Chapter 10

While it lasted, her father's visit, though only two days, seemed to stretch out wonderfully as they spent every spare hour discussing hopes and plans, dreams and fears. Her father both amused and frightened her with tales of her own infancy: childhood maladies and sleepless nights and endless mischief gotten into. She told herself firmly that she would be different, not panic at every fever and tummy-ache. But she knew better. Like every new parent, she would panic each and every time something seemed wrong with the baby. She would be terrified, probably for the child's entire life. But her father's stories assured her that there would be wonder and joy and excitement, too. Every anxiety would be worth it as she watched the tiny life she had created grow into an independent, amazing adult.

But time was a funny thing. While it seemed to last forever while it was happening, looking back made it feel as if no time had passed at all. She wished the visit could have lasted longer, and missed him even before his carriage was out of sight. The first few days without him dragged out horribly but, after that, time seemed to speed up. The final months of her pregnancy flew by in a flash, one day blurring seamlessly into the next, and into the one before.

James and Mrs. Baines saw to all her needs, even the ones she didn't realize she had. And it wasn't just simple things like her dietary needs, or warmer fires, or cooler baths. She was shocked one day, near her time, when Mrs. Baines came to her in her room one night as she was getting ready for bed and asked a question she hadn't even stopped to consider an answer to.

"Do you prefer a regular physician, or a lady midwife, dearie? There's a nice old woman in the village but, if you want a proper physician, we'll probably have to send to one of the cities for him, and he should come up soon."

"I, uh..." She set her hairbrush down, clearing her throat. "I hadn't thought about it."

"Well, you'd best think on it quickly, then. That little one won't wait much longer, will he?"

She bit her lip at that, swallowing hard. "I... I suppose you're right. I... what would you do?"

"Oh, I don't think I could bear having a man other than my husband looking at me in such an intimate fashion. An older, married woman makes so much more sense. I know you were training to be a doctor yourself, so I hope you'll forgive me, but I don't think many of those know what they're doing when it comes to women."

"No," she agreed quietly. "No, I don't think most male doctors do. Maybe a midwife would be better. I should probably discuss it with James," she added, wishing her father were there to ask instead.

"Well, you just let me know when you decide. I'll make all the arrangements. You won't have to worry about a thing."

"Soon, all I'll be doing is worrying," she pointed out. "I might as well get used to it."

"It's bad for the baby, dearie. You just save the worrying for after he's born, all right? Until then, you let me and Master James handle all that for you. We're here to help you, Helen."

It was the first time Mrs. Baines had called her Helen like that, and she stared up at her with wide eyes, touched. "Thank you, Mrs. Baines. I appreciate it. I really do. I... I'll let you know my answer tomorrow."

"You do that. And do try not to worry," she added, smiling reassuringly and squeezing Helen's shoulder. "Sweet dreams. I'll see you tomorrow with your morning tea."

"Thank you, Mrs. Baines," she murmured, picking up her hairbrush again as the older woman left the bedroom. Her hair was so thick now that it took longer to brush, and she was just finishing up when someone else knocked on her door. "Come in," she called, smiling as her husband entered. "James, what brings you by at this hour?"

"We didn't see each other much today. I just wanted to say good night," he answered, smiling and bending to kiss her cheek.

It was true, too, that they hadn't seen each other past breakfast. He'd been attending to estate business most of the day, and therefore too busy to visit her in the library, or even attend supper. She'd missed him in his absence, blamed the hormones, but, the truth was, a day with his smile in it was just a brighter day than a day lacking it.

"I missed you today," she told him.

"I missed you," he answered quietly, smiling almost shyly at her. "How are you feeling?"

"Oh, tired, as always," she chuckled, shaking her head and resting a hand on her stomach. "It'll be time soon."

"It will. Are you ready?"

"As ready as I think a first-time mother can be. It's very scary, James, but I'll manage, of course."

"Is there anything I can do to help?" he offered gently, extending her his hand.

"Stay the night?" she requested quietly, biting her lip.

He looked startled, and a little rattled. Then he smiled, and answered, "Now, there's an offer I haven't had in months. I think I'd like that, Helen. If you would."

"I could use the company," she admitted.

"And I certainly never mind your company, either," he told her, turning down the bed and then moving to her side to offer her a hand up. "In fact, I've rather missed this."

She swallowed hard at that, accepting his help up and to the bed, then gratefully crawling under the covers and letting him tuck her in. "Thank you, James."

"It's my pleasure," he assured her, moving to the other side of the bed and sliding in next to her.

She lay there in silence for a moment, staring at the ceiling and wondering if she should ask him more about his feelings regarding the nights they had spent together. Instead, she found herself broaching another, more pressing, topic.

"Mrs. Baines asked today whether she should hire a doctor or a midwife for me."

He made a startled noise at that, then cleared his throat. "Oh? And what did you tell her to do?"

"I, uh... I wasn't sure. I told her I'd let her know tomorrow."

"You weren't sure? But you must have a preference?"

"I... I don't know."

"It must be a hard decision. I'm sure it would be easier if your father were in the country. You once said he delivered you himself, didn't you?"

"He did. He told me my mother wouldn't have it any other way."

"India isn't so far away. Perhaps, if we send for him, he might be back in time?"

She sighed and shook her head. "He's doing important work. It would be selfish of me to interrupt it."

"His work is very important, but so is your comfort. I just want what will make you happy. I... hadn't even considered the question of who would deliver the child," he admitted, sounding a bit guilty over the fact.

"It isn't like you not to consider all the alternatives," she noted quietly. "Is something wrong?"

"No, nothing is wrong. I simply didn't think that far ahead. I suppose... well, part of me assumed I might do the business myself, in keeping with all the secrecy we've used so far."

She felt her breath catch at that, and wasn't sure how to feel. "You want to deliver the baby?"

"And why not? It's to be mine. And I am medically trained."

She considered his words, biting her lip again and slowly reaching for his hand. "You've never even seen me naked before..."

"A patient's body is a patient's body. I think my mind is capable of separating the body of my friend Helen from the body of my patient Mrs. Watson. But, of course, I understand if the idea makes you uncomfortable."

"No," she answered quickly, surprised to find herself meaning it. "It doesn't make me uncomfortable at all. I don't know why, but... I think you might just be the perfect choice. Mrs. Baines said she couldn't imagine being... handled in such an intimate fashion by any man but her husband. She may just have been right."

"But I'm not your husband. Not in the sense she no doubt meant to imply," he pointed out, gently squeezing her fingers. "I wouldn't wish to... impose on our friendship."

"An imposition, James? Do you really think it could be? Someone needs to bring my child into this world. I'd rather it not be a stranger. Why not my best friend?"

"Well, when you put it like that... If you truly wanted..."

"Is it what you want, James? I can't ask you to do it if you aren't comfortable with the concept."

"No. It would by my honour, Helen. But only if you truly want it. Because I think, no matter how detached one attempts to be, it is the kind of thing that changes a relationship."

"I'm not afraid of that. You're my best friend. You always will be. Nothing could change that."

"That makes me very happy," he answered quietly, squeezing her hand again. "You should know that I've been reading up. I won't be going into this blind."

"Somehow, I expected nothing less from a man with your foresight," she told him, smiling. "I know the baby and I will be fine under your care."

"I'll certainly do my best for you both. But Mrs. Baines will be shocked," he chuckled. "She thinks only a trained midwife has any business delivering babies."

"Women spent thousands of years delivering without much help to speak of at all. I could probably manage delivery alone if I had to."

"Knowing you, I'm sure you could," he agreed with a laugh. "But I'd better stay close just in case..."

"No, it will be fine. I'll just go off into the woods and handle it alone like a cavewoman. After all, how difficult can it be? I'm sure I'm capable of doing this without any help at all."

"You do that," he laughed merrily. "And I'll sit at home drinking brandy, smoking cigars, and congratulating myself, just as men have been doing for time immemorial."

"Typical man," she giggled, swatting him. "Leaving me to do all the hard work on my own."