Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter

Harry Potter and the. Philosopher's Stone

The Keeper Of The Keys

[Page 50 - BOOM. They knocked again.]

The students started chatting among themselves about who could be knocking. Others who weren't interested in guessing jus went back to eating. The food had changed into deserts.

"Maybe it is a giant sea serpent!"

A very excited Gryffindor shouted. His friends scooted away from him, since he was shouting with foods inside his mouth. Needless to say, few unfortunate people sitting next to him got hit by those disgusting crumbs, leaving them to splutter and curse rather loudly.

"You didn't get attacked by a giant sea serpent, did you?"

Ginny whirled around to face Harry, desperation visible in her voice. Her eyes were round with panic, and Harry frowned at her. His arm was starting to ache from the death grip of Ginny. Really, she was much more stronger than him, and he was year older than her! Ugh, he definitely needed to work on his strength.

"Ginny, as you can clearly see, I am perfectly fine. So why in Merlin's beard are you thinking that I was attacked by a sea serpent?"

"Oh, I don't know. Maybe because you are still alive after being attacked by a possessed professor, a basilisk, hundreds of dementors and most importantly, Voldemort! So we have a good reason to think that you were attacked by a some kind of monster."

Hermione answered unhelpfully, examining him as if looking for some kind of injury. Harry rolled his eyes. Although it was true that he attracted troubles, a sea serpent was a bit extreme... Okay, knowing his luck, he'll probably find one trying to kill him.

"Excuse me? A basilisk?"

Remus asked weakly, clutching his heart in attempt to calm his poor heart. He downed a vial of potion in one gulp, and gave another to a certain black whimpering dog. They were deifnitely not looking forward to read Harry's 'adventures', though they would probably call it, 'idiotic and reckless behaviors'.

The Golden Trio exchanged looks, and Neville sighed, noting how nervous they seemed. "You know what? Just forget it. We'll learn about it out later anyways."

"Right. Assuming I didn't die from heart attack, that is." Remus muttered, gathering as many Calming Draughts he could get his hands on. He did not want to have a panic attack or something and he was going to make sure these precious potions were around when he did. He briefly considered giving some to Sirius but decided against it. No, he needed it much more than him.

[Page 50 - He was holding a rifle in his hands...]

"He had a rifle?! But there were children present around him! Doesn't he know how dangerous and irresponsible he was being?" Hermione and other muggleborns shouted, alarmed. Pure bloods frowned, not understanding what was a 'rifle', let alone why it was wrong with having it. Ron voiced their questions aloud.

"What's a rifle?"

"It's a muggle's tool that causes huge pain when it hits you if it didn't kill you. It's kind of like a slicing curse." Hermione said, while once more searching Harry for any sign of injury made by a bullet. Harry did his best but couldn't escape his best friend's firm grip. Honestly, first they were worried about sea serpent and now a rifle? Didn't they know he could take care of himself?

"Oh, come on, Hermione! It's been years since that happened! How are you expecting to find a bullet injury? Besides, Madam Pomfrey checked on me and it hadn't said anything about it."

Hermione frowned, but admitted it was kind of illogical to check him and let him go. Harry winced as he gingerly touched his arm. What was it that made the girls much more stronger than him? He was so going to put on some weights. Perhaps learn some matial arts as well to get in shape. Besides, it wouldn't hurt to learn how to defend himself if he lost his wand.

[Page 50 - The door was hit with such force that it swung clean off its hinges and with a deafening crash landed flat on the floor.]

"You know, I'm starting to think that you are going to be attacked." Neville commented, looking at the teen. Harry's smile grew wider.

"You don't have to worry about really. He is really strong and looked intimidating, but he will never harm me. I think you'll like him." He bit back a snicker when Neville's expression clearly showed that he didn't believe him. Luna hummed, looking at the ceiling.

"He is actually nice. Especially to the animals." People looked at the blonde oddly, but she was either oblivious to the stare or was ignoring them. Harry grinned, amused. It seemed that Luna had figured it out even faster than Hermione. The said Ravenclaw smiled at him then continued humming to herself.

A giant of a man was standing in the doorway.

"Oh, I see what you mean." Neville said as he heard the identity of the mysterious intruder, slumping to his seat in relief. Other people also relaxed as well, fully enjoying listening to Hagrid's encounter with the Dursleys. From the looks of the two, they knew something really good was coming up and couldn't wait for it. Some, like Ron, were actively cheering for Hagrid and downright ignored Umbridge's high-pitched shriek for them to quietened down.

"Only Hagrid will break the door and ask for a tea." Hermione said over the noise feeling the Great Hall, beaming up at the giant. Fred leaned in to Harry.

"So, tell me ickle Harrykins, did that action annoy your relatives?"

"It did scare them a lot. I swear Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia," Sirius growled lowly, not liking to be reminded that the Dursleys were his godson's relatives. "looked like he would pass out and Dudley seemed to be barely restraining himself from wetting himself." Harry admitted, then narrowed his eyes in suspicion. "And do tell me, why are you interested in this?"

"It's none of your business." George said in fake haughty voice. Harry stuck his tongue out, causing Ginny to roll her eyes.

"Very mature, Harry."

"Oh, shut it, Ginny."

He didn't notice the recently found prank team writing down 'entrance: break their door and ask for tea' on their parchment.

[Page 51 - Uncle Vernon made another funny noise, like a mouse being trodden on.]

Susan saw the Weasley twins had an identical thoughtful look on their faces, and she did not like it. Not in the tiniest bit. Okay, so maybe part of her did want to help them put whatever idea they had in mind into action but she had no doubt that her aunt will kill her if she got herself into Azkaban for accidentally killing some muggles. So as much as she couldn't care less what happened to Harry's relatives, she had to stop them before things got out of control.

"No, we cannot turn him into a mouse and step on them." Susan stated firmly, completely un fazed by the puppy eyes two were giving.

"How do you know that was what we were thinking?" One of them whispered back - she still couldn't tell which was which - not wanting to give up on their idea.

"Yeah, and why not?" Another asked wistfully, thinking the same thing.

"First of all, I know your looks when you have a new idea for your prank. Second of all, you can't because if you kill someone, muggle or not, you will be sent to Azkaban!" Susan said, annoyed that they didn't even think about consequences but disappointed at the same time because she also didn't want to dismiss the idea. Besides her, Hannah visibly sagged down in disappointment.

"Fine, but what about just scaring them a bit? You know just squash them just a itsy bitsy teeny weeny tiny bit?" Susan opened their mouth to disagree but were met with four puppy eye expressions, one from the twins, her best friend and the actual black dog. Finally, she caved in and no one missed the way her eyes gleamed in satisfaction. They had no doubt if it wasn't for the laws, the Hufflepuff would have let them do whatever they wanted.

[Page 52 - ...and what he said instead was, "Who are you?"]

"He just broke the door and looks intimidating and strong, but all you ask is 'who are you?'. Really, Harry? No 'what are you doing here' or 'please don't hurt me'?" Dean asked disbelievingly, but Harry only shrugged. "It seemed reasonable to me at that time to ask his name. I mean, he didn't act like he was going to hurt anyone."

"You should've at least thanked him for the cake." Luna chided lightly, but Harry couldn't tell if she was meant to sound scolding or it was just a comment, so he just promised he'll make sure not to forget thanking people later on.

"You need some healthy amount of fear. Honestly, Harry, don't you have any surviving instinct? When a stranger comes into your house - by breaking the door, mind you - it's always good to be on your guard and be suspicious. You'll get yourself killed one day if you keep acting like that." Dean continued to lecture, and Harry saw that many people, including his friends, were nodding in agreement. He scowled. "I do have my surviving instinct and I do get suspicious of strangers."

"Sure, Harry, whatever you say." Neville agreed evenly. Harry huffed, grumbling to himself about how his friends always fussed over every single scratches he got.

[Page 53 - "...yeh'll know all about Hogwarts, o' course." "Er-no," said Harry. Hagrid looked shocked. "Sorry," Harry said quickly.]

"Why do you always take blame even when nothing is your fault?" Remus asked, exasperated that Harry apologized even if it had nothing to do with him. Taking all the blame couldn't be good for his health. He chalked it on the ever growing list of 'why he should hex the Dursleys into obvilion'. Admittedly, that list was way longer beyond comparison to the list of 'why he should forgive the Dursleys', which only had one, 'because they are Lily and Harry's relatives'. He was pretty sure he could get rid of the latter list since it was really obvious there wasn't going to be anything else.

Anyways, maybe he could persuade Harry to the Hospital Wing for another check up? He knew, as much as Harry denied it, that seeing a fellow student die in front of him affected him greatly, and from all the rumors he heard, Harry didn't have normal school life either. So he would make sure that Harry got proper treatment and he wasn't suffering any traumas, even if it meant he had to drag the teen kicking and screaming all the way to Hospital Wing. He wasn't looking forward to it.

[Page 54 - "Yeh don't know what yeh are?" he said finally."

"'You don't know what you are?' That sounds a little weird. It's like Harry's suffering a amnesia or something." Hermione mused then gasped in horror. Her hands flew to cover her mouth as if she said something terrible. "Oh, my god! Harry's gonna have amnesia!"

"What?" Harry asked, perplexed at her behavior. Other people stared at the bushy haired witch oddly too, and she explained fearfully. "I jinxed it. Knowing his luck, he's going to suffer amnesia soon."

"What?!" Harry exclaimed, more ridiculously this time, but he went ignored. Almost immediately, every friend of his started fussing over him, or discussing how they should prevent it from happening. He dodged few healing spells, pushed past more than several people who were asking him if they remembered each of them, and finally yelled over the chaos. "I do not and will not suffer from amnesia! Calm down, will you?"

Reluctantly, the crowd (it was surprising for Harry to see many people who got up to check on him, considering majority of people thought he was an attention seeking liar. It seemed that reading his life story had an unexpected effect.) went back to their seat, but didn't stop glancing at him every ten seconds. Really, did Hermione have to say that? now even more people were going to worry them sick about things that was unlikely to happen.

[Page 55 - "Harry - yer a wizard." "I'm a what?"]

"I do not want to waste my time for reading Potter's life. I have better things to do." Blaise Zabini muttered crossly. To other people, they would have thought he really meant that but Slytherins saw through it and knew he was rather intrigued listening to the book. He just said that for the show as people would believe Slytherins would react that way.

"Well, it is rather amusing to watch Potter and his friends reacting to it." Daphne Greengrass, the girl from the neutral family, replied offhandedly. Draco raised an eyebrow at her who only shrugged in return. It was unusual for her to join the conversation as she was known as the 'Ice Queen', famous for her icy attitude.

"Yes. And it seems that for someone raised from a household where magic was nothing but a forbidden subject and only a fairy tale, he's dealing with finding out he's the wizard pretty well." Pansy commented, apparently deciding not to be bothered that Daphne talked to them. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she was a girl. He knew it had to be hard to hang around with only males, so Draco couldn't really blame her for wanting to talk to a girl like her. Merlin knew he wouldn't last a day if he was forced to stay with girls all day.

"As much as I want to find out every little dirty secrets Potter has, I would rather be doing something productive like brewing a potion or studying." Theodore Nott replied dryly, his disinterest clear in his tone. Draco mentally rolled his eyes at him. He was so workaholic, and if he was less ambitious, he was sure the teen would have been sorted into Ravenclaw. It was pretty obvious due to his fascination about learning something new.

"I'm much more interested in how Umbridge got that book." Daphne's sister, Astoria, said cocking her head to the side. "A book that contained a detailed life of a person wouldn't just drop from the sky for her to find. I wonder what price she paid for it."

"No clue. But I hope there aren't any of mine. I do not want random people to suddenly have the knowledge of me in their hands." Daphne wrinkled her nose disdainfully at that and Draco had to agree it would be unpleasant. Some strangers spewing his secrets to every people they met? Suddenly Draco found himself feeling sympathetic towards the Gryffindor but he was careful not to show it.

[Page 55 - "An' I reckon it's abou' time yeh read yer letter." Harry stretch out his hand at last to take the yellowish envelope...]

"Finally! I thought you'd never get that letter. Honestly, Harry, how can you make reading just one letter so difficult?" Neville asked, almost feeling sorry for Harry. "You are worse than me with potions."

"I know, Neville. I've been trying really hard to find out what was wrong with me for past few years. If I do figure it out, you'll be the first one to know." Harry promised with mock solemnity.

"You better keep that promise, Harry. 'Cause it will ease my mind and help me sleep peacefully without having to wonder what was wrong with you. Hopefully."

"Boys." Hermione rolled her eyes at the two.

[Page 56 - After a few minutes he stammered, "What does it mean, they await my owl?"

"After you've just learned you were a wizard, out of all things, you ask about what they meant when they said they await your reply?" Dean lectured again. "You have some mental issues, Harry. When you learn something impossible like that, you either scoff at the ridiculousness or cheer in happiness. Sensible people go with the former, but people who often follow their emotions - which includes me, by the way - go with the latter."

"I was eleven! And besides, how was I supposed to know when the reply was due?" Harry protested, desperately trying to defend himself. Fred and George laughed at his futile effort, and slung their arms around his back.

"My, my, Forge. It looks like our ickle Harrykins got stuck!" One exclaimed, ruffling the teen's black hair. Harry squawked in protest, but as usual, it went ignored.

"Yes, my brother dearest, it looks like he is. And I think we should remind him something." Another replied, also ruffling Harry's hair. He asked carefully, not even bothering to protest when his already messy hair got even more messier. "What do you need to remind me about?"

"That you can't use 'I-was-eleven-excuse', of course." They chorused, looking at the younger teen as if it should be obvious. "I mean, you used that excuse like dozens of times now, and a good prankster don't use the same excuse more than few times. It gets really suspicious, you know."

"But this isn't about pranking!" Harry shouted, frustrated. The twins, however, weren't affected by his mood and just grinned their trademark mischievous grins.

"Ah, yes. But you see, Harry, for some reason we are quite determined to turn you into a prankster." Fred - or was it George? - said, making his eyes as innocent as possible.

"So from now on, we are gonna train you up, and whatever you do, we'll make sure you are doing it by prankster's standers."

"Fine, fine. I won't use that excuse anymore and make up some other excuses." Harry muttered in defeated voice when it was clear they weren't going to give up easily. The pranksters grinned at the teen, ignoring the professors who wore horrified expressions at hearing the Weasley twins were going to turn James' son into prankster. How was Hogwarts going to survive?

"We'll make a prankster out of you yet." They chorused, flashing Harry a fond smile that was often used by parents. Harry couldn't help but laugh at their antics. It sounded like a great idea to learn how to prank people. It would certainly help him relieve some stresses and he could become more similar to his dad! He idly wondered what the twin's reactions were going to be when they found out that he was the Prongs' son.

[Page 59 - "Nah - can't spell it. All right - Voldemort." He shuddered.]

"You made Hagrid say Voldemort's name!" The Weasley twins were awe-struck and admired Harry with new respect. "What can you not do?" Harry squirmed under their stare. "Um, I can't swim?" He offered weakly.

"Now this is why we chose him as a prankster!" Harry barely held himself back from banging his head on table at their conversation. Barely. "He's perfect! He has so many useful skills and who knows what tricks he didn't show us yet."

"I know, Forge! He'll be the best prankster beside us and the Marauders! Oh, just imagine what pranks he'll cause!" They continued to gush like girls and Harry pointedly ignored them. "And he'll be able to charm the girls!"

"Ugh!" Harry gave in and banged his head on a table. Repeatedly. "What is it with you two? Didn't you make him say it?" Harry yelled, his patience finally snapping in half.

"No, he never did." The twins pouted like a petulant children, and Harry cocked an eyebrow in slight shock at that response. He had always thought the infamous Weasley pranksters could convince people to do what they wanted them to do - well, except for the professors, of course - but apparently, he guessed wrong.

"We couldn't persuade him, and we've tried everything!" Fred sulked at the memory, and George continued. "Yeah, we've even tried threatening Fang's safety, but that didn't work either."

"You did what? That was very cruel thing to do! I can't believe you even thought about it, let alone did it." Hermione shrieked as Luna nodded along, slight frown marring her features, and the twin raised their hands in surrending sign defensively.

"We only said it! We didn't actually do it."

"Yeah, and besides, we already got into detention because of it. There's no need for you to start yelling at us now."

Hermione huffed, and muttered, "you deserved it." under her breath. Harry shook his head at their antics. Sometimes, five years old kids acted much more mature than them.

"Wait. Did you find out why Hagrid isn't allowed to do his magic anymore?" George propped himself up with his elbow and demanded rather harshly in Harry's opinion. Fred also sat up, his eyes wide. "You didn't, right? There's no way in hell that you three fifth years managed to do what we've tried for the past fifteen years and failed. Come on, tell me you didn't."

The Golden Trio exchanged looks, seemingly having a silent argument then turned and chorused in perfect sync that it was almost disturbing. "No comment!"

"Oh, come on. Just hint us so we can let our old, fragile mind into rest. Please?" The twins begged, looking more frantic by second. The Gryffindors had their silent discussion again and apparently decided Harry should be the one to answer that.

"Well, what do you think? Do you really believe it's possible for someone as young as us could manage something that you two, the greatest pranksters in history, failed to manage? I don't think so." Harry practically purred and smiled sweetly at the end for effect. He easily muffled Sirius' bark of protest with his hand at the 'greatest pranksters' part and he could tell his best friends were biting the inside of their cheeks to refrain themselves from laughing out loud. The Weasley twins seemed to buy it and visibly deflated with relief, and Harry couldn't wait to see their reaction when they found out, yes, they actually did find out the reason.

[Page 60 - "You-Know-Who killed 'em. An' then he tried to kill you, too. But he couldn't do it."]

"Harry has the worst luck than anyone else that I know of." Ginny complained, slight teasing visible in her voice as she tried to lighten up the atmosphere. "I mean, who faces snake faced man four times when he's not even an adult yet?" The twins jumped into the conversation without a second of hesitation.

"I know! My mind would have broke down if I saw U-Know-Poo's ugly face even once! It's a wonder he's sitting here."

"I have to agree with my devilishly handsome brother. I know I would have been scarred forever if I ever saw his face in my life."

"Fred! George! Stop it in this instant!" Mrs. Weasley yelled, looking genuinely appalled at her sons. She wore an expression that clearly said, 'do you have a death wish?'. Their sons stopped, but Harry's and few others didn't stop smiling amusedly.

"Well," Harry blinked, looking at now silent and terrified twins and shook his head, bemused. "That went well."

[Page 63 - ...and the very last time Dudley had hit him, hadn't he got his revenge, without even realising he was doing it? Hadn't he set a boa constrictor on him?]

"We are really proud of you for that, you know." Fred commented, grinning. George agreed. "Yeah. Although it wasn't intentional, setting a boa snake after them was really amazing." They sighed dreamily like fan girls. Harry faced Hermione and Ron questioningly, but didn't get any replies.

"Let them be. Who knows what they are thinking. Just be thankful that they aren't parselmouths, or Hogwarts will be swarming with snakes." Ginny said, casually sipping a pumpkin juice from her goblet. When she saw the twins' faces lighting up, she banged her head on the table, groaning. "I gave them ideas, didn't I?"

"Harry, how wonderful to see you there!" Fred exclaimed, ignoring Ginny's banging. "Now, would you mind if you teach us how to say parseltongue?" At this, even Slyherins perked up in interest and Harry had to face hundreds of eyes trained on him.

"Uh, I'll think about it?" Harry offered, not really used to positive interest on his little 'gift'. Not that he was complaining of course. He idly wondered if the twins had really been serious and if they were, how he was going to teach them. It wasn't like there were alphabets for parselmouths, were there? Harry blinked as he realized he actually didn't try writing it before. Well, another thing to add in his mental to-do list, then. The list had actually been made only few hours ago, around when the reading started, and majority of it was stuff like 'make sure Remus doesn't go to the Dursleys during full moon' or 'avoid any toads that seems to especially hate him'. The last one was added because he was 98.75% sure the twins will turn the Dursleys into toads.

[Page 64 - When he turned his back on them, Harry saw a curly pig's tail poking through a hole in his trousers.]

The students roared with laughter, and even adults were having a hard time controlling their facial expressions. Some, like Professor Flitwick and Professor Sprout, were openly laughing while most professors schooled their expressions so their amusement weren't so obvious. But even from distance, Harry could see the Headmaster's twinkling eyes and twitching corner of lips of Professor McGonagall. The most unaffected person was Slytherin's Head of the House, Severus Snape. He merely sneered in disgust at everyone.

"Y-you. Gave him. A pig tail!" Fred choked out between his laughter, tears of amusement leaking out. Next to him, George lied there, panting harshly to force in air into his lungs against his laughter and hiccups. Most of the students were in similar situations and they cheered for Hagrid as if he was their god.

"Silence!" Umbridge's shrill voice cut through the noise and everyone quietened down. She stood triumphantly, and pointed at Hagrid accusingly. "You had used magic on a muggle and risked our world to be found, therefore breaking the Ministry's law. You will be arrested and will be punished after a trial."

Harry shot a panicked look at his friends. It didn't occur to him that Umbridge will use this against Hagrid and by the look of Minister, there was no hope that Hagrid will get a fair trial. The half giant had turned pale, probably thinking about Azkaban, and everyone who liked Hagrid - which was about three thirds of the student population, due to what he did to Dudley - glared at the DADA professor or had horrified expressions on their faces.

"But the rule says that you can't use magic on muggles so they wouldn't know about our world. This one hardly counts because they already knew about our world." Hermione protested, earning grateful look from Hagrid and approving looks from several professors and Madam Bones.

"She has a point, Dolores." Madam Bones said, successfully cutting off Umbridge's and Minister's outraged splutters. Hagrid relaxed, and Hermione received more than many grins and compliments. Harry beamed and patted her back.

"It's good to have a know-it-all on our side."

"Oh, quiet, Harry." But they could tell she was rather pleased from her smile and small blush that creeped onto her face.