Chapter 14

The contractions came with increasing frequency over the next few hours and, gradually, with increasing force as well. James read and talked to her between contractions, keeping her mind occupied and off the pain, and of the anticipation of the worse pain to come. From time to time, he examined her, and reported on her progress. To her, it seemed to drag on interminably. But, listening to his progress reports, she knew that everything was going quite well, especially for a first labour. Of course, she could not be entirely comfortable until it was all over but, so far, she had every reason to be cautiously optimistic that none of the horror-stories she'd heard in the past would apply to this delivery.

"Were you an easy delivery, James?" she asked as he finished up yet another exam.

"Oh, no. By all accounts I took three days to present myself to the world, and my mother screaming the whole time," he answered, smiling wryly. "I was trouble to them even then. But this one will be no trouble at all. It won't be much longer now. Would you like to try to walk a bit more?"

"I'd rather never get up again," she answered, but clumsily started hauling herself out of bed anyway. "My back aches so badly, James."

"I can't imagine," he answered, moving to her side and helping her to her feet. "Here, lean on me. You'll be weak, I'm sure."

"Very," she agreed with a sigh, gratefully accepting his offered support.

"Were you a difficult delivery?" he asked, wrapping his arms around her and supporting her as they slowly moved towards the window.

"No. Father told me once that my mother wasn't even aware that she was in active labour until she was fully dilated. But I was her second pregnancy, so her body must have been more ready."

"The first child died?" he asked, frowning sympathetically.

"He did, a few days after he was born," she answered, biting her lip. "Father seldom mentioned it. I don't think about it very often."

"And there's no need to think about it now," he assured her quickly. "Infection was rampant before doctors knew to wash their hands. It's different now. This child will be fine."

"I believe you," she assured him, smiling since he really did have a point. The child in her womb was healthy and active, and James was taking every precaution against contamination. There was no reason to anticipate trouble. "Did you want a large family?"

He hesitated, then shrugged, helping her to sit on the window-seat. "Oh, at times I thought it might be nice. At others, I thought perhaps not. I know most people think they want a large family, but I'm inclined now to think it's better to give just one or two children your undivided attention, rather than trying to keep track of half a dozen all at once."

"Do you think she'll be lonely?" she asked, drawing back the curtain to see how the snowfall was progressing. It was beautiful out, but there would be no sending for the midwife now even if something did go wrong. The road looked simply impassable. "Without playmates, I mean?"

"Even if she doesn't have siblings, that doesn't automatically mean she'll have a solitary existence. There will be the children of servants to play with, and the town's children. She won't want for friends, Helen, I promise you. If I have to adopt a half-score of orphans to keep her company, I won't allow her to grow lonesome."

She smiled at that, leaning her cheek against the cold glass of the window with a soft sigh. "James?" she asked quietly, not looking up at him. "Speaking of adoption..."

His expression grew serious, and he sat down next to her, taking her hand lightly in both of his. "What is it, Helen, darling?"

"Whose name do you want me to put on the birth certificate?" she whispered.

"Mine, of course!" he answered, looking a little shocked. "I am to be this child's father, and not merely by adoption!" Checking himself, he frowned and shook his head, adding, "If you insist on claiming her as John's, I'd still like the right to adopt her, but it would be easier for all parties if we simply claim me as father outright. I know the choice is yours and yours alone, but I also know what I would like to see you do."

She felt tears spring to her eyes at his emphatic intention to truly claim the child for his own, not just in the eyes of polite society, but in those of the Crown, and she leaned forward, wrapping her arms around his waist and resting her chin against his shoulder.

"I know I should have known," she sniffled, "but James..."

"I know, darling, I know," he soothed, resting one hand against her back and bringing the other to lightly stroke her hair. "We should have discussed all this ages ago. I'm sorry I didn't think to bring it up."

She opened her mouth to answer, but just gasped instead as another contraction hit. Clinging to his shirt and panting, she closed her eyes and firmly told herself that the pain just wasn't that bad. It was a lie, but a comforting one. James held her through the contraction, then helped her back into bed and went to wash his hands again.

"I'm going to have another look at you."

She nodded weakly, arranging herself as close to comfortably as she could manage and closing her eyes as he moved to kneel between her legs. His hands were gentle, and he was quick, but he didn't draw back this time as he had after every other examination.

"I'd say you're fully dilated," he informed her gently. "We need to discuss how you want to proceed before the next contraction."

"Well, it's a little late to change my mind!" she laughed, shaking her head and staring at him.

"No, Helen, I know that," he answered, looking bemused. "What I mean, is that I have both ether and laudanum in my supplies. If you'd like either-"

"No!" She shook her head hard, cutting him off mid-sentence. "Both leave a baby sluggish and sometimes even unable to feed, and who knows what long-term damage they might cause? Besides, I wish to be in control for this, James. I can't abide being weak or helpless. I want to do this for myself. I need to."

"All right," he agreed, nodding. "Then this will be very unpleasant for you, but I'm going to be here the whole time. We'll get you both through this together."

"Thank you, James," she answered smiling nervously and giving a faint nod. "Just tell me when it's time to push."

"The baby's not quite crowned yet, but I doubt it will take many more contractions before she is. Then it will be time."

She nodded again, swallowing hard as pressure started to build. "Here comes another one."

"All right. Just remain calm," he directed, nodding encouragingly. "You've made it this far and the end is almost in sight."

She mumbled in agreement, gritting her teeth as the pressure just kept building and building until the pain of it brought tears to her eyes. It lasted longer this time, and left a stronger ache than usual as it passed. Exhaling deeply, she collapsed back against the pillows, closing her eyes.

"Once the actual delivery gets underway, it should only take a few contractions for you to deliver the baby itself," James told her gently. "It will be painful, but quick compared to everything so far."

She knew all of this, but she nodded anyway, letting him recite what he'd learned.

"Once you deliver the child, you'll still need to expel the afterbirth, but that should feel like nothing in comparison to what you'll already have been through."

She nodded again, hands clenching into fists as she recognized another contraction coming on. This time, she couldn't quite contain a quiet cry at the unexpected intensity of it. This was labour in earnest; everything before this had just been a warm-up. The pain built and built, and suddenly James was urging her to push, his hands on her legs and his eyes darting between her face and... elsewhere.

He hadn't been lying about things moving more quickly. Instead of long waits between them, the contractions came so closely on the heels of each other that they almost seemed to blur together. She was noisier than she had intended to be, shouting almost out of instinct as she pushed hard for what felt like ages, then was told to do it all over again.

"God in heaven, it hurts!" she protested with a sob as the pain became intense enough to make her vision swim and her ears ring.

"That's the head, Helen! That's the head!" he told her with a breathless smile, nodding encouragingly. "Rest for a second. That's the hard part over."

"Why isn't it crying?" she demanding, trying to sit up, but falling back as another contraction took her.

"Push for me, Helen. Just one or two more good pushes, darling," he urged. "You're strong. You can do this."

She pushed as hard as she could, crying out with the agonizing, exhausting effort, but wanting the whole bloody experience to be over as quickly as possible. When her voice died, the room was too quiet, and she opened her mouth to demand, again, to know why the baby wasn't making a sound. Before she could voice her concern, though, a thin wail filled the room, followed by a laugh from James.

"You have a daughter, Helen!" he crowed, beaming at her. "A beautiful, healthy daughter!"

She let out a laugh of her own, one that dissolved into a sob as exhaustion and emotion caught up with her. "Let me see?"

"Just a moment," he directed, hands moving quickly, but outside of her line of sight.

The baby kept squalling, and James kept laughing. She wasn't sure if seconds or hours had passed, but suddenly James was laying a clean, cloth-wrapped bundle on her chest, and untying the laces of her nightgown as the crying baby moved fitfully about.

"Her lungs are healthy," James laughed, exposing one of her breasts without a blush and helping her move the infant into position. "Ashley?"

"Ashley," she confirmed, nodding weakly and smiling tremulously up at him as the baby caught hold of her nipple and sucked hard. "Oh, James, we did it!"

"You did it," he corrected her, pulling a blanket over her and the baby and moving between her legs again. "But it's not quite over."

"I know, but it can't be as bad as what I just went through," she answered quietly, closing her eyes.

She thought she might have fallen asleep, because the next contraction was totally unexpected, seeming to come out of nowhere. Jerking in surprise, she barely remembered to heed James's instructions to push. She felt the placenta being passed, but it barely registered next to the sensation of the baby suckling greedily at her breast.

Things were a bit of a blur after that, and she wasn't sure when she was awake and when she was asleep for most of it. It seemed like a waking dream at times, and like a regular dream at others. James cleaned her up, then carried her over to the window-seat with the baby, wrapping them both up in warm blankets and calling to Mrs. Baines. Between the two of them, they changed the bedding while she dozed with her baby. When she came around again, she was back in a freshly-made bed, bundled up with the baby asleep against her chest and James sitting in a chair next to the bed with a rapt, if slightly dazed, expression.

Sighing happily, she smiled weakly at him, whispering, "Thank you..."

"Oh, Helen, I knew you could do it," he answered quietly, biting his lip. "But you need to rest now. We can talk when you wake up. I'll be here."

"You can't sleep in that chair. Come to bed, James. There's room enough for three."

He hesitated, but only for a moment before he climbed wearily to his feet and circled the bed, sliding in next to her and resting a hand on the baby's back as he cuddled close to the two of them and closed his eyes to rest with her.