I'm sorry for not posting this chapter earlier but the chapters are very long to write and I'm very busy!
For the ones who wouldn't have noticed yet, I satrted posting the Kuroo fanficiton called "Beautiful Disasyer"! ;)
Thank you to eveeryone who followed, favorited and reviewed! :D
jungkookies : Thank you very much, I hope you'll someday read it and enjoy it! :)
Aquafin : Don't worry, it'll be a happy ending! ;) With some tears of joy, so I hopep it'll be good enough? :D
LuxKlara : YOU DID IT! Your eached it this chapter! :D Hajiem's parents, and Kiku's parents are already planning the wedding and buying their future grandchidren's gifts at this point! XD Sorry I don't answer to everyhting in your review, but we had already discussed it all on skype~! ;)
WARNING : NSFW moment
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE
CHAPTER LVI : Strength of Heart, Strength of Mind
"Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter."
— Carol Bishop Hipps, "October," In a Southern Garden
"You should never hate anyone, even your worst enemies. Everyone has something good about them. You have to find the redeeming quality and love the person for that."
— Jeannette Walls
"This is why people touch. Sometimes words are just not enough."
— Nicola Yoon, Everything, Everything
"But remember, you can't fix everything in the world for everybody."
— Mary Oliver, Dog Songs
"Saying "no" doesn't make you a bad person. You can have the most beautiful heart and the kindest intentions and still refuse mistreatments and abuse. You can love people and still say no."
— Shi Collantes
"Sometimes quiet is violent."
— Car Radio, 21 Pilots
"You seem to forgive everyone everything, so once in a while, you should allow others to forgive you."
— Jude Deveraux, Temptation
"Give yourself permission to cut negative people from your life, and surround yourself with people who bring out the best in you."
— James Altucher
"I'm not much but I'm all I have."
— Philip K. Dick, Martian Time-Slip
"I'm not perfect… But I'm enough."
— Carl Rogers
"People too often forget that it is your own choice how you want to spend the rest of your life."
— Anonymous
"I am aware that I am less than some people prefer me to be, but most people are unaware that I am so much more than what they see."
— Douglas Pagels
"Don't explain your philosophy. Embody it."
— Epictetus
"No matter how cruel the world becomes,
You must never let go of your kindness."
— Anonymous
"It's unfortunate, and I really wish I wouldn't have to say this, but I really like human beings who have suffered. They're kinder."
— Emma Thompson
"People need to be encouraged. People need to be reminded of how wonderful they are. People need to be believed in - told they are brave, and smart, and capable of accomplishing all the dreams they dream - and more. Remind each other of this."
— Stacey Jean Speer
"One of the most amazing things that can happen is finding someone who sees everything you are and won't let you be anything less. They see the potential of you. They see endless possibilities. And through their eyes, you start to see yourself the same way. As someone who matters. As someone who can make a difference in this world."
— Susane Colasanti
Hajime entered the classroom, ignoring the conversations around him during break. For once it was quiet, mostly because Oikawa and the others hadn't arrived yet. Looking up, he froze upon seeing Kiku talking with Fujioka Masami – the girl who had bullied her at the beginning of the school year. They were apparently exchanging notebooks. Furious to see the girl who had bullied his girlfriend acting so casual with his Kiku, he stomped forward, other classmates glancing at him worriedly:
"Oi! What do you think you're doing?!" He shouted, roughly grabbing the notebook Fujioka was giving Kiku.
Both Kiku and Masami startled, turning to him with wide eyes. He almost pushed her away but held back the rough move before it might get him in trouble, she still stepped way. Some sort of hurt pride flashed in Fujioka's eyes while he checked the notebook, making sure nothing was damaged in any way but Kiku's notes were the same as usual. Confused, he looked up, still frowning at the girl:
"Satisfied?" She asked in a biting voice.
"…What are you doing?" He asked suspiciously.
"Ask your girlfriend." She answered, looking away from him stubbornly.
He turned to Kiku and she smiled awkwardly:
"T-the teacher asked me to help out Fujioka-san with her English lessons… So I gave her my notebook for her to copy the last lesson. She was giving it back." Kiku explained in a quiet voice, her hands reaching to get her notebook from Hajime's hands.
"She didn't do anything wrong, did she? She didn't hurt you or threatened you or–?" He asked but before he could continue, Fujioka snorted, attracting his attention on her.
"Unlike you, Akiyama is capable of forgiveness!" She hissed before turning around and walking to her seat.
He kept frowning at her then turned back to Kiku, his features softening at once:
"Really? She didn't do anything wrong?" He asked nervously.
"Why would she? You and Oikawa-san scared her enough, she won't do anything." Kiku explained with a shrug.
He snorted doubtfully – if Masami hadn't done anything wrong to anyone since the eggs and flour accident, she didn't stop looking down at people. She just seemed less haughty because Oikawa had shut her up, everyone seeing when her dream of dating the Prince of Aoba Jousai had shattered.
"She wasn't saying the truth, though, you haven't forgiven her for what she's done to you, right?" He asked, his voice hopeful she wouldn't be that kind.
She must have caught on his tone because she didn't answer right away, the pause long enough for it to be explicit. Hajime sighed loudly, rolling his eyes to the sky, so frustrated he had to hold back from clenching his fists:
"You're not serious, Kiku?!" He exclaimed, a few students glancing at them curiously, "She bullied you and dragged others into it, she hurt you! You can't just forgive her and ignore what happened!"
"Just because I have forgiven her, doesn't mean I have forgotten. I'm not stupid, Hajime!" Kiku answered, her tone sharper than intended.
Both froze for a short moment after hearing the sharpness of her words then she sighed and forced her shoulders to relax as she continued, avoiding looking his way:
"She apologized to me, I have no reason to hold a grudge against her when she apologized–"
"She apologized because the teacher asked her to!"
"Hajime, despite what you're thinking, I know how to handle people! Even the ones who have bullied me in the past! But I won't let a stupid grudge keep me from forgiving her and move forward! Perhaps you and Oikawa should learn what forgiveness is – instead of holding onto this ridiculous rivalry with Ushiwaka!" She hissed, angrily pushing down her notebook on her desk.
Kiku froze, opening wide eyes while Hajime stared at her, stunned. It was the first time she was raising her voice against him. Or saying such thing. She knew how difficult it was for him and Oikawa to get over their constant losses. Why would she say such words? It stung more than he would have imagined.
His tongue burnt to let out some snarky reply but when he saw Kiku's shoulders shake and her eyes fill with panic, he sighed once again, letting out the steam this way.
"…Maybe I should, yeah… but I'm not nearly as forgiving or kind as you are… it'll take me more time to forget this rivalry…"
He went to his desk, sitting down and she warily followed him with her gaze, afraid he might get angry at her after all.
"I-I'm sorry…" She murmured, lowering her voice so their conversation wouldn't be heard by everyone around.
"It's okay, I'm sorry too. I'm just… I've been frustrated since we lost." He mumbled, frowning at nothing or no one in particular.
"A-and I've been anxious too…" She admitted, lowering her gaze.
He glanced quickly at her before turning to face her:
"Come to my place after school. My parents won't be there and we haven't… spent time together in a while. We could relax instead of studying for once, maybe watch a movie or… something…" He said.
She looked up at him, mouth falling open then she leaned forward, making sure no one else would heard:
"Are you… telling me to go to your place… just to have sex?" She asked in disbelief.
He flushed at her choice of words but she wasn't wrong. She was too surprised by his sudden request – he had never been so forward. Even since they had lost their virginity they had been practicing a lot. But it was always mutual, it never seemed to be desperate. Right now, Hajime seemed frustrated for more than just losing at the Spring High.
"No! Yes, but no, I mean! Y-yeah, i-if you want…" He said awkwardly before closing his eyes and rubbing the back of his neck anxiously, "I'm sorry, I'm just… I don't know what I want anymore, I just–"
"Okay."
He looked up at his girlfriend with wide eyes.
"Let's go and have some… steamy sex. I might need it too." She said with a shrug, not looking that enthusiastic at the perspective.
"…Really?" He asked.
"Yeah, we didn't do anything in a while anyway…" She continued, shrugging once again and opening her book to start reading.
"We haven't… with the Spring-High, then me moping around and–"
"Hajime, next year I won't remain in Miyagi to study at the university."
"And stuff…" He mumbled, turning away to face his desk once again.
She made a humming sound to agree with him, without replying to anything. He glanced quickly at her, realizing that she was only pretending to read. He didn't blame her for ending the conversation there anyway.
Ever since he had tried to ask her to move in together for the university, and she had dropped the bomb that she would leave Miyagi Prefecture, things had been… awkward. It wasn't that they weren't talking but that night, he had been too shocked to discuss things more thoroughly. Then they had arrived at her home and she had hurried away from him. After that, school work got accumulated, he was away to visit his grandparents in the week-end, more school work… and they didn't get to discuss the topic in depth. It wasn't that they were actively avoiding it, but just like before she had told him that, they… didn't want to talk about it because it meant talking about separation. Talking about university meant that things as they were at the moment wouldn't be the same. He had been too focused on the Spring High to start the topic until he had just assumed she'd move in with him, and Kiku hadn't tried to start the topic either – now he knew it was because she had decided to go study somewhere else. It felt too sad if he tried to ask her what she would study and where. She didn't seem to be willing to talk about it either, aware of the distance that would come between them, and that was why they had both accumulated frustration and stress, needing to talk and let the steam out. They might get to let it out after school, but the idea of talking about such a delicate topic left them… not much eager to be done with the school day.
By the end of the day, sleepy from hours and hours of classes without the perspective of a volleyball practice afterwards, Hajime was just staring at people stand up and go at the end of the day.
"Akiyama-san," the teacher called, "I need to see you for a moment. It's about your university choice after high-school."
Kiku, who had been putting her books into her bag, nodded to the teacher before glancing at Hajime who straightened up:
"I'll wait for you, don't worry," he said with a smile.
She smiled back, quickly following their teacher. Hajime watched her go, suddenly curious about what she had chosen to study after high-school. He had imagined her doing plenty of works, like working for animal shelters, veterinary maybe, or teacher, or nanny like his mom was… there were lots of fields of work Kiku would enjoy doing but he had no idea what specific idea would make her go away from Miyagi. Sendai University had plenty of choices, there was no need to move away. Oikawa would go because he wanted to be in Tokyo to train for the volleyball team, and because he'd work part-time as a model (Hajime still had a hard time wrapping his mind around it) but what had Kiku chosen to do that she'd move away? He didn't even know where she'll go… Probably another prefecture, Tokyo would be better if they wanted to keep seeing each other – what if it was overseas?! They'd never see each other again and–
Hajime shook his head, clicking his tongue in annoyance, knowing that getting ideas would get him nowhere. He'll ask Kiku everything he needed to know.
He put everything in his bag then stood up, slowly going towards the room where their teacher was usually talking to students, mostly about their studies' choices. Leaning against the wall, he realized that he could hear the smothered voice of the teacher because the door hadn't been completely closed. He tried not to listen too closely, but he was curious and it was too easy listening to what was being said.
"…I think it best you reconsider your choices, Akiyama-san. As I said, considering your situation, I don't think it'd be wise to follow such a tricky path. You are intelligent and have good results, you could do a lot even if you chose your second or third option."
There was a pause before the teacher finished:
"I'll let you think about it a little more, but remember what I told you."
"Thank you… sensei…" Kiku answered.
The scratching sound of chairs then her footsteps approaching. Hajime quickly pulled out his phone to pretend he was busy on it and hadn't been eavesdropping just as she appeared. She looked up at him, surprised to already see him here.
"Ready to go?" He asked casually, pushing himself off the wall.
She nodded and took his hand to walk away but he could see she looked disheartened, probably because of what the teacher had told her. What option could she have chosen that he'd tell her to reconsider? What did he mean by "with your situation"?
"Everything okay?" He asked, trying to get her to talk.
"Y-yeah, sensei just wanted to talk about university a little more." She answered, avoiding giving any more details.
He didn't answer and they walked in silence to his place. It was almost a comfortable silence, if it weren't for the light tension between them that was constant ever since their talk the other night. And now that they knew they were going to try and get rid of this tension, it seemed to make it even worse. They could feel it on their skins and unconsciously, they accelerated just to get it done faster.
[NSFW]
The moment they were through the door, Hajime grabbed Kiku's wrist and spun her around. She gasped when he crushed his lips against hers, his hands already digging into her hips through the clothes. She moaned, kissing him back, biting and sucking on each other's lips while she held onto his tie. Taking off their shoes in a hurry and dropping their bags, they walked straight to his bedroom – occasionally pushing each other against the walls to tear off their clothes from their bodies. Within seconds, their ties, shirts and her skirt were on the floor.
Entering the bedroom, Kiku turned around and pushed him against the door as it slammed shut, her hands caressing his perfect torso. She pulled open his belt and pants, quickly pulling it all down along with his socks. Kneeling in front of him she caressed his erection through his boxers, Hajime sighing and dropping his head backwards at the touch. She pulled off his boxers, her lips meeting his penis, kissing and licking the length of it before hungrily taking him into her mouth. His hands went into her hair, urging her for more speed and intensity by tightening his hold on her hair. Looking up at him with lustful eyes, she did as he silently instructed but within seconds, his hold on her hair got so tight it was almost painful. She moaned, partly because of the pain, and partly because she loved making him feel so good.
Hajime suddenly pushed her away then pulled her up, kissing her lips breathlessly. She gasped, holding onto his shoulders while he pushed her towards the bed as his hands were taking off the last of her clothes so they could finally be skin against skin. Without a word, he pushed her down and immediately started kissing, biting and licking her neck and breasts, quickly driving her mad. Her hands in his hair, he let his hand wander against her pussy, feeling her warmth and wetness. He pulled out his fingers and put them into his mouth, his gaze diving into hers. He purposefully licked them slowly, knowing it was turning her on from the way she bit on her lower lip and her eyes were set aflame.
Without a word, just with their eyes, filled with frustration and lust, they understood they were getting too impatient to play around. Hajime stood up to get a condom, quickly putting it on while Kiku was getting impatient, biting and licking on her lower lip. Once ready, he leaned down against her once again.
Hajime tenderly kissed her neck, undulating his body against her, hard muscles against soft curves, his hands slowly roaming over her body. Moaning, Kiku bucked her hips against his but suddenly, he just pulled away, grabbing her hips and forcing her around. She let out a little scream when he forced her on her knees and hands, grabbing her hair while leaning against her back. His lips brushed her ear, breathing hard before licking and sucking on her lobe in the same time his free hand was teasingly caressing her pussy.
"You know what I want right now, uh?" He asked in a hot voice, his warm breath vibrating against the sensitive skin of her neck.
Breathing hard, she nodded wordlessly.
"Say it." He ordered, letting his teeth scrape along the length of her neck.
She moaned, the burning sensation in her core getting painful from desire, her entire body trembling.
"P-please… H-Hajime!" She begged while he teasingly let the length of his erection run against her without giving her what she wanted.
"Say it!" He exclaimed, slapping her butt cheek.
She screamed, trying to move but his hold on her was too strong.
"Please! Just do it already! Fuck me hard!" She shouted, trying to glare at him for making her wait.
His lips that had been against her neck for some peppering, teasing kisses, turned into a smile. She just had time to take in the realization that he was smiling before he plunged into her, biting her neck in the same time. She screamed in delight, the sensation of being completely filled by her Hajime, of being so completely surrounded by him, his scent, his warmth, overwhelming. Her scream turned into a loud moan that he echoed with a growl of his own.
He started moving, slowly at first then quickly setting up a fast, rough pace. The sound of flesh hitting flesh was covered by Kiku's screams at each and every move. He didn't stop kissing or occasionally biting her neck, his hands caressing her body, grabbing her hips for a better hold. Her hands turned into fists, desperately pulling at the sheets, shaking all the while moving backwards to meet his thrusts, which only increased the sensations for both of them. She tried to hold onto him, her hand only brushing his side before she dropped forward on her forearms. He gave stronger, deeper thrusts, making her screams get even more high-pitched.
"Don't stop! Don't stop!" She shouted in between raspy breaths and screams.
He started accelerating, growling louder and louder, just as a loud pounding against his wall, just in front of them, made them freeze and a smothered, but furious voice reached them:
"Keep it down! Some are trying to study here!" Oikawa shouted.
Kiku actually chuckled while Hajime had to bite hard on his lower lip to not laugh, still slowly moving in and out of her but now, they were trying to stay quiet. But they were too frustrated to stay quiet. Suddenly pulling out of Kiku, which made her scream in complain, she turned around, glaring at him, her messy hair falling all over her face and sticking to her sweaty forehead.
"What do you think you're doing?!" She hissed furiously.
He snorted at her insulted tone before grabbing a few pillows and arranging them around so she would be more comfortable, then he pushed her down with a strong push. She gasped once again, now laying completely on the bed. Still behind her, he pushed her legs apart with his knees as she took grab of a pillow, understanding what he was about to do. He plunged once again into her and she bit on the pillow to smother her growls as he started moving in and out of her, his lips constantly kissing and biting her, smothering his own sounds by doing so. With this position, everything felt more in so many ways and they were quickly close to the edge once again. Accelerating, his hands reached for hers, fingers entwining as their moves became more desperate for release. Their screams got louder until, with a final gasp, they came together. Silence fell upon them, bodies frozen in the state of pure bliss, eyes closed and hearts beating hard.
Hajime let himself drop against Kiku, careful not to crush her until she squeezed his hands. He moved out of her and rolled on his back, breathing hard just as she lifted herself up and moved against him, kissing his lips tenderly. She straddled him, still kissing softly, his fingers against her soft body and tangled in her hair. When he got hard again, she started riding him, still sweetly kissing him in between short breaths. Holding her, he rolled both of them over, bodies sliding against one another, this time keeping a slow pace to tenderly make love to each other.
[SFW]
When they had come and gone through a few more love sessions, they cuddled together under the covers, getting sleepy from all the emotions and sensations they had gone through. Hajime was keeping Kiku tight against his body, making sure they'd be pressed as close as physically possible together. Their hands were entwined and he kept leaving lazy, peppering kisses against her neck and brushing his nose into her hair, smelling her familiar scent.
"Feeling better?" Kiku asked, a smile on her lips, referring to his confession of the morning when he had said he had been feeling frustrated.
"Yeah…" He answered with an amazed smile, "You always make me feel better, cupcake… but from now on I know what I'll need when I'll lose a game." He added teasingly.
He had wanted to make her chuckle but instead she kept her lips tight, glancing at him, almost in a scolding way.
"Don't say you'll lose again. You won't. You'll win next time, and the time after, and after and after and forever."
He was the one to chuckle at that.
"Yeah, you're right… even if no team is guaranteed victory, no team can win if you don't believe in victory. Sorry about that." He said, propping himself up on his elbow and leaning down to kiss her nose.
She chuckled adorably at the sweet kiss before cupping his cheek to look into his beautiful eyes. They stared at each other, unable to look away or let go of the sensation of warmth and peace they felt just being with each other.
"You… are going to stay in Sendai… to study Biology and train for the National team." She started with a shaky voice.
His smile dropped, both knowing they needed to talk about it eventually.
"Yeah. A-and you? What… are you going to study? Where will you go?" He asked.
She seemed hesitant, letting go of his cheek and staring up at the ceiling, an uneasy light in her eyes. He couldn't tell if it was because they were talking about this topic in particular, or because she was hesitant.
"I… want to study Law in Tokyo."
Hajime opened wide eyes. In all the options he had imagined Kiku might choose, he hadn't considered she'd study Law.
"I want to become a lawyer who will help young children who are abused and need homes, or don't have any…" She explained, not daring to meet his eyes.
He looked down at her, now understanding what their teacher had talked about and why she seemed so hesitant. With her past, she felt more concerned than most with the fate of adopted or abused children, but it also made her even more fragile…
"Why?" He asked, shaking lightly his head, "Y-you're brilliant, you could do anything, why would you do something that's going to break you?"
She looked up at him, hurt that he had so little faith in her and her choices.
"I… I want to help people like me. Children who need families, who are abused by their families, I don't want the system to ruin more lives. It's not going to break me, I'm stronger than that and… helping others is what I do best. Why does no one believe in me?"
He suddenly felt guilty for his words. He closed and opened his lips for a while, thinking carefully on her words and on what he should say next:
"…It sounds like you, putting others first once again… and I… I believe in you, I know that you'll do great. You'd be an amazing lawyer. But I'm just… worried…"
"That I'll break?"
"That you'll be alone when it'll happen."
Kiku stared at him, tears filling her eyes. He looked straight into her eyes, taking a shaky breath in:
"You're going to Tokyo for that, right? To accomplish your dream to help children in the same situation as you? It's a beautiful dream and I'm a hundred percent behind you, I'll always support you but… promise me you won't let it get it to you and you'll make sure to put yourself first when you'll need. Promise me… you won't let go of life, ever…" He whispered, voice breaking a little.
She opened her trembling lips, eyes teary from his words.
"…I-I promise, Hajime… I won't let go of life…" She answered in a whisper before looking hesitantly into his eyes, "You said that you're scared I'd break while being alone… is this… is this your way of saying… you want… us to end?"
Her voice was shaking, bravely holding back her tears while her heart pounded in distress, but she held on. She would respect his decision for his future, their future, as long as he was happy, it was all that mattered.
Hajime thought about this question for a long moment, unable to look at her.
"…I don't want us to end…" He said in a low voice, "But… I don't want of a long-distance relationship either…"
"I don't want it either."
They looked at each other sadly. They wouldn't ask the other to give up on their dream or their goal.
"Then… should we… is this the end?" He asked, heart heavy.
"I don't know…"
They remained silent for a long moment, not knowing what to do, or what to say. They didn't want their story to end, but they didn't want to have their relationship, their lives away from each other. If they couldn't be together all the time, what was the point?
"We could… think about it a little longer… the school year isn't over, we won't graduate for a while… we'll decide then…" Hajime said in a hesitant voice.
She looked up at him, then nodded silently. He let out a breath of relief, laying down and pulling her to him once again. She relaxed under his touch, closing her eyes, a smile tugging at her lips. Seeing this peaceful expression on her face, he smiled as well, despite the sad tugging at his heart that this could end in a few months…
"What are your other options after Law School? My options two and three are police officer and firefighter." He said.
She smiled brighter, imagining him very well doing such jobs.
"Always protecting others, without surprise… My other options are taking after my parents' bakery, or veterinary."
He snorted, which made her look up.
"I actually thought you'd do that. Veterinary, I mean. I hadn't thought of the bakery but… it suits you just as much as lawyer…"
She smiled and they were lost into each other's eyes once again. He leaned down to kiss her softly. It tasted like sadness and goodbye even if they weren't over yet.
A few days later, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were playing video games, the latter losing dramatically until the heavy silence from his friend became too much:
"Will you finally say what's on your mind, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa asked after a while, their eyes fixated on the screen.
Iwaizumi glanced at him, surprised by his sudden question.
"You've seemed off recently, and you usually bathe in the glory of your victories over me, so there's definitely something wrong. Is it because of Kiku-chan?"
"H-how…"
"I know you better than I know myself, Iwa-chan. Kiku-chan has seemed just as strange lately so I guess it's something between you two."
Oikawa turned his gaze towards his friend very quickly. Iwaizumi recovered from his initial shock, lips closing and looking down as they paused the game without a word.
"…She's going to study in Tokyo."
"Oh~! That's great! It means we'll be together! I'll know someone!" Oikawa exclaimed before realizing what the problem was, "Oh… But… you are staying here…"
"Yeah… she's been… she's still hesitating a little so… I kinda hope she'll change her mind but whenever I think that, I feel guilty for thinking such a thing. We decided… that we'll probably end things when we'll go our own way but everything seems so sad now…" He explained carefully.
Oikawa remained silent, trying to find a way to comfort his friend, maybe even a solution to their problem. They would both go their own ways to study, but it didn't have to end.
"Perhaps you could come study to Tokyo too, or maybe you could maintain your relationship anyway – Kiku would probably come back here often, and you could come and visit Tokyo too. You staying in Sendai is only temporary so–"
"You don't think I haven't thought of that?" Iwaizumi grumbled, passing his hands over his face, "Knowing that Kiku waits for me in Tokyo would just encourage me to go there as often as possible, I'll have to study, she'll have to focus on her studies too. It'd be too distracting and–"
"Aren't you fooling yourself by saying that, Iwa-chan?" Oikawa interrupted calmly, earning a strange look from his friend, "The truth is… the two of you don't want to handle the pain of being away from each other."
Hajime didn't answer before looking down. Godzilla seemed to understand that his dad was feeling troubled because he walked over and put his head against his thigh, as if trying to comfort him. Without a word, Hajime lightly scratched the back of his head, the way the bearded dragon liked most.
"Yeah… but the truth hurts." He finally said.
Oikawa put his hand over his shoulder, squeezing in an attempt of comfort.
A few days later, like they always did recently, Hajime and Kiku arrived together at school:
"Go ahead, I have something to check before going to class," Kiku said, letting go of his hand and going back on her footsteps.
He observed her go away. She always found an excuse in the morning or at various moments of the day to escape. He tried not to dwell on it, there was no point in worrying for no reason, and mostly, he wanted to believe she trusted him enough to share whatever she had on her mind if she ever needed to talk to anyone. He went on his own in the classroom while Yukimura Shinobu arrived at the range of shoe lockers.
She glanced around to discreetly check if Oikawa had arrived but was disappointed when he wasn't, knowing she might not cross his path before lunch, she took off her shoes. She was about to continue her way when she noticed someone approaching. She recognized her classmate, Muraki coming closer and staring firmly at Kiku's locker. She met eyes with Shinobu and quickly went to her own locker before hurrying to class.
"Shi-chan!"
She turned around and saw Kiku coming closer to her, quickly taking off and changing her shoes.
"Is everything all right for you, Kiku-chan?" She asked worriedly.
"Ah? Yes, of course! Just a little stressed with the exams coming up…" She explained sheepishly.
And before Shinobu could ask anything else, someone else appeared – rather than appearing in their field of vision, they heard the squeals announcing his arrival:
"Oikawa-san~!" Shinobu exclaimed, stars in her eyes as he approached the two girls.
"Yoohoo~! Kiku-chan, Shi-chan~! How are you?" He asked in a good mood before glancing around and blinking, "Where is Iwa-chan?"
"He already went to the classroom," Kiku exclaimed with a smile as he changed his shoes.
"Ah, is that so~! Then, ladies, shall I accompany you to your classroom~?" He asked with a little bow to appear gentlemanly.
Kiku rolled her eyes and started walking while, unfazed by her reaction, Oikawa winked quickly at Shinobu, as if they were sharing a secret. Blushing and chuckling at his attention, they fell into conversation, followed by Kiku close behind.
That day, after school, Iwaizumi and Oikawa went to see the first and second-years at practice. The kouhais enthusiastically gathered around them, talking proudly about what their last practice match they had won. While Oikawa was teasing Yahaba as new setter and Captain, Kyoutani warily glanced around before nearing Iwaizumi.
"Oi… Where's Akiyama?" He asked in a hard voice, but making sure to not be heard by anyone else but the former Ace.
Iwaizumi blinked before pointing over his shoulder:
"She needed to see the teacher. She said she'd come watch your practice when she's done. It shouldn't take long."
Kyoutani frowned darkly but just went back to the cart of balls, practicing his serves while the others were still talking with their senpais.
"Still as lonely as ever I see…" Oikawa commented, approaching Iwaizumi while the boys were scolded by Mizoguchi for wasting too much time.
"Mm. But he's part of the team." Iwaizumi answered with a nod, arms crossed over his chest.
They watched from the sidelines their kouhais playing, the new team with new dynamic. A good team.
"It's a good team." Oikawa finally said, his expression full of melancholy even if their time on the team hadn't been that long ago.
"They're strong." Iwaizumi agreed with a similar gaze.
Hajime's eyes were attracted on Kyoutani who kept glancing at the clock, a tiny bit of jealousy in his heart that his kouhai seemed so impatient to see Kiku. Losing his smile and frowning a little, without quite realizing it, he started staring hard at the lonely wolf. After a while, Oikawa noticed the hard gaze as well and glanced between the two:
"Since when do you have a grudge against Kyouken-chan? Angry he took your place as Ace?" He asked, voice a little teasing.
"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffed, rolling his eyes, "He asked me about Kiku, he's been weird ever since."
"Jealous~?"
Hajime flushed in a mix of embarrassment and annoyance but didn't deny it. Oikawa chuckled at his reaction just as a break was called. Their kouhai all went to drink some refreshing water – all but one.
"Oi, where you're going Kyoutani?" Yahaba asked, frowning lightly.
He glanced over his shoulder very quickly, almost glaring before answering sharply:
"Toilets."
A little embarrassed to have asked him such a thing, Yahaba didn't add anything while his teammate went off, Iwaizumi's gaze never leaving him. When the break was almost over, Hajime realized two things: Kyoutani wasn't coming back – and so did Kiku. It was getting too long for her to just talk with the teacher.
"I'll be back soon," Hajime said abruptly, turning around and leaving suddenly.
He couldn't get rid of the bad feeling in the pit of his stomach now. Something weird was going on. He went to the toilets, but without surprise, Kyoutani wasn't here so he went directly to the main building, knowing that Kiku would be around. He went to the teacher's classroom but their teacher was alone and he told Hajime that Kiku had been gone for almost ten minutes now – more than enough time for her to go to the gymnasium. Now worried, he started exploring the halls, classrooms and various places she might have gone to. His steps suddenly slowed down, seeing Kyoutani a few meters ahead of him.
"OI! Kyoutani!"
The kouhai startled and turned around just as Hajime caught up with him, frowning and his worry now getting the best of him:
"What's going on? What are you doing here? Are you looking for Kiku? She's nowhere to be found and I have a bad feeling that–"
His voice was cut by the sound of something falling down. The two boys' gazes were attracted to some dark hall further down the hall. Without hesitation, Kyoutani turned around and hurried there, followed closely by a much more panicked Hajime. They arrived in the hall in a few long strides and if Kyoutani didn't appear surprised, only even angrier than usual, Hajime was shocked for a short moment. He was shocked to see the events unfolding under his eyes, but he wasn't that surprised.
Muraki, and two other girls he didn't even know, had just pushed Kiku against the wall.
"OI!" Hajime shouted.
The three bullies turned around at once, eyes widening and faces paling when they saw Hajime, glaring at them and looking incredibly dangerous.
"What do you think you're doing?" He hissed.
"I-Iwaizumi-san…!" One of them murmured in a panic.
Kiku looked up, stunned to see both Kyoutani and her boyfriend there, but she couldn't deny the rapid, happy heartbeats that resonated against her chest to see them here.
"W-we were just… we were just talking!" Muraki exclaimed, starting to lose all countenance, like most bullies did when caught.
Hajime hit his fist against the palm of his other hand, looking down at the three trembling girls.
"Ah yeah? I'd like to talk to you too then…" He hissed.
Kyoutani glanced at him, a little worried he'd get in trouble for a fight – but he wouldn't be one to stop him unless things got truly messy.
"W-wait, I-Iwaizumi-san…!" Muraki exclaimed, stepping away, tears filling her eyes.
Hajime took a threatening step forward but suddenly, Kiku jumped in front of the three girls, hands in the air. He froze, eyes wide in astonishment:
"W-wait! Hajime! Stop that!" She exclaimed, a little pale herself but from the bullying rather than her boyfriend's protectiveness.
"They were hitting you, they were bullying you… How long did it go on?!" Hajime exclaimed.
Kiku looked down sheepishly, suddenly being hit by the guilt that any of this wouldn't have happened if she had talked to him about it. Or to a teacher. The girls looked away in shame as well.
Hajime looked at each and every one of them, even Kyoutani, eyes narrowing when he realized that his kouhai knew.
"You didn't tell me anything…" He muttered, talking to both Kyoutani and Kiku.
"B-because… I knew you'd react like that… I didn't want to worry you when you have so much on your mind already…" Kiku explained in a slightly trembling voice.
"It's my job to protect you! I'm your boyfriend, you can't just hide this sort of things from me! You can't just let it slide out of kindness! Stop being so kind, Kiku, get a little selfish!" He exclaimed, passing his hands over his face and into his hair.
Kyoutani and the girls glanced between him and Kiku, realizing they were starting to argue, even if it seemed totally ridiculous with how it had started.
Kiku didn't answer right away, tightening her fists as he continued:
"You forgave Fujioka, now you're forgiving them as well! You probably forgave the Himura for what they did to you, haven't you?! And your biological parents?! When will you stop being so… so ridiculously kind?! When will you stop undergo all of this shit, and face the people who always make you suffer?! If you don't stand up for yourself, they'll just keep doing this to you! I won't always be here to protect you, you have to be strong on your own! Be selfish, damn it! It's only human!" He shouted, his voice, angry at first, slowly filling with worry for all the times he hadn't been here for her, and the times he won't be here for her in the future.
Kiku didn't answer, keeping her head low, clenching her fists and jaw. When the silence became too long and too heavy, Hajime realized the weight of his words and guilt filled him. He had raised his voice again Kiku…
"I-I'm sorry, I didn't mean to…"
But his voice trailed off when she looked up at him fiercely. Her blue eyes vibrant with life and strength. It was a gaze he had never seen on her. She was always so soft and kind, always smiling with a pretty spark in her eyes – but now. Now she looked like she could take on the entire world and come out victorious just from the sheer strength emanating from her. He was breathless.
"You think I don't want to be selfish? You think it was easy forgiving them? Any of them?" She hissed before taking the few steps separating her from Hajime and then poking harshly into his chest, "You're talking about strength but you don't know the meaning of this word for all of your muscles and power! You're holding onto a ridiculous grudge that won't let you move forward – how is that strong?! You don't know what it took me to forgive them all, but because I have forgiven it doesn't mean I have forgotten any of that! I won't let it happen again! Not to me and not to anyone else!"
She stopped, breathing a little hard, as if suddenly remembering why she wanted to become a lawyer that would protect children like her. Because she didn't want to let any of what had happened to her, happen to them.
"My kindness is my strength. It's the biggest strength in the universe. And you're a fool to doubt it." Kiku said, standing tall and proud in renewed determination.
Mouth hanging open, stunned by her words, by the strength he knew she had in her but had momentarily forgotten out of anger and worry, Hajime could only stare at her, eyes sparkling in love and awe. Before anyone could add anything, Kiku whipped around and stared at the three girls who startled and paled even more.
"Leave me alone. I've told you this times and times again, and I didn't tell anything to anyone to not ruin your last months as high-schooler, but do that again and it's not me you'll have to face. But the entire volleyball team – and you don't want to piss them off!" She exclaimed firmly.
Kyoutani huffed with a glare to support her words. The girls didn't say anything, too scared, impressed and ashamed for that.
Kiku turned around and walked past Hajime, Kyoutani following her. Hajime remained frozen where he stood, eyes widening to see her walk away from him without a glance back at him. He had naturally assumed, with everything they had gone through, the depth of their feelings for each other that… she was depending on him, relying on him for everything. But he was realizing that he might have been the one depending completely on Kiku all along.
"I-Iwaizumi-san…" Muraki started.
Being brought back on earth, he turned around without a glance in her direction, ignoring her voice as he went after Kiku and Kyoutani, his heart thundering against his chest.
Further away, Kiku stopped at the teacher's classroom, she exchanged a few words with Kyoutani then entered the room before Hajime could catch up.
There was a short moment of awkward silence between the two volleyball players until Kyoutani spoke up:
"Sorry… for not saying a thing. She asked me to. I thought I was helping." He said, hands in his pockets and gaze down.
Hajime stared at him then had a tiny smile:
"Thank you for keeping an eye out for her. But next time you want to help people, just know that letting the bullies get away with it isn't the solution – get a teacher's help. They won't bite you and you won't have to show your fangs either."
Kyoutani glanced up at him, then visibly relaxed that his esteemed senpai didn't hold a grudge against him for hiding that his girlfriend was being bullied.
"Go back to practice, before Yahaba decides to send the entire team on a hunt for you." Iwaizumi said, nodding towards the other end of the hall.
Kyoutani glanced quickly at the door where Kiku had disappeared to.
"I'll wait for Kiku." Hajime said, earning a quick glance from his kouhai but he must have decided that he'd rather stay away from the lovebirds' mess because he turned around.
When Kiku exited the teacher's room, she blinked in surprise to see Hajime here, especially after their argument. He glanced at her sheepishly and after an awkward silence, they started walking out of the building, getting their bags and without a word, deciding to walk away from the school grounds. Oikawa would probably be pissed off to have been left behind without warning, but he was the furthest away from the couple's minds. They took the way for Kiku's home, walking slowly. For once, not to spend as much time together as possible, but simply to try and find something to say.
"Do you think I'm weak?" Hajime suddenly asked, stopping suddenly.
Kiku stopped as well, turning around and staring at him with wide eyes. He seemed frustrated, distraught – by her words without doubt.
"You're talking about strength but you don't know the meaning of this word for all of your muscles and power! You're holding onto a ridiculous grudge that won't let you move forward – how is that strong?!"
"I… of course I think you're strong. I was… I wasn't not telling the truth when I said that earlier but… your strength… and mine… they're different." Kiku started with a little shrug.
He looked up at her, waiting for her explanation:
"Like I said, my strength is my kindness. But your strength… Hajime, you're strong because you're so determined. You never give up, you support others, you protect and you're so kind, you don't even realize how inspiring you can be. You know what to do no matter the situation. You spent years practicing for the sake of realizing your dream, attaining your goal – it's amazing! Dedicating so much time to your passion, to this single goal…! All of that, your kindness and this strength of yours, so different from mine… it's what I love about you. Maybe it's because it is a different strength from mine that you've inspired me so much…"
She paused, a little smile on her face while she thought about her own words.
"If my strength is my heart, then… your strength is your mind." She concluded with a bright smile.
He stared at her, heart beating fast, comforted by her words and falling even more in love with her.
"You're just as inspiring…" He said with a smile.
Kiku smiled then slowly, it disappeared. She looked up at him, once again showing her unwavering determination:
"Hajime, I talked again to the teacher. I was hesitating because… I don't want to be separated from you and because it might be the wrong path but… now I know I won't regret it, it won't be the wrong path that I'm choosing. So… even if… it means losing you… I will go study Law in Tokyo." She said with a firm voice.
He sighed, smiling lightly, rubbing the back of his neck then letting his fingers go through his hair. He looked up at the sky, closing his eyes, heart heavy, but his lips were smiling.
"…I was expecting that. I had hoped for that, even if it breaks my heart." He said in a tight voice before looking back at Kiku.
Both had shining eyes, but they were smiling, choosing their respective paths without regret.
"I can't wait to see you reach your goal." He said encouragingly, eyes sparkling proudly to have seen her grow so much from the timid girl he had met at the beginning of the school year.
"And I, yours." She answered with a chuckle.
His hand reached out hesitantly for hers, and she let her own fingers brush against his until their hands entwined in a tight hold.
"Let's go." He said with a smile.
Glad that they were over the little skirmish from earlier and that all of their doubts had been erased, they could only embrace the time that was given to them, whether it was a few more months, a few more years or even perhaps, a few more decades.
Boring chapter, but I needed to finsih the sutff wiht the bullying and I needed to have Kiku confident about her choice for Law School. Next chapter is once again a bit of a filter to conclude some subplots and side stories, then we'll have the final arc! :)
I hope you've enjoyed this chapter!
Yours Truly,
May