Sorry for not posting earlier, but I really struggled writing this chapter AND I was trying to finish Sowlmates etc. Anyway, here is the new chapter, and next chapter might be the last one. One or two more chapters and the epilogue, and it'll be over. BUT, I'm also going to start posting Oikawa's fanfic - probably tomorrow or in the week. :)
Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed! :D
Aquafin: I'm glad you liked last chapter and I hope you'll like this one! :D
LuxKlara : Questo capitolo anche è intenso. Il comincio di questo cpaitolo è un po filler, perché sono cosi che devo scrivere e finire; ma è soppratutto il comincio dell' arco finale! ;D Spero che ti piacerai! :D
LadyAnnikki : Thank you for your reviews! I want to answer fully to your first review, but the second one is hilarious because everyone you pointed out was what was discussed in the chapter that followed right after! XD I hope you kept reading and enjoyed the rest of it~! :3
AnimeViolinist001 : I really liked your reviews, your reactios are so funny but in a good way! XD I'm glad you caught up and I hope you'll like what happens next! ;)
nana: I don't think we'll ever know about the embarrassing things concerning Makki; partly becasue it's funny to have people imagine what it might be, and partly (mostly) becasue I don't have a good enough idea for that, lol. So it'll remain a mystery (Hajime will eventually know from Kiku, but he'll keep it a secret out of respect for his friend). Thank you for your support! :D
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE
CHAPTER LVII : Underneath the Christmas Lights
"That is the thing about selfish people. They gamble entire beings, entire souls to please their own."
— Rupi Kaur, Milk and Honey
"Be careful who you open up to. Only a few people actually care. The rest just want to have something to gossip about."
— Anonymous
"Not everyone can feel things as deeply as you. Most people, their feelings are … bland, tasteless. They'll never understand what it's like to read a poem and feel almost like they're flying, or to see a bleeding fish and feel grief that shatters their heart…"
— Garey, Juliann. Too Bright to Hear Too Loud to See
"Tears shed for another person are not a sign of weakness. They are a sign of a pure heart."
— José N. Harris, MI VIDA: A Story of Faith, Hope and Love
"You know, a heart can be broken, but it keeps on beating, just the same."
— Fannie Flagg, Fried Green Tomatoes at the Whistle Stop Cafe
"There are a few great souls in my life. They are not many. They are few. You are one."
— Anne Sexton, A Self-Portrait In Letters
"When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're not messing with just that part. Unfortunately, you can't be that precise and selective. When you mess with one part of a person's life, you're messing with their entire life."
— Jay Asher, Thirteen Reasons Why
"A little darkness, in itself, at the time, is nothing. You think no more about it and you go on. But I know what darkness is, it accumulates, thickens, then suddenly bursts and drowns everything."
— Samuel Beckett
"That is all I want in life: for this pain to seem purposeful."
— Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation
"You are different from the rest. Your heart is pure. Rejoice. The broken are the more evolved."
— Split (2017), Dir. M. Night Shyamalan
"So here's my question: when you lose the most important person to you in the entire world, where is all the love – love you never even knew you were capable of – supposed to go?"
— Ted Michael, Crash Test Love
"You're leaving already?" Hajime asked when he saw Kiku gather her books.
"Yes, I have to join Yuuna-chan and Shi-chan in town, we said we'd go shopping." She answered with a smile.
"Oh…"
Sad to see him so disheartened, she leaned down to kiss his forehead.
"I'll call you tonight. See you tomorrow, muffin," she said before leaving his room.
"See you tomorrow," he answered, watching her leave.
Sighing deeply, he let himself fall to lay on his back, staring at the ceiling. They were already in December and soon it would be the Christmas holiday and right after the Spring-High, to which they would not participate yet again, it'd be March very quickly. The final exams, they'd graduate and…
Hajime sighed again, sitting up to study a little more even if his head was far away from it.
All the third-years had given their orientation papers and filled all the documents for the inscriptions in their chosen university. They still had to go through the entrance exams and wait to know whether they were accepted or not, but everyone was starting to imagine their lives as university students. Matsukawa was going to study to become a (math) teacher, Hanamaki had surprisingly chosen social studies – it probably was because of Kiku's influence and story that had taken a bigger toil on him than he cared to admit. Oikawa would train for the National team and join the Black Moon Agency in Tokyo and Kiku would follow him to study Law. As for Hajime… he'll train for the National team and study Biology here, in Sendai University. Which meant that he'd go from practically living with Oikawa and Kiku, to see his best friend and girlfriend once every few weeks. If he and Kiku even remained together once she'll move away. They were waiting for the university entrance exams before discussing whether they would break up or not.
In Sendai…
Kiku looked around in the crowd of people and quickly noticed her two friends standing further away.
"Shi-chan! Yuu-chan! Sorry I'm late!" She exclaimed, bowing down to apologize.
"It's okay, you were with Iwaizumi-san I suppose?" Shinobu said with an amused smile.
Kiku chuckled in embarrassment, flushing adorably.
"Let's go, we need to find Christmas gifts to everyone," Yuuna said, looking away.
The two classmates followed her, buying all the gifts for their friends and families.
"Have you chosen a gift for Iwaizumi or not yet?" Shinobu asked Kiku when they were taking a break at WcDonalds.
"Yes, I have! It's a big Godzilla mug! I know he has wanted it for a while, now!" She answered excitedly.
She drank some of her drink before looking at Shinobu curiously:
"By the way, I noticed you bought some alien stuff – I didn't know you liked that. You should definitely talk about it with Oikawa-san."
"Ah, it's not for me, it's for… it's for Oikawa-san~!" She answered, flushing as she said that.
Kiku and Yuuna blinked just as she continued, a dreamy look on her face:
"I'm going to confess to him~! And when we'll be dating, we'll spend Christmas together! It'll be the best Christmas of my life!" She exclaimed happily.
The two other girls glanced at each other, surprised by the declaration. It wasn't a secret that Shinobu had a huge crush on the prince of Aoba Jousai, but they wouldn't have imagined she'd confess. Kiku had once asked her why she liked him and it was the same reasons as any of his fans – he was handsome, and talented, and intelligent, and kind, etc. and Shinobu never tried confessing before. Oikawa wasn't hiding that he didn't want of another girlfriend for the moment because he wanted to find "the one" – Kiku knew it was because he had developed a crush on some girl from Shiratorizawa, whose identity he didn't know; he didn't count on finding her again or anything happening, but it made him realize that all of his relationships until now had been blank.
"W-why would you suddenly confess to him?" Kiku asked curiously.
"Now that we're friends and getting much closer, I feel like I have a chance! He invited me to his place the other day, after all~!"
"…I thought it was because you two were studying?" Yuuna asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yes, but it's just an excuse to spend more time together!"
"Are you… sure?" Kiku asked, not really seeing any change in Oikawa's behavior towards her.
"Yes! I know it, because I love him!"
Once again, Yuuna and Kiku glanced at each other. It was a big, sudden statement. And it didn't feel right when one obviously didn't have any romantic feeling for the other.
"I don't see what's so great about him." Yuuna shrugged, trying to turn off the uncomfortable feeling she and Kiku felt.
"Because you don't know him – you are a fool for rejecting him all these years!" Shinobu continued, "Even though I perfectly understand why you did, being in love with someone else."
Yuuna gasped and blushed while Kiku looked up curiously:
"Wait – what? You were in love with someone else? Who?! You never told me anything!"
Realizing her mistake, Shinobu quickly looked down at her drink, Yuuna avoiding looking at her best friend, and the very-girl she had liked all along. Kiku glanced between the both of them, staring hard at Yuuna whom she had thought had never hidden anything from her.
"Yuuna! Is this true?!" Kiku asked again, not understanding why she wouldn't tell her.
"I-it's in the past, t-this person never liked me and is with someone else now… that's why I never told you anything…" Yuuna said with a tight voice.
KIku stared at her, hurt – that she was never trusted and she had never been here for her friend when she needed… Shinobu quickly glanced between the two before focusing once again on her drink.
"Yuuna… I'm sorry I wasn't here for you… you should have talked to me, I could have understood, you know…" She said, putting her hand on her friend's back.
Slowly, Yuuna turned around, forcing a smile on her face:
"Thank you. Next time I fall in love… you'll be the first person to know! I promise!" She said, trying to ignore the way her throat tightened, and her eyes stung.
Kiku seemed reassured and Shinobu spoke up, trying to change the topic to dismiss her sense of guilt for bringing up the subject in the first place:
"M-maybe we could on double dates, r-right Kiku-chan?"
Kiku hesitated before looking down and nodding, slurping her drink to not answer. Shinobu didn't realize her strange behavior or how Yuuna stared firmly at Kiku.
It was only later, when Yuuna and Kiku were walking home, that the topic was brought up again:
"You should tell her." Yuuna said.
"Tell what? To who?" Kiku asked, pretending to not know what she was referring to.
"Shinobu, you should tell her she has no chance with Oikawa! If you let her hope for nothing, then she'll be even more broken-hearted when he'll turn her down!" She answered.
"I-I can't do that! I don't actually know what Oikawa-san would answer to her… perhaps he'll actually say yes and they'll start dating. He's been saying he's feeling lonely so, maybe–"
"Kiku, we both know he won't. He's not interested by Shinobu, she's not even his type – and didn't you say he wanted to wait to find someone special to date this person?"
"W-well, yes, but it's Oikawa-kun, you know he can be fickle. He could change his mind before the end of the school year… and he has been getting closer to Shi-chan, so… maybe he is a little interested by her…"
"Isn't it just because Oikawa and Shinobu end up forced together because you and Iwaizumi just spend more and more time together?" She asked, raising her eyebrow.
Kiku went to a stop, flushing before shrugging.
"I-I don't know anymore! But I know I shouldn't get in the way, nor encourage either of them to anything. I can't tell Shinobu to abandon all hopes, and I can't tell Oikawa to date her either so… they'll settle it on their own. Whatever they feel, whatever they want… they're both stubborn enough to do what will feel right."
"Shouldn't you know, he's your new best friend after all…" Yuuna muttered, looking down annoyingly.
The blue-eyed girl whipped towards her, stunned by her words. And hurt by the bitterness of her voice.
"…It's true that I spend more and more time with Oikawa, and that he's become a very good friend… but he'll never replace you, Yuuna. You are my best friend, you've always been and always will be!" She exclaimed.
Yuuna stared at her for a long time, eyes filled with sadness and emotions Kiku couldn't quite understand. She opened and closed her lips, as if to say something but finally, Yuuna's shoulders dropped and she looked away, sighing.
"…For someone usually so perceptive about people, you can be so clueless…" She murmured.
"W-what do you mean?" Kiku asked, blinking in confusion.
"Nevermind. Keep me updated on what happens between Shi-chan and Oikawa!" Yuuna exclaimed, turning around to leave.
She waved at Kiku who didn't have time to hold her back or say anything. She watched her friend leave, wondering why she was more and more distant everyday…
That day, laying on top of her bed, Kiku called Hajime, both discussing their days, and mostly, she talked about the discussions of the day with the girls.
"Shinobu is in love with Oikawa?" He asked, sounding shocked.
"You really hadn't noticed…?" She answered, holding back a sigh.
"Well, no. I don't really notice anymore after so many years of girls flocking to him, y'know."
There was a pause before he spoke up again:
"So, she's gonna confess to him?"
"Mm, she wants to spend Christmas with him, so it should be soon."
"Good luck, we always spend Christmas with our families. Which is why you can't join me, because you'll be with your family…" He grumbled.
"You do realize that despite everything you usually say, you just admitted that Oikawa is family to you? You two spend Christmas together."
"…Whatever. He doesn't want a girlfriend for the moment because of what happened with that Shiratorizawa girl. Doesn't Shinobu know that anyway?"
"She said that they got closer."
"He didn't tell me anything – not that he tells me much about his love life, anyway…"
"We might go on double dates with them, then," she said with an amused smile.
"Geh…"
She chuckled and she could guess his smile on the other side of the line. She quickly lost her joy.
"I'm worried about Yuuna… she doesn't seem well, and I've learned she's in love and broken-hearted but she didn't tell me anything. I hope she'll be okay… I can't help but think that there's more and more distance between us…" She said sadly.
"Ah…" He answered, unsure on what he could say, knowing of Yuuna's feelings for his girlfriend.
"I'm going to take my bath, I'll see you tomorrow, Hajime," she said, sitting up on her bed.
"All right, see you tomorrow cupcake. And don't worry… I'm sure Yuuna will be okay."
"…Thank you. Love you."
"Love you too, cupcake."
The following day, she and Hajime couldn't help but observe closely the behavior of Oikawa and Shinobu. Now knowing she had feelings for him, Iwaizumi realized that she was indeed, in love, but Oikawa, on the other hand… he acted with her the way he did with anyone else. Shinobu was hopefully blinded.
"Do you think you could talk to Oikawa?" Kiku asked Hajime in a low voice during lunch, making sure no one else would hear them.
"What? Are you crazy? He's gonna laugh at me! What even do you want me to say? It doesn't concern me!"
"It concerns your best friend," she answered, "At least it'll keep him from being surprise when she'll confess."
"Firstly, he'll never be surprised by someone's confession – secondly, why don't you go and talk to her and convince her there's no illusion to have?" He replied, frowning at her.
"Geeh… b-but…"
"Iwa-chan, Kiku-chan~!"
They both startled when Oikawa suddenly showed up next to them. He blinked, surprised by their unexplainable, embarrassed reaction.
"You're okay? You're being awfully quiet today," he said.
"O-oh, sorry, we were just… talking about…" Kiku started, turning helplessly towards her boyfriend.
"U-uh, we were talking about… aliens!"
"Aliens?" Oikawa repeated, confused but curious.
She nodded, before turning to frown at Hajime. He had to choose the one topic that would get Oikawa even more curious. He made a weird face, shrugging his shoulders in a vague attempt of expressing that he had had no clue of what he had been doing. She sighed, turning towards Oikawa:
"I saw some videos about it last night and I was… um, confused about a few things. Which is why I asked Hajime."
"You should have asked me, then! What are you confused about?"
"U-um…"
"About Roswell's events," Hajime said.
"OH! Then, let me give you an explanation~! It's so interesting~! Do you want the short version or the long version?"
"The less troublesome version," Iwaizumi mumbled, earning an elbowing from his girlfriend.
"The short version will be enough, thank you," she said with a smile.
Oikawa was so enthusiastic that he completely forgot their weird behavior. They sent a look at each other, relieved but not knowing what to do about their friends.
Kiku and Hajime didn't have time to decide on what to do about them, whether they should say anything to either of the two, because after class, they learned from one of Oikawa's classmate that Shinobu had come to see him and asked to talk to him in private. They had left somewhere quiet and it didn't take long for everyone to figure out that another girl would confess to Oikawa.
"Iwaizumi!" Makki called when he saw the couple from afar, "Did you hear? Yukimura is confessing to Oikawa!"
"Yeah, we know. I don't see why everyone is making such a fuss."
"Well, no one has confessed to Oikawa since he told that girl in Mattsun's class that he didn't want to date to focus on his studies. Even though we all know it's because he has a thing for that Shiratorizawa girl!"
"Makki, you're not supposed to talk about it!" Kiku scolded, trying to hush him but no one paid them much attention, "Oikawa asked us to keep it a secret to not spread weird rumors!"
"I know, I know, don't worry! His whole story is still unbelievable–"
A series of gasp and whispers interrupted him as suddenly, Shinobu came back running and crying, ignoring the crowd of students.
"Shi-chan!" Kiku called, going after her for comfort.
"Oi!" Hajime called.
Kiku managed to catch up to Shinobu, grabbing her hand but she immediately pulled away:
"Leave me alone! It's all your fault! I should have never come to you!" She shouted.
Shocked, Kiku stared at her friend who held back a sob just as Iwaizumi and Hanamaki caught up with the girls. Hajime immediately put his hand on Kiku's shoulder, frowning at Shinobu.
"W-what do you mean?" Kiku asked hesitantly, "I-I didn't tell Oikawa-kun anything, a-and I just wanted to help you–"
"Cut it with your good nature!" She hissed, turning around to leave the school grounds.
"Oi! What's your problem?! You're friends, aren't you?!" Hajime exclaimed, protectively walking before Kiku to keep her safe from the harsh words.
Shinobu remained frozen a short moment before leaving without a word.
"What the heck?" Makki asked, blinking, "Ah! Oikawa!"
The setter came back, expression grim, he had obviously seen the entire scene. He glanced at Kiku then immediately looked down:
"I'm sorry, Kiku-chan, she shouldn't have let it out on you." He said.
"W-what do you mean? She– what happened?" Kiku asked in a trembling voice.
Oikawa seemed uncomfortable, glancing around and rubbing the back of his neck before sighing deeply, knowing he couldn't lie to his friend:
"Shi-chan confessed to me. And I rejected her."
"What else? She wouldn't have reacted like that against Kiku otherwise," Iwaizumi said, once again putting a comforting hand on his girlfriend's shoulder.
"…Shi-chan started saying that she didn't understand because her plan had been perfect. I asked her about it and she… admitted that the only reason why she befriended Kiku-chan was because she wanted to get close to me. I'm sorry…"
Hajime immediately turned towards Kiku whose eyes filled with tears. She quickly wiped them away, avoiding looking at her friends.
"It's okay… I… I should have known it…" She murmured sadly.
"Kiku…" Hajime whispered, taking her hand in his and squeezing.
She forced a smile but it didn't reach her eyes. He leaned down to kiss her forehead, quickly glancing at Oikawa and Hanamaki. They both understood that they should leave and Hajime quickly took Kiku home, staying with her a little longer than usual to make sure she was all right. She was shaken up, more by Shinobu's rejection than having been used all along. He remained calm and comforting as long as he was by her side but the moment he was on his way home… he was seething inside. He couldn't believe that Shinobu had had the nerve to befriend Kiku just to flirt with Oikawa! Fists clenched and jaw tight, he went to take a bath but couldn't relax and not long later, Oikawa wasn't surprised by his mood when he arrived in his bedroom.
"What did she say exactly? I'm going to–"
"Calm down, Iwa-chan, I'm sure Shi-chan didn't mean any harm. I'm sure there's an explanation for all this. She was hurt because of my rejection and that's why she reacted the way she did…" Oikawa explained with a shrug.
Iwaizumi sat down grumbling, arms crossed over his chest.
"All right. Talk."
"There isn't much I can add from what I've told you already, but like I said, Shinobu was in shock – she's not a bad girl, I'm sure she meant no harm." Oikawa said with a shrug.
"If she's such a good girl, why didn't you accept her feelings then?" Iwaizumi mumbled.
Oikawa looked hurt he'd think so lowly of him – even though he had been dating girls for fickle reasons such as that.
"You know why. Firstly, she's really not my type – a nice girl and friend but that's it. And… I don't want to date girls without having feelings for them, not anymore. I want… to… I want to fall in love." He said, flushing a little and trying hard not to think of the girl from Shiratorizawa.
He had given up on her, he wouldn't pursue her, wouldn't try to find her, it was the best for them both. Who knew? She might even be friend with this damn Ushiwaka and he wouldn't know it. It'd be terrible.
"…I know, you told me about it. And I respect your choice…" Iwaizumi sighed, shoulders going down, "But seriously, I'm never going to forgive Yukimura for hurting Kiku. Didn't she go through enough already?"
"The best we can do is wait for Shi-chan to calm down and then we'll ask what she meant by all this." Oikawa said.
Iwaizumi nodded grumpily and a few minutes later, he was leaving his friend to check on Kiku.
The following day, he went to get Kiku and she seemed much better than the previous day.
"Did something good happen?" He asked.
"I have you, so it's good! Also, I called Yuu-chan last night and we talked a lot… it helped. I'm glad that my friends, and my marvelous boyfriend, are all here. But… I would like to talk with Shinobu… I-I still don't really understand what happened…" She explained, wrapping her arm around his.
He entwined his fingers with hers and kissed her temple, slowly making their way to Aoba Jousai high-school, close to each other. It was only when they neared the school grounds that they put some more distance, because they were still too shy to show much physical touch in public. When they arrived in their classroom, Shinobu wasn't here yet, which was good in Hajime's opinion but Kiku only grew more and more nervous. When Shinobu finally arrived, head held high despite everyone glancing at her and whispering about the harsh rejection she had suffered, and right on time with the teacher, Kiku couldn't go to her. At break, Shinobu managed to escape long enough to make it, once again, impossible to talk. It was at lunch though that Kiku followed her relentlessly, Iwaizumi following the two to make sure everything would go well.
"Shi-chan! Wait!" Kiku called, finally catching up to Shinobu, "I just want to talk!"
"And I don't! I can't!" She exclaimed, trying to escape but Iwaizumi stood in the way.
She gave him an exasperated look and glanced quickly at Kiku, sighing and looking down.
"I don't want to talk, Kiku…"
"Because of what you did? Using her to get closer to Oikawa?" Iwaizumi asked in a rough voice.
Shinobu looked up at him, then hurt flashed in her eyes and she looked away once again.
"Because I snapped at you yesterday, Kiku… i-it wasn't your fault if Oikawa… if…"
More tears came into her eyes and hesitantly, Kiku approached her, putting a hand on her arm.
"…Did you really become my friend because… you just wanted to get close to Oikawa-kun?" She asked in a low, sad voice.
Shinobu glanced up at her hesitantly, her eyes teary.
"Yes…" She admitted, lowering her head in shame, "I-I've been in love with Oikawa-san every since he offered me a flower, in our first-year… I never had the chance to get close to him, to get to know him or anything… we've never been in the same class, I never stood out and I'm not his type… b-but… when you started getting close to Iwaizumi – his best friend…"
Iwaizumi snorted annoyingly, rolling his eyes. It wasn't just Kiku who had been used – but both of them, their relationship, just to get close to his best friend.
"I thought that if I was friend with you, when you two would be dating, I'd get close to Oikawa-san… a-and it worked."
Not knowing what to answer because she was still hurt by the actions of her 'friend', Kiku didn't say anything. Instead, it was Iwaizumi, with a surprisingly calm tone, who spoke up:
"You say you got close to Oikawa, but if you really had, you would have known that he dislikes people who use others, trick and lie. You would know he wouldn't fall for a girl who kept up a mask all this time. He has a lot of flaws but he's honorable and honest. If you want him to fall for you, you should start acting like yourself."
Both Kiku and Shinobu looked at him, surprised by his words, his almost encouragement…
"Y-you… don't want me to stay away from your friend after that?" Shinobu asked shyly, afraid the great Ace might get as rough as his appearance led to believe.
He huffed and he turned towards Kiku, offering her his hand. He took it softly as she smiled up to him.
"…Who am I to stop people from loving? If anyone can be as happy as we are, then I can only encourage them."
He tugged at Kiku's hand and they started walking back towards the school building, until Shinobu cried out:
"K-Kiku!"
She turned around just as Shinobu caught up with her, not quite understanding what was going on between them from now on:
"D-do you… do you forgive me?" She asked shyly.
Kiku's gaze wavered and she looked down, edging closer to Hajime.
"…I can't forgive you for using me and my relationship with Hajime but… at the very least, I know that not everything was a lie… right?" She answered with a small smile.
Shinobu was too glad to answer and she wiped away the few tears that threatened to escape her eyes.
Kiku and Hajime went back towards their classroom, in quiet, comforting silence. He looked down at her when she squeezed his hand tighter.
"You… really are the only one I can trust…" She murmured.
And he could see that no matter how good and forgiving and strong she had been, she was really hurt and really scared – that everyone she knew might reject her again. His heart clenched painfully, and he had to blink to not let tears fill his eyes.
"R-right…?" She continued in a breath.
He realized it was a question, not a statement. He stopped abruptly, tugging her hand strongly enough to drive her entire, unwavering attention on him, for their eyes to look into each other:
"I'm here, I'm always here. I promised, didn't I? That I'd always be here with you. You can trust me, like I trust you. It's a promise." He said, lifting up her hand to kiss it warmly.
She smiled, shoulders lowering as she relaxed once again, reassured to have him by her side no matter what.
Later that day, after school, Shinobu was sitting on a bench, right where she had met Oikawa three years ago or so. She looked up at the cherry tree, now nude of any pretty flower.
"May I sit next to you?"
She stood up at this voice, blushing terribly.
"O-Oikawa-san!" She exclaimed, about to run away.
But his smile. His smile made her melt and her legs turned into cotton. She didn't run away, only look down in shame before letting herself sit back on the bench. He sat next to her, keeping a respectable distance. There was silence for a short moment until Tooru handed her a flower. She looked at his hand and the flower, then looked up in shock at his face, not understanding what was going on.
"To be forgiven for hurting you," he said, understanding her silent question.
Too stunned, she hesitantly took it, remembering a few years ago when he had done the same innocent deed that had thrown her heart into a frenzy song. Now… it was beating a little stronger but it wasn't as crazy and overwhelming as it had been back there. She looked back at the young man, wondering if she had ever felt anything for him, if it had withered over time, or if she had imagined it.
"I wasn't surprised when you confessed to me, because you had been giving me signs for a while, but I had hoped it could have remained as we were. And even though I rejected and hurt you, I want you to know that you're still my friend. But that's only if you realize that what you've done is wrong – you shouldn't have used Kiku-chan or Iwa-chan for getting close to me. If you had wanted that badly to come to me, you could have. So why didn't you?"
Shinobu looked down at the flower on her lap, the wind making it tremble.
"I just chose the easy way…"
He wondered for a moment if his own choice, of letting go of the Shiratorizawa girl without knowing her, was the easy way… Was it a mistake? Was it wrong? Was it cowardly of him then? He quickly erased his doubts, turning towards the girl:
"Next time you fall in love, fight for it. Okay, Shi-chan?" He said, forcing a smile on his face.
"N-next time… b-but…"
"You're not really in love with me. You only like the idea of me, not me for who I am. And if you had been in love at some point, it's not the case anymore. Am I right?" He asked hesitantly.
He smiled and, having said what needed to be said, he stood up to leave.
"O-Oikawa-san!" Shinobu called, making him turn away, "Y-you didn't tell me why… you rejected me…? Why you have been rejecting everyone since your last girlfriend. It's not because you want to focus on your studies, right?"
His eyes widened slightly, surprised she had guessed so – but at this point, practically everyone interested in him had somehow understood that something had happened to make him change his mind about dating.
"…You're right. It's only partially for my studies. I… well, let's just say I had my eyes opened on what really matters." He said quickly.
"Are you… in love with someone…? Is it… Kiku?" She asked hesitantly.
He blinked, eyes wide, lips trembling to hold back a laugh – before actually getting annoyed:
"Why does everyone always assume that?! I don't like her like that! She's… she's a friend, but more than a friend… a sister, maybe? Yes, she's the little sister I never had!"
"She's older than you, though. In every aspect."
"Geh! R-rude!"
Shinobu chuckled and it helped him relax.
"But you are in love with someone. Who is it, if I may ask?" She asked curiously.
"I… I don't actually know. I don't know her name. A-and anyway! I'm not in love! It's just– a crush, maybe?! Yeah, a crush at best! What I realized is that I shouldn't waste my time with meaningless relationship, I'm waiting to fall in love to date someone! Just like Kiku-chan and Iwa-chan did, it's admirable! I want the same!" He exclaimed, stammering and flustered.
Shinobu stared at him before smiling, accepting that he had never liked her and never would. Even if he pretended the contrary, even if it wasn't being in love, he had someone in his heart already.
"Oikawa-san, thank you." She said with a smile.
He seemed a little surprised before smiling back and waving goodbye. Shinobu remained on the bench, looking down with a smile at the flower in her hand. She didn't remain alone for long though, because someone else arrived calmly, sitting next to her.
"I never understood what everyone finds him." Yuuna said with a little shrug, "Why did you even like him?"
"Yuuna! What are you…"
Her voice trailed off and she sighed, shrugging absentmindedly, mostly to hide her embarrassment.
"H-he's, well he's… he's… Oikawa-san… you know…" She answered sadly.
Yuuna had a little, knowing smile, her gaze full of gentle pity. Shinobu then turned to her:
"And you? What do you like about Kiku?"
Yuuna startled before opening and closing her mouth.
"S-she… she's…"
She stopped breathing a short moment, the expression she had had a moment ago now mirrored on Shinobu's face. Yuuna looked up at the setting sun, thoughtful.
"I'm certain there was a time I could have answered but now… I'm not so sure anymore…"
"I suppose that love is like a gentle fire. It has to be kept alive to keep burning. Time eventually takes it out. And you've been in love with Kiku for longer than whatever I ever felt for Oikawa-san. I… I'm not one to talk but… perhaps you should let her go? It took me confessing, being rejected and realizing that I didn't feel anything to feel better…"
"Do you… really feel better?"
"…No, it still sucks. But… it could be worse… I think…"
Yuuna chuckled and Shinobu put her hand on her shoulder:
"Perhaps you should tell Kiku how you feel, and let go of your feelings. It'll be best for you both, especially you…"
She hesitated before nodding lightly, without looking convinced it'd help in any way to confess to the girl she had liked for so long…
"Here," Shinobu said, offering Yuuna the flower she had been holding.
Yuuna stared at her, stunned by her action then shyly took it.
"T-thank you…" She answered with a smile, turning red.
It took Shinobu by surprise who flushed as well. Maybe it was the setting sun, though – yeah, that was what they both liked to think.
The following days, it was very awkward for Shinobu who suddenly felt very alone. But Kiku didn't want their friendship to end, which had been more real than whatever lies Shinobu had approached her for. So at lunch, someday, she joined Shinobu and of course Iwaizumi didn't leave his girlfriend's side, and of course Oikawa joined them to eat, and so did Mattsun and Makki and it was the same as usual. And finally the most expected holiday, the Christmas holidays, arrived.
"Aaaah! We're finally having a break! All this studying for the finals is killing me!" Oikawa whined, dropping on Iwaizumi's bed while he was playing videogames with Godzilla on his laps.
"Be glad it'll stop for you after high-school," Iwaizumi mumbled.
"You could become a model too, if you learned how to smile and not frown all the time, and be amiable," Oikawa answered, rolling on his side with a mocking side.
Not amused by the proposition, Iwaizumi turned to him, frowning down at his friend. Oikawa's lips trembled in amusement:
"Or if you were taller," he added with a wink.
Iwaizumi grabbed a random jacket resting next to him and threw it at his friend's face, Oikawa gasping but his laugh muffled.
"I'll have you know that I grew past 180cm! I'm 180,2cm now!" Iwaizumi exclaimed, being very proud of finally reaching the 180s.
"You grew up a little late, we're not playing on the team anymore – too bad that you reached your most desired height after we retired. You were being teased all the time for being the shortest of us all."
"And who was teasing me the most, uh?" Iwaizumi grumbled, glaring at the one who was the most teasing.
"You still need a few more centimeters to reach my height!"
Not having any more weapon under his hand, Iwaizumi reached to push him off, Oikawa dramatically rolling on his back. He started staring at the ceiling, half wondering what his alien lady was up to for the holidays… He quickly tried to ignore the longing he felt, turning towards his friend who had put down his game to take care of Godzilla, the poor bearded-dragon having been shaken up by the friends' shenanigan.
"I wonder what Kiku-chan is doing, especially now that it's so weird with Shi-chan. I'm surprised you and Kiku-chan aren't glued together, considering you won't spend Christmas together."
"She's spending the day with Yuuna, doing the last Christmas shopping." Iwaizumi answered.
"Mmmm…"
In the same time, in Sendai…
Going through the Christmas Market, Yuuna and Kiku admired all the happiness shining in all the families and people of the crowd. The Christmas lights were sparkling but nothing was brighter than Kiku's smile. Yuuna couldn't stop staring, but she felt different from usual – there wasn't the same warmth in her chest whenever she looked as Kiku, like she used to. Ever since Kiku has been dating Hajime, Yuuna had slowly tried letting go of her feelings and even if it hurt… she had to admit that what she felt now was friendship and more, but nothing like the love she had once cherished.
"The Christmas tree is so beautiful this year! We went here with Hajime the other day, it was so beautiful and romantic~!" Kiku exclaimed when they stopped to watch the Christmas tree for a moment.
"A-ah… r-really?" Yuuna asked, flushing a little and glancing away.
"By the way… you still haven't told me anything about this person you like. I know he broke your heart but you can tell me, you know? I-I'm your friend and I don't want you to think you can't talk to me…" Kiku continued, finally talking about the topic she had wished to talk about since it had been mentioned.
Yuuna startled, her cheeks reddening, suddenly at a loss at what she should say. She had expected Kiku to mention it, but with the day going by and no word coming from her friend, she had hoped… she had hoped Kiku had forgotten all about it.
"It… it's in the past…" Yuuna breathed, looking down, "T-this person… didn't break my heart on purpose and this person is happy so… I'm happy too…" She explained, being as vague as possible.
"But… you didn't tell me anything… I am aware that for a long time you didn't open up much to me because you were scared that it would be too much for me to handle with… you know, everything I had to deal with… But you were always here for me and I don't want you to think that I'm not here for you as well – though… I might say that a little too late…" Kiku said, looking with a sad smile at the ground.
She looked up at her best friend, unshed tears in her eyes that made them shine even brighter than usual, as beautiful as a kaleidoscope with all the Christmas lights sparkling around them.
"You're my best friend after all, Yuuna!" She exclaimed with a bright smile.
"N-not even Hajime…?" She asked in a low, trembling voice.
"Hajime and I… it's different! He's been here for me, he's always here for me, but he wasn't here when I felt like my life wasn't worth it. He hasn't seen all the dark parts of me yet… and I hope he never will. But you did and you stayed by my side, it makes you someone just as precious as he is for me!" Kiku explained.
Yuuna's eyes filled with grateful tears, not realizing how much she had needed these words – to know that she was important, precious for Kiku, as much as she was for her…
"K-Kiku…" She whispered in a broken voice.
Perhaps the words that had warmed her heart were dizzying her too much, perhaps the magic of the Christmas lights was blinding her… but Yuuna reached out to take Kiku's hand in hers, their skins separated with their gloves.
"It's you… it's always been you…" Yuuna whispered.
Kiku blinked, not understanding what she meant with such an emotional voice:
"Yuuna?"
Yuuna realized what she was saying but it was too late – despite the frenetic, slightly panicked beatings of her heart, she needed to say it. At least once. To let her go once and for all.
"Y-you're the one I like… I've been in love with you for so long…" Yuuna said.
Kiku's heart sped up, her cheeks turning red but she immediately looked away, not believing these words.
"W-what are you… y-you're… you've always… been here for me… you supported me through everything…"
"Why else would I do that if not out of love?" Yuuna said, holding with both of her hands Kiku's, forcing her to look up, "I-I know I'm not the guy you like, I'm not Hajime and you like him b-but… I can't help but hope… you said it yourself! I've seen all the dark parts of you, I understand you in ways he never will – we're… we could– we should be together, Kiku! I… I'm in love with you!" She exclaimed, cheeks red and happy tears rolling down her cheeks.
Kiku stared at her, blushing furiously and not sure how to feel about the sudden, unexpected revelation – the words she never thought she'd hear from her best friend… but it would explain why Yuuna had always put her before anything, supporting her through anything… even supporting her in her love for Hajime…
Yuuna observed closely Kiku's face, seeing all the conflicting emotions going through her head. When Kiku looked up, eyes still glossy with tears, Yuuna couldn't control herself. She leaned down, pressing her lips against Kiku's. Kiku's eyes widened and she gasped but it wasn't enough to stop Yuuna who kept kissing her. Frozen in shock, Kiku didn't react until a few seconds later when she stepped away and pulled away her hands from Yuuna's, blushing even more and looking down.
Yuuna stared at her, lips open in shock – from the reaction and also at the realization of what she had done…
A long, heavy silence fell on them.
"I… I-I had never… realized… I-I'm sorry… I hurt you all this time…" Kiku murmured, staring at the ground.
"N-no, I…"
Yuuna shook her head then turned away.
"I'm sorry!" She cried out, suddenly running away.
"Y-Yuuna, wait!"
Kiku watched her best friend run off, whose heart she had involuntarily broken, over and over again for years and just here once more… Hands trembling, she raised her fingers to her lips, blushing and filling tears in her eyes. She remained still in the middle of the crowd, happy for Christmas. She wasn't looking at the Christmas tree and the Christmas lights as cheerfully as a moment ago…
Later that night…
Hajime was surprised when he heard ringing at the door. They weren't expecting anyone today and Oikawa was gone – he hadn't forgotten anything and he wouldn't bother ringing anyway… He went to open the door and blinked when he saw Kiku.
"Kiku! What are you…"
His voice trailed off when she looked up at him sadly.
"Kiku, what happened?"
"…Did you know that Yuuna was… that she was in love with me?" She asked.
Hajime's shoulders dropped and he looked down, not knowing how to answer to that. Kiku sighed, having expected such a thing.
"You did know… why didn't you tell me anything?" She asked, looking up with pleading eyes.
He opened and closed his lips before sighing:
"It wasn't my job to say anything about her feelings…"
"Y-you're right but… I-I had no idea that she…"
"If it can be of any comfort, it took Yuuna confronting me about not letting you be with me or something along those lines to understand that she liked you…" Hajime answered, pouting a little.
"You didn't listen to her."
"If I had listened to her and given up so easily on you, it would have been the proof I truly didn't deserve you." He said with a firm voice that made her look up at him, "So… I suppose… she confessed?"
Kiku flushed, nodding awkwardly. He wasn't sure what to do or say in this situation – he wasn't good with love and relationship stuff to begin with, Kiku being the only exception, but when it was his girlfriend's best friend who turned out being in love with her… Gods, he was at a loss. It was as if Oikawa ended up having romantic feelings for him – Hajime shivered just thinking of it. But seeing Kiku so confused and hurt – not to be liked by a girl, but because she had involuntarily hurt her best friend, was breaking his heart.
Hajime let go of the door and opened his arms, Kiku stared at him very quickly before diving into his arms, burying her face in his chest. She held onto him tightly while he wrapped his arms around her for comfort and warmth, kissing the top of her head.
"It's gonna be okay… Yuuna never gave up on you, you won't lose her…" He murmured, knowing that she was scared of this scenario.
He took her into his bedroom for more privacy, caressing her back as she explained what had happened and comforting her until she felt better – she only avoided talking about the kiss, which she still wasn't sure what to think of. Laying on the bed, she was pressed against him as she said everything, his fingers never stopping to caress her shoulder or hair.
"…Rejecting people sucks…" She concluded, burying her face in his chest.
He pouted, remembering all the times he had to turn down some girls' confessions. He couldn't even begin to imagine how awkward it must be if it came from the same sex – or from a best friend.
"I'm sure she didn't expect anything from you, not seriously, she was taken into the heat of the moment. She's probably regretting it all right now…"
"Would she? She finally… said how she felt after so many years… gods… I can't believe I hadn't figured it out earlier… all the times I talked about you… all the times it must have hurt her so badly… but she always smiled and encouraged me…"
He kissed her forehead, turning on his side to face her:
"Have you tried contacting her yet?" He asked gently.
She shook her head no, not daring to meet his eyes.
"Do you feel ready to talk to her?" He continued.
"If she calls me, I'd answer but… I'm still too confused to contact her myself."
"Then, wait to be ready if she doesn't contact you until then. If you want me with you when you'll talk… I don't mind. And if you need to talk about it, I'm here. Okay, cupcake?"
She nodded, a smile tugging at her lips. He kissed her forehead again, before looking right into her eyes, very seriously:
"Let me ask you something, though. You don't… it didn't change anything between us, right?"
She blinked, staring into his beautiful green eyes, filled with… worry… She couldn't help but chuckle in amusement.
"Are you jealous?" She asked in astonishment, raising on her elbow to look down at him.
"I wouldn't call it 'jealousy'," he mumbled, rolling his eyes.
"You are jealous!" She exclaimed, laughing at the ridiculousness of it.
He huffed, mumbling to himself incoherent words. Her laugh quickly turned off his mumbling because she leaned down once again, her fingers brushing his cheek and her eyes diving into his.
"You don't have to worry, my darling. She's not you. No one is… I could never fall for someone else but you…" She whispered.
He sighed, his breath hitting her face as relief helped him relax. She smiled, leaning down to kiss him tenderly. He kissed her back, his hand against her cheek, and fingers into her hair.
Once ready to confront Yuuna about what had happened, Kiku tried contacting her but she wouldn't answer, she gave her all the time she might need, knowing from Shinobu that she was okay. Shinobu was the bridge between the two, making sure to check on Yuuna for Kiku's reassurance. Then Christmas arrived and for a few days, away with their respective families, they were all distracted.
It was just before New Year that Kiku received a message from Yuuna, asking her to meet, like every year, in front of the shrine where they usually went praying. She told Hajime who decided to go – they had planned to go to the shrine together anyway. Hearing about their plans, Oikawa obviously decided to tag along (he had heard the whole story from Iwa-chan, and he had told Makki and Mattsun obviously). Yuuna was already here when they arrived, and she didn't seem surprised to see the two young men.
"We'll wait just a little further away, okay?" Hajime said, squeezing Kiku's hand and giving the girls some intimacy – but he kept a close eye on Yuuna's behaviour.
Kiku turned towards Yuuna, smiling, even though it felt a little strange:
"You could have sent me a message to tell me how you felt. I was worried." She said, in a scolding tone.
"Shinobu gave you updates, didn't she?" Yuuna answered, pouting guiltily.
"Thank goodness, she did!"
They exchanged a smile and there was a short moment of silence until Kiku spoke up again:
"How do you feel now?"
Yuuna looked around, noticing Hajime's wary eyes but she smiled when she looked back at Kiku:
"It was difficult at first because I thought you'd hate me or that you'd stop wanting to see me, being, y'know… in love with you… but… and it was something I had started realizing for a while now, but I'm certain I had fallen out of love before confessing."
"Oh…"
"Christmas, the magic of the moment, the things you said… I-I just had to say it, y'know? And Shinobu had advised me to confess to let you go and then, I had plenty of time to think and…"
She hesitated on what to say next but she smiled anyway:
"I've come to terms about being attracted to girls for a long time, and being in love with you was more happiness than hardship – you are so pure and happy about being alive, despite the darkness, you shine so brightly it's impossible not to rejoice to be by your side, regardless of the relationship. Now, I feel much better. I'm not saying I'm not attracted to you anymore, you'll always be my first love and it's special, and if your boyfriend ever breaks your heart, I'm here to make you fall in love with me this time. But… I'll be okay, Kiku. As long as we can… remain friends…?"
Kiku stared at Yuuna for a moment, then smiled brightly:
"Of course we remain friends!" She exclaimed, going to hug her best friend.
Yuuna smiled in relief. Hajime sighed to himself, glad to know nothing would change between them, despite the confession from Yuuna.
"Come on, let's go to the shrine!" Kiku exclaimed, dragging Yuuna towards the boys.
She quickly wrapped her arms around Hajime's, the couple and their best friends alongside to pray for the New Year. Suddenly smirking, Yuuna turned towards Kiku:
"There is just one thing I need to ask you, Kiku."
"Mmm?"
"Between me and your boyfriend, which one kisses better?"
Kiku stopped, gasping and blushing while Hajime huffed, frowning at Yuuna:
"It's obvious that– wait… WAIT! Did you–? Did she?! She kissed you?! You kissed her?! You kissed my girlfriend?!"
"It seemed right at the moment." Yuuna answered with a shrug and smirk.
"How could you– Kiku! Why didn't you tell me?!" He hissed, turning towards her, blushing at the memory.
"It… didn't seem relevant at the moment."
"It didn't seem rele– of course it's fucking relevant! She kissed you!"
"Iwa-chan, looks like you're in for some hardship~!" Oikawa hummed in between laughs.
"Stop laughing, it's not funny!" Iwaizumi shouted at him before whipping towards Yuuna who didn't stop grinning, "You! You'd better not try something like that again!"
"Unless she asks for more."
Iwaizumi gasped, almost choking, while Kiku hid her face behind her hands and Oikawa almost fell on the ground from laughing too much.
"She's my girlfriend!"
"She's my best friend."
They faced each other, growling or smirking depending on the person. Oikawa slid next to Kiku, putting his hands on her shoulders to whisper in her ear:
"From now on, they'll openly fight for you~!"
She turned to him, panicked at the idea this might keep going – and unfortunately, it didn't seem like it would change anytime soon.
Of course, Oikawa, and Makki and Mattsun were the ones to enjoy the most the stories and anecdotes that came out of this.
Everything seemed back to normal until someday at practice, after the Spring-High that Seijou had watched from Miyagi, the third-years having come exceptionally to the volleyball practice for a practice match against the new team, an unexpected event radically changed Kiku and Hajime's lives.
The entire team, former members and current members together, like good old times, were putting away everything after their intense practice match, the night already fallen outside.
"Make sure to stretch correctly!" Mizoguchi reminded them.
"Ooooss!"
Kiku and he put some stray volley balls into the carts, the former manager smiling at the familiar atmosphere.
"It's so much more erratic without you… It was much easier when you were there – they listened to you, you know." He complained, feeling like his work was so much more exhausting.
"I talked to Makki's little sister who will enter Aoba Jousai next year, she is willing to be the next manager. It should make things easier for you all." Kiku answered with a smile.
"Unless she's like her brother."
"She's actually worse."
"Why would you want her to become the manager then?"
She chuckled, knowing the coach was just pretending to be annoyed.
"Um…"
Everyone in the gymnasium turned around curiously, seeing some unknown man at the entrance of their gymnasium. He wasn't part of the high-school's staff and was wearing casual clothes. He didn't stand out in any way. He looked around the gymnasium, looking at everyone, lost and a little awkward.
"Can I help you?" Irihata asked, approaching the man.
"Um, yes. I was told that Akiyama Kiku would be here?" He asked.
Everyone seemed even more confused, especially Irihata and Hajime, the latter glancing at his girlfriend. Kiku came out from behind Mizoguchi, approaching the man and her uncle.
"It's me. Can I do anything for you?" She asked, a little shyly.
The man stared at her with an uncomfortably firm gaze, his mouth falling open. He stared for so long that Kiku flushed and felt awkward, glancing quickly at Hajime who started approaching, eying suspiciously the man.
"You… look just like her…" The man murmured, something close to awe in his voice.
Kiku felt her heart speed up, panic filling her veins. She stared back at the man whose dark eyes didn't stop staring at her. Afraid to ask the question but unable to bear the continuing silence, she spoke up again:
"Do I… know you?" She asked in a low, trembling voice.
He seemed hesitant, opening and closing his lips. Then he reached for his hat, taking it off to introduce himself.
"I'm your father."
Kiku opened and closed her lips, eyes wide, staring into the man's dark eyes. She didn't see anything that might have felt familiar. Her heart was beating wildly and her mind was in turmoil. She was aware of sounds all around her but it was smothered and she couldn't understand anything, it was all just dizzying.
A hand on her shoulder startled her and she looked up, seeing Hajime looking down at her worriedly. It brought her back on earth and she realized that the whole team was now whispering curiously, staring at the man and not understanding what was going on. Irihata approached the man and dragged him outside the gymnasium to talk away from the teenagers.
"You're okay?" Hajime asked her softly, his hand brushing the length of her arm until their hands touched.
Her fingers trembled against his and even if they usually avoided being too touchy-feely in public, especially in the gymnasium, she couldn't help but grasp at his hand. He squeezed back for comfort and she let out a heavy sigh.
"I-I'm not sure…" She answered.
Hajime stared at her then glanced over his shoulder at Oikawa, silently asking him to handle the team. He wanted to take his girlfriend away from here, but they wouldn't be able to avoid meeting the man who was most probably in the hallway with Irihata. Perhaps if they waited or–
Before he could find a solution, Kiku started advancing towards the hall right where the man pretending to be her father and Irihata were – her steps were hurried but confused, as if she was as impatient as she was scared to get to her destination. He followed her closely and Mizoguchi shouted orders to the team that erupted in loud voices.
Kiku stopped at the gymnasium's entrance, staring from afar at the two men discussing. Irihata was listening with furrowed eyebrows the explanations from the man but she had barely stepped there that he looked up and saw her. The man pretending to be her father took a step towards Kiku but Irihata grabbed his shoulder, stopping him:
"Hold on, you can't just appear like that and talk to her without her consent. Like I said, I'm her uncle and–"
"Adoptive uncle," the man corrected calmly, "I'm her biological father, I have the right to talk to her."
Irihata was so shocked by the man's words that it took him a moment to find an answer – the right amount of time for the man to walk closer to Kiku who, not quite knowing what to do, approached as well (mostly to get away from the team).
"I have looked for you for so long! How you've grown!" He exclaimed, looking her up and down.
His gaze landed on Iwaizumi and he hesitated before addressing him:
"And you are?" He asked, sounding kinder than Iwaizumi would have expected him to.
"I'm her boyfriend." He answered, putting a protective hand on Kiku's shoulder.
"Oh…"
There was a moment of awkward silence until the man looked back at Kiku who kept staring at him warily:
"Can we talk, please?"
"Whatever you have to tell her now, you can say so with me and coach Irihata here." Iwaizumi said in a strong voice.
"It's not your choice to make, boy, but hers." He said, nodding towards Kiku.
She startled when all three men turned to her, she hesitated before reaching and grabbing Hajime's shirt, silently asking him to stay with her. He turned a triumphant look towards the man who kept his lips thin but nodded respectfully. He turned completely towards Kiku:
"My name is Hashimoto Noburu. I-I have been looking for you for many years now… I can't quite believe I finally meet you… Your mother… her name was Mizushima Mei and– here, I brought a picture."
He ruffled through his wallet and showed an old picture, damaged in the corners, of a younger version of himself with a laughing woman. Kiku blinked while Hajime's eyes widened – she looked so much like Kiku that it was impossible to not think they were related. More than mother and daughter, they could be sisters… The same auburn hair, the same blue eye, the same features. The only difference was that Kiku was much curvier than Mizushima Mei. On the picture, the couple – Mizushima Mei and Hashimoto Noburu – must have been around the age of Kiku and Hajime, just high-school.
"She… would have wanted meeting you, I know it. She didn't spend a day not thinking of you." He added, a little melancholic as he watched the picture.
"You're talking in the past?" Irihata asked, raising an eyebrow.
Hashimoto hesitated before lowering his head:
"Car accident, thirteen years ago, just five years after your birth." He answered.
Hajime glanced back at Kiku – the dates fit with Kiku's estimated birth. She was a year older than the rest of the third-years. The picture, the dates, he couldn't be lying… right? But then… why?
Without a word, Kiku gave back the picture, still not quite believing what was happening right now. There was a long silence, no one speaking up anymore, which proved that nothing could be said. Finally, Kiku opened her lips but then, the team started emerging from the gymnasium, walking into the hall to go home after practice. They curiously glanced at the group of people before hurrying away, not daring to speak up while Kiku and their former Ace were around. Oikawa and Yahaba made sure to shoo away the few ones who were too curious and soon enough, Kiku, Hajime, Irihata and Hashimoto were all alone once again.
"I… I don't understand…" Kiku finally murmured, looking up at the man calling himself her father.
He seemed confused before she cleared up:
"Why are you here?"
She sounded strange, unlike herself – bitter and sharp. Hajime squeezed her shoulder, but she didn't seem to notice, too lost in her own sad confusion.
"I told you– I wanted to meet you and I looked for you for years now and–"
"I heard the first time you said that, but why are you here now? Why did you want to meet me at all when you… gave me up at birth?" She continued, her voice now turning hurt.
Hashimoto Noburu kept his lips thin, remaining silent for a while.
Kiku stared at him, expecting an answer, a reaction, anything, but he remained as dark and silent as she had imagined he would be. It wasn't that she had always wanted to meet her biological parents, but like every adopted or abandoned child she had questions. Who were they? Where did she come from? Why did they abandon her? Over the years she had thought of many possibilities, but since she had been adopted by the Akiyama, she didn't ask herself these questions anymore – she had her family, there was no reason looking back and hoping for anything. She was just curious, she didn't think she'd care or feel anything regardless of the answers, but she needed them to understand her own existence. If they didn't want of her, why have her at all? Why be so cruel and abandon her in the middle of garbage bins to die? What was the point of her life if she was never wanted by her parents?
When he didn't say anything, she shook her head to chase the tears away, turning around to leave.
"It's a long story." Noburu finally said to keep her from leaving.
Kiku froze, hesitating and Iwaizumi placed himself between her and her biological father:
"Make it short then." He said, crossing his arms over his chest and looking down at the man.
"Iwaizumi, stay calm." Irihata warned.
Noburu stared at the teenager, a little challengingly, but decided to not cause a scene and sighed.
"Mei and I were in high-school together and it's not difficult for you to understand what happened – we fell in love and we became a couple. But both of our families were very traditional and restrictive, so we had to keep our relationship a secret."
Kiku turned around, still hiding behind Hajime, while the man continued:
"It was a time of social revolution all across the world and we were young, in love and foolish. I am sure you understand, being… young yourselves. You two seem very close so… I suppose you must have been together for a while, right?" He continued, pointing at the couple.
They glanced at each other, hesitating before nodding to answer his question.
"Mei got pregnant – we were both responsible, of course, but we found out too late and we got scared. I was ready to marry her to not bring shame to her name, but her family disowned her when they found out about her pregnancy. My family didn't wait long to do the same. We were two teenagers, alone, about to be parents, with nowhere to go and no perspective for the future…"
He shook lightly his head as if he couldn't believe how foolish they had been.
"I met a man, a distant relative from my family, who was willing to help us. He would offer us a house and for me, a job, all the while preserving our good names, which was everything we needed but at the condition that Mei's pregnancy was never known."
Kiku didn't say anything but she held Hajime's hand, discreetly enough that neither Hashimoto nor Irihata noticed. The couple knew what was coming next, but the words still hurt Kiku more than she would have expected.
"With this condition, which was our only hope for a future, we had to give you up. Mei spent the rest of her pregnancy hidden away, the birth happened in secret as well – I remember, it was on April 21st – and we made sure no one would find out the truth about you."
Kiku let out a shaky breath – because she had been found in the street, there was no way to know her exact birth – somewhere around mid and end of April and she had decided to just settle for May 1st to make things easier. She had a date of birth. April 21st. She had to fight to not start crying.
"Why… a dumpster? Why not just give me off to the adoption services? Why did you leave me to die?" She hissed, her burning, crying eyes staring at the man whose stupidity had ruined her life.
"Even if we remain anonymous, it's possible to track back to the biological parents, we couldn't afford it. But we made sure you would be well taken care of – I left you near the closest hospital."
He smiled, as if it made things any better.
Hajime let his lips fall open, suddenly struck by murderous intent but the overall shock was too strong.
She hadn't thought she'd feel much hurt or sadness upon knowing the truth, at worst, a sting. But it was like a sword piercing her heart.
"You think it makes things any better…?" Hajime started, voice low and dangerous, "You left your daughter to die, giving her up to the cold and animals! She barely survived! Because of your own stupidity!" He exclaimed.
"We were young and disowned, we had no other way! If your girlfriend were to get pregnant, don't pretend you would have done anything else!" He replied, pointing at the couple, Kiku still frozen and her gaze lost.
Hajime stepped back, as if the insult had physically hurt him.
"No, I wouldn't! I wouldn't leave Kiku alone, I wouldn't abandon my child! If we're stupid enough for that to happen, we'll face the consequences and not take the easy way!" He exclaimed, glancing quickly at Kiku who had woken up from her numbness with his words, "I… I can't talk for you, Kiku, but I… I know with your experience what it does to a child to be abandoned and… I would never do that. To you and the child."
She stared at him, stunned but happy by his words even though… the relief didn't quite reach her eyes. The story told by her biological father was still too fresh and hurtful.
Irihata, glad but not surprised that Iwaizumi would take his responsibilities in this possibility (which he prayed wouldn't happen), opened his lips to speak up but once again, he was ignored by Hashimoto:
"Please! You're only saying that because you're not faced with such a situation! If you ever get the same problem as Mei and I did, you'd make the same choice!"
"Problem? That's what you're looking for then? To find your problematic child after all these years?" Hajime concluded, seething at the term of 'problem' the man had used.
He felt Kiku's hand tremble, he felt guilty for not giving up the topic. She was about to turn away but Hashimoto's voice stopped her:
"I want to fix my mistakes." He said, looking right into Hajime's gaze but he wasn't convinced.
"Too late. Your mistake was to abandon your child to die – you left her to die and left her to a life of misery and self-hatred! She'll have to live the rest of her life with these scars you brought upon her! Just because you couldn't keep your hands off your girlfriend!" He continued, taking a step forward.
"Iwaizumi, calm down," Irihata said, standing in between the two before a fight started.
The Ace was tempted to scream that he was calm, but the respect he held for the coach and uncle of his girlfriend kept him from doing so. He just clenched his jaw and fists. And that was when he realized that he didn't have Kiku's hand in his anymore. He turned around, but she had stepped away, letting her hand drop away from his.
"Kiku? A-are you okay?" He asked, immediately going to her.
Her gaze was lost, in her past sadness and all the bad memories surging forth. Hajime tried to hug her for reassurance, but she pulled away and turned around, leaving him stunned.
"I… I've heard enough…" She breathed.
Hajime glanced quickly at Irihata who nodded but Kiku was already walking away, in a hurried pace but with clumsy steps.
"Kiku, wait! I'll walk you home!" He exclaimed, going after her.
Irihata turned towards Hashimoto, staring at him for a long moment, until the man had no choice but to face him.
"…I don't get why you would come back in her life so suddenly. But you're not welcome. Leave her alone, she finally found peace, she doesn't need you to come and ruin it all." He said in a hard voice, turning around to close the gymnasium and check on Kiku as soon as possible – but he trusted Iwaizumi to watch over her.
Hashimoto glanced at Irihata then lowered his head and left the gymnasium and high-school grounds, the night already fallen.
Oikawa and Hanamaki were the only ones left, having taken Iwaizumi and Kiku's bags and waiting for them. To give the bags back and obviously, for moral support for both and especially the young girl. Kiku suddenly arrived, walking quickly but keeping her head down. Hajime was almost running after all and even if they couldn't see Kiku's expression, the Ace was distressed enough to prove that things had turned out as they had feared: Kiku's wounds reopened by her biological father showing up out of nowhere. Oikawa and Hanamaki glanced at each other just as they arrived near them.
"Here's your bag," Makki told the girl.
She startled, as if she hadn't noticed them here and quickly grabbed the bag, her lips moving to thank him but no sound escaping her throat. She walked the few meters separating her from her bicycle and started frenetically taking off the lock.
"What happened? Is he really her father?" Oikawa asked in a hushed voice to Iwaizumi.
He nodded darkly, taking his own bag from his friend's hands.
"I can't believe he suddenly showed up… but there's practically no doubt that he's telling the truth…" He mumbled.
"How are you?" Oikawa asked worriedly his friend.
"…This answer will depend on how Kiku feels… she's… she's not okay right now…" He said, keeping his gaze down.
The sound of her bicycle made them look up and they saw Kiku already climbing on her bicycle and taking off.
"Wait! Kiku! I'll walk you home!" Hajime exclaimed.
"I'll go with you, it's the same way for me anyway," Makki said with a shrug.
"I'm going too–" Oikawa said.
"Kiku! Slow down!" Iwaizumi exclaimed, starting to hurry after Kiku.
She didn't seem to hear them – or listen. He could understand that she wanted to get away but she was cycling too fast, he couldn't keep up and there was no way he'd leave her alone now.
"Damn it…!" He swore, starting to run after her.
"W-wait! Iwa-chan!"
Oikawa and Hanamaki glanced at each other before starting running too, but slower – they weren't quite as desperate as their friend to catch up to Kiku.
Kiku was in a daze, not realizing how fast her legs were cycling. She was out of breath within seconds and she realized that it wasn't caused by the physical effort – she couldn't breathe because she was panicking. The tears that had filled her eyes were stinging and burning, everything was blurry but she didn't care, continuing forward desperately.
Her bicycle's wheel fell into a hole on the road and her bicycle stopped abruptly, almost flying off. She almost fell forward too, if the handles hadn't stopped her from losing her balance. Now standing on her feet and brought back on earth from the violent shock, she tried taking a deep breath, but a sob escaped her throat instead. Dropping her bicycle, she didn't realize she was in the middle of the road when she started sobbing and crying, her hands wiping away the endless tears.
All this pain she had to go through and for what? Because her biological parents weren't careful in high-school and had families who disowned them.
She was abandoned in the street, in the middle of garbage bins, barely making it out alive, she went through all the worst parts of the adoption system and will leave the rest of her life covered in scars – literally and metaphorically. For what? Because her biological parents hadn't been careful, because they were terrible, selfish beings who put their own well-being before their child's…!
She was finally happy and at peace with herself and her life – why would this man come back now to ruin it all?
"KIKU!"
Hearing Hajime's voice, and mostly the panicked tone of his voice, she looked up but froze, blinded by the lights of a truck coming right her way. She stopped breathing, her entire vision turning white.
Suggestion: reread the last quote at the beginning of the chapter.
I hope you liked it! Very soon there will be Aliens, Oikawa's story posted, and the conclusion of this story!
NEXT CHAPTER: PROMISES
Yours Truly,
May