It took me a while to finish writing this chapter and the epilogue, partly ebcause I was busy and mostly becasue it was difficult to end this story... But here it is, the epilogue will arrive in a few hours! :D
Thank you to everyone who followed, favorited and reviewed! :D
AnimeViolinist001 : Hopefully you'll scream again, though it's a calm ending! ;)
Aquafin : Happy birthday, a litlte late! :D
mikohoshina : A fluffy ending? Mmmm... I'll let you be the judge of that! ;)
FANFICTION
HAIKYUU! : QUIET VOICE
CHAPTER LVIII : Promise
"I'm here. I wouldn't go away. I'm always here."
— Ernest Hemingway
"Never apologize for how you feel. No one can control how they feel. The sun doesn't apologize for being the sun. The rain doesn't say sorry for falling. Feelings just are."
— Iain S. Thomas
"Actually that's my secret — I can't even talk about you to anybody because I don't want any more people to know how wonderful you are."
— F. Scott Fitzgerald, Tender is the Night
"If we are the same person before and after we love, that means we haven't loved enough."
— Elif Shafak, The Forty Rules of Love
"I'm here. I love you. I don't care if you need to stay up crying all night long, I will stay with you. If you need the medication again, go ahead and take it—I will love you through that, as well. If you don't need the medication, I will love you, too. There's nothing you can ever do to lose my love. I will protect you until you die, and after your death I will still protect you. I am stronger than Depression and I am braver than Loneliness and nothing will ever exhaust me."
― Elizabeth Gilbert, Eat, Pray, Love
"Silence is also conversation."
— Ramana Maharshi
"The sweetest of all sounds is that of the voice of the woman we love."
— Jean de la Bruyère
"The way to love someone is to lightly run your finger over that person's soul until you find a crack, and then gently pour your love into that crack."
— Keith Miller
"Depression can take away your self-confidence, but it doesn't take away your kindness. Some of the greatest people I've ever met, struggle with depression; and every one of them would give you the shirt right off their back."
— William Chapman
"The dark does not destroy the light; it defines it."
— Brené Brown
"If I ever saw a glimmer of sadness in her eyes,
I'd die a hundred times inside."
— Puran Chand, The Side Effects of Love
"Crying does not indicate that you are weak. Since birth, it has always been a sign that you are alive."
— Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
"The scar meant that I was stronger than what had tried to hurt me."
— Jeannette Walls
"That's what people do who love you. They put their arms around you and love you when you're not so lovable."
— Deb Caletti, The Fortunes of Indigo Skye
"She had a kind heart, though that is not of much use when it comes to the matter of self-preservation."
— Penelope Fitzgerald, The Bookshop
"Nobody, nobody was tender and trusting as she was. But people like you abused her, and forced her to change."
— Tennessee Williams, A Streetcar Named Desire
"The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget."
— Thomas Szasz
"Apology accepted. Trust denied."
— Anonymous
"The past can't be changed, can it? But it can be forgiven…"
— Elizabeth George
"And if you are someone who still carries hope in your heart, kindness in your eyes and generosity in your fingertips despite terrible people happening to you, thank you. You are one of the few truly pure things left in this world, and you deserve to be protected."
— Nikita Gill
"He is half my soul, as the poets say."
— Madeline Miller, The Song of Achilles
"When I asked her where she'd rather be than in my arm, she put her hand on my chest and said 'in here' and since then I swear my heart feels full of her love."
— Maram Rimawi
"A successful [relationship] requires falling in love multiples times, but always with the same person."
— Mignon McLaughlin
"You are what happiness means to me. And I would rather have today with you than forever with anyone else."
— Michelle Hodkin, The Retribution of Mara Dyer
"Wasn't that the definition of home? Not where you are from, but where you are wanted."
— Abraham Verghese
"Immature love says: 'I love you because I need you.' Mature love say: 'I need you because I love you."
— Erich Fromm, The Art of Loving
"They're promise rings," he whispered. Picking up the woman's, he lifted my right hand. Sliding it on my finger, he softly said, "You wear one," he slipped the man's on the ring finger of his right hand, "and I wear one."
― S.C. Stephens
"It was the kind of kiss I could never tell my friends about out loud. It was the kind of kiss that made me know I was never so happy in my whole life."
— Stephen Chbosky
Hajime had seen Kiku suddenly stopping and breaking down in the middle of the road, he was about to accelerate to join her when he heard some vehicle driving. He looked over his shoulder and saw a truck driving right towards Kiku – the driver wasn't slowing down, he wasn't warning her, was he blind?! Hajime looked back at Kiku who was too lost in her sobbing to realize what was going to happen.
No… No! NO! He thought, his feet suddenly accelerating.
"Kiku!" He called, but she didn't hear him.
He ran faster and faster, faster than ever while behind, Oikawa and Hanamaki who had understood what was going on as well, accelerated and screamed their names as well.
"IWA-CHAN!"
"IWAIZUMI!"
"KIKU!" Hajime shouted, running desperately in the middle of the road and right towards Kiku.
He jumped towards her frozen figure just as the truck arrived–
Oikawa and Hanamaki abruptly stopped when their friends disappeared from their vision, the truck driving by. They heard a terrifying cracking, crunching sound and held their breath, eyes wide in terror.
Their friends' bodies were on the floor, unmoving. A long silence followed, neither daring to move and get closer to see what might have happened. They were shaking in fear. It couldn't be happening– it couldn't have happened! Right? It was a joke, an illusion, it was–
Hajime's body moved a little and it was what broke them from their shock.
"I-Iwaizumi!" Oikawa exclaimed, running in the middle of the road to check on his best friend.
"Kiku! Iwaizumi, you idiots!" Hanamaki shouted, following Oikawa.
Oikawa fell on his knees next to Iwaizumi who sat up and looked down at Kiku who was moving a little as well. Both were covered in scratches but… they were safe and sound. When Hajime had jumped against Kiku, he had pushed both of their bodies out of the way, falling onto the ground and rolling away. The shock had been violent and had shaken them, but it was less violent than a truck.
"Iwa-chan! You idiot! What were you thinking?! Going after her like that! Are you mad?!" Oikawa shouted, tears in his eyes to have seen his friend almost die.
But Iwaizumi didn't listen to him – he didn't care about what he just did, no matter how reckless. He only cared about Kiku. He hadn't thought about what he had done – he had just acted on instinct.
"Kiku! Are you okay?! Kiku!" He exclaimed, helping her up but grabbing her shoulders tightly, to make sure she was here and she was all right.
He looked her up and down but except scratches on the right side of her body, she was fine. As fine as she could be at the moment, at least. She was shaking like a leaf, pale, silent tears streaming down her face from the shock of everything that had just happened. She didn't dare meet his eyes but seeing her so shaken up, Hajime's eyes filled with tears. Mostly out of relief and fear from what had happened – seeing her so close to death, risking his own life. He could still feel the truck driving past his back and brushing him. He was shaking too.
Everyone being physically fine, Hanamaki sighed in relief, loudly, and everyone took a moment to just breath and shake. Oikawa dropped on his behind, just watching his stupid friends who had acted so stupidly.
"W-what were you thinking?!" Hajime suddenly shouted, shaking Kiku's shoulders.
She tensed under his hands, looking up into his eyes, seeing the tears and the fright. She stared at him, unable to do or say anything. His hands were so tight that she could feel bruises forming on her shoulders but she didn't care. Her heart was beating quickly – from the fear and shock, and out of guilt for making him feel this way. He didn't stop shaking her as he shrieked, panic making his voice tremble:
"Why did you go off like that without looking where you were going?! Why did you go so fast?! Why didn't you wait for me?! Why did you stop in the middle of the road?! Why didn't you move away?! You imbecile!"
He pulled her to his chest so suddenly that she gasped, his arms grabbing her and pressing her to his body. He buried his face in her neck, tears rolling down his cheeks, his entire body shaking from whining cries. Kiku stared in front of her, shocked by his reaction and how tightly he was holding her now. As if she might slip from his hold and die.
She almost died, she realized. She almost caused Hajime's death, she realized. More tears filled her eyes and she grabbed his shirt tightly, trying to press herself even closer to him, starting to sob.
"I-I'm sorry…! I'm sorry!" She started crying out.
"Stupid! Reckless! Imbecile! I love you!"
"I'm sorry! I-I didn't mean to, I'm sorry!"
"Don't you dare do that ever again, you…! You imbecile…!"
"I won't! I'm sorry, Hajime…!"
"Reckless girl, I love you too much to let you go like that…!" He continued, mumbling and crying.
"I'm sorry! I love you too! I'm sorry…!" She whined, burying her face into his shoulder.
"You love each other, you're sorry and you're an imbecile and we're all crying – could we perhaps step OFF the road now? Before another accident happens?!" Hanamaki intervened, glancing around nervously at the idea that another car or truck might arrive.
He forced Oikawa on his legs and both helped up the couple, dragging their bags and what was left of the bicycle on the street but immediately dropping back on the ground. It was Hanamaki's turn to freak out while Oikawa walked around nervously. Hajime and Kiku were still clinging onto each other like their lives depended on it.
"I called your dad, Iwa-chan… He's on patrol right now but he's coming…" Oikawa announced, mostly to fill the silence.
Iwaizumi looked up, eyes red and still wide in panic, barely acknowledging what it meant but nodding.
It didn't take long for a police car to stop in front of the group, Iwaizumi Takashi hurrying to them.
"What happened? Are you injured?!" He asked quickly, checking on his son and Kiku.
He sighed in relief when they turned out all right, but all four of the teenagers were shaking – especially the ones who had almost gotten crushed by a truck. He had only understood half of what Oikawa had explained over the phone – something about Kiku's father and a truck almost killing them…
"What happened?" He asked again, more calmly.
Hanamaki, who was the less panicked of the four, explained him what had happened – Kiku's biological father showing up, her trauma coming back, her course stopped in the middle of the road, his stupid son bravely saving her life…
Takashi was shocked to imagine Kiku's biological father coming back into her life… he couldn't begin to imagine how she felt, or how Hajime felt – even worst with the almost accident that could have cost their lives. Suddenly tired, he passed his hands over his face before kneeling in front of Hajime and Kiku. His son was holding her tightly, they were still shaking but calmer now.
"Kiku, do you need to go to the hospital?" He asked.
She looked up at him, looking frightened at the idea of going there before slowly understanding why Takashi asked her that – not for her physical health, but mostly to make sure that her psychological health was stable. Not to be checked on whether she was injured or not, but to check if she needed a psychological follow. A more intense one than before, at least.
She shook her head no, looking down and grabbing Hajime's hand in panic. She didn't want to be away from him, she just wanted to go home and feel safe.
"You don't have any big injury and your vitals are okay, but I'll still take you two to the hospital tomorrow morning. For now, I'll drive you all home." Takashi said with a sigh, standing up.
The four teenagers climbed into the police car – it was a first for Hanamaki but the circumstances were too gloom for him to get excited about it. The way was mostly silent, Takashi occasionally glancing at Kiku and Hajime.
Oikawa kept glancing at them – to make sure they were okay and to make sure his friends were still alive. His eyes noticed their hands, never easing their hold, holding onto each other desperately. Iwaizumi Hajime was someone prudent and intelligent, he never did anything reckless or stupid – and yet, he had jumped on the way of a truck just to save his girlfriend. He could have failed and they could have both been killed, he could have been the only one killed… Thankfully it turned out for the best with both safe and sound… but… but Oikawa couldn't stop thinking about the desperate run Hajime had done just to reach her, not thinking about the consequences, just trying to save her… he loved her that much. He loved her so much he'd risk his own life. And she loved him so much that the mere thought of having risked his life had gotten her to break down in sobs… They cared about each other so much that their hands hadn't let go since they had almost lost each other.
Tooru knew he should be happy, thankful they were safe and sound… but he was just sad. He was overjoyed to know they were safe and sound, of course… but he just realized once again that his best friend had changed, almost losing his life for his girlfriend; and Tooru wondered yet again if he would ever hold someone's hand that tightly, be that desperate to keep this special person safe and sound…
They arrived in front of the Akiyama Bakery and after thanking Iwaizumi's father and telling his friends a few words, Hanamaki went into his home. The Bakery's lights were off but before Kiku and the others could reach the house, several lights had come on and Nanami and Shouta came out running in panic:
"Kiku! Your uncle called and explained everything! Where were you?!"
"We tried calling you! We were so worried!"
They stopped, Nanami gasping, when they noticed the state their daughter was in.
"W-what happened…?!"
"A little accident, nothing to worry about," Takashi answered.
Nanami rushed to Kiku, hugging her tightly while Shouta remained near his wife and daughter, thanking Takashi for bringing her home. Hajime and Kiku didn't let go of each other's hands, even though they were pulled apart by Kiku's parents' hug. Her eyes filled with tears, taking in the reassuring warmth of her mom and dad…
"I'll come back tomorrow morning for a check-up at the hospital, both physical and psychological." Takashi said.
"Thank you…" Shouta said, with a thankful nod, "Come on, let's go home."
Surrounding his wife's shoulders, who was holding tightly Kiku, they started pulling her towards the house but she didn't move, held back by Hajime's hand. Kiku looked back at him and he instinctively tried following her but his father stopped him with a firm hand on his shoulder.
There was a moment of awkward silence and stillness. Nanami, Shouta and Takashi all glanced at their children not letting go, then at each other, not knowing what to do when the teenagers were obviously shaken up and in need of one another.
"Let her rest, will you?" Takashi said, as gently as he could.
Hajime looked up at him, as if offended at the idea that he should leave his girlfriend alone now, but he felt helpless. His father would never let him stay with Kiku, and her parents would probably not let him stay around either. Why were they so selfish they'd try to pull them apart when he and Kiku needed so badly to be together?
Understanding the same thing, Kiku sadly looked up at Hajime before slowly letting go of his hand… Nanami immediately pushed her towards the house, Kiku sending her love another look before disappearing completely.
Takashi pulled Hajime back to the car and they went home in silence, Oikawa going in his own place while the Iwaizumi were back together. Umeko was panicked when she saw her son come home scratched up, and the tale she got from her husband didn't do anything to calm her. At first, Hajime was happy for his mother's comfort, but then it got embarrassing, and then he got irked off and went off for his bath. He didn't have to look over his shoulder to know that his parents were now discussing the situation very worriedly – he supposed Kiku's parents were the same right now.
He skipped dinner and went directly to his bath, quickly looking at his reflection in the mirror. His face and left hand were scratched up pretty badly, same for his knee. But it was nothing compared to what could have happened. The stinging sensation of the water was nothing compared to the fear and panic he had felt earlier. He tried to relax but every time he closed his eyes he saw Kiku frozen and into the light of the truck's lights, about to be run over. The driver probably didn't notice or was on his phone, which was why he didn't slow down or stopped. Hajime opened his eyes again, checking his phone. Oikawa, Makki and Mattsun (who had been told everything that had happened by Makki) were all asking him how he was or if he had news from Kiku – but she remained silent.
He sent her several messages, tried calling, but she wouldn't answer until several hours later.
I'm okay, I'm sorry for what happened today. See you tomorrow.
You're not okay, don't be sorry even though you were reckless… I want to see you NOW… He thought to himself, not knowing what to answer.
He tried sleeping but he couldn't. It was only very late, or very early depending on the point of view, that he fell into a restless sleep, filled with nightmares of Kiku dying in various ways.
As his father had said, the following morning, Hajime exceptionally skipped high-school to go to the hospital for a check-up. They went to the bakery to get Kiku and Hajime almost jumped off the car before it was parked to get to Kiku faster.
She was in such a state he felt his heart break. She looked exhausted, absent-minded, completely off, not well at all. He wasn't even sure how she had become such a lifeless doll in so little time. She barely reacted when he took her hand in his and talked to her.
"She couldn't sleep last night, until we gave her some medication. The dose is higher than what she had been taking recently so she doesn't feel very good, but she will be better by the time we reach the hospital." Nanami explained – she would go too to be with her daughter, obviously, "Iwaizumi-san, a word, please?" She asked, pointing at the police officer to go to the other side of the room.
He followed her, making sure their voices wouldn't be heard by their children. Nanami was wringing her hands nervously, glancing at Kiku and Hajime.
"Kiku cried for Hajime last night… It was– I know they're very much in love with each other but I'm not sure that this is sane for them to have such an intense relationship. They're still young and with what happened… this man back in her life, and the almost-accident… I'm grateful to Hajime for saving my daughter's life – but he could have died too and– and I suppose I hadn't expected them to be so depending on one another and I'm really worried, for both of them…" She explained worriedly.
"I agree with you, but…" Takashi sighed, rubbing the back of his neck before shrugging, "I'm worried for them too. But… I also know that they are both mature, intelligent kids and yes, they acted recklessly last night but we can't really blame them when they're in shock. They know what they're doing and they won't make any more stupid mistake, of that kind or of another kind… I trust them."
Reassured by the man's trust in their children, and comforted by the reminder that indeed, Kiku and Hajime were mature enough to know what they were doing, Nanami nodded, a little less worried.
All four went to the hospital, the two teenagers being checked by the doctors to make sure there was no internal injury, then, they were seen by psychologists. Hajime was exhausted but was deemed well enough by the psychologist – he still gave him a prescript for some medication in case of nightmares because of the accident; Kiku on the other hand… even though she had woken up from her daze by the time they had reached the hospital, she was put under medication once again. It wasn't a surprise but it traumatized her more than any other event – she had started thinking she was all right, that she didn't need her medication anymore, that she was almost over with it all. But then, he showed up, threw her off and turned everything for the worse. Being back on medication was like all her hard work and progress was gone and she had to start from scratch.
Without quite knowing how he knew, Hajime did understand the reasons why she felt so down. It wasn't just her biological father or the accident or being forced back on medication, but all of it. Once again, he didn't let go of her hand, even when some time later, they sat on her bed, their parents talking in the living-room as worrying adults ought to.
Hajime squeezed her hand tighter, attracting her attention on him.
"They're probably gonna come in and ask me to leave you to rest…" He said.
"They will." She agreed, still feeling dizzy and foggy from the medication but holding onto her clarity as strongly as she held onto his hand.
"You're not okay, not now and not for a while, right?"
"…I… I'm not okay…" She admitted, tears of shame filling her eyes.
"…You'll talk to me, right? You know I'm here for everything? You're not alone, you know that, right?" He continued softly.
He turned to her, she was shaking but she looked up into his eyes. Thousands of emotions went through her eyes – sadness, tenderness, hurt, trust, shame, thankfulness, despair, love… Then her trembling stopped and her shoulders relaxed, her hand held his a little tighter and he saw in her eyes that she accepted his help. That she needed his help and love and support. She fell against his chest and he held her tight, sighing in relief to know she counted on him and he wouldn't have to worry about that. He kissed her forehead and closed his eyes, taking in the warmth she made him feel.
They laid down on her bed, Kiku immediately falling asleep, safe into his arms. He felt sleepy but he didn't allow himself to drift off, knowing that his father would come to go home soon. He watched over Kiku, staring at her sleeping face. She looked peaceful but he couldn't tell if it was because of her medication clouding her mind or his presence soothing her. He prayed it was the first because then she'd be okay even without him, but he also hoped it was the second just to know she loved him as much as he loved her…
Takashi came to get him too soon but Hajime didn't argue when he was told to leave. He covered Kiku with her covers, kissed her forehead then left quietly, for once not even embarrassed for the demonstration of love in front of his father.
Whatever would happen in the next few days… it would be hell for Kiku but he'd be here for her. It'd be difficult for him too but he knew he could count on his friends if needed. He just hoped that this Hashimoto Noburu remained as far away as possible.
With her medication calming her down whenever she needed, and with her family, friends and Hajime by her side, Kiku felt better in no-time. In just a few days, she was almost her usual self, her dose of medication was lowered and she was smiling brightly once again. Hajime spent the entire week-end with her, for once, they didn't study despite the finals coming soon. They just relaxed with one another and Kiku's birdies.
"Kiku." Hajime called, looking serious, "We need to talk, if it's okay with you."
They sat in front of one another on her bed, Kiku looking nervous by his statement.
"Are you feeling good enough that we can talk about everything that happened?" He asked, not wanting to push her.
She hesitated before nodding, waiting for his questions. But instead of saying anything, he took her hand in his, his warmth spreading to her.
"If you don't want to, or if it triggers anything, just say so and we'll stop but… I think we really need to discuss what happened. Mostly your biological father coming back. How do you feel about that?"
She didn't answer right away, then a smile appeared on her face – which surprised Hajime.
"You sound like my psychologist."
"Perhaps I should become one then, instead of a volleyball player." He said, smiling and relieved it was the reason for her smile.
"You would be a good psychologist, you understand people well and you know what to say to reassure them."
"…Are you trying to avoid answering?" He asked, raising an eyebrow.
She looked by the window, her gaze catching a couple of birds flying around before going off.
"I'm just trying to get more time to think about my answer."
"You can–"
"I don't know what to think about this man coming back… I don't want to think he's a completely bad person but… I… I don't want him in my life. Not now, not ever. But… it might be selfish of me when he's trying to fix his mistakes…" She answered, looking down.
He stared at her before sighing deeply, squeezing both her hands in his.
"Still putting others first… I love this part of you, Kiku, but… you have the right to be selfish too." He said.
She looked up at him, lips trembling, as if remembering that she could think of herself before others from time to time. Hajime always was the one to tell her that – 'you have the right to be selfish'. When it came from him, it felt like it really was all right to think of her own being before another…
"If you don't want to talk to him, I would completely understand – I wouldn't talk to such a guy either if it were me… he's only bad news." Hajime continued, frowning, thinking back on this Hashimoto guy.
"I just don't understand why he would change his mind and try to talk to me after all these years. It makes no sense."
"Don't try to understand, just let him… stay away from you. You're better off without him. You're not alone, you have your family and your friends and me. I know that your parents abandoning you at birth left a hole in your heart, but… I don't think he'd be able to fill it now… If anything, it might just reopen old wounds. And I don't want you to suffer, more than anything else in the world."
Kiku glanced up at him when she realized that he was trembling lightly. She looked into his green eyes and saw a fear he didn't want to accept shining in them.
"…Hajime… I… I won't let him ruin my life, not now… but you… you seem so shaken up… Why are you– what are you so afraid of since he showed up?" She asked softly.
He took a shaky breath in, closing his eyes, trying to calm his nerves. She squeezed his hands, leaning forward.
"Hajime, you can trust me, you have to– we won't function if we don't trust each other on equal footing. I love you for trying to protect me, from myself and the world when I'm fragile, but I'm okay. I won't break regardless of what you'll say, so please, depend on me a little more… Talk to me, please…"
He sighed before filling his lungs with air, hopefully some courage as well.
"I just… I'm scared… that I'm going to lose you." He said, unable to meet her eyes, "When he came back and you started acting off, I got so worried for you and then, you almost– we almost… y'know what almost happened… Imagining being two seconds too late, not reaching you in time… what could have happened… it frightens me. I-I've never been so scared in my life… Losing you… would destroy me and I'm not sure I could handle losing you from your own despair…"
He breathed shakily, his heart feeling suddenly lighter despite the feeling of lead in his stomach – he felt better after saying it out loud. Talking about how much he was frightened, his fear proportional to his love for her.
"I love you too much to lose you, Kiku…" He murmured, voice breaking a little.
Kiku stared at him for a long time, eyes watery from the overwhelming emotions coming in waves over her heart and soul.
He avoided looking at her, ashamed for appearing so weak-hearted.
"Hajime… look at me… please…" She whispered.
He barely reacted but she cupped his cheeks delicately, forcing him to look into her eyes. Green met blue. Both felt like crying, more out of relief and happiness than fear and sadness. He put his hands over hers and they sighed, their breaths mixing together.
"You won't lose me. I promise." She murmured with a soft smile, "I love you too much to imagine leaving you in any way…"
His lips tilted upwards then a beautiful smile appeared, and his eyes sparkled. She chuckled joyfully as he leaned down, kissing her happily. She kissed him back, both so enthusiastic that their kiss was sloppy and they clumsily fell on the bed, laughing. He cupped her cheeks, deepening their kiss before pulling away for breath. They kept their eyes closed, still feeling the love from their kiss pulsing warmly through their veins. They brushed their noses and lips together, smiling brighter than they had in a while.
"I love you…" He whispered against her lips, looking into her eyes.
She was so overwhelmed by the way she felt for him that it took her a moment to find her voice again.
"I love you too…" She murmured with a smile and beautiful eyes.
He chuckled, the sound interrupted by her sudden kiss. He captured her lips, their bodies pressing closer, the tender kiss turning passionate and the soft warmth turning into an ardent desire. All the fear and sadness they had felt recently turned their love even more powerful and despite the tenderness never leaving their gazes and the way their hands travelled over each other's skins, the passion of this day's love-making was one they would never forget.
It wasn't a love-making to show desire or love, but to seal a quiet promise.
It was the day they realized not only the depth of their love for one another, but what love, True Love, really meant.
Falling and being in love were different – falling in love was the process and being in love was the state of being. The hearts fell in love, but the souls were in love.
Their lives would have continued with their peaceful, quiet love but Hashimoto Noburu didn't leave completely. A few days later, while Kiku, Hajime, and their friends, were leaving the school grounds to go in town for a karaoke; he was there waiting for her. Kiku noticed him only when he approached, and she froze. Hajime glanced between the two then pulled Kiku away. After that, everyday, Hashimoto would be waiting for Kiku in front of Aoba Jousai's gates. She, and Hajime, tried their best to ignore him but he was persistent.
"Iwaizumi, Kiku-chan!" Hanamaki called, entering their classroom at the end of the day, "The creep is here again…" He said with a sigh, "Mattsun just messaged me to warn you guys."
Kiku sighed while Hajime saw red, clenching jaws and fists.
"That's it! I'm calling the cops! Coach and the teachers said they couldn't do anything because he was remaining too far away from the school grounds and wasn't bothering anyone; but it's enough!" Iwaizumi exclaimed, already pulling out his phone from his pocket.
"Hajime, calm down," Kiku said, reaching out and putting her hand over his to stop him, "Regardless of how much we dislike his presence here, he isn't doing anything illegal. He's just sitting on the bench or in a nearby café. We can't do anything against it."
"But–"
"I'll go talk to him." She decided, standing up and pulling her bag over her shoulder.
It took a moment for Iwaizumi and Hanamaki to understand what she meant by that – and then, they reacted vividly, especially Hajime:
"Wha– NO! You're not going to talk to him! The last time you talked to him, you almost ended up under a truck!"
"I was being reckless and stupid, I was shaken up but now that I know he exists, and is here everyday, I can't ignore him forever." She continued with a shrug, "I'm okay, really… I won't let his talking get to me. And there are a few things I'd need to clear up with this man."
"I'm going with you, then!" Hajime exclaimed, standing up.
"Are you sure it's a good idea? The first time you almost attacked him, and that was before you and Kiku got your almost-accident… You're even more protective of her now…" Makki remarked.
"I'm not stupid, I won't end him completely!" He answered, rolling his eyes.
"Nah, you shouldn't say that to begin with. You're short-tempered and with your protectiveness, it's just worst."
"I can't stay still while she's facing this man all of on her own!"
Before the two could continue arguing, and attract any more attention, Kiku stood between them.
"It's okay, Makki, I'll make sure Hajime doesn't do anything stupid! And you can come if you want, I don't have anything to hide from you, muffin. If anything… it'd reassure me if you were by my side…"
Reassured to not leave her alone, Hajime let out a breath of relief and took her hand. Makki just sighed and raised his hands to the ceiling, hoping it wouldn't turn out badly.
Kiku and Hajime went their usual way, glancing warily at Hashimoto who was sitting on a bench, looking down at a picture between his fingers. Hajime thought that for once, the man wouldn't notice them and they could have walked away, but he looked up and stood up suddenly, awkwardly approaching Kiku.
"Kiku–"
"I suppose you have some things you want to talk about." She said, trying not to let any emotion show on her face nor in her voice.
"Y-yes, please…" He said, looking pleading.
Kiku hesitated before sighing and nodding. In silence, but holding tightly onto Hajime's hand, they followed the man. A few minutes later, they were sitting around a table in a café, avoiding looking at each other, an uncomfortable silence resonating.
"So… last year of high-school, uh? The exams are soon, right?" Hashimoto started awkwardly, apparently trying to appear friendly and good-minded.
"Yes." Was all Kiku answered.
"…Um… so, tell me… uh, how long have you two…?" He continued, waving vaguely between the two.
Hajime and Kiku glanced at each other before answering in one voice:
"Eight months."
"I-I see… um… you play… volleyball? You like that? I was playing on my soccer's team back in high-school." He asked, turning towards Hajime, trying to get into the boy's good graces (good luck).
Before Hajime could answer though, Kiku spoke up:
"He's been playing volleyball since his childhood, he was the Ace and Vice-Captain of the team and he's been scouted by the number one sports scouting agency in all of Japan. He'll be on the National team in September, and he'll study at the university as well because he's brilliant."
Hashimoto seemed stunned she had talked so much, even Hajime was a little surprised, but happily so, a little flush on his cheeks as he nodded, fighting off the proud smile from his face to keep glaring at the man.
"O-oh… ah… that sounds… great. Great plans. G-good luck to you, boy…"
He observed closely Iwaizumi who stopped from drinking, looking back at him in a mix of curiosity and threatening intent.
"What?" He mumbled.
"…Aren't you a little short for volleyball though? I thought volleyball players were very tall."
"…I don't like you." He growled, irked off at being considered short.
"Hajime is taller than average, much taller! He's got skills and power! And just because you're short doesn't mean you can't do anything in volleyball anyway…" Kiku said defensively.
Before Hajime could appreciate her compliments, Hashimoto turned towards her:
"You must really like him, you only talk about him. Tell me more about yourself, Kiku."
She seemed surprised by his sudden will to know more about him, and was at a loss at what she should say. Fiddling his hands together, Hashimoto continued:
"What you like, what you do… your favourite subject– oh, do you know what you're going to study at the university?" He asked, almost enthusiastically.
"I-I like singing and dancing…"
"Just like your mother, then!"
"…And animals. I usually take care of my pets in my free time. I don't like or dislike anything in particular at school… and I'll study Law in Tokyo. I want to become a lawyer to protect children like me who were abandoned or abused by their families." She said, turning a hard gaze towards him.
Hashimoto swallowed hard, feeling accused.
"What… was your life like? Are you happy with your family? Your adoptive uncle seemed very protective of you…"
Kiku seemed distraught, suddenly remembering all the families she went through and the Himura who had beaten her and almost destroyed her… Seeing her distress, Hajime took her hand and answered for her:
"You don't get the right to ask her anything about her family when you abandoned her. You're the cause for her misery so don't–"
"I…" Kiku spoke up, forcing him to stop and getting Hashimoto's attention, "I went from family to family for years then I arrived into another household. I was abused in every possible ways. The only reason why I didn't kill myself is because I was adopted by a good family, the Akiyama, and because I met Hajime." She said in a calm voice, her expression neutral but her eyes burning.
Hashimoto didn't answer, he didn't even look hurt or surprised… maybe he had had his doubts on what she had gone through but had pretended to be ignorant.
"I never knew why I was born if my parents didn't want of me at all, why they had left me to die. Now that I know why… I don't understand how someone could be so cruel." She continued, her words sharp and biting.
Hashimoto lowered his head, a long silence followed. She kept staring at him, hoping he would react, saying something, anything. But he remained silent. Sighing and not expecting anything from him, she started to stand up to leave…
"I'm sorry… you had to suffer so much because of our mistakes…" He finally said, making her turn back to her, "I… I can't really say I wanted the best for you, because… I foolishly tried to get rid of you right after your birth."
Kiku sat back, staring at him, stunned he had admitted his true intentions from back then. She felt… relieved. For once, he wasn't lying and she knew the truth about her origins. He continued, not daring to meet her eyes:
"You were a shame for us. You destroyed our lives and we didn't want to think that you could someday come back to haunt us and destroy what was left of us. But a few days after your birth, we saw in the newspaper that a baby had been found and saved and… and we realized that we were glad. That the little life our love had created wasn't… gone… despite all of our mistakes and what we had done to you…"
He took a shaky breath and she realized he was crying.
"We were too ashamed to try to find you… we never forgot about you… but after Mei's death…"
He shook his head.
"I was at a loss, I tried finding you but it was impossible. I wanted a piece of her with me, through you. Searching for you… got me to find someone… my current wife… she gave me peace and she knows everything I have done but still accepted me as I am."
Kiku stared at him as he took out a picture, showing a woman with two children, all laughing happily:
"I'm happy but… I couldn't forget about you. So I tried looking for you again. It took me two years. But I found you."
He paused, putting the picture back in his wallet and shuffling awkwardly around. Hajime glanced at Kiku, not certain to understand how she felt – she probably didn't know herself.
"I know you could never forgive me for what I did to you, and all the consequences that befell on your life… but… I'm trying to fix my mistakes… it probably won't be fixed, ever… but… I had hoped that the hole in my heart could… somehow be filled by meeting you…"
He stood up and bowed clumsily, not daring to meet her eyes.
"I won't bother you anymore, I've done enough… I wish you both happiness…"
He started leaving and Kiku's lips trembled. Hajime took her hand, understanding that her compassionate heart… wouldn't let him walk away like that. A hole in his heart. She had a hole in her heart too – because she had never known the truth about her biological parents…
"Wait–" She called, surprising herself and Hashimoto – but Hajime wasn't surprised, instead, he squeezed her hand for reassurance, "You didn't… tell me… what was she like…? My biological mother…?" She asked in a low, shaking voice.
Hashimoto turned around then smiled awkwardly, coming back and telling everything Kiku would ask for.
The following day, Iwaizumi and Oikawa were running to keep in shape, and Hajime was sharing everything he had learned the previous day with his best friend.
"I can't believe he blatantly said that they gave her up because they were ashamed! They're the ones who made the mistake to begin with!" Oikawa mumbled at the end, frowning.
They were both huffing a little from running in the same time, but they had enough stamina to run and talk.
"That's what I thought, I was that close to strangle the bastard!" He answered, still seething.
"I can imagine! Kiku-chan isn't my girlfriend but as my friend, I'd fight off this guy! He doesn't deserve such a pure daughter!"
"I know! But… I think it was what Kiku needed…"
Oikawa glanced at him and Iwaizumi continued, frowning:
"Not a good heart or pity or anything just… the truth…"
"How does she feel?"
"Better than expected, but still… y'know… shaken up…" He answered, "Talking of, I gotta go see her! See you later, Oikawa!" He exclaimed, changing direction.
"Later, Iwa-chan~! And be safe you two~!" He exclaimed teasingly.
Iwaizumi heard, but he ignored his comment, even if he turned red when people turned around to stare. He accelerated a little, now that he was alone, and quickly arrived at the Akiyama Bakery. He went directly to the back door, finding it open and after saluting Nanami who was in the living-room, he went straight to Kiku's bedroom. She wasn't in here but he said hi to the birdies before noticing some of her clothes on her bed.
"Cupcake?" He called.
Hearing some splashing in the bathroom abjointed to her bedroom, he hesitated. He had seen her naked plenty of times, and they had even taken a bath together once; but it was still embarrassing to go in there.
"Kiku?" He called again, hoping for an answer that would indicate whether she would welcome him in the bathroom or not.
Not hearing anything, he decided to make her a surprise. He opened the door but froze when he didn't see her. What he saw was her auburn hair, almost black from being wet, floating at the surface of the bath water. His heart skipped a beat and fear turned his blood cold. He saw her still, with a truck approaching. All his nightmares came back.
He rushed through the bathroom, not quite knowing whether he screamed her name, or just screamed. He fell and slid on his knees, grabbing her and pulling her out of the water. Kiku emerged, screaming and coughing, completely panicked and not understanding what was happening. She turned towards Hajime, eyes wide while he grabbed her face, eyes blurry from the tears.
"Kiku! You idiot! You crazy! Why! What…!" He shouted before pulling her to his chest and holding her tight, ignoring his clothes getting wet.
"H-Hajime! What's happening?" She exclaimed, still coughing a little.
"I-I thought… I thought you were…"
His voice broke and his sentence trailed off, not finishing it. She pulled away from him and stared at his face:
"Drowning? That I was trying to kill myself?" She concluded with a sad gaze, "I… I just like being under the water and I didn't hear you coming until someone grabbed me so suddenly I swallowed water and almost drowned…"
He let out a heavy sigh and relaxed just a little when he realized he had mistaken the situation. He slumped down – it didn't help him feel any better.
Kiku grabbed her towel and wrapped herself to come out of the bathtub, sitting next to him to try to calm him down. He kept his face in his hands, now feeling stupid for thinking the worst.
"…It's always going to be like that, isn't it…?" He realized, looking up from behind his hands, "Every time you'll be a little sad, every time you'll break a little… I'll be scared. I'll spend the rest of my life being scared for you and worrying for you and every time I'll have a nightmare, I'll think of the worst…"
"Hajime…" She murmured, taking his hands in hers.
Her hands were still wet and very warm. She was real and alive and well, but he was still trembling at the idea that she might have died… countless of times before he even met her. But now that she was in his life, he couldn't imagine it without her and yet… she was still struggling with her past trauma. Which was becoming his trauma and biggest fear.
"I'm sorry…" He said, not looking at her.
"Hajime, I… I don't want this life for you…" She said, looking down at their joined hands, "Constantly worrying, being scared for me, that I'll make a mistake… my parents… I see how they are, they're constantly restless because they're scared I'll take my own life… I don't want this for you as well."
Slowly, regretfully, she pulled her hands away from his. He looked up in shock.
"Perhaps… we should stop now…" She whispered regretfully.
"W-what do you mean…?" He asked, even though he perfectly knew what she meant.
She looked up at him, forcing a smile despite the tears filling her eyes.
"We said… we'd wait for the end of the year to decide whether or not we'll stay together… let's end it now. Before it gets even more difficult… You deserve better, you always did, and you won't be happy with me, not if you have to worry for me all the time, not if… not if you even risk your own life for me…"
They… had agreed to it. They had said they'd discuss it at the end of the year, whether they'd stay together after their third-year or not, because they'd go their own way… Hajime had assumed he'd have a few more weeks before it'd happen, a few more weeks before he'd have to think about it… But… but Kiku was ending it… now?
No. No, no, no…! NO!
"B-but... no! I... I still want to… I don't want…" He started frenetically, his heart beating in panic.
"Please, Hajime, it's for your own sake. For both of our sakes. Neither of us wants of a long-distance relationship, we'd only be miserable, away from each other… And with what happened lately, you're too… you're too focused on worrying for me, you need to think of yourself. Your studies, your career… so let me set you free… You'll be okay, and you'll be happy a-and I'll be too… so don't worry for me… promise me?"
He opened and closed his lips, helpless tears filling his eyes. Finally, he closed his eyes, lowering his head, quiet tears rolling down his cheeks as he bit on his lower lip. He didn't want to say it, he didn't want to promise anything. Not like that, not now. Not for that.
Understanding how difficult it was for him, and her heart breaking a little as well, Kiku cupped his cheeks and leaned her forehead against his, closing her eyes. She took in his warmth, and the peace and love he made her feel. Then she kissed his lips. She kissed him goodbye, a kiss to set him free. It was sweet and sad and full of love and before he could kiss her back, she pulled away and stood up.
He tried to reach for her, his lips longing for more, his entire being already craving her warmth.
By the time Hajime managed to get up and follow her, she was already dressed and turning her back from him, avoiding looking his way.
"Kiku…" He called softly.
"…Please… we knew it'd happen eventually… please go… don't make it any harder…" She whispered, head down.
He hesitated, not wanting to leave, or he'd leave his heart behind. But not knowing what to say to get them to stay together, to keep what they had a little longer, he turned around and left quietly. Kiku didn't dare watch him leave and he didn't dare look over his shoulder as he ran back home. He went straight into his bedroom, ignoring his mother's surprised calls, and he fell on his bed. The moment his face hit the pillow, he started crying. Quietly at first, then he couldn't feel the air enter his lungs anymore, then he was sobbing and whining and calling her name and he was clenching the pillow so hard his knuckles turned white.
He wasn't sure when his mother had entered and started comforting him, but when he calmed down she didn't stop stroking his spiky hair. She didn't have to ask any question to understand what had happened…
"I thought… I thought we'd have a happy ending, despite what she went through… I thought our story was supposed to have a happy ending…"
"Oh, honey, you will have a happy ending, both of you… but a story's happy ending doesn't mean you'll be together…" She murmured.
More tears filled his eyes and he just turned around, seeking her comfort. He might have been finishing high-school, feeling like a man, ready to start a life and he had learned how to love but… he would always be his mommy's baby boy…
Not long later, Oikawa learned (probably from Hajime's mother) and came to comfort him. His friends came over as well, trying to distract his mind but all Hajime could think of was whether Kiku had someone to comfort her too. He knew from Oikawa she was with Yuuna and Shinobu but it didn't help him feel any better.
The following days didn't even feel like the hell both Kiku and Hajime had expected after breaking up so softly. They had thought it'd be sad and terrible to see each other every day at school, possibly avoiding each other but on the contrary. They were still smiling and talking and practically nothing changed. The main difference was that when they reached for each other's hands, they had to remember it wasn't possible anymore. They would freeze in the middle of the gesture, both aware of what the other had tried to do. Then they'd look away and feel sad for a moment. They had known it would happen at some point, they knew it would come and had decided on it several months ago. But it still hurt.
Hajime's nightmares didn't stop even if it was less often. Now he dreamt of being with Kiku, holding hands, kissing, spending lovely nights together… then he'd realize he was holding a ghost. Sometimes he had to stare at her tombstone while the seasons went by – it was the worst recurring nightmare, he hated it. He'd always wake up sweating, knowing it had only been a dream but spending the rest of the night restless. Until he'd see her again in class, safe and sound.
Studying for the finals distracted them both and their friends and families were here, but they were still missing each other.
"Hajime."
He stopped from putting on his running shoes to look up at his father who looked grave. Oikawa, who was waiting for him in the entry glanced between the two.
"I'll go on ahead," he told Iwa-chan before leaving the apartment.
"What is it?" Hajime asked his father, suddenly worried.
"We need to talk about something, come here a minute."
He followed him in the living-room, and he sat down. His father was broad and impressive; he felt like a criminal even though he knew he had done nothing wrong. At least, that he was aware of.
"I wasn't sure I could tell you about it but I discussed it with your mother and we agreed you should know. You're still in touch with Kiku, right?" He asked.
I promised to never leave her alone… He thought.
"Y-yeah… why?"
"Do you know if she talks to her biological father, this Hashimoto?" He continued.
"I… uh, we don't really talk about it, but I think so… I'm not sure…" He admitted.
Takashi sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. Hajime finally noticed a police file just between them, but he didn't dare look at it any closer.
"Did something happen? Is Kiku all right?" He asked suddenly, scared of what these questions might hide.
"She's fine, don't worry. The other day I was in patrol and I saw her with a man, I assumed it was Hashimoto. I got curious – I had almost forgotten because of the fright of your almost accident with the truck, but I couldn't understand why he'd re-appear after all these years… so I investigated."
He pushed the file towards Hajime who hesitantly opened it.
"At first, nothing unusual. Never got in trouble, got a job and family."
Hajime didn't see anything wrong in everything he was seeing on the various papers his father had gathered.
"Then I saw his medical file…" Takashi sighed.
Hajime pushed away another paper and read the medical report. His blood ran cold, then it started boiling. He stood up suddenly. His father seemed surprised by the reaction but when Hajime started walking towards the door, he stood up:
"Wait! Hajime! Where are you going?" He asked.
"I need to tell her!" He exclaimed, putting on his shoes and already out of the door.
He kept walking, then accelerated and ran. He ran fast, to get to the Akiyama Bakery. He was surprised to find it closed but when he went to the back door, even after ringing, no one opened. But the bakery's vehicle was still here so they had to be home. He was about to open the door when it opened suddenly. Hajime looked up and seemed as thunderstruck as Shouta to see each other. But then, Shouta's surprise was erased and he frowned, making the young man shiver. Shouta stepped away and pushed out Hashimoto who almost fell over.
"Don't approach my daughter!" He threatened.
Hashimoto glared at him then turned around, not sparing another glance at either. Shouta turned back towards Hajime who looked as distraught as he was angry, afraid to know what had happened. Shouta's features softened.
"…She needs you." Shouta said, opening the door wider for him.
Hajime opened and closed his lips, hesitating before he entered, took off his shoes and climbed up the stairs. Kiku was sitting on a chair, at the table, her mother keeping her hands on her shoulders, murmuring something he didn't understand or care about.
"Kiku…" He called softly.
She looked up and turned around, her passive expression crumbled and tears filled her eyes.
"Hajime…"
She stood up and ran to him, burying her face in his chest. He wrapped his strong arms around her and closed his eyes, giving her all the comfort he could. She started sobbing, mostly because she had missed him, his warmth and his embrace so much. She could feel his heart beating strongly through his chest and it felt good. It felt like home.
"It's okay, I'm here… I'm not leaving you…"
Some time later, they were cuddled together on her bed, tea and cookies brought by her mother completely forgotten, just taking in the comfort of being together again.
"What are you doing here?" Kiku asked when she had calmed down.
"…My father investigated a little on Hashimoto… and he shared with me what he had found… I-I thought you needed to know the truth…"
"…Thank you for coming to warn me, even if he admitted the truth himself just before you arrived…"
"I can't believe he lied to you about his intentions…" Hajime growled, "If he approached you ever again, I'm going to kill him…"
"Don't make a mistake for someone as pitiful as him."
He was surprised by her words, but looking down at her, pressed against his chest, he realized that she didn't seem that surprised. Hurt, but… not surprised.
Some hours ago…
Kiku hadn't expected her biological father to show up, but he was here and asking to talk to her. Her parents didn't want to leave her alone with him and after some debate, all four ended up sitting in the living-room, exchanging tense casualties before Hashimoto talked about the reason of his coming here. The reason why he had looked for Kiku.
"I'm sick… very, very sick. I'm on the list for a kidney transplantation but… it's a long list and I still don't have any chance anytime soon. My wife isn't compatible with me, and my children are too young. I was hoping that maybe… if we are compatible, you could donate one of your kidney to me. I actually did a test with one of your hair that I had had the chance to get, and we are compatible so… I will do anything in exchange for that."
Kiku wasn't surprised, she wasn't really hurt. Her lips fell open and she blinked once, twice.
"You didn't find me to get over the loss of your first wife, or to fill anything. It was just to get a kidney from me, isn't it?" She murmured.
"You… get out of here!" Shouta exclaimed suddenly, standing up.
"It's not your choice, but hers! Kiku, you have a good heart and you met your siblings – they can't lose their father, right?"
"Like she lost you? Get out of my house! Get away from my daughter!"
"Kiku, please, just think about it–"
Shouta grabbed the man and pulled him away, leaving Kiku and Nanami alone for a moment. Nanami surrounded Kiku for comfort, murmuring words of reassurance but Kiku didn't react. Not until she heard footsteps behind – they weren't her father's, she recognized these footsteps, it was–
"Kiku…"
This voice. Kiku slowly turned around, her heart speeding up and feeling so alive to see Hajime standing there, a little red and sweaty from running, but he was so breathtaking. Seeing him again, for her, now… it was like fate.
She saw their memories together flashing in her mind: their first meeting under the sakura trees in their first year, their few interactions that made her fall in love, her first confession, the two of them ending up in the same class and everything ever since…
"Hajime…" She whispered, tears filling her eyes.
She ran to him and she was home again. She was safe and happy again while he held her.
Kiku kept her eyes closed, listening to his heartbeat.
"I missed you…"
His heart missed a beat then it beat faster, happily. It beat in rhythm with her own heart. She smiled, opening her eyes but feeling more happy tears fill her eyes.
"I missed you too, cupcake…" He murmured, leaning down to kiss her forehead.
She looked up, staring at him in awestruck love. His green eyes were shining – from love and content to be with her. Her hand reached up and she brushed his cheek gently, having missed this simple touch. His own hand reached for hers and their fingers entwined, gazes never leaving one another.
"I… Kiku, I can't stop thinking about you, I can't help but feel completely lost without you…" He murmured.
He chuckled in embarrassment, blushing adorably.
"I know we had decided that it'd be best to go our own ways after graduation but… I really can't let you go… No matter what, you're the one for me and I… I love you…"
A bubbling laugh escaped his lips and she couldn't help but smile, just as happy.
"I'm losing my mind without you and after everything that happened recently, it reminded me that… despite everything you have gone through, and that you will still go through in the future… I had promised to never leave you. And I can't. Even if I tried to, I wouldn't be able to! You're my first love, my everything and… and even if it'll be difficult to be in two different cities…"
He stared into her eyes, her beautiful blue eyes, sparkling like sapphires.
"I still want to be with you…" He whispered, "It'll be hard! B-but… I'll come to see you and you'll come back here and… it'd only be temporary anyway…"
Cuddling together on her bed, looking into each other's eyes, being here for each other… it wasn't much but it meant everything to them. And it had taken letting go of each other and being brought back together to realize that no matter where they were, their love was strong enough to survive the distance and the longing. They were each other's homes, after all.
"So… could we… be back together? For good? For… forever?" He asked, red and hesitant.
Kiku chuckled before moving to be completely pressed against him, cupping his cheeks with a bright smile.
"Yes… it sounds good! It's all I'm looking forward to…! Forever with you!" She exclaimed.
He chuckled in happiness but the sound was quickly smothered by their kiss as they fell down on the bed, kissing and being back together. Their hearts felt at peace, and the world was spinning right once again.
"No more hesitation, we stay together and we trust each other. Promise?" He asked, looking right into her eyes.
She nodded before smiling widely.
"Promise…"
They kissed again, to seal their promise. A promise for good and for forever.
"Wait–" he interrupted pulling away, "What about Hashimoto? What are you gonna do? You're not gonna say yes, right?" He asked, frowning because he knew how kind and compassionate she was…
"I… I won't. I don't know… I… I don't want to think of him now… I'm back with you, it's all that matters." She answered, hiding her face in his neck.
He hugged her tight, silently agreeing with her, brushing his nose against her hair. Then he sighed in joy and relief, because she was back in his arms.
The strangest thing was that absolutely no one was surprised they were back together – some hadn't even noticed they had broken up to begin with. Oikawa was overjoyed, obviously, and teasingly but half-seriously started organizing their wedding. Kiku shared with her friends the truth about Hashimoto and they weren't surprised either he had had such filthy intentions, but they all swore to protect her from him and it was enough to make her laugh and smile.
No one was surprised when that day, after school, Hashimoto was sitting on a bench, creepily waiting for Kiku to go out. When Hajime saw him he forcefully handed his bag to Oikawa, glaring at the man.
"I'm gonna–"
"Hajime." Kiku interrupted.
From afar she could see him sadly looking down at a picture. The picture of his wife and children. He had said that they were the reason why he had desperately gone to see her to find someone he could receive a kidney from. Perhaps he did try to fix his mistakes, not with Kiku, but by trying to not abandon his children again, like he had abandoned her.
Calmly, Kiku approached the man, followed closely by Hajime, and all her friends from the volleyball team. Which meant that when he looked up, Hashimoto was being glared down by several very tall and very muscular young men.
"Kiku, I'm sorry for what happened, I shouldn't–" He started, standing up.
"It's okay. I understand what you did," she said, stopping him, "I don't think you're fundamentally a bad person. You're just a person who made bad decisions. I thought about what you asked of me…"
Her voice trailed off and she took a deep breath, Hashimoto looking at her hopefully while Hajime started worrying that her kindness would get the better of her.
"I refuse." Kiku said firmly.
Hashimoto's shoulders dropped, and he looked devastated.
"I have a life to focus on and I can't afford to be kind to someone who, willingly or not, destroyed my life. Regardless of what you did to me… I do hope you'll find a donor to give you a kidney and allow you to be happy with your wife and children…"
Kiku nodded to him then turned around, about to leave before stopping and turning back to look at him:
"I know I was a mistake, for you and my biological mother, and it ruined your life. It ruined most of mine but… I have a beautiful life ahead of me, so just for the mere joy of having so much to look forward to… Thank you for the blessing of bringing me into this world!" She said with a smile, turning to look at Hajime.
He was the one who had made her life bright and beautiful, full of colours and expectations, he gave her warmth, peace and comfort – and so much more in the future. She hadn't ended her life thanks to him, but now, he gave her life a meaning.
Hajime shared a knowing smile with her, their fingers entwined.
"Hashimoto-san, I don't want you to be part of this life, but I forgive you," Kiku told him, "Goodbye."
She left without hesitation, without looking back at him. Hashimoto was shocked, not by her refusal but by her kindness and perhaps, like she had said, despite his mistakes and her very existence having been a mistake all these years ago… it hadn't been such a mistake, bringing her into this world.
For a short moment, when he closed his eyes, he could hear his first baby's screams, a little girl. He turned towards Mei, the love of his life, who reached out to hold the baby, tears streaming down her face – from pain, maybe joy? He was about to give her the baby when their benefactor, the man who was a distant relative of his family and had helped them so much, grabbed the child and gave her to the closest nurse.
Let me hold her, let me hold her! Mei had screamed.
You can't do that! He had screamed.
You owe me everything! Their benefactor had said while they cried.
They never saw their baby again. Noburu hadn't had the heart to tell Kiku he had had no idea of what had happened to her just after her birth, pretending to have been the one abandoning her. Not knowing seemed even crueller than doing the act himself. It was all right if she hated him for abandoning her, after all, he left her being taken away, so it was just as terrible as leaving her to die himself.
"I forgive you." She had said.
Mei… we've been foolish and cruel to this child… but she became wonderful… You would be so proud of her… Noburu thought, looking up at the sky, tears rolling down his cheeks.
He noticed that the sky was grey, and the rain started falling, covering his regrets and tears, almost nursing and comforting him.
"Oi."
Hashimoto turned around, surprised to see Hajime here, and mostly to see him alone. He noticed the group of friends and Kiku waiting, many meters away, sheltered from the rain. Hajime stared right at him, almost threatening but he looked much calmer than before – probably because he didn't have to worry that Kiku would make the mistake of giving this man one of her kidney.
"Everything she's been through, it's all because of you. All her hurt, all her sadness, all her pain, every tear, every scar, every time she felt her heart break, every time she thought she wasn't loved and didn't think her life matter…! It was all caused by YOUR recklessness, YOUR mistakes, YOUR cruelty. You are the reason for all her pain." Hajime said in a hissing voice.
Noburu didn't waver at the words, knowing it was the unfortunate truth.
"And yet… she still has a soul so pure… and a heart so full of love… that she's willing to forgive you…" He concluded, his voice filling with awe when talking about Kiku, "You don't deserve such a selfless daughter. She's NOT your daughter so… get out of her life."
Hajime sent a last, firm glare at the man, to make sure his message was clear and understood. When Hashimoto didn't say anything, he considered the message had gone into his head. Hajime turned around to join Kiku and the others when he was called:
"Iwaizumi… Iwaizumi Hajime-kun, isn't it? It's your name, right?" Hashimoto called, making him look from over his shoulder, "…Please, take care of her…"
Huffing, Hajime turned around and remained silent, but both men knew that this silence meant "who do you think I am?!" and so, he walked away from the man who had almost ruined yet again Kiku's life.
Hajime joined his friends under the shelter, the rain already starting to slow down after the quick downpour.
"What did you talk about?" Kiku asked him curiously while he shook his head like a dog, sending drops of water to everyone who whined.
"Just made a few things clear." He answered.
He looked down at his beautiful, precious girlfriend. Her hair a little humid from the rain, her wide, curious, blue eyes staring up at him.
"Take care of her…"
No need to ask it of me, he thought, leaning down and surprising her with a kiss.
Kiku gasped and blushed, not used to such demonstration of love in public, even though it was just their friends. But from the sudden hooting and teasing they shouted, they were as shocked as she was; and a lot more embarrassing. Hajime pulled away, flushing but he was smiling, the couple ignoring their friends' teasing in the background.
"I love you, cupcake."
She seemed surprised once again but smiled beautifully, kissing him again.
"I love you too, muffin," she answered with a chuckle.
She took his hand and started pulling him towards the rain.
"Wait! It's still raining, guys!" Mattsun exclaimed.
"Leave them be, Mattsun~!" Oikawa said with a chuckle.
Kiku laughed, starting to run under the light rain and pulling Hajime with her. Holding hands, laughing, they spun and danced, ignoring whoever might look at them. Kiku's smile was so bright and her laugh so happy, it seemed to chase the clouds away. The sun appearing once again made her hair and eyes shine and without surprise, Hajime fell in love all over again with her.
A few months later, April, at Sendai's train station…
"You have your bag? Your ticket? The papers for the apartment? Your father will be waiting for you there, but still, make sure you have everything once again…" Nanami said frenetically.
"Mom, it's going to be fine… I have everything." Kiku said with a reassuring smile.
"You've grown so much… I can't believe you're already leaving, for Tokyo, to study… Be careful over there, it's full of thugs and yakuzas… Come back to see us soon, okay? I'll miss you so much my baby girl…"
"Mom, I won't be that far away… I'll be fine… I promise…"
"Call me as soon as you arrive…"
"Yes, I will. Don't worry, I won't be alone anyway… Oikawa-kun will be here too."
"That's not much reassurance, we both know you'll be the one taking care of him." Nanami said.
Mother and daughter shared a smile and a chuckle and Kiku hugged her tightly.
The finals had come and they had graduated, all ready to start their life as young adults at the university. Oikawa and Kiku were the only ones of the group who would be moving from Miyagi, going to Tokyo and surprisingly, they ended up in the same building. Well, they had tried to be near each other, but they hadn't expected to be both accepted in the same building, just one floor away. Because of that, they had decided to leave on the same train, and Kiku's father had used his bakery truck to move all her boxes and stuff along with Oikawa's. Shouta and Oikawa's father had left in the early morning to be in Tokyo when the teenagers would arrive.
Kiku turned towards Makki, both awkwardly staring at each other for a short moment. They had been annoying neighbors before becoming teammates and friends. They still had some trouble bearing each other's company at times but…
"I know I don't really act that way, never did and I never admitted it before but… we're friends, okay?" He said, with a smile.
"I know that, creampuff. Don't make a mess while I'm gone." She said, pulling at his cheek.
"Don't do that!" He exclaimed pulling away before ruffling her hair but she slapped his hand away when he made a mess, "And if Oikawa gets too annoying, don't hesitate to send him us in a box."
"Oi! I heard that!" Oikawa exclaimed from a few meters away.
"I can't believe I'm saying that, but I think I'm going to miss you, Taka-chan," she said, looking amused.
"Urgh… don't call me that… and… I'm going to miss you too, alien-mermaid…" He answered.
She chuckled and they stared at each other, then he opened his arms and she hugged him. Very quickly though, before it would get any more awkward.
"Aaaww, aren't you cute… you're gonna miss your mommy!" Mattsun mocked, leaning on Makki and pulling at his cheek too, "Do I get a hug too?"
He opened his arms and Kiku went into it as well, the middle-blocker lifting her up very high, making her laugh.
A few meters away, after saying goodbye to his family, Oikawa and Iwaizumi were staring at the scene from afar, both smiling in amusement and fondness.
"Y'know… I never properly thanked you for what you did…" Iwaizumi suddenly spoke up.
"Uh?"
"Kiku and I. The devil only knows how you did it, but at the beginning… you played match-makers for us, right?"
"Uum… maybe a little~!" Oikawa admitted, embarrassed.
Iwaizumi turned towards him with a grateful smile.
"I only get to know that much happiness thanks to you… so thank you, Oikawa."
He blinked in surprise before smiling, and for once, it was a genuine smile.
"I'm happy for you. And I'm counting on you to play match-maker for me~!" He answered.
"Geh, I could never do that, but Kiku probably has a few tricks up her sleeve for you." Iwa-chan answered, chuckling in amusement.
His best friend laughed as well but their laughs quickly died, melancholic smiles on their faces.
"…You're going to be away, it's going to be weird to not see you suddenly show up out of nowhere into my room…" Iwaizumi started, "…I'm going to play with a different setter…"
"I'm going to play with different spikers…"
"And among them, Ushiwaka," Iwaizumi remarked, Oikawa making a face at that.
"I didn't think it'd be that nerve-wracking to go somewhere where you wouldn't follow…" Oikawa admitted.
"Just you wait, soon enough, you'll be the one following me."
"I wouldn't expect less from you, Ace!"
They stared at each other, thinking back on the years playing together, on the same team, the absolute best duo. No matter where they were, what team they would play with, they both knew they were partners and that wouldn't change.
Hajime lifted up his fist and Tooru answered to it, the same gesture they had done countless times.
"I… will you watch over her for me…? Please?" Hajime said, his smile disappearing as he glanced at Kiku who was saying goodbye to Yuuna and Shi-chan.
"Iwa-chan… it's an honor you'd trust her with me… and of course, you can count on me!" He answered.
Hajime was relieved, and they looked at each other again, realizing that… this was it. Goodbye. Just for a while, but it would still be the longest time they'll spend without one another. Tears suddenly filled Tooru's eyes, startling his best friend.
"O-oi! What the–"
"I'm going to miss you, Iwa-chan…!" He whined, suddenly jumping on him.
Hajime startled, but felt his own eyes sting.
"O-oi… Trashykawa! Stop that… I… we said we wouldn't cry… damn it…" He muttered.
A few tears escaped his eyes and hugged Oikawa back.
"I'm going to miss you too, dumbass…" He mumbled.
"Just hurry up to come in Tokyo to shout at me! And try growing up as tall as Ushiwaka so we can finally beat him, you're too short now and it's difficult to hug you!"
"…I'm going to hit you."
But Oikawa laughed, and Iwaizumi couldn't help but smile a little.
"See you soon, partner," he said, lifting up his fist once again.
"See you soon, Iwa-chan!" Oikawa answered.
Then, the rest of their teammates jumped on them, and especially Oikawa, annoying him. Hajime stepped away just as Kiku arrived at his side. She glanced up at him and he smiled, looking a little clumsy and embarrassed.
"You'll look after him, right? Make sure he doesn't injure himself or gets too stupid and reckless? Right?" He asked.
"I promise. I'll look after him." She said.
"And…"
His voice trailed off and instead of saying anything, he took her hand in his. They stared at each other, hearts full of love and sadness at the perspective of being far from each other's arms.
"I know." Kiku said, squeezing his hand.
He smiled back and reached for something in his pocket, taking out a little packet.
"It's, uhh… I know it's not your birthday yet but… I wanted to offer your birthday gift before you'd leave. As a reminder. Um, a promise, rather."
"C-can I open it?" She asked shyly.
He nodded, almost enthusiastically, despite the blushing on his cheeks. She opened the package and found a little box saying "promise rings" and two adjustable rings, one male, one female, entwined together. She smiled brightly and looked up at Hajime who smiled back.
"I thought… it'd be nice to have something to look at to think of the other when we'll be lonely…"
She opened the little box and untangle the two rings, handing the male one to him, and looking at the pretty one she'll keep. It was a simple, twisted silvery ring.
"What do we promise exactly? Because we've been doing countless promises recently. These rings stand for which one?" She asked curiously, amusement shining in her eyes.
"I'm not sure… let's promise…"
To see each other again? To stay together? To trust each other? To love more and more? To never leave the other?
"Uuuh… I don't know, um… let's promise to… happily ever after?" He proposed.
She stared at him, a little stunned by his proposition. He blushed and looked away.
"Geeh, it sounds so cheesy…" He muttered under his breath.
Kiku chuckled and took his hands. She went on her tiptoes and got him to lean down, kissing his lips tenderly. Their kiss was full of love and sweetness with a pinch of sadness when they pulled away.
"Let's promise to happily ever after, then…" She whispered against his lips.
He smiled and they stumbled to put on the rings while they were so close and kept their fingers entwined. He was about to kiss her again when an announcement made them freeze.
"All passengers for the train in destination of Tokyo that will depart from the platform A, the train will leave in five minutes. Please take your seats."
"Kiku-chan, we have to go!" Oikawa called.
Kiku and Hajime pulled away regretfully, but he kissed her cheek another time. They hugged their parents quickly and Hajime accompanied Kiku all the way into the train, lifting up her bag that Oikawa took while he went to find their seats.
Kiku and Hajime wanted to talk, but they didn't know what to say anymore, they had said everything, and nothing seemed important enough at the moment. He lifted up her hands and kissed them warmly, making her smile.
"See you soon, Hajime!" She exclaimed, stepping away so the doors could close.
She quickly joined Oikawa and from the windows, they waved to their friends and families while the train was going away. Both Kiku and Hajime didn't stop smiling for as long as they could see each other, but as soon as they were out of view, their shoulders dropped.
"You're gonna cry?" Makki asked Iwaizumi who pretended he wasn't crying.
"Here," Mattsun said, handing him a handkerchief.
Iwaizumi sniffed, but took the handkerchief anyway. Meanwhile, Oikawa was the one comforting Kiku the best he could, though, half-way through it he started being the one crying and needing comfort.
Kiku watched the landscapes go by then glanced down at her promise ring. Somehow, she knew that at this very moment, Hajime was staring at it too.
It might take some time, but they'll have it, their happily ever after.
As promised, the epilogue will arrive as soon as I'm done rereading it! ;)
Yours Truly,
May