Hi guys,
so glad that you liked the last chapter and I loved all the speculations in the reviews. Well, you'll find out if you were right in this chapter because now the drama starts to unfold. I still haven't changed my mind about giving away if this story has an HEA in the description, but if you send me a PM I will tell you. And now on with the story :)
Disclaimer: I do not own Fifty Shades of Grey, all characters belong to E. L. James
Six months later -Ana-
"Baby, the guys and I will be downstairs in the pool room." Christian says and kisses me behind my ear.
"Sure, Kate and Mia will be here soon. Have a good time." I reply and smile at him, though I feel anything but happy. To be honest, I feel like a failure. We have tried to have a baby for seven months now and nothing has happened. My period has been late twice and both times I ended up crying in the bathroom when it came.
Christian even took me away to a private island in the Caribbean to take my mind off things, but I can't help but feel that it is my fault. He went to a doctor to have his sperm count checked and he told me everything came back with great results, so it must be me. That is why I have an appointment with Dr. Greene tomorrow to get some tests done. I don't even want to think about the fact that I might not be able to carry a child, so I force myself to think positive. My period should have started yesterday, so maybe I won't even need the tests, maybe I am pregnant.
Walking into the closet I pull my shirt up and look at my flat stomach, wondering what it would look like protruding with my child growing inside of me. The worst part about trying to have a baby is that suddenly you see pregnant women everywhere and now that Mia is having a baby too, it's like I'm the only woman in the world that isn't having a baby. Two days ago I overheard two women talking in line at the Deli and one of them just found out that she is pregnant and how she would just get rid of it without telling her boyfriend.
I wanted to turn around and yell at her, tell her how ungrateful she is when there are so many women who are desperately trying to get pregnant and it just doesn't happen for them while she is thinking about ending her pregnancy.
Thank God, I came to my senses before I said anything, it's none of my business and she may have had good reasons for not wanting to get through with her pregnancy, but when I heard her say that, it just rubbed me the wrong way.
Christian seems to be dealing a lot better with it than I am, he always tells me that it will happen eventually and even suggested that I should go back on birth control and we would try again in a few months, because I was so upset every time my period started. When he suggested that, I nearly lost it and told him point blank that I would not go on birth control again until we had a baby.
So, we are still trying and today I want to take my mind off of things by spending a girls' night with Mia and Kate. I just need an evening of mindless chit chat, unhealthy food, and crap TV to feel like my old self again. I even considered to fly to Georgia to see my mother for a few days, but decided against it, because it would mean not seeing Christian, so instead, I called her and she will come to Seattle to see me next week.
She could tell from our latest phone calls that something isn't right, but I didn't want to tell her that I fear I might not be able to carry a child. She would have felt terrible for not being there to hug me and tell me that all will be fine, so I guess I have to wait for a few more days to tell her.
With a sigh, I let my shirt fall back into place, change into a maxi dress and hurry downstairs to make some snacks, while Gail is making something for the guys downstairs in the billiards room.
An hour later Mia and Kate have arrived and we are all in the family room just talking, but I start to feel a bit uncomfortable. Trying to ignore it, I continue to enjoy the evening, until I have to use the bathroom.
Once I'm inside I sit on the toilet and when I wipe myself I start to cry, because of course, my period has started. I just flush the toilet pull my panties back up and sit down on the floor where I allow myself to cry for a few minutes.
"Ana is everything ok?" I hear Mia call out.
"Yes, come in." I call back and she steps inside.
"Hey, why are you crying?" She asks and sits down next to me.
"My period just started… I don't get it; I mean what if something is wrong with me? I can't imagine not having children and..."
"Stop, please… look, Ana, I know that you have been trying for a while now and I know how heartbreaking it is when it doesn't happen right away. Ethan and I had to try six months before this little one came to be." She says and points to her belly.
"But you had Olivia before, so you knew it would happen eventually, I never had a baby before, so what if I just can't get pregnant, maybe something is wrong with me." I sob. Mia already has a daughter and is pregnant again, so how would she know what it feels like to go through something like this?
"There is nothing wrong with you, please, believe me, you will be pregnant when the time is right. I just know it, now no more tears or do I have to get my brother to make you smile again?"
"No, please don't tell him, Mia, he hates to see me upset, he even suggested that I should start birth control again for a while, I don't want him to see me like this." I beg and she nods.
"I won't tell him, but then you have to wash your face and come back into the family room."
"Okay, I just need a few more minutes… and a shot." I mutter and she laughs.
"Well, luckily you can have one." She says and gets up to leave the bathroom while I stay behind trying to get my act together.
Maybe she is right, maybe I'm just trying too hard and need to have a little more faith… it's just, I never wanted as bad as I want to get pregnant… but I have to stay positive.
Three days later I am at the office trying not to stare at my phone all the time because Dr. Greene promised to call me to once all my test results came back from the lab and it's already been two days. So when Hannah calls to tell me that she has Dr. Greene on the line I'm actually really nervous, but finally, take a deep breath and ask her to put the call through.
"Ana Grey."
"Mrs. Grey, this is Dr. Greene. Your results came in this morning, is your husband nearby? I would like to talk to him too." She says and I get a bad feeling, something isn't right.
"I… I… why do you want to talk to my husband?" Oh my God, it's bad.
"I just need to tell him something, please don't worry, Mrs. Grey."
"I can go to his office now, can I call you back in five minutes?"
"Of course, take your time I'll make sure to make time for you." She says and hangs up while I nearly start to hyperventilate.
This is it, I can't have a baby, if the results would have come back positive than she wouldn't have asked to have Christian present when she gives me the results. No, it has to be something bad.
Getting up on shaky legs I grab my purse and step outside my office.
"Hannah, I need you to cancel my appointments for the rest of the day, I'm leaving now." I tell her and she frowns but doesn't say anything as I head for the elevator and press the button for the top floor.
Once I'm up I step out and walk to Andrea's desk. "Mrs. Grey, how nice to see you, Mr. Grey is in his office, you can go right through." She says and smiles at me, but I just give her a stone-faced nod and walking towards Christian's office.
When I enter, I find him behind his desk, smiling when he sees me, but his face falls when he looks at me.
"Baby, what is wrong, you look upset?"
"Can you please cancel your next appointment ?" I ask barely recognizing my own voice.
"Has something happened? Ana talk to me!" He demands and I look up at him.
"My test results came in, Dr. Greene called me but she wouldn't tell me, she asked for you to be there too." I whisper trying desperately not to succumb to tears.
"Is there anything wrong?" He asks and I shrug.
"Can we please just go get this call over with? I need to know what is wrong with me."
"Hey, there is nothing wrong with you… maybe she just wants to share positive news with both of us." He says and I want to yell at him. No Doctor tells someone to have another person present to give you test results unless it is really bad.
"Okay, let me tell Andrea to cancel my next meeting, then we can talk to Dr. Greene." He says and for a second I want to ask him how he can be so casual over this, but I bite my tongue and watch as he calls Andrea to tell her to cancel his next appointment.
Once he is done we sit down on the couch in his office and I make the phone call.
„I'm with my husband now, Doctor Greene." I say trying not to succumb to tears before I have even heard what is wrong with me.
„First of all, all of your test results came in positive, Mrs. Grey. There is no reason why you shouldn't be able to have a baby." She says and I need a second to digest this news.
„So, everything is fine? I can have children?"
„Yes, you are as healthy as it gets, no reason why you shouldn't get pregnant."
„But why did you ask for my husband to be present?" I ask getting annoyed because I nearly had a nervous breakdown.
„Well, I requested your husband's medical file, but there must have been a mix-up with his file and I can't get a hold of your husband's doctor, so I just wanted to ask Mr. Grey to contact his doctor to let him know there was a mix-up."
„Mix up?" I ask confused.
„Well, according to the file I received your husband had a vasectomy about two years ago, but since you are actively trying to get pregnant this can't be right. Please let me know when the issue has been fixed. Have a good day." She says and hangs up.
I look at Christian and he is white as a ghost, looking anywhere but at me, still I can see the guilt written all over his face. This can't be true... he wouldn't have done that... two years ago we have already been married... he wouldn't betray me like that.
„You should call your Doctor... I think I have his number on my phone." I say and he still doesn't look at me.
"Christian!" I snap and this gets his attention.
"Ana… I… please let's just go home." He says and I shake my head.
"No! I want to know what is going on, why are you acting so weird... it's a simple mix-up with the file... or is it?" I hiss and he hangs his head.
"I can't be a father, Ana… I'm not made to be a father and I don't want children… ever." He says and my heart starts to pound.
"Christian, that's bullshit, you are so great with Ava, Olivia, and Jamie… you …"
"You want to know what I love about them the most?" He suddenly snaps at me and my eyes widen. "It's the fact that the second the start to annoy the fucking hell out of me, I can give them back to their parents. Children are messy, Ana… spit, shit, snot, vomit, sticky fingers and more shit, I hate it, really fucking hate it, but I knew that if I had told you from the start that we won't have children, you would have never married me and I am selfish, I want you Ana… all to myself. So, I lied and told you that we could talk about kids sometime in the future. I actually thought I had way more time, but with Mia and Kate having kids, of course you wanted to have one too and I… I panicked. So, I took care of it." He says and my ears are ringing, while bile rises in my throat, because deep down I know what he is going to say next.
"What have you done?" I whisper and close my eyes, not able to look at this man in front of me any longer.
"After you brought having kids up the first time, I knew I had to find a way out of this… then my business trip through Europa came up… so on the first day there I went to a hospital and had a vasectomy." He says and I keep my eyes closed… this is not my husband… not the man I have been in love with for over five years… he wouldn't do this to me, put me through hell for nothing… lie to my face…
"Say something." He says and my eyes snap open.
"You want me to say something… how could you do this; it wasn't just your decision to make!" I hiss, mindful that I can't yell at him here, not with other people within earshot.
"I was scared, I don't want children and I was worried you would just go off birth control, so I made sure that even if you did, it wouldn't get you anywhere." He hisses back and I can't believe this is happening.
"Well, unlike you, I would never go behind your back with something as important as starting a family. How could you tell me you wanted to start a family when you knew it wasn't going to happen!"
Suddenly, I'm so angry, I feel like I'm about to have a heart attack, for seven months he has given me hope, watched me cry my eyes out when my period started, made plans with me for our future children and he knew it wasn't going happen.
"You were so distant, I saw you holding Jamie and I knew that is what you wanted… I just thought we would try for a while and then you would give up and we could go back to normal… look it doesn't matter, we still have us…"
"Us? No, right now there is no us! If anything, you have ruined us by betraying me the way you did… Fuck this!" I damn near scream, grab my purse and storm out of his office. I need to get the hell away from Christian or I might do or say something that will ruin our marriage for good.
In the garage, I look around and find that Taylor has followed me.
"Is everything alright, Mrs. Grey?" Taylor asks.
"Please get a car, I need to leave." I mutter.
"Do you want me to get Mr. Grey."
"No! Just get a fucking car!" I yell and Taylor looks at me startled.
"Ma'am, I really think I should get Mr. Grey." He says and that's it I lose it.
"Listen to me, you either get a car or I'll walk, because if I have to look at the lying piece of shit that is my husband right now, I will kill him, understand?"
"Ma'am please tell me what happened." He says and a bitter thought crosses my mind.
"Did you know; you've been with him to Europe when he had to stay there for three months." I ask and he frowns.
"Mrs. Grey, I don't know what you are talking about." He says and I close my eyes.
"Did he go to a hospital while you've been there?"
"Yes, I believe so, he said he wanted to get a birthmark removed."
"He had a vasectomy." I whisper.
"Fucking hell… alright, I'll get the car, Ma'am." He asks and with that my tears start to fall.
„Where do you want to go?" Taylor asks when we are in the car.
"Home." I whisper, so grateful when he starts to drive.
While he is driving, my thoughts go back to all the times I have cried in the last seven months, because no matter how often we tried, I just wouldn't get pregnant… and he knew, he put me through this for nothing and just watched… how could he do this to me?
After a while, I stop to cry and instead I know I have to make a decision.
"Taylor, have you heard from Christian?" I ask.
"Yes, he has requested for Ryan to pick him up."
"Call Ryan, tell him to take Christian to Escala." I say eerily calm and take my phone from my purse to call Gail.
"Mrs. Grey, what can I do for you?" She asks when as picks up the phone.
"Gail, I need you to pack my husband's belongings and send them to Escala."
"I… I don't understand." She stutters and I take a deep breath, so I won't yell at her.
"As of now, Christian and I are separated, I don't want him in my house, so he will stay at Escala, please pack his belongings and have them send to him." I repeat.
"I… of course, Ma'am." She says and I hang up.
At home, I walk like a robot into the kitchen, open the fridge and pour myself a huge glass of wine, while I try to wrap my head around what happened this afternoon and what it means for my marriage. Can we recover from this? Can I ever trust my husband again? In this moment I have no idea, all I know is that I need time to think this through… maybe I should talk to Christian, but what he has done is so horrible that I know I will lose it with him and make our situation even worse… I just need some time to myself and then I can make up my mind if I want to pick up the pieces of marriage, move on and give up on my dream of having children for a man who is so fucked up that he would put me through hell and back to get things his way…