A/N: Okay, here it is at long last- the next chapter of "The Imperial Daddy"! Even though the past few weeks have been filled with much stress with papers and exams, I've managed to channel my frustration into making Inga suffer with the pain and turbulence of Rayfa's journey into womanhood.
I would like to thank fellow Ace Attorney fanfic writer JordanPhoenix for her help in writing ACE's response to Inga's situation. If you like my material, then you'll like hers. So don't hesitate to check her out. In fact, ACE is Phoenix shortly after the events of a story of hers, "Potential Murder Suspect" (a.k.a. Chapter #42 of her other story, "Turnabout Everlasting"), which also deals with the 'joys' of the monthly visitor.
Inga's car sped up to the palace before he jumped out of the still-moving vehicle, Rambo style, and made a beeline dash towards the entrance of the large, imposing structure that he called home as if his very life depended on it… which in a sense it did.
It started out as a normal morning for Inga at the Department of Justice, occupied with his normal responsibilities- monitoring the Prosecutor's Office, hunting down Dhurke and his Defiant Dragons, stamping the seemingly-endless stream of execution papers that flooded his desk, etc.- when he received a phone call that shook him to his very core.
"Danger…! Her Benevolence…! Help…! Death is upon us…!" A young female voice yelled in terror before the call abruptly ended- which from the sound of things, was caused by her dropping the phone before it was crushed.
From the caller id, it was clear that it was one of the palace's servants calling; and from the sound of the call, it was clear that Rayfa was in danger. What in the Holy Mother's name this danger could be was irrelevant, for if his baby girl was in danger, Inga would not hesitate for even a second to jump into the situation and fight off the threat singlehandedly.
Thus, springing out of his chair like a jackrabbit, Inga ran out of his office as fast as his legs could carry him… but not before almost tripping over his cape like a scene out of a cartoon.
As Inga was about to enter the palace, he was knocked off his feet, both figuratively and literally, by the sheer magnitude of screaming, stampeding female servants thrusting open the heavy, opulent doors as they fled from the building; trampling the proud Minister of Justice like a piece of paper on the street.
Once the dust cleared, Inga, a man who could strike terror into the heart of even the toughest Khura'inese citizen, was left lying on his back, his arms and legs lifted into the air, twitching like a roach that has just been killed with a cloud of insect repellant, as Nayna calmly walked out of the palace. Not looking where she was walking, Nayna accidently stepped on Inga's stomach, causing him to let out a strained wheeze, prompting her to look down and see the infamous minister bruised and battered.
"Oh, Inga, I didn't see you down there. You know, maybe your back wouldn't hurt you so much if you didn't spend your mornings lying on the ground…" Nayna remarked with her normal sassy grin.
"I'm not in the mood for this, Amara." Inga growled as he glared up at the 'elderly' woman before him. "Help me up!"
Nayna complied, extending out her cane, which Inga grabbed the end of and used to hoist himself back up onto his feet.
"Amara! What's going on? Why are the servants in such an uproar!? Inga barked.
Nayna let out a long sigh before adjusting her glasses. "Inga, it was madness, utter madness… Only a total nincompoop would stay in that slaughterhouse after what I and the other servants have witnessed."
"But what of Rayfa? Is she safe?" Inga's eyes widened as he grabbed Nayna's shoulders and started shaking her back and forth. "I need answers, woman!"
Nayna calmly, yet swiftly, whapped Inga's hands with her cane, releasing his grip on her shoulders. "Oh, Rayfa's safe, alright; but in her current state, even the Holy Mother Herself couldn't help that girl… if she's still even human."
"Nonsense, Amara! I don't know about the Holy Mother, but if there's anyone out there who can save Rayfa in her time of need, it's me, her adoptive father!" Inga proudly proclaimed with a smug grin as he chomped down on his stamp, slightly leaning forward to show his confidence. "I've led the hunt against the Defiant Dragons, I've led the police against many a criminal, from petty thieves to serial killers, and I've had sex with your sister and am still standing! I know no fear!"
"Yes Inga, that was truly a show of courage last week when you were crying like a baby and begging the Holy Mother to end your misery while Ga'ran 'pleasured' you in your private quarters." Nayna sneered, causing Inga's face to redden like a ripe tomato.
"Th-that doesn't count! It was Wednesday and she ambushed me, see!" Inga snarled. "Regardless, nothing's stopping me from getting in that palace and saving my daughter…! RAYFA!" Inga yelled as he pushed Nayna off to the side and rushed into the palace.
Watching Inga's mad dash, Nayna couldn't help but shake her head. "Nincompoop…" The 'elderly' woman mumbled to herself before leaving the palace grounds.
"RAYFA…! RAYFA…! Where are you!? Are you safe!?" Inga bellowed as he continued his search for his daughter.
As the minister's search continued, he couldn't help but grow worried by how it looked like every hallway in the palace was attacked by a bear- what with how there were discarded wrappers strewn about the floor, unfinished food products scattered willy-nilly, and how the walls were smeared with condiments, such as ketchup, mustard, relish, and… chocolate sauce? Who, or rather what, could cause such a mess?
And then it hit Inga like a sack of bricks. The chaos, the destruction, the wanton handling of foodstuffs… It all pointed to one possible cause: a Defiant Dragon attack on the palace- specifically one led by Dhurke's second-in-command, the very incarnation of gluttony himself, Datz Are'bal! Inga remembered how just last month, that deviant launched an attack on and devastated over half of Khura'in's apple orchards, leaving only broken branches and disgruntled farmers in his wake. And now this nutjob was in the palace endangering his baby girl?! Just what was he planning? To kidnap her? To torture her? To tell her the truth about her relation to Dhurke and steal her away from him!? Of all times for Ga'ran to be out of the nation on diplomatic duties… Even though Inga barely tolerated his wife, her insanely loyal Royal Guard was useful to have around for situations like this.
"Oh, where could Rayfa be…? Of course! Knowing my little girl, she's probably hiding in her private quarters. Don't worry, Rayfa, your father's coming!" Inga proclaimed as he sped up his pace even more to where if anyone saw him, he would appear as just a tall brown blur.
When Inga finally made it to the entrance of Rayfa's private quarters in the palace's courtyard, he felt a little better seeing that the door was locked, pointing to his daughter's safety; but he couldn't disregard the possibility of Datz taking Rayfa hostage and being held up in her private chambers. What if that psycho was squeezing his legs around Rayfa and was going to swallow her whole, like how an anaconda consumes a mouse!?
With a single phone call, Inga could have had his secret police at his location in a matter of seconds and they could have arrested that Are'bal punk in no time flat; but there was one thing that had kept Inga from making that decision from the very moment that he received that distress call: his pride. Sure, his secret police could do the job better than he ever could, but what would that show Rayfa? That he was the kind of guy to just let his goons take care of matters concerning his daughter? No, if his daughter was in danger, he would be the one to save her. Sure, he despised Khura'in's matriarchal society and how it allowed intolerable witches like Ga'ran to lord over him, but Rayfa wasn't like that. If she ever became queen while he was alive, she'd be the type to give him just as much say in politics as she would have; because Rayfa was the only female in that entire damn royal family to not see him as an object to mock, like Amara, or, in the case of his despised wife, a hunk of man meat that's only good for pushing around and using to fulfil certain… urges; sick, disgusting urges that had sent at least three therapists running for the hills in the past year.
And so, with much courage, Inga did not hesitate in unlocking the door to Rayfa's private quarters with one of the many palace keys that he had on his person before storming the house.
Rayfa's living space would appear to most as having the feel of a beach house- a place where one could go to rest and escape the stresses of the world, but was too basic for one to want to spend every waking moment in. The house consisted of two floors: the ground level, which consisted of a basic, yet stylish, kitchen with pink floral print wallpaper consisting of a marble island counter with a few pink pub stools next to it, a refrigerator, and a few cabinets- Rayfa always begged her mother to have a stove and oven installed so that she could have more dietary options, but the queen always refused on the premise that a fire was how one member of the Royal family died and she didn't want to have that number double- as well as a small hallway that led to Rayfa's room and the stairs leading up to the next floor; and the upper level, which consisted of a small sunroom and a flower-filled balcony for Rayfa to go out on.
Though surprisingly, when Inga entered the kitchen, it was completely pristine, contrary to the disheveled state of the palace; but then again, the only foods that Ga'ran would allow Rayfa to own were fruits, vegetables, and Taste None cereal, the blandest tasting high-fiber cereal created by human hands that would be better used as mulch; and to add insult to injury, the picture on the front box featured smiling old ladies riding bikes. Who do these old bags think they're fooling being all happy while promoting that glorified wood? No one, that's who; but that wasn't important. Inga had to focus on saving his daughter from the evil clutches of Datz.
When Inga reached Rayfa's bedroom door, he found that it, too, was locked. Concerned, Inga lightly knocked on the door.
"Rayfa, it's your father. I just decided to stop by to visit you, and not at all because I heard that there was an attack on the palace. So do you mind opening the door so that I can see how my daughter, who is in no way being held hostage, is doing?" Inga asked unconvincingly before striking a praying mantis style kung fu pose.
Even a child could see through that request, but Inga figured that at the very least Dhurke's incompetent second-in-command would believe it and would play straight into his ingenious master plan: Operation Wait-for-Datz-to-Open-the-Door-and-then-Beat-the-Stuffing-Out-of-Him. But when a minute passed by with only complete silence, Inga lowered his guard and knocked on the door again.
"Rayfa, I don't know if you heard me, but can you, my daughter who is in no way being held hostage by a Defiant Dragon, open the door for me, your defenseless father who isn't wearing a cup?"
Upon making his request, Inga heard a faint moan of pain coming from inside the room, prompting him to unlock the door, which he always carried the key for, and burst into the room with clenched fists and a fierce glare.
"Get away from my daughter, you damn, dirty Defiant Dragon, or I'll-" Inga yelled before becoming overwhelmed with a feeling of confusion upon seeing neither hide no hair of any Defiant Dragons, yet seeing the room in a complete mess- clothes scattered on the floor, the curio cabinet used to store Rayfa's Plumed Punisher action figures tipped over, and the Plumed Punisher sheets on her bed piled up in a giant mound, and… and… A massive blood stain on the carpet next to the bed!?
Just what in the Holy Mother's name happened in here!? "Rayfa…?" Inga nervously asked, not knowing what would happen.
"Father…?" Rayfa asked in a tired tone.
Inga's eyes nervously darted around the room. "Rayfa, where are you?"
The minister flinched at seeing the pile of sheets start to shake, almost as if some creature was going to jump out, but calmed down at seeing his nine year-old daughter pop her head out from underneath the pile like a turtle emerging from its shell.
"Father… Why did you unlock the door…? I wanted it locked!" Rayfa growled, causing Inga to flinch at his normally calm, at least for him, daughter, who was glaring at him with daggers in her eyes.
Inga walked over to Rayfa and patted her on the head. "I'm sorry, Rayfa. I just heard from one of the servants that there was an issue at the palace, so I-"
"Oh, so that's how it is, Father!" Rayfa yelled loudly enough to cause Inga to quickly take a step back. "Who was it? That traitorous Nayna!? She can't do anything right and abandons me and you take her side!? I thought that you loved me!" Rayfa screamed, her already-red face growing even redder as tears welled up in her teal eyes.
"No, of course, Rayfa, I love you! I came all the way back here from my office to check on you, didn't I?"
"No! No you don't! You only came back because you HAD to! You're like Mother, treating me like I'm some burden that's ruining your life! I bet you wish that I was never even born!" Rayfa wailed, bursting out into tears as she buried her face into her mattress.
"Rayfa, you know that's not true! How can I prove it? I'll do anything." Inga pleaded as he went against his better judgement and rubbed Rayfa's back, causing his daughter to quickly jerk up her head to shoot him a scowl on par to that of her biological father's Dragon Glare.
"You mean it…?"
"Yes Rayfa, whatever it is, I'll do it!"
Rayfa reached out a hand from underneath her covers and rubbed her chin in thought. "Well, I could use some more food from the market…"
"Inga nodded his head. "Right. So what'll you have, honey?"
"I want 20 packs of Plume Punisher cookies, 40 bags of chips, 10 jugs of chocolate chip ice cream, 12 pizzas-"
"Uh, Rayfa…" Inga interrupted, scratching the back of his head out of concern. "Don't you think that's a bit, I don't know… excessive?"
Rayfa emitted a shrill shriek as her glare somehow grew even fiercer. "I KNEW IT! Not only don't you love me, but you think that I'm FAT!?" The disgruntled princess yelled, a look of hurt forming in her eyes.
"Rayfa, that's ridiculous! You're in no way fat! Now your mother, she's fat; whereas you're slim and svelte!"
"Oh, so now you think that I'm skinny like some gangly, ugly twig that one would find in their yard- the kind that one would waste no time in throwing away!? Do your insults know no end, you… you… MEANIE!?"
Inga put his hands up in front of his torso as he vigorously shook his head. "No! That's not what I meant, Rayfa. I- Ah!" Inga screamed as Rayfa threw several Plumed Punisher plushies of varying sizes at her poor father.
"Rayfa! What's gotten into- Oh no…" Inga, with eyes as wide as saucers, bolted out of the room at full speed as he saw Rayfa grab the lamp from her nightstand and prepare to throw it at him. Thankfully, he managed to close the door behind him right before he heard the sound of the lamp crashing against it.
Now it all made sense as to why the palace was in such an uproar. In her current state, Rayfa could have very easily given the Defiant Dragons a run for their money. Heck, not even the Hulk would be able to stand a chance against Rayfa, if that throwing arm of hers was of any indication. Inga was tempted to call-in his secret police, but Rayfa would probably crush them all like tin cans on the sidewalk. That's why, instead of fighting this, Inga decided to give in to his daughter's demands; and an hour-and-a-half later, he returned to Rayfa's room with a cart filled with all of the food items that the disgruntled princess had requested, finding that his daughter was once more hiding underneath her mountain of covers.
"Father, is that you? Have you returned with the items that I requested?" Rayfa chirped, her personality undergoing a 180 degree turn since Inga was chased out of the room.
"Y-Yes, Rayfa. Here they are. It was a lot of work getting it back here; but it was all worth it for you!" Inga nervously replied.
What happened next was a scene that would scar Inga for the rest of his life- from underneath the covers, two little hungry hands reached out and started pulling whatever foodstuffs they could grab from the cart and take them back from whence they came; the only remains emerging being discarded wrappers and boxes that were forcefully thrown from underneath the covers and onto the floor as Rayfa proceeded to grab more and more food as the shell of covers shook from the princess' vigorous feasting.
As this was happening, Inga's jaw dropped, his mouth opening and closing like a fish gasping for air, as he witnessed his sweet, refined daughter, who would, for the most part, not so much as even breathe out of line, devouring more than twice her body weight in junk food with the ferocity of a dog that hadn't eaten for days.
"Rayfa…?" Inga nervously asked as he backed away from the covers, fearful of the possibility of the shell of sheets bursting open like a cocoon to reveal that his daughter had transformed into some giant moth/mantis creature that would eat his head.
"WHAT!?" Rayfa growled in a tone that Inga swore could only belong to some sort of hell spawn.
"Is there anything else that I can get for you?" Inga asked with much hesitation.
"I want a new outfit for Croakie!" Rayfa demanded, which prompted Inga to look over to his daughter's dressing, where her rather large pet frog, dressed in a bright-green suit and matching fedora, sat perfectly still, much like a statue- probably to avoid receiving his master's wrath in the form of projectile furniture. "I grow weary of his current attire. I wish for him to look exotic, so buy him a yellow and purple stripped sweater vest and a matching yellow top hat!"
"Consider it as good as done." Inga replied before rushing out the room and back to the bazaar.
Thankfully, this trip only took the minister 30 minutes on account of there being, strangely enough, a vendor that specialized in making designer outfits for frogs; but then again, this was the marketplace that housed a stand dedicated to a man who would whisper to a person's rashes and tell them the proper way to treat them.
Upon Inga returning to her room, Rayfa stuck her head out from underneath the mound of covers to get a status report on her father's trip to the bazaar.
"So, did you buy Croakie's new outfit?"
With a triumphant grin on his face, Inga pulled out a purple and yellow stripped sweater vest and a yellow top hat. Though instead of hearing his daughter sing his praises, he received another ear bleeding shriek.
"Father, what is the meaning of this!?" Rayfa yelled, her left eye starting to twitch.
Inga cocked his head in confusion as he scratched the side of it. "Whaddaya mean? I got you the stuff that you asked for."
"No! I said a yellow and purple stripped sweater vest; whereas you got Croakie one that is purple and yellow stripped!"
"So, what's the difference?"
Upon hearing this question, Rayfa's nostrils started to flare. "'What's the difference!?' 'WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE!?' I'll tell you the difference, Father! The purple stripes at the very top clash with Croakie's complexion, making him look ill! And what is that material, polyester? You know that Croakie is allergic to polyester! If he wears this, then he'll break out in a horrid rash and I'll have to take him down to the Rash Whisperer! Do you wish for my dear Croakie to endure such public humiliation!?"
"N-no…" Inga timidly muttered under his breath, looking down at the ground in the hopes that he wouldn't enrage Rayfa any further by looking her in the eye.
"And what in the Holy Mother's name possessed you to purchase that shade of yellow for his hat!? When I said to buy a yellow top hat, I meant saffron- a pleasant shade that promotes whimsy and joviality- not mustard! Croakie is not a pimp, he is a gentleman! Ugggghhhh!" Rayfa screeched.
Inga's body tensed up, not unlike how one reacts to being cornered by a bear whose honey was just stolen.
"I HATE YOU!" Rayfa yelled as she picked up her nightstand with a single hand.
Knowing where this was going, Inga dashed out of the room once again and quickly closed the door behind him as the nightstand crashed against the door.
And no sooner had the nightstand crashed against the door, did Inga hear from inside the room Rayfa chirp "I love you, Father! You're the greatest man in the whole wide world!"
What the- What is this madness!? Amara was right! Rayfa's barely human anymore! Over the span of mere seconds, my daughter has gone from yelling how she hates me and trying to kill me with furniture to saying how much she loves me. I don't know what malevolent spirit has overcome my baby girl, but one way or another; I'm freeing Rayfa from its vile grip! Time to get spiritual...
About 30 minutes later, Tahrust Inmee and Nahyuta entered the hallway outside Rayfa's room, where they were greeted by Inga.
"Abbot Inmee, Prosecutor Nahyuta! You don't know how much I appreciate you both coming down here."
"Do not worry, Minister Inga. It is our duty as servants to Her Holiness to expel evil wherever it may lurk. Now, what has happened to Her Benevolence that has caused you such distress?" Tahrust calmly asked, his stoic form a direct contrast to Inga's jittery, distraught state.
"I don't know, Abbot Inmee. All I know is that this morning, Rayfa went from being my kind and refined daughter to some creature with mood swings that constantly yells at me and throws things! I think that she's being possessed by a demon of sorts. But she's the Holy Priestess, the crown princess of Khura'in and a decedent of the Holy Mother! Shouldn't she be immune to this sort of thing?" Inga asked.
Tahrust took a deep breath as he gently clasped his hands together. "One would think that; but remember this, Minister Inga: A demon gains victory not from conquering those that have already fallen, but by corrupting the souls of those who are pure- and the only person purer in soul than Her Benevolence is Her Eminence."
Let's see how pure you think that crone's soul is after I tell you about what she did to me last Wednesday… Inga rolled his eyes in contempt. "So, you think that you two can save my daughter?"
"Worry not, Minister Inga." Nahyuta replied with a confident grin. "While this putrid demon is strong in power, we are even stronger with our faith and devotion to the Holy Mother. Rest assured, we have brought several of the most potent scriptures in all of Khurai'inism and we shan't cease our theological attack on this putrid spirit until we send it back to the putrid dark pit in Hell from whence it came."
"Excellent. Good luck…" Inga snickered, making it hard to keep his stamp clenched between his teeth.
"Oh please, Minister Inga. He who has Her Holiness on their side does not need luck." Tahrust smugly commented before he and Nahyuta entered Rayfa's room, making sure to close the door behind them.
Once inside, the holy duo saw Rayfa's head sticking out of her shell of sheets, engrossed with watching an episode of The Plumed Punisher on a portable DVD player in front of her; but upon hearing the two men enter the room, she looked up to greet them.
"Abbot Inmee? Prosecutor Sahdmadhi? What are you two doing here?"
"Do not fear, Your Benevolence, for your father has summoned us here to rid you of the demon plaguing your soul." Tahrust replied.
"What!" Rayfa yelled. "My father thinks that I'm being possessed!? And you two nincompoops were foolish enough to believe him!? I'm half tempted to have you both excommunicated!"
Tahrust glanced over at Nahyuta. "It's worse than I thought. Prosecutor Sahdmadhi, start the Prayer of Preparation."
Nahyuta took out a scroll and flicked it open before chanting the prayer on it. "O Holy Mother, bless us, Your humble servants, with the wisdom, strength, and courage to rid Your Servant, Rayfa Padma Khura'in, of the demon that plagues her. Allow us to bring her back into Your righteous fold so that she may continue to serve You in her duties as Royal Priestess. And so…"
While Nahyuta preformed the chant, Tahrust performed a variety of meditative poses while chanting in Khura'inese. Though despite their best efforts, this only managed to enrage Rayfa, prompting her to finally leave her shell of sheets and hop off of her bed, revealing her Plumed Punisher pajamas.
"Stop it! I'm not possessed!" Rayfa yelled as she picked up her fallen curio cabinet and tossed the large piece of furniture at the two holy men.
"KAAAAAAH!" Tahrust bellowed as he punched the vanity cabinet, causing it to split in half and fall to the ground before it could harm him or Nahyuta. "Open your heart, Your Benevolence! Let the Holy Mother in! Let Her guide your soul back to purity!"
Rayfa flashed the two men a glare rivaling that of Dhurke's. "Oh, I'll give you guidance alright…" Rayfa picked up her ceremonial staff and pointed it at the two holy men. "Guidance to the Twilight Realm if you don't leave this instant!"
"Prosecutor Sahdmadhi, the demon is on the offensive! Use the Holy Rosary Constriction technique to restrain it!" Tahrust ordered.
Nahyuta threw his rosary so that it wrapped itself around Rayfa's torso, ensnaring her arms and stopping her in her tracks, and then performed a variety of hand gestures.
"Satora imaoman domosamashi detashinuke taregasayo sonoka!" Nahyuta chanted before clapping his hands together, causing the rosary to squeeze Rayfa's torso, which resulted in the princess screaming in agony.
"Good, Prosecutor Sahdmadhi. Now, while it is incapacitated, let us deal the coup de grace. Hand me the Prayer of Exorcism!" Nahyuta hands Tahrust a scroll, which he unrolls and proceeds to read. "O Holy Mother, with Your limitless strength and wisdom, expel this demon most vile from the body of your servant, Rayfa Padma Khura'in, and cast it back into the Infernal Abyss! Free this poor girl and we shall rejoice Your holy name-"
The prayer was interrupted when Rayfa, with a shrill shriek, managed to break free from Nahyuta's rosary and continued to slowly approach the two men while brandishing her staff.
"Abbot Inmee, it's broken free from its restraints! What shall we do now?"
"KAAAH! As much as I hate to say this, we cannot defeat this malevolent spirit at the moment. So let us retreat back to the temple so that we may come up with a new strategy!" Tahrust tried to open the door so that he and Nahyuta could escape, but much to their horror, the door would not open no matter how hard he tried.
"What in the name of the Holy Mother-" Tahrust grumbled as he jiggled the doorknob.
"Abbot Tahrust, we have to get out of here! Open the door!"
"KAAAH! Don't you see that I'm trying, Nahyuta!?" Tahrust looked behind him and Rayfa slowly getting closer to them. "Prosecutor Sahdmadhi, it's time to prove yourself as a monk by protecting your high priest!"
"What do you mean by-" Before Nahyuta could finish his question, Tahrust pushed him back towards Rayfa, allowing the temperamental princess to get close enough to start repeatedly bludgeoning him with her staff.
As Nahyuta's screams filled the air, Tahrust resumed with his attempts to try to open the bedroom door by jiggling the doorknob and pounding on the door.
"Minister Inga! Minister Inga! Help us! We're trapped in here! In the name of the Holy Mother, help us, Minister Inga, before- Aaaah!" Tahrust's pleas for help were interrupted by Rayfa proceeding to bludgeon him with her staff as well.
Meanwhile, outside the door, which Inga barred off with a bar stool from his daughter's kitchen as soon as Tahrust and Nahyuta entered the bedroom, the minister, hearing the distressed pleas of the holy men, decided to do the one thing that he vowed to never do unless absolutely necessary: Go on the internet for parenting tips.
And so, Inga quickly pulled out his laptop and searched the internet until he found a chatroom pertaining to fathers having issues with their daughters, www. .; and wasting no time, Inga went into the question submissions section and wrote the following response…
GrapeJuiceKing82: Hello, I normally don't go on websites like this, but I'm facing a serious crisis and need help. You see, in the course of a few hours, my beloved nine year-old daughter has transformed from the sweet angel she normally is into some kind of evil demon! She has developed mood swings and an insatiable appetite the likes no man has witnessed before and just lies in her bed, only lifting her head to yell. I've tried everything in my power to cure her- calmly talking to her, getting her whatever food she wants, etc.- but everything that I do only succeeds in getting her angrier to the point of throwing things like the Hulk! I've just sent a high priest and a monk into her room to cure her, but from the sound of it, they'll be lucky to get outta there alive! My servants and subordinates have all fled the area out of fear, her mother's out for diplomatic reasons, and I have no idea what's wrong with my daughter and am fearing for my life! HELP!
Fortunately for Inga, mere minutes after submitting his issue, he was sent a reply by a user known simply as ACE-, which went as follows…
ACE: Number one, I suggest you begin charting down which days of the month your daughter's demon moods seem to spawn going forward and expect this to occur on average between every 28 to 35 days for at least another 30 to 40 years! That's right, what your princess is experiencing is known as Nature's Fury, which is most man's nightmare. Rest assured, it does ebb a bit once it actually rears its ugly head and it is the threat of the storm itself which is the most terrifying and can occur anywhere from one to two weeks prior to the main event. That being said, I also suggest you invest in very high-end protective gear for any part of your body you are particularly fond of- whether that would be a chest plate for your abdominal region, as my best friend received a spinning kick in that area; but most importantly, your man parts, as I assume you may want to have more children in the future and they are subject to becoming victimized in the crossfire at times. Unfortunately, no matter how religious the zealot, there is no cure for this... I suggest you instead send them out to get whatever products women use for this time of the month and have a heavy arsenal. I also suggest that if you do not wish to explain the finer details, download something from the internet to enclose with the products as their time of need will be coming soon. My last bit of advice is to keep a loving and cool temperament, always have ice cream handy, prepare for your food budget to go through the ceiling especially with junk food, and agree with everything they say- no matter how insane. Trust me... I have two daughters. Fate decided to laugh at me and let them become woman at precisely the same time. However, I did manage to survive it and I promise you will too. Best of luck GrapeJuiceKing82.
Upon seeing this reply, Inga's eyes widened as he finally figured out why Rayfa had been behaving so strangely. "She has PMS!? Wait, so not all women going through their monthly cycles strictly turn into sexual predators who relentlessly stalk their poor husbands? Only my wife? Figures…" Inga grumbled to himself. "Still, I don't know anything about those products. All I know is that tampons have those little wing-things on 'em. That, and I can't afford to be seen out in public buying feminine body products. What kind of image would that send out? I can imagine the headlines now: 'Mighty Minister of Justice Inga Karkhuul Khura'in Knows His Way around a Pad!' I could imagine the smug look on Dhurke's stupid face when he'd see that. I would instantly lose all of my intimidation tactics! So how can I- Of course!
Inga rushed over to Rayfa's door, removed the stool, and opened the door, allowing Tahrust and Nahyuta to drag their battered, bruised bodies out of the room before the minister quickly closed the door.
"Do not worry, Minister Inga. The demon stopped its assault on us after we decided to play dead. Though it is a shame that we couldn't help Her Benevolence." Tahrust stated with a look of disappointment in his eyes.
"Oh, I wouldn't say that just yet, Abbot Inmee…" Inga replied with a sinister smirk on his face.
At the bazaar, Tahrust and Nahyuta stared at the feminine products booth with a shared look of dread.
"Abbot Inmee, this is insane! We may have pledged our lives to Her Holiness, but this…!?" Nahyuta whimpered.
Tahrust placed a firm hand on Nahyuta's shoulder and let out a long sigh. "Nahyuta, I am not going to lie; this will be an awkward, torturous, humiliating experience that shall haunt us until our deaths. But rest assured, the Holy Mother will remember this sacrifice and shall repay us tenfold in the next life. Not to mention, the Holy Mother was gracious enough to provide us the Hymn of Sorrow for just such an occasion. So hand me the scroll, Prosecutor Sahdmadhi."
Nahyuta handed Tahrust a scroll, which he opened and both men proceeded to read.
"Holy Mother, take the reins, Take them from my hands, 'cause I can't do it on my own. I'm letting go…!" The two holy men sullenly sang in unison as they walked up to the female products booth.
Later that night, donned in the best police gear that he could borrow, Inga, with the help of several internet guides, taught Rayfa how to use the feminine products that Tahrust and Nahyuta purchased; and just like ACE stated, Rayfa's mood swings got a bit better and Inga was actually able to leave without having any furniture thrown at him and only being ordered to bring his daughter a few bags of potato chips.
After bringing Rayfa her order of chips and saying good night, Inga proceeded to head back to his private quarters for some much needed shuteye.
I did it… I survived the turmoil of Rayfa entering into womanhood. On that topic, what's today? The 14th? Oh goodie, Rayfa's time of the month syncs-up with Ga'ran's. That'll be a fun time… NOT! Thank the Holy Mother that Ga'ran's getting back from her diplomatic trip tomorrow morning, otherwise I'd have to deal with HER hormones as well.
When Inga entered his dark private quarters, he closed the door and turned on the light, only to scream in terror at sight of Ga'ran, in her prosecutor's outfit and armed with her paddle, lying on his bed and giving him a 'come hither' look.
"Oh, husband, I could not bear to be apart from you any longer, so I decided to return home a little early…" Ga'ran got off the bed and sauntered over to Inga, whose eyes were widening in fear. "So allow me to take you to my Court of Resignation…" The queen purred, smacking Inga's tushie with her paddle to emphasize her point.
"NO!" Inga screamed as he ran to his door, but in a sick karmic fashion, the door would not open for him, not matter what he tried.
"No! No! Nooo! Help! Help! Holy Mother, if you can hear me, smite me with thunder and lightning! I've been a bad, baaad man who- Aaaah! No-oooo-oooooooo!" Inga wailed as Ga'ran dragged him, kicking and screaming, back to his bed where she proceeded to do many unspeakable acts to the minister of Justice for several hours.
Meanwhile, outside Inga's private quarters, Tahrust and Nahyuta were standing by the door, which they had blocked off with a chair, and were laughing at Inga's pain.
"Abbot Inmee, will the Holy Mother be upset that we took the path of vengeance against Minister Inga? I know that he left us to suffer at the hand of the demon possessing Her Benevolence, but isn't what we left him with is so much worse?" Nahyuta pondered.
"KAAAH! Let Minister Inga reap what he sowed! He refused to help us in our time of need, so we shall not help him in his. And while the Holy Mother has immense patience, even she will not condone a member of the royal family abandoning Her most faithful."
As Inga's screams filled the air, Nayna walked through the moonlit courtyard and gazed at Inga's private quarters. "Yeah, reeeal fearless, Inga." Nayna sneered as she continued her walk, uttering one last 'nincompoop' under her breath before she entered the palace.