Two Truths and A Lie

by SmallSound

Heero and Duo find some time to assess their relationships while alone on a cleaning shuttle during a cleaning mission in the L3 sector. Mostly a character exploration, 1x2 potentially 1x2x3 in the future.

4. Chapter 4

A/N: Hey! So this chapter is kind of a beast, it took me a lot of edits and a lot of re-thinking how I want to display the intricacies of new relationships and all that. Also I'm doing my undergrad on the quarter system so that kinda take priority. If you don't know the quarter system it's 10 weeks of screaming, one week of breathing and then you do it all over again. Except during summer where you're just tossed on the ennui pile and you get to re-inflate for several months.

A/N2: THANK YOU SFA you make me laugh with your editing notes and encourage me to focus on actual work. I'm so glad you contacted me all those months ago.

A/N3: Please! Comment! I love comments! They make me happy, they encourage me to keep going, I'm doing this predominantly for myself but it's obviously for ya'll as well or I'd just keep it in my notebooks.

A/N4: Oh man I made a tumblr: GodOfAllEyeTeeth because I thought it would be good to keep anyone who's interested up to date on what's going on story-wise, why I'm slowing down, all that stuff. Naked model gifs for "research". Add me! Talk to me, send me dumb stuff, I love dumb stuff.

Two Truths and A Lie

Ch 4

"-should program bocce ball!" A cheerful woman finished exclaiming as Heero pressed the accept call button on the comm centre's main vidscreen. She was young, around Heero and Duo's age, with bright copper red hair and a light smattering of freckles across her aristocratic nose, which wrinkled when she smiled wide as she was currently. The woman was looking- presumably at someone- off screen but quickly looked back at the screen, and Heero was struck by how light green her eyes were, they were almost a sort of pastel mint shade. He briefly wondered if her family had practiced genetic engineering at some point in the past, but knew better than to think on it, it was a part of human history rife with controversy and no one appreciated being confronted about their family's possible involvement in what was largely a temporary re-birth of eugenics. "Oh! Hail!" The bright eyed woman gave Heero the same open, smiling expression she had offered to her crew mate. "Engineering here, just letting you know we're about twenty minutes out, we have your aft booster replacement and some extra provisions, looking forward to docking with you!" She announced in a cheery sing-song voice. A split second passed and a small look of surprise passed her face before she spoke up again. "Oh! This is Alice Rosalie with the engineering team, sorry! Nice to meet you!"

"This is Heero Yuy, from the GL-X96, we will proceed with docking protocol in T-minus 15 minutes," Duo couldn't help but roll his eyes at his partner's typical monotone response, he could almost hear a note of consternation in it, imagined the perfect soldier didn't approve of how casual and chipper the woman was. With a smirk he leaned over in his seat beside Heero so his head was maybe an inch from the other man's, noting how Heero tensed and nearly turned towards him but instead clenched his jaw and leaned away slightly so that now Duo was almost perfectly centered on the vidscreen.

"Hey Alice! I was wondering if they'd put you on this job," He said, almost matching the red headed woman's cheeriness. It was Heero's turn to roll his eyes. Of course Duo knew the seemingly only other chipper person at Preventer.

"Hi Duo! Tent's here too! We were just talking about trying to program bocce ball into the AR system we brought, it's pretty cool, Tony helped us write the program for croquet," Heero stood up and stepped away from the comm center, letting Duo take his seat as the long haired man chatted amicably with Alice and what was apparently a whole shipload of his friends coming to visit. The thought tugged at Heero, bothered him with a discomfort not unsimilar to the dread he felt after his botched attempt at deep throating when he was sure he'd pushed Duo away completely. They were going to have the two ships docked for a while during repairs, and that meant he and Duo would have to be mindful of how they acted around each other.

When Duo logged off from the call he felt excited to finally have more company. Not that things were especially bad with Heero, but it had been weeks, and before they had discovered their mutual attraction it wasn't the most eventful of missions either of them had been on. Not to mention that moment had been fairly isolated, seeing as once they had gone through that sleep cycle it was only a ten hour wait until the engineering crew arrived so they had both been busy with basic maintenance. But now a few people Duo knew from hanging out in the hangar, helping to repair or tune whatever was in the shop, were going to be around for a few days- maybe even a week, and the thought made the L2 native feel a little less stir crazy.

"Hey, Heero!" He called out, getting up from the comm center and walking the short hallway to the docking station where, sure enough, he found his stoic partner triple checking everything even though they still had eight minutes or so before they had to start docking procedures. "You ever played croquet?" Duo asked, striding up beside him and leaning against the wall just beside the open panel the other agent was running a check on.

"No, I'm not really interested in playing games," Heero responded bluntly, resetting a few switches before closing the panel. As he stepped away Duo placed a hand on the shorter man's shoulder and leveled a playful look of consternation at him, the left corner of his mouth lifted in a small smirk.

"You're not gonna be like this the whole time are ya, 'Ro?" The taller man teased, standing up and placing his other hand on Heero's other shoulder, gently encouraging his partner to face him. "C'mon, you and I both know you have more people skills than this, and they're nice, plus, aren't you glad there's gonna be more going on here than boring ol' mine sweeping for a bit? We get to check out a whole new ship and hang out with other people," He smiled, taking his hands off his partner's shoulders and placing them on his hips, noting how the other man didn't meet his gaze, opting instead to look off to the side with a frown.

"I was fine with this mission, I'm sorry if you're bored," Heero muttered almost inaudibly, turning away from Duo again. He knew the other man wasn't trying to goad him but it was like Heero needed to find something wrong with everything Duo said, like the idea of more people was a threat to whatever it was Heero wanted to protect. On some level he seemed convinced that this engineering rendezvous was going to push his new lover away from him.

"Hey," Noting the serious tone of his voice, Heero looked at his fellow agent who was now wearing an expression of concern. Somehow that hurt even more than his insecure thoughts. Duo glance off to the side, his brow furrowed and he let out a sigh before locking eyes with the other man again with a look of determination. "I wanna figure this out too, but right now isn't the time, ok?"

Heero's shoulders slumped a bit and he ran a hand over his face. "I know," He sighed, looking almost tired. He closed his eyes and tried to re-center his thoughts on work, on what had to be done next. The sudden, soft press of lips on his own, Duo's scent, the warmth of him swallowed up Heero's thoughts and he opened his arms to the other man as they embraced, sharing a long, deep kiss before Duo stepped away, holding Heero at arms length with a smirk.

"Much better," The long haired man said happily before turning to look at the closed dock. "They should be here any minute," Heero returned a small smile before nodding in agreement, his previous fears laid to rest as he concentrated on the lingering sensation of Duo's lips on his, on the taste of him.

The engineering ship was nearly double the size of the GL-X96 and a much more recent model, meaning it made the crew feel less like they were in the way of the ship's insides and more like they were in a flying apartment. There was even faux wood-inset furniture built in to the dining/common room area. It wasn't without its more pragmatic areas- it was predominantly outfitted to be a small moving repair shop. The majority of the ship wasn't sectioned off the way Heero and Duo's small shuttle was, rather the docking area had one bay door between it and a large, open workshop that had access panels covering most of the walls, floor and ceiling. Cleverly hidden tools and tables that pulled out of the walls, cabinets containing carefully organized special instruments meant for large-scale repairs and all-out custom creation of smaller machine parts. Each panel and cabinet-like door labeled and color coded in soft, calming hues, picked for their easily distinguished coloring and un-abrasive visual nature. The quiet and control exuded by the ergonomic interior of the engineering ship was intended to be accommodating, but teetered on eerie. The main hull of the ship was dedicated to living space, the repair area, a workout room, and a small greenhouse made for use on much longer trips. The rear of the ship was actually a unit addition, much like the trailer of a freighter truck, though it attached to the frame of the ship in such a way that it looked to always be a part of it, and it also connected to the system of the ship and carried its own engine so it could be piloted from the main body, ensuring it kept maneuverability. They were only used in specially cleared routes still, being unable to navigate areas thick with debris or left over space mines.

The engineering team was just as amicable in person as they had been over the vidcom. Alice, the assistant tech, lead the introductions, exuberant and sincere, she seemed to have a particular gift for shining a light on people's strengths and shared interests. Jedd, the head technician could have been called her exact opposite, tall, muscular and weathered they were a much quieter presence, though Heero noticed they made an effort not to look imposing. The slight limp in their walk and their pattern of speech hinted at a previous military career.

Tent, science officer, who stood at much the same height as Jedd (almost 6'3"), was wiry and seemed to always wear an expression of surprise. Their attitude, though friendly, almost verged on skittish, but they quickly opened up when talking about the 3D printer they'd brought along. Makisha, the assistant engineer, was only slightly younger than Tent and Jedd. She had a sort of disaffected nature which Alice quickly explained as introversion, promising that the other woman would be perfectly amenable to working with everyone, but may not make too much small talk or socialize too much "she takes a long time to open up, so don't take it personal" the redhead had promised Heero and Duo with a bright smile.

Of course Tony, the head engineer needed no introduction. He came into the small shuttle with none of the awkwardness that Duo had remembered from their shower encounter and gave him a firm handshake, as well as a look that the long haired man would have dismissed out of hand if he didn't know any better. Heero had offered the head engineer a greeting that, although subdued, was actually kinder than Duo had anticipated, but, the L2 native figured, they were close enough to talk shop occasionally. And, he couldn't help but think, trying his best to keep a straight face as the two spoke briefly, for Tony to admit a few things to the stoic agent.

Once introductions were done, all seven of them agreed it was time to start working. The engineering team was projecting they would only need to be there for about three or four work cycles and they were keen not to 'overstay their welcome' as Tony put it with a rakish smile he aimed predominantly at Duo.

"You're shit's pre-war, it's ancient and weird," Jedd's personality was uncannily similar to Heero's, their deadpan tone and expression rivaled the perfect soldier's own. Being on the receiving end of it felt weirdly accusatory, as if Heero had been in charge of picking out their transport for the mission and now had to answer for the crime of being in an old shuttle.

"We know, Jedd," Duo responded after a beat where Heero just stared at them, unsure of how to respond, and offered them a replacement wire for the booster frame they'd been working on before Heero had come in to ask for a status update so he could report back to HQ. Duo had warned Heero that Jedd could be a little unnerving at first, but assured his partner that they weren't as humorless as they seemed. Being face-to-face with someone as straightforward and stoic as himself gave the ex-pilot some pause. Maybe being 'to-the-point' wasn't the best way to maneuver most social interactions in non-life threatening situations. It was certainly something to consider, he thought, watching Duo roll his eyes good naturedly as he stood next to them.

"I'll let HQ know," Heero said in a dry tone, quirking an eyebrow at Duo who shot him back a wry grin.

"Ha!" Jedd turned towards Duo and grabbed the proffered item from his hands. It was a huge 3-foot bundle of wire encased in safety-orange rubber with capped ends about two inches in diameter. They turned back to their work and Duo stepped away, zipping his space suit back up as he got ready to leave the workshop again to help Tony and Tent re-set half of the frame they had fixed first.

"I love antiques!" Tent called from the other end of the workshop where they were waiting to input the new measurements they'd gotten for the frame into the 3D printer. Alice stood beside them, re-checking the print head alignment before letting it run. She elbowed them as they both laughed a little at the declaration.

"Hey, these things have a lot of history, I bet this shuttle was transporting goods when the gu-" Alice's expression went from her typical bright slightly excited expression to wide-eyed concern as she looked at Heero and then Duo as her unfinished sentence lingered in the sudden silence.

"I mean, we were a little more careful than that," Duo's joke cut through the tension before it could solidify and Alice visibly relaxed, offering him an apologetic smile to which the former terrorist responded with a charming little smirk.

Work cycles went by easily enough, everyone having their assignments for the cycle settled in the first few minutes. Duo, Tony and Jedd, being the most practiced in the physical labor of refitting spent most of their time out at the empty booster frame, measuring, aligning and checking what parts they needed (the big issue being wire caps that were no longer in production had to be molded). Alice and Makisha worked on creating said parts on the 3D printer, taking the measurements the three came back with and recreating what was needed in prototypes that then had to be compared and adjusted, and Heero and Tent worked on the sections of the booster frame that connected the booster to the shuttle that had to be worked on inside the engineering ship.

The frame sections sat in the center of the work space, giant arches of metal suspended by wires that came down from the ceiling and held it with robotic "claws", multi-jointed hooks that could close around the diameter of the frame in complementary shapes, ensuring that it wasn't warped by its own weight. When Heero had offered to work with Tent, they had excitedly pointed to the hooks and showed him how they closed like gentle, reverent hands around the frame. Through the hours Heero found that Tent often anthropomorphised tools, often referring to them as emotional projections. The "reverent claws" held the frame, the powertools "hounded the screws" and, Heero's personal favorite, "these weird little metallic hairs like just freak out and stick to everything, then you solder them down until they just chill out and become one with the frame". It was all curiously poetic, and the stoic L1 soldier found it appealing in a way he hadn't expected. It added life to the hyper-detailed work they had to do, fixing and unwarping frame sections to perfect accuracy, making sure the hinged sections that allowed the booster to move were reshaped and smooth.

Having such particular work to do meant there wasn't too much talking between the four coworkers in the workspace, so when Duo, Tony and Jedd would come back in they brought with them a juxtaposition of social noise as they continued conversations they'd carried on outside while they either replaced or removed parts of the frame, measured, and occasionally removed debris from the meteor collision that hadn't picked up enough momentum to flee the scene. Tiny pebbles, "things like a grain of sand," Jedd had explained as the trio walked in from the dock once, "those are the tricky bastards, the ones that fuck everything up when they get moving". Something about the statement rang symbolically true to the perfect soldier as he saw Tony and Duo converse, exchange jabs, learning to move around each other, becoming more and more comfortable.

Makisha let Alice take her plate and empty water bottle away after dinner without much more acknowledgment than a nod. The redhead didn't seem to mind, she wore a contented smile as she and Heero took on the task of cleaning up. Jedd and Tent were already gone, having eaten quickly in order to return to the engineering room to do another system check on the new booster. Tony had worked up Duo's interest in the AR system during dinner and they had immediately stood to look at it once they finished eating. Tony had managed to install the interface in a customizable panel just beside the doorway to the ship's sleeping quarters only a few feet from the communal area.

Heero found himself glancing at the two men as he took his and Duo's plates and drink cans to the trash area before Alice corrected him gently, pointing out that they had a sterilizer just behind where the trash and recycling shoots were. It was a whole prep area, unlike in their small ship that had the meal prep lining the walls around the table, this ship had something like an open kitchen-dining room in a house. It was like being on a luxury space cruise. As he placed the plates in the sanitizer Heero heard Duo laugh behind him and he looked over his shoulder to see Tony pointing at something inside an open panel that Heero couldn't see.

"Heero, have you played croquet before?" Alice asked him in a bright tone as they both stood at the island counter that had the recycling and trash shoot built into it. The island marked the only considerable divide in the room between the food prep area and the common area, where the wall on one side of it had the microwave, plate sanitizer and rehydrator embedded in it and the other wall was lined with cubbies and the lower half bubbled out into a sleek, curved couch with cushions that looked equal parts comfortable and sterile.

"Not really," Heero responded with disinterest as he looked around the room. All of the wires were mindfully tucked away, there were touch screens and motion scanners instead of toggles and switches like in the older models, and even then the predominant style was quiet, simple, ergonomic. It was made to keep work 'out there'. He much preferred the wires and switches, the occasional metal replacement panel, it reminded him, at least vaguely, of being in a cockpit, in his element.

Instead he felt a sense of loss as he watched Duo and Tony move around the dining room table, Tony pointing out a near-invisible line in it, explaining to the violet-eyed man beside him that it had a small hydraulic system and could compact to make space for other activities- it could completely sink into the floor or only part of it could be lowered, as the chief engineer now revealed, tapping a haptic button underneath the table so that two-thirds of it sunk into the floor at a leisurely pace, leaving only the end of the table that Makisha was occupying as she fiddled single-mindedly with a logic puzzle, completely unperturbed by the sudden loss of table space. Duo, on the other hand was clearly amused by the ingenuity and consideration of the piece. And Tony watched him with a tender sort of smile that Heero couldn't help but feel himself bristle at.

"Well, Tony plays like a weasel so why don't we team up on him, yeah? Two-on-two?" Alice leaned close to Heero and whispered to him in a mock-conspiratorial tone that the stoic L1 spacer found a little endearing. She was trying to welcome him into their social space and it was appreciated. Without pulling his gaze from Tony, Heero nodded with a small 'hn' which seemed to appease Alice and they both finished sorting out the trash and recycling before reconvening with their coworkers.

"Alright, ship against ship," Tony said with a playful smirk, clapping his hands together as Heero came to stand beside Duo, with the braided man on his left and Alice on his right.

"Actually I've conscripted Heero already," The assistant tech said cheerily, placing a hand on her hip and giving the chief engineer a look of mock-haughtiness. "And we're going to beat you," She added for good measure.

Tony let out a loud and easy laugh at his coworker's declaration, beside him Duo chuckled, his eyes dancing with some of the competition Heero recognized from when the L2 pilot would challenge him to 'games' during missions they shared together. How it had been so unexpectedly appealing to be in competition with the other teenage terrorist, especially once he found Duo to be an excellent pilot. Now the odd lightness of the memory struggled with the jealousy in the perfect soldier's gut as he noticed that Tony was receiving that look of playful mirth and the two of them were much more at ease around each other than Heero had ever felt around anyone. A small part of Heero's brain pointed out that Tony had dimples, and somehow that made things worse.

"You're never gonna just let me win at something, are you, Alice?" Heero watched as Tony stepped over to the AR interface and tapped through a menu with one hand and brought up the map for the croquet court. A second later a full-length court appeared, clipping through Makisha's left leg and the island at certain points, one wicket protruding from the the assistant engineer's lower calf like some bizarre piercing, a sliver of wicket peeking out of one wall of the island. The court blinked and in a split second righted itself so it one end began on the furthest side of the table, between it and the couch and curved around the island so that from where the four Preventers stood (and Makisha sat) it disappeared.

"Well that wouldn't be fun, would it, 'Tone Bone'?" Duo demurred, his blue-violet eyes dancing playfully as he watched the man beside him frown at the sound of his nickname.

"Don't call me that," He groused, though the playful upturn of his lips betrayed the engineers true feelings as he ran a hand self-consciously through his dark curls. With an almost absent minded movement he brought the same hand down to a clenched fist at his hip and a mallet materialized in it, seeming to pierce through the center of his curled fingers. "Croquet mallet black," his tone of voice was the particular flat declaration used to convey instructions to AI, and sure enough several black bands appeared around the top of the handle and the mallet head. Tony looked at Duo with an almost sheepish, lopsided grin and explained, "I'm always black," before telling the AR system who the teams were as everyone else followed suit and called their own mallets. Heero and Alice decided to be blue, at Alice's suggestion.

As they played through their horseshoe-style court Alice explained all the rules and some terms to Duo and Heero while Tony filled them in on all the tricks they could play to undermine their opposition. Both ex-pilots found the blocking and sabotage tactics appealing, and caught on to the fact that this was the game beneath the rules quickly. On their second play through the game was much more infused with subterfuge as the two young men learned how to bounce, rocket and knock one another off court.

Croquet, Heero concluded, was an ok game. He understood why it had lasted in human memory for so long, it was simple and allowed for a lot of foul play, which, in his experience, was something human beings seemed to thrive on. The last part of his conclusion had a somewhat bitter note to it as he watched Tony place his foot on both croquet balls, and was now calmly measuring a shot to the black one that, when he landed it, shot the blue orb rocketing off towards the couch where it faithfully responded to the physical parameters and 'bumped' against the wall beside the piece of furniture and rolled back towards the court, stopping just inches from a wicket Alice had already passed it through several shots ago.

"Oh my god, Tony we will be here all night," The assistant tech groaned, her shoulders dropping as she let her head hang back, a look of mild exhaustion on her face. She gave Heero a side glance to gauge his reaction, noting that he was staring at their ball with a look of consternation, lips tight as he looked from it to the curve of the court around the island.

"Maybe not, but only because they're going to win again," The stoic agent concluded, a hint of annoyance in his voice. He couldn't help but notice as Tony threw an arm around Duo's shoulders at his words and the pair of them exchanged grins.

"Well then maybe we should call it a night," Duo joked, stepping up to the black ball and knocking it towards a center wicket, the ball just passing through it and coming to rest barely half an inch past the little iron-looking frame.

"Aw, don't say that, you never know, they could come up with some crazy ploy to get…" Tony made a point of physically counting the wickets that lay between the two teams. "one...two...three goals all in one shot," he laughed a little. "Crazier things have happened,"

Crazier things did not happen that night. When Heero and Alice finally made up their third goal, Tony graciously offered the chestnut haired L2 pilot his own shot at the winning wicket and with great, mock aplomb the two won. Amidst their small celebration, consisting of a high five and Tony very pointedly adding the game to his running tally of which games he had won against Alice during their trip Heero felt like something was sinking into his stomach. Watching Tony pull out four beers from the fridge and offering them all a nightcap as Makisha stepped out of the room with a murmured 'goodnight', the perfect soldier suddenly felt a special sort of exhausted. He was done playing, he was done being on the ship, he was bitterly done watching Tony and Duo get closer and closer in such a natural way that it reminded Heero he wasn't like them. With a shake of his head, Heero rejected his coworker's offer and excused himself back onto the other ship.

Duo watched the change come over his partner, how his eyes grew dark and his lids lowered and it stung him with the realization that Heero was struggling with this new aspect of their relationship. He couldn't pull away from the situation though, as he gladly accepted the glass bottle the chief engineer held out to him, but he watched with some concern as Heero headed out of the common room. Still, he thought with some guilt, he couldn't chase after the other man, it would raise questions. He let Tony remove the cap on his beer and cheersed with the other two Preventers.

"Heero?" There was no response, just the background hum of electronics buzzing through the small shuttle as Duo walked through the docking area, into the hallways. The door to the exercise room was open and he found Heero silently doing bench presses on the bench under the weight cage in the far left corner of the moderately small room. It looked like the weight room at a mid-ranking hotel mixed with the aesthetics of a hospital room, clean white walls with little paneling and gym equipment bolted to the floor and walls where appropriate. The other man was facing away from him so Duo stepped into the room with purpose, knowing that Heero had probably heard him and came up on his partner's right side, staying clear of the barbell as it rose and fell. "Hey, you alright?" The former god of death couldn't help but let some concern come through in his voice as he looked down at the other man. Heero's expression was blank, focused only on the task at hand, he made no indication that he even knew Duo was in his line of sight until he completed his set and placed the barbell back on the rack.

"I'm fine," Duo couldn't help but snort at the curt response and moved to sit on the bench where Heero's head had been when his partner sat up.

"You don't have to lie to me, 'Ro," The taller man tried to make his voice gentle, he watched as his silent partner stood up and began pulling the weights off the bar, organizing them on the pegs and clipping them into place. Nothing worse than having a bunch of weighted plates floating into sensitive machinery during a gravity engine malfunction. "I could see you getting upset at the end of the game," Duo pressed when Heero refused to answer him.

"I'm a bad loser," He responded flatly, not looking at the other man.

"Aside from that though, I mean, you're friends with Tony, you know how he is," Duo could see his attempt at humor fall flat as Heero's shoulders visibly tensed at his words.

"He's our coworker," The dark eyed man stated in what would have been a monotone if it weren't for the defensive edge to his voice.

At that Duo let out a frustrated sigh and stood up, placing himself in Heero's direct line of sight and forcing him to make eye contact. "Stop it,"

"He's nice, he's smart, you get along with him, and with Alice and with Tent and Jedd and everyone you meet," Heero looked past Duo before stepping around him and walking to the doorway. "I don't," The hint of defeat in his voice made Duo's stomach drop as he watched the shorter man disappear around the corner, his messy hair almost hiding the hurt look in his eyes. Duo turned the idea over in his head, teeth worrying his lower lip as he thought on what seemed wrong with Heero's statement. There was a whole world of things he could think of but couldn't quite put words to, and he could understand how the other man felt that way. He thought back to their second game of the night and a few things clicked in his head. With a small rush of adrenaline, Duo strode out of the small gym and rounded the corner only to find Heero was already in his bunk, the keypad on his door showing a small red light. Locked.

"Hey!" The former god of death shouted at the locked door and rapped the cold metal with the back of his fist. "That's not fair, Heero, Alice has been trying to get you to open up all night, and Tony might be flirty but he was definitely happy to see you, this isn't a one-way street y'know, you gotta be a little more friendly with people sometimes, hell that's all I'm doing, it's just-" The door unlocked with a small beep and opened putting Heero and Duo face-to-face at the doorway, the shorter L1 colonist glaring up at the slightly taller L2 native.

"I know," Heero bit out, crossing his arms over his chest, deep blue eyes boring into Duo's indigo ones. "I get it, stop reminding me that I'm terrible at this," He nearly growled out, a small flush coming across his face.

"I- I didn't mean it like...Heero, c'mon," Duo reached a hand out and placed it on his partner's upper arm, his expression full of genuine concern. It was a look the other man had no idea how to respond to, so instead he cast his eyes down and stepped away from the taller man, his arms falling to his sides as he went to sit on foot of his bed.

"I can't talk to people the way you do, I get it, and I can see people trying their best with me but it-" He gave a small, frustrated sigh, shook his head a little, "it doesn't make sense in the moment, small talk just comes off as annoying, that whole game was just annoying, I didn't want any of it, I just wanted to come back here…" His voice trailed off and he looked almost helplessly at Duo for a second before scowling at the floor in front of him.

"Heero…" Duo sighed and stepped into the room, sitting down next to the shorter man, their shoulders bumping together. "I get it, it's fine, I just…" He scratched at the back of his head, trying to figure out what to say next, how to express his understanding, his desire for Heero to see he wasn't unwelcome. "I'm sorry, I know this isn't your thing, socializing," He leaned against the other man gently, trying to coax him out of his shell. "I was glad you stayed though," Duo's voice was barely more than a whisper and he smiled when Heero lifted his head to look him in the eye, his gaze searching.

"I feel like an idiot," Heero's voice was just a murmur, he sounded so tired.

"Welcome to the club," Duo smirked before leaning in and stealing a kiss.

It was enough, just then, to let Heero offer a small smile, hug Duo and watch him leave for his own bunk, leaving him to shed his boots, jumpsuit, undershirt, thinking as long as Duo wanted him things were good. In the dark, in his bunk, Heero's thoughts slipped away from the temporary euphoria of the interaction and he found himself touching his lips with the tips of his fingers as a greedy ache welled up in his chest turning the space around him into a tangible litote. It was the absence of touch, of blue-violet eyes and warm breath. The words "I was glad you stayed" already a promise that the feeling was past tense.

Duo never promised anything, and Heero understood why; it made no sense for either of them to plan ahead when most of their lives had been less lived and more survived. But the fact that he couldn't touch or expect to be wanted by the other former pilot, that they couldn't place a definition on their relationship, that they had to hide it, even if it never developed, even if Heero woke up the next day and was greeted by a Duo who chose to ignore the whole thing (and that very real possibility of abandonment caused his heart to lurch and skip horribly in his throat) almost made him sick. Almost made him sit up, almost made him walk the length of the common space to stand at the other man's door. Almost, but the desire to do so was tightly constricted by the thought of pushing him away. It froze him in place as the feeling crept around under his skin, re-shaping his body, curling it in as if to try and touch itself as much as possible. Was this what his therapist meant by 'touch starved'? She had suggested it was a potential reaction to years of isolation strictly defined by not making relationships. His heart jumping into his throat as Heero thought of being rejected and settling again at the promising memories of kindness, being held, being able to kiss back. The whole silent ordeal ran through him over and over until finally, at some unknown hour, he was too exhausted to stay awake and drifted off to a fitful sleep.

With a small sigh, Duo left Heero's bunk, the door closing behind him, and went over to the com center to check the systems. Sure enough, he noticed with a small, tired, half-smile, Heero had already run checks for the night. He thought briefly about going back to the other ship where everyone would probably still be winding down for the night, but he felt odd about it. He'd already said goodnight and now the openness of the moment was restless. Having stepped away from everyone for the time being, his escape secured - that valued exit -suddenly felt different. There was a genuine expectation of 'tomorrow', of re-establishing ties. Now he was only pushing away the future on his own, and it was clear no one else was thinking of tomorrow as uncertain and therefore unrestricted by routine and relationships.

As the former terrorist mulled over his thoughts he walked through the shuttle, idly placing a hand on an unpainted metal panel or a piece of equipment, tracing the labels on inset cabinet doors. What do you do when you have to plan without an immediate goal? To think about the future? When staying in one place is not just a real option, but expected? What could he offer to Heero when he knew the other man wanted more from him than he knew how to give? What did he want from Heero?

The last question found Duo back in front of Heero's door, unconsciously worrying his lower lip with his teeth as he stared at the door frame. The lock with the green light gently glowing on it. He could breach goodnight, he could fit in Heero's bunk, he could want that. He did want that. Duo paused at the thought of giving in to the feeling, of beyond touching, of how he had told Heero he wanted to figure things out. He thought about how it had contented the other man to hear that, how it meant now he needed to figure things out. About how he couldn't, about how he balked at every definition he could think to put on what they were doing. About how every expectation each term brought with it weighed down on him, made him react viscerally with the desire to run. And the feeling of needing to run also scaring him, it was too much, he had too much to run from, to stay for. He was shaking, thinking about the future coming up behind him like a wave, fast, inescapable, inevitable. If it wasn't Heero it would be someone else (Tony came to mind) and someone else and someone else and someone else and they wouldn't all be like Hilde who had almost simultaneously felt the need to take a step back, get forced away from him by the war, then come back only just enough to be friends. He hadn't thought specifically about Solo in years, but the fear of that level of loss ran up his spine, got in his lungs, his teeth pressed into the softness of his tongue and he raised a hand to just graze Heero's door. Just barely heard himself whisper "Heero," to how closed it was, how just-far-away-enough he was.

"Heero?" He called out again, as if to ask the door every question on his mind in just two syllables. The door didn't respond and Duo found himself unable to open it. After a moment he forced himself, still shaking slightly, to step away. Running floated up from the tumult of his thoughts, the sea of anxiety offering up the word like an explanation and solution. Duo latched onto it, re-defining it on the spot as he walked to the small shuttle gym and looked at the treadmill. I can run, he thought, I can run, I don't have to leave. Within ten minutes he was changed into workout clothes -black trainers and shorts and an old grey tank top- and he began to run. He started slow, focused on his form, his breathing, kept a steady pace until his thoughts cleared and questions suddenly turned to him in unravelable dimensions he could answer, could almost watch them unwind.

The movement of running in and of itself became the platform of solution. Rather than the idea of getting away, Duo found himself working on the ideas of 'giving' versus 'taking', of desire for touch and the fear of promising himself to anyone became recognition, became a form of acceptance that ran with him. In the back and forth motion of his arms, the burning muscles of his thighs. The sensation-laden memory of his first kiss with Heero became the fire in his lungs, the erratic beating of his braid on his back as it swung behind him. This was the 'Duo', the two of his identity, the acceptance of loss, the carrying of respect for the ones he chose to survive with - the ones he now needed to live with. The runner's high eased him slowly out of his vicious cycle of fear and into a new mindset of determination. In his sinew he could hold it, in the push and pull of muscle, in constant motion he could live. He could run. He didn't have to leave.

The work cycles slipped by at a steady pace after that night. By the end of the engineering mission, Heero found himself remembering Tony as a friend and treating him as such. More importantly, he recognized the face, the overly suave, playful demeanor, the chief engineer was putting on for Duo. The tension faded from Heero's interactions with the crew and soon the wild haired agent was responding more openly to Alice's invitations to interact, the jokes that Tony, Duo and Jedd brought into the workshop with them. He became, as it was, part of the group and found, to his surprise, that Duo was right, it was a two-way street, and he had no trouble walking it.

Their last meal together was actually pleasant enough to be tinged with a bit of sadness that at the beginning of the next work cycle the engineering ship would be gone. At the end of the night, Heero challenged Tony and Alice to a ship-against-ship game of croquet and, using everything that the assistant tech and chief engineer had taught them, the two Preventer Agents had beat them soundly. A few celebratory beers later had found the two smiling as they went back to their small shuttle. When they were safely passed the docking bay, Duo had slipped an arm around the other man's waist and Heero found himself thinking it marked a turning point.

Highs only last so long, of course. Soon enough, the muscle twitch responses were back and Duo knew they dug at Heero. He tried his best to fight it, but his initial reactions were laying a clear groundwork. Part of him wondered, knots of dread twisting in his belly, if it was because he simply couldn't let anyone in, not even Heero. Duo hated to think how his fears would manifest when they got back to Brussels. He started running more, after every work cycle, he started trying to reach out more, when there was time, when he found he wanted to.

It was like dealing with a partially feral animal, Heero thought with some hurt. He had to be careful as they went about their duties on the shuttle, checking systems, passing each other in doorways. Heero had taken Odin's words to heart; he followed his emotions. And his emotions told him that when Duo was nearby, when there was no other priority, he should reach out to the other man, touch his hand or tuck an errant strand of hair behind his ear. But when he followed those little, innocuous thoughts- or at least he thought they were innocuous- he usually found that Duo flinched or started. And it hurt, of course it hurt, and the hurt mixed with his desire to be close to his partner and told Heero he was wrong for wanting. The doubt twisted around inside him, and it made everything surrounding what he and Duo had or did or...he didn't know, but it made everything murky and strange in a way Heero almost hated but mostly just feared. It made Duo far away, like a Sisyphean task, he wanted to get closer to the L2 native, but almost every attempt pushed him further away.

So Heero was left to stoically wallow in his new-found uncertainty until Duo came close of his own volition, with a smirk or a hand gently placed on his shoulder and dispeled, for a while, Heero's insecurity. Aside from those small moments where Duo silently acknowledged their shared interest in being closer, at least physically, there was their new routine. Heero found that the other man never flinched away from him after dinner, after a beer. Heero could place his hand on Duo's shoulder as he passed near his coworker while cleaning up and the taller man would react by placing his own hand on Heero's. Maybe even he would smoothly bring the perfect soldier's fingers towards his mouth and lick at the tip of his index finger, causing the sweet, warm sensation of arousal to pool up in Heero's belly and lead them both to one bunk or the other.

These two forms of interaction caught Heero in a dumb state when it came to confronting his partner, they did so little speaking now that they had this new form of interaction to explore that Heero almost felt it rude to interrupt everything and break the silence just to ask "what are we now?" or to bring up what protocol they should go through. Though he never thought it would apply to him, the perfect soldier had made himself acquainted with the Preventer code of conduct surrounding coworker relationships and knew it was required that he and Duo inform HR of their affair, regardless of whether or not it was one or two nights of 'intimate interactions of a sexual nature' or a proper, well-communicated relationship. But the thought of bringing any of that up never occurred during work when they both slipped so perfectly into platonic roles and when Duo touched Heero the idea of pushing him away with the term 'HR' was deeply unappealing to Heero. Eventually, he felt, it would be too much. So he lived for several work cycles with a new tenor of uncertainty painting the silence they made.

At least until Heero couldn't mask his discomfort anymore. It got to the point where the thrill of having sex became familiar enough that it didn't push out reality anymore, and even though he responded to, and even still wanted, every advance Duo made, the sex alone wasn't enough. The taller man noticed quickly enough his partner's mild reticence, when they moved from the table to Heero's bunk one night the downcast look that crossed the quiet soldier's face gave Duo pause and instead of guiding them both with lust and abandon to the bed he stopped, placed a hand on the other man's where it hung by his side and looked him in the eye. Heero's expression shifted subtly between confusion and mild anxiety at the action, but he held Duo's gaze, noting the look of genuine concern as he slipped his hand into his partner's.

"You ok?" Duo asked quietly, though he was sure he knew the answer.

Heero didn't answer immediately, he looked off to the side, despondent, his brow slightly furrowed. "We need to figure this out," the response was almost a murmur but Duo heard him well enough, and he shifted his weight from one foot to the other awkwardly, not knowing how to respond.

It wasn't a subject they could avoid forever, the former god of death knew it, though he had hoped they could put it off longer. At least until they returned to Earth. "Protocol," He sighed, taking the one small step back necessary to bump his legs against the edge of Heero's bed. Without letting go of his partner's hand, Duo sat down on the mattress gently tugging the shorter man down with him. Heero complied, sitting down next to his lover, a man he'd never thought he'd even be this close to.

"It's in place for a reason," He responded softly, as he rubbed the pad of his thumb absentmindedly over the softer skin on the back of Duo's hand, just a small back and forth stroke. Their clasped hands rested on Heero's thigh, and he shifted his to entwine their fingers. An act Duo responded to by giving a small squeeze. "It's a talk with Une, a report, we'll probably never be assigned to field missions in the same team again," He listed in a voice closer to his usual monotone, though there was a slight hint of regret in the last few words.

Duo untangled their fingers and shifted on the bed, not looking at Heero as he brought one long leg up and tucked it underneath himself, shoulders hunching in a bit as the L2 orphan placed his hands on his thighs. "I don't see why they have to know," He finally muttered, a distinct tone of bitterness in his voice as he scowled at the ground. "We're not fucking on the job, not endangering anyone, hell, this is just a shitty cleanup task, stupid busy work to keep us out of the field for a bit because Une thinks we both need a break, like she knows," He groused, letting out a little 'hmpf' that Heero couldn't help but smile at, just the slightest upturn of the corners of his mouth, nearly imperceptible.

"We might get fired if she finds out some other way," He reasoned, leaning a shoulder against the other man's in an imitation of how Duo tried to comfort him the first time they had stumbled into his bunk. He hoped it did as much to comfort his partner now as it had helped him then.

"Maybe," Duo conceded, looking over their touching shoulders at the steady but surprisingly warm gaze of his partner. He could swear Heero almost looked like he was smiling, and he was certainly more relaxed than he had been just a few moments ago, more relaxed than Duo felt now anyway. "Who says she's gonna find out though," He smirked, twisting his body so he was facing the other man and they kissed the same awkward way they had before. Or at least the angle was just as awkward, but the gesture was familiar, and Heero opened his mouth to the press of Duo's lips readily, their tongues meeting and twining before Duo sucked on his lower lip, causing the stoic pilot to sigh out a breath of air as they both shifted to better face each other.

It happened quickly, now that they knew how to move together, Duo always took the lead and Heero always responded, shifting them both from his position beneath the taller man, one hand automatically going to the base of Duo's skull to pull at the thick hair there where his braid was loose, his other hand sliding down the muscles of his partner's back, stopping to squeeze greedily at his ass before slipping to the front of Duo's jumpsuit to massage the growing erection.

At the same time Heero groped and pulled at him, the taller man moaned and ground his hips against his partner, running his own hands down the slighter man's frame, quickly unzipping the standard issue jumpsuit he wore to get to Heero's skin, planting kisses and nips on his neck, collarbone, a flick of the tongue over a small taught nipple causing the stoic facade to melt away with a small moan as he arched into the feeling of Duo's mouth, the heat mapping every erogenous zone the man had taken note of from their previous forays. It was a balancing act, for Heero the sensation of having Duo on top of him, grinding their erections against each other, the feeling of teeth on skin making his stomach shudder with every little surprise as their arousal grew, all melded together with the hurt he couldn't ignore from the moments when his partner didn't seem to even know he was there, flinched away from him, when fear or defensiveness was his first response. And the still level part of the perfect soldier's mind that knew this was a distraction tactic, that Duo's steady path towards Heero's now exposed cock was how the former terrorist intended to create distance, it was the god of death using the perfect soldier's body as an escape route.

The dissonance between the fact of what Duo was doing and what Heero wanted for both of them peaked in Heero and he grabbed at the other man's braid just as Duo opened his mouth over his erection, already weeping a small line of precum from the tip. Heero wrapped the braid swiftly around his fist, forcing Duo's neck into a slightly painful position, pressed back so he was looking Heero in the eye as the short man curled his upper body forward enough to look down at him, the same hungry look in his eye that had terrified Duo just a few cycles ago.

It took everything Heero had to stop his lover from going down on him, to break from his own desire to feel the heat of Duo's mouth, his throat constricting around the head of his cock, and to just focus on what needed to be done, what they should have done before their first kiss. "Duo," Heero growled, just a bit angrier than he intended, and he almost regretted it when he saw a flash of genuine fear cross his lover's face. The look shot regret through his guts and he immediately released his grip on Duo's braid, opting instead to sit up properly, moving the offending hand to the taller man's chin, his thumb resting on the other's flushed lower lip.

It came as a surprise to Heero and Duo both that Heero's confrontation hadn't stopped them from fucking. In fact, once Duo conceded that they should talk about what they were doing, not because of HR but because maybe he also needed to figure out what was going on, maybe they had something together, Heero's demeanor had shifted once again to what it had been the time he'd demanded Duo fuck his throat. All the strength of his desire focused on trying to please his lover in any way he could, in finding new ways to bring both of them to orgasm. And he also seemed to come to an understanding that in order for actual communication to happen between them, Duo needed some emotional space. And orgasmic release afforded him that. When both their brains were flooded with oxytocin, endorphins and serotonin they found that the were more willing to touch on what they liked about one another, and Duo was able to concede he would be interested in pursuing a relationship when they were dirtside again. But he needed Heero to understand there was a lot that he couldn't do, that he wasn't sure he'd be able to give him.

Heero, in these moments where things were saccharine with post-coital exhaustion, thought he understood, that he knew this was just a phase they could work through. He agreed to give Duo time before they went to Une or HR with an admission of sexual congress and worked out the bureaucratic kinks of their entanglement. It almost made him look forward to touching down again, to seeing what sort of life he and Duo could make, though he didn't admit it to his lover. On some level he still understood that those ideas were like a snare trap in the man's head and he would fight against them the same as any caught animal.

Once they landed in the Preventer hangar Heero began the work of calculating physical intimacy, and it weighed on him like the reassertion of gravity, gradual and inescapable. There was a distance he had to keep between himself and Duo, who was now both a coworker and a secret he didn't believe in keeping. But the talks they had had on the shuttle readied him for a short term denial of the truth. Not that it made it any easier to watch Duo use the situation to slip away into himself in ways Heero recognized with some hurt, the aloof smirk, the way he avoided anything more than a few seconds of eye contact, how his posture and walking always kept Heero just slightly behind him and off to the side.

Duo recognized it too, he could almost feel Heero walking maybe a half step behind him and a foot off to his right, the distance between them giving the false air of a neutral relationship, but the knowledge of exactly where the other man was in relation to him was like a sort of heat. It burned him, made him walk a little bit faster, made him aware of how little he was interacting with the man he had just spent nearly three weeks with, a man he now knew liked being rimmed, who he had taught to deepthroat. When they stopped in front of Une's office Duo had to tense his quads several times to redirect blood flow before they stepped in. Even though Heero was more than a comfortable distance behind him, he felt the other man like hot breath on his neck still.

"Hey you two! Welcome back!" Hilde's smiling face snapped Duo out of his reverie and he returned the expression, slipping into his usual outgoing, charming persona without hesitation.

"Hilde! Hey, thanks for the beer, made all the difference out there," He laughed, going in for a hug, their embrace familial. There had been a time when they'd attempted a relationship, back when they'd just met and Operation Meteor had gone pear shaped, leaving Duo in the lurch. But it didn't last, and neither of them really regretted the attempt. In the end, Hilde had found that she much preferred women and Duo was happy they were friends still.

"Glad to hear it, hey Heero!" Hilde turned her attention to the man standing beside Duo and he offered her a small smile. It was something that had taken Duo some time to get used to, watching Heero interact 'normally' with other people. The first time he'd seen the perfect soldier smile he'd been briefly scared that he was witnessing another case of amnesia.

The two men had just finished what was probably their shortest and most publicized debrief with Une. When they arrived at her office she had introduced them to a very quiet, kind-eyed young woman in a black pantsuit and light blue chiffon blouse who worked for the De Standaard newspaper doing fluff pieces about environmental projects. Une made it very clear to the woman that they were "doing what was best for all peoples on all fronts" and Duo had to practically bite his own tongue to keep from making an awful pun on Preventer to make fun of just how ridiculously PR-friendly she was being. It wasn't Une's fault they needed to play political games to continue getting funding, and if he wanted to keep working with cherry-picked teams, Duo knew better than to rub her face in it.

As annoying as it was to have been taken of the field and forced to do what amounted to fodder for PR for two months, not having to report civilian casualties was a nice change. And now they had a week of leave to get 'readjusted', which really meant 'just take a fucking break already'. Of course, now that they were officially on leave Duo felt a knot forming in his gut as he walked together with Heero through HQ, unable to look the other man in the face as the need to escape crawled under his skin.

"-to get the fuselage wires, so if you guys are bored I'm sure Une would only narrow her eyes a little bit if you felt like helping out with that. I mean...if you don't have any plans to actually enjoy your leave," Duo zoned back into the conversation the three of them were apparently having while they walked out to the front lobby.

"Oh, uh, yeah that's great Hilde, thanks maybe we will," Heero quirked a brow at Duo and Hilde rolled her eyes at his response.

"Ok, I'm going back to the garage, good to see you two!" Hilde broke away at the bank of elevators with an enthusiastic wave and was gone.

"You feeling alright?" Heero asked in his typical monotone, the expression on his face unreadable. Except Duo could read it, and he knew Heero was picking up on his discomfort, his fear. It was in the tight set of his shoulders, the way he kept turning his feet towards the doors as if readying for escape.

"Yeah, y'know, just gotta 'readjust'," He tried to joke, bouncing a little on the balls of his feet, hands shoved in his pockets. They were back in their civilian clothes, Duo in dark grey jeans, a black t-shirt and a black sports coat with red piping and some well broken in Docs. He still wore Helen's cross, now on a Gundanium chain but he kept it tucked out of sight, the weight of it comfortable against his chest. Heero's civilian dress had evolved over the years to look like he just picked outfits verbatim out of the most normal clothing catalogues he could find, which meant today he was wearing light blue jeans, a white cotton shirt and a navy blue windbreaker. He'd even traded in his weird, mustard yellow sneakers for a more normal white pair. If he stood still enough, Duo had thought once, he could be mistaken for a mannequin.

Heero shrugged his shoulders at Duo's blatant deflection and turned away from the other man. "I can't force you, I know you need space," He said it just low enough so only Duo could hear him, and suddenly the taller man felt like he'd swallowed an anchor as he watched his once again perfectly stoic partner leave the double glass doors of the lobby and walk out of sight.

"Heero…"

He could feel himself shaking, his mind was rioting even though outwardly Heero was perfectly calm, walking one of his usual routes to his prefered train stop. Why he had acted so harshly towards Duo he had no clue. But that wasn't right, he did know, he knew he was hurt and it made him so angry to be hurt, but it wasn't the same anger Heero was used to. Being angry that a mission had gone wrong, that civilians had died, that the colonies had turned their backs on the Gundams when the five of them were putting their lives on the line for them, those were recognizable types of anger he'd experienced in his life. But this unruly knot of rage twisting around in his guts was something Heero had never learned to deal with, could not hone into a focused point of energy to help him with the task at hand. And that was probably because there was no task, there was no mission, no clear cut target or goal. So he had, in his own way, lashed out at Duo and broken away from the scene, going into autopilot and heading to his apartment.

As he took a seat on the train Heero worked on calming down, he steadied his breathing and tried to enjoy watching the scenery slip past as the train sped along the tracks. As soon as he started to feel more like himself and was able to stop shaking, Heero's phone buzzed in his pocket. He checked it immediately, his mind leaping to thoughts of Duo apologizing, saying he was going to come to his apartment and they could talk. Skipping ahead to the next morning when they would wake up together.

It was Une, thanking Heero and Duo for their cooperation with the 'interview' they had had less than an hour before, promising them a link to the piece when it was published. He felt like breaking his phone, but opted to turn it off instead. Why on earth Commander Une thought he'd want to read about some fluff piece he'd been pointlessly interviewed for was beyond the perfect soldier. He was surprised by how affronted he felt by the simple message, it was nothing, he'd known it was just a PR job when Une had assigned him and Duo to the task, and yet Heero felt like she was telling him useless information during a moment of crisis that was clearly bigger than some article interview. With a sigh, Heero closed his eyes and went back to focusing on his breathing until his stop was announced.

"Alright, Duo! Back so soon?" Hilde called out, waving at her friend as he walked towards her in the loading bay of the garage. He approached her with a mildly sheepish grin, shrugging his shoulders.

"I couldn't stand the thought of ya'll working so hard without me on this hunk-a-junk that got dinged up on my watch," He joked, going in for a hug.

"Oh, well that's very kind of you," Hilde gave a little laugh, returning the hug. "But actually, we're finishing up for the day, the parts we need haven't come in yet, I thought I mentioned that when I caught you guys outside of the offices?" She looped her arm smoothly around her friend's and casually steered him back towards the entrance of the hangar.

"I- uh yeah, you're right, guess I wasn't listening," Duo admitted, allowing Hilde to lead him as he let out a laugh of his own, scratching the back of his head with his free hand.

She didn't say anything, but Duo knew she sensed something was up when she regarded him with slightly narrowed eyes and her nose just slightly scrunched. She always gave him that look when she knew he was avoiding something. "Uh-huh, well, c'mon, there's something else you can help me with," Hilde said, pulling on his arm a bit more.

"Oh yeah?" Duo gave her a curious smile. "What is it?"

"You just got back from space," Hilde informed him, her eyes glinting mischievously. "That means we have to go have fun," Duo almost winced at that, remembering the first time she had suggested they go do something fun.

Heero's apartment was already spotless, but after he unpacked what was barely half a duffel bag of the personal belongings he had taken with him on the cleaning shuttle, he scrubbed down every surface he could scrub, swept and re-organized everything else. And when he was done the hollow, angry feeling was more present than ever. It was part of the walls now, in the carpet, in the way he'd re-organized, and Heero was standing in the middle of it. He needed to get out of his own head.

Heero pulled his phone off the charging cradle and turned it back on. With a few quick taps he pulled up Trowa's number and sent him a quick message, then paced his apartment waiting for a response, phone in hand. He walked into every room of his small apartment, running a finger along the grout in the bathtub, double-checking the stainless steel sink in the kitchen, checking the corners of his bedroom for dust, running a hand across the comforter on his bed to smooth it out. Finally his phone buzzed and Heero unlocked it in a deft motion, reading the message with a slight frown, jaw clenched as he thought about what he was going to say, about what he had just done.

Without hesitation, Heero walked swiftly out of his apartment, grabbing his windbreaker and double checking he had his keys and wallet as he stepped out the door and headed back to the train station.

"Heya, Heero! Long time no see," Catherine greeted him in her usual upbeat way, bringing the slightly shorter man in for a hug and a kiss on the cheek. It had taken her a while to forgive him after Trowa tried to follow his example and self-detonate, but Heero and Trowa worked together on several missions when they started Preventer and had built up a decent friendship. As such, Heero slowly worked on his relationship with Catherine, and when she saw him making an effort to work on his issues she let her guard down and accepted him almost like a second younger brother. "Trowa's with the cats today, go help him," She gave him a big, genuine smile and Heero returned one, not so big, but sincere, before heading to the back of the main tent where he remembered they usually set up the animals.

"Here," When Heero walked up beside Trowa, who was standing beside the large cage of the male lion he hand bonded with some four years ago, the man silently handed him a pair of latex gloves which Heero put on without question. Once they were on, Trowa handed him what appeared to be one-quarter of a pig - skinned, but not completely bled - and indicated towards the tiger cage just off to the right of the lion's cage. The silent clown himself was feeding the lion out of his hand like an over-sized kitten. Heero couldn't imagine what kind of trust it took to build that bond but he admired Trowa's natural ability to befriend animals.

As soon as Heero began walking to the tiger's cage, the large, striped female stood up and pressed her powerful body against the cage bars, walking along the length of it, her fur slipping through the space in the steel bars in tufts, muscles shifting underneath. She looked Heero in the eye and he made a conscious effort to hold her gaze, as Trowa had instructed him to do the first time he'd helped his friend with feeding the animals.

'They're stealth predators,' Trowa had explained, 'they don't like to attack anything that's seen them,'

Heero used the heft of the huge side of meat he was holding to underhand swing it through the bars of the tiger's cage and she snapped up the foot or so that lodged near her and yanked it in further. But instead of releasing it to her entirely, the stoic man held on as best he could, pulling back against her. Trowa had shown him how to do this; things like tug-of-war helped other animals understand that their interactions with them were non-threatening and tactile games helped especially well with that. So Heero found himself occasionally playing tug-of-war with a tiger and almost half a pig.

"Asha likes you," Heero let the carcass slip from his fingers after one final tug, and Asha pulled it completely into her cage with just a quick twist of her neck as if it were made of styrofoam. Trowa stood beside him, a small smile playing on the corners of his lips as he watched her tear great chunks out of her dinner. "She usually gives up when I try to play lately, maybe she's upset I don't visit that often," He mused, stripping off his own, very bloody, gloves and dropping them in the bucket that had, until a few minutes ago, been carrying some of the meat for the big cats.

"I don't visit nearly as much as you do," Heero pointed out, following Trowa's lead and dumping his gloves in the bucket as the other man picked it up by the handle, taking it to a post with a hose hung on it.

"Well you're consistently rare," Trowa reasoned, tossing the gloves in a partially full trash bag and rinsing out the bloody bucket. "So it's a treat when she gets to see you,"

The former pilot of 01 watched Trowa idly as he went through washing out the bucket, noting how he'd changed since they first met. He was certainly still taller than Heero, his hair was a bit shorter now but Trowa still wore it over one eye, though when he went on undercover missions he wore it short, textured and parted off to the right. Heero had discovered early in their friendship that Trowa knew what he looked like, and while he wasn't necessarily vain about it, he knew how to dress and present himself for whatever situation. And he was handsome, even when they were all half-starved child terrorists, it was like Trowa wore his thinness, at times he looked like a minimalist painting, the slim curves and contours drawing the eyes of strangers, of most everyone. But now he was a healthier weight, his shoulders and back were more broad, the muscle a little thicker, his waist still tapered and his legs were still long and lean but there was a more controlled power to his movement, more of a sense of weight and control. Sometimes, Heero thought idly, he looked quite a lot like the lion he was so close to.

Heero helped him tip the bucket after it was filled completely with soapy water. Trowa had returned from his last mission with a recently dislocated shoulder, and while there hadn't been any torn ligaments he still had to go through several weeks of physical therapy before he could be considered for the field again. The healing process was slow and frustrating, but the silent, slender man was taking it in stride, opting to spend more time with his adoptive circus family since they were in town for the month.

"Hm," Trowa stood, hanging the bucket from a nail on the post so it could dry. "So, what did you want to talk about?" He turned to Heero, expression neutral, voice soft as ever.

Heero glanced off to the side, letting out a small breath before locking eyes with his friend. "I need help, I don't know what to do about…" He paused, brow furrowing slightly as he weighed whether or not he should tell Trowa about his and Duo's...his and Duo's what? It wasn't a relationship. If he wanted to view it objectively it was about a handful of sexual acts. "I…"

Trowa watched the faint traces of inner turmoil pass over the other man's face and his own expression became one of genuine interest. "Let's take this somewhere more private, shall we?" He offered, gesturing towards his truck which was parked a few feet away.

"Yeah," Heero conceded following his friend, still frowning slightly, trying to untangle his thoughts.

"You what?!" Hilde shouted practically in Duo's face, the alcohol blush on the tips of her ears already apparent after three whiskey sodas. Duo gave her an embarrassed grin, right hand firmly planted on the back of his head after what he'd just admitted. "Duo! Duo I can't believe you!" She giggled, almost climbing over the table of the booth they were in, trying to get closer to her friend.

The club they were in was loud, dark and smelled like spilled liquor and sugary vapor. It was perfect for hiding in, as Duo had come to discover with Hilde's help after she had taken a job as Chief Engineer at Preventer. She'd accepted the position when he was away on a year-long mission and when he'd returned, raw and unsettled from being undercover for so long, she had dragged him to a club and bought him shots until he remembered how to dance and just let go. The hangover afterward had also been a reminder in how to rest after so many months of being on edge 24/7. So now whenever Duo came back from a mission, they went to a club and 'decompressed' as Hilde explained it, usually while grinning and handing him a drink that was black light reactive.

"I know, I know, I'm a terrible person, I should be locked up," Duo joked, a slight grin on his face as he moved his and Hilde's empty glasses out of the way as she actually decided to climb over the table. He placed a hand on her side as she wriggled and scooted her way next to him on the slightly slippery, glittery vinyl seat. Hilde had always been much more energetic and bubbly than Duo, at least that's how he felt. And though, over the years, she'd matured emotionally and even gone off to get a degree in Engineering, which is what had secured her the job as Head of Engineering at Preventer, she was just as bouncy and sweet as ever when she was with Duo.

"No! You dummy! I mean how are you here right now? Have you seen Heero? Like I know you've seen Heero but like why didn't you just say 'oh sorry, Hilde, I have to go bone my new boyf, bye', like dude, seriously," She shoved him a bit more forcefully that intended, having lost some control to the whiskey, a small giggle escaping her when she realized she was being a bit too rough.

Duo gripped the side of the table to keep from sliding out of the booth and made a face at her use of the word 'boyf'. "Don't…" He had had just as much as her, but his alcohol tolerance was a little better and he was still aware of how tired his throat was from shouting over the music, still uncomfortable trying to parse out the idea of what he and Heero had done and what their relationship was now, how it would change, if he even wanted it to.

"What?" Hilde shouted in his ear.

"We're not- he left! He just left I don't know what happened!" Duo rolled his eyes, struck with irritation that he was trying to have this conversation with what was now a very giddy, drunk Hilde. Typically he could match her, aloof and fun-loving they would bullshit, drink and dance but this time his heart just wasn't in it, he didn't feel like he usually did after a mission- like he needed to slough off a whole world of troubles that weren't his anymore. Heero wasn't trouble, what he had or wanted with Heero was troubling him, but none of it was the same and though Duo was always amused by how Hilde became even more outgoing and giddy when she drank, the whole drink-our-cares-away tradition didn't feel like it fit his needs this time around. Still, there wasn't much else for him to do and it wasn't like this was the worst way for him to spend a night.

"He left what?" She shouted.

"He left! He just left! The lobby, after we spoke? He left!" Duo shouted back, raising an empty glass at one of the roaming waiters when he caught their eye. They made a beeline to him and, smiling the most disingenuous smile, took his glass and read the RFID on it as they walked away. He wondered briefly if he'd ever accidentally forgotten to tip that particular waiter and made a mental note to leave a decent tip this time around.

"He just left? Why? Was it just like casual?" Hilde lifted her glass as well just as the waiter turned on their heel. "Aww poo!" She stuck her tongue out.

"You've had enough," He teased, nudging her as she giggled and nodded.

"Yeah- but wait, why? What happened? Duo!" She put a hand on his shoulder, shaking it slightly.

Duo gave her a 'beats me' expression, hands in the air as he shook his head. "I said I just need to readjust and he muttered something about not forcing me and walked out of the lobby,"

"Force? Did he force- Duo, did he force you?" Hilde was suddenly in his face, their noses practically touching as she twisted him in her direction by the shoulders, "Duo, I'll kill him," Her expression was a little unfocused but serious, and Duo didn't doubt she could hold her own against the perfect soldier at least for a little while by sheer force of will.

"No! No, it was- thank you!" The waiter placed his fresh drink down pointedly in his line of sight and rather harder than was necessary, spilling a bit of it. "No, Hilde, he said he wasn't gonna force me," He shouted, his voice getting more hoarse but still just audible over the thumping bass. He gently took her hands off his shoulders and look her in the eye, trying to get her to focus.

"Oh! Ok!" Hilde sat back. "Oh, my drink!" She exclaimed with a bright look once she noticed Duo's drink.

"No! No, Hilde you're cut off," Duo snatched his drink up just as she reached for it and drank it down as she playfully tried to take it from him. He knew this hangover would be like the first one. "C'mon, let's go dance!" He placed the empty glass down, tapped his RFID wristband to the table so it stayed black- meaning occupied- as they slid out of the booth and made their way to the haptic dance floor with its prismatic neon-and-pastel lighting reacting to the heat of bodies and the thrum of music.

"I don't know if walking out on him was the best thing to do," Trowa said carefully, taking a sip of coffee, eyeing the still-hot drink in his hand as Heero did the same, nodding in agreement.

"It wasn't, but I just...acted, I've never done that before, I mean," He looked at his own coffee, gently swirled it in his half-full mug. "I've never done any of this before," He admitted in a low voice, a slightly weary look on his face.

"I think," Trowa paused, sitting back in his chair. They were at Trowa's apartment, a small, one bedroom affair similar to Heero's just a few blocks south of him. Trowa's apartment had the benefit of being higher up in his building than Heero's was, and it had a large sliding glass door leading to a balcony that overlooked the city and let in lots of natural light during the day, showed off the city lights at night. The acrobatic former pilot of Heavyarms wouldn't admit this to his stoic friend but he actually bought it for the view. He thought it would be an ideal excuse to invite people up when he wanted to. It worked quite well. Not that he didn't also enjoy it himself. In fact his small living room set was arranged so it faced the large sliding glass door, the low chairs with their pine wood frames and off-white cushions and matching couch all set the way most people set up their furniture around a television - a feature Trowa's apartment distinctly lacked. He could read the news on his phone or computer and there wasn't much else he would have used a t.v. for anyway.

"Should I...apologize?" Heero ventured after a moment of silence. Trowa looked at his friend over the small breakfast table and felt a pang of sympathy. About a year after they signed up with Preventer, Trowa had gone through a similar dilemma. He'd met a civilian that frequented the same places he did and when Trowa had found out that the person- a lovely non-binary femme with wide, brown eyes- worked at the animal shelter in his neighborhood he thought it would be nice to invite them out for coffee and see where things went. The relationship fell apart after a few months, but they were patient with him and in the end the two ended things amicably. They had even encouraged Trowa to look for a therapist and occasionally texted him.

But Trowa knew that wasn't going to be a realistic outcome for Heero and Duo. Duo was notorious for his last-minute reports, showing a sense of avoidance that spoke to his need to cut-and-run even in situations that didn't call for it. And Trowa had overseen Heero's recovery after the perfect soldier had detonated Wing Zero, so he knew exactly how confrontational his friend was. Now he looked at Heero's troubled expression, unsure of quite what to say but wanting to help him.

Heero sighed, took another sip of coffee and swirled the deep brown liquid around in his mug again. "Maybe he really did need to re-adjust to being back on Earth," He finally muttered, feeling like an idiot as the possibility of that thought sunk in. He set the cup down gently, suddenly very uninterested in its contents.

"Well, yes that's likely," Trowa conceded reluctantly, wishing he could say something more optimistic to lift the other man's spirits. "But, all you did was walk away right?"

"After telling him I wasn't going to force him to do anything," Heero put one hand over his face, feeling dumber by the second. "I should apologize," He sighed, closing his eyes.

"It sounds like that might be best, maybe try to focus on explaining how you felt, I mean-" Trowa let out a breath and set down his coffee cup with a small 'clink', expression pensive, his empty cup on the saucer in front of him. "-what if he didn't even notice?"

The silence that followed that question hung heavy in the air as Heero stared off into the middle distance for a few moments, then put both hands on his face, then back through his hair. The mostly finished cup of coffee going cold as it sat in its own saucer. "Crap," He muttered, leaning back in his chair.

"You should talk to him, Duo, honestly," Hilde whined at the L2 native for probably the five-hundredth time that night as they stumbled into his apartment and she threw herself on his black leather couch. It was a deceptive piece of furniture, when he'd first invited her over she had looked at it and thought it would be as comfortable as a pew, but he made her sit on it and Hilde discovered it was made of a sort of aero-foam and gel hybrid. It didn't consume its guest like an overstuffed fluffy monster couch and wasn't like a CEO's leather power trip couch specifically designed to make anyone feel just uncomfortable enough to remind them that they were only welcome in that person's space by their 'good graces'. It was like a really expensive bed got turned into a couch and she had loved it ever since.

"I dunno, it's...weird," Duo sighed, still drunk but just lucid enough to be mentally competent. He closed the door behind them, phone in one hand as he rated their driver five stars and gave him a 50% tip and slipping his phone back into his jacket pocket, which wasn't much considering he only lived a mile from the club, but they guy had taken a chance on letting Hilde into his car even though she was probably a puking hazard right now. Of course the woman was tough, even if she had needed to heave she certainly hadn't let on and the drive was pretty uneventful, aside from her constant nagging about Duo's new personal situation. "I mean, we talked a little bit about what we wanted when we got dirtside but then he just booked it the first chance he got and now I'm not sure, what if he decided this wasn't a good idea or, I dunno..." He let his sentence trail off with a defeated sigh.

"You know that's some projection-style bullshit," Duo could just make out her muffled words as Hilde had her arm thrown over her face, laying on her back with her legs over one arm rest. He couldn't help but give a tired smirk to her prone form on his couch as he took off his jacket, throwing it over the old armchair that he and Hilde had salvaged from the rich part of town two months ago when they'd gone through their seasonal furniture purge. It was a huge wingback ordeal with a strong wooden frame but a horrid floral pattern material Duo had had reupholstered to match the couch. It was the first time he'd had a real place of his own to furnish and the L2 orphan was finding he had at least a mild sense of style.

"Yeah, yeah, I know," He groaned, sitting down on the couch beside her and leaning his head back so that the base of his skull rested on the top of the back pillow and his neck was exposed completely.

"So call him," Hilde's muffled voice made him roll his eyes.

"Not tonight," He muttered, starting to feel tired, but more than tired, like he was drained, empty, nearly immaterial. Like he could just sink through the couch and out of existence if he just let go.

There were several minutes of silence where Duo thought about sinking into nothingness and Hilde appeared to be asleep, at least until she sat up and loudly declared, "I'm hungry," then immediately went to use the bathroom.

Her words brought Duo back to the land of the living and made him realize the emptiness he was feeling was predominantly in his stomach, and getting some carbs in him and his ridiculously confrontational and very good friend wouldn't be such a bad idea considering how much alcohol they had consumed. He sat forward, looking around the room to try and locate his phone before realizing it was still in his jacket pocket. With a small huff, and noticing how the room threatened to tilt as he stood, Duo retrieved the thin rectangle from his jacket before sitting back down onto the couch and unlocking his phone.

"What delivery do you want?" He called out, loud enough to be heard over the faint flush of a toilet.

"Delivery boyf!" Hilde shouted as she opened the door to the bathroom and walked back into the room, "call Heero," She chanted, "Deliver Heero!" giggling, she fell back into the same position on the couch.

Duo rolled his eyes so hard it almost hurt, he held his unlocked phone in one hand, his elbow propped on his knee as he sat hunched over slightly, waiting for her to name a late night delivery service so he could voice dial them. "I wouldn't call Heero my 'boyf' and also stop using that word it's weird," He grumbled, giving Hilde's forehead an unfocused glare. His phone lit up, the words 'Calling Heero Yuy' gracing the top half of the screen as Duo poked his friend in the head, the phone completely in his blindspot. "Tell me what you want to eat, drunky," He teased.

"Tell me why you're avoiding your boyf," Hilde giggled, not reacting to his poking.

"He's not my boyf," Duo grumbled again, "I don't even know if he'd want a relationship with someone like me," The typically charismatic pilot admitted begrudgingly, the hand he held his phone in fell between his knees. "I mean, look at him, sure he's got a robotic type of routine down, but he's emotionally stable, he's competent, he's got everything he needs to just integrate into society if he needs to, hell I don't even know why he's still with Preventer when he could probably just go work for a software company and make millions, but he does this because he believes it's right, which is crazy to me, that he has that ethical compass that just...fucking leads him and he doesn't ever seem to doubt himself, and why would he? He's been the perfect soldier, Quatre calls him the fucking heart of outer space, shit, he literally saved the world from nuclear winter, he's a hero, and he actually believes the world is worth saving and I'm a mess, like a genuine honest-to-god mess of a human being, I wasn't even going to land on Earth, I was planning on blowing up Deathscythe and getting rid of everyone on board the shuttle, including myself, and I still try to do shit like that, I run and hide, I've always done it, it's always kept me alive and that's all I've ever cared about, just keeping me alive, I'm selfish and scared and-" As he spoke, Duo found the words pouring out of him, his voice becoming more and more raw with emotion until finally he hit the nerve he'd been avoiding ever since he chose to kiss Heero on the shuttle. "-he'd leave me when he found out," the words were shaky and Duo felt hot tears pool up and distort his vision before spilling down his cheeks. His phone counted the seconds of the active call.

Heero nearly jumped when his phone rang. He had only just gotten back to his own apartment after talking with Trowa and was putting away some groceries- coffee, rice, salmon and some other perishables he needed to stock up on again- before heading to bed. It had been grounding, talking with the other ex-pilot, Trowa was careful with his words but he never avoided the truth. Together they had sorted out why Heero may have reacted so negatively to Duo's words. He had planned to call Duo tomorrow, in the evening because he knew the other man liked to hang out with Hilde when he returned from missions and would probably sleep in, but now as he pulled his phone out of his back pocket and saw Duo's name on the caller ID he was struck with another wave of illogical hope. Without thinking, Heero tapped the green 'accept call' icon and held the phone up to his ear, putting away things in his fridge and cabinets as he listened to the conversation Duo and Hilde were having, unsure of what else to do.

After a minute of silently listening he hung up and left his apartment, grabbing his keys from the side table near the door on his way out, his expression one of familiar determination.