Chapter Thirty Five

"She could have really hurt you."

"I know." Gabby answered from her spot on the couch, her elbow resting on the arm as she leaned into her hand and the ice pack it held. She had her legs stretched out resting on a footstool. It had taken five minutes to convince Melissa she didn't need to go to the hospital.

Melissa had taken up a position in an armchair opposite Gabby because they needed to talk and Gabby needed to keep icing her jaw. She feared that with the heightened emotions of the day, sitting any closer would have ended up with them in bed together, which would have meant both things that were necessary would have fallen to the wayside. There was plenty of time to reacquaint with one another physically, she didn't want to rush into it.

"You could have dropped her just as quickly given how emotional she was."

Any other day Gabby may have smirked with the knowledge that yes she had remained calm under pressure and would have indeed had the upper hand if she had chosen to fight back. Instead she was more interested in where the conversation was heading, but allowed a brief acknowledgement of Melissa's assertion. "Yup."

"Why didn't you take the opportunity to get your own licks in? Why'd you just take it?"

Gabby sighed and rubbed her neck with her free hand. She considered the line of questioning pointless and not even close to what they ought to be discussing, but chose to answer anyway. "Because she was clearly not in her right mind. There's nothing fun or honourable about stealing candy from a baby, and that's what it would have been like to me, Missy. A cruel power trip."

Melissa took a moment to consider the answer and she knew Gabby was being truthful, because for the first time in years Gabby had been acting like the Gabby she had fallen in love with. Her refusal to take advantage of her in a vulnerable moment on the beach, her willingly offering up the truth about Maura and taking responsibility for her part in that and then finally holding back after Jane had flattened her. This was the Gabby she knew she couldn't live without. "So why did you sucker punch her outside St. Lukes?"

Gabby's eyes flashed with anger briefly but quickly subsided to a place of regret and sadness. "I wasn't in my right mind then myself. No excuses, that was piss poor behaviour and I really can't blame you for calling me out on my jealousy."

"What do you think happened here today?" Melissa was curious to see whether Gabby had been assuming she had been chosen and that she was ready to jump straight back into a relationship.

The million dollar question. Gabby sure knew what she hoped had happened, but realistically that would take time. It was always going to take time and so she shrugged. "I think you realised Jane belongs with Maura and that's it. Anything beyond that is just an assumption and Maura has reminded me many times about the pitfalls of assumptions."

The impetuous part of her heart that lived and breathed for Gabby was ready there and then to jump right in and drag Gabby to the bedroom to consummate the rekindling of their romance, but her head told her that they had to take it slow and so she fought against the hormonal explosion happening in her body. Self control was going to be very important, but so was honesty. She was asking all the questions and Gabby was patiently answering them despite no doubt wanting to ask a few key ones of her own. She deserved the truth. "When I saw you standing there after Jane and I kissed. It scared me, the pain in your eyes, I thought I was about to lose you all over again." She saw Gabby instantly start to get up and she put her hand up to stop her. She moved from the chair to the couch next to Gabby and took her by the hand. "I knew then that I couldn't live without you."

Gabby felt quite vulnerable as tears were pooling in her eyes and both of her hands were occupied. She couldn't wipe them away easily, so she decided to just roll with them. It had taken a long time to realise that being vulnerable in front of Melissa should never have been viewed as a bad thing. She smiled a little and said, "Feelings mutual, Kiddo."

Melissa reached out and wiped the tears from the left side of Gabby's face. She found herself getting caught up in the glistening emerald eyes watching her with a fondness she had never thought she would see again. She reluctantly pulled her hand away and admitted, "I want to kiss you badly right now."

Gabby shifted a little and pulled the ice pack from the right side of her jaw. Showing off the bruise with a little pride she said, "Don't let this stop you."

Melissa rolled her eyes and shook her head, biting back a small chuckle. "Ha ha. I don't want to rush into this Gabs, there's a lot we need to unpack and sort out."

The lot was so clearly the baggage that was Jane and Maura. Gabby's face fell pensively, she could still hear Maura telling her not to make assumptions in her mind, but she couldn't help but assume that Melissa was petrified that in the light of a brand new day that she would start to view the whole Jane relationship as a threat to them the way she had with Rachael. "Jane was never my best friend," she spoke her thoughts out loud, "and I came here with every intention of telling you how much I still loved you. I didn't have any expectations, but part of my being willing to lay my heart out there was being comfortable within myself if my declaration moved you to choose me. I wouldn't be here right now if I didn't think I could live with the fact you love Jane."

Melissa was stunned that Gabby hadn't automatically reverted to the past tense of love. They had both done so much growing up in their years apart, although she genuinely suspected it took them being in relationships with other people that they saw as genuinely serious for the real lessons to be learned. It had been so easy with Maura discussing the facts as they were, because Maura was a more logical woman, not as easily ruled by her emotions. Gabby had been ruled by hers for years and to see her feel comfortable with a situation that would take time to resolve warmed the depths of her heart. "I do choose you, you know."

Gabby allowed herself to smirk a little. "I know."

"I could try to begin to explain what happened, but all you really need to know is that I do love you Gabby, so damn much."

Gabby nodded and dropped the ice pack onto the footstool, She then repositioned and framed Melissa's face with her hands and leaned in slowly, allowing Melissa ample opportunity to stop her. When Melissa's eyes glanced at her lips and then closed in anticipation she had her go ahead. She kissed Melissa slowly and reverently while caressing her cheeks with her thumbs. The kiss didn't last long because she wasn't trying to start anything, she just needed to convey her love and trust. "Love you too, Missy."

Melissa opened her eyes and smiled, she had felt every ounce of emotion that Gabby had been trying to convey and while she still knew they had a long road ahead, it was worth the effort. Gabby had always been worth her effort, but now she knew that Gabby was ready to put the work in too.

Melissa tucked in against Gabby's side and relished the arm that wrapped around her. "You do realise that if Jane decides she still wants me as a friend, that I will be her friend, right?"

Gabby bit back the groan that wanted to escape. She knew that was a distinct possibility and she couldn't really argue because she had every intention of remaining friends with Maura. "I won't promise to like her but I promise not to punch her unless she's really asking for it."

"Oi," Melissa said, poking Gabby in the side. "You better not, under any circumstance."

"Fine," Gabby huffed playfully, "I promise I will never ever punch Jane Rizzoli again."

"Was that so hard?" Melissa teased.

"You have no idea."

Melissa laughed and snuggled in closer.

"You know Maura and I already agreed to stay friends."

"Of course you did."

"Not my fault Jane's so emotionally broken that you might not know for weeks." Gabby made sure it was obviously a tease, because there was some unfortunate truth in there too. She gave a reassuring squeeze and added, "For what it's worth I think you guys will end up friends. Much to my chagrin."

"Maura made you read a thesaurus every night didn't she?" Melissa teased back.

Gabby rolled her eyes and pressed a kiss against the top of Melissa's head. "Just because I'm a cop doesn't make me stupid."

"True. Taking six years to forgive me though? Stupid."

"So incredibly stupid," Gabby agreed.

"Are you going to say anything at all?" Jane asked from her position sitting on the spare bed with her feet touching the floor. She was tired and emotionally spent, and the car ride back up the hill had been made in silence. Walking up the stairs to put her suitcase in the spare room also made in silence, and now Jane finally made eye contact with Maura who stood with arms folded leaning against the doorway. It was a juxtaposition, the casualness of the doorway lean combined with the obvious annoyance in the arm crossing. Jane had no idea what to make of it.

When Melissa had called, Maura seriously considered not answering. There wasn't much left to say between them, but in the end she couldn't fight the urge to be courteous, given there would likely be a good reason for such a call. When Melissa had admitted that she wasn't prepared for a life where Gabby married another, she had initially felt a sense of relief, this meant eventually Jane may indeed return to her like Gabby believed she would. Before she could even begin to process the fact she still held great frustration with her best friend, Melissa had told her that Jane had surprised her and was now in the middle of a fist fight with Gabby. She had made her way down the hill as fast as she could and again felt relief when she realised that Gabby had contained the situation. She didn't want Jane or Gabby seriously hurt by Jane's clearly troubled actions. She slipped easily into caretaker mode and removed Jane from the vicinity and had held thoughtful and courteous conversation with Melissa as a circuit breaker. Her frustration with Jane was at an all time high, it had taken every ounce of decency in her body to remain friendly until she pulled away from the curb. Afterall, it wasn't Melissa or Gabby that had earned her ire.

She had brought Jane home and followed her up the stairs and taken up the position she had all the while her desire to take care of Jane and her absolute frustration warred within her heart and mind. She recognised that Jane had not been taking care of herself, that the woman was a little more gaunt, and had the kind of shadows under her eyes that indicated long term sleep issues, not temporary ones. It was more than jetlag. Jane's behaviour down the road was all the evidence she needed of that. She wanted to be able to talk to Jane, but the more she watched her the more she realised the woman staring back at her was not the Jane she had originally left in Boston. She wasn't even the Jane she had left in Boston earlier in the month. That Jane at least looked like she had some sense of self.

Maura had numerous questions she wanted to ask and yet she continued to just watch Jane who seemed to wilt under her intense scrutiny. Finally she relented enough to give Jane some kind of an opening, but it wasn't much of one. "I don't know where to begin."

Jane understood that feeling. She had spent the car ride agonising over her recent decision making and her feelings. She was hurt by Melissa no doubt about it, and she was angry with her too, the way she had just summarily dismissed her by calling Maura. There was no real attempt at communication made. She had been left to put two and two together and that equation equaled she was dumped. She didn't really blame Melissa for that, but she sure didn't like her much for it either. The worst of it was that she had called Maura and so Maura had done the Maura thing and come running to pull Jane out of a crap situation and now she stood there looking at Jane like she didn't even know who she was.

Jane sighed. The harsh reality of the situation was that she hadn't been herself in a very long time. Not since Maura had originally announced she was leaving Boston for greener pastures. She had been shaken to her core that day and she had tried to push on and make it through the other side, only to fail miserably. Realising she was in love with Maura Isles may have simultaneously been the best and worst moment of her life. There couldn't ever be a thing wrong with loving a woman like Maura, but the timing, oh the timing was so incredibly bad.

"Why the hell did you have to leave?" Jane asked suddenly. Her eyes flashed angrily as she glowered at a bewildered looking Maura, who clearly didn't know which instance she was talking about. Jane elaborated further, "So what if your father's a notorious mob boss? Why the hell did you run from Boston?"

Maura straightened up and studied Jane's clearly emotional reaction. The anger radiating from her best friend was palpable. The audacity amazed Maura, she had been cleaning up after Jane for months and she was growing tired of it.

"You weren't the one having your professionalism questioned, Jane. You weren't the one afraid for your life and the lives of those around you. You have no fucking idea how hard it was for me to leave you and your family behind. No fucking idea!" Maura spat vehemently.

Jane's mouth opened and then shut again almost as quickly. She simply stared at Maura, whom she had never seen unleash so angrily in her life. Maura didn't swear, pretty much hardly ever and to have copped it with both barrels left Jane feeling a bit discombobulated. It was really hard to maintain anger when feeling so stunned. "I would have kept you safe," she ended up muttering sadly.

"Paddy already proved that you couldn't do that Jane." Maura's tone was cold. She would never hold that against Jane, but decisions had to be made. She cared so very much about the Rizzolis and the moment her kinship to Doyle became common knowledge it made her a target for all of his enemies, law enforcement and criminals alike. It made Jane a target. She couldn't abide by that, would never abide by that and would never apologise for that.

Jane felt like Maura had just slapped her hard across the face with the truth she never wanted to admit to herself. That there was no way she could ever keep Maura safe one hundred percent of the time. There had been so many close calls, but the reality was if it wasn't Doyle that had abducted Maura that one time, she would have probably been found dead in an alley somewhere and that fact had eaten at Jane ever since.

"You didn't even talk to me about it first Maura, you just told me it was decided. One day everything is normal and the next day you're all, by the way I'm leaving Boston. Who does that?"

Maura shook her head and sent a withering glare in Jane's direction. "I don't have to explain myself to you Jane. I made a decision I deemed best for all involved."

"You made a selfish, stupid decision." Jane snapped. She knew deep down that she was talking out of her ass and that she needed to reel it in or she risked Maura shutting down on her completely, but she couldn't contain all the raw emotion spewing forth irrationally. She was hurting. Maura was the cause of so much of that hurt and now there was nobody in between them to keep the hurt at bay. There were no distractions. There was no more light to hold back the darkness. There was simply the void coming to swallow her whole.

It was Maura's turn to be stunned. Intellectually she recognised that Jane was spiraling out of control. Her heightened emotions from the incident with Gabby only fueled the fire and an obvious hint of feeling betrayed by her decision to leave Boston. However, the irrational anger with which Jane was communicating only served to hurt Maura emotionally. "No! You don't have the right to call me selfish. I have gone above and beyond for you Jane. I will not stand here listening to another second of your vitriol."

Jane watched as Maura turned and walked away. She jumped up and followed Maura out to the landing and growled, "Go on run Maura, you're so good at that."

Maura swung on Jane then, stalked over to her and pressed her index finger into Jane's sternum. "I stood in that very room begging you to stay. You ran, Jane. Melissa confessed her love for you, and you ran then too. I came to you in Boston and bared my heart to you and low and behold, you ran again. You are the runner Jane. You!"

Jane absolutely hated fighting with Maura, because it was hard to fight cold hard facts. Maura didn't stoop to irrational spiteful words, she cut you to the bone with accurate fact based arguments. She used her arm to brush Maura's hand aside and glared angrily. Her chest heaved with every breath she took, her nostrils flared; she resembled an angry bull ready to charge. "Rather be a runner, than fuckin heartless!"

Maura shook her head and backed away, every cell in her body had her wanting to slap Jane in that moment. She certainly felt it was what may have been needed to make Jane see what she was doing, but she wouldn't do that. Violence, not even a simple slap, was the answer. She took a deep breath and said, "Get some sleep Jane. I'm not doing this anymore."

"Sure. Fine. Whatever." Jane spat. She walked back into the spare room and slammed the door violently behind her.

Maura had already turned and started walking away when the door slammed. It caused her to jump a little, her nerves were shot. She reminded herself that Jane was hurting and lashing out as a result, but it didn't change how hurt she was left feeling by their encounter. She wondered if the Jane Rizzoli she had fallen in love with was still trapped somewhere inside that darkened mess of a woman or if she was lost to the world forever?

A/N: Alright, that's as bad it gets. They begin to heal next chapter.

Thanks again to everyone for reading, reviewing, following, favouriting, etcetera.