Chapter Thirty Seven
February, 2012
Launceston, Tasmania
"Tasmania into the final of the Australian Softball Championships for the first time since 1984. Sports are next."
Jane was at the end of what had been an emotionally taxing day. Her second therapy session had been pretty intense, and it had left her stewing a little. Maura had a faculty meeting that would keep her a little late, and so Jane found herself sitting in front of the television eating leftovers. She had switched on the local news to see if there was anything on the championships in Sydney and was happy to learn Tasmania had progressed to the final.
She focused on eating while the adbreak aired. She had little doubt that Melissa had played a big part in Tasmania's success and she wished they were on speaking terms, but she just hadn't been able to bring herself to face her ex. It was one of the things that she had discussed in her therapy session, in an attempt to understand why she felt so angry. Things had worked out the way they probably should have from the beginning, and yet she still had issues. She had been challenged to think deeply about it and report back the next session. Homework was the last thing she had expected, but then again a 50 minute session with a psychologist once a week wasn't going to solve things on its own. She had to put in the hard yards.
"Launceston's Melissa Sanderson catapulted Tasmania into the finals of the Australian Softball Championships at Blacktown's Olympic Park today. Tasmania will face Victoria, after a nail biting finish, saw Sanderson hit a walk off home run. Tasmania winning 3-2. The final will take place tomorrow afternoon at Olympic Park."
Jane watched the footage of Melissa's home run and subsequent mobbing by her teammates when she jogged over home plate. She managed a genuine smile and a little happiness that Melissa was taking her chance to show the Australian selectors exactly where they had erred. There had been a lot of good in their relationship, it was something she tried to remind herself of as she navigated dealing with all the anger.
Anger that she was slowly piecing together stemmed from her own shame and embarrassment. Her relationship with Melissa had actually been one of the healthier relationships she had been a part of, outside of her clear denial. They had shared open communication and mutual respect and Melissa was actually a pretty decent human being. It had been the unresolved feelings for Maura and inability to address and process the damage Hoyt had caused her psyche that had put so much pressure on her mind that she had begun to crumble. From there it was a slippery slope, and her resulting behaviour, from the suggestion Melissa shoot herself, to kissing Maura behind her back, and then lying about it all proved to be actions that caused their own legacy of damage.
"Well fuck," Jane muttered, placing her dinner plate down onto the coffee table. Melissa had been an attentive girlfriend, of course she had noticed all the changes that told the truth that Jane wasn't all in on their relationship. She wasn't angry with Melissa. She was angry with herself. Melissa absolutely could have handled things better, and maybe she would have if Jane had given her the opportunity, but she realised going off half cocked swinging fists left and right and threatening someone Melissa had a history with really gave her little to no choice on how she handled it. Jane settled on the belief that she owed Melissa an apology and realised that the therapy was actually working. She felt a little lighter just from reaching that conclusion all on her own.
Jane picked up her dinner plate and took it into the kitchen to wash it. Maura would not be impressed if she came home to see Jane had been eating in the living room, the small act of rebellion itself had felt freeing, but Jane was more than content with it being a private act of rebellion. She didn't need to upset Maura to embrace her desire to rebel a little. Maura had been quite understanding and willing to do whatever was necessary to help Jane with her recovery, and Jane had appreciated that.
She hadn't just started therapy like Maura had requested, but had found she still wanted to attend the Alcoholics Anonymous meetings too. She didn't genuinely view herself as an alcoholic, but maybe she was, she didn't know for sure. She just knew that when things got hard she wanted to drink, and nothing was harder than talking about her feelings. So she had stuck to the program and it too had been helping.
Maura had said something about being home closer to half past seven and so Jane decided to change and swim some laps in the pool, because yes Maura had a swimming pool. Jane had never ventured out the back door on her first stay with Maura, but this time she had been given the full tour. The backyard was long and wide. There was a small pool house, the pool, and a path that travelled all the way down the back and a path that wound around the side of the house to the small garage. There were several trees, including a couple of fruit trees, flower beds and a vegetable garden. Maura really had found herself a small piece of paradise.
It had become an almost daily routine, swimming laps, just allowing herself to get completely out of her head. Her only focus were her mechanics and breathing properly while pushing her body to its limits. Some mornings she would run with Maura, but early mornings were not her friend and thankfully she had garnered some understanding on that topic too. Besides, Maura had come home a few times to see Jane making use of the pool, so she knew that Jane was getting the exercise she needed for her mental and physical health, which was all she needed to be satisfied.
After finishing her usual number of laps Jane climbed out of the pool and took a quick shower to wash away the chemicals from the swim. She dressed and returned inside. She still had a little time up her sleeve before Maura returned so she decided to switch over to ESPN and watch Sportscenter. It was a comfort to immerse herself in the familiarity of home via sports highlights, but sometimes it made her yearn for Boston. She considered calling Melissa, to reach out and make even more impressive progress, but figured she might be busy with teammates or even Kelly, who had apparently stayed back after the friendlies with one of the Team USA assistant coaches, who also happened to be the head coach for the Chicago Fastpitch team.
It felt weird that Kelly still updated her on what was going on with Melissa, but she was starting to realise that it was just her friend's way of making sure she eventually did the right thing. She figured baby steps wouldn't hurt. She composed a quick message on her phone and texted Melissa.
Saw the news, congratulations on making the final. Good luck tomorrow.
Satisfied with her progress for the day she put her phone down on the coffee table and made herself comfortable on the couch. She was snoozing before she knew it and woke up a little while later to Maura's hand gently shaking her awake. Jane yawned and stretched and offered her girlfriend a sleepy smile. "Hey Maur."
Maura sat down next to Jane and gently patted her knee. "Hello love. Have you eaten?"
Jane nodded a little and shifted so that she could wrap an arm around Maura and draw her in for a side hug. "Leftovers demolished. How was the meeting?"
"It was rather rudimentary. Nothing too exciting. How was your session with Doctor Levinson?"
Jane turned her head to the side and shot Maura a playfully annoyed look. "She gave me homework, Maura. Homework!"
Maura smiled a little, gently patting Jane's knee once more. "Homework is how you make solid progress Jane, otherwise you risk stagnating and making little to no progress. Though based on your demeanour I think you are just complaining for complaining's sake."
Jane leaned over and pressed the briefest of kisses to Maura's lips. She then offered up a cheeky grin. "Can't slip anything past you Maura."
"Let me know if you need to discuss anything. I'm just going to fix a light dinner." Maura wanted to simply encourage Jane and support her on her journey. She would absolutely participate if asked, she just didn't want to pry too much, as she knew how Jane was. Things needed to be approached when she was ready, and therapy was a private process.
Jane watched Maura exit the room before reaching over to her phone to check on whether or not Melissa had replied. She hadn't, which didn't really surprise Jane. It was baby steps, and one of those steps was learning to be more patient. She couldn't expect immediate responses and reactions. Those around her were not all necessarily moving at the same speed.
Jane put her phone back down and followed Maura to the kitchen. She pulled up at the counter top just inside the doorway. The counter ran in an L shape parallel with the hall wall and around the corner to the wall that backed onto the foyer, right next to the stairs. She bent over the counter, elbows down and face in hands, watching Maura as she went about her preparation of a salad. "Missy hit a home run to send Tasmania to the final game of the nationals today."
"So I heard," Maura replied conversationally. This had become their habit, Jane would open up more while she was focused on other things. She welcomed Jane being open in whichever capacity worked for her. "Gabby sent me a text message that was so exuberantly full of emoticons I needed Brad to help interpret it for me."
Jane chuckled. She still didn't really like having anything to do with Gabby, but she was Maura's friend, and history or not, Jane would never ever try to take that away. She had always been a confident woman, but it was nice to see how far Maura had come from the socially awkward medical examiner she was when they first met, to this vibrant university professor who still had her moments, but was socially accepted and thriving in her environment. She could never take Maura away from that. It made her happy. Jane just had to find a way to function in it at her best, which was what she hoped Doctor Levinson could help with. "I can only imagine. It made the local news. Missy looked like she was living her best life."
Maura paused what she was doing, suspecting that Melissa was the subject of Jane's homework. She looked over at her girlfriend and studied her closer. "How does that make you feel?"
Jane shrugged. "I'm glad she's happy, Maura. I've done a lot of thinking today, and a lot of talking. It hasn't been easy but I've realised that I've been misdirecting a lot of my anger. So I reached out and sent her a text congratulating her on her achievement."
"I'm proud of you, Jane." Maura said softly, her eyes lingering long enough for Jane to see her feelings were genuine, but not so long as to make her uncomfortable. Maura returned to her salad preparation.
Jane smiled, but it faded. A wave of melancholy washed over her and she felt it best to leave the kitchen. She still had residual anger with Maura that she couldn't so easily think her way around. They probably needed to talk, but she hadn't wanted to taint the fresh start they were undertaking. She was making progress and there was no need to undermine that by trying to take on too much at once. She just learned to take her leave when the sad or angry feelings started making themselves known.
Maura heard Jane depart and let out a sad sigh. She looked at the spot where Jane had been and shook her head just a little. She reminded herself that Jane was trying, and doing the work. She knew that she had hurt Jane when she had told her she wouldn't take her back if she changed her mind after choosing Melissa.
It was a realisation that had occurred to her a couple nights after they had settled into their romantic relationship. She wanted to apologise, but she didn't want to bring it up at a bad moment and end up where they were the day she had attacked Gabby. The venom in Jane's words that afternoon had left their own little scar, and it was not a place that Maura wanted to visit again. So she was left waiting, hoping that Jane would eventually broach the subject when she was feeling comfortable talking about the matter.
Maura was happy, incredibly so. Having Jane there with her, being able to express how she felt in all manner of ways, brought her much joy. Being able to live her life, teaching the next generation, and socialising with friends of her own had left her feeling like her life was fulfilling. Jane brought that feeling of being whole to her life, and most of the time she saw nothing but a wonderful future for them. Jane was making progress, and doing all the hard work; it was actually quite impressive. Unfortunately there were moments when she would look at Jane when she didn't know she was there, and the sadness she saw in her detective was absolutely palpable. She missed home, and her job. Of that Maura had no doubt. She wasn't sure Jane knew how to be anything other than police and that may be the biggest hurdle they faced as far as longevity went.
Maura finished her salad preparation and her thoughts also reached a necessary conclusion. She would need to compromise some of her own beliefs to use her sway, influence and money to make sure Jane had every opportunity to pursue any career in Launceston that might bring her an ounce of joy. Losing Jane Rizzoli to the pull of Boston, was not an option.
February, 2012
Blacktown, Australia
Melissa experienced a lot during her brief stay in Sydney. It was unfortunately a stay without Gabby, who had finally been able to pass her physical and was sent back to active duty. She had no opportunity to take any further time off and had missed out on the excitement of hanging with a few members of Team USA. Kelly still extended the offer even after hearing that Melissa and Jane had broken up, because as Melissa had found out, there were some interesting ulterior motives.
Melissa had done some private workouts with several of the Team USA women, and the assistant coach, who also happened to be the head coach of Kelly's Chicago team. It had been a bit of a whirlwind of excitement and then the championships had started and somehow the Tasmanians had won enough to have a showdown with New South Wales. Hitting the walk off homerun had Melissa feeling the highest of highs. Having hit it off the woman who suited up on the regular for the Australian team, was extra icing on the proverbial cake.
Melissa suspected all the work she had done with Kelly both in Boston and the days leading up to the tournament had contributed to her self belief. She couldn't rest on her laurels though because she wasn't done; she wouldn't be done until she lifted the championship over her head and created Tasmanian sporting history.
Given all that had been happening, Melissa had convinced the Tasmanian officials to allow Kelly in the dugout with them for the championships. It wasn't exactly a hard sell to have an international star of the game join them. Melissa had organised a get together with the team on the eve of the tournament to ensure everyone could get their nerves in order. Kelly had been quite friendly in chatting, signing a few things and giving out some advice. The team settled, the rest was history and now, they were in the late stages of a very tight contest with Victoria, for the right to be crowned national champions.
Melissa and Kelly sat at the end of the dugout, keeping to themselves, while the Tasmanians were attempting to score first. It had been a real defensive display from both teams. Melissa was the fifth up to bat at this stage, which meant theoretically she could be the second to last at bat for the game if her team didn't get on base in this or the next inning. She was too nervous to watch. The nerves had left her alone all tournament until this point. She glanced sideways at Kelly who was studying the Victorian pitcher closely, clearly looking for a pattern, weakness, a tell. Something. Anything that might help.
"This is so freakin' surreal," Melissa admitted. Still stunned by the fact that at the end of 2011 she thought she was destined to be facing off against Kelly Carter, not be sitting side by side with her having developed a close friendship.
Kelly turned her head so that she was looking at Melissa who grimaced as her teammate struck out. That was one out. Only five outs left in the game to do something. "What is?"
"Me, sitting here side by side with you. Being in this game. Not being blown out in this game. All of it."
Kelly smiled softly. It still struck her as strange that Melissa felt starstruck. It wasn't as if she was some multi millionaire quarterback or movie star, she was just a girl from Boston that could underarm a ball really fast and with accuracy. "I'm happy to be here, you know that and you have played outstandingly in this tournament. You've inspired your team."
Melissa resisted the temptation to roll her eyes, because she knew this was just Kelly's personality, not some level of lip service. She was down to earth and supportive. The sound of aluminium colliding with leather drew Melissa's attention back to the diamond. Alesha had found a gap between shortstop and second and ground the ball into the outfield for a base hit. "Oh now we're cooking."
"Find a way to score now, then hold 'em out and it's game over." Kelly was feeling all levels of excitement, she suspected more than Melissa was. Her friend was clearly in the zone and focused, but she was able to enjoy the moments as they unfolded, because who didn't love a good underdog story?
Melissa was on her feet, standing at the cage that protected the team from foul balls, hands gripping for dear life as the count filled, and then Erica was walked. They had two on base now, which meant a runner was in scoring position and she was daring to think that she may get an at bat in the current inning. She put on her batting gloves and picked up her bat. It felt perfect in her hands. She was about to head for the on deck spot to practice her swings when she felt Kelly's hand on her wrist. "What is it?"
"If she wipes the back of her hand on her cap, she's sending the heat down the middle."
Melissa grinned. "Thanks for that." She quickly made her way out of the dugout and took up position, practicing her swings on each pitch. She watched with interest the hand movements of the pitcher and noticed the same thing that Kelly had pointed out. After waving off a call and eventually nodding at her catcher the pitcher had wiped her hand on her cap and thrown a blistering strike straight across the middle of the plate. It was such a strange little tell, but Melissa was glad to have it when Naomi struck out. Leaving them with one out for the inning, and four for the game to get a run on the board.
With two runners on base this was their best opportunity for the entire game and now here she was again in a position to set her team up for victory. She walked over to the batter's box and set up, bringing her bat to position she watched and waited, taking the first pitch to see what the pitcher had in her. It was an off speed that painted the corner, which left her licking her lips in anticipation. They weren't going to pitch around her, which she probably would have done if she was coaching the team. Loading the bases is always risky but only needing one out, she would trust her team's defense to get it done and not let a home run hitter have free reign. She was glad that the Victorians were showing their hand. They were confident. As they should be, but she was ready.
The next two pitches were also off speed, but they both missed the outside corner. The count was in her favour and the pitcher continued to throw the off speed stuff low and away. It was nerve wracking as the count filled up. At this point if it was even close she had to swing and foul it off. There had to be a fastball coming soon, but she hadn't seen the tell, so if it was, it wasn't coming down the middle. She pulled an inside fastball foul down the left field line. She stepped out of the box and called time. She adjusted her cleats and gloves and took a moment to breathe before stepping back into the box. Melissa's eyes narrowed in on the pitcher and then she saw the tell, she grinned, and waited.
She strode forward with her front foot, planted it firmly and swung through right across the middle of the plate, her bat made contact with a satisfying tonk and the ball flew deep down the left field foul line headed for the fence. She started jogging towards first, her eyes watching, waiting, hoping it didn't hook foul. The roar of her team behind her was all she needed to put her head down and run the bases, having hit a three run homerun to give Tasmania a pretty hefty lead given the state of the game.
Melissa's foot hit home plate and she felt a sense of exuberance and relief. She had every faith that they would finish the Victorians off. She walked into the dugout and gave high fives to her entire team as she walked back to her spot at the end of the bench next to Kelly. She bumped fists with Kelly and grinned uncontrollably. She had to keep reminding herself the job wasn't done.
"You made her nervous," Kelly commented. "The way she tried to get you swinging at the soft stuff, and then you wouldn't and she didn't have faith in her arm. It was a freakin' masterpiece."
Melissa simply nodded, watching the next Tasmanian at bat. She reached down to grab her glove when the Victorians threw her out at first base. She grinned at Kelly, "Three up, three down."
"Three up, three down." Kelly agreed. The spectators had fallen into a hush and Kelly could feel their nervous energy, she herself was rooting so damn hard for Tasmania to finish the game just as she and Melissa had forecast. Three batters. Three outs. Get it done, don't leave the door open. She was on her feet, with her hands pressed together in front of her mouth in prayer. She wanted this for Melissa, almost as much as she had wanted Olympic Gold.
Victoria hadn't made it to the final by being terrible. They were a team made of grit and determination. They fought back, starting with a homerun to open the inning. It was not the start Tasmania wanted to give, but it had happened and now the score was three to one in the island states favour. Kelly could barely look. The Tasmanian pitcher was understandably tiring, and nervous, but she managed to force a ground out at first and earn an excited fist pump from the American.
Another out, this time a strikeout and Tasmania was one out away from history, but Kelly was biting her nails with nervousness. The pitcher was fading fast, the thought reinforced by the next two batters who each got on base with singles. The Tasmanian coach called time and jogged out to the pitcher and chatted with her to calm her down. Meanwhile in centre field Melissa's anxiety was palpable. Victoria's biggest hitter was at bat.
Melissa sprinted into the infield, they were in the exact same position that she had faced while batting. She wanted them to do it differently. She had faith in Tamara, and she had faith in the team. "Walk her," she said firmly to the coach. "Walk her and let Tammy take on someone less dangerous." It wasn't a slight against her teammate, as she would be the one in the pickle with bases loaded, but they only needed one out. There was no sense giving Victoria the best opportunity to extend the game. Make them earn it.
Tammy felt buoyed by the tactic, as she knew she was fading, and she didn't have many good pitches left in her arm. Wasting them on a hitter that would work the count just like Melissa had, may not end well, but this plan, this plan could work. "I agree, coach."
The coach nodded and Melissa sprinted back to her position. The game restarted and Tammy walked the clean up hitter. This was the moment. A ground ball and it was over barring an error, and so she went low and away, but the hitter was patient. The count filled up and Tammy looked directly at Melissa, who simply nodded at her, a sign of confidence. She sucked in a deep breath and set up for the pitch, she flung a fastball, which was meant to be low and inside but it floated across the middle of the plate and the ball went sailing back over her head, she turned and watched as it headed for the fence in centre field.
As soon as the ball left the bat Melissa knew it was going to be deep, she sprinted back towards the wall hoping beyond hopes that it would fall in her reach. The wall was fast approaching and the ball looked like it was going to drop just the other side of it. She launched herself at the wall, digging her cleat in and extending her hand up, she felt the thunk as the ball entered her glove and then she landed on her feet. Several seconds passed as she stood a little stunned, then reached into her glove and held the ball in the air. Out number three. Tasmania were champions.
Melissa felt the tears come first and then she felt her knees buckle as she fell back against the fence and slid to the ground. The look on her face was pretty lost, and she realised her teammates in the outfield were at her side, concerned. "I'm fine," she murmured, accepting the hand offered. Back on her feet she forced a bit of a smile, and hugged her fellow outfielders. She wasn't injured, she was simply overwhelmed. She joined her teammates as they started jogging into the infield where all the celebrations were taking place. At that moment she really missed Gabby. She wished Gabby could be there. She wanted nothing more than to jump into her arms and kiss the smirk off of her face.
Melissa felt all the pats on the back and hugs and high fives, but she mostly experienced it all on automatic pilot. It was still so very surreal. She looked through the crowd of players and coaching staff and locked eyes with Kelly, who hung back at the entrance to the dugout. She grinned and jogged over to her and wrapped her up in a huge hug. "Thank you," she enthused, finally feeling buoyant.
Kelly hugged her back and laughed, "How many fucking heroics in one week, Missy?"
Pulling out of the hug Melissa just shrugged. "Clearly as many as it took."
Kelly gave her a strong pat on the back and said, "You're a history maker today. If you don't walk away with all the silverware I'll be surprised."
Melissa just shook her head. It was a team effort. Looking back at the infield the teams were gathering around. "Come on, you're wearing green today, you're one of us. You're as much a part of the reason we won as I am."
Kelly simply nodded and walked side by side with Melissa over to where the Tamanian team were shaking hands with the Victorians. After the congratulations and commiserations were done the presentation for the most valuable player of the game and tournament were first cabs off the rank. It wasn't a surprise to anybody in attendance other than Melissa herself, that she was the winner of both awards. She walked over and accepted the medallions, a little embarrassed about the fanfare. She just cared about her team, and being the captain of the team she got her hands on the trophy first. She kissed it before raising it in the air above her head jubilantly. It became clear in that moment, that the personal accolades had never been what the championships had been about for her.
After the team had descended upon her and many photos were taken with the cup she had left the cup with her team and pulled out of the exuberant celebration. She found Kelly again and the pair walked in silence back to the dugout, where she grabbed her gear and they headed inside to the changerooms. Once in there she slumped down onto the bench and pressed her head back against the wall. Her eyes fixed on Kelly, but she had no words.
"Are you okay Missy?" Kelly was concerned by the subdued behaviour she had seen from Melissa. She had honestly thought after that complete annihilation of the Australian selectors doubts in her, that she'd be a lot happier. "You were fucking amazing out there."
"Yeah, I was." Melissa agreed, but it wasn't arrogance. It was just a moment of realisation that she may have just played the best she would ever play in her entire life. She may have just reached her pinnacle, and it had never included international play. "Yet I still feel so hollow."
Kelly sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. She gave her a pretty fierce side hug and said, "There are going to be some opportunities come out of this. Trust me on that."
"I dunno Kel, it might be time to hang up the cleats." She had reached her zenith, international play was a pipe dream. It felt fitting to go out on top.
"Don't be stupid. If you were an American citizen, at the very least you would be getting tryouts for the national team."
"But I'm not, and prejudice is what it is. I'm mentally stronger than I have ever been, I got my head right during that hospital stay, but it means nothing to selectors."
"Well, you could always marry me, then you'd be able to really show 'em at the World Championships in a couple of years." Kelly was grinning, it was just a joke, an attempt to bring Melissa out of her funk.
Melissa managed a small laugh. Bumping Kelly's shoulder with her own, she said, "I'm not sure Gabby would approve. Besides, the goal has always been to wear green and gold, not red, white, and blue."
"Come sign with Chicago. Face the best North America has to offer and tell me it wouldn't be a bigger honour to wear the red, white, and blue. Especially if it meant you could face the green and gold and break their hearts the way they broke yours." Kelly hadn't intended to encourage the insane idea, but discussions with her coaches proved that Melissa would be in the damn US team if she were a citizen. That's how good she really was, but the Australian had no idea, because all she knew was that her country didn't want her playing for them. That broke Kelly's heart.
Melissa turned to look at Kelly, "You're serious, aren't you?"
"As serious as a heart attack."
A/N: What's a soap with an impending sequel, without a little intrigue and a little fanciful thinking? All my thanks for all the recent support, I appreciate it so much and cannot wait to get started on the happy established rizzles in the sequel (I cannot believe I said that). We may wanna say a prayer for their friends though... things might get bumpy so I can fulfil my need for angst muahaha.