Ana
I hear a steady beeping next to me and smell a very specific scent... it smells like disinfectant. Am I in a hospital? Suddenly, I remember, Mia's birthday party... me using the upstairs bathroom because all the bathroom downstairs were occupied... and then the sharp pain in my belly just when I was about to take the first step downstairs... me losing my balance but failing to find something to hold onto to stop the fall... then I remember hearing voices, doctors saying I needed to go into surgeries and begging them to save my daughter's life... and then nothing.
Instinctively, I reach for my belly, but it's gone... my baby... what happened to my daughter.
„Ana, don't, sweetheart, you are going to hurt yourself."
„Annie, please, try to breathe." I hear first Grace and then my Dad, but all I can think of is my child. What happened to Arielle.
„Arielle?" I gasp and somehow manage to open my eyes.
„It's ok, Annie, you had a c-section after you fell down the stairs. Arielle is fine, you can see her in a bit, but we need you to stay calm, you've been in a coma for almost two weeks."
„My baby... please... Dad, where is my baby."
„Ray, why don't you go and get her while we check on, Ana." Grace says and my Dad nods.
„I'm going to get your baby, Annie, but please try to calm down, she is fine." He says and kisses my forehead before he leaves.
„Is she really fine?" I ask Grace.
„Arielle is perfectly fine, Ana, she had to spend one night in the NICU, but she has been home for over a week now."
„Home?" I ask, how could she have been home... her home is with me and I am here.
„You'll see. A lot has changed since your accident." She says and shines a light into my eyes.
„Now, tell me, are you in pain?"
„No, I'm just really thirsty and sore." I get out, my throat feels so dry.
„Ok, here, take the straw, but you need to take very small sips darling." She says and so I do and it makes me feel better instantly.
„Thank you." I whisper.
„You're very welcome, now I have seen that you can move your arms, can you move your feet for me too, but please only very slowly." She says and my eyes widen, am I paralyzed?
„Are you trying sweetheart?" She asked and I shake my head.
„I'm scared, am I paralyzed Grace?" I asked.
„You had injuries to your spine with some major swelling, if you can't move your legs it will be only temporary, but we need to know to treat you accordingly." She says and I nod and try to move legs which at first feels like moving dead weight, but then I manage.
„Why does its feel like I have run a marathon, Grace, all my muscles ache." I whisper.
„You have not moved for almost two weeks, it will take some time for your muscles to get used to the movements again, but we will get you started with physical therapy tomorrow, very light at first because you still have a lot of healing to do, but it is important to get you back on your feet to prevent you from getting pneumonia." She says and I nod.
When the door opens, I expect my Dad to return, but instead, I am looking at Christian, he has a diaper bag hanging over one shoulder and is carrying our baby in his arms. My first instinct is to jump up and snatch her from his arms. Why is he even holding her when he didn't want anything to with her... he left the country to avoid being anywhere near her and now this...
„Ana." He says when he finds me awake and I can't believe what I'm seeing, so I look at Grace and she gives me a big smile and a nod.
„I ... why are you here?"
„I came home as soon as I heard that you fell down the stairs... I'm so sorry, baby... for everything... but we can talk about that later, Ray told me you want to see our little princess and she has been waiting for you to wake up too." He says and sits down on the edge of the bed.
„We've been visiting you every day... it's the highlight of our day... well that and all the midnight feedings." He says with a wink and holds Arielle so I can look at her, I want to hold her so bad, but I don't trust myself to be able to, so I just look at her and can't help but cry.
„Is she really ok?" I ask.
„Yes, don't worry about her, baby. Arielle is healthy as a horse and does perfectly fine. She is a great eater, has me constantly change her diapers and loves bath time."
„You?" I stutter not able to get out a full sentence... is he taking care of her... is she staying with him...?
„Yes, she is staying with me at our home... but we can talk about all of this later. Here, I can help you hold her."
„I'm scared I will drop her." I gasp.
„You won't, I'm right here, baby." He says and places her gently in my arm,s while holding his arm out to support me in holding her.
„She is so beautiful." I whisper. In this moment, all I can do is to look at her, she is so beautiful... and I can see both Christian and myself in her.
„She has your eyes and hair... but I'm pretty sure she has my temper, she can get loud when she wants something and doesn't get it right away." He says and it makes me smile, even though I'm still worried about the fact that apparently, no one stepped in when Christian just swooped back in to take her home.
„You really take care of her alone?" I ask needing to get confirmation.
„Yes, I'm not scared anymore... well, at least not scared of being in her life. I'm more scared of other things now, but we are a great team... even though she already has me wrapped around her tiny little fingers."
„That's what girls do." I whisper while looking at my sleeping daughter. I hope Gail and Taylor are at the big house with them... if Elena comes anywhere near my child I will murder her... and Christian as well.
„I was told so by everyone. Look, I know this is not the right time, but I need you to know that I won't leave again. I want us to work this out and be a family." He says and it makes even more tears run down my face.
„I don't think I can just go back." I whisper. All the lies and hurt... and his apparent change of heart could be just another web of lies that will come crashing down on me and now my daughter one day.
„I know, baby... too much has happened... but I'll prove to you that I'm worthy of a second chance... just don't give up on me." He says.
„I haven't." Which is true, but I know this is just me still clinging on to the hope of my fairytale ending and not the reality I will have to face as soon as I'm better.
„That's all I need to know for now. Right now, I want you to focus on getting better, take all the time you need to heal and I'll cover the rest."
„Can you bring her to see me again tomorrow?"
„Yes, we've been here every day and we will be here every day until you can go home."
„Take lots of picture and videos of her, ok? I don't want to miss anything."
„I will... and I already have, at this point she probably thinks the camera and my phone are just more people that come to visit her each day." He says and it makes me smile, not for me, but for Arielle, because if Christian can prove that he is willing and able to change, she will have a father in her life.
The next day I have to start physical therapy and even though it has been just small movements, I feel like I have just done a full body workout. Everything is just exhausting and all I want is to sleep, but I know Christian will bring Arielle in later. After he left yesterday I asked for a phone and called Gail. I just needed to make sure that Arielle is really well taken care of and that Elena is getting nowhere near her. She assured me that Christian is taking his new role as a father very serious and then handed the phone to Taylor. When he told me that Christian let the old bitch into the house and thereby in the presence of my daughter I damn near had a stroke, but Taylor assured me that he was present for their conversation and he is positive that this time he really did cut her loose. I'm not convinced, but at the very least I'm now more comfortable with the thought that Arielle is staying with him because I know Gail and Taylor are there to make sure nothing can happen to her.
When he does arrive he looks at me and frowns. „You are upset." He says and I shrug.
„I called my mom, it didn't go well."
„What did she say?"
„I asked her if she would come back to Seattle so I could see her and she told me she couldn't leave Bob again. I don't even know why I'm upset, it's not like she ever put me first anyway."
„I'm sorry she upset you, but maybe your other visitors will make up for that." He says and opens the door to let Jose and Adam in.
„Hey Ana, we came back as soon as Christian called to tell us you are awake. How are you?"
„Sore, tired... but I was told that's normal." I reply still shocked that Christian called them and is tolerating Jose and me being in the same room.
„I have to make a phone call, do you think you can hold her?" Christian asks me and places Arielle in my arms before he leaves the room.
„She is already as beautiful as her mommy." Jose says when he looks at Arielle.
„She is amazing... did Christian really call you?"
„Yes, we were here a few days after you were hospitalized, but had to go back to New York, Christian promised to call when you are awake."
„Have you talked?"
„I'd say we've reached a silent agreement to be polite around each other for your benefit." He says with a smirk.
„Well, that's something right?"
„Are you back with him?"
„No, I don't think I can just forgive and forget... I have to learn to trust him again or more so figure out if I ever will be able to trust him again. The issue wasn't just that he didn't want to have kids, but all the lies and that he let me go through trying to get pregnant when at the time he had to believe that it wasn't going to happen. That hurt more than anything else. Still, he is the love of my life, so I'm willing to work on our issues if he is willing to do the same. Right now though, I want to focus on getting better so I can leave this place and be with my daughter. My doctors think maybe in a week or two I can leave."
„Take things slow, Ana. You've been in a coma. I know you want to go home and be with your daughter, but you have to think of yourself in this situation. She needs you to be fit and healthy before you can take care of her and Christian has it covered."
„I know, I just... I feel like I'm missing out on so much and I don't want to miss anymore."
„You won't. You can see her every day." Jose says just as Christian walks back in.
„Are you ok, baby?"
„I just told Jose that I might be able to go home in a week or two."
„Your doctor told us you will need at least two more weeks here." He says with a frown.
„I told him I want to go home as soon as possible." I admit.
„No, Ana, you almost died, you need time to recover."
„But I don't want to abandon Arielle." I confess.
„Is this about your mother?" He asks and I look at my hands.
„Ana, you are nothing like your mother and you are not abandoning your child, you are in the hospital so you can get better to be healthy and able to take care of her. Christ, you put her life over yours before she was even born. I'm so sorry that your mother is such a disappointment, but you are nothing like her, don't ever think that you are."
„She said I would one day understand that children are not the most important thing in a person's life and that they shouldn't be. I don't want to be like that."
„You are not, Ana. You have never been anything like her and what she is telling you is bullshit. Just ask my mom, she is the most caring mother and will always put her children first."
„I know... just talking to her made me really upset." I admit, it has always been that way with my mother and I hate it.
„Look, I can't tell you what to do, but maybe you should wait to talk to her again until you are better. You need to surround yourself with positive people and if your mother isn't that cut her off until you are able to deal with her." Adam says and I nod. I know he is right, but it's hard.
„You need some rest, Ana. We'll be back tomorrow." Jose says and I nod.
„Do you want me to talk to Carla?" Christian asks when we are alone in the room.
„No, I can deal with her myself." I reply. Him caring for our daughter while I can't is one thing, but I'm nowhere near ready to have him act caring around me and I think my tone made that clear.
„I cut Elena off." He says.
„You told me the same thing six years ago... and this time I cannot trust you."
„I know... but I will earn your trust again." He says and I know he believes it, but I don't know if I can.
„Well, I need to bring Arielle to my parents now, I'm going start seeing John again." He says and I sigh.
„He didn't help you in over ten years, Christian. Maybe it's time for you to see a different shrink."
„He knows me." He says with a shrug and I kiss my daughter goodbye before he takes her from me, leaving me alone with my inner battle of wanting to trust my own husband but not being able to and it is driving me insane.
There will be another bonus chapter this week...