Authors' Note:

Spectre: Before we commence with the festivities, we should address the layout of our stories. We had planned this endeavor to be simply a screenplay-esque format with the fans of both universes applying their love and knowledge of the franchises to fill in the gaps in terms of characterization and atmosphere.

Spartan: Now, we have received some (constructive) criticism that this format is boring, and we want to let the readers know that we ARE listening to their opinions. So...if we receive enough reviews asking for this parody in book format, we will turn our past and future scripts into a format that you guys would enjoy more.

Spectre: This is not meant to be taken too seriously. Just having some fun and we hope you are too! Also, let us know if there is a scenario you want played out! And if you like what you see, shoot us a note then as well! It's always good to see positive feedback.

Spartan: And also we'd like to throw out a shout-out to these awesome people. Thanks for following and favoriting, guys!

TheHunter94

danialzkz

freechimchangas

inuboy86

Armorheart

Spectre: And yes... favoriting is now a word. Just go ahead and add it to your word document dictionary. You know you want to.

Both: Spartan and Spectre, out.

THE FLOOD

At the break of dawn, a team of marines marched down the ramp of the INFINITY, outfitted and fully equipped for the mission that lay ahead. Sgt. Johnson and Arbiter stood side by side gearing up themselves.

"Woken up at 0400 only to find out that those freaks are back." Johnson said with a sigh. "I thought it was going to be a fine morning."

"The defilers have been driven back into the confines of the ancient tunnels." Arbiter replied. "They shall not evade us for long."

Johnson checked the ammunition in his shotgun then snapped it back. "That's just great...playing hide 'n' seek in the dark."

"Hey fellas, wait up!" came another voice. Turning to look, they saw James Vega, Tali and Mordin jogging up to them.

"We thought you could use some help." Vega said with a cocky grin. "I've been itchin' to get out of that ship." The Arbiter shook his head.

"This one you cannot help with, human. The Flood is not an easy foe and is nothing like anything you have ever faced."

"Arbiter, with all due respect," Tali purred. "We've faced down Reapers the size of cities before. And from what I hear, the flood are far less threatening."

Mordin nodded. "Opportunity to encounter new species. Cannot pass this up." Johnson and Arbiter made eye contact for the briefest of moments before looking back at the untested heroes.

"Listen we appreciate the offer." Sgt. Johnson finally said. "But seriously, this is not for the inexperienced." Vega visibly bristled.

"Hey, Smokey, watch who you're calling inexperienced."

"Besides," Tali interjected. "We all know your marines are nothing but cannon fodder."

Beamish, who had been mopping in the corner suddenly looked up and glared silently, his eyes boring invisible holes in her helmeted head. Arbiter turned and started down the ramp, leaving the final decision to Johnson. The marines had gathered at the entrance and were in position for entry. Johnson shoved a shotgun into Vega's hand and said with a warning undertone, "You'll need one of these." And off he went. Vega straightened up as Johnson joined his compatriots, leaving the others alone at the foot of the ramp. Before entering, he turned back and yelled

"Stay together! You might also want to find yourselves a group of cannon fodder!"

After they disappeared into the tunnel, Vega shook his head.

"The arrogance of that old man never ceases to amaze me."

"Now we know what you'll be like when you're older." Tali quipped. Vega flinched.

"Ouch."

The three of them started for the structure and entered the darkness. It was dark, damp and quiet until the muffled sounds of gunfire echoed from somewhere within the twisted tunnels. Tali jumped and let out a small squeak.

"What was that?"

Vega turned to look at her with a quizzical expression.

"Uh...gunfire?"

"Right. Sorry"

"Fear causes some to abandon learned responses and revert to more primitive instincts." Mordin supplied. "Not uncommon in mammalian bipeds."

"Scared, Tali?" Vega asked.

"What? No.."

Suddenly, a scurrying noise sounded down the hall and they focused their scopes into the dark. The lights on their guns barely penetrated the darkness but the scurrying had stopped.

"Some light would be good." Vega said, uncapping a flare and tossing it down the hallway. It landed in sparks and rolled a little further. A shambling shape receded down the hall with a gurgle. They tightened the grip on their guns and huddled closer together.

"What the hell was that.." Vega whispered.

"One of the flood, most likely." Mordin replied ominously. The trio hesitantly progressed as a single unit.

"Mordin, what do we know about the flood?" Tali's voice reverberated against the silence.

"Not much." came the reply. "U.N.S.C very secretive about them. Own civilians do not know of their existence." Vega rolled his eyes.

"Well that's just..." Suddenly, they came to a grate at the end of the passage that had been peeled aside, the opening covered in slime.

"Disgustingly terrifying.." Tali finished, hiding slightly behind Vega. Mordin bent down and began to scan the substance with his Omni-tool.

"Fascinating. Scans indicate rapid deterioration, traces of amniotic fluid. Spores? No, not plant like..."

"Can we stop analyzing it and keep going?" Vega growled.

"Here here.." Tali agreed.

Ignoring their protests, Mordin crouched closer to the gate, muttering to himself.

"Doc, let's go!" Vega pressed.

All of a sudden, a whip-like pair of arms wrapped around Mordin's neck and a gaping face appeared from the grate. Mordin cried out and clawed at the tentacles around his neck.

"Holy Mary!" Vega yelled, grabbing his shotgun and shooting the creature in the head. The head flopped backwards but it kept trying to pull Mordin inside with a tortured groan.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Mordin cried out, his legs kicking furiously.

"Grab him, James!" Tali cried. Vega yanked Mordin back, exposing the Flood's mangled neck. Tali fired her shot gun and the head blew off with a grand display. Mordin scurried away from the body.

"Never again. No more grates. Never."

"Keelah..those things are terrible." Tali said. Vega leaned in to look at the shoulder of the creature where a bit of U.N.S.C uniform could be seen.

"God... is that..."

Mordin reverted back to scientist mode and crawled back. "Flood a parasitic organism. Inhabits other living forms to survive

"That just ain't right." Vega said with a shudder. Tali tapped Mordin's shoulder.

"C'mon. Let's go. The sooner we get out, the better."

They turned the corner and continued down the hall in slow, measured steps, their ear listening intently for any possible sound.

"Well at least Johnson was right about the shotguns." Tali said in an oddly chipper voice. " I knew I liked him for a reason."

"Can we not make small talk, please?" Vega said. His stomach still hadn't settled from the encounter earlier. Mordin froze in his tracks.

"Um.."

Tali didn't seem to notice.

"I was just trying to.."

Mordin pointed desperately, grabbing Vega by the arm. Vega turned.

"What?!"

He looked to where Mordin was pointing, his light spotlighted a small, bulbous creature rubbing it's tentacles together. It turned slowly, almost innocently, to look at them.

Tali lowered her gun slightly and inched forward in curiosity.

"Aww?"

Vega grabbed her forearm and pulled her back. Wary of the little ball.

"Don't make any sudden movements. Either of you."

The little creature gave a hop as if for joy and began to delicately flit down the tunnel towards them. It glowed an almost incandescent green in the dark, its little arms stretched wide as if in search of a hug.

"You know..." Tali said hesitantly. "It's kinda cute...in a creepy...hopping little toadstool sort of way..."

"Guys... I don't think we should let that thing get near us." Vega warned as he slowly drew back.

The creature continued to hop excitedly down the tunnel at them.

"Agreed." Mordin said.

They continued to back down the hallway, going back the way they came around the corner and past the grate. The creature followed them slowly picking up speed until it suddenly stopped by the unfortunate Marine's body. It turned to look at it and then walked around it almost sadly. Its miniature tentacles hypnotically waved in a melancholy way.

"Aww..."

Then, suddenly rubbing its arms together like a chef about to begin, he leapt up into the air and burrowed aggressively into the body.

Mordin, Vega and Tali grabbed onto each other and screamed in horror. Ferociously, the creature continued inside until the headless marine rose slowly with a gurgle, stumbling over its rotten feet.

"Sweet Mother of Jesus!" Vega shrieked

As they backed away yelling in fear, Vega fired round after round into the resurrected corpse. The creature gradually slowed after so many rounds landed with a wet thud in its chest and then the body collapsed, almost melting into the floor.

Mordin, ever the dedicated scientist, was first to regain his voice.

"Smaller creatures responsible for spreading disease...I wonder how they are created...

"Can we please just go home now?" Tali moaned.

"I'm with you. Let's find the others."

Instead of going forward, the trio followed the sound of distant gunfire down a side passage. The winding maze eventually led to a very large room. As they crossed the threshold the door suddenly slid shut behind them and Vega's light flickered out.

"Great...JUST great." Vega sighed bitterly. Tali gasped.

"James...do you hear that?"

Soon a quiet scuttling noise began to swell in volume.

"Not good." Mordin drily observed.

At once, the room lit up as some sort of backup power supply began to illuminate strange blue light fixtures on the wall. Dozens of those small creatures turned in unison; a large squidgeing sack seemed to contemplate them for a moment before tumbling forward and exploding.

"Holy SH-"

"KEELAH!"

"AHHHHH!"

Meanwhile, somewhere in the forerunner facility

Arbiter and Johnson, along with a squad of marines were calmly and methodically fighting back a horde of flood. Long hours of experience have made this a routine.

"Do you think they thought to take comms with them?" Johnson said over the gunfire.

Arbiter seemed to consider the thought as he fired a round straight into the skull of a flood.

"Unlikely."

"Ugh...Come on. We better find them. The marines can handle themselves, right boys?

The poor marines looked at each other with frightened expressions and raised their guns higher. The pair walked for a while, chatting casually about human and covenant architecture and which was superior. They calmly mowed down any flood in their path when a sudden high pitched shriek filled the air.

"That ain't one of ours...I HOPE that ain't one of ours."

Arbiter immediately took off at a run down the hall.

"This way."

They passed through an archway only to see the Normandy crew up on a block in the center of a large room, surrounded by infection forms.

"What th-Are those idiots firing shotguns on the little ones? Everybody knows you use an assault rifle!"

They leapt down into the firefight, their guns blazing. But for every one they killed, more combat forms streamed into the room. Vega shouted at the top of his lungs over the sounds of the fighting.

"Johnson! I hate you SO much right now!"

"Son, the way I see it, you should be kissing my ugly face in thanks!

"Can we focus here?" Tali shouted over the blazing gunfire.

Johnson and the Arbiter fired a hailstorm of bullets, popping every one of the little creatures. The final two combat forms bum rushed Arbiter who expertly fired two kill rounds. Suddenly, Flood of all shapes and sizes came roaring through the door and rushing towards them.

"We've got ourselves a hive!" Johnson growled.

Tali shouted down at him "We can't hold them off like this!"

An infection form began to wiggle its way up Johnson's leg who butt it off with his rifle.

"Let us up there!" he cried out, scrambling to climb.

Now all five stood up on the block staring down the shambling hordes. Vega was back to back with the Sergeant.

"Johnson, if we don't make it..."

"I know boy...I know."

"Mordin!" Tali shouted dramatically. "It's been an honor!"

"Likewise...wouldn't have it any other way."

After resigning themselves to certain death, a loud explosion from one of the vents caused all the creatures to stop and turn. Out of the cloud of shrapnel and debris leapt the Master Chief, dual wielding SMGs, mowing down the larger forms before throwing frag grenades left and right with deadly accuracy. He rolled away from one of the large exploding ones and hit it with a incendiary grenade. With a loud bang the burning shreds slowly floated downwards around his imposing form.

The whole room fell dead quiet. Dripping with sweat and an unnamable goo; they all gazed in silence at the silent killing machine standing before them. Vega was the one to break the silence.

"Whoa."

The End.

Authors' Close:

Spartan: *Jumps up in chair and screams into megaphone* WAY TO GO CHIEF! THAT'S MY BOY!

Spectre: *jumps up startled, and snatches megaphone* Take a chill pill, girlfriend... sheesh.

Spartan: I'm sorry it's just...that...*sees Spectre's look* Oh come on. Even you can't deny that was awesome!

Spectre: Awesome? Yes... worthy of deafness? No. But that's okay. The table will turn in the Alliance Navy's favor... just you wait...

Both: You guys know the drill.