A/N: So, I know I have been a little quiet lately, but I wanted to let everything unfold first. But I have been reading the reviews and I know some of you are not happy with them getting a divorce and feel that Ana has been selfish by going through with it. I can see where you are coming from, but at the end of the day, this is fiction because, in real life, they would have gotten divorced before he even moved to Taiwan. The reason why I didn't have them divorce then is because I knew Christian would come back to take care of Arielle after Ana had the accident. I might be wrong about this because I'm more familiar with the German law, but had they been divorced already it would have been hard for Christian to take Arielle home. Anyway... for those of you who have been reading my stories for long, you should know by now that I like drama, heartbreak, and plots that could easily fit into any kind of soap opera, because to me that's the beauty of fiction, you can take characters and put them into situations that hopefully would never play out like this in real life, but that's just what I like... So, yes, they got divorced and left a broken marriage behind them to now move on and build a new relationship, grow as individuals and find their way back to each other...
Two more things... some of you asked for longer chapters, so I tried to make this one longer and it's almost 5k words, which is double my usual chapters... you're welcome :) And to the guest who asked why my quotations are all upside down... lol, I didn't realize that until now, I don't use the spell check on my writing software, because I use Grammarly, which by the way is amazing, so my setting was in German and here the quotations are like that, but I fixed it for this chapter and have changed the settings so it won't be mixed up from now on...
Christian
"Look at you, princess... you can put it away." I laugh when I feed Arielle the last spoonful of the baby oatmeal with mashed bananas that is her breakfast.
„And she didn't even reach into it and threw it in your hair." My Dad says amused over his newspaper.
„We won't bring pea-gate up ever again, Dad... I hope Mom doesn't notice the stains on the wall." I mutter, trying not to laugh about last nights events when I tried to feed my daughter mashed up peas. She didn't like them, reached into the bowl and with the aim of a pro landed a handful in my hair and another one on the wall behind me, which must have been hilarious to her, because my little girl was belly laughing just looking at me. Took me almost an hour to get her, myself and dining room cleaned up, which at the time wasn't hilarious to me, but now I do want to laugh about it.
„She's already seen them, son... don't worry, I already called someone to have it fixed and your mom was laughing too when I told her what happened."
„Man, Arielle has good aim." I mutter and my Dad laughs.
„That she does... did she sleep through the night?"
„Like a stone... but Ana already said that she is a good sleeper..." I say and think about Ana. It still hurts to think of her as my ex-wife, because if things would have gotten my way we would still be married... but for once in my life, I couldn't be selfish.
Seeing Ana upset and pleading with me to see her point of view was an eye-opener. Because with everything that was being done to me I just needed her in my life. And I was clinging on to her so hard that I didn't even realize it was driving us apart. I wanted to make her happy, but my vision for her to be happy was not what she needed and I was too far gone to see that or allow myself to realize that our marriage wasn't perfect. I needed the illusion of it being perfect to keep myself going because subconsciously I knew I wasn't in control of my life, so I needed to be in control of Ana.
Now, that I realize it, I'm actually surprised she didn't kick me to the curb way before and that she is still in my life. The funny thing is, getting a divorce has brought us closer. Where Ana had been stiff and compliant around me before, she now seems relaxed and happy and that is the Ana I fell in love with. The girl that didn't understand my rules and need for control, so she would just tell me things as they were... only with time that girl went away and my wife became my submissive.
At the time, it was what I needed, now I want the girl back that would call bullshit when I would say and do something she didn't see eye to eye with. It's also what I want for my daughter as a role model. I don't want her to grow up thinking it is normal for a man to say jump and the woman just ask how high... no, I want my daughter to be strong and independent, but at the same time kind, caring and respectful... like her mother.
I've talked a lot with Elliot lately and he believes that Ana and I still have a second chance, because we never stopped loving each other, but I'm not so sure. I want to believe it, have to, to keep my sanity... but part of me fears that with time Ana will realize that she can do way better... find someone who comes with less baggage, is less complicated and can give her the life she wants.
To be honest... I would kill every fucker who would dare to come close to her. In my eyes, there will never be anyone good enough for her, not even myself, but I'm selfish and I want her back in my life.
„Honey, Taylor is here." My mom says and I nod.
„Can you watch, Arielle for a few minutes, Mom?"
„Of course... he is in your Dad's study." She says and I kiss my daughter's chubby cheek before I leave the dining room and find Taylor in my Dad's study.
„Hello, Taylor."
„Mr. Grey... I'm glad you are back home, Sir."
„Me too. Now, I want to know what you are doing to find Elena Lincoln." I say. So far, I have let Taylor deal with everything while I was working on getting better, but now I need answers and the first is where Elena is and how I can get away with murdering her or if Ana was right and it has already been dealt with.
I watch as Taylor gets up and locks the door, which is not a good sign.
„Sir, what I am about to tell must remain in this room." He says and I nod.
„We caught her shortly after the Flynn imposter was arrested... to be exact, Mr. Steele caught her, your father was involved too, but he convinced Mr. Steele to let me handle everything." He says and I know what he is about to say before the words have left his mouth.
„Mrs. Lincoln is where she deserves to be... she will never be able to harm anyone ever again."
„Did you..." I ask.
„No, Sir... I handed her over to people who know how to handle a situation like that... to the world, she will forever be on the run." He says.
„Who else knows?"
„Your father, Mr. Steele, and Ana." He says and that makes me gape at him.
„Why Ana, she doesn't need to carry this with her?"
„She was in the car with me when I got alerted that her father had captured Mrs. Lincoln. Naturally, she was very upset because she feared it would be her father who took justice into his own hands. She doesn't know any details, all she knows is that Mrs. Lincoln is no longer a threat to anyone and that neither her father or your father for that matter were involved in her demise."
„I see, what measures are you taking to make sure no one suspects that we know something?"
„Security on all the Grey's is still increased, we work with the cops... all is covered, Sir."
„Good... what about Rhion?" I ask, I always liked her and it must be horrible for her and the boys to find out that her husband is a true monster.
„She is moving back to California. I believe Ana has sat up a trust fund for the boys to make sure they will never want for anything and she also has helped Mrs. Flynn to get in touch with a good divorce attorney and realtor to be able to start over soon."
„Good... if you hear that she needs any help, please do let me know... is there anything we can do to make sure the bastard won't get out of jail?"
„There is no way he will get out. The D.A. wants you as a witness, however, knowing what was done to you, you won't have to be in the same room as the bastard for your own protection." He says and I shudder to think that there are still triggers left planted deep in my brain that could make do anything the crazy fucker is saying.
Dr. Harper and I have been working a lot on this, but like he said, what was done to me in a time period of more than a decade will need more than a few months of therapy to be completely reversed.
I'm still in awe that I can even allow myself to trust another shrink, but Dr. Harper is just what I need. He is tough as nails, doesn't take any bullshit and at the same time is very understanding of the fact that I'm a skeptic now when it comes to any form of therapy. On more than a few occasions when I was just angry at the world he allowed me to skip my therapy session in favor of beating the crap out of punching bag in the clinic basement. It felt therapeutic but also concerned me because I didn't want my sadistic tendencies to come back to the surface.
Dr. Harper, however, assured me that needing an outlet for my anger was perfectly normal for anyone who would be unlucky enough to find himself in a situation like mine. I guess he is right and I'm furious about what was done to me... but at the same time a tiny part of me... maybe the abused, abandoned little boy I once was, is just thinking this is what my life is... it's a cruel pattern of abuse, pain, and abandonment that I need to end now. I don't ever want to be a victim again... and in order to get there, Dr. Harper believes I need to see myself as a survivor, which is hard for me because the stubborn, arrogant part of me refuses to admit that I'm a victim.
I want people to see me as strong, successful and untouchable... not scared, weak or abused, but it is all part of me and I have to learn to accept that.
„Sir?" I look up at Taylor who is still in the room with me and give him my attention.
„Yes?"
„I was just wondering if you have plans to move back to the house at the sound or Escala?" He says and I look at him for a moment.
„No, for now, I want to stay here... I'm thinking about putting the Penthouse up for sale... I wouldn't want to live there again and the house at the sound isn't a good place for me to be at either... too many memories. I have to talk to Ana... see how she would feel about me selling it as well." I let him know and soon he leaves and I make a quick stop by the kitchen where Gretchen is doing the dishes.
„Gretchen, my... Ana will be here soon to accompany my daughter and I to the zoo... can you have a picnic basket ready for us in thirty minutes?" I ask and want to roll my eyes when she blushes... Christ, she must be in her thirties by now and she is still acting like a giggling school girl whenever she sees me.
„Of course, Mr. Grey... is there anything else I can do for you... anything at all?" She purrs.
No... not today Satan! „No, that would be all... just make sure to pack lunch for my daughter as well and an extra bottle of the bottled water that is for her." I say and leave the kitchen.
„There you are, honey. Is everything alright, you look irritated." My mother says when I find her with Arielle on the patio and I want to stay quiet, but I just had it with Gretchen.
" I'm fine, but could you by any chance let your housekeeper know that I'm not interested and would highly appreciate it if she would stop trying to flirt with me? I would do it myself, but I would probably be less... diplomatic." I say.
"Of course... has she overstepped her boundaries?" My mother asks concerned.
"No, but she also isn't hiding the fact that she wants to f... be intimate." I catch myself when I see my daughter looking at me. She hasn't started to speak yet, and I don't want her first word to be the f-bomb because I know Ana would be furious with me if that was to happen.
When Ana arrives she I just look at her for a second and take in her appearance. She is dressed in black skinny jeans with black leather flats and an emerald-colored sleeveless blouse with a bow at the neck. It's nothing I would have picked for her, preferring to see her in skirts to show off her amazing legs, but it underlines her youth, while still looking classy. At first, I took over her wardrobe because she wasn't the best at picking outfits, but later it became a necessity for me, because Kate and Mia always tried to talk her into the most sexy clothes, which weren't too much to wear in public, but still enough to drive me insane. So, I took over, but now I have to say that Ana really has gotten good at finding her own style... so much so, that I have seen her in the IN section of some magazines recently.
"Hi... did she give you any trouble?" Ana asked when she walks up to me.
"Nope, we are a dream team." I reply with a smile and Ana smiles too.
"That's good... because I have a feeling our daughter is going to turn out to be a daddy's girl." Ana says and it warms my heart to think that one day I might have the same close relationship with Arielle that Ana has with her Dad.
"I hope so." I reply.
A little later we are at the car getting everything ready when a very amused Taylor walks outside with the picnic basket.
"Something funny, Taylor?" I ask.
"Permission to speak freely, Sir?"
"Go ahead."
"I just stepped into the kitchen to get the basket while your mother was ripping Gretchen a new one... it was quite entertaining."
"Did she hit on you again?" Ana asks clearly annoyed.
"Pretty much, I asked my mother to handle it, because I thought she would be more diplomatic... looks like she wasn't." I reply and I have to say, for some reason, it has always been the biggest kick for my siblings and I to see our calm and collected mother get her claws out because Grace Grey is scary and not to be messed with when she is pissed.
"I would have paid to see that exchange." Ana says amused and gets into the backseat with where Arielle is already in her seat, though she looks surprised when I get in the back seat too and Taylor gets in the front.
"You aren't driving?" Ana asks.
"No, I'm riding in the back with my girls." I tell her with a smile and also there is something I want to talk to about with Ana, so this may give me the opportunity to do so.
"I know with everything going on you probably didn't have time to think about it, but have you thought about Arielle's christening?" I ask and Ana looks at me in surprise.
"Oh my god... I haven't even thought about it yet... but yes, I want to get her christened."
"Good... because I was thinking about whom I would want to raise to our daughter if god forbid something was to happen to both of us."
"Do you have someone in mind?" She asks.
"Yes, my first instinct was Elliot... but I hope you will understand that I do not wish for Kate to raise my child. We are civil at most and I fear that her dislike for me would be reflected on Arielle."
"She is my best friend, but I understand where you are coming from, so I agree, Kate and Elliot might not be the best choice." She says surprising me.
"Now my next thought was Mia..." I say and have to stop myself from laughing when I see the alarm in Ana's eyes. Don't get me wrong, my sister has a heart of gold and is a loving mother to her children, but she also has a parenting style that I do not agree with. Her children have no rules, no punishments and can do however they please, even if they want to draw on the walls, throw their food or stay up until midnight because she wants them to express themselves however they please... which to me sounds like a recipe for disaster.
"Christian, I love your sister, but if god forbid we both die before Arielle is eighteen, I don't want Mia to raise her." Ana says and I smile.
"I know... I feel the same, children need love and should be able to express themselves, but they also need rules to turn into productive members of society... which led me to my final decision, which I hope we can both agree on." I say and hand her a note. She looks at it and then looks up at me in surprise.
"I... are you sure?"
" Do you disagree?"
"No, actually I'm delighted." She says and looks at the note that reads Jason and Gail. Jason has proven to me time and time again that I can count on him and he already has a daughter who he absolutely adores and while Gail may have quit when things got out of hand I know she didn't do it to spite me, but because she felt Ana was the one who needed her the most. And while she doesn't have children of her own, I know that she will be a loving and caring mother to any child given in her care.
"Good, if you want to, we can talk about it later some more." I say because Taylor is driving and I want to be sure Ana and I are on the same page before we ask them.
At the zoo, however, things soon turn sour because what I thought would be a fun family trip has turned into Arielle, Ana and I feeling like zoo animals, because everyone is staring at us and taking pictures, while Ryan, Luke, and Reynolds who have followed us here try to make people delete them.
"This is a fucking disaster... maybe we should just leave and forget about the picnic." I sigh and Ana looks at me, at this point, she is carrying Arielle and is covering her face with her hand to stop people taking pictures of her.
"How about we go somewhere else... we can have a picnic in my backyard, you haven't been to my house yet." She says.
"You would allow me in?"
"Christian! What kind of question is that? You can stop by at any time." She says startled by my question and it puts me at ease because I wasn't sure how me seeing Arielle and Ana would work now that we are divorced, but knowing that Ana is ok with me stopping by at her place instantly puts me in a better mood.
At her place, I smile because once again Ana has managed to decorate her home in a way that reflects her personality perfectly.
"Can I see Arielle's room?" I ask and Ana walks me upstairs and into the nursery which is beautifully decorating with what looks like handmade furniture.
"Did Ray built the furniture?"
"Yes, he made all the furniture and Elliot painted the walls because he didn't want me to breath in the fumes."
"I should have done that." I murmur.
"Christian... you have done so much for our daughter already... even with everything that was done to you... you came back and took care of her when I couldn't... and just look how much she adores you... does it really matter if you painted some walls that are probably going to repainted at least ten times before she moves out to go to college?" Ana asks and I know she is right... it doesn't matter... but still, I hate the thought of how much I missed out on.
"You are right... and they have done an awesome job... did Ray built the rocking chair too?"
"Yes, I love it so much, I'll put it in my study or in the living room once I don't need here any longer. Now, I think Arielle needs a new diaper..."
"I'll change her, how about you unpack our picnic in the meantime." I suggest as I take Arielle from her and Ana leaves the room.
When I step out in the backyard with Arielle, Ana a blanket on the grass and I sit down with Arielle.
"Your neighbors are close." I say and she smiles.
"It's a normal family home with neighbors close by... but they are fine. On the right is an elderly couple with two cats and a dog. She was a librarian and he used to teach at WSU. And on the left is a single Dad with two boys." She says and I frown.
"A single dad?"
"Yes, but don't worry, he is in his late fifties and not my type at all... in addition, he likes women at least five years younger than me, which has gotten to be a single Dad of two because both mothers left him with the kids."
"Sounds like a great guy." I mutter with sarcasm dripping off my words.
"He sure is, the other day he had to stop by to pick up a parcel that was delivered to my house instead of his and he told me if I was just a few years younger I was exactly his type, to which I replied that my father owns multiple guns and would use them if I was younger and a guy his age would try his luck with me." She says and that makes me laughs.
"I'm sure Ray would have done just that... but on a serious note, if that bastard bothers you, you let me know and I deal with him."
"I think I can handle him myself, plus Arielle adores his younger son Brody who has just turned two and he loves her too."
"What... why would you say that... no no no, Arielle is way too young for that... what did the little shit do?" I say and press my lips together when Ana starts to laugh.
"Christian... he is just a little boy... he wanted to share his cookie with her..."
"Well, there will be no more cookie sharing anytime soon." I reply, I know I'm irrational, but I can't help it. At first, it's innocent and cute because they are small children and then it ends in teen pregnancy... but not with my baby girl.
"Look, it's all innocent, they are just babies... and besides, once Arielle starts kindergarten she will meet many more little boys."
"Kindergarten is overrated Ana... we can enroll her in an all-girls school."
"Stop it." Ana laughs and throws a grape at me.
"Look, I know I sound like an actual insane person... but did you know that the rate of teenage pregnancies is rising again?"
"Yes, I heard that too, but our daughter is six months old... so we have twelve and half years before she even turns into a teenager... and when she does... or if she starts her period before that I will talk to her and explain to her what it, how important condoms and contraception are and that it is best to wait until she is old enough to handle an unwanted pregnancy or until she has found someone she wants to spend her life with."
"You know, when the time comes, I'll either get gray hair overnight or go bald in an instant. I mean with boys you just tell them to wrap it and not get involved with jailbait, but girls... god damn... the thought of anyone wanting to have sex with my daughter drives me insane." I confess, I know it's not right, but it's how I feel.
"Well, that just means you are feeling the same way as every father who loves his daughter does. It's what society and tradition has taught us... and it's one stereotype I hope never goes away because as a daughter of very protective father I can appreciate him being overprotective of me and I'm sure it will be the same for Arielle once she realizes that you aren't trying to be buzzkill, but only are looking out for her best."
"Hopefully... but can we keep the all-girls school as an option?" I ask making her laugh again.
"We can discuss it when the time comes... I just want the best possible education for Arielle, so when she is old enough to apply to college she has all the options there are to choose from."
"I want that for her too. Maybe one day this little angel will take over GEH." I say, I might be old school when it comes to anyone dating my daughter, but I do want her to make a career she can proud of, no matter if she wants to step into my or Ana's footsteps or if she wants to choose a different career path.
As the day goes on, I have to stop myself from staring at Ana all the time, she just looks happy and all I want is to ask her to go on a date with me, but I know it's too soon. Dr. Harper believes I need to take baby steps, so I won't end up holding Ana to impossible standards and obsessing over her again. It's not easy, but part of me just wants to say fuck it, grab her, have my way with her and get re-married tomorrow... but I know that won't fix my issues or be healthy for either of us... still it's a very enticing thought.
"Hey, daydreamer... what has you smiling like a loon?" Ana asks amused and by the look on her face, I know she knows.
"Nothing..." I say and she smirks.
"Funny, I've been thinking a lot about nothing too." She says deadpan.
"Have you now?"
"Yes... so how about we meet for coffee on Wednesday... we can talk about Arielle's christening and maybe how to get to a point where we can do nothing together." She says.
"Why Mrs. Grey, that does sound very intriguing... I shall pick you up Wednesday afternoon then."
"Looking forward to it." Ana says and walks me and Arielle to my car.
"I'll pick her up tomorrow late afternoon... have fun." She says as I'm about to get in my car, but I stop and lean in and kiss her cheek.
"Tomorrow." I whisper to her get into the back of the car with Arielle and nod at Taylor to start driving and can't help my own smile when I see a smile tug at the corner of Taylor's mouth from the review mirror.
I'm not trying to get my hopes up too high yet, but I know I'm on the right path and this time no one is going to stop me from getting my happily ever after.