A/N: Thanks for all the fab feedback, reader peops. Now, for this chapter, Kleenex on standby - you have been warned!
(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)
Chapter 12
They were avoiding the topic and they both knew it. When Jess called Rory to ask her if she wanted to go out tonight, he refused to say anything about it being the last chance before she left, and she never mentioned it either. It hurt too much to think about, and way too much to say. After less than three weeks of knowing each other, they were head-over-heels, as crazy as that seemed, and by this time tomorrow she would be on a plane, heading a couple of thousand miles away from him. It was too cruel, and yet it was true.
It was Rory's idea to meet up at one o'clock, presumably to spend as much time with Jess as possible before her departure. The words went unspoken even then. They spent the whole of the afternoon on the boardwalk, hanging out around the stores and the stalls. They marvelled at the view and took pictures. They walked on the beach holding hands and kissed like the first and last time all rolled into one.
In the bookstore, Jess told Rory to pick out any book she wanted and he would buy it for her, no matter the title, no matter the price.
"What if I chose the Encyclopaedia Britannica?" she joked, barely holding in a giggle, he was sure of it.
"That's not just one book," Jess pointed out, "but if your question is about the cost of the book, I don't care. Get something that makes you happy. Whatever the price tag, I'll pay."
He said it like it didn't matter, like what he was offering was perfectly normal and reasonable. It wasn't. Sure, Rory was most likely going to pick out something ordinarily priced for him to buy her as a parting gift, but he wanted her to know what she meant to him. Somehow this was easier than any other words, even though the gesture wasn't exactly huge.
The way she was looking at him right now, Jess could imagine he just offered to shower Rory with diamonds or at least buy her the whole book store. He would've sworn he could see tears in her eyes as she leaned forward and planted a sweet kiss on his lips. When she pulled back, she was smiling.
"I know exactly which book," she told him then, taking a hold of his hand and leading the way.
Jess wasn't paying particular attention to where they were headed, which shelves or what section of the store. When Rory picked up the title she wanted and handed it to him, he must have looked as confused as he felt, because she quickly explained her reasoning.
"It's how we met," she reminded him. "We reached for the same book."
Nodding his head, Jess smiled at the memory. It was all of a few short weeks ago, and yet it could've been a year, a decade, since he and Rory both reached for this very book and grasped each other's hands instead. Looking down at her fingers wrapped in his again now, it never occurred to Jess to let go.
"This is how I want to remember you. Me and you. Us," Rory explained, swallowing noticeably hard.
Jess shook his head.
"Don't do that," he urged her. "The day's not over yet."
Rory seemed to try for a brave smile, but it didn't quite come out right. Jess pulled her closer and put his arm around her shoulders, walking her over to the cash register to pay for her book. On the bus, he took the special purchase from her and scribbled notes on one of the blank pages. Handing it back, he stopped her when she looked like she was going to read it.
"When you get home, okay?"
"Okay," she agreed.
They sealed the agreement with a kiss, moments before the bus arrived outside Pacific Park. It had always been Jess' idea to take Rory there on her last day. He had this romantic idea about taking her on the Ferris wheel one last time, just as the sun was setting. The view was at its best then, the perfect mixture of dark and light. She would get a last look at the beach, the boardwalk, and all from up high, and then in the darkness that followed, the epic sight of all the coloured lights.
Jess hadn't considered that Rory might get emotional, or that she would so easily take him down with her. They were at the top of the Ferris wheel when she turned to him, one tear streaking down her face, and told him how much she was going to miss him when she got back home.
"You won't," he told her, wiping away her tear with his thumb. "You'll get back to your life and that'll be that, but I'm going to miss you like crazy, Rory Gilmore," he promised her faithfully.
The next thing Jess knew, her arms were locked around his neck and she was kissing him like it was going out of style. Knowing he only had so many chances left, he kissed her back with equal passion, pulling her as close as he could, putting everything he felt into the moment.
"You really are crazy if you think I won't miss you," said Rory, hugging him tight. "I love you, Jess Mariano. I really love you."
He wanted to say it back. He had before and he meant it, but in that moment with her crying and holding on so tight, he hadn't got words. Jess never felt like this about anybody in his whole life before, and wondered if he ever would again. Somehow, he doubted it. At seventeen, it ought to be impossible to meet someone and know they were the love of your life, the person you were supposed to be with forever, forsaking all others, and yet he knew. Jess was just so sure that Rory was the one.
"C'mon," he urged her, noticing their gondola had reached the ground again. "Rory, c'mon," he said again, when she didn't budge, encouraging her away from the ride.
They walked around the park a little more, his arm around her back and hers around his waist, her head on his shoulder.
Jess had so much he wanted to say and yet none of it would form into words he was willing to put out there. Nothing could fix this or make it better. Rory was leaving first thing in the morning, that was an absolute, and nothing they said or did here tonight would change it.
"Are you coming to the airport tomorrow?"
The question caught Jess unawares, even though he had been thinking about the answer for a week or more. When Rory stopped walking and turned to face him, he knew he had to tell her the truth.
"I can't. Ror, it's... it'd be too hard," he said, shaking his head.
"So, we say goodbye tonight," she agreed, looking away.
"No, not goodbye," he insisted, taking her chin in his hand and making her look at him again. "I'll see you again. I'm coming to visit, right?"
"Right." Rory nodded, though she didn't seem much happier. "Jess? Will it be the same?"
He wished he had an answer to that one, but days of wondering had brought him no closer to knowing. There was a vast difference between a summer romance and a fleeting visit to somebody's real life. Every movie, book, or TV show he had ever seen that involved this kind of situation usually proved that taking a relationship born in a vacation out into the real world barely worked out well. Transitioning like that wasn't easy, and besides, that was assuming they could even maintain what they had with a couple of thousand miles between them, both before and after his visit to the east coast, whenever that might be.
"I wish I knew," he said eventually, feeling like such a jerk when Rory bit her lip.
She was trying to be stronger, but it wasn't entirely working out. Jess knew how she felt and that only made it worse. Putting his arm around her again, Jess led Rory towards the gates and out of the park. They went down onto the beach and walked along the shoreline in the moonlight, a total cliché but for once Jess didn't care. He wanted all the stupid romance novel moments, the crappy montage from the ridiculous movie where the characters got their highly unlikely happy ending. Maybe, just maybe, he and Rory could have that, somehow.
"I want to remember everything," she said softly beside him. "All the details of tonight, all our dates, the first time we met. I want to remember it all, everything," she repeated.
Her eyes were closed when Jess glanced at her, presumably her attempt to file away all the pictures, all the moments they had shared. Pulling Rory into his arms, Jess watched her open those beautiful blue eyes again and marvelled at them one more time. Those eyes were burned into his soul, her name carved on his heart. He didn't have to try to remember every detail of her or the time they spent together. There was no way he could ever forget, even if he wanted to.
"Remember this," he said, leaning in closer and putting his lips to hers.
If there was such a thing as a perfect kiss, then Jess wanted this to be it. He doubted such a thing were possible or existed at all, but he did what he could and then pulled Rory too him, holding her tight, whispering in her ear.
"I love you, Rory Gilmore. For all that you are, all that you have been, and all you're yet to be."
She was tearful but smiling when they parted, on a Hemingway quote, no less. Then it was time to take her back to the hotel for the final time.
They didn't need to say goodbye, they knew this was the end of something that neither could explain. Jess didn't try to kiss her when they parted ways, it would sully the moment on the beach, the one he wanted to hold in his heart and his head forever, the one he wanted Rory to remember always.
When he got home, Jess was only mildly surprised to find Sasha waiting up for him. She was sat on the couch, hugging a pillow, pretending to care about whatever was playing on the TV even though she had the sound so low there was no way she could hear it.
"How're you doing, kid?" she checked, hitting the button on the remote to turn the TV off altogether.
"Mostly okay." Jess nodded. "Pretty sure I left something behind somewhere," he added, one hand at his chest, where his broken heart was living now.
Sasha didn't say anymore. They both knew she didn't need to. She just got up, walked over to Jess, and pulled him into the world's biggest motherly hug. He wasn't sorry to receive it, or the kiss on his temple when they parted and said goodnight. It had been the best of days and the worst of days, he thought, dropping face-first onto his bed, not sure get whether to be happy or sad that it was over now.
To Be Continued...