Summer Games

Blair and I definitely had the hot and heavy honeymoon phase everyone had anticipated. We were determined to not lose ourselves in one another and to make sure we remained who we are to not fall into a rut.

Once Summer was over it quickly came to an end. After my chat with Nate I realised that maybe Blair was just doing this for me, which I was determined to get out of her, after all, all I wanted was to make her happy, I didn't need the game, I needed her to be happy... with me.

New Beginnings

Blair spent most nights at my place, I really enjoyed living together, despite how soon it may have been, like I stated earlier, she was all I'll ever want. That's why I objected to her living in the dorms at NYU. She'd be better off staying with me, she was too good for that school. But you know Blair, and once she sets her mind to something... you can't talk her out of it.

Blair had changed me, made me open up to all the possibilities my heart would have denied before. I wanted to be the man she'd be proud of. I thought about our future a lot and what man I want to be. So I was inspired, to do more, to accomplish something in my life, and that too, would prove my father underestimated me. All I had to do, to achieve my goals was bid on a painting. I still look back and laugh at Georgina's failure that day. But still, Blair kept things interesting. I really had to focus on work to be able to succeed, which meant no distractions, especially Blair. It's definitely hard to concentrate when you get a taste of the most beautiful woman I know is standing in front of you. She definitely wasn't happy about my distance, which is why she almost won the painting... disturbing my lack of focus.

But the big picture arose as it always did, and Blair giving in proved to me that she truly believed in me. That was really all the assurance I needed... and because I had her by my side, I was able to do something great for our futures. I found The Empire.

Pay It Forward

As things were turning up for me, Blair was in a rut. It was sad to see the most powerful woman I know cling on to constance and give up. I know NYU was not our cup of tea, but I needed her to know I believed in her too. So I teamed up with Jenny Humphrey, if I hadn't, we all know Blair would take her crown and Jenny wouldn't stand a chance against her without me. It was an elaborate plan, but necessary, even if I had to pay the photographer. After all, Dumbo could always fly, just needed a magic feather.

Once Blair had remembered exactly who she was, I was more than happy to help her with her latest scheme. She had regained her power and new minions and was ready to take on NYU, I was proud. But finding out that she had manipulated me in the process did hurt. After all, I knew what little respect she had for those she manipulated, and it was hard to think, even just for a moment that she thought so little of me.

The Empire

I focused on work, trying to keep Blair's recent tricks out of my head. I thought I was doing well to not let my feelings affect my business but as you saw, the theme of my latest club party was the 1920s, I guess Blair influences me in more ways than one. I realised she should be here for this, she is the one who inspired me, and I thought if I had accomplished it all without her help, maybe she would respect me again. But she had her own plans.

Finding out once again that she had betrayed me, just proved my insecurities. Does she really not respect me? I thought this party would make her proud of me and yet, she still felt that I couldn't do anything without her. I know now that this wasn't the case and she just wanted to get back into my good graces but at the time it just felt like once again, she makes me powerless.

But we're Chuck and Blair, Blair and Chuck, we were going to get passed these false thoughts and work it out, I just realised that we need to discuss some ground rules and number one was, keeping our scheming talents focused on others, not each other.

New Page

Things were going well for us, together and individually. Of course there were times we disagreed and had to play a little dirty, but that's what kept things interesting, me plotting to fix her friendship with Serena, or arguing over whether Carter was genuine or not. I couldn't help but get a little tense whenever Carter's around, was hard to get the Carter/Blair fiasco picture out of my head, Blair defending him just rubbed me the wrong way.

But like somewhat mature adults we rose above it. Until the anniversary of my father's death. I let him get inside my head and my insecurities were kicking in again. Being soft, being vulnerable, that's what lead me into Blair's manipulation in the first place. But after Serena's accident, I definitely received a wake up call. Don't push Blair away, I realised that day more than ever, that she truly loved me, and she has done so much for me, and I wasn't going to lose sight of that, the positive was always greater than the negative.

Elizabeth Fisher

It seemed like my life was picture perfect, I had my own hotel, I had the love of my life and... a mother. Being vulnerable wasn't so scary when you finally see how much it opens you up to love of good women.

That's why I had hit rock bottom when I found out Jack was behind it all. I couldn't help but allow those dark thoughts to re-enter my head. If I hadn't been soft, this never would have happened.

The Deal

I know it was the worst thing I had done, well, up until that point at least, and if you think it was easy, it wasn't. My head wasn't in the right place, I couldn't even think straight. It may have been just a hotel to most people but to me, it was proof my father was wrong about me, it was proof that Blair believed in me, it was proof that I am capable of being the man I want to be for my future with her.

The Empire was with Jack, and he wanted Blair. I poorly believed I'd get it all. I don't think I had realised how painful it was going to be until Serena had jokingly announced that Blair was probably cheating.

It was a hard deal to accept at all, but it had become real once I saw Jack's note to Blair. It was last year all over again. Jack and Blair are sleeping together right now. I may have orchestrated it, but the visions in my head were engraved in there.

I still felt betrayed, I know how stupid that sounds but it hurt. I guess I had convinced myself that she had manipulated me so many times, that this was only fair. It just ended up hurting me in the process because I didn't want to picture anyone else touching her.

But she found out the truth of the deal. I never in a million years thought she would leave me. That slap definitely made me realise that my unrealistic dreaming that everything would work out was naive. How could I believe she would forgive that, and how did I think we'd return to normal knowing she had slept with Jack. That's exactly what the bastard wanted, me to lose Blair.

Grand Gesture

I was determined to get her back. Finding out she hadn't slept with Jack was probably the most satisfying news I've ever heard. I believed we could make it. When she told me this was the end, I was a stubborn child. She was wrong, she had to be and I was going to do everything in my power to prove it, even if that means threatening every guy on the upper east side to stay away from my woman.

Naturally I played dirty but there was too much at stake to play it safe. I didn't worry though, yes she made me jealous, parading around with that useless rugby player, but I know she loves me. I know I will win her back. So it was time for Blair to give up the game. The ultimatum. I was certain she'd show up at the Empire State building, and I know this was just the grand gesture I needed to make her realise she still loves me.

The Tragedy

I woke up that morning as happy as can be. I was about to get the girl of my dreams, life was taking a turn for the good. I arrived at the top of the building, peonies in hand, I couldn't wait to start the rest of our lives. I knew it was time, time to finally propose to Blair Waldorf, make her mine for good.

But she never showed. I don't think I had ever truly felt heartbreak until now. It cut like a thousand knives all over my body. I was so sure she loved me, I couldn't even face the possibility that she didn't

I got home and poured myself a drink, and then another, and another and so on. Anything to get this aching pain out of my chest. I kept replaying the same words over and over in my head. She doesn't love me anymore.

I didn't care if I lived or died, what was there to live for? I must have been on my 6th drink when Jenny showed up. I could see she was in pain too. Misery loves company after all, but I thought to myself, whatever pain she is in, doesn't compare to what I have just lost. I was lonely and depressed, so was she. It was never my intention to do that to Jenny, It's just all I could think about was how over my life was, and I believe she felt the same. And we both didn't want to be reminded how alone we really were.

Blair showing up at my place with the flowers made my heart skip a beat. I was so happy I almost forgot Jenny was in the room. I mean, all I could think about was, I was right. Blair still loves me!

But then it hit me, if Blair finds out Jenny is in there, I will have really lost her... I was just about to enter when thankfully Jenny had left. I thought I was off the hook. My fairytale was starting. Blair and I had made love and I had everything I ever wanted. She was in my arms again, and I definitely wasn't going to let her go. So I pulled out the ring. I was nervous and excited, all my hopes and dreams were about to come true and my beloved Blair Waldorf would be my wife. It really was a fairytale.

Until Dan Humphrey.

I swear time had stopped, I was speechless. Time had literally stopped and reality checked in. All I could think was Oh my god... this is the end, I've lost her. I tried to think of any words I could say that wouldn't make this night result in losing Blair for good, but I wasn't quick enough.

It was over. Blair knew everything. There was nothing I could do except stand there, paralyzed... It didn't even seem real, I couldn't believe it was actually happening. I have lost the only thing I've ever loved.

Self-Destruction

I wasn't even myself anymore. I felt like a ghost. Blair left me. Losing Blair felt like death, I honestly felt already dead. The world had ended for me. All I had left of her was this ring. That ring and the hope of it was all that kept me alive. Even though there was no chance of me ever getting the life I want with Blair, I wasn't ready to face that fact. I had to stay in denial, I wasn't ready to process a life without Blair Waldorf.

I fought the muggers off hard for the ring because if they had taken it, then I'd have to face the truth.

BANG

The ring is gone. Blair isn't coming back to me. And I'm just... waiting here to die.