Ana

Aspen is exactly what I need right now, a place where I don't have to focus on anything else but Christian and our daughter. No news about the upcoming trial, my crazy ex-best friend or paparazzi trying constantly to get pictures of myself, my daughter or Christian to make a quick buck. Here, I can just sit by the window surrounded by soft pillows and watch Christian as he is making faces trying to make Arielle laugh. It's what I always wanted, how I envisioned us from the day we got married. A happy little family. I just could have done well without all the drama that happened until we got here but I guess that's just the way live goes you get nothing for free, everything comes at a cost.

„You know, I think she got that preference from you." Christian says pulling back from my thoughts and I have to laugh when I see that he was blowing raspberries on Arielle's belly and now she has both her hands in his hair pulling tightly while making happy sounds.

„I have no idea what you are talking about." I giggle and get up to help him.

„Hey princess, how about we leave Daddy's hair on his head where it belongs." I say softly and manage to get her to loosen her grip before she lets go and gives me a pout.

„She grows up so fast." Christian muses, as she starts to crawl after one of her toys.

„She is still a baby, don't worry she won't go off to college anytime soon." I reply as I sit down next to him and rest my head against his shoulder.

„I saw a doctor... I wanted to find out if there was a way to reverse the vasectomy completely and there was, so I went through with it." He says and I when I look up at him he rolls his eyes.

„Let me guess, Mia told you?" He asks and I nod.

„That girl can't keep a secret to save her life... it's like it burns a hole into her if she has to keep it in." He says with an exasperated smile.

„That's an accurate description of your baby sister... but I'm happy you made that decision."

„Me too, Arielle deserves to grow up with siblings. Having Mia and Elliot around was the best thing for me, even if I didn't want to see it then. They can be a lot at times, but I wouldn't trade them for the world." He says and it makes me smile.

„I want Arielle to have siblings too... being an only child can be lonely at times."

„Do you know why your parents didn't have more children?" He asks.

„My mom didn't have an easy pregnancy with me and she wasn't happy in Montesano, I guess having another child would have just made her feel more trapped. Ray would have loved to have more kids but he always put his head over his heart. Money was always tight with my mom living way above what we could afford. I guess he just wanted to make sure he could support a second child and then there marriage went downhill. After I moved out to go to college I always hoped he would find someone, maybe a woman young enough to have children with him, but I guess after Carla he is over women." I murmur.

„Not to sound rude... but that might very well be true, your mother is... a lot." He says trying to be diplomatic and I have to laugh.

„She is... she takes after her mom in that way. She was very bitter about not having lived her dreams... she had four kids, raised them... always working... I don't know, to me she had a great live, she had a beautiful home, four healthy children, a loving husband, but it just wasn't enough."

„And the Lambert's?"

„I don't really remember them, they never approved of my mother and I guess they feared I would turn out like her. They died when I was still a kid, car accident."

„You are nothing like her... if anything you take after Ray... quiet, protective, strong... he raised you well."

„Yes, he did. He is the best Dad any child could ask for." I say and Christian looks out of the window for a while.

„Are you ok?"

„Do you think Arielle will say the same about me one day?" He asks after a while and I smile.

„Yes, without a doubt. You just have to believe in yourself... she already adores you and that won't go away even when she turns into a bratty teenager for a while."

„Wait... do you think she does?"

„It's a phase most girls go through... even I did."

„Really?"

„Yes, after I moved back to live with Ray... I was so angry with my mother because she had married that scum bag and ruined our family... but she wasn't there to take my anger. I didn't have many friends to vent to and so Ray got most of it and you know what he did? I had talked myself into a fit of rage and anger and he just grabbed me and held onto me, he never let go until eventually I allowed myself to have a good cry and then he took me to the dinner, we had desserts and milkshakes for dinner, went to see a movie and never talked about me being awful to him again... he wouldn't even allow me to apologize... he just understood that I needed to let it all out and he was there... so, if this little munchkin for whatever reason turns into a little ball of terror in her teens we just have to hold onto her and love her even more."

„Ok... I can do that... not sure you've noticed, but I can be a tad bit clingy when it comes to the few people I love." She says and bumps my shoulder with his.

„Oh really, I have no idea what you are talking about... do you want a hot cocoa too?"

„With marshmallows and whipped cream?"

„And a cherry on top." I say and get up, but when I reach the open kitchen I turn around and look at him.

„Christian?"

„Yes?"

„Thank you."

„For what?" He asks frowning.

„For not letting me go." I reply and we smile at each other before I turn around make the hot cocoa, put the cookies we made earlier on a plate and carry everything into the family room.

„Do you think Arielle can have a bit of the cookie?" He asks.

„If she gets a sugar rush and is up all night you will have to deal with it, I need my beauty sleep." I let him know and we both watch as Arielle takes her first bite of a icing covered cookie... which to both our surprise she spits out and returns to her toys.

„Did she just spit the cookie out?" Christian asks surprised.

„It's probably too sweet for her liking, she hasn't had something with that much sugar in it until now and actually, I'm glad she didn't like it, she isn't a big fan of getting her teeth brushed and I don't want her to get tooth decay."

„True... so, I thought next week when we return we can talk to Gail and Taylor. I would ask Elliot, but he has enough going on as it is... maybe in a few years when his life has settled down." He says and it makes me smile that to him it is so clear that we are going to have more children in our future.

In the evening after dinner and us watching a movie we both went to bed in separate rooms, with Arielle sleeping in the nursery Mrs. Roberts has put together before we even arrived. Now, I cannot sleep. I have tried reading, laid down with my eyes closed waiting for sleep to come to me, but it is just not happening. I even went downstairs to get a warm milk with honey, but sleep is avoiding me and I know exactly why. I'm tired of sleeping alone, I don't want this anymore... I don't want us to be a family by day and separated by night. I know we both still have a lot to work through... but we are now at a point where we are stronger together, where we can talk about what we want and need... only now I'm a coward and fear that Christian might not be ready.

After almost two hours in bed, I give up. I'm almost thirty, I have a child with this man and we have been married for years, if I want to share a bed with him there is nothing stopping me from saying it. So, I get up and quietly walk to his room and knock.

Five seconds later he opens the door and smiles down at me.

„Can't sleep, Mrs. Grey?" He asks.

„No... Christian, I don't want to sleep alone anymore... I don't want us to live separate... I... I just want us..." I ramble and he picks me up and hugs me tightly to him.

Elliot

„Thanks again for watching the kids, man."

„Elliot, please, stop thanking me for watching my nieces and nephews... I'm not like my parents... yes, Kate is my sister... but she has to be punished for what she has done. She almost murdered Ana and Arielle... there is no way for me to make this sound any less horrific than it is. My sister made her choices and she has to live with them, but we are still family. I hope you know that for me nothing has changed. So, whenever I'm free I'm happy to watch the kids and so does Mia." Ethan says and I nod.

„I know... it's just a lot."

„I know, how about when Christian is back we have a guys night... just get shit faced and forget all the crap that is happening."

„Sounds like a really good plan, he is back tonight... I'll talk to him. See you around, Ethan." I say and get into the car before driving back to my parent's place. I've decided to stay there just for a few more weeks so the kids are distracted by having their grandparents around. Cadie has offered to extend her job description from nanny to full-time housekeeper, but I fear it's a bit much for her alone, so I'm looking into getting a help for her because our current housekeeper had to quit.

Kate's parents are still dead set on racing my children, but after a lawyer explained to them how little their chances of winning are, they have decided not to sue me, which doesn't stop them from calling me at least once a day to tell me how I will ruin the kids and that Kate is innocent and that my family is trying to pin this on her to get rid of her. I wanted to let them know how fucking wrong they are a number of times, but my Dad told me to stay calm and collected no matter what because me losing my cool with them would play into their cards.

So, I stay calm, listen to them, be polite and once they are gone or I've ended the call I walk into my room and punch the punching bag my Dad has gotten for me back when I was a teenager. If this was up to me I would just avoid them, but they are my children's grandparents and they already lost their mother, since Kate is still in jail awaiting her mental evaluation and hopefully her trial. I know it is an awful thing to think, but I don't want her in a mental institution, I want her in jail because knowing Kate all she can think about right now is revenge as she cannot see that she is to blame for her situation.

As I arrive at Bellevue I see Christian's car and Taylor who is inside the car waiting gets out to help me get my kids inside, where I find Ana and Arielle in the family room.

„Look at you Ana Banana, you are glowing." I whistle because frankly, I haven't seen that happy sparkle in her eyes in a very long time.

„I had a great week... how are you?"

„I'll get there, don't worry about me. Where is my brother?"

„Upstairs... packing." She says and bites her lip.

„Packing... were is he going?"

„Home." She says no longer able to hide her huge smile.

„Home but... wait... home as in your home?"

„Yes, for now, we are staying at my place, we want to have some changes made to our home... so, for now, my place it is." She says and I hug her.

„That's awesome... damn, we all needed some good news."

„I know... I just couldn't see the point in waiting any longer... oh, by the way, I've met your nanny... she is adorable." Ana says and I grin... true, Cadie is cute as hell, but she is also only twenty years old and I'm thirty-eight... had I started early, she could be my daughter.

„She is way too young for me, Ana... don't try to play cupid, because I don't think she has a daddy kink." I let her know and Ana slaps my biceps.

„Stop it, you don't look or act your age... you Elliot Grey are a true catch and some women are older and wiser than there years, don't rule her out just because judging by conventional rules the age gaped could be too much. Christian is six years older than I am, but it has never been an issue for us."

„Ana, there is a difference between six and eighteen years... anyway, I'm really happy for both of you, you guys belong together... just tell me you'll still let him out for a guys night because I'm in desperate need of a night with my guys to get blackout drunk."

„I'm sure he'll be happy to hang out with you... and it gives me a chance to have Hanna, Claire, and Mia over for a girls night." She says just as my brother strides in pulls her into his arms and kisses her.

„Sorry bro, now that I can finally kiss my girl again I need to take advantage of it." He grins at me and we hug.

„Can't blame you for that, bro... I would do the same. So, are you down for a guys night this weekend?"

„Sure, just give me a time and place and I'll be there. Just if it's a bar we need to let Taylor know, right now the media is all over me because the trial is getting closer."

„Fucking vultures." I mutter under my breath.

„Tell me about it... listen, Ana and I wanted to leave now, but how about we have a beer and shoot some hoops before I leave?" He asks and I smile.

„Ok, time for you to lose." I reply and we head outside.

„Listen if you need me here..." He starts once we are outside, but I hold my hand up.

„Christian, you will go home with Ana... you deserve to be happy and I will get there too... I just took a little detour on my way to get there."

„Alright... get ready to get your ass kicked." He says with a smile and so we shoot some hoops, have a beer and later I watch him and Ana leave with Arielle. They look so happy and I hope that one day soon I'll find a girl that looks at me like Ana does at my brother because that to me shows the kind of love I want in my life.

I know... I skipped the lemons... tbh I suck at writing them and I only had two hours to write this chapter, so I decided to skip the lemons for this chapter, but there will most likely be some in the future. Since next Sunday is Christmas Eve, I won't post a new chapter on Sunday, but I'll try to have a new chapter ready to post by Saturday. If not a new chapter will be up before New Year's Eve. I hope all of you are going to have a great Christmas or in case you don't celebrate Christmas just some nice, relaxing days off. Sunny xxx