A/N: Look at you, all excited to see Jess in the Hollow. Thank you so much for all the lovely feedback, reviewer-peops! :) Now, how about a little Jess/Rory, and then maybe a son meeting his mother for the first time? Buckle up, kids, Momma's putting the hammer down!

(For disclaimer, etc. - see chapter 1)

Chapter 17

When Jess woke up, he had almost forgotten where he was and why. His brain caught up to the rest of him pretty fast, reminding him why he was cold, why the bed felt different, and why he could hear the general commotion of a busy eatery downstairs. He was in Stars Hollow, Connecticut, specifically, in the apartment above his uncle's diner, and today was the day he met his mother for the very first time.

There was a numb sort of a feeling in Jess' chest as he thought about the impending moment when he came face to face with Liz Danes. Over the past eighteen years, he had thought about her a lot. Sometimes, he resented her for not trying harder when she was pregnant and when he was born. Other times, he didn't care about any of that, he just wanted a mom.

Since he and Jimmy moved to Venice and made a family with Sasha and Lilly, Jess certainly wasn't lacking in the motherly affection department. He meant what he said before he left and again last night on the phone when he called home to let the folks know he had arrived safe and everything. Liz might be his mother, but she couldn't be his mom. Sash had that role, whether she wanted it or not, and from the way she reacted, Jess had a feeling she liked it just fine.

Taking a deep breath, Jess threw off the covers and got himself up, showered and dressed. He was supposed to meet Rory downstairs for breakfast and then she was taking him on a tour of the town. Liz was supposed to get in from New York in time for lunch and Lorelai had suggested her house as a good place for the meeting. It was private and mostly neutral. Jess had agreed only because he had no real opinion or feeling about any of this, at least, none he felt he could adequately express.

"One thing at a time," he said to himself, fixing his hair in the mirror.

The morning should be fun even if the afternoon came hard. Rory wanted to show him the school he'd be attending, the antique store that her best friend's parents owned, Weston's Bakery, the inn where Lorelai worked, and perhaps, most importantly to both her and Jess, the book store. She was so damn excited to show off her town to him, and Jess couldn't mind at all that. After all, he had given her the grand tour of the boardwalk back home, shown her Pacific Park and everything. Now it was his turn to play tourist, except he wasn't going home so soon.

"Is it weird?" she asked him over a breakfast of pancakes, bacon and eggs, and a gallon of coffee that she drank most of herself. "Being here, I mean. Knowing you're staying so long?"

"Little bit," Jess agreed, nodding his head. "I guess, in an ideal world, I'd have my family here too. Does that sound pathetic to you?"

"That you miss your family already? Of course not," Rory promised, her hand covering his own on the table top. "I cannot imagine being away from my mom the way you're away from your dad right now. You're way braver than me."

"Yeah, brave," said Jess, contemplating a forkful of eggs a little too seriously.

"What?"

"I don't know, I just... This whole meeting Liz thing, it feels weird. She's my mom, but it's all a technicality. I barely know what she looks like. Hell, until a few days ago, she didn't even know my name."

"That is a little weird, I guess."

"And now I'm going to meet her. I have absolutely no idea what I wanna say. I'm not even sure if I'm mad at her or happy that I get to see her. Pretty crazy, huh?" he said, dumping his fork down on the plate with a clang.

"It's not crazy," Rory assured him, moving her chair a little closer. "Y'know I hardly ever see my dad, and up until a couple of years ago, I really only saw my grandparents on holidays and special occasions. Facing them was weird enough to begin with, and I at least knew them a little. I can't imagine what a big deal this is for you, and it's okay if you feel weird about it, or even a little scared."

Jess opened his mouth to deny such a charge immediately, by the words died on his lips as he met Rory's eyes. That already familiar blue-eyed gaze made him forget to be worried or mad or anything negative at all. She loved him and she understood him, in ways he couldn't possibly explain. How they had come to mean so much to each other so fast, Jess wasn't sure he would ever fully comprehend. He only knew she meant the world to him, and he was very glad she was here right now, holding onto his hand and telling him everything would be okay.

"You don't know how much I wanna ask you to be there today, when I meet Liz," he told her softly. "I know that's dumb, that I have to do it alone. I told Luke that I did when he offered to hang around, because I know that's how it has to be, but..."

"I'll be there in spirit," Rory promised when words failed him, "and the second you need me, you can call. I'll be there."

Jess nodded, leaning in to kiss her lips.

"So, now do I get this grand tour of your kooky hometown?" he asked, finding her a smile that was surprisingly genuine at this point.

"Buckle up, Mariano," she said, grinning wide. "You're in for a bumpy ride."

The morning in Stars Hollow was great. Jess was in awe as Rory waxed lyrical about all the wonderful places and friendly people in the town she called home. They spent their time walking around, mostly hand-in-hand, her telling him funny stories and introducing him around to all the townies, him trying to keep up as everyone talked a mile a minute at him and yet made him welcome, nonetheless.

They ended on a high, picking up some food and going for a picnic on the bridge over the lake. Rory said it was one of her favourite places, a good quiet spot to go when she wanted to read or just think without distractions. Jess had a feeling it might turn out to be a place he enjoyed too. The hustle and bustle of the town didn't bother him much. He was well used to the boardwalk back home which was so different and the same in an odd way, full of a great mix of people and voices and not short of strangeness either. Still, when Jess wanted to be alone, take a breath, find his centre, as Sasha would say, he had a feeling this bridge might be just perfect. It certainly seemed the ideal spot when he was sat opposite Rory, eating good food, and arguing Hemingway versus Rand one more time.

Eventually, they had to head back, and Jess knew the moment had arrived. Luke drove him down to Lorelai's house and dropped him off in the driveway, letting him know the door would already be unlocked.

"Let yourself in. Your m- Liz is already in there," he explained.

Jess silently nodded, took a deep breath, and hopped out of the truck. The short driveway felt a mile long and no distance at all as he headed for the porch and then reached out a hand to the door knob.

"C'mon, Mariano, don't flake now," he said softly, steadying himself and pushing on through the panic that rose in his chest.

The house was bigger than he expected somehow, and the same sort of cluttered and well-loved as his own home. That helped a bit, though Jess couldn't really have said how. He forgot to even think about it as he moved forward into the living room and found a figure sitting on the couch.

"Hey," he said, uncertainly.

When she turned and looked at him, Jess couldn't breathe. This was his mother. She looked a little like her picture and yet different. She'd had her hair cut into a different style since that photo was taken, he guessed, but it was still her, obviously. She looked a little like Luke, and perhaps older than he expected in some ways. He supposed the drugs and booze from back in the day had taken their toll.

Shaking his head, Jess realised he must've thought all of that in the single second it had taken Liz to jump up from the couch and launch herself at him. With her arms clamped around his body and her tears soaking into his shoulder, Jess didn't know what he was supposed to do. He figured it was more instinct than anything else that made him hug her back. This was Liz. This was his biological mother. This was Mom.

"Oh, my baby," she was saying, words muffled by the way she was hugging him so very tight. "My baby boy, I can't believe it. I just can't believe it!"

Jess didn't have words. He wanted to. He wanted to say it was great to meet her, or maybe he wanted to yell at her that it was all her own fault that she hadn't known him before, for not being a better person when he was born. Jess had a hundred thoughts in his head and a thousand words on his tongue, but nothing was coming out, nothing at all.

"Let me look at you," said Liz then, pulling back and taking Jess' face in her hands. "My beautiful boy. Well, not such a boy anymore. All grown up and just as handsome as your father. I could say a lot about Jimmy, but he was always, always handsome."

"I don't really have an opinion on that," said Jess, wondering at the shake in his own voice.

It was only when Liz looked sad and wiped her thumb across his cheek that Jess even realised he was crying. That wasn't part of the plan, or at least whatever small semblance of a plan he had when he walked in here. Eighteen years in the making and he still hadn't had much clue what he wanted to say or do where his mother was concerned. Stood before her now, and nothing had changed. He was as clueless as ever, truth be told. As mixed up as you might expect a kid to be in these circumstances, no matter how young or old.

"So, he named you Jess," said Liz then, nodding her head. "Figures. His dad meant a lot to him."

"My dad means a lot to me," he replied like a reflex, not sure if he meant to hurt her or just give information. "I've got no complaints about Jimmy."

"That's good. I'm glad you've been happy, the two of you."

"It's been four of us for a while now," Jess explained, suddenly unsure how much Luke had passed on.

"I heard." Liz nodded, looking neither hurt nor joyful as far as Jess could tell. "Hey, come on. Let's sit down. I wanna hear all about you."

She turned and sat herself down on the couch again, patting the next seat over for him to join her. Jess didn't move. He understood what she was saying, what she wanted him to do, and a part of him was willing. The other part was highly resistant, and he knew very well why.

"What exactly do you wanna hear?" he asked, rubbing the back off his hand over his face to ensure he didn't look like a blubbing baby anymore. "I mean, if I tell you everything you missed, we're gonna be here a really long time."

There was a hardness in his voice and probably in his eyes too, Jess figured, when he saw very obvious pain flash across Liz's face. He didn't care. He couldn't. All the anger and resentment was suddenly bubbling up in him and he hadn't a way to stop it. He didn't want to.

"Jess, honey..."

"No. Not honey or sweetie or your baby boy, because that makes it sound like you actually know me and give a damn about me. You don't!" he said angrily. "For eighteen years, I lived without you in my life. Eighteen, Liz."

"Your father took you-"

"Jimmy did what he had to do!" he cut in the moment she tried to fight back. "I know what you were like back then, and not just from him. Luke confirmed everything. Are you gonna call your own brother a liar too?"

"I never said anybody lied, Jess," Liz assured him, eyes downward in what he assumed to be shame. "The truth is, I was a mess back then. I was young, I got pregnant, and I wasn't ready for that kind of responsibility. I didn't know how to be a mother. I barely had one of my own, and... and I was just so young."

"You think you're the only young mother in the world?" asked Jess crossly. "You had a husband and a brother and a father. God, that's way more support than most people have. Talk to Sasha. Talk to Lorelai. Do not give me that weepy, poor me crap. I don't wanna hear it. You think it was easy for Jimmy, raising me alone?"

"He had a choice."

"No, he didn't," Jess countered immediately. "He took me away from you because he was more afraid of what you were capable of than what he wasn't capable of. You were drinking and smoking God knows what while you were carrying me! What kind of mother does that?!"

"The crappy kind, okay?!" Liz yelled right back at him then, getting to her feet and meeting his fiery gaze with one of her own. "You want the truth, kid, well, that's it. I was a crappy mother, and that was what had me so scared. When I had a drink, I felt a little braver. When I had a smoke, I felt a little more relaxed. Does that justify it all? No, it doesn't. Am I proud of myself and my behaviour back then? No, I'm not, but what do you want me to do, Jess? I can't go back and change the past. I can't!"

Jess knew that at least was true. Nobody could travel back in time and fix mistakes they made. The only way to move was forward, to apologise and try to learn from your past discretions. The problem was, there was really nothing to make up for the years gone by, the great cavernous space in Jess' life that should've been filled by his mother. Sasha had been great these past few years, but before that, when Jess was young, he had wanted his mommy, he really had.

"You didn't even look for me," he said sadly then, all the fight going out of him in a rush and leaving behind nothing but tears and pain. "I get that you messed up when I was a baby, but after... If you didn't know my name, you knew Jimmy's. You could've looked for me."

Liz nodded her head, sending fresh tears streaming down her cheeks.

"Sure, I could've looked," she admitted, sniffling throughout. "I thought about it, so many times. I thought, 'Hey, I've fixed myself up now, I'm doing better. Maybe I should find my kid, see how he's doing,' but I couldn't do it," she said, taking hold of Jess' face and making him look at her when he tried to turn away. "It's not because of me, it's because of you. I wanted you to have this great life, Jess. I really, really did. I figured you and Jimmy, you'd be doing okay without me. If I came barging into whatever set-up you had, that was just going to screw everything up again. It was probably better to stay away, let you be. Hey, turns out I was right. He raised you just fine without my help."

Jess nodded, unsure exactly which part he was agreeing to. Maybe all of it. After all, he had done okay being raised by just Jimmy for years enough, and then having Sasha and Lilly in his life. There was a chance that Liz swooping in would've changed everything, messed it up, made life worse or less than it ought to have been. Perhaps she had done him a big favour by staying away, but that was hard to swallow for a boy who just wanted his mom for way too long.

"Let's sit down," he said eventually, sinking down onto the couch.

Liz followed suit, looking uncertain of what was happening. Jess wasn't surprised since he felt exactly the same, despite the fact he seemed to have taken control of the situation somehow.

"You want to hear about me and my life? Ask," he said then, looking sideways at her and watching Liz smile.

"I got a lot of questions," she admitted.

Jess nodded his head.

"I've got time."

To Be Continued...