Chapter 5 I dream of a world with you...
WHAM! Just like that…mata was able to bring the real nate back…the mask came off, and nate 's back to his old self, but he still rememebers what he said to mata…and he's unsure how to make of this.
"excuse me what?"
"Ahh…so the facade fell apart as expected…Now ill ask again…Would you care to accompany me up stairs?"
"I-I do but-" before nate could finish, mata placed her index finger between his lips…nate was stone silent…there was no way one should ever reject an invitation to come see her In private…but still, nate still thinks about what he had said…why? Even with the asshole comments sent her way she still reaches out to him? Mate brings him upstairs to a quiet room where she sleeps in. What was once storage is now a room with a bed, closet, dresser, mirror and a table with 2 glasses.
"wait here for real this time." She leaves. Nate is confused and terrified at the same time. Is he gonna receive a lecture? No worse, is she gonna call gudako on him? She returns, but what lay before him was a Woman of High Standing, she was donning a pink/orange gown with dark red lace on the openings and her signature figure was being heightened so that she lost nothing of her charm, her belly was also fully exposed, this was how confident she was of her body and she was proud to present it to the world. She brings 2 glasses to the table and pops open a wine bottle pours the wine into 2 glasses. And she sits right next to him on the bed.
"So…whats on your mind…". She sits by nate. Nate who had just lost his mask tries to put one back one but since he's in maths room hes basically powerless. Nate refuses to speak.
"Nate, I know what you are thinking, I also know the thoughts that have crossed into your mind, most people I have seen come and go are the same but you are something special, this bar that is my business as well as my home feels complete when I see you in it, the gaze that I feel when you are present and staring at me, feels more welcoming than when others see me. Most men that come here all they do is stare, peering onto me with lust in their gaze and nothing but carnal desires, but yours are different and I do not know why that is, maybe because you see more in me, maybe this is why, but whatever the reason is, I see that you are all alone…
"Mata, i know what your trying to do and I-"
"Theres more nate…". She raises her finger up to his lips and silenced him…
"Your friends all have their Servants and are having an amiable social talk and fun chat back at the castle, but all I see is you by yourself, why is this, I do not know, today when I started talking to you, not once did you force the conversation, your thoughts were perturbing you, I noticed that, your brain in the end saved you, you said the words that I wanted to hear, I knew that you are not like other men, you are better and have a much better understanding of the world through your experience, I have seen you go on many trips with various groups of mages with their Servants, and have noticed that you yearned for companionship that is either the same or greater, who wouldn't want that, you deserve a Servant, Nate…"
"How did you know I was servantless!" Nate's voice boomed as he grew self conscious. He gets up and walks toward the table.
"you left your card on the table as you tried to sneak out! If you were really trying to sneak off and be a pirate, your doing a bad job. If anything it's a cry for help."
"what makes you think its a cry for help?"
"Why would you even think about being a pirate?"
"IVE GOT NO WHERE ELSE TO GO! OKAY?! Nate slams his fist on the table. He looked into mata's eyes whose holding back the tears. (Did I really snapped like that?) Nate starts to feel terrible as he looks away.
"At least if Im a pirate, I have job security! Granted the lifestyles not great but at least my life will have some purpose…" Mata starts to tear up. But she wipes it away before nate noticed. She tries to reach for nate whose back is turned. Mata places the card on the table where he stands…nate starts feel a huge weight in his stomach, but he doesn't want to show mata how weak he feels…
"So…Its seemed the dance of dreams failed to reach you…"
"What do you mean?"
"Nate...you...don't trust me, do you?" Nate grows silent…he does not wish to answer that one truthfully…
"What makes you say that?"
"Becuase you keep your back turned from me. Your acting like your okay, but I know your not. Are you really okay? Whats really bothering you? Do you care about what people think of you? You can trust me. Please, dont hide yourself from me."
"PFFT. Hahahaha, what? im perfectly fine, why would I care if there are people who hate my guts?hahahahah, oh man...nate tries to hold back the tears, he just lied to her face…
"you know, I'm a real piece of work! A mage who could not summon a servant? how grand?!" nate laughs as to try to mask the tears…the tears that would make the failure of a man.
"Nate."
"I'd be better of being told by Olga back in Chaldea to pack my bags and go home, maybe no one would notice me after that episode…abd I would have lived the rest of my life as a pirate. Which is what i'm all cut for; if she was here..."Nah, instead I get gudako and gudoa, telling me I can try again next time!" nate clenches his fist and slams it on the table so hard that the glasses shook almost spilling the contents…
"Nate."
"They may as well just told me; ""NATE, YOU SUCK, HOW CAN YOU NOT SUMMON A SERVANT? GET OUT, YOU"VE DISGRACED CHALDEA FOR THE LAST TIME!""
yet, they let me stay...I couldn't...I just had to leave...Its not fair to the other mages that someone like me, who could not summon a servant was allowed to stay...I don't deserve thier forgiveness or a second chance...so I left...heres to hoping they forget about me...It'd be pointless for them to send a team to search for a mage whose incapable of summoning a servant…now you see why? ts nothing against you mata, but your wasting your time on a worthless piece of shit like me…". Mata was shaken at how negative nate sees himself. She sees that the lights diminishing and whats replaced was sheer darkness in his weary heart.
"Nate...sweet sweet Nate...you really think you are THAT useless? Do you really hate yourself that much that you would assume their feelings?" he looks over to mata...shaking from holding back the tears. She played her hand on his shoulders…
"When you work in a bar, you get to know many people, and you get to see how are their hearts..."
"What do you mean?"
"Some of the most renowned mages in Chaldea come to my bar, and as powerful as they are...their hearts are putrid and dark..."
"Well…What good is kindness? I dont possess the magic they do...One spell and thats about it! Two on a good day. What happened if a servant got hurt and I cant use a command spell to heal them? then what? nate starts shaking harder, trying to keep from crying...his body tightens up...
"Im tired of letting everyone down! I just keep letting everyone down! my friends, my family, Chalea academy, who else can I let down? I sick of it!"
nate tries to get up from mata but couldn't gather himself to...he doesn't want mata to see him cry, it'd just be another person he'd feel he let down. nates body shakes violently, as more tears well up but he still insists on holding back the tears
"Nate...please...I know you want to cry...so...please, cry...cry your heart out…"
Mata holds nate close to her, caressing his hair with her fingers to calm him down.
"Nate...I can look into a man's eyes and know thier backstory…Yours reminds me so much of myself. You have been always so scared that no one would accept you, yet, you continue to be kind, strong, loyal and protective. Beneath that big grin you always try to show to everyone...you were actually in pain...I know that...deep down...that "A true mage never cries! I don't need anyone I can survive on my own." speech is just an act to hide your greatest fears…The fear of being rejected or neglected.
"But Mata…you of all people should know by noe that I have this…fetish…A desire that I cant keep in check. Just one look and im done for."
"There is no such thing as "completely losing yourself to a fetish. Thats a load of crap. You have been around me for quite some time together and during that time you could have done some thing to me, but you didn't out of respect. There are men intros bar that still to this day pinch my ass as I serve them; yet you believe you should be publicly condemned because you saw my bellybutton? Sure you find a woman's midriff to be attractive, thats about it. The way I see it; your hiding certain details about yourself, out of fear of people finding out and think of you to be deplorable. Deep down, you act strong as if your some hero or something, You pretend that nothing bothers you; but in reality your pushing people away from you so you hide the things that really bother you…"
Mata holds nate even closer…for once nate feels free…as if he's ready to open up to her, about his pain…but he keeps doubting himself.
"In life, I have seen the worst of the worst...I have touched bottom...and believe me...it was horrible...I didn't have someone who could help me rise from the bottom...so I suffered greatly...So, that's why...I want to help you rise before you drop to the most deepest parts of the abyss...I don't want you to suffer the same pain as to what I suffered…"
"Mata; you try so hard to make me smile, and yet I frown…you were even accepting that I had a strong admiration for your midriff, yet I still feel the need to hide it from you! this is why I say you deserve better! You been through hell, yet you smile...you tire yourself out working, and yet you still have time to try to make me smile...Thats why I feel you have wasted so much of your time and energy on someone like me…" Nate gets up from mata and walks toward the mirror...he looks at his own refection...and sees himself, his face and eyes red from all the tears hes held back. He looks through the mirror to see mata whose still sitting on the ground, nate tries to keep his back to her, to keep her from seeing him this way...
"From childhood on ward, I had severely less magic than other...for years I dealt with the bullying, the remarks of never amounting to anything...For years I pushed myself in studies, academics, tactics, everything! memorizing spells, strategies, team composition, class advantages...yet, ive see no efforts…" Nate looks thought the mirror to see that mata is starting to cry…and this alone breaks nate…he falls to his knees, crying, the more he tires to stifle the tears, the more they come out…eventually nate chokes on the tears and starts to cough…
"I feel like im at an end...Im not getting anywhere no matter what I do...and I feel like I have let you down...of all people...you, who has shown nothing but care and support...you who have put yourself out just to for me to open up and let you in...and yet I have chosen to keep everyone out...Including you, of all people!" Mata comes close to Nate, kneels down, and hugs him. Surrounding him in the warmth of her heart, she opens her heart to him and this is what she says…
"Nate...my child...this is what you needed to do..you needed to let all of this out...Bottling all this inside just let you feel worse than you actually are…and About me wasting my time...you are so wrong Nate...I think this is the best use I have made of my time Nate...you think that I deserve better than you, but that's impossible...as no one can't replace you"
"you…mean it?" Nate holds mata close to him…
"You have said it: you have been bullied, laughed, people have made you feel worthless, and yet...your heart is still one of a gentleman who cares for someone like me; I think that's more valuable than the strongest of magic"
"You know…why it is…that I pretend im okay…when in reality…I…Mata…please …forgive me; you of all people have lost so much...your family, your freedom, your love, your daughter, your life...and yet…Here i am, just shoving you away cause its all I know how to deal with people…"
"Nate I know your scared to admit your hurt. But its okay. It's gonna feel awful at first but then it'll only get better. Because you have people who geniunely care. My self included"
Nate leans his head on her shoulders and holding her close; he places his hand on her belly. Mata looks to see him quickly withdraw his hand and grabs his wrist.
"Darling...do you like my stomach? Fufufu…"
nate wipes his tears away…and as embarrassing as it is, he finally confesses to mata for she has a right to know… "
Yes…i do…and I hope you forgive me for such. I know its not gentlemanly."
"Fufufu, darling. You did it! You have finally opened up to me. So this is the real you?I'm glad to finally see you have the courage to let your heart out to me." Mata looks at Nates eyes.
"Normally, I wouldn't let anyone even so much as touch me. But for you, I'll let you do as you wish this one time...just give me a second to lay down and get comfortable..."
"W-Wha…". But before nate could say anything Mata lays down in her bed, with her stomach completely exposed, free for Nate to do whatever he wants to do…Nate gathers himself, knowing he could do anything he desired…He lays down next to her…and he does not wish to do anything that made her uncomfortable…so he places his hand to her belly his head close to hers.
"I have to be honest. i've had my share of fantasies about you; but you have done so much to reach out to me and you deserve a lot better in a man…I cant bring myself to do anything devious to you, of all people…So please accept this as me doing as i please"
"Fufufu...darling...it seems you have surprised me even more...Nate...this is why I love you so much...even in my most vulnerable...you only wish to treat me well…"
They lay down together on her bed, with Nates tears down his face. This is the real Nate, the Nate that Mata knew was trapped inside is his shell. All he needed was someone like her who could pry his shell open and draw him out.
"Nate, Darling…Theres much I wish to tell you. If you wish to be my master; I-" Nate sits back up from the Bed. And Nate raises his pinky to her.
"Darling! You didn't even hear what I wish to say to you! Im a br-"
"I know what's to be said. I have read about your past, about how you everything taken away from you. The life of luxury meant nothing to you for you did not have the love you yearned for…So I wish to make a promise."
"Darling…this is so sudden, yet looking at you, I know this is what you've only ever wanted." Mata Hari raises her pinky as well.
"I promise to you, that I will try to be the best I can be for you. I know I lack the mana that a normal master should have. But if you take me in as your master, nay a companion! I promise I will treat you the way you deserve to be. For you; I will do everything in my ability to ensure your wish comes true no matter the obstacles we face together! You will have your wish!"
"Darling…I promise that if you take me in, I will do everything I can to show you that your life matters. You deserve a chance to be a master." And with it she holds him close to her, in a way that a loving wife holds her husband when he came home from a long days work, and she sang a song to him. A song that went like this…
The world is cruel and the days are long,
tell me working sparrow why do you build a nest,
but his reply never came, day by day the days go by
and the working sparrow still is building his nest,
he finds the best and returns again, but then one day, he appears with another sparrow,
working sparrow is this your wife, is this what the nest was for,
keep working hard and make her happy,
she knows that all you do is for her and she will be happy,
a family is what you yearned for and that is grand, someday you will be a dad,
then one day the bird lays still, what has happened to your wife, it is too sad,
but he just keeps working all day and all night for the eggs that are in the nest,
when the bird that is laying still falls and is gone from the nest
the eggs hatch and the dad is happy again…
And as the song goes on, Nate starts to realize what she is telling him…The future is not set in stone, you work hard and you get rewarded but even a simple reward may not last forever, keep working harder and another reward will come, but if you neglect the first reward you missed out on something important, keep working hard and life will get better. Nate while crying, now takes mata hari close to him and lays her on top of him self so that she can lay these tears on him For well and Nate's understood felt that pain before. For she too knows what its like to lose everything. She is as much as the working sparrow as Nate is. With yearned to find thier reward. And as they share this moment together alone sharing the tears of each other The card started to glow besides nate's bed…he picks up the card, freaking out for he is unsure whats going on…but mata gets behind him and places her hand on his stomach for a comforting hug…and wrapping her pinky finger around his, she whispered in his ears so he can remember for this spoken for his entire life…
"lay down you weary heart and dont ever lock it up again…for your burdens shall be mine now, I shall be your Servant from now onward."
and with that the light burst…revealing a bronze assassin card…nate had finally achieved his dream, and he had mata hari to thank from the bottom of his heart…