The resounding 'crack' of Judge Schueller's gavel against the solid, wooden podium may as well have been the first few ominous notes of a funeral death knell for the for way it laid heavy, like a sedentary storm cloud, over the occupants of the courtroom; the final nail in what had seemed like a previously air-tight case's coffin.
The facts had been straight forward enough: another rape on the campus of Hudson University, except this time the perpetrator had been a well-regarded English literature professor instead of the expected, slimy and privileged fraternity brother (and the fact that it was expected from Tau Omega at this point left Sonny feeling as though he'd chewed on saw dust).
Rafael had argued the case well - and Sonny thought, quite proudly - that he'd never seen the man perform a better cross-examination than the one that had taken place on the courtroom floor just two days prior.
But, as it stood, no one wanted to make waves amongst the ranks of New York state's largest landowner, not even a judge who's life and career was supposed to be dedicated to the sole cause of upholding the law.
And what better way to do that than to overturn a jury's 'guilty' conviction?
Sonny felt as though his lunch was about to come up.
Rafael looked as though he was seriously considering third-degree murder.
Sonny could tell just from the way that his shoulders were set, low and tense, as he bolted past the crowded gallery and through the courtroom's double doors, not even sparing a second to glance at Sonny.
That's how Sonny knew he was truly livid.
Normally, even when Rafael lost a case, he would pause just long enough to seek out Sonny, wherever he sat, even if it was just for a momentary brush of fingers or a gentle squeeze of palms as he made his way out and back to the safety of his office.
Sonny was more than happy to oblige, to sit and wait until Rafael had gathered his things, stuffed his notes into his briefcase, because he knew that Rafael needed the comfort after days like that.
This though? This was going to take more than any amount of physical comfort that Sonny had ever given the other man.
He turned around to find Benson's eyes, giving her a brief nod before making his exit; her attention was back on the girl seated beside her, the victim, only a college freshman who had barely hit nineteen, before Sonny had even rushed past the last row of gallery seating.
He'd barely gotten a toe out the door when an onslaught of reporters was on him. Light bulbs flashed, microphones and tape recorders shoved under his nose as questions were lobbed at him from corners of the courthouse that Sonny hadn't even realized existed until then.
In that moment, though, as Sonny was shoving his way through the crowd (in a manner that his mother would surely disapprove of), his only thoughts were of Rafael.
Of finding Rafael, getting to Rafael, comforting Rafael, embracing Rafael; everything else was just noise, a meaningless whirl of faces and statements that his brain couldn't afford to focus on.
Sonny managed to finally dart down one of the courthouse's many corridors, the tail-end of twenty more questions nipping at his heels as he scurried down the blessedly empty hallway.
He knew, without hesitation, where Rafael had gone.
This level was also home to about seven different conference rooms, all which possessed the sole purpose of housing meetings between various ADAs and defense attorneys.
Sonny had found him, on more than one occasion, sitting in one of those conference rooms, each time after a particularly tough case, when he needed to be alone and clear his head of arguments, and verdicts, and juries.
He always waited in the same room, so that Sonny would be able to make his way to him.
It was the third door on the left of the hallway, the one with the slightly jiggly doorknob that was in desperate need of replacing.
He approached the entrance, turning the knob slowly and cracking the door just wide enough to slide his skinny body through.
Rafael was where Sonny always found him, leaning against the edge of the conference table placed directly in the center of the room. His arms were crossed tightly over his chest, as if he were attempting to burrow back into himself, back into the shell of Rafael Barba that was all smug barbs and pin-striped suits. His shoulders were slumped impossibly forward, the weight of a thousand invisible books seeming to bare down on them.
Most telling of all, he didn't even bother to glance up as Sonny entered, green eyes still firmly set on the room's cream carpeting.
Sonny stood warily by the door; the silence stretched on between them, sticky, pulled taut and thin like taffy until Sonny was sure that it was going to snap.
"You don't have to say it, Sonny." Rafael's voice was soft and uncharacteristically small, not a proper fit for the body or man that it was coming out of. Sonny took two steps forward, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his slacks, not allowing himself to touch quite yet.
"Say what, Rafi?" He kept moving forward, inch by agonizing inch until he was nestled in between his boyfriend's parted thighs. He placed two light hands on either of Rafael's hips, fingertips digging in to the soft skin above each.
Rafael sighed. "I let you down. I let everyone down. I let that girl down, I let Benson down. You were the lead detective on this case and I still couldn't get a conviction, not even for you."
Sonny felt like he'd been sucker punched in the gut.
Rafael trudged forward, Sonny's apparent inability to verbalize anything coherent seeming to only spur him further.
"I know that this isn't the Rafael Barba you fell in love with. That man, the one you fell in love with, he could actually get convictions, he could get - ".
"Rafi, stop it."
Sonny's hands were on Rafael's face now, framing it, pulling his chin up from where it was still resting against his chest.
"Hey, look at me," he said, words coming fast and desperate, head darting to search Rafael's eyes out with his own. "I wish you could see yourself the way I see you." The words brought Rafael's gaze upwards, green irises meeting Sonny's blue.
"You're wrong. You're so wrong. That isn't the Rafael Barba that I fell in love with. Sure, that's the guy that I admired a ton and that I had a huge friggin' crush on, but in love with? No." Sonny shook his head, thumbs rubbing circles across Rafael's cheek bones.
"The Rafael Barba that I fell in love with made his way out of the Bronx by no one's account but his own. He got into Harvard Law, with a scholarship, not because his family was poor, but because he earned it. He graduated top of his class, made ADA, became known across New York City as one of the finest prosecutors that Manhattan's ever had. He's resilient, he's intelligent, and he always fights to get justice for the victims because he knows what it's like not to have anyone in your corner."
All of what Sonny said was the whole and undeniable truth; every thing that he'd ever admired and loved about the other man, laid out and worn on his sleeve.
Sonny smiled, bright, eyes tearing away from Rafael's just long enough to take in the entirety of the man before him.
"The Rafael Barba that I fell in love with?" He paused for a moment, considering the severity of his next words. "He's standing right in front of me," Sonny finished.
Sonny didn't think he'd ever seen Rafael look so wholly overwhelmed.
He remained frozen, no quick fire comeback at the ready, chest barely seeming to even rise and fall underneath Sonny's own. He eventually reached out, though, hands tugging at Sonny's midsection, a desperate attempt to draw him in even closer.
Pressed closer together than Sonny had ever thought physically possible, Rafael's hands came to rest on his lower back. "I love you," he gasped out.
Sonny laughed, twisted around and pressed a kiss to the sensitive patch of skin behind his earlobe. "I know. And I love you too. I love you always, okay? You could lose every single case from now until you retire, and I wouldn't care. That's not what matters to me. You're what matters to me."
Rafael nodded, slowly, all previous doubt dissolved from his stare. "I believe you," he said, voice still low and slightly shaky.
Sonny felt the bands around his chest loosen with Rafael's words. He squeezed his hips, a smile puckering his cheeks. "Good. Now give me a kiss."
He felt Rafael's chuckle more than he heard it as their lips met.
It was brief, impossibly soft and tender, but Sonny felt this kiss meant more to the both of them than any they'd ever shared before.
He released Rafael's lips, pulling back just enough to allow their foreheads to continue to rest against one another. He grasped Rafael's hands in his own, said, "And you know what we're gonna do now? We're gonna go home, and I'm gonna make us dinner. And we're gonna eat it in bed, on those little trays your mom bought us that you said were tacky and useless. And we're gonna put on a movie, and relax, and just be together. Okay?"
"Okay," Rafael whispered, eyes lighting up in agreement. Sonny turned, hands urging Rafael back in the direction of the door when he heard, pricking at the edges of his ears, "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me."
It was a statement, firmer and louder than anything else that Rafael had previously said within the four walls of the conference room.
Sonny knew that he meant it.
Rafael never said anything less than exactly what he meant.
He whirled back around, tugged Rafael closer to him. "I believe you."
With Rafael's hand pressed firmly to his lips, they headed towards the exit, back to their apartment, Sonny with his home at his side.