Pain
A blonde man sits in his bathroom, a small kitchen knife is in his hands. He spins it around a few times. The blade appealed to him. To the male this blade did so much more than just chop the food which made his dinner. He felt like the blade could take all of his pain away from him. To him the blade could solve all of his problems and fix all of his mistakes.
He knew if he was going to do something he would have to be quick about it. His wife was going to be home with his daughter at any time. He had an argument with someone and that had led to the downward spiral he found himself in.
He was surprised he wasn't really upset by the words his supposed friend had said to him. "When will you see that no one really cares about you?" To the male or had confirmed what he thought all along, no one wanted him around. No one really cared about him, they were just doing it to make him happy.
He wasn't really sure that all that pretend was truly making him happy. In the end they are all going to turn their backs on him so he was waiting for that day to happen. For that day where they all tell him that they have all had enough of him and didn't want to deal with him any longer. He knew that day was going to come soon.
To him the knife was his paintbrush and his thighs were the canvas today. His arms were already littered with the same lines that he would make on his legs. No one knew about them though, they were all scars and reminders that he was still alive. He had managed to keep people in the dark by hiding them with the tattoos and occasionally some light make up.
The world was none the wiser to what he was doing and he wanted it to stay that way for as long as possible. No therapists around to tell him that they pretend to understand the internal pain and struggle he was going through on a daily basis. The sheer will power it took to get out of bed each morning.
No one knew how much effort it took and how much energy it took to keep his mask up everyday and appear happy to everyone around him. No one knew of the demons that haunted him and watched his every move quick to point out where he had gone wrong that day.
It was 20 minutes before his wife was due to come home and he was finished with his self infected art project so he needed to clean up his tools. He needed to keep up the act that everything was fine. He cleaned his wounds and dressed them before making sure everything was clean and the way it was before.
When his wife walked in with their excited daughter behind her, the male was watching telly like nothing had happened. She hugged him and kissed him and he hugged and kissed her back. He then listened to the stories of the days events from his daughter.
He thought he was doing well to keep his facade going. They had no reason to suspect that anything was wrong with him. he was his usual cheery self so they thought. He gave them no reason for them to think otherwise. They didn't know that the demons were already tormenting him for not going all the way.
"You really are a failure. You really can't do anything right can you?" They taunt and it took all his effort not to yell at then to be quiet. The last thing he needed was a reason for his wife to take him to the mental hospital because he hears voices in his head. The voices sounded like his friends, people who were supposed to care about him.
"Don't forget you promised you would go to that party tonight," his wife reminds him, making the demons behave for now. The party? Oh yeah his friends were having a party tonight and he said he would go. "I won't forget, might and up staying there tonight though," he says a dangerous plan forming in his head.
"That's alright darling. Just promise me you will stay safe," she tells him. He smiles at her, she had no knowledge of what he planned to do tonight. "I will baby, don't worry about me," he says, sounding cheery like usual which put her at ease. If only she knew the truth. She wouldn't be so encouraging for him to go out then unless someonen else knew.
There was going to be alcohol at that party, there usually is when one of his friends is hosting. He had friends who loved to get wasted and at first he planned to be the sober one. Then he changed his mind, he always cared for them when they were drunk, but they always pushed him away when he got drunk on the rare occasions he did drink a lot.
He wanted to do something different,something dangerous and he knew no one was going to stop him. Why would they stop him when they hated the type of drunk he was? This gave him the perfect opportunity to make everything better for them and everyone else that claimed they cared about him.
A few hours passed and the party was in full swing at his friends house. He was on his fourth or was it fifth beer that night? The man had lost count after the second one and no one else was going to keep count for him. His friends were spread out around the house too busy to care about the male's dangerous mental state.
Tonight he was going to make the pain end. Make everyone happy again and forget about him for the rest of their lives. He noticed how different they have become since he first met them and he blamed himself. They could go back to their old selves fter this. They would all be fine after this.
No one was going to notice if he disappeared forever after tonight. No one was going to go looking for him. No one would miss him either, the male was certain by now that everyone was going to celebrate him being gone.
The night dragged on as a blur. The male was well and truly drunk by now. He was being pushed away by his friends just like he was expecting. The final nail in the coffin for him was when one of his friends had punched him in the face after he walked up to then other male and told him he loves him.
All rational thinking was well and truly gone by now. The male only had one thing on his mind and that was death. He craved it and was sure in his mind that it was the cure to all his problems. He had notes in his drawer addressed to those he loved to provide an explanation as to why he did this.
He had his funeral planned out and paid for. It was going to be simplistic since he doubted anyone would show up to it. He believed no one loves him or care about him so no one would show up to his funeral. No one at his job would miss him, that was clear when his friend/coworker punched him.
If the male had lost count of how much he had drunk at six beers then by now he has completely no idea although it could have been beer fifteen or even twenty by now. His friend told him to go sleep it off in the spare room and he mock saluted before heading up. He felt sick which was what he was aiming for.
"Can you wake him up? I know he is breathing again now. I managed to bring him back" Was the first voice he heard probably the next morning. He had a major hangover but he could hear some panic in that male's tone. He wasn't sure what happened after he went upstairs, but all he knew was he failed again.
"I'm not sure, he isn't responding to me yet. What even happened last night?" A second male asks, this time it was the one who punched him last night. "I don't know, I knew he was drunk. I sent him to bed to sleep it off, but something was different last night. He wasn't himself at all," the other male says.
He felt the gentlest touch on his forehead and tried to move away from the cold feeling. It shocked the other two males in the room. He bust have been lying completely still until now. "Come on buddy, open your eyes"he heard and he thought he was in a weird dream.
No one cared about him that much did they? No, one of the guys in the room punched him last night so they couldn't care about him. Still he opened his eyes to hopefully make them leave him alone. He blinked a lot and the light was making his hangover worse.
He still thought he was dreaming when he saw relief in both of his friends eyes. The one who punched him frowned when he carefully touches the bruise he made. "Hey how are you feeling?" The first male asks. The male lying on the bed could only give as thumbs down. He didn't feel confident enough to speak.
"We'll get you something for the pain now then you will relax with us for a while," the first male says after he received his response. "Why do you care what happens to me?" The hungover male asks, wincing at the tone of his voice.
He also said too much, they would be worried about him now. Especially when they piece together that they had revived their friend from a suicide attempt. "Dude, of course we care about you. Have you not noticed us checking up on you more during the day now?" The second male says. The blonde had to think about it for a moment. He did notice some of them asking if he was okay every now and then, but he thought it was going to stop eventually. He kept telling them he was fine when in reality he was far from fine.
"Were you attempting to end it all?" The eldest of the three asks the blonde and the blonde responds by not looking at either of them. They knew now and he was terrified for their response to it all. They surely hated him now. " I'm tired of being a burden to everyone," the blonde admits and then is pulled into a hug by the male who revived him. "Aw dude, you never have been and will never be a burden to us," the male says to the blonde who is holding back tears.
The eldest male of the group goes to get the pain medication and the blonde some food. He was bound to be hungry by now. He left the two younger men to hug while he did this. He felt confident now that the blonde was not going to attempt to do something he was going to end up regretting anytime soon. The other two members of the group were waiting in the kitchen since they were waiting for news on the blonde who hasn't woken up.
"How is he?" The blue eyed male sitting at the counter asks. "Hungover and sore but he is going to be okay. We need to keep an eye on him for the rest of the day at least and check up on him when he gets home," the eldest male says and the rest of the males were a little confused but they would be given the full explanation in a moment but the blonde needed to get pain medication first which was more important at that moment in time.
Once he was confident that the blonde male was now comfortable and he was going go be okay so he could give the others the explanation they deserved. "Our friend tried to kill himself last night and he almost succeeded of if we didn't get there and revive him in time," the eldest male says and the two others at the table gasp. They never expected it was going to be the blonde that was going to be the first one to try and kill himself. They thought he was the happiest one out of all of them.
"Is he going to be okay?" The chubby male says and the eldest male nodded. "Yeah he will be okay, but he is going to need our help to get through this and we need to be strong and show him that people do care about him," the eldest male says and the chubby male wanted to get to comfort the blonde and the eldest said that he could because they would all be watching a movie later on. That put him at ease a little bit, but they wanted to hug the blonde and tell him that everything is going to be okay.
The two males who were upstairs walked down the stairs and then the blonde was engulfed in a hug by the chubby blue eyed male then by the youngest male in the group. They wanted to let him know that everything is going to be okay. "You know that you could come to us for anything regardless of what time of night or day it is," the eldest male tells the blonde and the blonde nods. Everything he was feeling this time yesterday was gone now.
Now he knew people loved and cared about him, all he had to do was to tell them how he felt and they would make it all go away for him. They were going to take it step by step and day by day but everything was going to work itself out in the end. They were going to have to let the blonde man's wife know what happened and arrange to help him get better. They might be taking him to the doctors but only if he wanted to go. They were not going to force him to go if he didn't want to go.
That would the best thing for him. He would be admitting that he has an issue which can then get him the best help which would suit him the best. They watched a few movies before it was time to go home. The blonde was fit enough to drive but the eldest male in the group had some explaining to do as to why the male now had a bruise on his cheek and he was home a lot later than he said he was going to be. The eldest male apologized for what happened but the blonde said it was fine. He knew he should have kept away from the male while he was drunk.
The wife of the blonde male walked down the steps outside their home and hugged the blonde tightly. She was aware of the suicide since she was called to give advice on how to give CPR to someone who chocked to death on their own puke. She was very worried about him but he reassured her that he was fine now and he wasn't going to plan on doing anything like that again anytime soon. She was concerned to see the dark purple bruise that formed on her husband's right cheek.
"I punched him last night when we were both drunk. I have apologized and it should clear up soon," the eldest man says and they all walked into the house. They sent the blonde to the couch to rest for a while since he was tired and still dealing with a hangover. His daughter sat with him in the couch and played with his hair. She kissed his bruise are carefully as possible. "Daddy got an owie," she tells him. She didn't like it but she couldn't have prevented it.
"Daddy is okay, it doesn't even hurt any more," the blonde male tells his daughter. He knew while he was resting on the couch that the other two were talking about him and what exactly happened last night when they all went to bed. They might have to put him on a suicide watch for the next couple of days but they were more confident that he was going to be okay now. The blonde closed his eyes for a moment and his daughter snuggled into her father.
"Are you okay now baby?" His wife asked his friend had left after his explanation and he shouted by at his blonde friend. The rest of the day went smoothly, telling his wife how he felt definitely lifted a weight off his shoulders and she hugged him tightly. She was telling him that she would work with him to let him open up to her and to make him feel better. She cooked him his favourite meal that night so he was going to be a bit spoiled. He relaxed I'm her arms that night. She had put an ice pack on his face to try and hopefully reduced the bruising and swelling but it didn't work quite as well as she hoped.
That night he had peaceful dreams and he was happy that everything was working itself out and everything would be alright from now on. He was starting to get happier now and he was enjoying the cuddles from his wife and the one on one time with her now the demons were leaving him alone for now. He hoped that the demons inside his mind will permanently leave him alone. He has family and friends who love him.
This is another drabble I started at crazy o clock this morning but I hoped you enjoyed.