Chapter 42 - Easter ends

Present day - April

Rose POV

"This one's a real looker."

"Indeed, a very fine specimen. Don't even see the need to wait a few years, she's certainly developed already."

The hand in my hair gripped tighter, forcing my face upwards. I squeezed my eyes shut and trembled. It hurt and I was terrified. I didn't dare to look at the man holding me.

Some behind me tutted. "Gentlemen, you wouldn't want to damage the goods. Remember, if you break it," the Headmistress' voice trailed off.

The hand released me and I fell to the ground, groaning in pain and shock.

"Rose, wake up."

Even though I recognized Dimitri's voice I still jerked awake and sat up in the bed, gasping for air. Whatever Lissa had done earlier really messed with my brain. The nightmare had been more vivid than my previous ones.

Dimitri held his hands up and kept his distance while I gathered myself, but the more I tried, the harder it was to keep myself steady and centered. My pulse was quick and the fear was still coursing through my veins.

I ran my hand through my hair, eventually just gripping it and cradled myself, drawing myself in. It was just a nightmare. Nothing more, just a nightmare.

Why did I feel so unclean? Why did I feel so wrong?

I felt gentle fingers circle my wrists and with soothing strokes of his thumbs he eventually coaxed my punishing grip on my hair to loosen enough for him to pull my hands away. He placed my hands around his neck, immediately snaking one arm around my back and pulling me into a tight hug.

Dimitri helped me ease back from the suffocating anxiety in his safe embrace. He held his arms wrapped around me, whispering soothing things to me. Once again, the feel of his warm body against me with his scent surrounding me brought comfort. I wasn't even self-conscious about not wearing a bra underneath my pajamas, the whole situation felt so natural and effortless.

One of his hands moved up to stroke my head, but when he grazed the exact spot where the man had gripped my hair in my dream I felt a surge of panic and pushed Dimitri away and scrambled out of his hold. He looked surprised and worried before schooling his features.

"Sorry, just, uh-" I started, but didn't really know what had happened. It wasn't an ordinary nightmare.

"Did you remember something?" he asked.

Had that been a memory? I wasn't sure, and for every second the dream was harder and harder to grasp.

"I don't think so, I think it was a dream."

"What happened in the dream?"

"Someone was gripping my hair and holding me in place. They were talking about me in a way that scared me, saying weird things that didn't really make sense. The Headmistress said that they can't damage the goods, and in the dream it kind of felt like I was the goods. I can't remember everything."

"Can you remember any faces or what other things were said?"

I thought about it for a moment but couldn't recall the exact words anymore. "My eyes were screwed shut, I didn't see anyone. I was too scared," I said in a small voice. Dimitri was about to say something but I ignored him and hurried to the bathroom, locking the door behind me.

I stared at myself in the mirror and noticed the shadows under my eyes. I was sleeping poorly and knew this wouldn't hold in the long run. I splashed my face and even brushed my teeth again, just doing my nighttime routine to calm me down a bit.

When I got out I was expecting my bedroom to be empty but Dimitri was still in there, waiting for me.

"You okay?"

I nodded, but knew I wasn't convincing.

"Would you be comfortable with speaking to a professional? If everything would've gone according to plan after the raid you would have been sent to a rehabilitation center where you would have received help, and I worry that what Spiridon and I can provide isn't enough. We're not really adept with handling trauma."

I tensed up, my entire being filled with dread. "Are you trying to send me away?" I asked with my pulse beating hard in my ears.

He held up his hands in a defensive manner. "No, of course not. Since it's not safe to meet up with anyone we would need to make arrangements, the best option would probably be remote meetings. I just wanted to let you know that there are options if you're open to it."

"You're not trying to send me away?" I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"No, that's the last thing I want. I just think you might benefit from receiving some additional help."

The relief of hearing that he wasn't trying to send me away was short-lived. "I'm not crazy."

"I didn't say you were. It's clear that you struggle with some things, and there's no reason for you to deal with them alone."

"I'm not crazy," I repeated and paced the room. "I know the stairs freak me out, but I'm almost better now. I know I have nightmares, but I'm not crazy."

"Rose, please, sit down." He stared at me with a calm expression, waiting for me to settle down. After a while I realized he wasn't going to relent so I reluctantly sat down on the bed, angling my body away from him and crossing my arms over my chest. I felt like a petulant child, even pursing my lips and frowning angrily.

"There's nothing shameful or wrong with needing help. Vasilisa is seeing a counselor at the Academy, and we could set you up with remote sessions with the same one. The counselor is Moroi so you don't have to hide as much, you can talk freely about what you've gone through as long as you hide any detail that compromises our location. If we take you to a human counselor you'd need to hide most of it and I don't think it's going to work out in the long run."

I shook my head and kept my eyes on the ground.

"Well, think about it at least. I'll ask about this later once you've had the time to think it over. Maybe you could ask Vasilisa's opinion about Deirdre. The counselor, that is."

"Why can't you just call her Lissa?" I snapped. I immediately regretted that and winced. Out of all people, the last thing I wanted was to be rude to Dimitri. He had done so much for me and deep down I realized that this was another thing he was prepared to offer me, prepared to make an effort to give me. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to."

My hands dropped to my side and I felt my body go slack. I was just so tired. Tired of being tense and nervous, tired of being anxious. It was draining me, it was eating me up. It was restricting me and controlling me. I felt lost. He seemed to sense how drained I was.

"I can stay for a while," Dimitri said. "If that is what you want."

I nodded and moved under the covers, my body heavy and movements slow. He got into the same position as the other night, clothes on and over the covers, leaning against the headboard. He reached out and was about to turn the lights off, but stopped himself. "On or off?" he asked.

Since he was here, I felt safe with the darkness. "Off, please."

It was pitch black for a few seconds before my eyes adjusted to the darkness. I stared at the ceiling and tried to calm myself enough to fall asleep.

"Are you going to sleep here?" I whispered. Talking in a normal tone felt too much in our intimate little bubble.

"No, I will sleep in my bed."

"Aren't you able to fall asleep here?"

"It's not appropriate if I sleep here." His voice was a deep rumble in the darkness.

"I don't mind. If that's what you're worried about."

"Rose, it's just not appropriate. Try to get some sleep now, I'll stay long enough."

"But you need sleep too," I said stubbornly. "I like having you here, I feel safe."

I expected him to argue with me, but instead I was met with silence. I turned my head to look at him, but his eyes were shut and I suspected he was ignoring me for my own best. I shut my eyes too.

When I woke up he was gone, and his side of the bed was cold. I could tell that it was still early, too early, so I decided to cheat a bit in order to get some more sleep. I rolled over to the side he'd been lying on and burrowed my head into the pillow he'd been using.

Deep inhale. How on earth could someone smell so incredibly good?

The only time I had smelled something better was when I was sick, and even then it had been Dimitri. For some reason my sickness amplified my sense of smell, but even now it was intoxicating. I let myself be lulled to sleep by imagining that he was here with me.

The chair next to me scraped loudly on the floor when Spiridon pulled it out and proceeded to sit next to me. I grumbled internally, not really in the mood to talk to anyone.

"Good morning, girls."

"Morning," I mumbled and kept shoveling food into my mouth. I had hoped that I could eat quickly enough but first Lissa had joined me and now Spiridon. At least Yuri wasn't here.

"When are you heading back to the Academy?" Spiridon asked Lissa.

"I'm not sure. We were going to stay until tomorrow but Christian's returning to St. Vlad's early. He doesn't know about this place or where we've been so we're probably going to head back this afternoon."

"Remember. Not a word about Rose," Spiridon said quietly. I looked up and found him staring at Lissa with an expressionless face, however that made him so much more scary.

"Don't worry, she won't say anything," I interjected. I felt bad for Lissa and didn't want her to be uncomfortable or scared. She shot me a thankful smile.

We finished breakfast and I cleared the table.

"Want to go for a walk? It's quite nice outside. Not warm, but not cold either." I turned around and saw Lissa waiting for me by the stairs. I peeked out the window and the sky was covered with a thick blanket of clouds, the sun nowhere to be found. I nodded my acquiescence.

After a quick change of clothes I waited for Lissa by the downstairs door. I heard some footsteps behind me and expected it to be Lissa but instead it was Spiridon, dressed to go outside as well. I frowned. "Who invited you?"

"It's part of my glorified babysitter duties," he said with a smirk.

"I don't need babysitting."

"Not everything is about you," he said dramatically and rolled his eyes. "You know, princess Vasilisa Dragomir, the last of her line, need to keep her safe and all that. Can't have a Royal line die out on my watch."

Admittedly I felt a bit better knowing that he wasn't tagging along for my sake but for Lissa's, but it felt exaggerated. "What do you think will happen out there? It's late morning, no Strigoi."

"I don't know, maybe one of you trips and needs me to carry you. Or a bear tries to eat you," he shrugged.

"Bears?!" I squeaked.

"Spiridon, cut it off," Dimitri scolded him from behind us. He too was dressed to go outside.

"Bears?!" I asked again in alarm.

"Their hibernation has probably just ended and now they're roaming the woods searching for delicious little girls."

"Enough." Dimitri's voice was hard and he stopped between us, shielding me from Spiridon.

It seemed as if they were in some kind of staring match until Spiridon relented. He held up his hands and peeked around Dimitri to give me an apologetic smile. "First of all, my plump ass is much more nutritious to them so they would probably try to get a chunk out of me instead of you." This time, I rolled my eyes. "And also, the chance of encountering a bear is really small. Haven't you learned anything by now, you shouldn't listen to me."

"Douchebag," I muttered.

Lissa came over and we headed out, the men falling into a formation around us. They were silent and unnoticeable so it was almost too easy to forget that they were near us. I felt a bit uncomfortable with their way of behaving like we were their marks, but I kept reminding myself that this was for the princess.

I forced myself to engage in some small talk. "Are you looking forward to seeing Christian?"

Lissa smiled to herself. "Yes, I've missed him."

"Do you like going to school?"

"I do, although I have a really tough exam coming up. It's kind of unfair that they give us time off that we're supposed to spend with our families, church holiday and all, but schedule an exam the day after school starts again."

"That does sound unfair," I said halfheartedly, not sure if I meant it. At least they had time off school, that wasn't anything we were given at the Institution.

We walked further down the path that led around the lake, and the sun peeked out. Lissa squinted and stepped under a tree, seeking shadow. I looked up and felt the warm sun rays hit my face, and cherished the feeling. I couldn't imagine living without the sun. Luckily for Lissa the gap in the gray sky was small and soon enough the sun was covered again.

"How come you're not on a nocturnal schedule? Isn't that what you have at the Academy?" I asked.

"That's true, but I wanted to spend some time with you."

The realization hit me and I halted.

"But-" I started stammering. "But we should adapt to you, we should change, we should-"

From my periphery I noticed Dimitri take a couple of steps closer to us.

"Don't worry about that," Lissa cut in.

"I'm sorry," I still said, feeling the guilt weigh in. I hadn't realized that she had actually adapted to our schedule, but now I just felt stupid for not knowing it had to be that way.

She stopped and turned around to look at me. Her expression was stern. "Don't say sorry, you have nothing to be sorry about. If anything I should be sorry for not being able to help you break the compulsion."

I shrugged my shoulders. "It's fine."

"I should've been able to help, it's never been an issue before."

"What do you mean?"

She looked at Spiridon and Dimitri anxiously before lowering her voice. "I'm a Spirit user."

I didn't know what that meant, so I waited for an explanation. She came even closer to me and spoke so quietly it was almost a whisper. I wondered if the men could hear her.

"I thought that I never specialized in an element until I learnt there is a fifth element called Spirit. I thought I was going crazy. But us Spirit users have an enhanced ability to compel. That's why I thought I could help you, but it didn't do any good. I couldn't even sense a crack in your compulsion, just a thick impenetrable wall."

"I didn't know there were five elements," I said and tried to think if I had ever heard or read about Spirit.

"Spirit is very rare. Most history books don't cover it."

"What else does Spirit do, besides strong compulsion?"

"It depends a lot on the user, but I can heal people. That's how I realized something was different with me. I mentioned earlier that Christian and Tasha get a lot of hate for what his parents did. Well in school, he used to get bullied a lot. And this one time it just got out of hand, he was bleeding from his head after they shoved him into a wall. Even that didn't stop them from beating him up and left him lying in the hallway with a broken nose. I felt so sorry for him so I walked over to him. Before I knew it I was leaning over him and all of the sudden I felt the magic surge from my fingertips. I watched his nose snap into place again. I was so freaked out."

I stared at Lissa with disbelief. She chuckled darkly when she noticed my doubt. "Trust me, I'm not making this up. It was so scary at first, I didn't understand anything what was going on. I was struggling alone with it and the more I was practicing with Spirit the worse I felt, both mentally and physically. It wasn't until I met another Spirit user that I understood what was going on and got the help I needed."

"Deirdre?" I asked carefully, remembering how Dimitri had mentioned her last night.

Lissa nodded. "But also just not overexerting myself. I'm still learning to balance everything. Going to a counselor as well as talking about things with Adrian and Christian has really helped me along."

"Adrian?"

"He's the other Spirit user I know, he was the one to inform me what was going on with me."

"Can he also heal people?"

"I'm better at it, but he can do other stuff. It's a little hard to explain." She paused for a moment, clearly processing a new thought. "You know, I've been thinking it's a Spirit user that compelled you to forget. That's the only explanation I can think of. Maybe if Adrian and I tried together we could help you."

I glanced over at Dimitri and even though he was far away I noticed him grit his teeth. I knew he had heard Lissa's suggestion, and my glance already told me he didn't approve of the idea.

"Maybe," I said dismissively. Lissa followed my gaze and watched Dimitri as well, probably realizing herself that he'd heard us. "Does Adrian go to St. Vlad's as well?" I asked.

"No, he's the queen's great nephew so he stays at Court most of the time. Lately he's been visiting me though."

When Lissa said that, Dimitri's eyes snapped to mine. His face was emotionless, but I knew him well enough by now to be certain that underneath the mask was anger. After a few seconds he looked over at Lissa instead, his dark eyes boring into hers.

"An Ivashkov will not go near Rose," he said with a tone of finality.

After our walk Lissa invited me to her room to hangout. I didn't want to go as I mostly felt like being alone, but didn't have the heart to say no. She really seemed as if she wanted to spend time with me. It was hard to wrap my head around how different she was from what a Royal Moroi should be like.

She wasn't this haughty, superior royalty that I had expected her to be. Instead, she was an ordinary girl who'd lost her family and who seemed a little lonely. Sure, she had Christian, but so far she hadn't really spoken about other close friends. With the exception of the other Spirit user, Adrian. Dimitri's reaction did surprise me, I wonder why the name Ivashkov meant so much to him. I pushed that thought to the side to be able to focus on Lissa.

I was trying to decide whether or not to ask her more about Deirdre. A part of me just wanted to forget about Dimitri's offer, but I couldn't deny that a part of me needed help. It felt as if I was running away from my problems, but the harder I tried to escape the more they were catching up with me. At the Institution, there had never been a time nor a place to feel anxiety. Everything I knew was normal, everything they did was normal, every lie that was told seemed normal. But now when I was again and again shown a new normal, my past was starting to affect me in a way that was hard for me to handle alone.

I figured it wouldn't hurt to ask. Lissa had mentioned Deirdre after all, so I figured she wouldn't be upset if I brought up the counselor.

"Do you like seeing Deirdre?" I asked tentatively.

Lissa looked up from her phone. "Yes, she's helped me a lot. I was doing stuff that wasn't good for me, and now I'm able to deal with it in another way."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Like I mentioned earlier, using Spirit affects me. It draws its energy from within me, which is different from the other elements. The others draw energy from their surroundings, so it's easier to manage the toll. But for me, I feel the effects directly, it's like a darkness. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself. So I developed harmful coping methods to deal with all of that, like cutting myself and healing the cuts afterwards."

"Oh."

"Deirdre made me realize that self-harm is serious, and that I needed other ways to cope. We're working on that together."

I felt sorry for Lissa, and walked over to her. I placed my hand on her frail shoulder and gave it a slight squeeze. It felt inadequate, but I wanted to show in some way support. She gave me a small smile.

"Are you thinking about counseling?" she asked me.

I nodded. "Dimitri mentioned the possibility of getting remote sessions, but I haven't really decided yet."

"If you're scared they're going to find out about this place I know they looked into security already, that shouldn't-"

"It's not that," I interrupted gently.

"What's holding you back then?"

Last night I had become defensive when Dimitri had mentioned getting professional help, thinking he meant that I was crazy, that there was something wrong with me. I looked at Lissa, trying to apply that definition on her. But I couldn't. Lissa wasn't crazy, she was just someone who needed a hand to deal with the cards that were dealt to her.

Maybe it was the same for me.

I didn't want to offend her, so I decided to evade her question and ask another one instead. "What's Deirdre like then?"

"She can be quite hard, asking tough questions. But for me they've been eye openers in many ways. If you don't like her, there's also Dr. Olendzki. She's softer around the edges, maybe she would be better."

"The doctor sounds better," I admitted.

Lissa shrugged her shoulders. "Well, think about it. Don't feel like anyone's forcing you, it's your decision."

I gave her a thankful smile. "Does Adrian see a counselor too?" I asked as the thought popped into my head.

"He copes with things differently," Lissa said carefully. "Like I said, there's healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with things. I'd say he opts for the less healthy alternatives."

"Like self-harm?"

"In a way I suppose it's just that. He doesn't cut himself or anything like that, but he has problems with substance abuse. Like cigarettes, alcohol."

"Oh."

Adrian sounded scary. A drunk Royal Moroi was the last thing I wanted to be around. Lissa must've sensed my apprehension because she immediately started defending him.

"That sounded a lot worse than it is. In reality he's a sweet guy trying to get by."

I wasn't convinced. "So, if he doesn't heal like you, what does he do?" I asked, hoping she'd tell me more. If he was the possible key to retrieving my memories, I might have to give him a chance.

Although I suspected Dimitri would be the one that needed most convincing.

Lissa looked thoughtful. "He'd be so much better at explaining it. He sees auras, it's like the person's mood. Or emotions, essence, something like that. He can see if my Spirit darkness threatens to overpower me."

"How does he see it?"

"I'm not even sure if I can explain it right. He kind of sees it around the person, it sounds so silly. In addition to auras, he can sleepwalk."

"Sleepwalk? As in sleepwalking?"

"As in he can enter someone's dream and talk to them."

That was so creepy, and I instinctively tensed up. "Can he reach anyone?"

Lissa looked a bit mischievous. "Are you worried that he will enter your dreams?"

I wanted to deny that, but the truth was that I was terrified of it. I didn't want an unknown man, a drunk Royal Moroi for that matter, to enter my dreams. God knows what he could do, even if it would only be in my dreams.

"Don't worry, I don't think he can reach a person he hasn't met. But it's not as bad as it sounds."

"You say that a lot about him."

"Well, it's true!" she exclaimed. I got the feeling that she was protecting him and in a way it was kind of sweet. Friends were supposed to stand up for each other. And if someone like Lissa, kind and caring, was friends with someone like Adrian, maybe he wasn't that bad. Still, the way Dimitri had said that an Ivashkov will not come near me made me think I'd never meet this Adrian.

"Hey, before I forget, I wanted to give you this."

I looked at Lissa and noticed that she had a white envelope in her hand. I took it from here and peeked inside. My head immediately shot up again, shocked.

"I can't take this."

It was clear that she was expecting me to argue.

"Look, it's not that much. At least for me it isn't, and I just think you should have some money to spend on things you need. Or want."

I looked again at the content of the envelope, the stack of bills. They looked different from the ones I was used to seeing in Russia, but I knew she'd handed me money.

"I gave some to your guardians as well, it's all according to plan. You're a person, a girl for that matter. You should be able to buy something for yourself, and it's not like you can get a job all of the sudden."

She stood up and gathered her bag. "If it makes you feel any better I gave a lot more to your guardians. I'm also saying this because if you see Spiridon with a new watch then he didn't spend it on food and other necessities," she grinned. I smiled as well, thinking how comfortable she'd already become with Spiridon. He had that effect on people.

"I need to head out. Dimitri has my number, you can call me anytime."

I nodded and we walked out of her room. Yuri was waiting for Lissa by the stairs and extended an arm when she got close to him. He took her bag, and Lissa turned towards Dimitri and Spiridon to say something. While the others were occupied I tried my best to ignore the discomfort of being so close to Yuri. He was looking at me with a kind smile, but despite his effort it was hard to relax. I waited patiently for the others to finish up and we all said our goodbyes. I didn't bother going upstairs since Celeste was already outside.

The second I heard the front door close I breathed out a deep breath of relief. I had done the impossible. I had survived a weekend with a Royal Moroi and her two somewhat scary guardians.

Later that day Dimitri, Spiridon and I were perched up on the couch downstairs. I had already cleared the guardian quarters and Lissa's room, their bedding in the washing machine. It felt nice with the guests gone, just me and my two guardians.

My feet were cold so I drew them up, tucking them under the blanket. The couch was cramped with all three of us in it so my feet pressed against Dimitri's thigh. He was radiating warmth and I didn't even bother to excuse myself, just stealing some of his excessive body heat. He didn't move or shift so I figured he didn't really mind.

It felt so normal, so domestic to sit and watch tv. I wasn't particularly interested in the movie, something else drawing my attention. When Dimitri leaned forward to grab his glass from the coffee table I felt his muscles in his thigh tense from the movement. I resisted the urge to wiggle my toes and press into him.

After the movie was finished I headed to the laundry room to move the laundry into the dryer from the washer. Dimitri, as the stubborn man he was, followed me there to help. Only it didn't really take four hands to lift laundry from one place into another so I ended up standing next to him while he finished up. The room was small and he seemed to fill it entirely.

He closed the door to the dryer and turned towards me. He looked a bit mischievous, which was an unusual look for him. I tried to lift one eyebrow like he so expertly could, and obviously failed.

"Have you ever tried pizza?"

"I know what pizza is."

"But have you ever tried it?" he prompted.

"No. Are we going to go get pizza?" I asked, curbing my enthusiasm. It was getting late and I was pretty sure there weren't any restaurants nearby. And so far I hadn't left the house.

"No, we're not going to go get pizza," he said, smirking slightly.

Now my eyebrows fell into a frown.

"We're going to make pizza," he continued.

I couldn't contain my grin and he too smiled wildly.

"You did that on purpose," I said, knowing he'd played with me.

"I don't know what you're talking about," he deadpanned. "But yes," he added with a wink and a smirk. Playful Dimitri was fun.

We headed to the kitchen, taking turns washing our hands. He started taking out the necessary ingredients. I helped him add all the dry ingredients into a bowl, and watched him take a clean kitchen cloth to wipe down the counter once more.

"Add the water," he murmured next to me. "Make sure it's cold."

I filled out one with the exact measurements, taking more care than normally to make sure it was at the exact right line. I added it into the mix, and he started incorporating all ingredients.

"Now what?" I asked and turned to him.

He removed his hoodie and placed it on the back of a chair. When he was pulling it over his head his t-shirt got caught and a slight sliver of skin revealed the fascinating v shape of his sculpted lower abdomen.

I was sure that even the far-away neighbors heard me swallow, not to mention Dimitri.

"Now we put in some elbow grease."

He poured the slightly combined mixture onto the kitchen counter and started kneading the dough.

I could've offered to help. But I didn't.

Instead, I pretended to clean up the bowl, secretly watching the muscles in his forearms work the dough. It was absolutely fascinating. It wasn't only the muscles in his forearms, his upper arms, shoulders and chest were also part of the steady movement.

It took me an embarrassingly long time to realize he'd stopped and was looking at me. A question painted his face and I immediately started scrubbing the already clean bowl.

"Are you trying to wash off the surface?" he said with a slight smirk. I rinsed off the bowl with a scowl and dried it off with a kitchen towel. He continued to knead the dough and I prepped the toppings we had chosen.

Spiridon came in after having checked the wardline. He walked over to Dimitri, completely ignoring me. He looked like he was in work-mode, the guardian mode, and started explaining something to Dimitri in Russian. He was talking so fast, Dimitri offering short replies every now and then. Despite working the dough he didn't sound at all flustered. I knew that if I was doing that I'd be out of breath.

I grabbed a soda and sat down by the kitchen counter, now watching Dimitri's back. I could understand words here and there, like Arthur and Blackbird.

It felt uncomfortable that they were talking in Russian in front of me, knowing that I didn't understand it. That could only mean that it was something they were trying to keep from me. I strained my ears further but it didn't help, I still couldn't understand.

Dimitri stopped kneading and wrapped the dough with plastic wrapper and placed it into the oven. The oven wasn't turned on, so I was a bit confused. But instead of asking I just sat there, observing the two men.

It was increasingly frustrating being invisible to them. What they were doing was rude. Dimitri washed his hands and grabbed a glass of water while Spiridon was arguing with him, speaking rapidly words that I didn't understand.

"Pozhaluysta, pozvol' mne pososat' tvoy chlen," I said with a devious smirk. It was the longest thing Igor had taught me to say, but I had repeated that sentence so many times it was well rehearsed.

Both men stopped talking the second I had said the words, and the glass in Dimitri's hand exploded. I jumped up from my seat, Spiridon cursed and water sprayed across the kitchen. My mouth was open in shock as I tried to understand what had happened.

Dimitri was still holding onto the glass, or the shards of glass, and the blood started to drip onto the floor.

"Dimitri!" I gasped.

"What did you just say?" he asked in a deadly tone. The hairs stood up on the back of my neck.

"Nothing, I swear it was a joke," I started apologizing. Spiridon was also looking at me with a strange seriousness, tilting his head to the side and narrowing his eyes at me.

"Repeat what you just said," Dimitri prompted.

"No, please, it was a joke. Let's just forget about it."

"I thought you didn't know how to speak Russian," Spiridon asked.

"I don't! I just know a few things!"

"Who taught you to say that?" Spiridon asked and absentmindedly gave Dimitri a kitchen towel. Dimitri grabbed it, keeping his eyes on me instead of tending to his wounds properly. The white towel got stained with his blood.

"We need to clean that wound, we need to-" I rambled, hoping the ground would swallow me. I had no idea that calling them a stupid idiot would make them so angry. I had gotten used to our friendly banter, especially with Spiridon, and didn't understand their reaction at all.

"Why did you think it would be funny to say that?" Dimitri asked calmly. His tone was too calm, dangerous.

I was starting to get angry, the sinking feeling in my stomach was making me nauseous. I held up my hands. "Look, how the hell was I supposed to know that calling you idiots would make you so angry. I mean, get over yourself. I've been calling-"

"What do you think you just said?" Dimitri cut in. He was still calm, but it was clear that he was hanging onto a thread.

"I called you stupid idiots! And I was right to do that, do you have any idea how bad it makes me feel to listen to your scheming in Russian."

My stomach continued to sink even further when I took in their expression. Now, instead of only showing shock and anger, I noticed the increasing pity.

"What?" I snapped. "What is going on?"

Dimitri moved over to the sink to wash his bloodied hand. I got the feeling that he didn't want to face me.

"Who taught you how to say that?" Spiridon asked again and crossed his arms over his chest. I was upset that he was so indifferent about Dimitri's cuts, his friend was bleeding a lot but it didn't seem to be an issue for him. Instead, he kept badgering me.

"He was just being friendly, teaching me something I could say to him if I thought he was being a jerk. It was all in good fun, I swear."

"Who?" Spiridon prompted again.

I was getting more and more anxious by their behavior. "Igor taught me that, okay," I said angrily. "What is going on?"

When I said Igor's name Dimitri stilled, appearing not to even breathe. He slowly turned around and the look on his face made me sick to my stomach.

"I don't think you know what that really means," he said with a look of pity on his face.

"Then tell me. What does it mean?"

He cleared his throat and looked uncomfortable, exasperated even. Even Spiridon was composed.

"Tell me!" I yelled, not able to fight the frustration any longer.

"It means," Dimitri said slowly, "please let me suck your cock."

Author's note: Sorry if the translations are bad, we had to use Google Translate. Please let us know if we need to correct it.

And thank you for all your support and encouragement!