You - Prankster Harry is always good! And yeah, his basilisk skin makes him more resilient, though not impervious to injury and magic.
I'll confess... and it may be clear, but this story has been leaving me somewhat disheartened lately. I knew I would probably lose some interest when I upped it to M, because not everyone reads fanfiction with sex in, but now I feel like I get no feedback or excitement from readers (aside from You, of course) and it's making me wonder if there's much point putting in the mental energy that Chosen Two costs this chronically anxious, self-deprecating mess of an author.
This isn't me begging for reviews or any of that... but I guess I do wish people would straight up say 'this is awful' or 'I still enjoy it'. Year Four seemed to go so well, now I feel like I'm wasting my time even if I know I'm meant to write for an audience of one.
Ok, sad rambling over. On with the chapter.
-YDHP-
Vlad couldn't focus much on his tutoring, much to an exasperated Bertrand's mild irritation. He kept focusing instead on his sense of Harry's feelings, confused by the amusement, the exertion and then the confusion.
At no point did he feel his mate was in pain, but Vlad was still on edge. Bertrand eventually got tired of his distraction and pacing.
"Get out of here. You aren't learning anything."
"Sorry, its just that woman..."
"Your mate is at risk, I understand. Go. Try not to murder her."
Vlad packed up his stuff, hurriedly thanked his tutor and hastened to get down to where Harry was in detention. He could sense his mate still in there, sitting down and wrapping himself in Harry's Invisibility Cloak to wait. He didn't care how long he was there. He was waiting to see Harry was safe.
As it turned out; he waited two hours.
His backside ached, his legs were stiff and his back creaked ominously when he got up, but Harry looked unharmed and he didn't smell injured. Vlad noticed Harry could sense he was there, looking right at the invisible spot Vlad stood, walking purposefully toward the tapestry that hid a staircase from third floor to sixth, and a side room full of empty cauldrons.
"Vlad?"
He shucked the Cloak, folding it and carefully placing Harry's family heirloom into his bags front pocket again.
"Hey."
"Hey."
"So... how was detention?"
He looked at Harry's hands closely, but there were no cuts or blood. Harry let him run his thumbs over the back of them, reassuring himself.
"She didn't use the quill?"
"Oh, she tried. My scales wouldn't let it cut me. No cut, no ink. I tore the parchment trying but not a scratch."
"Huh. Basilisk resistance. You'll have to thank Samael for me."
"I will. That reminds me, he's due a feed. Kitchens?"
"Sure. I could do with a snack."
Harry - practicing his own invisibility skills, using a spell instead of his Cloak - and Vlad headed down to the kitchens, greeted eagerly by the elves despite the late hour.
"Masters Harry and Vlad! What can Bonnie do for yous?"
"Harry here needs one of those big hunks of raw meat, and I'm just straight up hungry."
Vlad knew his appetite would begin to fluctuate as he neared his transformation, so he was going to make the best of the time where he could eat comfortably normal things. He would be imitating Harry within the year, though perhaps not in such large portions. His eyes took themselves over to where Harry and his broad muscles were, forearms working to take the huge lump of basilisk feed. It had a shield charm of sorts around it, preventing it from leaking on the floor.
Plied with leftover chicken and gravy pie plus vegetables, Vlad watched Harry eye the raw meat longingly before joining him and taking the cakes the elves offered happily.
"Have you ever eaten in your other form?"
Harry's eyes flashed with amusement, piqueing Vlad's interest.
"No, but I haven't spent loads of time in it, and always in controlled places. What about yours?"
"I need to change and cry in a jar. Got detention tomorrow, and the night after that. Probably more by the time I'm done tomorrow."
"You know, you really should try not to-" Harry couldn't finish, bursting into mirthful laughte "sorry, I sounded like Hermione and really, I'm in no place to scold you. I changed in front of her, she screamed and fainted."
For a second, Vlad imagined Umbridge fainting at the sight of Harry naked. He often came close himself. Then he realised.
"In a classroom?"
"No, outside her office. Only for a few seconds, but it was so funny. I ran to get Madam Pomfrey like a good student, Umbridge sat up demanding to know where the snake had gone."
Vlad joined in laughing, now realising why Harry had been projecting so much amusement earlier.
"What happened after that?"
"Well... I might have accidentally had snake eyes. Just for a second. Then obviously that quill didn't work. She wasn't happy."
"She's lucky she's breathing"
Vlad stabbed at his potato perhaps a little too venomously, Umbridge and her Wolfsbane really getting under his skin. Almost literally. Ingrid would suffer even more, being transformed.
"Could always have her eaten."
"Don't tempt me. I wouldn't want Samael to choke on that cardigan."
Harry grinned, chuckling around a mouthful of toffee and apple cake. One of the Hogwarts elves' finest inventions, Vlad decided as he ate a piece.
"We should get back, prefect rounds ended ten minutes ago so we can beat the Ministry replacements coming on."
Nodding, Harry took charge of his meatball thing while Vlad accepted more cake and sweets from the elves, plus a box of pastries. Well... if their dorm mates wanted, midnight feast or lazy breakfast he supposed.
They made it to the dorm without being seen, though Harry had to mask the huge meatball for a minute as Neville was getting up for the loo. Eyeing them sleepily, the other boy looked confused.
"Were you both in detention?"
Vlad shook his head as he sat on the edge of his bed, unlacing his shoes.
"No, I had tutoring, met Harry en route. Then we went to the kitchens because we were both hungry. Hence the cake over there."
"Oh."
Neville continued on his way, crawling back into bed and emitting soft snores a few minutes later. Checking the rest of their dorm mates were asleep, Harry pulled out the trunk Samael lived in and opened it up, dropping down with his meaty offering. Vlad let him have that time with his familiar, grabbing his pyjamas and a glass jar, then heading into the bathroom.
Hopefully nobody walked in as Vlad shifted forms, stretching his wings and managing to awkwardly lean over the jar, dripping tears from his feathered head to land in the receptacle. Half full, he figured that would do and shifted back, almost knocking the jar over in his somewhat less graceful human-ish form.
Harry didn't resurface from the trunk until Vlad was changed for bed, had brushed his teeth and was flicking through a book on vampire bloodlines to pass the time. His mate smiled, putting his trunk away and changing into pyjama bottoms before detouring to clean up for bed. Vlad watched him go, hugely enjoying Harry's bare torso. He was broad and muscular without being overly vascular - he looked strong but not vain.
He invited himself (though realistically, Vlad knew Harry was always invited) onto Vlad's bed, sitting at the other end to chew on some biscuits (hadn't he just brushed his teeth?) so as not to get crumbs over the part of the bed they would be sleeping in. Vlad put his book aside and charmed the curtains to stay closed and silent, waiting for Harry to be done eating so he would lay across Vlad like his own personal vampire pillow.
"Be careful with showing your form around Umbridge. If she gets suspicious, she'll have you watched."
"I know. I just couldn't resist. It would get a bit obvious if she only saw a Basilisk when I was around."
Playing his fingers through Harry's hair, Vlad chuckled.
"I would love to see her sell that one though. Boy who lived; secretly a giant snake."
"The weirdest truths are still truths."
"Mmm. True."
He could feel Harry rolling his eyes, but both were growing tired and sleep beckoned both Basilisk and Phoenix to dreams together.
Umbridge was oddly tame and quiet for a few days. Vlad even said his detentions weren't with the cursed quill.
Of course, she was planning something.
Vlad recoiled when they got to the door of the classroom, Wolfsbane strung around it like Christmas tinsel in September. Umbridge was swanning up and down the classroom, looking rather pleased with herself as Vlad began to sweat. It was going to get increasingly obvious he eas affected, meaning Umbridge could out him without outing him.
Remembering the first incidents he had with his magic when Samael first bit him, Harry had an idea.
Fishing a piece of scrap parchment out of his pocket, Harry rolled it into a loose cylinder and dropped it to the floor. Everyone distracted by sitting in their chairs and pulling out the terrible books, Harry charmed the parchment to look and wriggle like a small snake, sending it after their teacher and waiting for it to start slithering around her leg.
He might start bringing Lily to class.
"Professor?"
Harry said it politely, hand in the air.
"What, Potter?.
She snapped viciously.
"There's something moving on your leg."
Her screams could have woken the undead. While everyone watched as she threw herself around the room in a panic to throw off the snake, Harry managed to burn away the Wolfsbane hung around the door with little notice except a shaking Vlad.
"Thanks."
Vlad murmured it under his breath, wiping his sweaty forehead as the tremors eased.
"I'm not done yet."
Harry pulled out the next part of his revenge plan - any Gryffindor knew that Honeydukes tended to be wrapped in gold, and that the Weasley-warning for prank sweets was to use red or silver foil instead, so none of his nearby classmates asked about the chocolate Harry pulled out.
One square was perfectly safe, marked with a W. The easiest way to get prank food eaten by a professor - a tried and true method - was to be caught eating it in class. Nobody ever ate things confiscated from the twins, but Harry wasn't a Weasley twin. Cancelling the charms on his 'snake' joke, Harry decided to pitch joke snakes to the twins as Umbridge shook, flustered and angry.
"Alright! Who was it?"
Crabbe piped up dumbly in response.
"Who was what Professor?"
"That... that snake! Was it you Slytherins?"
Seizing the chance, Harry broke off the 'safe' chunk of chocolate and popped it in his mouth just as Umbridge turned around. Perfectly timed to be caught.
"Potter!"
"Hm?"
"Are you eating in my class?"
Harry shook his head, knowing full well he was. He rather unsubtly looked to be pocketing something, something she came and snatched from his hand.
"Detention, Mr Potter! Be thankful it's not two for lying."
She backed away pretty quickly when she realised how close she was to Vlad, who wanted to leap across and kill the woman judging by the look in his eyes. Harry swallowed his chocolate, burying his head in his book and trying to look sufficiently scolded for Hermione's sake - she hadn't seen the foil wrapping was the wrong colour. Or she had, and thought two pranks per class was too much.
The room fell silent as everyone read their books in sheer and total boredom, time ticking away as everyones brains stagnated. Even Hermione stifled a yawn in her hand.
Then it happened - Umbridge couldn't resist the chocolate. Different chunks did different things, and the first few weren't as noticable. A sly chunk slipped into her mouth first had Umbridge suffering hiccups, which began to emit large blue bubbles.
"What hic is the hic meaning of this? Hic"
"Must be Droobles gum inside the chocolate professor."
Draco, with his prefect badge and winning smile of pure grace, answered. Prank-helping prefect - responsibilities didn't trump brotherhood.
"Is she allowed to eat my food?"
Harry pretended to be distressed at the loss of his chocolate, and Umbridge immediately looked uncomfortable in between hiccups.
"How hic long does this hic last?"
The room was starting to look like a bubble party, several dozen hovering over their heads and diluting the impact of the pink-stained classroom.
"Normally about five minutes."
Students were beginning to lazily bat the bubbles around, pushing them out of the way of their books or trying to get them to stick to the walls or each other. Eventually the effect on Umbridge wore off, the woman glaring at anyone who snickered. She pulled her wand and Vanished the bubbles... well, she tried to.
They began to multiply, changing colour and popping with loud bangs only to leave two smaller bubbles in their place.
"The bubbles are exploding, everyone out!"
One student called, everyone grabbing their bags and running for the door as Umbridge kept trying to curse the bubbles out of existence. Harry wanted to give the Weasley twins a medal. They all lined the hallway, a passing Auror spotting them and noticing the loud bangs and Umbridge shrieks emanating from the room.
"What's going on here?"
"Professor Umbridge stole my chocolate and now there are exploding bubbles in there."
Harry maintained his innocent expression, watching the Auror brandish his wand and charge in. They waited with bated breath as more explosions sounded, finally falling silent as the five minute mark lapsed. Both teacher and Auror came out, covered in blue Droobles gum residue.
"Potter! Detention! Again!"
"Because you ate his chocolate?"
"You can join him Dracula!"
"Hang on, because he pointed out you were unjustified?"
"Zabini! You too!"
Her face was turning red with irritation, bringing out the hideous shade of her clothes. The Auror excused himself, picking gum out of his hair. She opened her mouth to continue berating them, but the bell for end of class rang out and everyone split. He, Vlad and Blaise had to wait to be assigned detention, remarkably all getting one on the same night.
Had she learned nothing?
"You want to tell Gin about this or shall we? She'll be ever so proud you defended a lion."
Blaise cracked a small smile, shrugging.
"I didn't do it for that. She was out of order. I better go, Theo is waiting for me."
Vlad grinned at Harry as they walked toward Transfiguration, unsurprisingly glared at by McGonogall as they slipped into their seats a few minutes late.
"We were-"
"I am already aware. You will remain behind after class, you have interrupted enough learning today."
They immediately lowered their faces to their work - McGonogall was much scarier than Umbridge. The class was on Vanishing, as Vanishing Charms were easier than Conjuring, meaning they worked up to it. Except Vlad, who had been mastering magic years in advance of it being taught - but then he was a vampire. If there were enough magical vampires to put a school together specifically for them, they would probably learn everything well in advance.
Lingering after class, McGonogall waited for the room to be clear before she pointed them to seats, adjusting her glasses perched severely on her nose.
"I realise you are both being unfairly targeted by our newest member of staff, but antagonizing her is not going to help."
Vlad nodded silently, though Harry knew it wouldn't stop him. Rather than pretend to be contrite, Harry defended them both.
"She's using illegal methods in detention. I don't think that matches up to popping bubbles."
"I beg your pardon?"
"She has this... this quill. It cuts your hand when you write with it."
McGonogall raised an eyebrow, turning to Vlad for confirmation. He sighed, not happy to be put on the spot.
"It's true."
"You have proof?"
"I stole one of them after detention. It's in my bag."
"Would you go and- oh."
Vlad pulled his backpack out of his pocket, enlarging it and handing over the large, lethal quill. McGonogall turned it over in her hands, eyeing the cursed tip.
"We can't simply sack Umbridge with the might of the Ministry behind her."
"So she gets away with this. Her bigotry against part-humans and me is one thing, but there are eleven year old children in this school not being taught to defend themselves, and possibly being tortured. The Ministry are afraid of the VHC, and they would have to be pretty sure of no backlash to go up against the golden boy here. Nobody else is in such a position to challenge her."
Harry rolled his eyes - he was no golden boy. McGonogall sighed, contemplating Vlad.
"And you're willing to take this sort of thing?"
"If it keeps her attentions on me? Yes. It won't be the first time."
Vlad's hand twitched toward his chest, where their teacher obviously had been told by Dumbledore that Vlad was Marked, and why.
"It isn't your job."
"Like its not Harry's job to defeat Voldemort. It's my choice. I'm not asking for your permission."
She surveyed them more closely, possibly noting how attuned they were to the other and Harry realised for the first time, he didn't mind the idea of someone working out their relationship. If there were no need for secrecy with Riddle, he would have comfortably gone public with Vlad.
"You think two fifteen year old boys can stand up between both Voldemort and the Ministry?"
"Two boys? No. Me and Harry? Absolutely."
Tapping her wizened hand upon the desk, McGonogall chewed on Vlad's words before nodding.
"Then I'll support you where I can. I can't fault you for displaying buckets of Gryffindor spirit now can I?"
Vlad grinned, clearly plotting something.
"Best support you can offer is to turn a blind eye to the Weasley twins wherever possible. I realise they cause trouble, but they take protecting the younger students incredibly seriously."
"Then you should forewarn them not to be found by me."
"We will."
"Off you go. Be careful Vladimir, the threat of your kind can only hold them back so long."
"It only needs to last until my birthday. No DADA professor has lasted over a year since we got here."
They left, remarkably bolstered by the support from their usually stern professor.
It really showed how serious things were.
As they reached the Hall for dinner, there were many hushed whispers about Umbridge's empty seat.
"I heard she can't stop sneezing glitter!"
"I heard she kept quacking like a duck!"
Harry tried to suppress his smile. Apparently the bubbles hadn't dissuaded the teacher from her stolen chocolate.
-YDHP-
I think I enjoy torturing Umbridge too much. Expect more of this.