At last!
Barley was finally going off to college, and he would not be missed.
"I'm going to my friend's house now!" Ian said. "Bye, Mom!
"Okay! Bye, Ian! I love you!"
Nobody has ever said that they loved me, Barley thought, frowning.
"Hey, Barley. Is something wrong?" Laurel asked.
"No, no! Everything's fine! Just finished packing…" said Barley.
Several months passed by. Barley left and did not contact his family at all.
"Boy, oh, boy!" Ian said. "I sure do miss Barley!"
"I hate to say this, but… me, too!" Laurel said.
"I wonder why he never called or anything," Ian said.
"I hope he's okay," said Laurel.
"Maybe he hates us!" Ian said, having an anxiety.
"Or maybe he's dead!" Colt chimed in.
"No! Don't say such a thing! You'll get Ian started again!" Laurel said.
"No, no!" Ian said. "Maybe he'll come home for The Winter Holiday!"
"Oh, yes! The Winter Holiday! I hope so! Especially since I will be cooking a huge feast!" Laurel said.
"You could try calling him, Ian," Colt suggested.
"N-n-no! I can't!" said Ian.
"Why not? I think that's a wonderful idea!" said Laurel.
"I'm too scared to use the phone!" Ian said, crying.
"Well, maybe this is your fault, then!" Colt said.
"No, no, no!" Ian cried harder.
"That's it. Go to your room, Ian. I don't want to hear your crying anymore," Laurel said.
""FINE!" Ian said, running off to his room.
After taking a few minutes to calm down, Ian worked up the courage to call Barley.
Barley did not answer, so Ian left a message.
Hey, Barley. I just wanted to say hi. And I miss you, and it's almost the holiday, and I want to see you again!
Time passed by quickly. Soon, The Winter Holiday had started.
"It still won't be the same without Barley!" Ian whined.
"Oh, no! I forgot some of the dinner ingredients!" Laurel said. "I'll have to go to the store and get them."
She got into her car and drove away.
A few minutes later, Ian heard heavy metal playing in the distance.
Barley was almost home!
"AH! Finally home! I can't wait to eat!" Barley said, as he pulled into the driveway. "Well… in just a moment!"
He ran inside to use the bathroom.
Ian could barely contain his excitement, until he realized something.
Oh, no! I didn't even get Barley a gift or anything!
"Hey, Mom! I'm home!" Barley said.
Of course, there was no response.
"I'm home, Ian!" Barley said.
Still no response.
"I was sure that he'd be happy to see me…" Barley said. "I guess I'll just leave!"
Ian slithered out of the attic and ran down the stairs.
"NO! Don't Leave!"
"Ian! There you are! I'm so happy to see you!" said Barley, holding out his arms for a hug.
"I'm so sorry!" Ian cried, not accepting the hug.
"Sorry about what?" Barley asked, keeping his arms stretched out.
"I didn't get you a welcome home gift!" Ian said.
"Oh, little bro!" Barley said. "You don't need to do that! Seeing you is better than any gift in the world!"
"Oh, okay," Ian said. "Hey, that gives me an idea. Let's give Mom a gift, too!"
"Good idea!" Barley said. His stomach gurgled loudly.
"Barley!" Ian said. "That's gross!"
"I'm hungry," Barley said. "Do you have any food?"
"NO!"
An hour later, Laurel finally came back. But she had no interest in opening her "gift".
"I need to put away groceries," she said.
"I'll help," said Ian.
"Yes," said Laurel. "Yes, you will."
Afterwards, Laurel went to open the "gift".
"Wow! It's so big!" she said.
She tore the wrapping paper open, revealing Barley.
"Surprise!" Barley said.
"Oh," said Laurel. "It's you."
"Aren't you happy to see me after so long?"
"I was hoping for a real present."
"Do you have any food?" Barley asked.
"NO!" Laurel snarled. "What is wrong with you, always wanting food?"
"I didn't eat enough at college!" said Barley. "Look at me! I've been starved!"
"You look just as fat as you always do!" Laurel said.
"Oh, okay. I'm gonna go to my room and play the drums!" Barley said.
"Okay, have fun!" Laurel said, smirking.
Barley went to his room, only to find that his drum set was gone.
"What happened to my drums?" he asked.
"I sold them," Laurel said.
"WHAT?! WHY?!"
"You weren't using them."
"That was because I was at college!"
"You should've taken them with you."
"ARGH! You're so mean!" said Barley. '"Dad would've let me keep it."
"Well, he's not alive anymore, now, is he?" Laurel asked.
Barley left without saying anything.
Did I say something bad? Laurel wondered. No, it is Barley who is wrong.
"Barley, where are you going?" Ian asked.
"Just for a little drive."
"Can I come?"
"Do you really wanna?"
"Yes," Ian said. "Unlike Mom, I value spending time with you."
"Alright!" Barley said. "Let's go!"
"Please stay safe. The roads are icy…" Laurel said.
"You're only saying that because I have Ian with me," said Barley. He stuck his tongue out at Laurel, and then left.
After driving in silence for several minutes, Ian asked Barley where they were going.
"Who knows? I'm just following my gut!" Barley said, patting his belly.
Ian reached over so that he could also pat Barley's belly.
"Whoa! What the heck, man?!" Barley almost crashed the van.
"Uh-oh… did I cause that?"
"No. I…uh… just skidded on some ice. Icy roads, y'know?"
"Maybe we should just go home," Ian said. "It's too dangerous for us to be driving right now!"
"No, no!" Barley said. "We're almost to the park!"
"Oh, is that where we're going?" Ian asked.
"Yeah!" Barley said. "The pond is frozen! Perfect for ice skating…"
"I don't know, that sounds scary…" Ian said.
"It's not!" Barley said. "Just trust me and try it, little bro!"
"Uh… okay…" Ian said. "Wait, we don't even have ice skates! Guess we can't skate!"
"Sure we can!" Barley said. "Everything we need is right here inside of Gwinny!"
Meanwhile, Corey was paying Laurel a surprise visit.
"Oh! Hi! What a surprise! I thought that you'd never visit my house again!"
"Well, I've forgiven you for leaving the toilet seat up."
"That wasn't me!"
"It wasn't?"
"No!" Laurel said. "Only a boy would do something disgusting like that!"
"Okay," Corey said. "Hey, I have a gift for you!"
Corey handed Laurel a dish of breath mints.
"Oh? Thanks…" Laurel said. "I will cherish these for the rest of my life. Wait. Did you steal these from a restaurant?"
"Maybe…"
"Are you saying that my breath stinks?"
"Uh… no!" Corey said. " Umm… uh… I gotta go!"
She left in a hurry, and Colt came in.
Ian was having fun skating, when Barley's stomach gurgled again.
The ice began cracking.
"AGH!" Ian screamed. "What was that?"
"That was me," Barley said, chuckling. "I'm still hungry!"
"No! The ice! I think it's cracking!" Ian said.
The two boys quickly made their way off of the ice, and decided to head home.
Inside the house, Colt and Laurel were dancing to loud music.
"You're a bad dancer!" Laurel complained.
"Well, I do have two left feet!" Colt said.
"Uh, no…" Barley said. I forgot my key!"
"Oh, no! We're locked outside in the cold! We're gonna freeze to death!" Ian said.
"I guess so…"
"I don't wanna die!"
"I'm so sorry, little bro…"
Ian rang the doorbell, but Laurel and Colt couldn't hear it over the loud music.
Just then, Colt accidentally kicked the door down.
"Yay!" Ian said. We can get in now!"
The next morning, Ian had something to tell Barley.
"I've been thinking things over, and I've decided that I want to play Quests of Yore with you!"
"Really?!" Barley squealed.
"Yep!"
Barley babbled excitedly while setting up the game. "Okay! We're all ready! Now, what do you want…?"
He got cut off by Ian laughing.
"What's so funny, bro?" Barley asked.
"You really thought that I actually wanted to play your dorky game!"
"Y-y-you mean, you don't?"
"Of course not!" Ian laughed harder. "Ha! I pranked you good!"
"FINE! BE LIKE THAT!" Barley snapped. He stormed out of the room, knocking over his game board.
"Hmmm… why did he get so angry?" Ian wondered aloud.
"You should be nicer to him," Laurel said. "He's been through a lot," said Laurel.
"What do you mean by that?" Ian asked.
"Well, shortly after starting college, Barley got SICK and almost DIED," Laurel said.
"It was probably from partying too much. You know how college students are. I've seen it many times in person," Colt said.
"Colt, have you even been to college?" Laurel asked.
"Yes! The Police College!"
Laurel rolled her eyes.
Well, I'm sure that out holiday feast will cheer Barley up. And it's almost done cooking!
Barley was starting to think that nobody cared about him.
Maybe I should just hibernate! he thought.
Then, he smelled the dinner cooking.
"But first, dinner!"
At dinner time, Barley began shoveling food into his mouth.
Aww, my poor baby! I guess he was starving after all! Laurel thought.
"Slow down."
"Are you saying that I eat too much?" Barley asked.
"No, but you might choke!"
Barley immediately began choking.
"You'd better do something before I arrest you for murder," Colt said.
"Okay, okay!" said Laurel, getting behind Barley.
"Uh… what do I do now?"
"I don't know!" Colt said. "They didn't teach me the Heimlich maneuver at The Police College!"
Laurel started to put her arms around Barley, but he coughed up the food.
"He's fine."
"Maybe he was just faking it the whole time!" Ian said, laughing.
"Huh? What do you mean?" Barley asked.
"Yeah! Why would he pretend to choke?" Laurel asked.
"So that you would put your arms around him!" Ian said.
"I'm still confused."
"He just really wanted a hug!" Ian said. "That was the closest he could get!"
"Barley, is this true?" Laurel asked.
"No."
"I didn't think so."
The family continued their dinner in awkward silence.
"Well, Colt is taking me to see some of his relatives now," Laurel said.
"That's weird and dumb," Ian said.
"We will be gone for the rest of the week," Laurel continued. "Do not cause any trouble."
"I come all this way to visit you, and you just leave?!" Barley asked.
"Yes," Laurel said.
As she left, she slammed the door. A framed photo of Barley fell off the wall and shattered.
"Hi, Ian! I'm home!" Laurel said, when she returned.
"Hi, Mom! I missed you so much!" said Ian.
"I missed you, too!" Laurel said, hugging him.
"Did you also miss Barley?" Ian asked.
"No."
"But he hasn't even caused any trouble lately!" Ian said. "In fact, he's been sleeping this whole time!"
"LOL! He's so funny!" Laurel said. "Go wake him up. NOW."
"Why?" Ian asked.
"I have a gift for him," Laurel said. "And one for you, too."
"Okay," said Ian. He ran into Barley's room and jumped on him to wake him up.
"AGH!"
"Mom wants to see you."
"Oh, wow!" Barley said. "Really?"
Laurel had knit sweaters for both of them.
"I didn't know that you could knit!" Barley said.
"Well, that's because you never spend any time with me," Laurel said. "Go try them on. NOW!"
A few minutes later, the boys weren't wearing their new sweaters.
"Boys!"Laurel said. "Why aren't you wearing your new sweaters?"
"Mine was too small," said Barley.
"And mine was too big!" said Ian.
"Oh, no!" Laurel cried. "I failed Sweaterology!"
"Now what?" Ian asked.
"Just throw them away!" Laurel said. "Everything's ruined now!"
She cried harder.
"I'm the worst mom ever!"
Laurel clenched her teeth as Barley tried to hug her.
"Don't. Touch. Me."
The next day, the boys decided to go shovel snow from people's driveways for some reason.
"Awww… my boys are working so hard!" Laurel said. "I'll make some soup for them! They'll love coming home to nice, hot soup!"
"Barley's been bad," said Colt. "He doesn't deserve soup."
"Not as bad as that one year, when he tried going down a chimney," Laurel said.
The boys, however, did not love coming home to nice hot soup.
"Wow! This is good soup!" Ian said. "Uh… what's in it?"
"Uh… vegetables… and barley…" Laurel said.
"WHAT? YOU COOKED BARLEY? AND I ATE HIM?" Ian said. "NO!"
He ran away, crying.
"I don't know why he's so upset," Laurel said.
The end!
Moral of the story: If you love someone, you need to tell them!