Plumwillow awoke to the sound of birdsong and Creekfeather looming over her.

"Wanna go hunting?"

She closed her eyes again and hummed. "Who else is going?"

"What, am I not enough for you? Your favorite brother?"

Nettlesplash, a few nests away, did not protest, but he did speak up and say, "Just tell her if Swiftleap is going or not."

Creekfeather probably rolled his eyes. "Obviously my best friend is going. Yours is too, by the way. How does that sound?"

A morning hunt with Swiftleap, Honeyflower, and Creekfeather?

Plumwillow opened her eyes and smiled. "Sounds perfect."

"I'm so happy it's finally starting to get warm again," Honeyflower said, leaning against Plumwillow as they walked. "It'll be green-leaf before we know it."

"Speak for yourself. I wish it would stay new-leaf forever." Plumwillow watched on as Swiftleap and Creekfeather play fought up ahead, swatting pawfuls of dust at each other. Plumwillow wished Swiftleap would stop fooling around and walk beside her instead, but she reminded herself that they were scheduled to spend time together that evening (as long as he didn't forget about her. Again).

Honeyflower must have said something that Plumwillow didn't catch, because she bumped their hips together and said, "Bluebird for your thoughts?"

"I'm just wondering what Swiftleap has planned for us this evening. I hope he wants to go climbing."

"He's planning your date later? That's sweet of him!"

"Well, I asked him to plan something, but that's only fair! I've planned the last six dates!"

Honeyflower flicked her ears. "Six dates already? You two are spending a lot of time together."

If Honeyflower was Frecklewish then she would say something like, "Yeah, we really are, I hope he's going to ask me to be his mate soon!" If Honeyflower was one of her brothers then she would say something like, "Don't get your tail in a twist, he wants to take things slow." If Honeyflower was Tinycloud then she would say something like, "Tell me again how it feels to be in love with Sparrowpelt."

But Honeyflower was Honeyflower, and what Plumwillow really wanted to say was, "Six dates sound like a lot but I don't feel like we've spent much time together at all. Sometimes I don't feel like we've learned anything about each other. I'm worried that he doesn't love me like how I've always loved him."

"Plum?" Honeyflower prompted.

"Yeah!" Plumwillow exclaimed, loud enough to startle a nearby sparrow but somehow not enough to catch Swiftleap's eye. "We're definitely going steady! Who knows, maybe after tonight we'll even be official!"

Honeyflower stared at Plumwillow for a long moment, so long that it made Plumwillow nervous, but then she only said, "You should have shared that mouse with me before we left, Plum. I think you're starting to feel a little sick."

She shouldered her, and Plumwillow laughed a little and agreed, she should have eaten before they left camp. How silly of her.

Plumwillow was slumped over, fighting back a wave of nausea. "I can't believe you forgot."

"I didn't- no, Plumwillow, I've just been busy-"

"Busy doing what? Rolling around in the dust with Creekfeather, sharing tongues with the rest of our friends?" She shook her head. "It would be one thing if you forgot that it was your turn to plan a date but you forgot that we even had a date this evening! Look!" She gestured angrily towards the fading sunset. "We agreed to meet at sunset, but Silverpelt is nearly awake!"

Swiftleap fumbled for an excuse. "I thought we'd rescheduled the date, I didn't even realize- Honeyflower had to remind me about it. I panicked when she said something!"

The fact that Honeyflower had to remind Swiftleap was just an insult to injury. "Swiftleap, I'm starting to think that you don't feel the same way that I do." She stared at him, daring him to agree with her. But when Swiftleap didn't immediately protest she felt hot, angry tears well in her eyes.

"Don't cry, Plum," Swiftleap cooed, brushing up beside her. "Of course I feel the same way about you! I- I lov… I can really see a future with you!" He gave her shoulder a few licks. "I'm such a bird-brain. Why don't we go on that date now? We can take a walk alongside the river, or go to Sunset Rock, or-"

"Don't worry about it," Plumwillow grumbled, leaning into his soft pelt. "We'll just reschedule, and next time I'll plan the date." Again. "Accidents happen. Just… try not to let it happen again, okay?"

Swiftleap grinned at her, all handsome and stuff, and he asked, "Have I ever told you what a lucky tom I am?"

And Plumwillow was practically putty in his paws.

"How did your date go the other night? Sorry, I forgot to ask."

She wished Tinycloud wouldn't have remembered. "It didn't go."

Tinycloud paused as she groomed Plumwillow's back. "What does that mean? Did you have to reschedule? But it was such a pretty evening!"

"I mean, it was a really pretty evening, yes, but, well, Swiftleap has been busy lately and he sorta… forgot about it."

"He forgot again? Plumwillow-!"

"He's been busy!" Plumwillow repeated, frantic.

Tinycloud snorted. "Yeah, right. Busy getting into trouble with Creekfeather, maybe."

Plumwillow wanted to argue that Swiftleap hadn't been spending as much time with Creekfeather from what she could tell, but that would just prove Tinycloud's point. She huffed and started working on a tangle on her chest.

Tinycloud laid her tail across Plumwillow's back and asked, "Did he at least apologize to you for forgetting?"

Plumwillow tried to recall. "I mean, probably. Swiftleap doesn't like to argue." She returned to grooming her chest, pretending not to feel annoyed by the heat of Tinycloud's gaze.

She heard her friend suck in a deep breath. "You know, Plum, there are a lot of really nice toms in the Clan. It wouldn't hurt to give someone else a chance, explore another courtship, see where it takes you-"

"Are you serious?" Plumwillow gawked at her former mentor. "End things with Swiftleap because he forgot about one silly date? No! Is that what you would do if it were Sparrowpelt?"

"It's not the same thing," Tinycloud mumbled, almost to herself. "I'm just saying, I have two very single brothers-"

"You always complain that you feel sorry for whoever ends up with Rockshade and Bouncefire!"

"Well … Shrewtooth is sweet if you can look past his constant paranoia-"

"He's also completely in love with Ebonyclaw!"

"Okay, but Sagefoot is a lot of fun to hang out with-"

"Absolutely not," Plumwillow said venomously. "Sagefoot is the male version of Birdflight."

"That's not… okay, I can kinda see that if I squint, but Sagefoot doesn't have the desire to test death."

"You're being too harsh on Swiftleap," Plumwillow said firmly. "I never even considered ending our courtship."

Tinycloud stared at her, a sad sort of look on her face. "Yeah, I'm not surprised. You've been head over paws for him since I can remember."

"Exactly. It was an accident, he was just busy." Busy doing what, though, Plumwillow forced herself to not dwell on. Tinycloud looked off in the distance at nothing in particular and murmured,

"I wonder what Honeyflower is doing this morning."

Plumwillow shrugged, simply grateful that Tinycloud was done pressing her.

"Have you seen Swiftleap today?" Creekfeather asked, brushing up beside her.

Plumwillow looked up from the fresh-kill pile. "He told me that he was going climbing with you?"

She thought she saw panic flash across Creekfeather's face, but it was gone too quickly to be sure. "Oh, fox-dung, that's right! I better go meet up with him!"

Creekfeather hurried away, and Plumwillow hummed fondly to herself. See, Tinycloud. Swiftleap isn't the only tom who forgets about things.

Whenever Plumwillow discovered a new clump of herbs she always liked to bring a mouthful to Echosong and Frecklewish, especially since it was new-leaf and their storage was still a bit low from leaf-bare. The lavender in her mouth smelled so nice, she asked Frecklewish if she could have a little bit to weave into her nest.

"Oh, sure, go ahead," Frecklewish said with a wave of her tail. "We actually have plenty of lavender now, since Honeyflower and Swiftleap found a patch-"

"Honeyflower and Swiftleap?" Plumwillow echoed. "When did they-"

Frecklewish's eyes widened. "Did I say Honeyflower and Swiftleap? Sorry, I meant Petalnose and Swiftleap!"

Plumwillow stared at her friend. "That makes even less sense, Frecklewish."

Frecklewish winced. "Yeah, it doesn't make a lot of sense, but you know I'm a terrible liar, Plum. I would tell you if-"

Echosong called for Frecklewish then, and Plumwillow had never seen Frecklewish so eager to get away before. She stood in the Medicine Den listening; apparently Sandytail was choking on a feather and now Shrewtooth was convinced that he had black-cough, and Echosong could only handle so much stupidity by herself.

Petalnose and Swiftleap went herb hunting together? Plumwillow wondered, then shrugged. It was a good thing that she wasn't as paranoid as Shrewtooth, or else she really might think that Frecklewish was lying to her.

They were supposed to be watching the sunset together but even if StarClan were putting on their most awe-inspiring show, she wouldn't have noticed as she snuggled deeper into Swiftleap's soft fur.

"Have I ever told you what a lucky tom I am?" Swiftleap murmured in her ear, his breath warm.

"Yeah, but tell me again," Plumwillow purred, closing her eyes happily.

And if she caught Honeyflower's scent on the breeze, then that was just Shrewtooth's paranoia rubbing off on her.

"Oh, this is so exciting!" Fallowfern exclaimed. "I know that we've known about her pregnancy for a little while now, but it feels so real now that she's moved into the Nursery!"

"Sharpclaw and Cherrytail's kits," Rockshade sighed, almost longingly. "Those brats are going to come out of the womb playing leap-and-seek."

Plumwillow shot Rockshade a strange look and filed that bit of weirdness away to share with Tinycloud later.

"Clovertail is so excited to have someone else in the Nursery with her. She's already talking about who's 'next in line'," Ebonyclaw said with a purr. Her eyes slid over to Rockshade and Plumwillow quickly filed that away for Tinycloud as well.

Rockshade seemed oblivious to Ebonyclaw's interest, and announced, "It's going to be Honeyflower, obviously. She and Swiftleap are practically mates already!"

Plumwillow froze. "What?"

Fallowfern looked back at her daughter, confused. "I thought you were courting Swiftleap, Plum? Did something happen?"

"No-no, nothing's happened. Rockshade, why would you say something like that?"

Rockshade stiffened at Plumwillow's borderline hysteric demand. "Because it's true. I mean, Honeyflower won't claim that they're courting, but they watch the sunsets together nearly every night, and they go herb hunting together all the time. Stars, Swiftleap brings Honeyflower a mouse every morning before the dawn patrols even set out!"

"That's so sweet of him," Ebonyclaw said pointedly to Rockshade, as Plumwillow's world tilted on its axis and sent her rolling. She stared at Rockshade and searched his face for any hint that he was pulling her tail, but Rockshade was a terrible liar, just like Frecklewish-

"Did I say Honeyflower and Swiftleap? Sorry, I meant Petalnose and Swiftleap!"

Stomach aching, Plumwillow was suddenly so relieved that she had declined to share Honeyflower's mouse that morning; the one that she noticed Honeyflower never fetched for herself.

Fallowfern laid her tail across her daughter's back, and Pullwillow let herself be pulled close into the embrace. Her mind was racing like a hare across an open field. "Why don't you let us finish the patrol while you talk to Honeyflower?" Fallowfern murmured. "I'm sure this is just a terrible misunderstanding."

"Yeah," Plumwillow slowly agreed, stepping away from her Clanmates. "I'll- I'll go do that."

She tried to remember if Honeyflower had told her about her plans that day. Hunting patrol, but then what? No apprentices. It's her turn to take care of Tangle today.

Plumwillow stumbled off without much of a goodbye to her Clanmates. As she sprinted back to camp, she heard Rockshade's words on the wind, "I thought we all knew that Plumwillow just had an apprentice crush on Swiftleap?"

By the time the elders' den, population: Tangle, finally came into view Plumwillow was panting for breath. She got her second wind when she spotted another figure beside Tangle, and eagerly climbed up the slope.

"Honeyflower! I need to talk to-" Plumwillow froze. "Sandytail, what are you doing here?"

Sandytail spit out a tuft of fur. "Picking fleas, what's it look like I'm doing?" he replied, glum.

"Picking fleas, more like ripping out all of my fur!" Tangle snapped. "Where's that Honeyflower youngin?"

"That's what I want to know," Plumwillow added, staring at Sandytail.

The tom huffed and explained, "Honeyflower forced me to trade shifts with her today so that she could have some alone time with Swiftleap."

A feather could have knocked Plumwillow off the side of the cliff. "What ?"

Immediately, the fear that gripped Plumwillow was reflected in Sandytail's eyes. "Uh, Plumwillow, I just remembered that I wasn't supposed to tell you that! Please don't say anything to Honeyflower, she keeps threatening to tell Shrewtooth that StarClan placed some sort of curse on me and that's why I'm always in the medicine den, but I swear, I'm just accident-prone!"

"That's how she forced you to take her shift?" Tangle demanded. "Have you got cotton in your head, son?"

"You don't understand," Sandytail huffed. "Shrewtooth has been telling Leafstar that she needs to exile me from the territory before my "bad luck" spreads to everyone else. If he starts to think that I'm actually cursed -"

"Sandytail!" Plumwillow snarled, cutting off his rambling. "Where did Honeyflower say she was going for this alone time ?"

To his credit, Sandytail tried to gather his nerve as he puffed out his chest and said, "I'm sorry, Plumwillow, but I can't tell you that."

Plumwillow narrowed her eyes. "Sandytail, if you don't tell me right now, then I'm going to tell Bouncefire that you're the one who's been putting dead frogs in his nest."

" What ?! But Plumwillow, Bouncefire already tells everyone that I'm just his 'lame little brother', if you tell him that then he'll make sure I lose all of my popularity points-'

"Then tell me where Honeyflower went," Plumwillow interrupted him, firmly.

Tangle made a sound that almost sounded like laughter. "Well son, what will it be? Are ya cursed, or are ya lame?"

Sandytail deflated with a heavy sigh.

Never underestimate the power of popularity points was a lesson that Plumwillow learned after moons of watching Creekfeather and Swiftleap. Those toms would ride over the waterfall if it meant cats thought they were cool. She never had the heart to tell them that Birdflight was probably the coolest cat in camp and she didn't even keep track of her points.

Maybe I'll tell Swiftleap that when I find him, Plumwillow thought bitterly. I don't even care if he's not with Honeyflower - because he's not - it'll be payback for that time he forgot to plan our date.

Maybe it was the lull of the stream that soothed her, but the longer she followed it through the forest, the more convinced she became that Rockshade was just messing with her earlier. She and Swiftleap had been friends before they ever started courting, and Honeyflower had been her best friend for as long as she could remember, practically her sister; those were the last two cats who would ever want to hurt her. She just needed to hear those words from Honeyflower to put her paranoia at ease, and then Plumwillow's world would realign.

I swear, if Sandytail was lying to me, I'll make sure Bouncefire thinks he's the lamest cat in the entire forest! Plumwillow thought viciously, as she approached the edge of the territory. She had been following the dumb stream all evening without so much as a-

"Quit, that tickles!"

"It's not my fault that you're ticklish everywhere! Hold still, I'm almost done."

Plumwillow froze. Suddenly it became difficult to breathe. It was too late to turn around and embrace ignorance, too late to pretend that those were unfamiliar voices; they were right in front of her, just past a sprouting honeysuckle bush.

Honeyflower lay on her side as Swiftleap hovered above her, more focused than Plumwillow had ever seen him, and all he was doing was threading those same honeysuckles through her fur.

"Do you feel like you're one with nature right now?" Swiftleap asked as he continued to thread. "I mean, you're basically named after honeysuckle bushes-"

"That's like asking Sparrowpelt if he feels weird whenever he eats a sparrow," Honeyflower giggled, doing her best to remain still. In the back of her mind, Plumwillow admitted it was a fair question.

Swiftleap paused. "I've never thought about that before. Do you think-"

Suddenly a squirrel dashed across Plumwillow paws and she yelped in surprise. Honeyflower and Swiftleap shot to their paws at the same exact time, their eyes widening as they fell on her.

"Plum!" Honeyflower squeaked, honeysuckles dangling from her fur. "What- what are you doing all the way out here?"

Plumwillow swallowed. "I was just following the stream. What, um, what are you two doing out here? Besides turning Honeyflower into a bush, I mean."

Honeyflower and Swiftleap exchanged glances with each other. Plumwillow couldn't really blame them. She was confused too. Confused by what these two cats, her two favorite cats in the entire forest, were doing with each other. Confused by why Honeyflower had lied to her about taking care of Tangle that morning. Confused by how she was able to sound so calm when she felt like- like-

Like nothing, really. Weird.

They still hadn't answered her question. The silence just dragged on and Plumwillow imagined it must have felt very awkward to Honeyflower and Swiftleap. They were just staring at her, and then at each other, and then back at her again.

Finally, Honeyflower took a step towards Plumwillow and said, "I was helping Swiftleap plan a date for you, Plum. You know, to make up for that one he forgot? He wanted to surprise you."

"Is that so?" Plumwillow asked, looking at Swiftleap now. She begged him to lie to her.

Swiftleap inhaled a steadying breath, and then said, "No, it's not." Plumwillow's heart lurched.

"Swiftleap," Honeyflower hissed. "What about Creekfeather-"

"I'm tired of having to hide the truth," Swiftleap shot back. "Creekfeather will just have to deal with it. Plumwillow, I'm sorry you have to find out like this, but Honeyflower and I are mates."

The ground beneath her felt like it was shivering, or maybe that was just her. Plumwillow couldn't be sure of anything right at that moment. She felt like was plunged underwater, a kit all over again, and the river stole her voice as she cried for Waspwhisker. She felt a sharp coldness, despite the new-leaf sun. Numb, just… numb.

Honeyflower was talking but her voice sounded far away, past the surface. "-sorry, we wanted to tell you, but we didn't know how to-"

Swiftleap was staring at her, eyes bluer than the sky; she had always loved his eyes, and maybe he apologized to her, but he didn't look regretful. Embarrassed at being caught, sure, but he still pressed close to Honeyflower.

Plumwillow abruptly turned around and started back to camp. She refused to look behind her even as Honeyflower called after her, she refused to look up from the stream. Water as blue as the sky, as Swiftleap's eyes, it had always been her favorite color-

She started sprinting back to camp.

Plumwillow didn't want anyone to see her when she was hysterical so it was just really, really bad luck that she ran into her parents and Rabbitleap just outside of camp.

"Chin up, Rabbitleap, that would have been a difficult catch for anyone, even Mintfur-"

"Plumwillow!" Fallowfern exclaimed when she noticed her, and Plumwillow wished the ground would open up and swallow her. "Plumwillow, what's wrong?!"

"Nothing," Plumwillow said fiercely, fighting back a round of sobs. "I just ate a bad mouse, I'm going to see Echosong now."

"Do you want us to come with you?" Waspwhisker offered, trotting towards her. "We're done for the day, anyway."

"No, it's fine, I promise I'm fine, I just want to be left alone right now-"

"Did you ever find Honeyflower?" Fallowfern asked, and the question felt like a kick to the gut.

"N-no, I mean," Plumwillow stammered. "I mean, I just, just, just leave me alone!"

She shoved past Waspwhisker into camp, sprinting dangerously fast along the cliffside but she didn't care, she didn't care about anything except finding Frecklewish. So it was a sign that her luck was turning around when she nearly collided with Frecklewish and Tinycloud by the medicine den.

"Whoa!" Frecklewish cried, sidestepping just in time. "Plumwillow, what in stars name-"

"Sorry," Plumwillow gasped for breath. "I just, I need to talk to you, Freckle, and you can stay too, Tinycloud. You will not believe what I- what I just-"

"Calm down," Tinycloud ordered, taking on the same tone she would use when Plumwillow was still an apprentice, and automatically Plumwillow found herself obeying. "Take a deep breath, Plumwillow. Stars, you look like you've jumped from tree to tree all the way back to camp!"

"Close enough," Plumwillow huffed. She sucked in a steadying breath and fought for her composure. She met Frecklewish's eye and then started. "A few days ago you told me that Swiftleap and Honeyflower brought you lavender, but then you corrected yourself and said it was Swiftleap and Petalnose… that was a lie, wasn't it?"

Frecklewish looked like a squirrel, hunted to the end of a limb with nowhere to run. Ashamed, she hung her head and sighed, "You caught me. I'm sorry, Plum, but she asked me to not say anything to you."

"It's okay!" Plumwillow said quickly, moving to brush up against her friend. "You only did what she asked you to, you couldn't have known…" Plumwillow trailed off with a sigh. As long as she kept her composure, then she could get through this without falling back into hysterics.

"Rockshade… Rockshade said something weird on patrol today, and when I went to confront Honeyflower about it, she wasn't where she told me she would be, so I had to pry the truth out of Sandytail, and then I found her, but she wasn't alone. She was with- with Swiftleap." Stars, this is difficult. "They told me that they're mates. They have been for, for StarClan only knows how long." Her voice started to quiver, but she had to stay strong. This was just as much of a shock to her friends as it was to her-

"Almost a whole moon."

Slowly, Plumwillow turned to look at Tinycloud. "How- how do you know that?"

"Because they told us," Tinycloud replied, and stars, her mentor had never looked so guilty before. "About a half-moon ago. They asked us to not say anything to you until they did."

This is a prank, Plumwillow thought. But when she turned to face Frecklewish again her stomach dropped; Frecklewish was still staring at her paws, literally unable to look at Plumwillow.

"You mean, you've known about this; you both have known about this!" Her voice rose with every word but Plumwillow couldn't be bothered to care, not even as her Clanmates started to stare at her. "For almost a half-moon, and neither of you ever cared to tell me!"

"They asked us not to!" Frecklewish spoke up, finally raising her head. "And they're our friends too, Plum, how were we supposed to pick a side?"

"So you chose to lie to me instead?!" Plumwillow voice broke. The lump was back in her throat, choking her, strangling her, stopping her from getting another vicious word out. Frecklewish and Tinycloud stared at her, wide-eyed and guilty. Tinycloud took a step towards her but Plumwillow took a step back.

"No," she managed to grumble. "You both… you all lied to me. I don't want your pity comfort; give it to Honeyflower instead."

When Plumwillow turned her back on her friends she suddenly realized just how many of her Clanmates heard their confrontation; over half the Clan was just looking at her. Plumwillow swallowed; they started turning their heads from her, whispering to each other. Waspwhisker and Fallowfern stared up at her from the bottom of the gorge, pitying.

Plumwillow lowered her gaze to the ground and refused to meet anybody's eye as she hurried into the warriors' den.

There were a hundred other places Plumwillow wished she would have chosen to hide instead of in the warriors' den; all she could do to occupy her thoughts was to watch as the shadows across the floor grew longer, gradually reaching for the back of the den. She thought about slipping out but there was no way that she could go unnoticed, and Plumwillow really, really didn't want to be the subject of her Clanmates' stares again. Like, ever again.

"You think she's finished crying yet? I want my nest!"

"I don't know, I can't hear anything with you two bickering over my shoulder!"

"One of us should go in and check on her…"

Plumwillow groaned to herself; should've risked the stares when I still had the chance.

"Great idea, Creekfeather. Go check on her."

"Wait, why me? Nettlesplash just said that he wants his nest anyway!"

"Because Nettlesplash lacks empathy, sympathy, and compassion for anyone except himself. And because I said so."

"Excuse you?! First of all, it's bold of you to assume that I have those things even for myself-"

"You know what, I would rather deal with Plumwillow than deal with another one of your arguments."

Creekfeather stepped into sight, and for some reason, he seemed surprised that she was already staring at him.

"Hey."

"Good choice," Plumwillow said, nodding in the direction of Nettlesplash and Rabbitleap's newest argument. "I am finished crying, by the way."

Creekfeather cringed. "You heard all that?"

"What, like the three of you are even capable of being quiet?"

"Fair. Scoot over." Plumwillow obliged, and Creekfeaher squeezed into her nest. "Wow, you really need a bigger nest."

"Why?" Plumwillow was still watching the shadows. "It's not like I'll ever be sharing it with someone."

"That's not true. Just because it won't be with Swiftleap doesn't mean that it won't be with anybody, ever."

But I don't want anybody else. Even in her own head she thought she sounded petulant, like a kit, but she didn't care. It was true. She had never wanted anybody other than Swiftleap. He was her first love, her only love, there could never be another. But Creekfeather was so handsome that he caught everyone's eye and so charming that he kept their eye, and above all else, he was a tom; there wasn't a point in wasting her breath trying to make him understand.

"I guess you have a point. Maybe someday there will be someone else."

"That's the spirit!" Creekfeather nosed her shoulder. "But you're allowed to be upset about it, until then."

Plumwillow closed her eyes and sighed. "Thanks, Creek. And for whatever it's worth, I'm sorry that they lied to you too."

Silence stretched on like shadows. Her chest started to tighten and she opened her eyes, dreading the guilt that would be written all over her brother's face-

Creekfeather smiled a surprisingly gentle smile at her, and said, "You would apologize to me for that, wouldn't you? Don't worry about me right now. I'm not the one who got their heart broken."

Plumwillow tried to return his smile, but hers was all wobbly and sad. She buried her face in his fur and cried softly, but for once out of relief; no matter what her friends did, of course she could always rely on her brothers to be honest with her.

She didn't know how long they stayed like that, but at some point Rabbitleap joined them, settling down on the floor beside her nest. Then Nettlesplash, in a great show of support, moved his nest as close as he could without actually touching anybody.

Plumwillow expected someone to make a joke about how Nettlesplash was practically cuddling with them, but nobody did. They just lay around her, quiet for one of the first times that Plumwillow could remember. The thought that they were able to do so in support of her was enough to finally soothe her to sleep.

Something startled Plumwillow awake. It was dark outside but there was a weight on her neck and on her spine; Creekfeather and Rabbitleap, she realized. Slowly, carefully so as not to disturb them, she slithered out from underneath them. They hardly noticed.

Nettlesplash caught her eye then, glowing in a sliver of moonlight. He was curled up in his own little ball, not quite touching anybody, but Plumwillow knew he was still closer than he usually liked. The sight of her littermates together, quiet and peaceful for once, was enough to elicit a small smile from her.

But then her gaze was drawn to another nest; Swiftleap's, but Honeyflower was sharing it too. They hadn't even bothered to make it bigger, they just squeezed in together so tightly that their pelts blended together and in the dark, underneath the half-moon, Plumwillow couldn't tell who was who. She stared at them for a long time but no matter how she squinted, she couldn't tell.

"Plumwillow?" Her name sounded blurry on Fallowfern's tongue. Her mother was gazing at her from across the den, wrapped around her father. "Is everything okay, Plum?"

Plumwillow's gaze was pulled back to Swiftleap's nest. "I don't know."

Fallowfern eased herself up, careful not to disturb Waspwhisker. "Come on, let's talk outside."

Plumwillow didn't really want to talk, but she wasn't going to be able to just fall back asleep. She let her mother gently guide her out of the den and onto the cliffside; Plumwillow shivered as the moon-high breeze wrapped around her.

"It's chilly," Fallowfern said, stating the obvious. "I bet you were much warmer with your brothers laying all over you."

"Stars, suffocatingly so. I bet that's why I woke up."

"Your father and I shared a giggle when we saw you four; you haven't slept like that since you were in the Nursery."

"I know. It was sweet of them."

The forest below them stretched out as far as she could see, only broken up by Sunset Rock and the stream. The moon cast its silver glow, even though it was only half full. Silverpelt was on full display with not even a cloud in the sky to hide the stars.

"Sure is a pretty night," Fallowfern remarked. Plumwillow hummed her agreement, even though it didn't strike her as pretty, or ugly, or anything really. She didn't feel anything, really. Maybe I can get it all off my chest, now.

"Swiftleap and Honeyflower are mates."

"So I heard." Fallowfern wrapped her tail around Plumwillow, and Plumwillow let herself lean against her mother. "I'm sorry that they didn't tell you sooner, Plum. How do you feel about it now? Are you okay?"

Plumwillow thought about it; she thought about how her eyes were heavy but dry, and she wasn't fighting the urge to cry anymore. The sting was gone from her eyes, from her heart, from her feelings. She could think about what happened earlier and feel indifferent toward it all.

"You know what... yeah," she said, a little incredulously. "I know it sounds crazy but I guess I'm over it now."

No, you're not.

"Really?" Fallowfern sounded surprised, but Plumwillow didn't look at her face; she stared across the landscape below, still trying to judge it.

"I mean, I was so upset about it all earlier, but I really feel okay now. Is that normal?"

No, it's not normal. You loved him, and her, and them.

Fallowfern didn't respond so Plumwillow looked at her, finally. "I'm okay now," she said softly, looking her mother in the eye. And then it hit her: the sudden, hot welling of tears, the lump in her throat, the insufferable weight of a heart heavy with grief. She crumpled in on herself and thank StarClan that Fallowfern saw it, she rushed forward to catch her.

Plumwillow sobbed into her mother's chest as every memory that she used to treasure, used to hold close to her heart, now ripped her to shreds; climbing with Swiftleap, just the two of them, and he would gaze at her and ask, Have I ever told you what a lucky tom I am? And she would think it was because of her because he was lucky to love and be loved by her, but he never actually said that. She just assumed that he felt that way because that was how felt about him.

And she thought about Honeyflower, about being apprentices and staying up all night long sharing secrets with each other and giggling until someone snapped at them. She thought about hunting, climbing, gossiping, and thinking, This is what it feels like to have a sister.

And Tinycloud and Frecklewish, oh stars, now all of those memories were poisoned too! Going over moves with Tinycloud and teasing her about Sparrowpelt and when they would have kits and if she could mentor one of them; thinking that Frecklewish always looked sorta lonely and setting out to befriend her because she hated when cats looked lonely. Every good and happy memory, moons and moons of them, now a shard through her heart.

Fallowfern was hushing her, running her tail down Plumwillow's spine as she sobbed. "Oh, Plumwillow," Fallowfern whispered, moved to tears herself. "I'm so sorry, Plum. I should have stopped you from going into camp, I should have pulled you aside and talked to you then."

"They lied to me, all of them!" Plumwillow gasped, the words cutting her. "They all knew that I was in love with Swiftleap and they still never told me, and he didn't tell me, they all just let me moon over him like an idiot! While my best friend was in love with him! They all knew how much I loved him and none of them ever told me the truth!"

There was nothing to do except cry her heart out as Fallowfern tried to comfort her and in the den just a few lengths away, Swiftleap and Honeyflower slept on, free to be together and in love.

alternate title: in which Katie gets her token flashback chapter.

Find me on Tumblr under the same user for chapter trivia and other content! Cross posted to ao3 if you prefer the format.