When Sarah was left alone in the rooms she shared with Scott, she fell onto the couch with a distressed whimper. The past hour had been the most embarrassing hour of her life. Much worse than that time when she was twelve and her mother had explained why she was suddenly bleeding down there. But at the same time, she had to admit it had been rather soothing for her frazzled nerves. There had been many, many pictures of angaran males and human females but she couldn't help but worry about how none of them had been of the one she was supposed to marry. She wondered about him. What did he look like? The width of his shoulders, the slope of his hips. How would he react when she touched the parts Avela had told her were erogenous? Would he welcome her touch or shun away. It was the not knowing that really bothered her; it meant that her anxious brain kept coming up with possibilities until it felt like it was about to explode and melt out of her ears. And what would he think of her? She didn't look like an angaran female, well she had breasts and- she hardly dared even think of what lay between her legs. It had always been something that was just there, but not to be bothered with. But Jaal was going to-

Goodness. Jaal. Lexi had explained about how he would enter her and how if she was tense it could be painful, and that she must try to relax and let Jaal touch her, and to touch him. Avela had added that the angarans didn't count a marriage as completed until they had joined together… so Jaal was going to put his… his cock in her. How exactly was she supposed to relax, knowing that? Let him please you Lexi had said soothingly. But Sarah didn't feel particularly soothed. She'd never really bothered with sex; it was something people did, but she wasn't interested. Show him how to touch you, Avela had told her. He will be curious and a bit unsure, like you. And that was all fine and dandy, except for one thing. Sarah didn't know how she wanted Jaal to touch her.

She glanced at the flexi lying on the table in front of her, curious but reluctant. It was the one Avela had given her, the one with the pictures of angaran males. There had been exactly one picture of Jaal, but only of his face and he had been dressed. Sarah wondered if he was considered handsome. He had a big mouth, anyways. Well, big compared to hers. She didn't know if it was big for an angaran. How would it be to kiss a mouth like that? His eyes were impossibly dark, like they only consisted of pupils, and he didn't have any hair anywhere. Maybe she ought to shave, so she'd be smooth like an angaran? But she was scared of shaving down there - what if she cut herself? And she couldn't imagine asking any of the other women on board to help her.

After a few moments of hesitation, she picked up the flexi and turned it on. After a few moments of searching, she found the one that had the male whose genitalia was fully unsheathed and hard. Sarah felt a shiver through her body to pool warm and heavy between her legs as she tried to imagine Jaal like that as he stood in front of her. He'd put his hands on her body, she knew that, and wondered what they'd feel like. If his hands were big, like his mouth and his eyes. It scared her a little, but mostly she was curious. Was his hands soft, like Lexi's, or calloused, like Scott's? How would they feel when they touched her skin?

In only two days, she was going to find out.

It was easier to focus on his appearance; if she kept thinking about that, and about how he was going to have sex with her, she didn't have to think about all the other things it entailed to be married. Like how it was for ever. Like how she was expected to have a baby. Or several. She'd tried to ask, but no one would tell her how many babies she was supposed to have.

What was life supposed to be like, now? She was going to be someone's wife, and eventually a mother. She was going to live amongst a people different from her own, and she wondered if it'd make her feel even more like a freak than she already did.

Sarah had always been strange; different, confused, insecure, oblivious. But she'd had Scottie, and her mother, and it had been alright. But on Aya she was going to have nobody. No one who understood without her having to explain everything. And everyone was going to be watching. She was going to be the only human woman on an entire planet. All alone, with only Jaal as her friend. And what if he didn't like her? Scott had told her that Jaal was a good man, and kind, but- what if he thought she was weird? Or if she hurt him, without knowing she had. Would he tell her? And what did he expect of her, apart from sex? Who did he want her to be. She didn't know. Didn't know anything. She tried to force the fear away, looking at the pictures Avela had given her.

It didn't help. All alone in Scottie's quarters, Sarah curled up, making herself as small as possible, and cried.

Avela finished writing her message and sent it, hoping she hadn't made too much of a mess in explaining how human females were built. She'd included a few pictures Lexi had helped her find in her database, but apparently it wasn't very good pictures. But it was all she had; this way, Jaal would not be completely unprepared for his bride.

She had made sure to include the very odd custom of human females to bleed from their privates every twenty-eight days, something no angaran female did. She had also added a note that during the bleeding Sarah would be moody and sensitive and that he ought to be careful with her.

She added Lexi's short text on human female anatomy in an appendix, signed her name and sent it off to Jaal, hoping he would take the time to read it thoroughly. In less than two days, he was going to marry Sarah.

Avela leaned back in her chair, thinking. She had already decided not to tell Jaal about Scott being in love with him; it would only lead to unnecessary heartache. The pathfinder was a good man, and she felt confident that he would not do anything to endanger his sister's wedding. She just needed to make sure he didn't get intoxicated; she'd learnt that humans did stupid things when under the influence of alcoholic beverages.

Satisfied with her decision, she turned her thoughts back to Sarah. She like the human woman, who had proven to be intelligent and sweet. Avela hoped she would do well on Aya. The panic attack earlier in the day had alarmed the angaran, but she wasn't sure how to tell Jaal about it. Perhaps it was best if she did not; it would be easier to explain to him in person, she figured.

Then again, perhaps it was better to warn him? If he was faced with a Sarah having a meltdown without knowing it could happen or how to deal with it he might think his mate was somehow defective.

But she knew very little of this condition, and no one on the ship seemed to know much either. Apart from the pathfinder, but he seemed to be rather ignorant too; to him, Sarah was Sarah and there was nothing strange about her. Avela hoped Jaal would find it in him to be patient with Sarah, because she was going to need that more than anything. Patience, and a friend.

So maybe she ought to tell Jaal what she knew, so that he would know a little before meeting her. So that he'd understand how special Sarah was, how different from both angaran and human females.

She mulled it over for several minutes. Then she opened a new mail and started writing.

Jaal,

You need to be aware that your mate suffers

from a human condition called 'autism'.

It is non-contagious to angaran and she will

most likely not pass it to your kits.

However, it requires much from you;

you are going to have to be very, very patient with her.

This is what I have learnt about the condition so far…

Scott stood by the email terminal and tried to not look like his entire world had just been thrown off kilter. He had been rather rattled when Sarah found out about Jaal, but now it was definitely in free fall.

Reyes had emailed him. It shouldn't have been such an occasion, except it was. Somehow the man had managed to get himself invited to Sarah's wedding as the representative of the Milky Way Kadaran settlement and was journeying there along with a group of angarans that were apparently also invited. We can… catch up, he'd written. That meant Gil and Reyes at the same party with access to alcohol. He was so screwed, and not in the good way. It was going to be a disaster.

"How many people are going to be there?" he muttered as he turned off the terminal and turned to climb into his galaxy view piedestal. He liked to stand there and stare out at space; it never failed to remind how how small he was, and therefore his problems were.

"From what I've heard" Suvi replied cheerily, "anyone who is anyone is going to be there to see the Milky Way Peace Bride. It's going to be quite a party."

"I hope someone invited the kett" Scott groaned, "I'm going to need a good fight."

"Or fuck" Suvi chirped, sticking her tongue out at him.

"Careful, Anwar. I am not completely opposed to the idea of locating a nice uninhabited planet, send you on a mission and forget to retrieve you." But he couldn't keep himself from smiling.