Chapter 1: Merry Christmas Uncle Erik
It was Christmas Eve, about two years back, and the people in the streets of New York were singing.
An old fashioned Christmas,
With snow falling hard.
On scenery looking like,
A pretty Christmas Card.
Inside, Kurt, the personal aid of Erik Lehnsherr, was talking with Erik's clerk, Scott Summers, while the music was going on.
An old fashioned angel,
On top of a tree.
And candlelight shining down,
On friends surrounding me.
Kurt did a little dance as Scott smiled when Erik burst in. Scott was a tall lean man with sunglasses hiding his brown eyes with brown hair.
"Summers!" Erik called out as the blue furred aid stopped, and Scott stood at attention. "A pretty way to be wasting my time. 'An old fashioned Christmas.' You'll be an old fashioned pauper if you don't attend to your work."
"You wouldn't discharge me, sir." Scott said nervously. "Not on Christmas Eve."
"Oh, wouldn't I?" Erik asked when a lump of coal fell out of Scott's jacket pocket. "What's this? Stealing my coal, are we?"
"For the stove, sir." Scott said meekly. "It's so damp and chilly in here."
Scott had to sneak the coal in lump by lump when Erik's back was turned; luckily, he was never severely punished for it, especially since the office was actually a little refreshing in the summers.
"Next thing, you'll be picking my pockets." Erik said with a sneer.
"Oh look, sir." Scott said as he saw a figure in a white button up shirt and black vest pass the window. "Your nephew David is coming to pay you a visit."
"What's that fool want?" Erik asked just as David popped in.
"I like him, sir." Scott said. "His smile warms my heart."
David was a young man with blonde hair like and brown eyes like his mother.
"Merry Christmas, Uncle Erik!" David called out.
"Humbug!" Erik called back dismissively.
"Oh, be merry, Uncle Erik." David persisted.
"Ha-ha-ha." Erik said in a lackluster way.
What's so merry on Christmas Day?
The merry money you throw away?
The merry bills you have to pay?
When you say 'Merry Christmas',
I say bah!
Scott shrugged at Kurt, neither of them really knew why Erik was so cold and unfeeling.
"Here's a present, Uncle Erik." David said as he handed a box to Erik.
"Humbug!" Erik called out as he opened the present to reveal, as he suspected, a tie.
I think you are a fool to waste your cash.
What's the present you always buy?
A handkerchief or an awful tie.
Look at this tie, and you'll know why,
When I get Christmas presents,
I say trash!
Erik tossed the tie away as it ends up wrapped around Scott's neck.
"It's you." Kurt said encouragingly.
"But everything at Christmas is so jolly and lively." David continued. "The Christmas trees and wreaths of holly."
"Poison ivy." Erik scoffed.
"The girls and boys who dream about St. Nicholas." David went on.
"St. Nicholas?" Erik asked. "Ridiculous."
"Don't you like him, Uncle Erik?" David asked.
"Humbug!" Erik called out.
'Good old, Nicholas.'
That's a lot of slosh!
I abominate old St. Nick.
His reckless spending makes me sick.
I think St. Nick's a lunatic.
When you say 'Old St. Nicholas',
I say bosh!
"Oh, don't be so cross, Uncle." David insisted. "Come, dine with us tomorrow."
"Christmas dinner?" Erik scoffed. "What a revolting, repugnant institution."
"Oh don't you like a juicy Christmas turkey?" David asked.
"Detest it." Erik argued.
"Plum pudding with a brandy sauce?" David went on.
"Can't digest it." Erik said airily.
"You'll get a mellow feeling for humanity." David went on.
"'Humanity?' Insanity!" Erik called out again.
At this, Scott had to hold Kurt back at Scott's pure ire for life.
"You'll enjoy it, Uncle Erik." David assured him.
"Humbug!" Erik said once more.
It may be fun for you, but not for me.
I'm not happy on Christmas Day.
I'm never cheerful. I'm never gay.
If you think I could feel that way,
Then you are just as stupid as can be.
Erik then backed Kurt back to the door.
If you think I'd be merry,
And chirp like a canary,
Then you are even dumber than a dumb bug!
When you say 'Merry Christmas',
I say fiddlesticks! Poppycock!
And just plain humbug! Humbug!
Humbug, humbug, HUMBUG!
"I pity you, Uncle." David said calmly. "Maybe I'll never be as rich as you, but I'll go to my grave still believing in a merry Christmas."
"Good afternoon." Erik said as he opened the door for David.
"A wonderful Christmas!" David went on.
"Good afternoon!" Erik said a bit more forcefully.
"A magnificent Christmas!" David finished.
"GOOD AFTERNOON!" Erik shouted as he kicked David out of the house.
()()()()()
David picked himself up, brushed himself down and began walking, joining the carolers in song.
An old fashioned Christmas.
With snow falling hard.
On scenery looking like
A pretty Christmas card.
An old fashioned angel,
On top of a tree.
With candlelight dancing down
On friends surrounding me.
Man, that kid is a rock!