I've never felt more beautiful in my entire life.
It's not the makeup, or the hair, or even the beautiful white gown. It's certainly gorgeous with its lace in the pattern of leaves on my arms and bodice and its long, flowing white skirt, but it's not the reason I feel so incredible. I'm only minutes from marrying my soul mate — a man who loves me with his entire being. I've dreamed of this day for so long and prayed I'd see it. There were so many times that I believed I wouldn't, but here I am.
I'm alive, I'm healthy, and I'm carrying his child.
I feel beautiful because I am, and I am because of these things. Nothing, and I do mean nothing — not loss or cancer — can take this from me. I've been blessed with the most wonderful gifts in life, and though I went through hell to stand where I am right now, I wouldn't change anything.
"Bella, you look lovely."
I look in the mirror, seeing Carlisle in the doorway behind me. He smiles brightly and I know it's time. He should be standing beside his son, but he chose to stand in for the one man I wish could be here — the one thing I would change, if possible. He's the closest person I have to a father, and I'm honored he agreed to do this simple, yet monumental thing for me.
I twirl around, letting the heavy, warm skirt flow around my feet. "I feel lovely," I say with a smile. "It's actually time, isn't it? This is happening?"
He chuckles softly, reaching for my hand and clasping his around it. "Yes, my dear, this is happening. The guests are seated, the pastor is here, and your soon-to-be husband is eagerly awaiting you. Between you and me, though, if you wanted to run, I'd give you my keys. Edward can be such a pain in the ass sometimes, after all."
"I think it's a little late to run," I giggle, resting my free hand on my stomach. "Besides, only a fool would run from the second best man in the world."
"Second best, hmm?"
"After his father, of course." I smirk.
He tucks my arm under his, leading me out of the room. "I already consider you my daughter, sweetheart. The flattery is unnecessary, but greatly appreciated."
"Duly noted," I say with a soft sigh as the excitement courses through me.
We walk down the stairs carefully, heading toward the backyard. Alice is waiting for us on the patio and hands me the bouquet of flowers with a grin. Since it is Christmas Eve, it only seemed fitting to have red, silver, and gold as our colors, and the bouquet of red roses, tied together with gold and silver lace hits the mark perfectly.
"Don't trip," Alice says with a wink.
"Har-har," I laugh, rolling my eyes. "You're the one in stilettos."
I lift up my gown, showing off the white moccasins I didn't mention to her. They were Rose's idea, and a fucking awesome one at that — not very traditional, but perfect for me and plenty warm enough. Freezing my toes off or tripping down the aisle is not how I want this day to go. No one needs to work today.
"Cheater," she teases. "Ready to officially be a Cullen?"
I nod immediately, knowing there isn't a thing in the world that I want more than to be Edward's wife. "Let's do this shit."
Carlisle chuckles softly, clearing his throat. "Lead the way, Alice."
Before stepping off of the porch — the very one I was sitting on when Edward told me I was responding to treatment — she wraps her arms around me and wishes me good luck.
The Cullens property is massive and the wedding venue is just into the tree line. We can see the lights from the porch, but nothing else. They set up the reception tent right behind the house, but we wanted the forest setting for our actual venue. It's cold, but Carlisle helps me into the gray sweater that was made specially for my dress. We told our guests to dress warmly and we even had special blankets made for them, too.
It snowed last night, leaving the beautiful backyard glowing white winter wonderland. I couldn't have asked for a more magical setting, to be honest. It's beyond my wildest dreams and I'm once again reminded of how lucky I am. I went from being a dying orphan with cancer to having a loving, generous family and my health. As we walk toward the tree line, I look up and thank God for this beautiful life He's given me.
"Hey, Chatterbox," I say as Rosalie and Seth catch up to us. "Aren't you looking rather dapper."
"Sorry, he had to pee," Rose sighs, shaking her head. "I asked him about ten times before coming out here and he didn't have to, but the second we got outside, "Mommy, I gotta pee."
I laugh and lean down, hugging my favorite ring bearer. "At least you didn't go in your cute little tux, huh?"
He nods with an adorable grin. "I'm a big boy!"
"Yes, you are. Got the rings?"
"Yeah, no, I didn't trust them with him until now," Rose says, pulling them from her coat pocket. "Pillow, little man."
He lifts his hand with it and she ties them in place before making sure he'll hold it properly. I have no doubt my chatterbox has got this down pat. He knows his job well and he'll be the best damn ring bearer to ever walk down an aisle.
On cue, the music starts and Rose takes her son's hand. We didn't have any adorable little girls to do the job, so she's my flower girl . . . or woman, I suppose. She sprinkles the rose petals as they start the down the actual aisle, and Alice is close behind. Carlisle and I inch a little closer and I can see the guests in the back, but not my handsome fiancé. I'm tingling with excitement, inching closer and closer until I feel the tug of Carlisle's arm.
He smiles lightly. "Soon, sweetheart. My mother may have a heart attack if she sees you sprinting down the aisle, like I know you want to do."
I'm guilty as charged and sheepishly grin while waiting for my music to start. It gets to the point of tapping my foot before it's finally time. The string quartet changes their tune and I start walking before Carlisle has a chance to realize it's time. He gives me a knowing smile and speeds up his steps slightly for me.
The moment my eyes meet Edward's, everything else fades away. I know the wedding is beautiful and the forest is glowing with twinkling lights, but I see nothing but the man of my dreams. His smile widens into a grin as we inch closer and closer. He looks as happy as I feel, and though I've never had a single moment of doubt, his expression would have erased any if I did.
He loves me.
It's in his eyes and smile and the way his hand is already reaching out for mine as I get closer. He mouths the words, "I love you," and such a huge part of me just wants to start running. We're so close, though, and I know Nana Cullen is watching. I suppose I shouldn't piss her off now.
"Bella," Edward says with a wide grin, clasping his hand around mine tightly. "You look . . . there isn't enough time for all the words — gorgeous, beautiful, astounding, wonderful, lovely, and glowing are just a few. Thank you, Dad."
Carlisle smiles, letting my arm go before patting his son's shoulder. "I have no doubt that the two of you will make each other happier than words can express. Take care of her, son. She deserves only the best, and I know that's you."
"I promise I will," he says.
Stepping onto the raised altar, Edward takes my other hand as well, holding them both tightly. It's so incredibly hard to take my eyes off of him to look at the pastor, but I manage it, knowing what's to come. The older gentleman begins the ceremony and, to be honest, I barely hear the words he says.
I never thought it'd happen so quickly. I thought every moment would be etched in my mind, but each time I look in Edward's eyes, everything fades away once again. We wrote our own vows and Edward begins, surely hearing the pastor, unlike me.
"From the moment I laid my eyes on you, I loved you," he says. "I fought the feeling with everything I had, knowing it was wrong, knowing you weren't meant for me, and knowing I could never be the man you deserved. You act as if I did you a favor, sitting by your side while you were in the hospital and taking care of you in every way I knew how. But, my love, it's you who has given me the greatest gift of all. You've given me your precious time and your love.
"I know in my heart that I can never give you everything you've given me, but I promise to spend every single day of my life trying. I promise to cherish you, to care for you, to be by your side — through the good and bad — and to never take a moment with you for granted. We know better than anyone how precious time is and you have all of mine. I love you, Isabella Marie Swan. I love you with every fiber of my being."
I promised myself no tears, but I'm a fucking mess as he speaks from his heart. He's not reading off of a piece of paper. He's looking in my eyes and putting feelings that I cannot express into words — beautiful, lovely, perfect words. He's smiling as he wipes away my tears and the pastor tells me it's my turn.
Unlike him, I did need to write my words down. I pull the piece of paper from my pocket with trembling hands and clear my throat, trying to reign in my emotions.
I look at the notes I made before meeting his gaze once more. "I shouldn't be here today. I should be long gone, in fact. Two years ago, at this very house, you fulfilled every dying wish I had and then went beyond what I ever could have hoped for. Edward, you're the reason I'm standing here. You're the reason my heart beats. You saved my life, and then brought me to life — with every look, every touch, and every word.
"If I were to have dreamed up the most perfect life, it wouldn't come close to reality you've given me. I promise to love you, to cherish you, and to support you as you've done for me. I promise that a day won't go by without showing you my love. Thank you for this beautiful life, Edward Anthony Cullen. I love you with all of my heart and soul."
The pastor doesn't even get a chance to speak before Edward's lips are against mine. I hear laughter behind us, but I don't care. We've never been much for the usual, so I like that he couldn't wait. Hell, I've been ready to jump him since I first laid eyes on him. He's absolutely incredible looking in his tuxedo and easily the handsomest man in the world.
And now he's mine.
"Sorry," Edward whispers, chuckling as his fingertips graze my cheek. "You were saying?" he asks the pastor.
"I believe we have some, "I dos," to say and rings to exchange before you do that again, son," the pastor laughs softly. "Let's get to it."
After repeating after him and saying I do, we slip our rings onto each other's fingers and soon get to kiss again. He holds me tightly, dipping me backwards as our lips move together. The guests cheer, I think, though I'm rather preoccupied to know for sure.
"I love you, Bella," Edward says, grinning as tears gleam in his eyes. "Thank you."
I giggle, pecking his lips once more. "I love you too, Dr. Pretty Eyes."
The old nickname I once confessed to him brings more laughter before I'm suddenly swept over his shoulder. He carries me back down the aisle as our guests clap. Carlisle, Esme, Rose, Alice, Emmett, and even little Seth are cheering him on. It's the most magical feeling, knowing I'm now Mrs. Edward Cullen.
. . . . .
Our honeymoon takes us to the most magical places I'd only ever dreamed of seeing. We woke up in London on Christmas morning and explored a little more of England before visiting Paris in France. Edward plans our honeymoon using things I've told him over the years. We visit museums, historical sights, and even kiss at the top of the Eiffel Tower. It's magical and wonderful and more than I could have dreamed of seeing, but it's who I see it with that makes it so special.
My husband is careful and cautious, but he doesn't let his fear intrude on our plans. We spend a couple days lying around as I recoup my energy and morning sickness rears its ugly head a couple times, but it doesn't take away from our amazing honeymoon. He asks multiple times a day if I'm all right, but it doesn't annoy me. Edward asking if I'm okay is far from a new occurrence, after all.
The last leg of our trip takes us to the Caribbean to soak up the sun and just relax. St. Lucia is paradise and I've spent the last three days on our villa's patio, in the pool, and in the bed. It's been marvelous, to say the least.
"Did you know the uterus grows almost five-hundred times its normal size during pregnancy?" I ask, eyes wide as I look ever at Edward from my book.
"Yes, I did," he says, adjusting his sunglasses and turning his head toward me. "From the size of a peach to a watermelon. You're getting freaked out, aren't you?"
He has that knowing smirk as I huff and shut the pregnancy book. He told me not to read it yet, knowing the minor details no one mentions lie inside. I'm going to poop . . . in front of my husband, my doctor, a bunch of nurses, and probably my mother-in-law. Supposedly I won't care, what with having a baby at the end of it, but it still freaks me out. Also, I may start lactating later on by just being around a baby. Like, sudden boob milk, bam! I'll be a pooping, milking, and peeing mess. Yeah, pee. I'll probably piss myself at some point, too.
Pregnancy sounds like so much fun.
"It'll be fine, Bella," he says, sitting up and nudging closer to me on the oversized lounge chair. "None of the freaky pregnancy stuff will matter in a few months. We'll have freaky baby stuff to worry about then."
"The book said I might get acne again." I pout. "I don't want to look like an awkward teenager. Will you still love me, even if I'm all pimply?"
He chuckles, pecking my lips softly. "All the pimples in the world couldn't change my love for you, beautiful. You'll be gorgeous no matter what. In fact, I'm rather looking forward to seeing you waddle like a penguin. I think you'll be cute."
He tries to kiss my jaw and neck, but I push him away playfully. "I'm not going to waddle, asshole."
"You might, but again, so fucking cute. You're already the most beautiful woman in the world, so obviously the pregnancy will just make you more so. Don't stress over how your body will change, and especially not over how I'll feel about it. I can assure you that I'm quite looking forward to watching our baby grow, and I'm already in awe of your strength and body for making this possible."
I smirk slightly and sigh. "Okay, but you'll rub coconut butter on my belly and paint my toenails for me when I can't reach anymore?"
"Happily." He grins. "They may turn out horrible and you'll have to ask Rose or Alice to redo them, but I'll give it my best shot. Anything for you."
"I knew I married you for a reason," I say, pushing myself up and over his lap.
I cup his cheeks in my hands and kiss him deeply. This is our last full day of our honeymoon, so we might as well enjoy it. And from the thing poking me in the ass, I know he has the same idea.
"Bed?" I ask, breaking the kiss.
He grips my hips as he sits up and I wrap my legs around him. "Oh, hell yes," he says, standing up wasting no time in taking us through the patio doors and into our room. He doesn't even pull the damn curtain closed, but it's not like it really matters — private beaches have lovely perks like solitude, after all.
He unties the four knots holding my bikini together in record time and his mouth leaves a trail of kisses as he works his way down my body. My body jolts as his tongue swirls over my clit and I hold the sheets tightly in my hands, spreading my legs even more for him. I swear his tongue is magical. Or maybe he's just really good at this. Like, really good.
He knows just how to move his tongue so that I'm in heaven. It's all he needs to do to get me screaming and I don't even bother holding back. I'm fucking breathless by the time he lays a kiss on my stomach before moving back up my body. He knows I need a minute, but I can see ideas swirling around in his head. It's in his eyes as he meets my gaze.
"Good girl," he says, kissing me. "I love hearing you scream my name."
"I love that thing your tongue does," I giggle softly.
"My tongue is nothing compared to yours, sweet girl," he teases. "But let's see how you feel about that thing my fingers do."
"I'm pretty sure I love those too, but you know, might as well double check."
"We've got all day and night to double, triple, and quite possibly quadruple check." He smirks before laying another kiss on my lips and working his way back down between my legs.
. . . . .
Aside from needing a little extra rest and having some issues with keeping everything I ate down, I couldn't say a single day of our honeymoon was anything less than perfect. Except today. Today can go fuck itself.
"You can't fly this sick, Bella," Edward says, rubbing my back as I hover over the toilet. It's just like old times, except my comfy chemo knee pillow is at home and I'm kneeling on hard tile in the villa's bathroom.
"I'm okay," I say, reaching for the water bottle.
I feel everything but okay, actually. Edward made us a late night snack around two in the morning and I've been sick as a dog since then. He's fine, so I'm sure it's just the pregnancy, but it's now eight and we have a plane to catch. The fact that I can't get off the floor may put a kink in that plan, though.
"I'm sure you will be, but I'm not putting you on a plane until I know you are," he says. "I'll call the property manager and see if we can extend our stay another day and rebook our flight for tomorrow."
I shake my head, wanting to go home today. I've loved every minute of our trip, but I'm ready to see our family and to sleep in our own bed. I miss my home and right now I just want to be there — not sitting on this hard floor.
"Maybe just rebook for later today?" I ask. "It'll ease up soon and I'll be able to keep something down. I just need that and a nap, and I'll be fine. I'm ready to go home."
"I'll see what I can do." He kisses my forehead before standing up. "I'm going to make some calls, but I'll be right back. Try the crackers again soon, please?"
I nod, though my stomach churns at the thought. I've been through hell with chemo and this shouldn't even phase me, but it is and I don't know why. I've had so much worse — vomiting to the point of passing out and even throwing up blood. Morning sickness cannot possibly be that bad, but I feel like I've been hit by a train and I just want to crawl under the covers and wait for this to pass.
"Mommy's going to need you to ease up on her," I whisper, looking down at my stomach as I rub my hand over it. "You can do whatever you want to me once we get home, but please, Momma needs a break, sweet thing."
I know this isn't actually the baby's fault and it's not like asking will change anything, but I do it anyway. Somehow, talking is making me feel just a little bit better. It's a lot nicer to talk to my child inside of me than cancerous lungs. I pleaded with those, too — mostly cursed at them, actually.
"There's going to come a time when we want all the food in the world and I promise we're gonna eat it. You're going to be the happiest little unborn baby in the world then, but for now I just need you to do this one thing for Mommy. Let me eat a freaking cracker. Please?"
I timidly reach for a saltine on the counter and sit my water bottle next to me on the floor. I break it in quarters and slowly chew one piece at a time. The first bite goes down easily enough.
"So far so good," I say, giving my soon-to-be bump a caress. "We've got this shit."
I form my hand into a fist, softly bumping it against my stomach before hearing Edward's chuckle. I look up, narrowing my eyes. "We're having a moment," I say.
"Clearly. You just fist-bumped our baby." He smirks. "How's it going?"
"A quarter of a cracker down. Woo!"
He sits back down next to me and rubs my back. "You've totally got this shit."
I manage the whole cracker and some water and then wait a few minutes to have another. Both stay down miraculously. Edward's booked us for a later flight and cleared another day in the villa — just in case — so once I'm sure my stomach is settled, we crawl into the bed for a nap. He wraps me tightly in his arms, holding me against his chest as I bury my face in the calm of his heart beat. The exhaustion wins out almost immediately and I fall into a deep sleep beside him.
. . . . .
I feel almost normal when I wake up, but Edward makes me test the waters before we actually leave. After keeping half a bowl of chicken noodle soup down, he's satisfied enough to let me fly. It's a long way home — a ten hour trip and a stop in Miami — but we get into Chicago around midnight and Carlisle is waiting for us at baggage claim. Though I woke up well-rested, I'm anything but that now and Edward's arm around me is the only thing keeping me upright.
"Welcome home, sweetheart," Carlisle says, taking Edward's place and embracing me. "I see you managed to get a little sun. You're absolutely glowing."
"You're a horrible liar," I scoff. "I'm dead on my feet, but blissfully happy. And yep, I managed to tan and not burn as red as a lobster."
"See? Glowing and not a lie," he chuckles. "You do look exhausted, though, so hopefully your bags come out quickly and we can get you home."
"I'm sorry you had to come out this late."
He waves me off, shaking his head. "No need to apologize. I'm just glad you were able to make it home today. It's not been that bad the entire trip, has it?"
"No, no, not at all. I've been mostly fine until this morning. Honestly, the baby's been pretty easy on me, but we had a little discussion about today's funny business."
"I'm sure you put it straight. Let's go sit down until Edward gets the bags, okay?"
I nod, loving that idea. He guides me over to a chair and we talk about the honeymoon and what all we did as we wait for Edward to pull all of our bags off of the belt. Carlisle resumes his position of keeping me off the ground and we finally leave the airport just before one. I'm asleep before the car even starts and when I wake up, it's because Edward is sliding his arm under my legs to get me out.
"Thank you, Dad," he says as I barely open my eyes and see our beautiful home. "I'll call you in the morning and let Mom know if Bella's up for lunch."
"Take care, son," Carlisle says.
"Thank you," I whisper and yawn, looking into the car as Edward lifts me out. "Love you."
"I love you too, Bella, and I'm so glad that you're officially my daughter. Go take care of my grandbaby by getting some rest, okay? Sleep well."
"You too," I mumble, waving as Edward pushes the door closed with his foot.
Instead of going in through the garage like normal, he carries me up the front steps to our open front door. He stops before crossing the threshold and presses his lips to mine.
"Ready for the next chapter of our lives, Mrs. Cullen?" he asks with an adorably handsome grin.
"Lead the way, hubby," I giggle, tilting my chin to kiss him once more as I hide a yawn.
Yes, I'm more than ready for the next chapter. I'm going to enjoy and savor every moment of it, in fact, starting with right now as he crosses into our home. He may have done this when we first moved in, but I like this time even more. You can never go wrong with having a handsome doctor carry you, after all, and it's even better when he's your husband.