"Bella love, please."
Through the haze I hear his voice calling my name and it takes all the strength I have just to open my eyes. A wave of nausea hits me, making me groan as I make out Edward's face above mine. I'm on something soft and look around, realizing I'm in the living room on the couch.
"Edward," I mumble softly as he sighs in relief and caresses my cheek.
"Thank God," he says. "How do you feeling?"
I scrunch my nose, closing my eyes as I shake my head. "Really not okay," I admit before a cough explodes from deep within my chest and he helps me sit up. It seems like an eternity before it settles and I can actually take a breath in, but I can't seem to catch it.
"It would take an ambulance just as long to get here and take you to the ER as it would for me to drive," he says, suddenly sliding his arms under my legs and around my back. I start to protest, but his expression stops me in my tracks.
He's scared.
I've only seen that expression a handful of times and each was during a terrifying moment in our lives — like me almost dying on a few occasions. As much as I hate the idea of the emergency room, I know it's for the best.
"I love you," I say as he walks with me to the garage door, grabbing his wallet and keys from the table by the door.
"I love you too, sweet girl. It's going to be okay." He presses a kiss to my temple in an attempt to soothe me before opening the door and walking around his car.
He almost sounds convincing, but that expression speaks way louder.
He doesn't drive fast or crazy to get to the hospital. Between calling Carlisle and group texting Garrett and Kate at red lights, he drives carefully and even holds my hand, trying over and over to make that, "it's going to be okay," a little more believable. I can see the wheels turning in his head, probably going through diagnoses and complications, ruling out things and convincing himself this isn't as serious as it seems. His face relaxes a little by the time we get to the ER and even more so when someone steps forward with a wheelchair from the ambulance entrance when we come to a stop.
Edward quickly gets out, running around to my side and opening the door. The woman comes closer, introducing herself as Tara as Edward helps me out, barely letting my feet touch the ground as he settles me in the wheelchair.
"Is my father down here yet?" Edward asks, pushing me in as the woman directs us.
"He should be soon," she says. "We're going to trauma two. He told us to be prepared."
I look back, noticing a slight curl in Edward's lips. I guess it does pay to know important people. "Good. Thank you, Tara. Who's here?"
"Dr. Grant is coming in," she says, rolling me into an oddly terrifying room that looks much more like an operating room. "I'm going to put you on the monitor, take your vitals, and start an IV, Mrs. Cullen. I'm going to need you to change as well." She says it sadly and holds up the unflattering blue gown.
Edward helps me onto the gurney, doing most of the clothes changing, and then she starts her bit of torture. I'm properly wired up once she's done and get a lovely bag of fluids I'm sure I need just as the doctor comes in. She and Edward relay information before he orders tests and speaks to Edward, not so much me.
"I want an x-ray to confirm, but I'm sure it's pneumonia so we'll start her on antibiotics and run lab tests," he says.
"No x-ray," I say, making him actually look at me for the first time. "I'm obviously, you know, twenty-five weeks pregnant."
"The benefit outweighs—"
"No, it doesn't," I interrupt, narrowing my eyes. "To look for my cancer returning it does, but not for something you already know. Something you decided before even talking to me or examining me."
"The cough and your oxygen sats could be sign of cancer, so we can call it that," he says, almost smugly.
I think about using a slew of curse words and wish I had the strength to reach out and punch him, but Edward goes first and ends it before I can.
"Get the fuck out," he says, pointing toward the door just as Carlisle enters it. "You're not going to terrify my wife into a test. How dare you use cancer to scare her into it instead of explaining why you think it's for the best. Do you do that to all of your patients?"
"What's going on here?" Carlisle asks. "Dr. Grant, are you leaving?"
"Sir, your daughter-in-law needs a chest x-ray to confirm pneumonia and she's refusing. I understand she's pregnant, but if she hasn't been undergoing regular screening, for all we know she could have a recurrence."
Carlisle cock his head, creasing his brow "Did you ask her if she's had regular screenings?"
"No, but as she pointed out, she's preg—"
"Yes, and it's high risk. Her obstetrician and oncologist will be here shortly, so they'll decide what's best. An x-ray won't change course of treatment as of right now, so Bella can decide what she wants to do. In the meantime, I think you can leave the room. I'll take over."
The middle aged man is absolutely pissed and I love it. He stalks out of the room and if it could, smoke would be fuming out of his ears. Carlisle shakes his head, walking the rest of the way into the room and pulling his stethoscope from his pocket. "I apologize, Bella," he says. "How are you feeling?"
One flick of my eyes tells him all he needs, so he starts listening to my chest, instructing me to breathe. I'm pretty sure he can't legally treat me, but I kind of prefer it — especially to Dr. Douchebag. Just like Edward, he's so gentle and just all around calming. Once he finishes listening to my back, I sink against the bed and somewhat relax as he moves on to my heart.
"It's not really cancer again, is it?" I ask.
Edward scoffs. "No! He was just being a dick. You just had scans a few weeks ago. You're absolutely cancer free. Dad, would you agree it's pneumonia?"
"Yes," he says. "Don't worry, sweetheart. We're going to take care of you, I promise."
I nod, trying to plaster a fake smile. I'm sure he doesn't buy it, but he leans down and kisses the top of my head anyway. After looking over my vitals again, he orders lab tests, medicines, and even tethers me to a nasal cannula.
"I do think if something changes we should consider an x-ray," he says once all is settled down and Tara does everything he asks. "Right now I'm comfortable treating you with antibiotics, but we'll see what Garrett and Kate say, okay?"
"Yeah, sounds good," I say. "How long do you think I'll be here?"
He and Edward share a look before he says, "I'm afraid it may be a few days. Your lungs need to clear up, which will help your oxygen sats. Hopefully with the right dosage and type of antibiotics we can treat you quickly, but we'll have a better idea of what we're dealing with once we identify the bacteria."
"Days?" I actually pout as I realize I already miss my bed. If I hadn't gotten up and had soup downstairs, maybe none of this would be happening. Obviously the lesson is stay in bed forever.
He pats my hand, smiling as he pulls the stool over with his foot and sits down. "It'll be just fine, dear. Also, Esme is stopping by your house and packing a bag for you. Is there anything in particular you want?"
I rattle off a few books and my laptop, but I highly doubt I'll have the energy to use them anytime soon. I just feel so drained and want to sleep. Tara gave me something for the nausea and it helped, but I think it's making me drowsy.
. . . . .
It feels like I only drift off for a minute, but by the time I wake up, Garrett is in the room and somehow Edward and Carlisle have coffee. I wipe my eyes, sitting up a little as I yawn. Sadly, the simple yawn turns into a terrible coughing fit and I'm left gasping for air.
"Slowly, Bella," Edward says, rubbing my back. "Here, take a sip of water."
I manage to calm my breathing between sips of water. The tickle settles, but the ache in my chest feels worse. I hate this so damn much. Rubbing my stomach, I clear my throat and apologize.
"No need," Garrett says, smiling. "I'm only wanted to check in on you before my next surgery. I take it that cough explains how you feel?"
I nod. "Yep, pretty much."
"I'm sorry. Do you mind if I take a listen?" He holds up his stethoscope and I nod, feeling rather use to this by now. Edward, Carlisle, Garrett . . . I'm sure Kate and a few others will have a chance, too.
"Go ahead," I sigh.
He makes it quick and after converging with Edward and Carlisle, they decide my lungs sound craptastic, but only like pneumonia and not cancer-y. So, that's a bit of a relief.
"I'll come check on you before I leave tonight," he says, just as Kate enters. He turns his head, grinning as she walks over to me. "Well, hello. Fancy meeting you here."
She smirks, quirking her brow. "Shut up, Garrett."
They're totally hooking up. According to Garrett, who told Edward, it might get serious, but right now it's on the downlow. As odd as it is, I like that my cancerness brought them together. They spoke on the phone several times, ran into each other at the hospital, and one thing led to another.
"Take care, Bella," Garrett says. "Edward, Dr. Cullen."
He leaves, brushing past her and I think I notice a hint of a blush. I do have to admit the man looks good in scrubs. Not as good as Edward, but . . . handsome. Good for her.
"How are you feeling, Bella?" she asks.
"Worried about my little one, to be honest."
She nods and pulls out an instrument from her pocket to listen to my baby girl's heartbeat. Once the whoosh fills the air, I relax a little more and thank God. She says everything looks good, but promises she'll be upstairs later and do an ultrasound once I'm settled.
"Should I have an x-ray?" I ask.
"I know you're worried about that, but I can understand why the doctors might need it. I think at this point your daughter will be safe if they're cautious. It's really not much radiation. I mean, you've undergone much more before this. If it's for the best, I would say it should be fine."
I still don't feel bad about flipping out on Dr. Douchebag. He should have talked to me. I trust Kate, though, so if she feels it's safe, I'll do it. But I still don't have to like it. "If it comes to it, then," I say. "Does she need to be monitored?"
She nods. "To be on the safe side we can. Would that make you feel better?"
"Oddly enough yes," I laugh halfheartedly. "I just want to be sure she's okay. You know, since I'm so ill I need to be here for a few days."
I just really want to be able to ask Edward or Carlisle if she's okay and for them to tell me right away — to be on the safe side. She agrees and promises she'll order it once I'm transferred. Before she leaves, Tara comes back in to say it won't be too much longer. I'm kind of thankful because I want to sleep, but it's not like it'll be much calmer upstairs.
"Where am I going?" I ask.
"You're running a constant fever over one-oh-one, you need high-dose IV antibiotics, oxygen, and to be monitored, so I'm afraid that means the ICU."
"Of course it does," I sigh, closing my eyes.
. . . . .
The second I'm settled upstairs and all is calm, I manage to close my eyes and drift off between being disturbed by nurses — I have two of them, which sounds fun but is just doubly annoying when you're trying to sleep.
Esme arrives during one of my naps and once I wake up for good, I'm so thankful because she's brought clean clothes. Edward and Carlisle leave while she helps me clean up. I manage to get myself in the fresh bottoms and enjoy the sweatpants covering my cold legs. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to wear them, but I don't care. I finish it off with warm, fuzzy socks and smile contentedly.
"Thank you so, so much," I rasp, finding it harder to speak since waking up. The cough is getting to my throat, I guess. I just hope I don't lose my voice.
Esme smiles, waving her hand. "It was nothing. I didn't want to invade your personal space, so I just picked up a couple things. I did grab your toiletries."
I rummage through the bag, finding a new hair-tie and pull my hair up, sliding a headband in place to hold my bangs. I also have hand sanitizer in here, thankfully, and all kinds of lotions — even coconut butter. It's the little things that count.
"I feel so much better, Esme." I smile. "I love you."
"I love you too, sweetheart." She almost grins and embraces me gently, careful of the wires. "Just let me know if there's anything else I can do for you."
I shake my head and try to find a comfortable spot in the hospital bed — there isn't one. "You've done more than enough," I say. "I appreciate it so much. I just want to feel better and go home; although I'll probably be watched just as closely." I smile a little, noticing Edward's body just outside of the door to the right. "I bet he refuses to walk away any more than that."
Esme laughs, nodding in agreement. "It's a good thing he can shower here because he's certainly not leaving you long enough to go home and do it. He's just worried sick about you, sweetheart."
"I know, which is pretty terrifying," I sigh, speaking softly. "He tells me not to worry until he's worried and now he is, so I can't help but think something terrible could happen — and with my luck it will."
She shakes her head and takes my hand, giving it a tight squeeze. "He's not thinking like a doctor right now, honey. He loves you and your little girl so much and right now he's just a husband and father. If anything his medical knowledge only makes this harder on him."
"I'm sure it does; every complication and outcome is playing out in his head."
"Does Carlisle seem worried?"
"Does he ever?" I ask, cocking my brow as she smiles.
"True, but he adores you and thinks of you as a daughter. If anything were to rattle that calm exterior of his, it would be you and our granddaughter. He would tell you if something was wrong, I promise."
I know that, but it's still hard not to think so negatively. I'm always waiting for something to take my happiness away. The last few years of my life have been . . . honestly, it feels like a fairytale. To go from having nothing and no one — not even your health — to being part of a loving family, marrying the most incredible man in the world, and having his child, is a little hard to wrap my head around sometimes. Maybe it is all a lovely dream, but that means it could just as easily turn into a nightmare.
"I would, Bella." I look up to see Carlisle and Edward coming back in. He hands a cup to his wife and then sits down on the edge of my bed while Edward takes a seat in the chair beside me. "We all know how serious pneumonia is, so we're taking every precaution we can. No matter what happens, I will always be honest with you and I'll do everything in my power to take care of both of you."
I smile, moving my hand over the top of my bump. "I know you will. She's kicking."
Before Edward or Esme can dive at my stomach, I take Carlisle's hand and let him feel first. He instantly smiles brightly as he feels the movement. "Hello there, sweetpea. She's still just as active?"
I nod as he drops his hand and lets Esme take her turn. "She seems normal. She looks good, right?"
"Of course, even Kate said so. Right now we're mostly just worried about you, dear."
"And that's so much different than usual," I laugh dryly. "I'm so sorry for putting you all through this."
"There's no reason to apologize," Edward says, taking his turn and resting his hand against my bump as my little girl keeps on kicking up a storm. "All we want you to do is rest and feel better. This isn't your fault, so don't start blaming yourself. If anything, I probably brought this home to you. Blame me."
I narrow my eyes. "No! It's not your—"
"Exactly," he says, smiling. "It's no one's fault, so no one needs to be sorry. We're going to get you better and then everything will return to normal. You can keep buying baby clothes."
"We were going to do the nursery," I sigh.
"We'll do it later. We still have plenty of time," he assures me, leaning in to press his lips to mine. "I love you."
"I love you too, handsome." I kiss him this time, hoping he's right.
. . . . .
The fact that Edward wants me to rest is hilarious because my night nurses, whom I've dubbed the Doublemint Twins thanks to their green attire, won't let me close my eyes for more than fifteen minutes. They're so nice and I feel bad for hating them and those mint scrubs, but I really do. I want to pull their identical ponytails every time they disturb me.
Doublemint Bitches.
"I need to get some more blood," Cora says, smiling so nicely as she pulls on gloves. "How are you feeling?"
Like I want to punch you. "Same."
She nods and messes with my IV before filling the tube. She's trying to be so gentle, so I can't even complain that she's not good at her job. She's awesome at it — just too awesome when double. Megan is just as lovely, so it sucks to hate them.
"I know you hate us," she says, shaking the tube. "I'm sorry, but hopefully this is the last thing I need to wake you up for. We'll try to be quiet, Bella. I know the hospital isn't the best place to sleep."
"Well, it isn't a hotel, so I can't be too mad," I say, hating myself for being understanding. "I promise one of these two will start yelling if something goes wrong, if that helps."
"I probably would," Edward admits, laughing softly.
"I know you're in excellent hands," she says. "We'll try to let you get some sleep, okay? Just press the button if you need me."
"I will. Thank you so much."
She smiles, heading toward the door. "You're welcome."
Once she leaves I lift my head some, looking at the time and realizing how tired everyone else looks, too. I know Edward won't leave and I don't want him to, but Carlisle and Esme need to sleep in their own bed, not hospital recliners in an ICU room. Besides, they're technically breaking the rules by being here at ten-thirty at night.
"Why don't you guys go home?" I ask, noticing the croak in my voice is even worse. "Edward will call if something happens and it seems like I'm in good hands."
"Yes, you are," Carlisle says. "Are you sure you don't want us to stay?"
"We don't mind," Esme adds. "But if you'd rather, we understand."
I smile, knowing they'd happily sleep in those chairs if I asked, but I would never do that. "Please, sleep in your own bed. I'd feel better knowing you were comfortable. And I'd like you to be well rested, Carlisle."
He nods. "Understandable. We'll go home, then. If you need anything at all or anything, no matter how small, comes up please call me. I'll come back as quickly as possible."
"I'll keep in touch, Dad," Edward says.
"I'd appreciate it. Ready, my love?" he asks, standing up and holding his out for his wife.
She smiles, taking it and standing on her toes to meet his lips. "Maybe I can bring you something to eat tomorrow. Does anything sound good?"
I scrunch my nose, shaking my head. "I'm have no appetite whatsoever."
"You have to eat at some point, sweet girl," Edward says. "She needs you to be strong for her and to do that, you have to eat. Maybe something light?"
"Is there anything lighter than soup?"
He smiles sadly and I promise to try whatever Esme brings. I'm quite sure it's going to go over about as well as it did this morning and the hospital's poor excuse for soup earlier.
. . . . .
Long after Esme and Carlisle leave and Edward's recliner is turned into a somewhat-respectable bed — thanks to multiple pillows and blankets from nurses — I find myself still struggling to sleep. Edward snores softly beside me and the machines all continue to beep softly. It's anything but quiet, but that doesn't bother me.
The elephant on my chest, though . . . He's a problem.
I see the number go down on the monitor every so often, dropping a little lower as the pressure increases. I don't want to call for a nurse and disturb Edward, but I think I could definitely use a little help. And thankfully, it soon arrives with Megan coming in quietly.
"Hey, are you having trouble breathing?" she whispers, pushing bottoms on the monitors and then reach for something behind me. I nod and almost beg her not to wake Edward. "I need to put a mask on you and I'm sorry, but I had to page the doctor, sweetie."
She rips open a bag, which of course wakes up Edward. He jolts upright as he takes in the mask she's holding and connecting to tubing. "What's wrong?"
"O2 sats are dropping rapidly," Megan says, putting the mask tightly around my face after removing the nasal cannula.
Edward springs into action, borrowing her stethoscope and making me sit up so he can listen to my lungs. I can't help but cough as the mask helps air into my lungs; at least, I hope that's why. Edward moves the chest-piece around, continuing to listen as I try to calm the tickle.
Handing the instrument back to Megan, he looks down at me and caresses my cheek. "We need an x-ray now, sweet girl. Please, tell me you understand?"
All I can do is nod as tears fill my eyes. He gives orders to Megan just as Dr. Harkins, the ICU doctor, rushes into the room with Cora. Thankfully he agrees with Edward's orders and listens to my chest as Megan arranges the portable x-ray.
My room lights are flipped on brightly as Dr. Harkins examines me and I beg my lungs not to be so fucking craptastic right now. Is my little girl going to be okay? She can't be born yet, so they have to fix this. I don't care what it takes.
"Edward," I mumble, reaching my hand out to get his attention. I grab his arm and keep pulling until he gets as close as possible. I know it'll piss everyone in the room off, but I pull the mask down in case I don't get the chance to tell him. "Take care . . . of h-her," I whisper. "Love her a-and remember m-me. T-tell her." I'm begging and he nods. "I-I love y-you."
He pulls the mask back up and keeps nodding. "I love you too, Bella. I'll take care of her. You don't need to worry, just breathe for us."
I do as he asks and lay back, praying this isn't it. I've been here before, but this . . . this time it feels different. I'm not just fighting for myself I have to keep my daughter alive. If my battle with cancer taught me nothing else, it showed me how strong I am and that I'm capable of surviving against the odds. I won't lose this battle, either — not with her life on the line.