Chapter Eleven

Turning Tables

It took Blair an entire weekend to recover and get the drugs out of her system.

Most of that time, she was sweating and shivering in her bed, fighting off the influence of the hallucinogen. It triggered nightmares, visions of decay and destruction. But hallucinations in the worst heights of fever seemed to be a blessing in disguise.

Past few months replayed in front of her eyes. Every moment lasted like a day and every day lasted like a moment. Blair was an invisible third party; observing conversations, stolen looks and secret whispers. Faces were always the same; her, Chuck, Nate, Serena. Familiarity was gone, she was looking at everything with brand new eyes.

Sometimes Mother's eyes would flash from the corner. Sometimes, she would hear her whispering All because of that boy? Is he worth of it?

Sometimes Jenny's sneers would echo the room. Other times, Georgina would scream until Blair's ears bled.

She saw herself as if watching a movie. But it wasn't a scenario, it was her life. Those were the choices she made, those were the words she had said.

Sometimes she would try to shake herself, sometimes she would scream; Get a grip. Sometimes, she would be too distracted by his eyes, his lips. In those moments, she forced herself to remember the sour taste of vomit in her mouth, burning of her throat and unbearable pain he planted in her chest without flinching.

In the end, when Mother's home remedies were winning over, she had a last dream. It was just that morning, when Chuck cruelly kicked her out of his home.

No more, she grit through her teeth as her heart shriveled at the scene. Her clear voice rang through the empty room.

No more.

It was Monday.

First day of classes after that fiasco in Tropic. Blair lowered down scratched Vogue glasses and got a good look at Constance University and it's pupils. Bunch of Kim Kardashian wannabes and mommy's sons. Stares and whispers that used to frighten her, now gave her strange new power. Her skin felt thicker.

Bring it on, she quietly said to herself. Do your worst.

She walked into class with her head high, no hurry to get to her seat.

''Blair,'' Penelope's eyes widened as she sat next to her. ''Are you okay?''

Blair carefully took out her notebooks and pencils, sparing her former friend no glance. It was just another vulture, hungry for scandal and spewing lies.

No mercy. No forgiveness.

''Say something,'' Penelope persisted in a whisper. After no reply, she looked at her doubtfully. ''It's not true, right?''

She cleared her throat and leaned in. ''Look, I have a friend who is getting treated for an addiction in Ostroff center. I can help you. I know some people.''

This caused a surge of giggles from Blair. The sound was anything but amused. It sent shivers down her friend's spine.

''Like I would need help from you,'' Blair said calmly, looking shocked Penelope straight in the eyes. ''Look at yourself. No friends, pinning after a guy who wouldn't look at you twice out of bedroom.''

Seeing Penelope's mortified face felt almost as if she was eating a chocolate. It was that good. She airily opened up her notebook and ignored the sound of retreating footsteps.

Blair focused all her energy on class. Her grades almost slipped because of those few misadventures with Trust Fund Babies (TFB), but she was now more determined than ever to be the best student of her generation. If she sank this low, she decided to aim high.

''I'm going downstairs to get a salad at DeLuca's,'' Penelope approached again as the class was dismissed.

Blair audibly sighed and rolled her eyes. ''I told you I don't want anything from you.''

''I just thought you didn't want to show up after that thing with - you know,'' Her friend offered with a tight-lipped smile

''If I don't show up now, I never will,'' thought Blair to herself.

Her eyes were determined, looking straight in the distance. After a moment, she breathed out and walked out of class, relishing in this strange mix of bitterness, power and loneliness. It felt good to rely on herself. It felt good not to need anyone.

It felt good to go rogue.

''Chuck still didn't recover from shock?'' Asked Paige while sipping her Starbucks. She burned her tongue and cursed.

The sun was bright, but the warmth didn't reach TFB. They huddled in their expensive fur coats, Burberry trench coats or cashmere shawls. It was big break before next period and they were all sitting together around the table on the grounds.

''What shock?'' Is answered while casually sexting guy from NYU. ''He was just fooling around. He must have known it. You can't hide anything from Chuck.''

''Bet they're still going out,'' She murmured as she received unflattering dick pick. A snort escaped her.

''Please,'' Serena raised her eyebrows. ''Everything has it's limits. Chuck has his.''

''Everyone chill out,'' One of the Nate's lacrosse team players said. ''He's not gonna be all depressed now because of some chick. Anyway, did you film the movie star that night, Nate?''

Nate scratched his head. Even though he enjoyed filming, he completely forgot the part where he has to review the role and finish the project. Just thinking about all that work made him tired.

Paige laughed out loud. ''No, he was filming a documentary, not a comedy!''

''To be honest, you guys make me sick.'' Nate said with a note of disgust, crossing his arms. He remembered his own father and his short-termed fling with some substances. Not a lot of people knew about it. Deep down, he sympathized with Blair, thinking he had a pretty good feeling what her family was going through right now. ''Do you know what you're joking with? Addiction is serious matter.''

He directed his eyes towards the lioness, leader of this crooked group. Her attitude changed drastically these past few weeks. He always loved her for being bright and easygoing, never arrogant or condescending. ''Your humor also changed, Miss Van Der Woodsen. This stuff isn't funny.''

She caught his eyes and slight blush spread across her cheeks.

''Not funny?'' His lacrosse friends asked disbelievingly, suddenly rising out of his seat. He was jumping up and down, throwing his hand in the air. He displayed a wild imitation of Blair's dance in Tropic few days ago. Everyone except Nate banged their palms on the table in rhythm.

''Go Blair! Go Blair!'' One of the girls laughed loudly.

Chuck seemed to come out of nowhere. He looked at the table in rage and then at Nate's friend. ''What are you doing you idiot?'' He spat, shoving him hard. Anthony fell back, knocking down the chair.

Everyone quieted down. After initial shock, Anthony scrambled up and Nate immediately rose to subdue Chuck, who seemed to want to charge again. ''Calm down, bro.''

''What are you doing?'' Lacrosse player snapped, pulling up his sleeve and looking like a raging bull.

''I'm about to kick your ass,'' Chuck shoved him again, avoiding Nate's grip.

''Chuck, let him go. C'mon, man!''

Finally, with some help, they managed to separate them. Chuck was breathing heavily, absolutely livid. Only then did he notice Blair watching from across the courtyard. They stared at each other and everything around them seemed to disappear. It felt as if world stopped for a moment.

Shaking the feeling off, he shrugged Nate's off and stormed away.

''Chuck,'' his best friend called after him, but he didn't even turn.

Blair didn't look at him twice. She cocked her head and sat on the table next to TFB group, looking straight at them, as if daring them.

''Look at her,'' Serena added to Nate. ''She sat there as if she's playing with us.''

''I'm sorry,'' he replied irritated, averting his eyes from Blair. Secretly, the girl and her Medusa glare were giving him heebie jeebies. ''But what you did earlier was stupid.''

''Please, if I were her, I would have transfered schools. I don't know what she's still doing here.''

''What is she supposed to do? Give up her scholarship? Move countries? Don't be ridiculous.''

''Oh,'' Serena said quietly, smiling at the idea that just popped up in her head. ''I forgot she was on scholarship.''

Blair was on her way to class when one of the professors stopped her.

''Blair, dean Queller requires your presence in her office. Immediately.''

She stood rooted to spot. Blair had never been summoned by any university body, until now. She was always let to quietly do her studies and go about her business on her own.

''Did something happen?''

''You should just go, everyone is already waiting for you.''

With that, he disappeared and left Blair feeling tremendous wave of shock and fear. Everyone was already waiting for her? Who was everyone? Why her? Professor's serious face didn't give any consolation. If anything, he would have assured her everything was okay. This was something serious, voice in her head said. She gathered her wits as well as she could and set towards the office. Blair's hands shook as she opened the doors.

''Blair,'' Dean Queller declared, her voice stern. ''Sit down, if you please.''

No politeness. No warmth.

To dean's side were secretary and other professor she didn't recognize. In front of them was an empty chair and Serena Van Der Woodsen, sitting head bent down. Blair shook as she sat down. Whatever they were watching on laptop before she got in went on without pausing. Blair recognized her own voice. In the midsts of screams, she recognized Serena's. It was as if someone's threw ice bucket over her head.

Dean turned laptop towards the students and Blair already knew what she would see. ''There.''

Someone uploaded the fight they had online and it all somehow ended up in Mrs Queller's mail.

''If this,'' She continued, ''Is true and not under influence of any editing media, then we have a serious problem here young ladies.''

''Believe me,'' Serena spoke apologetically. Blair was astounded to hear her speak so. She expected she would already jump at her throat. ''I'm absolutely ashamed of myself.''

Pause.

''The only one who should be ashamed is Blair,'' Dean Queller said loudly, crossing the fingers of her hands and looking with disapproval at her. Pause. Her voice sounded audibly softer now. ''Even though it was also very wrong of you, Serena, to participate in such terrible matters.''

She shut off the laptop and scribbled something down in her notebook. ''You'll both come here tomorrow morning to state your defense. That's all from us. Do you have anything to say?''

''I'm ashamed to be found in this situation, even by accident,'' Serena responded, her face full of regret. ''But you see plainly on that video that I'm the victim.''

Blair couldn't disagree there, no matter how much she resented her. In the video, it's obvious that Blair attacked her, multiple times. There was no way of showing the background story.

''I only have one favor to ask of you,'' Serena pleaded, her eyes closed. ''No matter the penalty of this, my parents must not know.''

Dean Queller nodded in small sympathy and reverted her eyes back to Blair. ''Do you have anything to say?''

No mercy. No forgiveness. None for her. None for anyone except TFB. She would endure whatever penalty or detention they shove in her hands.

''No,'' She responded curtly. Serena looked at her in shock.

''Interesting. You're in worse position than Miss Van Der Woodsen as it is. In this case, you could lose your scholarship.''

Blair was too shocked to speak. She didn't know they would go this far to take it away from her. If she lost the scholarship, she would lose any chance of education. She would have to give up school. Blair didn't even hear when they got dismissed, but she noticed the sound of doors as they closed after Serena. Blair awkwardly got up to get out. Just before she opened the doors, she heard familiar voices.

''Well,'' Spoke Nate with worried voice. ''What happened?''

''They want our defense tomorrow. I think Blair will lose her scholarship.''

''Scholarship?'' He sputtered quietly after the doors opened. Chuck was there, but it was as if he was determined not to divert his eyes from Serena. Blair walked out, pale and shaken. Without one look at them, she passed them and quietly walked away.

''As if she needs tuition or social aid,'' Said Serena loudly as she stared at her.

That night everyone was home for dinner. Dan and dad got back from village. They sold the land for price so small nobody even dare mention it. Blair was in such bad mood, she decided to skip dinner and offered mom to help with collecting trash. Jane gratefully took the offer, having done all cleaning work by herself that day.

''Mom's silken hands,'' She cooed as Jane's blistery hands gently stroked smooth skin of her daughter's palms. Blair felt it scratching at her insides. She looked at the difference with heavy heart. ''They won't be carrying trash anymore soon. Others will do it for you.''

Blair retreated her hand immediately, flushing with guilt and shame. The thought that she could be without scholarship tomorrow was ripping her apart. ''Mom...''

''Blair,'' Her mother smiled kindly. ''I know. You're in love.''

Blair gasped, looking at her in shock. Did she know? Did she know about Chuck?

''You have butterflies in your stomach. This house is getting too small for you, right?''

How was she supposed to say; Butterflies are dead, mom. They turned rotten and acid from their bodies is spreading over my bones?

''I hope you'll get out of this house,'' Jane said looking at the broken mirror hanging on the scraped wall, tiny bed and old frail carpet. ''I knew it from the day you were born.''

Every word her mother uttered was like another stone around her neck. Tomorrow, she would have to disappoint her. Tomorrow, she would have to kill her mom's hopes and dreams. What would she think of her golden daughter then? Would her mother still love her?

''Enough,'' she forcefully whispered, pulling away her hands that began to tremble. Dark thoughts swarmed in her head, buzzing and breeding and spawning their omen children. ''Please, mom. I've heard this story thousands of times already. The more you pamper me, the more pressure you put on me.''

''Oh, my darling. Don't talk like that. Why would mother's prayers pressure you?''

''Then pray silently.'' Blair insisted as she felt color drain from her own face, looking away. ''Pray so I don't hear it.''

After a long, menacing pause, she asked. ''What if your prayers don't come true?''

''God forbid!''

''What if your gold was actually just rust?'' Blair's voice shook and she clenched her fists behind her back. ''What if you daughter doesn't bring prosperity? What if she loses everything she has?''

Jane's eyes narrowed as she stood still, carefully scrutinizing her daughter. ''Those are strange words to say. What would you lose?''

After a moment of hesitation, Blair resolved not to crush her mother's dreams tonight. ''Never mind.''

''Look at me, Blair,'' Jane ordered, her stern voice laced with worry. ''Did you do something?''

''You always think I'm the one that did something!''

''What else would it be?'' Her mother persisted. After a short silence, Jane continued to look intensely at her daughter. ''At your age, everyone is shining like gold. There are people that want to destroy that shine. Only when you let them, you become rust. Do you understand me?''

While Blair was silently fuming and collecting trash from residents, Nate Archibald decided to take the advantage of energy those few Red Bulls gave him and to start on his media project. He dimmed all the lights in the apartment and played the role from his camera. First majority of his movie was Serena and long shots of her. Eating his chips, he smiled, admiring her radiant beauty.

Who was stupid enough not to fall in love with her?

In that moment, his phone rang.

''I'm looking at you right now,'' He teased, wiping crumbs away from his shirt.

''You're in Tropic?'' Serena's delighted voice could be heard on the other side, mixed with loud music. ''Why don't you come?''

''No, I'm not,'' He replied, wishing he was really there. ''I'm home, working on my media project. You're on the screen as we speak.''

''Come on, it's getting boring here. Not even Chuck is around. Bet he's at home crying for Blair's scholarship.''

''Come on Natie,'' she pleaded.

Nate defied any desires and urges that made him drop everything and jump on cab to see her.

''I think I'll just stay at home and finish this. It's going to be movie worthy of Oscar.''

''Okay, let me know tomorrow how it went and I'll let you know what good time I had! Good luck!''

She hung up. Nate leaned back on his couch and focused on his large LCD TV. He thoroughly enjoyed watching his work. There was plenty of clips of Serena and their friends. He did have to admit it felt weird to watch this as third non-participating sober party. Especially the parts involving Blair.

He watched her behavior increase in craziness. In the background of the scene, he noticed a well-known notorious figure - Carter. Nate paused and rewound back to make sure he saw correctly.

''What is he doing here?'' He whispered to himself, squinting at the screen. The guy was supposed to be at rehab. Instead, Carter was in deep conversation with Serena.

What did he have to say that Serena would even listen? She hated the guy.

''What are they doing?''

Finally, a missing piece of the puzzle he didn't know they were all forming that night. It was all there, on the flat screen. Carter. Drugs. Serena.

Absolutely furious and disappointed, Nate hastily got up and grabbed his jacket. He hailed a cab and started towards Tropic.

Blair didn't sleep that night. She kept rolling over her bed, imagining what her future would look like without school. Bleak. Pathetic. She would probably end up working with her mother. She would probably end up as cleaner to one or few of her classmates. By then, she would be too hungry and miserable to feel embarrassed.

Blair rose before dawn. She shivered for an hour in her cold little room. The pain was welcome for it distracted her from such gruesome thoughts. At the first light of the day, she dressed herself with care. Her outfit was completely black, already mourning her failed student life. She put on a brave face and went over the plan she developed over the time she sat wide awake. Did they think she would go down without a fight?

Not anymore.

The clock seemed to have sped up. Day devoured seconds, minutes, even hours. Blair barely blinked when she found herself in front of dean's office. She knocked, perhaps more forcefully than she should have.

''Good morning,'' Secretary opened. ''Please, sit.''

Serena was already inside with the dean, chatting and drinking coffee - as if they had been friends forever. Nobody offered Blair a drink.

''Finally,'' Dean set down her cup, and put on her glasses. Her smile dropped as soon as Blair approached. Just as she was about to speak, Serena suddenly stood up.

''It's all my fault,'' Serena stated, looking directly at Blair. ''That video doesn't show what really happened.''

''Are they still inside?'' Chuck arrived and asked Nate.

''Yeah,'' His friend replied, not looking him in the eyes. ''It's been 15 minutes already... Hey, listen, have you talked to Blair?''

Chuck grimaced at the mention of her name. ''We have nothing to talk about.''

''Maybe you have,'' Nate suggested with an awkward smile, trying to maneuver his way around the secret he swore to keep. ''You haven't even talked properly. I think maybe you should listen to her, now that you have cool head any everything.''

''You don't get it,'' Chuck snapped, his jaw clenching as he looked away. ''I can't forget that night or the stuff that she said to me the next day.''

Nate seemed to be having some issues with exhaling. His eyes seemed to dance upon a thought, trying to decide whether to say something or not. Finally, he exhaled, not even aware he was holding is breath. ''Chuck, listen...''

At that moment, doors of the office opened. Blair and Serena walked out together.

''Why did you do it?'' Blair asked immediately, suspicious and defensive. ''If you think you'll getting anything in return, you're wrong.''

Serena glanced at Nate, but said nothing. She simply bit her lip.

''What happened?'' Nate approached them, holding the eye contact.

''She took the fall,'' Blair explained, not believing the words that were coming out of her own mouth. She felt lighter and finally managed to think properly. ''Serena said somebody edited the video to hurt me.''

''I don't want anything in return. It's the truth.''

Blair looked at this girl that made her life miserable these past few weeks. Blair mustered up all the power for forgiveness she had, all good feeling she buried, and all good grace she flung aside.

''Thank you, Serena,'' Blair said honestly, feeling weight come off her chest. ''Otherwise I would have killed you. And I don't want to go to jail. I'm too young. And pretty.''

She went as far as to grace her with a half smile.

Serena beamed back at her. She caught Chuck's eyes for a second.

''You're going through some tough time, Blair. I just wanted to help you. No matter what happened between us, I actually like you. If there was anyone else on your spot, they wouldn't have survived. I think we're too alike. That's why we didn't get along very well. Maybe it's time for changes now.''

Chuck was looking around, searching for the secret cameras. Everything seemed so surreal. He tried to catch Nate's eyes but it seemed as if his friend was avoiding it.

''I'm glad everything worked out,'' Chuck said to Blair as she passed by him. She paused for a second, but didn't reply or look at him.

''See you around, B.!'' Serena called out at her retreating back.

''I didn't expect this much of you,'' Chuck finally said to Serena after she was gone. He seemed amazed, just like Nate did. ''I'm impressed.''

The duo waited until the last protagonist was gone, until Chuck walked away to class.

''Hats off. You really turned this into a show.''

''Hand it over,'' Serena's smile was now wider than ever. ''I did what you asked me to do, now please give me that stick.''

''I don't think so, Serena. This will do you good. As long as this video is with me, you'll behave and everything will be okay.''