Chapter Twelve
What She Came For
''What do you mean you don't have any birthday plans?'' Paige screeched, wobbling in her new Prada boots. She almost fell, but managed to hog a passing random student to steady herself. Walking away without saying thank you, she splattered some sanitizer on her palms. ''Last year, you knew a month beforehand all the details. Your maid did a great job.''
''It's not the same this time,'' Serena muttered, her mind distracted by a gloomy aspect. ''My maid quit last week. We'll see, but for now, I'm going to pick a dress today with mom.''
''Maybe Chuck will surprise you with a party at Tropic!'' Iz sighed gleefully.
Serena loved that place, but for once, maybe that's not what would satisfy her. Things were different. She felt the wind of change on her skin, skies changed color, faces blurred to nonrecognition.
''Hey, there's Nate!'' Paige exclaimed, stopping in the middle of the hall. She leaned on Iz and re-adjusted her heel.
Beaming, Iz waved at the guy. Serena's head snapped up. There he was; her secret-keeper. Nate was her blessing and her doom; her dark and light. Since he found out her terrible secret - sun and moon seemed to swap places.
Serena, his words echoed. What's happening with you? You're not yourself. I can't stand this Serena, she's not my friend.
Iz asked him with a wink ''What do you think we should do for Serena's birthday?''
''Girls, I'll see you later.'' Serena interrupted, smiling tightly at them. She wanted to have him for herself. These particular matters between them two were wrapped up in their bubble, put under a lock. It was a show within a show, a tornado within hurricane. ''I have to order a very special present from Mister Archibald.''
They laughed and left, whispering at change that occurred in their blond friend. She seemed very different, not as relaxed and easy-going as she used to be. They shrugged, thinking how she just probably needed to get laid.
''Yes, Nate,'' Serena remarked, approaching closer to him. She stretched out her palm, beckoning with her fingers. ''I want my birthday present now.''
Nate simply smiled at her. She blinked at his dimples, at the cute way his bangs fell in his eyes. ''It's still early. I didn't get you anything yet.''
She sighed tiredly, her lips thinning in frustration. She was about to say something when Nate beat her to it.
''Hey, Blair,'' Nate called out loudly to someone behind her shoulder, a name that had followed her every latest nightmare. Petite brunette approached them with measured step. He turned back to Serena, looking at her meaningfully. ''What is it that you wanted, Serena? An stick with a movie on it?''
Blair didn't miss a beat. ''Movie from that Friday night?'' Her eyes narrowed distrustfully. Serena looked color drain from her skin, feeling the wight of the guilt on her shoulders.
''Yeah, you should see it,'' He went on while looking intently at the blonde. ''It's a real master-piece.''
''I thought we were over with this charade,'' Blair snapped and everyone turned to look at her in surprise.
Serena breathed in, willing herself to ignore Nate. ''Don't worry about it, B. He's just making bad jokes.'' She put arm under her new friend and led her away. ''Let's go.''
They walked in sync, both trying to get used to the feeling of them being together alone. After many fights and schemes, much to surprise of both parties, it didn't feel so unnatural at all. ''So, Blair... How you've been?''
''What do you want me to say?'' Responded she, guarded and alert. Blair still didn't trust this girl, but she would give her a chance to prove herself. TFB member herself risked expulsion and therefore bought herself one paltry chance. ''It looks like this story won't be forgotten easily. Nobody will let it go.''
''Does it matter what everyone thinks about it?'' Serena remembered all the stories that followed her in high school. Some were true, some were very far off. She'd been through everything; drugs, pregnancies, abortions, murder, etc. At the end of every story, she had her two guardians ready to defy world with her.
''Of'course, everyone besides Chuck.'' She paused, looking sideways at her former enemy. How she used to hate her. How she used to hate her for stealing Chuck away from her. Away from Nate. Her guardians, her protectors. Her shield from world. A northern star that lit up sky.
Nate was now all she had left, but there was a danger of losing him too. Chuck sometimes seemed irrevocably lost, sometimes his old self. They were her best friends, they were keepers of her love. Her heart throbbed. ''I don't want to be nosy, but what is happening between you two?''
''Nothing.'' Blair assured her curtly. ''Nothing at all. What should be happening, anyway?''
''You're right,'' Serena nodded nonchalantly, searching for that feeling of satisfaction at the news. She grimaced, not being able to find it.
''Chuck doesn't trust me,'' Brunette added bitterly, as if she was holding it against him, voice laced with gloom. Her eyes seemed empty, her words venomous. ''That night in Tropic... This girl, the bitch, gave me pill for my headache. She told me it was an aspirin. Turned out to be LSD.''
Serena flipped her hair, a sick feeling in pits of stomach making her uncomfortable. She shifted her foot, trying to forget that night. She didn't want to hear her side of the story, she couldn't spare any more sympathy. She spent all compassion on herself and all the nights she spent drunk on nostalgia of old times. Nights of love and laughter. It had been always like that; Chuck, Nate and her. Nobody else. Until now.
''This world is going crazy'' Was all she could say. She couldn't look Blair in eyes, Nate's disappointed look kept flashing in her minds. Endless sound of ice in scotch ringing in her head. ''Do you want to go to therapy with me?''
''A therapy?'' Blair blanched, not sure if she was joking or mocking.
''Yeah,'' Serena smiled kindly. ''A shopping therapy.''
After some insisting and nudging, Blair finally accepted the invitation. They set together to Bendel's.
''You should get them,'' Serena encouraged as Blair eyed a pair of crimson heels with vivid admiration. Blair looked at them with wide eyes, holding the shoes as if they were made of glass. What was she doing here? At Bendel's? With Van Der Woodsen? She was supposed to be going to bank, running errands for people in her building. She had a load of cash in her bag right now, somebody else's money which needed to be delivered.
Yet here she was, playing shopping with Serena.
''I like you taste. Not anyone would wear those.''
Brunette stroked the velvet fabric distractedly, imagining herself wearing them. How she'd love to afford them one day. How she'd love to afford whole outfit and jewelry, not having to worry about the money. How she'd love to be called brave and beautiful. Serena called the assistant without giving any time for consideration. ''My friend wants to try these shoes.''
''Yes, Miss Van Der Woodsen - immediately.''
Blair was pleasantly surprised at the fact that the assistants knew Serena's name. Blonde didn't even seemed phased by it. She always imagined she'd do these things with Georgina, but relationship between them cooled off significantly. It was bound to happen, she thought. The difference between their status, life, expectations... There was no way to avoid it. Everyone contributed to it, also.
You can't blame everything on the stars. It was partly because Blair's schedule had been too busy due to college and Georgina resented it. Partly it was because she couldn't stand Georgina's unhealthy obsession with Chuck. Her patronizing degrading attitude towards Blair that has been escalating was like a cherry on top of that snob filth cake.
Blair came to Bendel's only once, long time ago, when she was sophomore in high school. She window shopped for months, not daring to enter the prestige set of stores. When she finally managed to gather courage and enter it, the adventure didn't last for long. She browsed fancy gowns, touching the expensive fabric, dreaming of the luxurious events and limos.
Sales assistant followed every move with grimace, not letting her out of sight. It wasn't flattering attention.
When more girls entered, Blair's peers from private Manhattan school, assistant came up to Blair with frustration in voice, ''Are you actually gonna buy anything or will you dirt up every dress with your fingers?''
Blair ran away, hiding her tears from giggles of well-dressed junior TFB. She avoided stores like this ever since - until Serena brought her here. Sales assistants were now attentive, kneeling in front of her and complimenting everything there is to compliment.
It felt good.
''You have got nice small feet, B.'' Said blonde as she requested another two pairs of different shoes for herself. ''Go on, take a walk Cinderella.''
Blair slipped her feet in snug six inch heels. The platform erased any feeling of pain or strain she'd feel while walking. Blair noticed difference between these brand new shoes that were comfortable and shiny, and between old Georgina's; already worn out by use.
She looked up and saw Serena admiring her. ''They really look good on you.''
Blair believed her, raising her head high. They did look great on her. Few ladies dressed in fur coats walked in the store and nodded appreciatively at the shoes.
After half an hour, she followed Serena to the cash register.
''I was supposed to go with mom, today. To look up dresses,'' Serena explained, grabbing her Louis Vuitton wallet from matching purse. ''I was supposed to buy shoes later, logically. But I can't resist shoes.''
Sales assistant came, carrying three black boxes in their hands. ''Miss Serena, are you buying three pairs?''
''Yes. Blair, why don't you come with me to meet with my mom? We're done with the shoes, all we have left is dress.''
Blair suppressed a sigh. This had all been like a scene from one of her dreams. But all dreams ended somewhere. She remembered her errand she promised mom she'd do. It was usually mom's job, but there wasn't anyone else available to do it. Father sprained his ankle that morning. They couldn't afford a doctor so he was to sit for few days at home. Mother was cleaning and Dan was off wandering somewhere like a rabid dog in search of his purpose of life. Blair resisted, not feeling comfortable carrying that much money around. For gods sake, they're living in new York and envelope contained thousands of dollars.
''No, I have to go. I have to stop by the bank.''
''That would be 2100 dollars, Miss Serena. Cash or credit?''
''Oh-uh, it's late, B.'' said Serena while casually handing the credit card to cashier. Blair blanched at the price, feeling a twinge of jealousy. ''Banks are already closed.''
''Really?'' Brunette moaned, rolling her eyes. ''Just great.''
''Yours are 400 dollars with a discount,'' Announced cashier to Blair.
''What?'' She bent her head towards them, absolutely shocked with the information. ''No, I just-''
''Oh, don't tell me you're not going to take them!'' Serena persisted, looking livid in return. Blair remembered her look of admiration; she savored it, treasured it. A TFB was looking at her like she was one of her friends. They spent day in peace, even fun. Blair didn't want it to end. ''You can't miss this chance. Plus, they're on a discount!''
After a moment of awkward silence, Serena leaned in towards Blair. ''Do you need help with money?'' She whispered delicately.
Blair shook her head, lifting it up high. If she was going to keep with this facade, she'd do it properly. Help? No, thanks. She could manage a pair of shoes on a discount. Who cares anyway, she'd return it immediately.
''Cash or credit?''
''Cash,'' She airily said, snatching four hundred dollar bills from the envelope. Cashier's eyes locked on the bills and it all produced the effect Blair was dying for. Awe. It tasted like finest wine, and Blair grew drunk on it.
After Blair said goodbye to Serena, refusing offer to ride home together, she ran back to the store before it closed.
''Hi,'' She hurriedly put the bag on the desk, pushing it away. ''I'd like to return this.''
''You just bought them, right? Is everything okay?''
''Actually yes,'' She lied, pursing her lips. ''I just changed my mind, I don't like them anymore.''
''You're right,'' Cashier nodded, opening the box. She didn't seemed perturbed by this, as if this scenario often happened in store like this. Blair couldn't care less, all she wanted was the money back. ''If you want, I can show you same ones in different color.''
''I don't want other shoes.''
''You want your money back?''
Yes, you inept idiot, she wanted to scream.
''I'll summon our manager. Shoes on discount can only be exchanged for other item.''
''But-''
''Blair! How are you?'' Paige came from behind, carelessly throwing her own bags on the counter.
Great, just what situation needs. Another idiot.
''Let's see what you bought,'' She sang, invading her personal space and opening up shoe box. ''Wow, they're very nice. Very brave of you.''
Suddenly, Blair didn't feel so brave anymore. Fairy tale burst, leaving her with dreaded reality and unexplained debt of 400 dollars.
Blair's strides home were slow and long. She was supposed to deposit the money to landlord's bank account that day. Where would she get the money now? She dumped the bag and the box, stuffing the shoes in her purse so nobody would see it.
Blair felt like crap. This was her price for her pride, this was her price for her competitiveness. Her spirits were low, wondering how she'd conjure up this money she didn't have. Her family would kill her.
A car pulled over, windows rolling down. ''Blair,'' Called out Diana. ''Come on in, I'm on my way home.''
Blair couldn't lift her eyes off the floor.
''What's wrong?''
Nate looked at Chuck downing yet another glass of amber liquid. Like a dragon fueling his fire, drinking kerosene. They were at Bass penthouse. His father was abroad again, they had whole house to themselves. The spacey living room has been their favorite lounge room for years. Chuck put the empty glass back on the table, poured himself another one and browsed through his phone.
''You really are suffering.'' Nate was eying worriedly his best friend.
''Don't over-dramatize this.'' Chuck replied lazily, not even lifting up his eyes from the iPhone screen.
''You're trying to hide it.'' He added, proud of himself and encouraged by his instinct. He may actually be right this time. Chuck appeared to have genuine feelings for the girl. Sign of heartache were clear: infinite amounts of indifference towards everyone and anything, cold look in eyes, feeling of inner emptiness without glass of scotch in hands and shutting off in his room and/or bars.
''Let's just say I got tired.''
''Well, then stop being tired,'' Nate insisted, wishing he could be as persuasive as Serena or as witty as Chuck when in mood. All he could offer were honest feelings and simple words. Nathaniel felt thorns of guilt spreading over his chest, eating him alive. Just knowing that girl Blair was innocent deprived him of calm sleep. He wanted to set things right. He wanted to set them right without hurting anyone, especially Serena. If Chuck knew what she did, he'd never forgive her. And she'd never forgive Nate for betraying her. ''Go, talk to Blair. Tell her that you believe her.''
Chuck flashed him a glare. Finally, an emotion. But not the one his best friend was hoping for. ''Except that I don't believe her.''
Nate bit his lip. He forced a laugh. ''Do you really think she's a drug addict? Just look at her-''
''Archibald, you must have been tripping together with her. Weren't you there? Didn't you see how-''. Words got stuck in his throat. Chuck took another drink, downing all the good and bad memories with it.
''I saw.'' Nate went through his hair, exhaling heavily. How was he supposed to fix this mess? His words were now spoken in a rush, like a band aid he wanted to rip off quickly. ''Who knows? Maybe they did trick her! Maybe it was her first and last time? Talk to her. Say you're sorry, apologize.''
''Apologize? Apologize for what? Why is everyone all of a sudden in love with Blair?'' Chuck growled, his jaw clenching. ''Serena keeps harassing me about her health and you want me to apologize? What's going on?''
Nate scratched his head nervously, not knowing what to say. It was like trying to come up for air, but feeling the cold of sea depth choke you. ''I'm just saying... You only get one shot, man.''
Chuck continued to fiddle with his phone, ignoring his best friend. Nate sighed after a silent pause, helplessly pouring himself glass of scotch and downing it. What he didn't know was that Chuck looked at only picture of Blair he had on his phone. He was recollecting the afternoon spent in auditorium and him sneaking a picture of her beautiful face.