Jazzie was fast asleep in bed when she was startled awake by a quiet knock at the door. She groaned and tried to go back to sleep, hoping they'd go away. She was just drifting off again when the rude knocking started back up, dragging her out of a pleasant dose and the start of a promising dream. "Mistoffelees? If it's Tensy you're after, she's in ze Infirmary!" she called.

But the knocking persisted. So with a sigh she stretched and dragged herself out of bed, loped over to the door and opened it. "Yes? Who is it?" She asked sleepily.

To her surprise, standing before her nervously shuffling her feet was a young ginger torbie. "Oh?" She exclaimed. "Teazer? I was not expecting you!"

"Is it alright if I come in?" Rumpleteazer asked. "Only, I needs to speak with ya, proper urgent like."

"Um, certainly. I-I'll make us some tea. Make yourself at home."

While she waited for the kettle to boil on the little camping stove, Jazzie fumbled for mugs; realised they were filthy and had to give them a quick rinse in the sink. "So, Teazer?" she asked, when she finally handed the Torbie tabby a mug of tea and sat down on the floor opposite her. "What seems to be ze problem?"

Rumpleteazer didn't answer immediately, but stared into her mug of tea as though hoping to find the answers to her burning questions in its honey beige contents. "I've been feeling all odd, like. Sort of like not meself," she began.

"In what way?" Jazzie asked patiently.

"I dunno. Like I'm some sort of crazy person. And I've been doing all these weird things too..."

"Like ransacking a certain tom's den perhaps?" Jazzie suggested.

"Yeah!" Rumpleteazer said quickly. "I didn't mean to, honest. It just sort of happened. I just wanted to have a chat with him that was all. But he wasn't there, so I decided to wait. And then I got bored…!"

She bit her lip, looking very sheepish. "He got the right 'ump he did!"

"I'm not surprised!" said Jazzie.

Then she queried, "Is zere anysing else you've been doing zat anyone who knows you would say was out of character at all?"

"Yeah!" Rumpleteazer replied enthusiastically as though suddenly remembering. "I've been a right old misery guts, I have. I keep ballin' me bleedin' eyes out…"

At that moment she sniffed and her eyes glazed over. "Sometimes, I just can't stop…!" she said, her voice wobbling dangerously. And then the floodgates opened.

Panicking, Jazzie dropped her mug and gathered the stricken queen into her arms as she howled, "Nobody loves me!"

"Shhh, zere zere!" soothed Jazzie. "Of course cats love you. Please don't cry!"

But unfortunately this plea had the opposite effect, making the Torbie cry even more. "E-even J-Jerry don't want me ara-round!" She stammered in between sobs. "S-said to c-come b-b-back when I-I've ch-cheered up, an-an I've got this awful pain in me Aunt Nellie that just won't go away!"

She pointed to her tummy and carried on wailing, "Waaaaaahaaaaahaaaa...!"

Jazzie waited for ten minutes, gently rocking the Torbie until she eventually calmed down. "Rumpleteazer?" She said quietly.

But the queen was crying so loudly that she didn't hear. "Rumpleteazer!?" Jazzie repeated, slightly louder this time.

"Yeah?" came a moan from her shoulder.

"I sink I may know what is wrong wiz you," she said calmly.

Rumpleteazer pulled away, looking at her with bleary eyes as she wiped her nose with the back of her paw. Jazzie quickly handed her a rag which she proceeded to blow her nose into before handing back. "Really?" She squeaked.

"Yes, but first, may I ask how old you are?" Jazzie questioned as she tossed the snotty rag over her shoulder into the already overflowing wicker laundry basket.

"I've seen two Jellicle moons," Rumpleteazer replied.

"Ok," Jazzie took a deep breath and began.

"Rumpleteazer, have you ever heard of somesing called Oestrus?" she asked.

Rumpleteazer frowned. "Wassat? I ain't had much schooling, so I dunno much."

"Do you know what it means to be on heat?" Jazzie tried.

Rumpleteazer beamed at finally understanding something. "Oh! You mean, like, wanting kittens an that…?"

"Yes," said Jazzie. "Your body is telling you zat you're ready. And ze symptoms will get stronger when a certain tom is around."

"Oh! Riiiight!" Rumpleteazer suddenly looked thoughtful.

"That'll explain all the weird thoughts I've been having lately!" She mused to herself.

"Um, I never really thought about having babies before," she explained to Jazzie. "But now all my friends are havin em, I feels kind of like, a bit left out. Y'know what I mean? Also, I can't seem to get pictures of kittens out of me head. I spend hours just thinking up names for em, like. And me arms feel so empty that I've been cuddling on of the family's teddy bears just so as I can get me some Bo Peep!"

She sniffed and then enquired, "Ere? How'd you get one?"

"Get what?" Asked Jazzie.

"You know! A bun in the oven!" Rumpleteazer pointed to Jazzie's tummy. "Don't tell me you forgot!"

"Oh!" Jazzie smacked her forehead and smiled apologetically. "Yes, silly me! I've been so tired, I can't believe I forgot!"

"I dunno how you could forget sommink like that..." Rumpleteazer said, dreamily. "You're so lucky, you know that don't ya? What I wouldn't give for just one..."

Jazzie was confused, so she thought she'd tentatively ask, "Teazer?"

"Yeah?"

"You do know how kittens are made, don't you?"

Rumpleteazer rolled her eyes. "They fall out the sky. Of course I knows how kits is made, what you take me for some sort of dimwit?"

"Oh, zat's a relief-!"

"So, what's it like, then?" Asked Rumpleteazer.

"What's what like?" Jazzie gave her another confused look.

"Y'know, bein struck by lightning?" Rumpleteazer went on. "Does it hurt?"

Jazzie's mouth fell open. "What?!"

"That's what Jerry said!"

"What did Jerry say?" Jazzie asked worriedly.

"That to get pregnant you have to stand out in a storm and get struck by lightning," Rumpleteazer explained matter of factly.

Jazzie had her paws over her eyes and stared at her through the gaps between her fingers. "Please tell me you haven't been doing zat!"

"Oh yeah. I was on the roof the other night during that storm-"

"Please, please, please! Promise me you won't do zat, anymore!" Jazzie gasped.

"Why not?"

"Because!" Jazzie said exasperatedly. "Not only is it incredibly dangerous, but zat is NOT how you get pregnant!"

"Just wait till I get my paws on you Jerry!" She thought.

Rumpleteazer looked downcast. "Oh. Well, how else am I supposed to get pregnant then?" she sniffed.

Jazzie sighed. "I'll make us another cup of tea. And zen I shall tell you a story involving some birds and bees."

Rumpleteazer squealed happily. "Oh! I loves a good story, I does! Someone else is good at telling those y'know!" She winked.

Well, five cups of tea and three diagrams later, Rumpleteazer was only just getting her head around this new concept. Jazzie had had to patiently start from the beginning and work from there, but finally the information seemed to be sinking in. "So, what you're saying is, I needs to get myself a tom?" Rumpleteazer said thoughtfully.

"Zat's right!" Jazzie replied, sounding relieved. "Do you have anyone in mind?"

"Well, I did have a boyfriend, Victor. But he dumped me after the club night."

Jazzie looked sympathetic. "I'm sorry to hear zat-"

"Ah don't be!" Rumpleteazer interrupted. "He had about as much personality as me left butt cheek, anyway, beggin your pardon!"

"It's ok!" Laughed Jazzie. "Carry on."

"Well, I sort of like someone else now," Rumpleteazer continued, suddenly looking awkward.

"Who?" Jazzie asked innocently.

Rumpleteazer bit her lip. "I can't...saying his name sets me off sommink rotten!"

"Why don't you describe him to me, zen?" Jazzie suggested.

So Rumpleteazer closed her eyes and thought hard for a moment, her brow furrowed in concentration. "His eyes are like...like the Thames on a Summer's day. His coat shimmers like silver solder and...diamond dust? Yeah! Diamond dust. And when he sings, yeah? Even the rain stops so that it can have a listen. When he moves, it sends earthquakes up me spine. I could spend all day just watching him, like! And when he looks at me, I just erupt smiles all over the place and I'd give them all to him if I could. He never smiles back though…"

"I sink I know who you're on about-" began Jazzie, but Rumpleteazer immediately cut her off.

"Please! Don't say it! You'll set me off again!"

"I won't. But I do sink zat your best bet would be to have a quiet word wiz him and tell him how you feel."

Rumpleteazer vigorously shook her head. "Oh no! I couldn't do that! He hates me guts!"

"He is not well at ze moment," said Jazzie. "Give him about a week. And I would at least apologise for messing up his den. He wasn't best pleased about zat, you know!"

Rumpleteazer dutifully nodded and gave her a little salute. "Alright, I will. Ta Doc! I mean, Jazz. Can I call you Jazz?"

"Of course!" Jazzie smiled. "We are friends now."

Rumpleteazer looked slightly incredulous. "You mean you don't mind me...like, infringing on your turf, so a speak?"

"What do you mean by 'infringing?'" Asked Jazzie, looking confused.

"Well he's yours, innee? That's what I thought."

"Not anymore. Our time togezzer is up," Jazzie said sadly.

Then she smiled again. "But yours might just be beginning!"

She gave the younger queen a hug. "So don't worry. You'll keep him company for me, oui?"

Rumpleteazer hugged her back and almost started crying again. "Thank you! I really appreciate this I does," she said hoarsely. "I needs a wee now though!"

"No worries. I shall see you out," said Jazzie and guided her towards the door. "Take care! Oh! And Teazer?"

"Yeah?" The Torbie turned back halfway out of the door.

"He is not unreasonable," she advised. "Talk and he will listen."

Rumpleteazer smiled. "Ta nurse! Alligator!" And she skipped happily off towards Victoria Grove.

"Au revoir!" Jazzie waved goodbye and then went to collapse on the bed.

"Finally! Can I go back to sleep now?" she thought.