Rumpleteazer was sitting in the corner of the Wellington Arms tying herself in knots, all because she hadn't been prepared for the Silver Bengcoon to come striding in through the door the way he did. She had been caught mid-conversation, her words having deserted her, but she neither remembered nor cared about what she was talking about or even who she was talking to. All she knew was that she was suddenly in the presence of a silver God, for there was something about him that made her feel instantly cold and on edge but also jubilant at being in the same room as him; that she and he were only meters apart! The first thing she noticed about him was how gloriously rugged he looked. With the dirt on his face and paws, the twigs and grass seeds in his newly clipped fur, he looked like a tom who had been working hard. He glanced briefly in her direction and she smiled nervously, hoping she looked composed (even though she felt quite the contrary) and that he wouldn't notice her own dusty, uncombed fur (It was ok for toms to look a bit shabby now and again, but never queens and especially not a princess hoping to attract a prince!) But he didn't smile back.
"You just came in the door
Like no one I ever saw before
I feel...
I feel...
I don't know where you came from
I wish I did
I feel so dumb
I feel...
Your swagger and your bearing
And the just right collar you're wearing
Your silver fur and your black stripes
And your charcoal paws
And your eyes, oh
Your big cyan eyes
I thought it was supposed to be wrong
But you seem okay with being strong
I want...to...
You're so…
It's probably conceited to say
But I think we're alike in a certain way
I...um...
Your swagger and your bearing
And the just right collar you're wearing
Your silver fur and your black stripes
And your charcoal paws
And your eyes, oh
Your big cyan eyes
Do you feel my heart saying "hi"?
In this whole public house,
Why am I the only one who sees you're beautiful?
No, I mean...
Handsome!
Your swagger and your bearing
And the just right collar you're wearing
Your silver fur and your marbling
And your charcoal paws
And your eyes, oh
Your big brave eyes
I know you
I know you
I know you…"
(Based on Ring of Keys from Fun Home the Musical)
She observed him silently from the shadows, the fur standing up on the back of her neck when he sat at the piano and began to sing. "I'd stop the pain in yer heart!" She thought coyly. "If you'd only let me of course!"
After he'd finished singing he began to socialise with a small bunch of toms. She listened as they made jokes and derogatory comments directed mainly towards one another, but the odd unflattering remark about certain queens also slipped in from time to time. Eventually they fired themselves up for a quick game of darts and she marvelled at his skill as he hit the bullseye every time, consequently wiping the floor with his disgruntled competitors. But of course, they didn't dare to confront him about it. Because although it all seemed light hearted enough, Rumpleteazer knew that there was a serious side to their so called 'friendly' banter and posturing. In fact it would have been obvious to those familiar with such gatherings that the toms were deliberately sizing one another up and that Munkustrap had quietly stamped his authority all over them, so that no one in the room was in any doubt as to who the top cat was. Rumpleteazer was all too aware of how quickly things could turn nasty should a cat ever be foolish enough to challenge the status quo. However no-one seemed to have any malicious intentions tonight for Munkustrap was clearly in the company of old friends and, having won his sixth round of darts, he casually bid everyone farewell and slipped out into the night as silently as he had arrived. Rumpleteazer panicked. What to do? She dithered for a few seconds, then grabbed the large package she had been storing under the table and ran after him. But he had already disappeared, vanished like an apparition into the night. "How the bleedin heck does he do that?" She wandered.
Well? What now? Her legs had already made up their mind for her, so she shouldered the oddly shaped parcel and began to tread an already well worn path towards Thames Scrapyard; just as the heavens opened.
She stopped outside his door and lifted a paw to knock on it, but suddenly hesitated, her nerves jangling uncontrollably. "I can't do this!" She thought to herself as she took a few deep breaths to try to calm them. "I must be bleedin crackers- Oh! Just knock on the door you daft cow!"
With that, she pursed her lips and rapped sharply once, twice, three times. But there was no answer. He was definitely in though, because she could smell something. And it smelt delicious! She could practically feel her mouth watering. "Maybe I'll just try once more," she thought.
After the second round of knocking she heard an audible growl and then the door was flung open. There he was in all his barely concealed aggressive glory. And as predicted he did not look pleased to see her. "Yes?" he snapped, glaring down at her.
"I-I come to apologise, you know er...for touching your stuff, like," she stammered, trying not to tremble. Her feet were begging her to run, but she stubbornly held them fast.
"You're forgiven," he replied. "Goodbye."
He was about to slam the door in her face-
"I got you somming!" She said desperately.
With a shaking paw she held out the crude parcel, with its newspaper wrapping having gone soggy and was beginning to disintegrate as she hurriedly explained, "I knows you lost your guitar so I thought you'd like a new one. It's not knicked or nothing! I found it. I did!"
Munkustrap was completely taken aback. Not knowing what else to do he slowly took the package from her and pulled off the remaining newspaper to reveal...a ukulele? "Oh!" he said, sounding surprised. "Thank you..."
He was momentarily lost for words. Then he looked from the pouring rain to the drenched cat who he'd been about to slam the door on and felt a sudden pang of guilt. "Um, would you like to-?" he started to ask.
"Mighty kind of ya!"
She didn't even wait for him to open the door fully. She simply barged passed him.
He rolled his eyes. "Come on in, why don't you?" he muttered and closed the door.
Meanwhile she was busy making herself right at home, immediately drawing up a chair and sitting down at the table whilst hungrily licking her lips at the sight of the frying pan full of food. She was about to help herself when Munkustrap growled and swiftly snatched the frying pan away from her thieving and not to mention soaking wet paws. Then in response to her wide eyed mortified expression he sighed and rolled his eyes again. "Did you want some?" he offered reluctantly.
She grinned up at him hopefully and nodded. "Fine!" He sighed and dropped the pan in the middle of the table, whereupon she immediately began to shovel pieces of meat into her mouth like there was no tomorrow, chewing happily.
"Mmmm! This is sooo good," she commented. "You cook this?"
"No, it pretty much cooked and caught itself," he said dryly, finally managing to snatch some for himself before she could scoff the lot.
"So, you like your meat rare I take it?" He said.
"Oh yeah! 'At's the only way to ea' it!" She replied through a mouthful of food.
He raised his eyebrows. Now that was surprising. Just went to show there were exceptions to every rule. But then again this was Rumpleteazer...
They ate in silence for a bit and Munkustrap's mood began to lighten somewhat, owing to the fact that his stomach was no longer eating itself. "So, where's your shadow?" he asked finally.
"Who? You mean Jerry?" she shrugged. "Why do you ask?"
"Oh I don't know. Maybe because I've never seen you two not together?"
"We ain't joined at the hip ya know!" she retorted. "He's off doing his thing and I'm off doin mine."
"Fare enough. No cares given." It was his turn to shrug.
Before long they were both reaching for the last piece of pigeon, but he waved to her. "Have it," he said without much conviction.
"Ta!"
She stuffed it into her mouth and licked her paws. "Such a gentleman!"
"I fear it will be my downfall," he grumbled as he picked up the ukulele and examined it.
It was a good one. He quietly plucked the strings as he began to tune it, listening out for the correct pitch and twisting the knobs until it sounded just right, with the dull notes setting his teeth on edge. "So, is there anything I can do for you, Teazer?" he enquired.
"I needed to talk to you about somming," she said.
"I gathered that," he said. "Well, I'll tell you what, why don't I get us some tea and then we can sit down and have that chat ok? Hold on."
He put the ukulele down, quickly made the tea and handed her a mug before settling back down with his so that they were facing each other on either side of the table. "So, what was it you wanted to talk to me about?" he asked.
She moistened her dry lips and took a sip of tea. Then she cleared her throat. This was it. Now or never. It felt like falling into a vipers' pit. "I- well- as you may have noticed, um, I've been acting a bit odd lately-"
"Can't say I have…" he said, with a degree of sarcasm in his voice. "What do you mean by 'odd' anyway?"
"Sort of...I dunno. Sad, I suppose. Yeah! Sad."
He looked at her. Come to think of it, she was missing her usual cheeky grin. "And why do you think that might be?" he pressed.
"Well, Jazzie says it's cos my body is ready to have kittens," she said, looking thoughtful.
"But do you actually want kittens?"
"More than the crown jewels!" She said with a sigh.
That got another raised eyebrow. Wow! She wanted them quite badly! Rumpleteazer wanting to be a mother? Either she was starting to see sense or she had finally cracked. It was hard to tell which. "Well what's stopping you?" He scoffed, waving a paw in her direction. "You're a...good looking girl, surely you could have any tom you wanted?"
Her eyes widened. "Really? Oh. Thanks Munk! No one's ever said that before!"
He looked at her incredulously. "Seriously?"
Then he sat back, crossing his arms as he did so and smiled. "Now come on," he coaxed. "Which tom did you have in mind? Maybe I could put in a good word for you?"
He wasn't prepared for her answer, which she hurriedly voiced just as he uncrossed his arms to take a sip of tea, causing him to inhale it instead. "Well, you see...um...the tom I sort of had in mind was kind of like...you."
The ensuing coughing fit that followed forced him to stand up and turn his back on her for a moment. "This needs to stop happening!" He thought.
Once he had brought it under control, he slowly turned back to face her. There was a long pause and then he said very tentatively, "Ok. Sooo...I have a question for you. And please don't be offended-"
"Alright I won't be!" She smirked.
"Are you insane?" He asked her in all seriousness.
"What?!" She exclaimed.
Munkustrap quickly back pedalled. "Ok I'll rephrase that. Have you by any chance thought this through, at all?"
"I don't think about much else to be honest with ya," she admitted.
She looked up him. "But I know I made the right decision."
"I'm not sure that you have," he said, frowning and shaking his head.
Out of nervous habit he then began to chew his knuckles and slowly paced up and down.
"He's saying no!" She thought, her heart sinking. "Well it ain't exactly the yes you were hoping for, is it!"
"Why not?" she demanded, her brows knitting together in confusion.
He stopped pacing and faced her. "Well let's start with the blindingly obvious shall we?" He said. "The fact that I am old enough to be your father. It just wouldn't be right. In fact, I have daughters who are the same age as you-!"
"Yeah!" Rumpleteazer cut him off. "And they're all mothers now! Well almost all of em anyway!"
Then she gave him a coy wink. "What's the matter?" She goaded. "Don't think I'd make a good one?"
"I think you'd make Bombalurina look like Florence Nightingale," he told her honestly.
"What's that supposed to mean?" She shouted. "And who the heck is Florence Nightingale!?"
He shook his head dismissively and held up his paws in a gesture of surrender. "Never mind," he said and went on to explain. "The point I am trying to make is that a life of crime is hardly conducive to raising healthy kittens and I am not about to become a single father again. Plus, I'm in enough trouble as it is without adding you to the mix!"
"Wait, you're scared of what cats will think?" she asked incredulously.
He shrugged. "Scared is not the word that I would have used. However, my position does depend on what cats think of me funnily enough, and I do not wish to incur the wrath of any more-"
"And does what I think not matter?" she interrupted.
"I never said that it didnt-"
"Just cos I have to steal to survive, just to get some food in me belly-" she carried on.
"There's also the another minor issue," it was his turn to interrupt before she could go off on a tangent.
"Oh yeah?" She asked, raising her eyebrows as if to say, "Go on then. Hit me with it!"
"The fact that I am not attracted to you in any way, shape or form," he finished.
Her eyes grew wide. Then she stared down at the table, feeling like the bottom had just dropped out of her stomach. "You don't pull your punches do ya," she muttered sadly.
"I like to be straight with people," he stated. "And seeing as you've been straight with me, I feel it's only fair."
"But-but you just said I was attractive!" She said, her voice threatening to break.
"And so you are," he said with an affectionate smile. But then it faded.
"Just, not to me."
"What's the matter with me?" She ventured and suddenly scraped the chair away from the table as she stood up and stared at him with tears in her eyes.
"Nothing-" he wavered.
"Aren't I pretty enough for ya?" She cut him off again, placed her paws on her hips and sashayed up to him.
He swallowed. "I knew this would happen!" He thought morosely and tugged on his collar to loosen it, something he did when he felt very uncomfortable, which at that moment, he did.
"I understand you are upset…" he began, instinctively backing away until he found himself pressing up against the sink.
She crossed her arms, stopping just in front of him. "Upset?" She laughed. "Oh yeah, cos that's just fine, ain't it!"
She started to sing at the top of her lungs. She didn't care who heard. This was it, the only ammunition she had left,
"Can you hear me calling
Out your name
You know that I'm falling and I don't know what to say
I'll speak a little louder
I'll even shout
You know that I'm proud and I can't get the words out
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
(Wanna be with you everywhere)
Something's happening
Happening to me
My friends say I'm acting peculiarly
C'mon baby
We better make a start
You better make it soon before you break my heart
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
(Wanna be with you everywhere)
Can you hear me calling
Out your name
You know that I'm falling and I don't know what to say
Oh come along baby
We better make a start
You better make it soon before you break my heart
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere
Oh I
I want to be with you everywhere!"
(Everywhere by Fleetwood Mac)
He shook his head sadly. "I'm sorry Teazer-" he began but didn't get any further because without warning she reached out and grabbed at his chest fur, yanking it painfully.
"Please Munk! I'm begging ya to change ya mind!" She pleaded.
"Ow! Ow! No...!" He muttered through gritted teeth as he grabbed her arms and pushed her away, but she came back at him.
"Please!" She begged.
"Answer's still no!" He replied whilst holding her firmly, trying to keep her at arm's length, but it was a struggle. She was stronger than she looked!
"Why not?" She cried.
"I've already told you why!" He shouted.
She stopped struggling. "I don't care," she blurted out. "I love you!"
"I do not love you!" he hissed at her and pointed to the door. "You have considerably outstayed your welcome. Now will you please leave!"
"Alright I will!" she snapped and stomped over to the door.
But just before she left she turned back to glare at him one last time. However he seemed to be too preoccupied with smoothing down his ruffled fur to notice the defiant tear rolling down her cheek. "This ain't over!" she promised him.
"It isn't going to start!" He countered angrily.
She hissed, stormed out and slammed the door behind her. Once outside, the pouring rain immediately soaked her, but she barely noticed. "No one tells ME what I can and can't have!" she fumed. "Just you wait, Munkustrap! I'll get what I want!"
It would probably have been easier to steal the crown jewels, but she was Rumpleteazer and she could steal anything. Even a heart, if she wanted it badly enough!
"Got brass in pocket," she sang,
"Got bottle I'm gonna use it
Intention I feel inventive
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
Got motion restrained emotion
Been walking London leaning
No reason just seems so pleasing
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
Gonna use my arms
Gonna use my legs
Gonna use my style
Gonna use my sidestep
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention give it to me
Got rhythm I can't miss a beat
Got new skank it's so reet
Got something I'm winking at you
Gonna make you, make you, make you notice
Gonna use my arms
Gonna use my legs
Gonna use my style
Gonna use my sidestep
Gonna use my fingers
Gonna use my, my, my imagination
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me
'Cause I gonna make you see
There's nobody else here
No one like me
I'm special, so special
I gotta have some of your attention
Give it to me!"
(Brass In Pocket by The Pretenders)
She stopped in front of a puddle and watched the circular ripples the raindrops made as they splashed into it. "But what am I gonna do?" She asked her wobbly reflection.
Then she had an idea. Of course! Why hadn't she thought of it before? "There's only one cat what can help me!" She thought.
"So let me get this straight. He's tired. He's hungry. He's grumpy. He's been out hunting all day. And then you turn up out of the blue and go spring that on him? Dammit girl, of course he's going to get a bee in his bonnet! What did you expect?"
"I dunno…" Rumpleteazer sighed listlessly.
She was slumped in a swivel chair in Bombalurina's Fur n Claws Salon, swinging herself from side to side with her foot. She had come to seek the advice of the only cat who could help her, because if she couldn't then no one could. Bombalurina had a think, absentmindedly rubbing her now obviously gravid belly. It had popped out all of a sudden!
"Well, have you maybe considered going after someone else?" She suggested. "Someone easier maybe?"
"What you mean Old Snake Hips?" Rumpleteazer remarked. "Ta, but no ta! I might be cheap, but I ain't desperate!"
"Charming," Bombalurina muttered under her breath.
Then she quizzed, "Well, they say the best way to a tom's heart is through his stomach. Can you cook?"
"No," came the reply.
"Ok," said Bombalurina thoughtfully. "Well don't worry that's not the only way. Trust me or I wouldn't have gotten anywhere either! Let's see. Let me look at you."
She picked up her comb and scissors and then began to style the young queen's fur. "Just got to get you looking irresistible, that's all," she murmured. "And I know just the way!"
She picked up some make up. As she worked, she told Rumpleteazer, "I will have a quiet word with our Protector. But first, you must work a little magic of your own."
"How? I ain't gotta seductive bone in me body!" Rumpleteazer argued.
"Don't you worry," Bombalurina assured her. "I am going to change all that. We'll make a seductress out of you yet, or my name is not Bombalurina!"
She winked, "But you must do exactly what I say."
The following night Munkustrap returned to his den with muscles aching following a hard session of fight training with sensei Rumpus night was clear and warm so he thought that it would be a good idea to sit on the corrugated iron roof of his den and enjoy his tea whilst surveying his surroundings. It was a great spot. The iron was still warm from having the sun on it but was no longer scorching and from there he had a complete view of the junkyard and the surrounding territory. "Ah! Nice and quiet!" He thought to himself as he took his first grateful sip of tea in three hours. "Just how I like it! Nothing going on. No interr- WHAT THE-!"
He was about to take another sip of tea when he almost choked on it again. What the Hell was THAT in the tyre clearing? As he stood up to get a better look, the mug suddenly slipped from his grasp, shattering on the ground below. It was a queen. At least it looked vaguely like a queen. And not just any queen either. He could just about make out Rumpleteazer underneath all the black lipstick, eye paint, rouge and the bouffant hairdo. She was also sporting a rather fetching black corset over the top of her fishnet stockings complete with suspenders! And just to add to that she was also burlesque dancing in the shaft of moonlight which fell upon the floor so that she was lit up even more, the effect akin to someone holding a torch light under their chin. In other words, utterly grotesque. She caught his eye with her heavily false lashed ones and batted them. Then she beckoned him with her finger to come closer.
"Take these dogs away from me!" She sang in her high toy doll voice.
"Your life's a mystery
Mine is an open book
If I could read your mind
I think I'd take a look
I'm not scared, baby
I don't care."
He jumped down off the pile of junk and into the clearing. He was horrified. The view was even worse up close, but he couldn't look away. Rumpleteazer may have misinterpreted this because she carried on,
"What have you got to hide?
What do you need to prove?
You're always telling lies
And that's the only truth
I don't care, baby
I'm not scared."
She began to sway towards him, swinging her hips. Whoa! Rumpleteazer had hips? Since when? Surely this was some sort of weird dream and he'd wake up in a minute?
"Tonight, the streets are full of actors
I don't know why
Oh, take these dogs away from me
Before they, they bite
What have you got to say
Of shadows in your past?
I thought that if you paid
You'd keep them off our backs
Where do we have to be
So I can laugh and you'll be free?
I'd go anywhere, baby
I don't care
I'm not scared
I'm not scared
Tonight, the streets are full of actors
I don't know why
Oh, débarrasse-moi de ces chiens
Avant qu'ils mordent, avant qu'ils mordent!"
He had to admit...no! Erase that thought!
"Tonight, I fought and made my mind up
I know it's right
I know these dogs still snap around me
But I can, I can fight
If I was you, if I was you
I wouldn't treat me the way you do
If I was you, if I was you
I wouldn't treat me the way you do, you
If I was you, if I was you
I wouldn't treat me the way you do
If I was you, if I was you
I wouldn't treat me the way you do, you
I'm not scared, baby
I don't care
I'd go anywhere, baby
I'm not scared."
She was directly in front of him, so close that her Eau de Passion almost suffocated him.
"J'ai pas peur
J'ai pas peur
I'm not scared, baby
I'm not scared."
(I'm Not Scared by Eighth Wonder)
He stared at her for what seemed like an eternity, incredulously looking her up and down. Then down and up; and finally up and down again just to be sure that he wasn't seeing things. She really was a sight to behold, that was for sure, but not necessarily one that was easy on the eye.
"Well you might not be scared!" he remarked. "Teazer...what is...this?" He indicated her atire. "You look like something out of a Grimm Brothers' fairy tail and I'm not talking about the fair maid!"
"You don't...like it?" She pouted.
"Holy Bast no!" He gave an audible sigh, shook his head and grabbed her arm.
"Come with me!" He ordered. "Before someone sees you!"
He dragged her back to his den and sat her down on a box. Then he boiled the kettle and told her, "Take off those ridiculous clothes!"
"Why?" she demanded.
He walked over to her carrying a bowl of warm water, some soap and a cloth. "Because you don't need them!" he replied bluntly.
She tried, but she couldn't even bend down because the corset held her like a body cast. "I might be stuck..." she admitted sheepishly. "I can barely breathe in this thing let alone move-!"
"Turn around," he commanded.
She obeyed and he deftly untied the laces, working them loose until she let out a sigh of relief as the steel and satin contraption released her constricted ribs. As he worked, she smirked and said accusingly, "Ere, you've done this before, ain'tcha!"
"No comment," he muttered and in one swift movement, undid the clasps and tossed the thing over his shoulder.
Then he pulled off the stockings and gave them the same treatment whilst grumbling, "Whatever made you think that I would find this even remotely attractive, I'll never know!"
"Bombalurina-" she started.
"I might have guessed!"
Using the wet cloth and soap he gently wiped away the make-up as best he could, then peeled away her false lashes, uttering a gruff, "Sorry..." when he accidentally pulled out a few of her real ones.
Next he wiped away her eye makeup, followed by the rouge and last of all, the black lipstick. "There, that'll have to do. I'm not much good at this," he murmured apologetically when he'd finished.
Finally he smoothed down her bouffant, then looked her sternly in the eye and said, "Hello Rumpleteazer. It is good to have you back. You know, you really don't need all of that war paint!"
She looked sad. "But I look like me now!" She complained.
"Exactly," he replied somewhat dismissively. "Beautiful you. Who will make some young tom very happy if you just give him a chance."
Then he showed her the door. "Now kindly disappear! I have things to do."
But she refused to move. "I went to a lot of trouble ya know!" she yelled at him. "I ain't going nowhere!"
She crossed her arms and stuck her chin out. "Humph!"
His expression suddenly darkened. "Oh yes you are!" he growled.
She shook her head defiantly. "Oh no I'm not! Not till you at least consider it!"
"Consider what?" he snapped.
"You know darn well what! Come on. I know you want to!" She gave him another wry smile and batted her eyelids in an obviously flirtatious manner, but it only angered him further.
"You know nothing!" He growled and pointed to the door again. "Don't make me throw you out!"
"Why don't you want me?" She cried all of a sudden.
"I gave you my reasons-!" He replied sharply.
"I hate you!" She yelled.
"Good! Well I'm obviously doing something right!" He shot back.
She had no idea why she did it. No clue at all. But she suddenly launched herself at him with a desperate hiss and aimed a swipe at his cheek. However it never made the connection because the next thing she knew her arm was behind her back and she was being pressed up against the wall, unable to move an inch. She was shocked more than frightened and this only made her laugh hysterically. "Is this meant to scare me, Oh Mighty Protector?" She mocked.
"Yes!" came a hiss in her ear.
"Well go on then," she defied him. "Kill me. I dare ya!"
He let her go pretty sharpish, holding a paw to his mouth in response to the sheer stress of the situation. "How could you even think that of me?" he whispered as she slid down the wall and lay in a shaking ball on the floor. It was more than he knew how to handle.
"Fine!" He muttered. "Just don't be here when I get back!"
He walked out and slammed the door, causing her to flinch as the room reverberated from the loud bang. "I ain't giving up!" She sobbed to herself. "I ain't!"
"I'd like to run away from you, but if you never found me I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me, but I know I never
Will
You stay away and all I do is wonder why the hell I wait for you
But when did common sense prevail for lovers when we know it never
Will
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without
You
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
You never treat me like you should, so what's the good of loving as I
Do
Although you always laugh at love, nothing else would be good enough
For you
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without
You
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me live, you make me die,
For you
You make me sing, you make me sad, you make me glad, you make me mad,
For you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
I'd like to run away from you ,but if you never found me I would die
I'd like to break the chains you put around me, but I know I never will
You stay away and all I do is wonder why the hell I wait for you
But when did common sense prevail for lovers when we know it never will
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
You never treat me like you should, so what's the good of loving as I do?
Although you always laugh at love, nothing else would be good enough for you
Impossible to live with you, but I know, I could never live without you
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
You make me laugh, you make me cry, you make me live, you make me die, for you
You make me sing, you make me sad, you make me glad, you make me mad, for you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you
I love you, hate you, love you, hate you
But I'll want you till the world stops turning
For whatever you do
I never, never, never want to be in love with anyone but you."
(Never Never Never by Shirley Bassey)
Bombalurina was tidying up the salon when she heard the telltale tinkle of the shop bell alerting her to a customer. "Be right there!" she called.
Then she walked to the front of the shop and greeted the visitor with a pleasant smile. "Oh? It's you handsome," she said breezily. "To what do I owe the pleasure?"
Without returning the greeting he glared at her and thrust the garments into her paws. "Corset? Suspenders? Really?" he demanded.
"I don't remember you complaining when I wore them," she purred.
He shot her a look of disgust. "Bombi please! How can you be encouraging her?"
"She isn't asking for much," She replied evenly.
He stared at her. "Are you saying that motherhood is not a massively life changing event that she is not even remotely prepared for?" he asked skeptically.
"I'm saying that you have to give her a chance. Or you'll have me to answer to!" Bombalurina replied, her voice turning slightly acrid.
"She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do," she told him.
"She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around, 'Coz she's in love with you
So if you see her all alone one night
Walk up to her discreetly, ask her why
And if she replies with words that don't make sense
It may be just because she's shy
Don't take advantage of her lack of understanding
Just because you think you could
Treat her right, treat her good
Take her home and make her feel the way she should
'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around, 'Coz she's in love with you
She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, But she's in love with you
So if you happen to be out one night
And someone asks you where you're gonna go
Just remember she's not like the other girls
She may not want them all to know
Though she may need a little time
She never wants to stand in line the way they would
So treat her nice, treat her good, treat her like you know you should
You may never find another girl like her
'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around, 'Coz she's in love with you
She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, But she's in love with you
So take her home and hold her close
Touch her where she feels it most, but be kind
And when she's making love to you
She'll do what you want her to
Treat her good, treat her like you know you should
You may never find another girl like her
'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around, 'Coz she's in love with you
She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, but she's in love with you
She's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you go, she may not let you know, but she's in love with you
'Coz she's in love with you, that's all she wants to do
She'll never let you down, she'll never fool around, 'Coz she's in love with you!"
(She's In Love With You by Suzi Quatro)
"And we all know what it is like to hanker after someone, don't we my sweet?" She reminded him.
Munkustrap sighed, feeling thoroughly cross with himself at how easily she was able to break down his walls. "Alright. I'll think about it," he conceded.
"It's a start," she said with a shrug. "Not quite the landslide victory I was expecting but still. A victory is a victory!"
Then a wry smile played across her lips. "Is there anything I can do to change your mind further," she enquired, slinking over to him until she was quite close. Close enough for their whiskers to touch.
"I hear you're in between queens..." she whispered.
Munkustrap stared longingly at her lips. She was playing her game again, teasing him. And usually he would have gladly fallen for it, but not today. Not when there was so much to be done. She must have sensed his reluctance because she asked sassily, "Is now not a good time?" There was a strange look in her eye, something sly and deliberate. What was she up to?
"Not really," he replied without any conviction at all. He was struggling to remember why now was not a good time. "Oh but those lips! Maybe just one kiss..." he thought, knowing full well where it would lead.
Unfortunately Iphigenia, Bombalurina's golden Abyssinian assistant, chose that moment to walk in. "Bombi? Where did you want me to put- Oh!"
Munkustrap and Bombalurina quickly pulled away from one another. Iphigenia looked mortified. As did Munkustrap. "Hey Iphy," he said sheepishly, unable to look her in the eye.
"Hi Munkustrap," she replied shyly, then looked apologetically at Bombalurina who was glaring at her.
"Sorry!" She said. "I didn't realise you had company!"
There was an awkward silence. Everyone was at a complete loss of what to do so Iphigenia began to sweep up with a broom (even though the floor was clean) accidentally knocking over some chairs in her haste. "Sorry! Sorry!" She muttered and quickly went to pick them up.
In order to diffuse the sudden atmosphere, Munkustrap cleared his throat and turned to leave. "Yes. Well. I'd best be going..." he mumbled.
"Munk-?" Bombalurina called after him.
He immediately turned back. "Yup?"
"This isn't going to go away, so promise me you will think about it?" she said.
"Which 'it' are we talking about here!" He growled.
She was about to answer when suddenly she grimaced with pain and doubled up.
He raised an eyebrow. "You ok?" He asked.
She continued to grimace, but nodded and gently held her lower belly. "Mmm! Pain...here. Hopefully nothing...you go...don't worry about me…"
Munkustrap's eyes widened. "Hopefully nothing she says!" He scoffed. "Bombi you're bleeding!"
"Bombi!" Echoed Iphigenia and pointed at her with look of horror on her face.
Bombalurina looked down in shock to where Iphigenia was pointing to and sure enough, a trickle of blood was soaking into the fur on the inside of her legs and dripping onto the floor. She stared at it in disbelief. "My-my kittens...!" she gasped.
Munkustrap immediately placed a comforting arm around her trembling shoulders and gave them a firm, but gentle squeeze. "Try to stay calm," he whispered to her.
"Is that your answer to everything?!" She shouted.
"Pretty much," he replied. "You should try it sometime."
"Easy for you to say!" She cried.
"Well panicking won't help will it!" He scolded. "Now come on. Let's get you out of here."
"But what about my shop?!" Bombalurina wailed.
"I'll look after it!" suggested Iphigenia. "I'll take care of everything, you take as much time as you need. I'll even give the young apprentice Vaughan a few more responsibilities, but don't worry, I won't let him near the peroxide again!"
"Thanks Iphy!" said Bombalurina shakily. "I'll send messenger boy here to inform you of what's happening."
"Charming!" He muttered.
"I hope it's all ok," Iphigenia said sympathetically.
"So do I," Bombalurina replied nervously. "Take me to the infirmary handsome!" and she managed a weak laugh as he hoisted her into arms.
"I'm not too cumbersome am I?" she fussed.
"Light as a feather Bombshell," he promised her whilst awkwardly backing out of the shop, the bell tinkling as the door swung open and shut.
Her eyes narrowed. "Are you saying I'm fat?" she asked suspiciously.
"What gave you that idea?" he chuckled as he walked briskly along Lisson Grove towards the Scrapyard.
"Oh! I don't know! Perhaps I'm thinking about the time I wore that outfit and asked you if my bum looked big. And you said yes!" She looked at him accusingly as she said this.
"Well what was I supposed to say?" He huffed. "Ow! What was that for?"
They continued to bicker like Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy all the way to the infirmary, where Jazzie and Jennyanydots were there to greet them. "Emergency! Coming through!" Munkustrap panted.
"Too right there is!" Growled Bombalurina. "I'm about to murder this tom!"
"Look, all I said was that big is better," he tried to reason, but it was clear she was having none of it. "That's all I said! And then you have to go and get all aggressive and start hitting me. Is it any wonder I didn't drop you-!"
"Carry her through and place her on the table, dear," Jennyanydots instructed, interrupting his short monologue.
So he quickly shut up and did as he was told, gently placing her down and then, when she wasn't looking, shook out his aching arms. He was one of the few toms, apart from Rum Tum Tugger and Macavity, who had the strength to lift her. Well, she was a large cat; almost as tall as him and far heavier than Jazzie, especially now that she was pregnant (But he didn't dare say any of that to her face!) Speaking of Jazzie. The aforementioned Snowshoe was busy examining Bombalurina, taking her blood pressure and heart rate, pressing her ear to The Somali's lower abdomen in order to listen to the babies' heartbeats and asking her questions, such as: "Where does it hurt?" and "When did ze bleeding start and was it accompanied by the pain?"
Finally, she came to a decision. "I would like to have a little look inside your tummy, just to see what's going on," she informed her. "I am only hearing one heartbeat, I'm afraid."
"Does that mean that one of my kittens is dead?" Bombalurina asked, looking worried.
"I do not know yet," Jazzie replied. "But we must be prepared for zat possibility. I'm sorry."
Bombalurina began to sob into her paw, so Munkustrap took hold of her other one and squeezed it. There was a grim look on his face, all humour forgotten. Bombalurina sniffed. "You're not going to cut me open, are you?" she asked Jazzie.
"No, of course not," said Jazzie kindly. "Come. I'll show you."
"Jenny?" she called.
"Yes dear?" The Old golden tabby bustled over.
"Tell Mistoffelees to set up ze ultrasound scanner, will you please?" Jazzie instructed.
Jennyanydots gave her a dutiful nod. "Right on it Jazz."
"Mistoffelees?" She hollared. "MISTOFFELEES! Oh, where is that magician?"
He appeared right behind her, making her jump. "Right here Ma'am!"
"Whoa!" She shrieked.
Then she looked at him crossly. "You almost gave me a hernia!" she scolded. "Now kindly make yourself useful and set up that fandangled machine."
"The Sonogram?" he clarified.
"Yes, that's the one!" Snapped Jennyanydots, ushering him away. "Now get a move on!"
Jazzie led Bombalurina to a small room with a leather examining couch situated next to what looked like a large, whirring machine with a computer screen and a keypad. Bombalurina looked at it suspiciously.
"Pop yourself on ze couch, please," Jazzie instructed, then noticed Bombalurina's reluctance.
"It's ok," she assured her. "Zis won't hurt!"
Munkustrap gave Bombalurina a delicate shove towards the couch. "Go on!" He encouraged. "I'm sure it's perfectly safe! Your son built it!"
"That's what worries me," Bombalurina muttered as she lay herself down.
"Zis might feel a bit cold," Jazzie warned her and squeezed some clear, slippery gel out of a tube directly onto the Russet queen's white belly, rubbing it in really well so that it was completely soaked.
Then she pressed a few buttons with direction from Mistoffelees and placed the plastic probe, which was attached to the machine by a wire, onto Bombalurina's belly. All eyes were on the screen. Breaths were held all round. And at first, nothing appeared apart from a grey smudge. "I am pregnant, aren't I?" Bombalurina fretted.
"Hang on. Bare wiz me," Jazzie said apologetically. "I am new to zis!"
Then, as she moved the probe around, wriggling, pulsing blobs materialised out of the grey shadows. Bombalurina gasped and grabbed Munkustrap's paw. "I see them!" She whispered.
"Phew! You're not just fat then!" He chuckled. "Ow!"
She gave him a sideways look. "There's more where that came from, Mister!" She growled.
"I can confirm," Jazzie informed Bombalurina and Munkustrap whilst choosing to ignore their antics. "Zat you have two kittens, but I can only find one heartbeat. I'm afraid one of your kittens has died and ze pain is your body getting rid of him."
"Him?" asked Munkustrap.
"Yes," said Jazzie sadly. "It was a little boy."
"What about the other one?" asked Bombalurina desperately.
"It seems healssy," said Jazzie, taking a look. "I've done some measurements and it is a good size, is moving about. Do you want to know what is it?"
"Please," Bombalurina whispered.
"See for yourself," said Jazzie, moving the screen so that Bombalurina could see it better. "Do you see her? She's waving at us!"
Bombalurina looked at the screen in amazement. "Wow, what is that?" she askedis with fascination, straining to make out the shapes through the grey fuzz. It was like a steriogram.
"Zat is your baby!" Jazzie told her, smiling. "A little girl."
Tears sprang into Bombalurina's eyes. "No way!" She breathed. "My little girl? Can she see me?"
"No, but she might be able to hear you," Jazzie informed her. "So she'll probably like it if you talk to her or if you sing a regular song, chances are she will recognise it after she is born."
"She'll come out singing 'Macavity!' then!" Mistoffelees piped up.
A single tear slid out of the corner of Bombalurina's eye. She wiped it away and then looked up at Munkustrap. He was strangely quiet. "Munkustrap? Are you ok?" She asked.
"Yep!" He jumped, sniffed and quickly rubbed his eye with the back of his paw.
"Only, it looks like you're crying," she said suspiciously.
"No no! Just...got something in my eye!" He denied.
She made eye contact with everyone else and winked. "Ha! Look at you trying to act all tough!" She teased. "You're just a big softy really, aren't you!"
"I am not!" He retorted.
"Bombalurina. I can confirm zat you are suffering from mild pre eclampsia," Jazzie told the Red Somali later on.
"What's that?" The russet queen asked, somewhat alarmed. "Is it serious?"
"Your blood pressure is high and I found protein in your urine," Jazzie explained. "Ze PH in your blood is also higher zan it should be. Potentially it can cause deass in both mozzer and baby, if left untreated. Sankfully ze treatment is tres simple. I am going to administer you wiz an intravenous injection of calcium gluconate and also one of phosphorus and vitamin D. I am also going to prescribe bed rest."
"What!?" Exclaimed Bombalurina. "For how long?"
"I would like to keep you under close observation until your kitten is born," Jazzie continued. "Sree weeks."
"Three weeks?!" Wailed Bombalurina. "But my salon-!"
"Don't fret Bombi!" Munkustrap cut in. "Iphy said she'd sort it. She seems like the dependable sort."
"We don't want anything to happen to our daughter, do we? Or you for that matter," he sternly reminded her.
"No, I suppose not," She huffed. "This is all your fault!"
"Er...excuse me?" Munkustrap replied, taken aback. "All my fault-?"
"Let's not get into zis shall we," Jazzie interrupted. "Munkustrap, I need to speak wiz you, please."
"Oh. Sure-" Munkustrap nodded and was about to get a seat for her.
"In private!" She said sharply.
"Does it have to be-?" he started to ask.
"Now!"
He looked puzzled. "Ok," he said.
"Follow me please!"
Munkustrap looked at Bombalurina and shrugged. "Don't go anywhere!" He warned her. "I'll be right back."
"Of course you will!" She winked.
He looked even more puzzled. "And what's that supposed to-?"
"Munkustrap!" Jazzie yelled impatiently. "Allez allez!" *1
Munkustrap sighed and rolled his eyes. "Alright! I'm coming! Bast!"
Bombalurina chortled after him. "You're in trouble now, handsome!"
Still wondering what on Earth she could possibly want, he reluctantly followed Jazzie down to her lab. She calmly shut the door and then stood with her back towards it facing him, looking a little awkward. He gazed back, waiting for her to speak.
"So? How are you?" She began, looking sympathetic.
He sighed heavily and looked down at the floor. If he'd had pockets he probably would have put his paws into them. "These things happen," he stated.
"You are ozzerwise well zough, no?" she pressed.
"Yes." He nodded and looked up at her. "You?"
She smiled. "You'll be pleased to know zat awful sick feeling is not as bad," she told him. "I still feel it, but…"
She came towards him. His arms seemed to open automatically and enfold themselves around her slender frame which, he was pleased to see, had already started to fill out a little. She pressed herself against him while he buried his nose into her soft shoulder. "I've missed you," he whispered quietly.
In reply, she looked up and kissed him,
"Fire and ice
This love is like fire and ice
This love is like rain and blue skies
This love is like sun on the rise
This love got me rolling the dice
Don't let me lose
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
Beautiful mind
Your heart got a story with mine
Your heart got me hurting at times
Your heart gave me new kind of highs
Your heart got me feeling so fine
So what to do
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
It took us a while
With every breath a new day
With love on the line
We've had our share of mistakes
But all your flaws and scars are mine
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
I'm in
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do
I'm still falling for you
Brighter than gold
This love shining brighter than gold
This love is like letters in bold
This love is like out of control
This love is never growing old
You make it new
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
It took us a while
'Cause we were young and unsure
With love on the line
What if we both would need more
But all your flaws and scars are mine
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
Still falling for you
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
I'm in
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do
Still falling for you
Falling, crash into my arms
Love you like this
Like a first kiss
Never let go
Falling, crash into my arms
Never breaking what we got
Still falling for you
Still falling for
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
I'm in
And just like that
All I breathe
All I feel
You are all for me
All for me
And just like that
All I feel is you
All I feel is you
You are all for me
I'm still falling
And just like that
All I feel is you
All I feel is you
You are all for me
No one can lift me, catch me the way that you do
I'm still falling for you."
(Still Falling For You by Ellie Goulding)
"So am I," He replied and kissed her back.
Within the next heartbeat, and showing surprising strength for a cat so small, she shoved him backwards onto the work bench, knocking over glass beakers full of coloured liquids balanced on tripods and test tubes in wooden holders, causing them to roll off the table and smash. His eyes widened. Had she gone mad? He'd always had his suspicions... "Jazzie! What are you-?!"
"Don't worry about it," Jazzie reassured him destractedly at seeing his alarmed expression. "It was an experiment zat went wrong, I-I shall clean up later-"
"But-!"
She quelled any further protests by smothering him with kisses and holding him down when he tried to get back up (not that he was putting up a whole lot of resistance mind you!) Then she climbed on top of him.
He gasped. "Jazz!" he managed to blurt out between kisses. "Are you quite sure this is a-?"
"Positive."
"Yes but-!"
"Ze kittens will be fine," she bluntly informed him.
"But, how can you be sure-?" He looked unconvinced.
She sat up and fixed him with a hard stare. "I am pregnant!" She growled. "And I haven't seen you for FOUR WEEKS! Are you telling me zat you don't want to do zis?"
He quickly shook his head. "Nope."
"Good," she calmed as though that had been the correct thing to say. "Zen shut up and make love to me!"
It was a rather bemused, but happy Silver Bengcoon that wandered back to the general ward. He was pleased to see the Somali Queen was now lying in a bed reading a magazine entitled Furrcare Weekly: keeping you up to date with the latest trends! And was looking thoroughly fed up as though she hadn't gotten into it voluntarily. "I'm back," he quietly announced.
"Oh!" she exclaimed, with only a hint of sarcasm. "How was your 'discussion'?" She mimed inverted commas using her fingers.
"Yep. Good," he replied, somewhat vaguely. He did seem rather preoccupied.
"So? What was it about?" she prompted whilst sweetly batting her eyelids.
"Can't remember," he said, shrugging.
She tutted. "Typical!"
*1 Come on!