The next shift came and went, but no one asked him to leave. Other ninjas visited – Gai had many friends, and they left flowers, stuffed animals, cards. Most of them tried to comfort Kakashi, but he barely spoke to them, preferring silence. Talking made him feel raw inside.

Gai came around slowly, and 6 hours later Sakura found Kakashi still sitting in his room.

"How long have you been here?" she asked.

"Since he got out of surgery," Kakashi said. "I'm surprised I haven't seen you sooner."

"Sensei, I've been in here twice," Sakura said. "You have to go home and sleep. He might still be days before he's coherent. I thought you just didn't want to talk, but you must be dangerously exhausted if you didn't even notice me."

Gai's eyelids twitched, and his half open eyes rolled slightly.

"I'll stay," Kakashi said. "Every moment is precious, and I won't lose any of them."

"It's been over a day since we got home," Sakura said. "Have you even eaten?"

"Sakura, I don't need a Mother."

Sakura left, but she came back shortly afterwards with a sandwich. "At least eat," she said.

He listlessly took a bite of the flavorless turkey sandwich and chewed slowly.

"More than that," Sakura said when he sat the sandwich on the bedside table.

"Later," Kakashi said.

"This is a bad enough situation, and one of the side effects of blood pills is depression. Gai wouldn't want you to do this to yourself."

Kakashi didn't bother replying.

"He's almost this bad when you're injured," Sakura said.

"I wish it was me on that bed instead of him," Kakashi said. "He never did anything to anyone. He doesn't deserve this."

"You don't either," Sakura said.

"Just let me have this," Kakashi said. "I know you outrank me here, but I'll never forgive myself if I'm not here when he needs me for the last time."

"I have rounds to make. If you eat at least half of that sandwich before I come back you can stay," Sakura said.

He picked up the dry sandwich and chewed dutifully, waiting until Sakura left to throw the rest into the bathroom trash, tearing off a bit and leaving it on the plate so she would assume he ate the rest.

His stomach cramped, but he ignored it. As day turned into night his body gave into exhaustion despite his will, and he slumped forward in the seat.

When Gai woke he viewed the world through a curtain of pain and drugs. He managed to hit the morphine button, and awareness faded again.

A few hours later he woke enough to recognize a slumped form in the chair by the bed.

"Kakashi?" he asked, his voice scratchy and quiet.

Kakashi woke instantly. "Gai? It's about time you woke up, lazy bones."

Gai was too out of it to notice the forced cheerfulness in Kakashi's tone, or the pale countenance or bloodshot eye. Kakashi got him a glass of water, but he hesitated.

Can he even drink anymore? He wondered. He called the nurse instead and moved back so she could work on Gai.

"Wait outside please," the nurse said.

Kakashi stepped outside and leaned against the wall, listening to the sounds inside. The days of injuries and mistreating his body caught up to him, and his knees felt weak. His field of vision narrowed, and he found himself looking through a tunnel.

He heard a voice far away, and someone pressed something into his hand, and then raised it to his lips. The sharp tang of orange juice pulled him to, and he found himself sitting on the floor with a nurse kneeling in front of him with a cup of juice and a hand on his shoulder holding him upright against the wall. Naruto stood behind her.

"Sir? Can you hear me?" she asked.

"Yes." He stood, shaky but unassisted.

"I've seen this before. You haven't rested since your friend was hurt, have you?"

She turned to Naruto. "Take him down to the cafeteria and get him to eat," she said, "and I don't want to see him back here for at least 8 hours."

Kakashi walked slowly to the cafeteria, flanked by a worried Naruto. He sat heavily at a café table while Naruto ordered and then ate a few bites of oatmeal. His hand shook visibly, and he nodded off over the oatmeal.

After about half a bowl and several times when Naruto had to shake his arm slightly to keep him from falling asleep in his oatmeal, Naruto allowed him to stop.

He walked Kakashi back to the waiting room closest to Gai's room, with Kakashi silently allowing himself to be led.

"You can't do this to yourself," Naruto said. "You've been injured in a long battle, had a blood pill, sat up with Gai for who knows how long, and I can tell you haven't eaten or slept in forever."

Kakashi sat on one of the larger chairs and leaned back, trying to find a comfortable position. His head fell to the side and his body slumped again. Only years of practice sleeping in awkward positions on missions kept him from sliding off the chair.

Naruto sighed. "What am I going to do with you?"

Kakashi woke later with Naruto sitting nearby, reading an out of date hunting magazine.

"How long was I out?" he asked.

"A couple of hours," Naruto said.

Kakashi sat up straight. "Gai…"

"He's stable," Naruto said. "The nurse said he's out of danger, for now. Sakura and Tsunade operated on him, and there are no better doctors in the world. You know that."

"Yeah," Kakashi said. "They are the best."

"So you can go home now," Naruto said.

"Let me check on him one more time," Kakashi said.

Gai met him with a weak smile. "It looks like I might just live to spar again."

Kakashi glanced at the lump that covered Gai's ruined body. "As soon as you're out," Kakashi said. "Can't let you sit around getting bored, can I?"

Gai laughed, a quiet weak sound compared to his usual braying guffaw. His eyes drooped.

"I'll let you rest," Kakashi said. "I'll be back."

He finally left the hospital. It felt like his house was a million miles away, and by the time he'd walked the mile home his feet felt like lead. He fell face first onto his bed without even removing his shoes and was sleeping in seconds.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Ibiki opened the door to Sasuke's cell and looked at the degenerate. He'd been healed, but he had three long scars crossing his face diagonally from near his left temple to under his right eye. His eyes were the worst. The healers hadn't bothered with his appearance; that was certain. Someone had slashed through both of his eyes with one powerful swipe, cutting deep and wide. Dark holes where his eyes had been haunted whoever had the misfortune to see him.

The once handsome nose was off center from Sakura's punch, and Sasuke's jaw was slightly crooked, giving him a rough look. If he hadn't been blind he would have fit in as a dock worker, not the elite ninja he had been.

Sasuke looked up, not at Ibiki but forward. "Who's there?" he asked.

Ibiki leaned against the wall and crossed his arms, smirking at the discomfort he knew he was causing Sasuke.

"Fine," Sasuke said. "It doesn't matter, does it?"

I wish they'd let me at him, Ibiki thought. He closed the door, leaving Sasuke alone in the dark even though Sasuke didn't know.

Two officers brought Sasuke basic rations and water. One stood guard outside the cell while the other unbound one hand.

Sasuke ate silently and let them bind him. He wasn't worried. It was only a matter of time before the police slipped up and he escaped. They were Konoha ninjas after all, weak and sloppy. Most of the police force were Chunin level or lower.

"I wish we could mess that face up some more," one of the guards said.

"Ibiki wants him recognizable. There's going to be a public execution, and he wants everyone to see him."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Tsunade frowned over Gai's chart and tapped a pencil on it absentmindedly. "It might work," she muttered.

She stepped to the nearest nurses' station. "Summon Inoichi Yamanaka. Tell him to drop whatever he's doing and get over here."

"Gai, we have an option that I haven't discussed, because it's a long shot. I need to consult someone first, but don't give up hope."

"Hope is no longer necessary," Gai said. "I've made my peace with what's happening."

"Don't give up just yet," she said.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When the door opened to his cell, Sasuke sniffed. He'd been working on using his sense of smell to identify the people around him, and so far he could tell his regular guard from other visitors. The regular guy smelled slightly of stale cigarette smoke – cheap cigarettes at that.

This could work, Sasuke thought. They wouldn't expect him to be able to fight, but he'd practiced fighting blindfolded at times, to help himself depend on his hearing rather than his sight. He'd never planned to need the training to deal with blindness, but if he could escape and get far enough North he could find a doctor and get an eye transplant. Losing the Sharingan was going to be difficult in the extreme, but he could worry about that later.

His hopes faded when the mingled scent of sweat and iron met him, mixed with a faint undertone of blood.

Fuck. It's that Ibiki, Sasuke thought. He'd already decided that Ibiki was one of the people he was least likely to confuse. He'd thrown out that fake confused "who's there?" routine to keep Ibiki from knowing how alert he was, but he didn't think he'd get far with it. Better to wait for a less experienced guard.

Someone else entered the cell, someone clean smelling, with the faint scent of strawberry shampoo. A woman, Sasuke thought. Fuck. Kunoichi were less predictable than male ninjas in his opinion.

He couldn't smell the third person. Good to know, he thought. Apparently there was a low limit to his abilities, at least for the time being.

"Just like you practiced," Ibiki said. "No need to be nervous. He's helpless, aren't you Sasuke?"

He'd expect me to bait him, Sasuke thought. "I'm not as helpless as you think," Sasuke said.

Ibiki's deep laugh infuriated him. "I'll see you all dead yet," Sasuke said. "Just wait and see."

His hands were unbound, and he fell forward, feigning weakness. He expected the ninja to stop his fall, but he was allowed to slip forward onto the ground. If he'd been standing instead of sitting he probably would have broken a few bones.

More professional than I thought, Sasuke thought.

"Careful!" Ibiki said. "Tsunade wants him uninjured!"

Sasuke listened, trying to determine their position. Ibiki was in front of him, and there was a ninja binding his arms behind his back after wrapping his fingers tightly with duct tape so that he couldn't cast any jutsus. Shuffling feet gave away the third man's position. The Kunoichi seemed to move around the cell, never staying in one place for long.

That one is either nervous or the type who won't stand still, Sasuke thought.

The Kunoichi lifted him roughly to his feet, and he feigned a slight weakness, as if he stumbled. A kunai against the back of his neck let him know that she meant business.

"March," she said, and he cursed his luck again. He didn't recognize the voice, but it was harsh and mature, an angry Kunoichi, probably an experienced war veteran.

As soon as they stepped out of the police station and into the fresh air he felt the cold winter air and smelled the tang of a town after rain.

Voices of the townspeople quickly grew into a crowd, murmuring at first, and then growing louder as a crowd formed.

"Traitor!"

"Murderer!"

Various other shouts of rage and derision reached him. He held his head high. No Uchiha would bow before this filth. Itachi should have just let the clan butcher them.

The voices grew louder, and someone jostled him. Something wet hit him on the face, dung from the smell of it.

"Enough!"Ibiki yelled. "You'll have your chance to do this when he's executed. We're taking him to be experimented on. No point in having him go to his death without giving back to Konoha."

The crowd liked that answer.

"That's right!" a man yelled.

"Torture him!" another yelled.

So much for loving, kind Konoha, Sasuke thought. This must be killing Naruto. I wonder if he's crying over the hidden viciousness of his village.

He knew the hospital immediately. Nothing smelled like a hospital.

The people around him expressed themselves in hushed, frightened tones. The Kunoichi behind him prodded him in the back with the kunai. "Keep going," she said.

He was directed into a room and tied to a bed. He almost decided to fight his way out, but he knew that it wasn't time, not with Ibiki and the Kunoichi there. He didn't think the other guard had come with them, but it didn't matter. Two experienced ninjas against one blind one – it was insane odds.

I can wait, he thought. It was, after all, only a matter of time.

He heard the sharp click of high heels, and the strong smell of perfume hit him, cloying and sweet.

A hooker? He thought. What the hell?

As she stepped closer the smell grew stronger. Her hand turned his face, and he felt the tips of long, manicured nails on his cheeks.

"Leave two guards at all times," she said. "One on the outside and one inside. Both experienced ninjas of course."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Ibiki said.

Sasuke couldn't help but laugh, and it got away from him. All of his stress suddenly released itself in a howling, hysterical storm of laughter.

"I'll have him sedated," Tsunade said after he finished.

"Oh my god," Sasuke said. "You're the Hokage? I smelled that perfume and thought you were a whore!"

He heard the Kunoichi move.

"Anko put the weapon away!" Tsunade said. "I want him unharmed."

Tsunade patted his cheek. "You'll regret that, Sasuke. Wait until you find out what I have planned for you."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"I have to leave for a mission," Kakashi told Gai. "They need me specifically. Apparently my talents are necessary."

"That's what happens," Gai said.

"I'll try to be back before…" He met Gai's eyes, and his smile faltered. "Before they let you go," he finished.

"Kakashi…"

"I had a few things I wanted to talk with you about," Kakashi said. "Don't really have time now, with the mission coming up, but when I get back…"

He looked away, unable to keep his composure if he kept his eyes on Gai's ruined body.

"I don't know what Tsunade-sama has planned," Gai said, "but she said it's a long shot. I think that if you need to tell me anything you should do it before you leave. I might not be here when you get back."

Kakashi had to look down and clear his throat before he continued. "Gai, let me believe. I can't picture life without you."

"Then believe, but I'm ready for what's next, and I don't have hope for this life."

"I've been thinking about that night a few years ago after Asuma's birthday party."

"Ah," Gai said. "We were both drunk. I thought you had forgotten."

"As if I could," Kakashi said. "Maybe if I didn't take the cowardly way out things could have been different."

"How were you a coward?" Gai asked.

"I wish I had said yes."

"It's a little late for that now," Gai said.

"I know. It's just something I've been thinking about lately." An alarm chimed on his watch and he sighed. "I have to go."

He leaned forward, putting one arm over Gai, and carefully making sure not to disturb him, he kissed him, taking care not to jostle his injury. He heard the hospital monitors respond as Gai's heart rate quickened, and he deepened the kiss, sliding his tongue between Gai's lips and then inside his mouth. As their tongues met Gai put an arm around Kakashi's back, trying to pull him closer, but Kakashi held back. He was afraid to do anything that might cause more injury.

"I should have said yes," Kakashi said.

It hurt Gai that Kakashi looked so miserable when he pulled away.

"Don't be sad on my account," Gai said. "It's enough that I know."

Kakashi adjusted his mask. "Just…remember me."

Such expressive eyes, Gai thought for the hundredth time, as Kakashi's misery showed even with the miniscule amount of face that the mask allowed him to see.

Naruto stopped him on the way out of the hospital. He and Sai had a bouquet of green roses with the Yamanaka logo.

"We're going to visit Gai-Sensei," Naruto said. "How is he?"

"He didn't say Yosh once," Kakashi said, "or anything about youth or stupid challenges. He's very serious and quiet. I've never seen him like this."

"He'll be back to his old self before you know it," Naruto said.

"I have to leave for a mission. I know it will be at least a few days, possibly more. I'd feel better if I knew you were looking after him for me. Neither of us have family, so I'd like to know someone was here in my place."

"I'll do that Sensei," Naruto said. "You can count on me."

"I know I can," Kakashi said.

He packed quickly. It should be a quick in-and-out mission, once they reached their destination, and he needed to travel fast and light. The travel would take most of the time, and he resented each mile that would take him from Gai.

He looked into the mirror, seeing the dark bags under his eyes, and the way his uniform hung more loosely on him than it had just a couple weeks before.

I've lost weight, he thought. I can't let this distract me on my mission, or I might not come home.

He knew he couldn't turn off his emotions like he should, not now. His training wouldn't be enough to overcome his grief. He was still exhausted from the previous mission, and he needed all the focus he could find.

There was an old trick that he knew that he'd used a few times, but it was risky, and he didn't want to do it. He didn't see how he had much choice though.

When he'd been younger, in his ANBU years, a mission had gone badly, and he and his partner, an older ANBU that had worn the RAT mask at the time, had found themselves in a bad predicament. They had been forced to hide in an abandoned building, pushing far back inside. It had been a hotel, and they were able to find a room that was barely accessible, so that they could avoid the possibility of accidental discovery by squatters.

He had to help his partner over the rubble of a fallen hallway, and the older man's leg injury meant he would be slow-moving and almost useless in a fight.

He was only 16, and his heart beat faster every time he heard the slightest noise. The sound of mice in the walls, what was left of the building settling, even the occasional small bits of concrete and wood falling from the disturbed rubble made his grip his kunai tighter and use his over-worked Sharingan to look for enemies.

"Calm down kid," RAT had said. "We're going to be here for awhile. You need to be able to push your emotions aside at times like this. I've seen you do it before."

But it was too much. The mission had been long, they had lost two men, and they had enemies looking for them.

"I'm going to teach you something to help you," RAT had said, "but you shouldn't use this unless it's necessary. Find a piece of mirror."

Kakashi had brought him a bit of broken mirror from the bathroom, and the old man had taught him one of the most dangerous, self-harming jutsus he'd ever known.

Years later when Kakashi looked into the mirror before his mission he knew he needed RAT's training again, and he committed to the jutsu.

It wasn't so much a jutsu as a psychological technique. He looked deep into his own eye and began to chant a meditation mantra. He thought about the darker things he'd done in ANBU when he'd had to push himself to his physical and mental limits, focusing on the feeling of breaking away from himself, that moment when emotion and fear of consequences lost all meaning during the necessity for action. He allowed his own droning voice to pull him into hypnosis.

He felt it, the stark darkness that had been in his own soul, the strength that had pushed him through illness and injury for that last kill, that extra mile, that bit of self-surgery necessary for survival during the worst missions.

Everything seemed clear, simple, honest and accessible. Only one thing mattered – the mission. Gai and Naruto were nothing more than valued comrades. Gone was the teacher, pillar of the community, oftentimes pervert and caring friend. Hatake Kakashi was no more.

Hatake Kakashi had looked into the mirror to find within himself what he needed to survive. He stared into the void, and INU the killer stared back.