Chapter Fifty
Love Lockdown
Athazagoraphobia;
The fear of forgetting, or the fear of being forgotten or ignored, by the ones you care about.
As was the case with important high-society ladies, Evelyn was fashionably late. Heather smiled tightly, envying the ten thousand dollars black Versace long-sleeved jumpsuit, paired with a row of Cartier bracelets on the wrists. Just the set could buy off this entire apartment. Her eyes flashed upon beholding newest fuchsia Birkin bag, with a one year wait-list.
Oblivious of the attention, the elegant woman strolled in, carefully seizing the apartment with a practiced eye.
''We gave a leave to our maids,'' Heather hid the embarrassed scowl at the scrutiny, well aware there was little to be hid from her guests's experience - at least regarding the upkeep of a high household. The lie easily rolled off her tongue, for they were forced to dismiss their last maid months ago. Mrs. Pollock beckoned her to sit on a velvety emerald sofa where Elle sat just minutes ago, making an apologetic face. ''We would have loved to have lunch outside, but, unfortunately, you know in what delicate state my daughter is at the moment.''
Seeing Evelyn paid the lunch last time they went out, it was their turn to settle the bill. It was a travesty, they simply couldn't afford that range of restaurants anymore. This visit had cost them enough already, it would be an utter failure of manners and reputation to place their poverty on a full display.
In that moment, Elle showed up in one of her flowery sundresses. Evelyn's stoic face finally took a change and she regarded her beauty with a smile, for some reason satisfied. ''I'm so glad you have decided to stay in The States. It was for the best.''
''It was a hard decision,'' Heather added importantly, taking her daughter's hand and guiding her to sit on an adjacent seat. Her uneven lips, a consequence of once meddling with fillers at a shady clinic in New Mexico, pulled into a tight smile as she inspected her daughter had forgone lipstick - most vital part of the make-up. She grasped the young, spotless hand tightly, mutely showing her absolute disappointment. ''But the doctors had advised us the distance to Europe would be too dangerous to bear after all.''
''I have come to see how Elizabeth is doing, and to share some news,'' Evelyn said after acknowledging the information with a nod, not even aware of the blatant lie. She leaned over, eyes sparkling with delight. ''Which I believe you will find as agreeable as I did.''
''Blair had left Charles.'' Evelyn declared loud and clear, her polite smiled finally pulling up to a smug grin. Ladies gasped, looking at each other in wonder.
''My son is all alone,'' She went on, eyes glinting with peculiar spark. ''With Blair gone, he would need a gentle hand to hold him. Someone to help him get through these hard times. Someone he can rely on.''
With the last line, all eyes turned on the grey-eyed girl that cluelessly stared back at them.
''They didn't let you in?'' Nate asked as he shut the doors of his car and locked it,a bag of Chinese takeout swinging in other hand.
''No.'' Chuck quietly answered as he tore off his gaze from window where Blair had slept last night. Pensive look on his face quickly dissipated into well-rehearsed inscrutability. He was sitting on hood of his car with arms crossed, freshly shaved. Onyx hair was once again styled neat and the suit tailored only this morning. In his hands was a mint colored box of Ladurée, filled with Blair's favorite macarons. Marie Antoinette was a mix of black tea from China, rose petals, citrus fruit and honey. ''I didn't come in yet.''
For the past hour, he had been contemplating on how to approach his wife. Thinking about yesterday was like remembering a vivid nightmare, blurred with mad delirium. This was one fucked up mess he made, Chuck admitted after managing to get couple of hours of sleep. He knew he couldn't afford to try to win her back with desperation. Blair hated desperation. She hated being left with no choice.
They needed to talk.
His best friend pursed his lips. ''She may not want to see you.''
''I'll leave then.'' Chuck answered readily, though his guts clenched at the thought.
Nate regarded him and the dark, hooded eyes. There was something simmering behind them. Something locked up. Chuck blinked, and the flicker was gone. Purposefully, his mouth drew into a tight, reassuring smile. Today, with absence of delirium, he knew exactly what to do to persuade his best to let him in. ''Please.''
With a tight nod, Nate signaled Chuck to follow him. Serena opened the doors and didn't try to block him as Chuck thought she might do. He relaxed just a bit, seeing this as a good sign.
''Can you please let Blair know that I'm here,'' He quietly asked, peering up from under his lashes. ''I'd just like to talk, if that's okay with her.''
Serena shook her head wistfully, shiny mane falling against her shoulders in a cascade of golden waterfalls. ''Blair left.''
He snapped his head up, that icy dread from yesterday crawling up his chest and starting to infest space between his ribs. He pulled on his collar, trying to calm himself down, trying to maintain the submissive stance. He forced out, ''Where?''
Was Serena lying?
''Serena, where? She has nowhere to go.''
Why did she let her? Where else could Blair go? Besides Chuck, Blair had no one.
''Where is she?!'' He slammed the palm against the doors after Serena didn't say anything. The Ladurée box was on the floor and Nate immediately put a hand on his chest. Not to subdue him, Chuck noted. But to keep him out.
If Blair was on the run, she would never be caught. If Blair wanted to be hidden, she would never be found. And Chuck - well, he would never stop looking for her.
He glanced at Serena and the horror on her face had him stepping back. ''I - I'm sorry.''
''I don't know where she went,'' She frowned, glancing at Nate. ''She asked me to bring her my charger from my bedroom, but when I got back she was gone. I swear.''
Blair was returning books, shelfing them back.
Just as she put away the last one, a hand struck out and circled around her forearm. Upon reflex, shot of fear went through her. Sensing the sudden tensity of muscles underneath layers of clothes, the tanned hand carefully uncurled and a warm, but tranquil smile greeted her. ''Sorry, I was calling you but you didn't seem to hear me.''
The bluest of the blue.
She could recognize that color of the summer sky anywhere.
Blair found herself too surprised to utter a word. They watched each other in silence, not steering from the deep iris. It'd been months since she last saw him. He seemed to have aged years in that short amount of time.
What was troubling him so?
She wondered, but then quickly remembered it was not her place to do so. Not anymore. She herself made sure of it.
''I'm not going to prod,'' Morelli was gracious enough, despite what transpired between them in the past. Despite her rejection. Despite her abandonment of any relationship they had. As if, by the sole power of his good grace, they were once again friends. An unlikely duo. Friendship she did but little to deserve. ''Are you okay? Where are you staying?''
She couldn't remember the last time someone asked her if she was okay. The saddening realization stunned her.
''Your brother told me,'' He answered, misinterpreting her silence.
''I'm staying in the dorm room,'' Blair replied, taking her time to get a better look at him. Despite the smile which he wore right now, his blue eyes lost the brightness it once possessed. His forehead was never this marred with lines, showcasing worries that had now lay untold, somewhere in the depths of his chest. He even let out a beard, as if not bothered to shave anymore, which only boosted already perfect symmetry of his face.
''I'm doing okay.'' Reply rolled off her tongue slowly while her mind questioned; What has happened to you?
''Do you need something?'' He offered warmly, with such sincerity it touched her heart. It's been a while since someone was this comforting with her, she nearly forgot what was it like to be treated like a human. And yet, she had been so wrapped up in her own universe that Blair completely disregarded people that wanted nothing but to be there for her.
Now, she was timid in offering back the kindness which he so always generously bestowed upon her.
''No, thanks.'' Words went out rasped as something in her throat swelled. She cleared it and shrugged her shoulders. ''I'm looking for a job right now.''
''You really are determined,'' He nodded and she found herself pleased upon perceiving note of pride in his gentle smile. ''It will be hard, but you made the right choice.''
Morelli had always recognized ambition in her. Ambition and a talent for the greatness. Maybe, a thought sprang up in her mind, maybe it was a mistake to push him away. They regarded each other and old sentiments sprang up - rising like flowers do underneath the cover of snow.
''Chuck is the Management club.'' He spoke after a pause, watching her. ''He has been waiting for you for a while now.''
At the mention of his name, Blair's eyes widened on their own accord. The heart picked up the pace. A reflex of her soul. She had been avoiding Chuck, yet it seemed as if he was persistent in haunting her. His face appeared in crowds. His voice was in the soft murmurs while she waited in lines for coffee in the morning. At night, she thought she heard him call her.
''You're to hand in your project next week.''
''I know,'' She lied, completely forgetting the thing. School, once top priority, fell down the scale and her forsaken ambition boiled within her. Perfectionist in her laughed maniacally, demanding to know how was she to ace this paper that was abandoned weeks ago. It was impossible.
Blair shrugged the bitch off.
Dissatisfied frown drew up across her face and Morelli grinned in mild amusement, reading her all-too-well. The image of his pearly-white beam flushed her with peculiar coziness, providing sense of safety, giving her a breath of forgotten ease. She remembered the days spent on elegant Vero yacht, the feeling of salty breeze running through her hair and the warmth of sun on her skin.
''I'll be around,'' Ed said, as if remembering the same days.
If you need help, his penetrating eyes said, I'll be here for you.
Blair nodded gratefully, her heart drumming against her chest. She watched Morelli go and inhaled deeply, trying to calm herself. She didn't expect to see Chuck this soon. First class was an hour away. It was too early. Yet, the meeting was inevitable. This was her test of strength. Was she to enter the club and face her husband, or go the other way and keep ignoring him thus persevering her sanity?
''Blair...'' Her name rolled off his tongue the moment she opened the doors of the club and she vividly remembered his chocolate-dipped fingers feeding her strawberries, mouthing her name against skin of her neck. Pausing for a second, she forced herself to remember the sharp sting of his hand on her face.
The memory was enough to recover her cool. It was amazing not to be a slave to her deep, turbulent feelings anymore. Finally, she was in control. Blair resumed her purpose-filled walk; back straight, shoulders squared. But just like the whisperings of the sleepless nights, his voice lured her to him.
''I'm here for the project.'' The cut was swift and simple. Blair flinched away from his hand that trembled the closer it got to her, digging her nails in the skin. Her fingers ached to touch him, to intertwine themselves with his and she resented them. Love was a deadly habit.
''Where were you tonight?'' He pressed and though she did not look at him, his voice dripped with fear and concern. He was scared.
''Dorm room.''
She could hear him scoff; a disgusting, bourgeois reaction that escaped him. She glanced at him, irked and offended. Chuck nearly rolled his eyes, but one sharp movement of her hand cut him short.
''Spare me.'' She lashed out, feigning confidence and piercing him with a stern look. ''I don't want to talk, unless it's about the project.''
''I don't care about the damn project!'' He took a step closer. The air vibrated with same powerful magnetism that had them drawn together in the first place. Heavy magic, as old as men, pulled invisible threads attached to their deepest cores, and reminded them they were bound to each other. Blair resisted it, feeling her heart tugged painfully, and it took all strength she possessed to move a step back.
''What are you going to say?'' Blair interrupted lowly, raising her left eyebrow in mockery. ''That you didn't mean to do it? You're sorry? You don't know how it happened? That it won't happen again? Is there anything else to add?''
He stared a her, speechless and taken aback with caged anger that brimmed from tips of her fingers, tips of her hair. How nonchalant did her words sound, how indifferent she was to the pain he set her through.
''None of those things explain how ashamed and miserable I feel.'' He replied quietly, slowly, looking straight at her.
''Great.'' Blair looked away, for his shame burned her as if it was her own, his misery struck her as if she herself gave birth to it. But it was too late. ''I don't care anymore.''
''I don't know when or what came over me-'' He went on, sucking in his lips.
''I do!'' She snapped, her chest roaring with burning fire, doe eyes full of flaming hell. ''I said what I meant and you couldn't handle it. I hurt your gigantic, humongous pride. So you took it out on me.''
''On me.'' She vigorously pointed at her chest, ''Your wife.''
He gulped heavily at the disgust Blair put into saying the word wife - a title to be honored, treasured, and placed above all. It hurt. He was trying so hard not to sound like a textbook abuser, and he was sorely aware of failing spectacularly. Alcohol, his father, inheritance, Elle and the baby - there was no excuse to be given, yet he helplessly flapped like a fish on dry land.
''Stay away from me for a while, understood?'' She fired without mercy and seeing Chuck had no intention of working on the project, Blair left the club, determined to finish it up in her dorm room.
''I want each room to have a unique interior design,'' Diana explained while group of suited men trailed behind her, taking notes. ''I want more light and more colors in the lobby, as well as the restaurant.''
''And of'course,'' She added with a smug grin, ''My office is of high criticality. Let's make it minimalistic with a center piece. I was thinking Andy Warhol?''
As she sauntered down the grand lobby in the newest Gucci coral sheath dress, two main managers lingered behind. Diana was too invested and absorbed in the attention and importance she was currently receiving to notice such misconduct.
''Oh dear Lord,'' One of them muttered, pinching the bridge of his sweaty nose. ''She is going to raid the entire hotel.''
''I don't know how,'' The other shook her head in disbelief, staring down at her notepad and endless list of alleged changes this hotel was supposedly to undergone. ''That means entire renovation. Yet the season is right at the doors, our guests are flying in. It can't be done.''
Her colleague nodded in agreement and Shelley, for that was her name, took one look at Diana. The woman was so far good at handling the publicity of the hotel, but this was an entirely different ordeal. This wasn't a charity gala, where all you had to do was show up glammed up and charm the pants of the investors. This was something to be consulted with an entire board of managers; there is budget to be discussed, funds set up, an entire protocol which wife of late Mr. Spark completely disregarded.
Shelley needed to put a stop to this. It would bring Millennium to ruin and endanger so many work places.
''Mrs. Sparks,'' Shelley called out as the crowd of suits dispersed, walking with determination and ignoring her colleague's alarmed look. ''Can I have a word?''
''Certainly.'' Diana replied, fixing her airy smile of arrogant superiority which Shelley despised.
''I must note, renovations are not the best idea for Millennium Hotel at the moment,'' Senior manager spoke with grave seriousness. ''After all, the hotel had been designed by requests and needs of our targeted clientèle.''
Shelley's colleague shrunk back at the aghast look on Diana's face, cowering behind his iPad. The coral lips pressed against each other, before stretching into a full blown grin. The fangs were out.
''This is my hotel,'' Mrs. Sparks spoke with a smooth, controlled voice after some moments of silence. ''It belongs to me and I should do as I please. Some change would do it good.''
''Yours?'' Shelley replied feigning surprise, though her instinct warned her to take no further steps. But she didn't go to best Maryland business school so that an aged sugar baby, with absolutely no training or an actual interest in economy, could tell her what to do in her own field of expertise. Twenty-five years of work experience at this hotel gave her sense of family and a need to protect the legacy. ''I thought you were here representing Miss Georgina? Temporarily, if I might add.''
''The audacity!'' Mrs. Sparks spat, her beautiful, smooth face turning red as a beet. ''Go back to work!''
Within a minute, HR department of Millennium received a sealed, urgent request to have the entire board of managers fired and replaced.
''Why didn't you stay with us?''
Blair ignored the question and merely blew at the surface of her steamed Dean&Deluca coffee. She twisted the dark to-go cup, enjoying rich scent of French roast beans. It was a luxury she was back to not being able to afford. Blair sighed, taking an impatient sip that slightly burned her tongue.
''Don't think that I justify what Chuck did,'' Nate went on, watching the ducks strut across the Central park, hypnotized by the colorful gleaming feathers. ''You guys had too much on the plate as it is. Chuck was on the edge. First that thing with Elle, and then what father did to his inheritance-''
''Inheritance?'' She looked up surprised, staring right back into the sparkly green eyes ''What did Bart do?''
''Chuck didn't tell you?'' There was genuine shock on Nate's face as he was about to bite into the blueberry muffin, but paused midway. ''I thought he told you.''
''Told me what?'' She demanded, livid as Nate stalled the matter, snatching the muffin out of his hand and holding it up as a threat. ''Spill it, Archibald.''
Her friend's stomach churned loudly and he stared longingly at the muffin. Nate inhaled deeply and articulated what he wanted to say in a single breath. ''Bart blocked all of his accounts. Chuck's been on his own for a while now, paying the bills and everything. He has nothing except for that apartment and the car.''
Blair thought to herself she had a fair idea of what Ana Karenina felt losing her head on the tracks. There was nothing to stop it. Cut was an instant. Not even knowing how to react, Blair scoffed. The information delayed processing itself. She looked lost for a moment and her hand lowered, finally releasing the delicious hostage. Nate didn't even bite, he put the whole thing in his mouth and chewed it through.
Bart, one person that Chuck wanted to please his whole life, stabbed his own son and twisted the knife. How betrayed he must have felt. How hurt.
Need to protect him burned through her, but Blair choked it down.
''When did he find out?'' She pressed further, crossing her hands and murderously staring at some dot in the distance.
''Few days ago.''
''And he said nothing!'' Blair snapped, infuriated with his complete lack of communication. He was going through all this hell while she was by his side, and said nothing. They were supposed to be there for each other and he bailed out of that deal. ''Why didn't he? Did he think I would back out? That I wouldn't be there for him? That we won't be able get through this?''
Did he really think she would leave him because he wasn't in the top ten young billionaires of this world?
''You've been going through a major crisis. A lot of bad stuff happened. I think he felt defeated, putting on himself pressure to get you guys a new home, a fresh start.''
Having an apartment on Upper East Side and luxury car was more than majority had. Did he forget where she came from? Having him was enough. They would have been able to conquer everything, even poverty, if only he put trust in their relationship. Now that stupid fragile thing lay broken.
''That should have been the least of our worries.'' She muttered, deep down heartbroken and disappointed, rising suddenly and picking up her book. ''I have to go back to my dorm room, thanks for the coffee.''
She marched back to the campus, proud at herself for not shedding a single tear all day. A phone buzzed in her pocket and she opened it up to read a new message that had her chest exploding.
While you're out and about, that pregnant balloon is hanging around your apartment with your hubby. - Jess
That night, Blair woke up screaming.
She breathed in deeply, trying to calm herself, but darkness wasn't as deceiving as the day. In the dark, nothing could be hidden. Everything was painfully clear. Dream brought on her biggest fears, Elle, Chuck and their baby. They were laughing, they were in love, they were a family. There was no Blair nor did anyone care about one. Chuck loved someone, and it wasn't her.
Tears began to slide, one after another. She sobbed, throwing herself against the pillow, unable to pretend under the watchful, silent moon.
Night was not her friend.
The morning started off good - with a bribe.
Limo was parked in front and the figure inside had rolled down the window. His eyes, dark and slanted, traced each student that left the building. It was still too early for class, but several people decided to go for a run or have an early breakfast.
He was waiting for her. After last night's torturous dream, the idiotic thought still made her smile. Hidden behind row of ugly gray curtains, she gave herself freedom to relish in the beauty of Chuck's aristocratic face. He appeared calm and collected, but Blair knew he was tense. His nostrils were flared.
A student walked out the building and went straight to the limo. Her heart sped up as she watched them converse, the stranger pointing towards direction of Constance, telling him she already went to class. Chuck frowned and window rolled up, cutting Quisling off. The car rolled away, and the student turned to look towards window where Blair stood. He gave thumbs up and walked merrily towards the Central Park - newly acquired Financial Management notes stuffed in his backpack.
Blair quickly hailed a cab, knowing there wasn't much time. While Chuck was busy looking for her in Constance, she went back to their apartment to fetch some clothes. She spent last couple of days in the same shirt and pants, not wanting to risk finding Chuck at home. It was getting disgusting.
Every resolution to get in and get the job done came falling apart the moment she entered the place. The familiar scent, his perfume, hit her and shook her bones. It was as if someone had placed a boulder on her chest, determined to keep her there.
It smelled like home. It smelled like their dreams, their hopes for the future.
Ghosts of memories rose around her; the fights they had and love they made. Chuck was everywhere, in every nook and corner and Blair followed his scent into the bedroom. The bed was made, as if nobody slept in it, and she ran her hand over the covers. Fingers trembled and, as if on their own accord, pulled his folded Calvin Klein white shirt from under the pillow.
How many times had she pulled this shirt off of him, before they were to make love? How many times had they lay snuggled on this very same bed? The ache, that unbearable emptiness, pulsed through her and she was scared that nobody but him could quench the thirst. He knew how to touch her, how to hold her and every fiber in her body burned for a taste of his lips.
Tears prickled at the corner of her eyes as she brought the shirt to her nose. Like a love potion, his perfume enveloped her and got her mind spinning with same electric love that connected them, the same one she had been choking down these past few days. Quickly, as if she was doing something horribly shameful and wrong, she stuffed his shirt into the bag.
She inhaled deeply and rose, set to ignore the hauntings of the room. As Blair busied herself with collecting her clothes, footsteps could be heard in the hallway. They grew louder and, startled, she spun around to face the person.
''You thought you could fool me with a freshman?'' Chuck drawled, leaning on the door frame and shaking his head. ''I'm insulted.''
A/N: To the girl that read 49 chapters in 2 days, wow - you're my girl! Thank you so soo much for that absolute dedication and glad you like the story :D
I am hoping to upload next chapter this week, happy to let you know that Ed is back in the game!