Disclaimer: Just nope.
xxxxxxxxxx
While James was gone, Lily spent her time playing with Harry. He had many toys that he amused himself with. He seemed to love the ones that played music or talked, and it made Lily laugh to see how fascinated he was with them.
But as much as she tried to distract herself as she watched the sweet innocence of her beloved infant son, she couldn't help but wonder what James was finding out. She knew he was going to see Remus for a drink, and then he'd be going to Flourish and Blotts to find out more information about the United States. She felt butterflies in her stomach as she kept imagining what would happen when James came back to the Headquarters. She hoped desperately that it would be good news.
After a while, Harry grew tired and Lily knew it was time for him to take a nap. Normally, she would put him in his crib, but today she needed to hold him. The house was silent - Benjy was at the Ministry, and Sam was with his grandparents. No one else was at the Headquarters besides her and Harry, and the only sound she could hear was her little boy's deep breathing as she sat in the rocking chair with him sleeping peacefully in her arms.
"My Harry," she whispered as she held him close. His scent always comforted her, and her love for him was endless. The rest of the world melted away - there was no Ministry attack, no Death Eaters, no nightmares, no Voldemort coming for her baby, her little angel. "I love you so much, my little one."
She began to sing a lullaby to him. This particular song, Golden Slumbers, was close to her heart. Her mother had sung it to her when she was a little girl, and she remembered how beautiful the woman's voice had been. She despised the fact that it had been Voldemort that had taken her light from the world. Lily's father had been warm and fun-loving, and his questions about the wizarding world had been endless. He had been snuffed out by Voldemort as well, and her anger and hatred for the dark wizard knew no bounds. As she cuddled Harry close and continued to sing, she tried to stop these thoughts from surfacing. The rest of the world had been nonexistent before, but the moment she'd started singing the lullaby, the dark thoughts had rushed in again. Perhaps she should have sung a different one, but at the same time, she thought she owed it to her mother to keep the memory of her alive.
Mr. and Mrs. Evans would loathe what she'd become, wouldn't they? Even before the Ministry attack, she'd become someone who wasn't Lily. Some days, the lethargy would hit her so hard that all she wanted to do was lie in bed and stare at the ceiling. Other days, the anger would be so acidic and potent that all she could think to do was pace around, trying to get it out of her system. Other times, she'd grow restless and agitated, and time seemed to crawl by.
Mr. and Mrs. Evans didn't raise her to be like this. They would hate her if they knew that she spent time wishing it was Neville that Voldemort was going after instead of her Harry. Alice was supposed to be her best friend. With friends like her, who needed enemies? Alice didn't deserve it. Neville didn't deserve it. But it was Harry who didn't deserve it the most, and Lily was willing to sacrifice anything if it meant Harry lived, that James lived. She would be nothing without her family - if they died, she would go with them. There was no way she could live without them.
Lily closed her eyes as she breathed in Harry's scent. He was very deeply asleep, and she'd finally stopped singing. She just cradled him close now, wanting nothing more than to wrap him up in a cocoon of love. Why was it, she thought fiercely, that hatred could take someone away in an instant? All Voldemort had to do was point his wand at Harry, chant six evil syllables, and he would be gone in a flash of sickly green light the same color as his and Lily's eyes. Why couldn't her love counter that? It wasn't fair. Love should be able to keep Harry alive.
She didn't know how much time passed as she continued to sit in the rocking chair, holding her little munchkin. All she knew was that in the next moment, she heard a knock on the front door. Even though she suspected it was James, she still felt her heart begin to race.
Gently, she put Harry in his crib and whispered, "I love you, my little one." She hurriedly left the room, shutting the door firmly behind her. She would have put the strongest locking charm she knew on the door, but her magic still wouldn't cooperate. A burst of helplessness seized her, but then she remembered that she had another solution. "Winnie! Ravvy!" she called.
The house-elves immediately popped into her vicinity. "Yes, Mistress Lily? What does Mistress Lily need?" Ravvy asked instantly.
"Ravvy, please lock Harry's door for me," Lily said, a catch in her voice. "And Winnie, please come downstairs."
"Right away, Mistress Lily," Winnie said obediently, and Lily knew she could trust them. They would be her saving grace now.
She raced downstairs and to the front door, her hands going clammy with fear. Let it just be James, she prayed. Please.
"Declare yourself!" she barked once she got to the door. She knew her voice was harsh and unforgiving, but she didn't care.
"It is James Potter," came the voice from outside. "I turn into a stag Animagus, and you and I once got into a row over our patrol duties as Head Boy and Head Girl."
Instantly, Lily knew it was James. She immediately felt comforted, and couldn't help but smirk at the memory of the blazing row they'd gotten into at the beginning of their seventh year concerning their Head duties. "Winnie, please unlock the door," she said, and quickly, it was done. Lily opened it, and saw her messy-haired, hazel-eyed husband carrying a bag. Her heart filled with hope - he'd found something, right?
"Hi," James said as they walked into the living room and sat on the couch. "How's the little tyke?"
"Sleeping," Lily replied, smiling. "We played for a while. Merlin, he can't get enough of that singing dog."
James smirked. "Sirius always gets a kick out of that," he laughed as he produced three books from the bag he had been carrying. "I have results," he said quietly.
"I can see that," said Lily as she stared at the books. One was on the history of the United States and their Muggle government, one was on the history of the wizarding government, and the third was on different places to live in the country and what wizarding landmarks were there.
"Wow," Lily breathed. "You're so good at this." She remembered her failure at finding anything more to do with goblin magic. Thank Merlin she had a husband who was so stubborn and persistent. "Let's take a look at them," she said.
"Absolutely. Let's do it over lunch," James replied.
"Hungry, are you?" Lily teased, recovering from the adrenaline that had rushed through her when he'd knocked on the door. God, she wished she didn't react so badly whenever that happened, but she couldn't help it. Her anxiety would spike and go through the roof whenever there was the slightest hint of danger to her baby, and if James was in the house and someone else knocked, she was terrified for him too. But it would end, it would all end, if the information about the United States proved fruitful.
"Yeah," James said. "I had an apple danish with Remus, but ..."
"How is he?" Lily asked as they walked into the kitchen, James bringing the books with him.
James's face suddenly darkened, a scowl appearing on it faster than Lily could blink. "Oh, woe is me, I'm a werewolf," he said, and Lily heard something in his tone that she'd never heard before in regards to the other man. "I'm just going to sit and complain about how difficult my life is when I have friends that have done everything for me. They risked their lives and their Hogwarts career to help me, but do I bother to show any gratitude? Noooo. Instead I whine about it and ask what the Americans think of dark creatures." He looked livid once he had finished his diatribe. "I didn't tell him about us thinking about leaving Britain," he said, his voice quiet now. "I just told him about the article in the Daily Prophet, and that's how he chose to react."
For once, Lily didn't know what to say. She could see clearly now that James was more upset with Remus than she knew about. She looked at him in open-mouthed astonishment.
"I was looking forward to seeing him," sighed James as he slumped into a chair at the kitchen table, and Lily sat in the one beside him. "I care about him so much, you know? But he's got no idea what we've been going through. It's always all about him and his lycanthropy."
"James, you know his life has been defined by that," Lily said gently. "You know how bad his job prospects are. The bloke barely has any money."
"I know, Lils. But that's the thing. How many times have we offered for him to move in with us? Sirius has offered, too. The only reason Peter hasn't is because he still lives with his mum." James took a deep breath to calm himself. "But he always refuses. He'd rather wallow in self-pity and complain about how horrible his circumstances are than take us up on our offer."
"It's a matter of pride, I think," Lily said. "He doesn't want to be considered a charity case."
"But he's not!" James exclaimed. "I tell him all the time, but he never listens." He looked very defeated as he held Lily's gaze. "And with everything going on right now, I can't deal with his negative attitude."
"I understand, James." Lily sighed sadly. "But it's just not fair."
"No, of course it isn't." He took Lily's hand and squeezed it, and she squeezed back. "Winnie! Ravvy! We'd like our lunch, please," he said.
Only a few short years ago, Lily would have screamed bloody murder at James for asking the house-elves to get them their food. But now, she didn't even bat an eye. It seemed like the logical thing to do, and the creatures were always offering to help anyway. Benjy always made dinner, but for other meals, he made sure that the house was stocked up so they could fend for themselves.
"Yes, Master James," said Winnie as both house-elves popped into the room. "What would Master James and Mistress Lily be having for lunch today, sir?"
"I will have a ham and cheese sandwich, please," said James. "With lettuce, tomato, and mayonnaise. And I will have orange juice to drink."
"And I will have a turkey and cheese sandwich, please, with just mustard. And I will also have orange juice," Lily replied.
"Yes, Master James and Mistress Lily," Ravvy said, and they were gone. Within about thirty seconds, they had arrived with the food and drinks. Lily would never be able to understand how they managed to do that so quickly.
"Thank you," Lily said. "Thanks a lot."
Winnie and Ravvy looked very tearful a this. "Oh, Mistress Lily is most welcome, ma'am!" Winnie squeaked. "Winnie and Ravvy is at your service, ma'am! Winnie and Ravvy will be back to collect Mistress and Master's dishes as soon as they call." With that, they were gone again.
As Lily began munching on her sandwich, James asked, "Which book would you like to look through first?"
"The one on magical landmarks, and where it might be best to go in the country."
"Yeah," said James. "I'd like to do that one first, too."
So he and Lily spent the meal perusing all the information the book had to offer. It wasn't up to date on the new wizarding schools, but it made sense, since that had been published in the Daily Prophet only yesterday. But they could still make their decision based on both things - what was in the book, and what they knew from the paper.
They were so absorbed in the material that before they knew it, an hour had passed. The sudden sound of Harry's cry cut through the silence, and Lily immediately went to retrieve him from his crib and bring him into the living room, where they had returned to after their meal. There, he amused himself with his toys while his parents continued to read and talk over their findings.
"Honestly, out of everywhere we've read about, I'd want to send Harry to school in Philadelphia," Lily said as she looked seriously at her husband. "What do you think?"
"But what if the war's over by then?" James asked. "You know that those schools also start when a wizard or witch turns eleven. Harry's not even a year old."
"I know," said Lily. "But we have to be prepared for if it isn't. And even if Voldemort is defeated, who says there still won't be Death Eaters who will come after Harry?"
James's expression was dark again. "I know what you mean," he said softly, a whole range of emotions crossing his face.
Lily felt just as stricken and confused as he did. This was the first time they had really sat down and contemplated their situation. Sure, they'd talked about running away before, but now the prospect was less in the abstract and becoming more real. She desperately wanted to have the faith that Benjy did - she wanted to believe the war would be over and that peace would reign over wizarding Britain again. But May 28 had done something to her mind and body that she sometimes felt could never be rectified. Benjy, James, and their friends had more faith in her recovery than she did.
The thought of leaving Britain behind - not just temporarily, but for good - was extremely daunting. She might never see Petunia, or her girlfriends, or the Marauders again. But Harry was first - Harry always had to come first. Because even if Benjy was right and the war ended, who said there wouldn't be Death Eaters who wouldn't keep trying to get to her son? Had Voldemort told any more of his followers about the prophecy? She wondered again who had overheard Trelawney giving it and told Voldemort. The urge to use an Unforgivable on whoever had done that was extremely strong. Dumbledore would be sure to give her a lecture on falling into the darkness if he ever found out what she wanted to do to that person. Lily almost laughed mirthlessly - Dumbledore didn't understand that she'd been swimming in the darkness for a long, long time.
James saw the turmoil in Lily's eyes and took her hand, putting the book down on the coffee table. "Look," he said gently. "This isn't any easier on me than it is on you. I may be upset with how things are going with the Marauders, but it would be so ... so hard to leave them. But I'll do it. I'll do it in a heartbeat for you, and for Harry."
Lily lay her head on James's chest. "How did it come to this?" she murmured. "How are things so horrible?"
"I don't know, love. I ask myself that all the time," James whispered, gently running his fingers through her red curls. "I can never understand it."
The couple took a few minutes to calm down, and they looked at their son playing with his toys. Every second that their eyes were on him gave them new resolve. They would do this - and they would do this for him.
"Los Angeles or Philadelphia," James said quietly. "Those are my choices. I think both places have great landmarks where the wizarding community likes to gather."
Lily nodded. She had liked reading about the certain wizarding traditions that took place in those cities. Los Angeles had its own section of the city that was dedicated to the wizarding community. It also had many magical festivals that took place throughout the year, such as the one for bands and musicians. In Southern New Jersey, which was right across a bridge from Philadelphia, there was a wizarding shopping district that was rather like Diagon Alley. "I think Los Angeles is a bit too busy," she said. "I'd rather be somewhere quieter. I like the sound of southern New Jersey. If we wanted to go to those festivals in Los Angeles, we can always Apparate there, you know. That is, if I get my magic back. I don't want you to have to Apparate me everywhere."
James looked at her sternly. "Benjy asked me to be on the lookout for comments like that from you," he said, but then his voice grew gentle. "It will come back. You know it will."
"I should have known Benjy would do something like that. You sound like him, you know." Lily couldn't help but give her husband a small smile.
"I know." James smiled back. "And you're right about Apparating to Los Angeles." James looked deep in thought. "Do you reckon we should consider New Jersey as our option, then?"
Once again, Lily's heart constricted - this was very, very real now. Her eyes landed on Harry, whose toy dog was singing again. He was grinning, and his baby laughter filled up the entire room with light. "Yes," Lily murmured as she watched him. "I think we should. But James ... can we confide in anyone? How do we keep ourselves completely hidden so that there's no way Dumbledore and Voldemort could find us?"
James frowned unhappily. "I don't know, Lils." Lily could see that he was truly at a loss. It was all well and good to make plans to leave, but it wouldn't amount to anything if Dumbledore and Voldemort were able to find them.
Suddenly, Lily had an idea. It was like a lightning bolt of clarity hit her. How had she never thought of this before? "The house-elves," she whispered. "Winnie and Ravvy."
"Huh?" James looked incredibly confused. "What do you mean?"
"House-elves will always keep their owners' secrets, right?" Lily felt her heart begin to pound in her chest. "We can confide in them, can't we?"
James's eyes were round with shock. Lily half-expected him to make some quip about how she had done a complete 180-degree turn from the days when she wanted nothing to do with owning such creatures, but thankfully, he didn't. "It's worth a try," he said softly, comprehension dawning. "Lily, you're brilliant."
"No, I'm not. I've been too wrapped up in my own depression to think of it before." Without giving James a chance to respond, she cried, "Winnie! Ravvy!"
"What can Winnie and Ravvy be doing for Master James and Mistress Lily?" Ravvy asked dutifully within about two seconds.
"If we tell you a secret, will you keep it?" Lily could feel a surge of energy flowing through her body - she hadn't felt so alive in months, years even.
"Of course," Winnie said instantly. "Winnie and Ravvy will always keep Master James and Mistress Lily's secrets. And when precious Master Harry grows older, Winnie and Ravvy will keep his, too."
Lily nodded. "You can help so that precious Master Harry does grow older. James and I are making plans to ... to take Harry and run."
Both house-elves looked stunned at this, but it was only for a split second. "Master James and Mistress Lily want to leave?" Winnie asked. "They wish to take precious Master Harry away from the war?"
"Yes," James confirmed. "But it's not that simple. Voldemort ..."
"Winnie is begging Master James not to use the Dark Lord's name!" Winnie squealed in horror while Ravvy covered his mouth with his hands.
"Sorry," said James. "I'm sorry. Look, we need your advice, okay? We don't want You-Know-Who to find us. Even if we go under the Fidelius Charm and cast all the wards that we possibly can on our new location, we're concerned that he will still come after us." Lily noticed that James didn't mention Dumbledore, but she knew that these house-elves wouldn't understand the threat the old man posed.
"That's simple, Master James." Ravvy looked purposeful. "Not many witches and wizards know, Master James, but house-elves can be transfigured to look like humans. All Mistress Lily and Master James needs to do is get the goblins to make Winnie and Ravvy look like them."
"Then, Master James and Mistress Lily can fake precious Master Harry's disappearance and let Winnie and Ravvy remain in Godric's Hollow. The Dark Lord will never know," Winnie said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.
Shocked disbelief. That was all Lily felt as she stared at the house-elves. "Goblins?" she whispered. "The goblins can make you look like us? But then ... we'd be asking you to be willing to die for us."
There was some part of her conscience that still rebelled against this idea, but she was shocked to discover that it was only a tiny part. The old Lily would have never even contemplated another being dying in her place - and her stance on house-elves was well-known amongst her friends at Hogwarts.
But it would be worth it. Anything was worth sacrificing if it meant Harry lived. And she could see in James's hazel eyes that he understood, and he agreed.
And then, there were the goblins. Was she finally discovering the secret to goblin magic? All that time at work when she'd been looking ... this was what she'd missed? Maybe leaving the Ministry really had been the best thing for her.
Ravvy and Winnie nodded, but there was no fear in their faces, only acceptance. "Winnie and Ravvy will do anything Master James and Mistress Lily ask of them. Especially if it is to keep them and precious Master Harry safe," Ravvy said quietly, and Winnie bobbed her head in fervent agreement.
"Thank you, Winnie and Ravvy." James's voice was a whisper. "You've given us a lot to think about."
Both house-elves looked resolute. "If there is anything else that Master James and Mistress Lily needs, please let Winnie and Ravvy know," Winnie said, and they both bowed to the couple before popping away, leaving Lily and James to think over the astonishing discovery they had just made.