Three days after Allen and Lavi reconciled, Kanda quietly, uncomfortably, told Allen to follow him up to the roof of their apartment. There was something shifty about his bearing which made the ex-exorcist feel a vague sense of unease, but he….trusted Kanda. Somewhat. Besides, they had been living together for the past week or so, and there had been plenty of chances for Kanda to kill him during that time.

There was no reason to feel uneasy. No reason at all.

Still, by the time they reached the wind-swept, graveled rooftop, Allen was feeling the soft bite of nerves in his stomach, and the sheen of sweat on his face wasn't entirely because he had exhausted himself going up the stairs. He looked around uncomfortably, taking in the rustic German capital, dragging his clammy palm down his pant leg.

"Beansprout." Kanda's voice was calm and belied no sense of anger or hatred. However, the strange tone of almost nervousness made Allen glance up quickly and squint at the samurai, who was absently swinging his wooden bokken around.

Cautiously, Allen ventured, "Was there some reason you brought me here?" He barely managed to strip away any signs of his irritation at the cryptic nature of the whole thing. Still, some must have bled through, because Kanda squinted at him, as though trying to figure out whether or not he should be annoyed.

Finally, the samurai said, "I've gotten tired of your attitude."

Allen blinked, a bit startled at the rather unceremonious segue. "Have you?"

Once again Kanda squinted at him, and very deliberately aimed the wooden bokken at Allen's face, as though sighting down an arrow at a target. "How did you fight when your Innocence turned into a sword?"

Bemusement fading into confusion, Allen's shoulders settled a little. "Um-what?"

When Kanda simply growled in response, impatient, Allen hurried to answer. He had a feeling that Kanda was trying to help him, but wasn't entirely certain as to how he was going about it. "I...you know...fought?"

"With one arm, right?" Kanda said, his sword remaining pointed at Allen, unwavering.

Immediately, Allen caught on, and felt something dark and heavy drop into his stomach. "That was-" He swallowed, looking away, and accidently caught sight of his empty sleeve, fluttering in the wind. "That was different."

"How?" Kanda immediately countered, finally letting his sword drop. Agitated, the swordsman shifted from foot to foot, as though restless. Allen had no idea what was causing his friend to be so strange-nor did he know why Kanda was bringing this up. It wasn't Kanda's way to...talk. About anything, really. Kanda's problem-solving abilities had included 'fuck the problem up as much as possible and hope it resolves itself'.

"I had Crown Clown to compensate for me." Allen said-but no, that wasn't quite right. It was true that he'd had Crown Clown, covering him where his left arm once would have. But- "And I mean...I always knew that I still had an arm." He admitted softly, right hand absently fisting the empty white fabric that had once been his solid, real arm. "It never felt like I was missing an arm."

There was a moment of perfect silence, where the wind was the only thing that moved between them. Hair swirled, eyes remained fastened on their targets, the earth turned beneath them, and then-

"That's complete and utter bullshit."

Allen jerked up, staring at Kanda with outraged confusion, too stunned to even come up with a response. Kanda continued on blithely, steamrolling right over anything that Allen would have said anyway.

"There was a finder in my unit-his name was Baaz. He only had one arm and no Innocence, and he could fight just as damn well as the others on my team." He finally lowered the sword, letting it rest at his hip as he spoke. "You've been sitting around moping because, what-you think you can't fight anymore just because you're missing an arm and an eye? You think you're useless?" Kanda snarled. "If that puny ass finder could hold his own in a fight against a level 2 Akuma, then you can certainly stop feeling so fucking sorry for yourself."

Allen couldn't help it-he stared at Kanda, outrage fading into a numb sort of bemusement, because what? He-what?

"What?" Allen said intelligently, too gobsmacked to come up with anything else.

"You heard me!" Kanda growled, slashing the air violently with his wooden bokken, looking as though he were about to leap across the roof and kill Allen. "Stop calling yourself useless or whatever, just because the war's over and you can't fucking fight anymore."

Growing more and more frustrated as Kanda spoke, Allen turned away, clenching his fists against his sides. He heard what Kanda was saying, he did, but he didn't see how it applied to him. His whole being was dedicated to the destruction of Akuma, his soul was forged from the ashes of a Noah, and his heart was barricaded from the rest of the world. And besides, even if he wanted to do something else, which he did, it was very likely he'd be spotted by Bao Lei's men, and that would put Kanda and Lavi in danger.

"I don't know how to do anything else, Kanda." Allen said harshly. "All of the skills I've acquired over the years aren't meant to be used in a peaceful setting."

Kanda snorted, loud and disgusted. "Yeah, and?" He growled. "I'm the exact same way, but you managed to find me a job."

Allen shook his head and turned away, already done with the conversation. "No sane person is going to hire me to do physical labor. Besides the fact that I've got one arm, I'm still recovering from muscle atrophy. I will be for a while."

Kanda was silent for a moment, and Allen let out a soft sigh, before beginning to walk toward the door that would take him back down into the apartment. It had been wishful thinking on Kanda's part that he'd thought he could change anything.

"Here's what I don't get." The samurai said finally, just as Allen placed his hand on the doorknob. "Why are you so eager to give up?"

Allen froze.

"When we were fighting, you used to go days without sleep." Kanda observed, and judging by his tone his eyes were narrowed with a cross between confusion and anger. "You fought until your fucking arm started breaking down and now you're just-" He let out an annoyed sound. "I don't get it."

"That's not-" He turned around, feeling his defeat morph into something closer to panic. "Don't-"

How was he supposed to tell Kanda that he hadn't meant to survive the war? That he had meant to die at the hands of one of his enemies, and therefore hadn't put any thought into his future survival?

To Allen's surprise, Kanda just shrugged off his stuttering attempts to defend himself, shaking his long, dark hair away from his face. "Whatever, it doesn't matter. I don't care what your reasoning is." He lifted his bokken again, once more pointing it right between Allen's eyes. "We're going to spar now."

The panic that had been building in Allen's chest abruptly faded to deep shock. "H-Huh?"

Kanda adjusted his grip on the wooden sword, so his form was in the familiar stance. "Dodge, if you don't want to fucking die."

"Wait!" Allen shouted, putting out one hand to stop Kanda-and then had to throw himself to the side to avoid getting skewered by the wooden bokken. Real panic bloomed in his stomach-what the fuck was Kanda thinking? "I can't fight you Kanda, what are you-"

The next few seconds were a blur of movement, so fast that Allen could only watch as Kanda kicked him over and pointed the tip at his jugular. It was completely silent, the only sound Allen's deep, gasping breaths. Kanda was staring down at him with dark, glittering eyes, something close to mockery in their onyx depths.

"What," Allen gasped out finally, propping himself up on his arm, and gritting his teeth when he realized that like this, he couldn't shove the sword away from his neck. "Was that for?"

Kanda waited for only a second, before lowering the weapon and taking a step back, still saying nothing. Allen slowly rose to his feet, warily watching Kanda's hands, in case he decided to attack again.

Finally, the samurai spoke. "You're going to learn how to fight with only one arm."

Allen stared, incredulous. "Is-Is that what you wanted to do? This entire time?" He threw up his hand. "You didn't think to just ask me, like a normal person?"

"You misunderstand." Kanda said. "This isn't for my benefit at all. You've got to get over that muscle atrophy, fast. Fighting me will help. Bao Lei isn't just going to sit around and wait for you to get strong again before attacking."

He looked away, biting his lip as he considered that. There really wasn't a way to argue with that at all, and besides-if he could fight again, he wanted to be able to. There really wasn't a reason to say no. "I...suppose we could spar together."

"I suppose," Kanda muttered, rolling his eyes so hard it looked almost physically painful. "Let's go again, then."

Several hours later, Lavi finally got home from work. He rolled into the kitchen, and immediately stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Allen and Kanda.

"Um…"

"Don't…" Allen said darkly, flopping his arm weakly in the general direction of the red-head. He was sprawled on the couch, his limbs heavy and jelly-like, too exhausted to attempt movement. "Don't you say...a word." He let his arm drop back to his chest and heaved a deep breath. "I need a nap."

Kanda, sitting calmly at the table, just sipped his tea, his expression too artificially mild to be believable. There was something about his posture, or maybe the way he held his drink, that made it feel as though he were laughing at Allen.

Lavi slowly stood and closed the door, before folding his wheelchair and hanging it up on the back of the door (the science department had designed a set of hooks for the them, making storage easy). Then he settled at the table, rubbing his temples, as though just being in the room with the other two was giving him a headache.

Finally, he said, "Is this a problem? Should I be worried?"

"Yes." Allen said quickly, the same time Kanda said, "No."

The two glared at each other, the air crackling with tension. Allen backed down first, though, too tired to maintain any sort of anger against the stupid samurai. He sighed, and threw his arm over his face, covering his eyes.

Then, as though only just remembering, Allen perked up, pushing himself up onto his elbow so he could see Lavi properly. "Wait, you had your first day of work today, right?" He sat up fully, face open and bright. "How did it go?"

Lavi paused for a second, as though he'd really like to continue interrogating Allen about what had put the others in such a foul mood, but then visibly decided against it. Instead he began tapping the table absentmindedly, eye thoughtful. "Mr. Heminger is...an interesting person."

Allen nodded, while Kanda looked on in interest, being the only person who had never actually met Lavi's new boss. Of course he was far too proud to actually ask, and remained silent.

"He said that my being in a wheelchair shouldn't be a problem, especially since I'll need it less and less as I get stronger." Lavi continued, then grimaced lightly. "For the time being he just has me doing paperwork, since it's relatively light work."

Knowing that Lavi would be disappointed with the grunt work-he was a researcher, and surely just sitting around reading files was boring as hell-Allen smiled sympathetically. "I'm sure he'll give you something more interesting soon. Your mind is wasted on paperwork."

Lavi glanced over at Allen, his expression almost...puzzled, as though Allen had said something very strange. As his friend stared at him, Allen's smile faded, starting to wonder if he really had said something that strange. He didn't think that he'd had, but...maybe, with their friendship still raw around the edges, still recovering from their argument, Lavi wanted space. His eyes nervously darted over to Kanda, looking for some indication of a misstep, but there was no change-except for perhaps a sharpening of his focus.

Just as the atmosphere was beginning to go from nervous to uncomfortable, Lavi sighed and smiled a little, though it was small and tired. "You know, Allen, you don't have to-" He breathed out heavily through his nose. "You don't-" He broke off again, shaking his head.

Now bewildered and vaguely concerned by this sudden shift, Allen looked between Lavi and Kanda, trying to figure out what was going on. Helplessness spread throughout him, choking him, and anxiety answered in kind. What had he done now?

Then Kanda, seeming to take pity on the two of them, lowered his tea and sighed gustily. "You're both idiots." He said, and then turned to address Allen. "That fake attitude? Knock that shit off, it's freaking the rabbit out." Then he turned to Lavi. "And you! The explanation was fucking lacking, you piece of shit."

The two stared at Kanda, gobsmacked; it was so silent you could not only hear a pin drop, that pin would sound like the crash of thunder. Seemingly unaware of the mental break he had just caused, Kanda picked up his teacup again.

"K-Kanda…." Allen stuttered. Normally he would've been responding to the 'fake attitude' comment, but he was too startled by the fact that Kanda had translated their awkward fumbling. And accurately, at that.

"Who are you and what have you done with Kanda Yuu?" Lavi demanded. "Did you just-"

"Leave me alone!" Kanda shouted, and just like that the teacup shattered in his hand. He jumped to his feet, apparently uncaring of the ceramic shards decorating his skin. His face was beginning to turn a remarkable shade of red, and he leapt to his feet. "I shouldn't have said a damn thing! Don't blow it up!"

Something burbled from the base of Allen's throat, something light and airy-and just like that a quiet, breathy laugh escaped him. And once he started, he couldn't stop, giggles curling out from behind his fingers, tentative and rusty.

In that moment, Allen missed the startled yet pleased look that passed between Kanda and Lavi.

"Oh," Kanda quickly interjected as Allen's laughter died down, as though determined to ignore the lapse of his usual grumpy attitude, "Beansprout. Miriam wants you to call her on Saturday so she can give Komui an update."

Allen's pleased expression abruptly morphed into confused. "Of course, but how did you even find out about that? Did she get in contact with you somehow?"

"She called my work." Kanda said, shrugging, seemingly unperturbed by the fact that she already knew where he worked, even after just getting the job. Lavi and Allen exchanged a concerned glance.

There was just something...off, about the Crow. She seemed helpful, but...

Saturday morning, Allen woke to the sunlight pouring past his curtains and right into his face, burning into his sensitive, blinking eye. He rolled toward the wall, away from the rays, and stared at the white paint, for a moment simply appreciating the ability to wake up in a location that wasn't a war zone. It was so….peaceful, here. Waking up during the war had always been an exercise in nerves-where would he wake up? How long had it been since Neah had taken over, and what damage had he done in that time?

It didn't matter any more. Neah was dead, and the war was over, had been over for more than half a year. He had no more reason to worry, now that his mind was no longer trying to tear him apart from the inside out. And yet, the memory was still strong, still fresh, even after all these months; it made mornings like this seem so much more precious.

Allen sighed softly, watched as the dust motes swirled like snowflakes in the air, illuminated by the sun. When all this blows over, He thought sleepily, I wouldn't mind coming back to live in Berlin.

If Bao Lei let him live that long.

With that Allen sighed, rolled over, and got out of bed.

Lavi wasn't awake yet-he didn't have to go to work until much later-but Kanda was already up and sitting at the table, slowly polishing off a cup of green tea. His hair floated loose around his bare shoulders and down his back, illuminated gold by the same light that had lit Allen's room that morning. His eyes were far away and unexpectedly peaceful as he stared, lost in thought, into the distance.

Allen squinted at him, suddenly certain that the samurai had more tea in his veins than blood. Was it healthy to drink that much tea all the time?

Kanda must have felt his stare, because his gaze sharpened and he abruptly whipped around to look at Allen, face dark and belligerent. They regarded each other for a moment, before Kanda demanded, "What's your fucking problem, beansprout?"

Instead of sharing his thoughts, Allen ched and responded, "My biggest problem is that I have to see your ugly face in the morning."

The first time this had happened, Kanda had actually done a double take, so stunned was he by Allen's uncharacteristic grumpiness. However he had long since gotten used to 'Allen before eight', and knew better than to get offended by it. Not because he wasn't offended by it, but because the last time Kanda had reacted he had walked away with a bloody nose and a limp for the next few hours.

So he just snorted and let the comment slide, ducking his head into his tea mug instead. After a brief pause, in which Allen shuffled over to the loaf of bread on the counter for some breakfast, Kanda looked up and said, "You remember you're calling the Crow today at 11?"

Allen sighed deeply as he cut off a few slices of bread. "She has a name, you know. In case you've forgotten."

"Shut the fuck up. Why are you such an annoyance?" Kanda growled. He tossed his bangs away from his face, finished off the tea, and got to his feet. As he began putting his hair into its customary ponytail, he tossed an aside to Allen. "I'm leaving. Try not to get killed, or something."

Try not to get killed or something, Allen mocked silently in response, earning an eyeroll from his friend, before saying out loud, "Itterashai."*

It took a second for that to register, but when it did, Kanda turned around and stared at Allen, as though he had never seen anything so strange in his life. He blinked at him once, twice-

And then headed very quickly toward the door, as though bolting for safety.

Amused, Allen chuckled softly-if he had known saying that would cause such a reaction, he would have done so much earlier-and finished up making his bread and cheese sandwich.

Because the library didn't open until nine-Henry's age unfortunately kept him from starting any earlier-Lavi tended to sleep in until eight, meaning it would be another hour before he woke up. Any other circumstances and Allen would've been surprised by this unexpected laziness; during the war Lavi had woken up at six or earlier, to try and get some extra work in before the start of the day. However, Allen knew that Lavi often spent an hour or more on his physical exercises during the nighttime, pushing back his bedtime and exhausting him.

It was dangerous to Lavi's health, and something would need to be said about it. But that was a confrontation for another time.

Allen polished off his third sandwich, and barely managed to restrain himself from making another two (they didn't have enough money to fund his eating habits, dammit). He tucked his coat around his shoulders, plucked his wheelchair from the hook, and opened the door.

Gladdice, their ever friendly, ever nosy neighbor, was peering into the hall with her enormous, beady eyes. As she stared him down with her laser focused gaze, Allen nodded politely, trying not to convey how freaked out he was by this portly, ancient woman. Lavi had surmised that she was probably an undercover assassin, and it spoke volumes that neither Kanda nor Allen argued with him.

Predictably, she slammed the door. Allen winced slightly, before continuing down the hall.

The sun sat heavy over the horizon, still too early to be anything more than a big, bright decoration in the sky. The smell of the morning dew drifted in along with all the other scents of the city, and Allen just took a second to breath it all in, enjoying the slight chill of the air. This was his favorite time of day-when the sun had only risen a few hours ago, and night still clung to the city like a grasping child.

Then he unfolded his chair, carefully settled into it, and rolled down the street toward the local market. Another reason this was his favorite time of day-the market was only just now setting up, which meant that there were few people, and all the best produce was his for the taking. Maybe it was a little selfish of him, only thinking of his stomach, but he had just fought in a war, dammit. He deserved a little luxury once in awhile.

(It was pure coincidence that there were less people outside at this time, less people to stare at him and whisper about him like he was some sort of disease incarnate.)

After he finished buying what he wanted (he couldn't wait to see Lavi and Kanda's face when they realized he'd brought home a steak for them to share), he went down to the river. Generally this was the only time Allen ever got out of the apartment-stairs were such a challenge these days, he could really only make one trip up and down them-so he liked to make the most of his time. The river was something he could stare at for ages, alone with his thoughts.

However today things were going to be a little different; after all, he was the one tasked with calling Miriam. So he pulled a small, dog-eared paperback fantasy from his backpack, flipped to his most recent stopping point, and settled in to wait.

When 11 came around, Allen closed his book and put it back in his bag. Then he removed the transmitter from his pocket, and took a second to examine its smooth, round features. It was a dull, matte black, and about the size of a marble, perfect for concealing in his clothes. After glancing around to check for passersby, Allen pressed down on a button to activate the tiny machine. There was a few seconds delay as it booted up, before four brightly colored circles appeared on its surface.

Allen carefully touched the blue circle, and waited for the call to connect.

"Allen Walker, thank you for calling." Miriam said cheerfully the moment she picked up.

"Hello Miriam." Allen responded smoothly, feeling a little silly talking to a small, black ball. "I trust you've been well?"

"Peachy." She said, though there was a wicked note in her voice that implied that there was a bit more to it than that. However, since she neglected to elaborate, Allen figured it was none of his business. "Have you and Lavi made up yet?"

Allen winced at that, embarrassed that his and Lavi's argument had been so obvious, even to a complete stranger. He wasn't entirely sure that they were okay yet, either-their conversations were still awkward and stilted, as they tried to figure out their still tender friendship. At the very least it was better than it'd been a week ago, when they couldn't even be in the same room together.

Eventually he decided on, "It's...getting there."

Miriam laughed a little, her voice tinny through the tiny speakers. "That's better than nothing, I suppose. Every friendship has its ups and its downs."

Allen almost thought about disagreeing-about explaining to her that no, several weeks of not speaking to each other was not normal-but held his tongue. He wasn't really interested in pursuing the topic, especially with someone who was essentially a complete stranger. He cleared his throat, mentally tip-toed over the subject, and said, "Both Kanda and Lavi have found work." Then, realizing that she might not approve, he quickly added, "We weren't entirely sure how long we'd be staying here, but…"

"No, that was a good idea." Miriam sounded pleasantly surprised. "I wouldn't want you guys to trap yourselves in the apartment. That's a good way to keep active over the next few weeks."

There was a heavy pause.

"So it's...looking like it's going to be for that long, huh." Allen muttered. It wasn't a question.

"Perhaps longer." Miriam responded, sounding genuinely apologetic. "We've decided to keep you there until Bao Lei has been neutralized. It's the safest option."

"Until she's been-" Allen broke off. His barely maintained calm, which had been shaky enough as it was, shattered. "That could take years! We can't stay here that long!"

"Is Berlin really so bad?" Miriam responded lightly.

And the truth was that-

It wasn't. Berlin was fine, Berlin was a beautiful city with beautiful sights. If Allen was any other person, with any other past, he would quite liked to have lived in Berlin. It wasn't the city itself which was the problem.

The problem was that, despite the fact that it was for their protection, and despite the fact that it was quite nice, Berlin was a prison. Allen had allowed them to put him here because it was a cage he had given consent to-nevertheless, it was still a cage. He wanted to travel; he wanted to see new places, discover the world without the war nipping at his heels. And now-

He had sworn that he wasn't going to hide anymore.

"This was only supposed to be until we got the mole out of headquarters." Allen growled into the machine, feeling his temper beginning to slip. "Why have you-" He stopped, looked away for a moment to regain some composure; this wasn't Miriam's decision, nor was it her fault. Something clenched around his lungs, making it hard to breath. "...they….decided to change their minds?"

For a second Miriam didn't respond; the only indication that she was still in the call was the blinking of the blue call button. He almost wondered if she was debating leaving the conversation entirely. Then she said, serious for the first time, "Allen, the truth is that Bao Lei is far more determined than we realized."

He sat back in the chair, unable to process this vague statement. "Explain."

"We found the mole closest to Komui, the one who poisoned you." Miriam said, her voice devastating in its quietness. "I'm sorry, but I can't tell you who it was."

Allen remained silent. He didn't care who it was, as long as they were no longer able to hurt anyone.

She took the lack of response as a que to continue. "There are several more hidden in the Black Order, and we're slowly but surely weeding them out. However, while we've been distracted by them, Bao Lei has been unraveling our influence elsewhere. You're safe in Europe-this is our domain. But if you were to leave now…" There was some rustling noises over the connection; probably a shrug. "Komui wants me nearby."

Allen felt cold.

He had thought that they'd be here for a few months, at the most. He had assumed this not based on any actual information, but because he simply didn't want to imagine staying for any longer. As long as he was here, he was powerless. He had no way to fight back against the people slandering his name, and no easy way to keep aware of the situation. It was nerve-wracking, especially for a person who had, for several months, been trapped in their own head.

He was terrified.

"Thank you for letting me know." He said blankly. There was an odd buzzing in his ears; Miriam's voice was audible, but no words were actually discernible. It was a bit of a relief; he wasn't sure he wanted to hear any more of what she had to say. His numb fingers fumbled with the red button, and the call was terminated.

Allen stared at the little black marble for a moment, watching as the lights dimmed with a sense of detachment. Then, he turned his chair around, and wheeled back up the hill.

The ride back to the apartment was a blur; looking back, he would barely be able to remember it, so out of his head was he. He noticed the concerned stares he was getting from other people, but did not react to them; he noticed the fine weather, but was unable to enjoy it. For that brief time he existed only in the barest sense, devoid of anything other than the need to get home.

He mechanically folded up his chair-

Walked up the stairs-

Entered the apartment-

Lavi and Kanda were at the table, eating lunch. Kanda had clearly just gotten back from a shift on the farm; his face was damp and a smudge of dirt crested over his eye. Lavi was hovering over a something, his face in a thoughtful frown; probably something from work he had thought looked interesting and decided to do some extra research on. They both had sandwiches; probably cheese and some sort of meat.

The looked up simultaneously when Allen entered, quickly catching sight of the horrible, devoid expression on his face.

"Allen?" Lavi asked, putting down his pencil.

Allen finally-finally-allowed himself to crumple on his shaky legs, the wheelchair clattering on the floor next to him. Air rushed from him, into him, too fast, too fast-he felt light-headed and dizzy, as though he were about to pass out.

Urgent hands forced his head between his knees, and a calm, soothing voice pierced the absolute panic. "Come on, Allen, come on. Breath in for me, nice and slow, breathe out…"

He tried to do as he was ordered, and managed a huge, shuddering gasp that ended in a harsh stutter. The voice seemed unphased, simply ordered him to take another breath, and another, to breathe slow, nice and slow-

Allen grasped the shreds of his control, and whispered, "We're trapped here."

The voice paused in the middle of telling him to breathe out. "What was that?"

He looked up, and found Lavi's face, grey meeting surprised green. There was a pressure on his neck that he hadn't noticed at first-Kanda had apparently been the one to shove his head down. If he had been feeling less likely to shake apart, he would've been surprised and grateful about this. As it was- "We escaped one cage. Now we're trapped in another. I don't-I-"

He couldn't continue. Kanda's hand pressed his head back down, and this time Allen let it happen.

They stayed like that for a long time, every one of them feeling utterly helpless.