Allen spent the next few days taking his foul mood out on Kanda when they sparred-or well, he tried to. After all, the samurai didn't have muscle atrophy, and was not missing a limb, so he had a strong advantage. Even so, exhausting himself trying to beat the shit out of his friend was more therapeutic than he thought it would be.

The other two took the news far better than Allen had-Lavi outright admitted that he wasn't surprised by the fact that they would be stuck in Berlin much longer than they had originally assumed. Kanda was more annoyed by the fact that they hadn't been informed of this until after they'd already settled in-he hated surprises.

Bitterly, Allen supposed that the reason for his panic attack was because of past trauma; lucky him.

It was just-the other two didn't understand what it had been like, being an unwilling host of a Noah; they didn't understand the complete loss of autonomy. They didn't know what it felt like to wake up in a completely different place than you'd gone to sleep, hands covered in blood, body aching. That loss of control, that feeling of free-fall with no bottom in sight-that felt far too much like this. Allen needed control of all aspects of himself, more than he'd needed anything else in his life.

He...was not going to get his wish, he knew that. The Black Order could not afford to cater to his trauma, not when the war was still continuing, albeit a different battleground.

But for now, he was determined to ignore that. It was especially easy to ignore right now, slaving over a crossword puzzle, Kanda and Lavi bickering loudly over his head...

"You're wrong, you know that, right? You're absolutely full of bullshit."

Deep in thought, Allen trapped his tongue between his front teeth, turning the crossword puzzle and squinting at it, deeply. Maybe if he looked at it from a different angle, he could figure out what that word was…

"I'm wrong?" Kanda scoffed, glaring down Lavi with a rather ferocious look. If it had been anyone else, they would have cowered in fear before it. As it was, Lavi was far too used to dealing with Kanda's foul moods to be affected. "You're definitely mistaken, you stupid rabbit. I was not defeated by that fucking Noah, I defeated him but the gate closed before I could go through-"

Allen's eyebrow twitched as the voices in the background increased in volume, but gritted his teeth and soldiered on, determined to ignore it. He only had a couple more words left-if he could just figure them out…!

"That counts as losing Kanda! Defeating the enemy but not coming back definitely counts as losing!" Lavi shook his head, aggravated by the argument. He sighed and sat back in his chair, staring across the table mulishly.

Allen filled in a letter-there just had to be an e there…

Kanda gestured widely with his hands, obviously as done with the argument as Lavi was. "It counts as winning if I win, fucking-"

"Can you two keep it down a little?" Allen demanded, throwing his pen down on the newspaper, irritated almost beyond words. He sat back and folded his arm across his chest, knowing that it didn't quite have the effect he was going for, but not caring in the slightest. "I am trying to finish this crossword puzzle, thank you, and your-screaming-is very distracting!"

The two men glanced at each other, disgust etched into their expressions-but then Lavi let out a soft noise, and leaned forward. There was a suspicious gleam in his eyes, a triumphant one, which made Kanda shift a little in his seat. Allen huffed softly, amused-clearly, Kanda sensed that defeat was near.

"Don't you agree, Allen?" Lavi asked, grinning a little. "That if you defeat an enemy but die in the process, that isn't winning?"

Allen glanced between the two of them, bemused-and then recognition dawned in his eyes, and he sat back, scowling deeply. "Nu-uh, no way. I'm not getting involved in this." His chin jerked a little. "Besides, when have we ever been in that kind of situation? Why is that relevant?"

Lavi rolled his eyes at Allen, just barely resisting the urge to smack the other exorcist over the back of the head. Not everyone has photographic memory, he reminded himself, as the fight in question played overtop of Allen's vaguely annoyed expression in his mind.

If he had looked at Kanda, however-if he'd thought to glance over-

He would've noticed the ex-samurai tense.

"When Kanda was fighting that sweet-tooth Noah." Lavi explained impatiently, eager to get back to the topic at hand. "Anyway, we need someone-"

"Wait, slow down." Allen frowned, eye growing distant and a little unfocused as he thought. As the silence persisted, Lavi's lips turned downward slightly, letting his joking manner fade. There was something else going on here, something that he didn't understand. Why was Allen looking at them like that, like he was a million miles away?

The pause lengthened, stretched, strained, and then-

He shook his head slowly, furrowing his eyebrows at the ground. "I...don't remember Kanda fighting a sweet-tooth Noah. When was this?"

Kanda stepped in before Lavi could say anything, his expression hooded and dark, and a little...sad? "Do you remember fighting on the Noah's Ark?"

Lavi glanced at him sharply, but said nothing. It was an odd question, though-how could Allen forget? That had been a major turning point of the war.

"Fighting on-" A shudder rippled through Allen's shoulders, and somehow his gaze became a little more vacant. "Couldn't I always control the…" But his voice trailed off before he could finish that thought, and he began blinking rapidly, strangely. The pen dropped from his limp fingers.

Finally, Lavi couldn't control himself any longer. He leaned into Kanda's space and whispered, "Kanda?"

Kanda che'd softly, jerking his chin in Lavi's direction, a silent We'll talk about it later. He rose from his chair and made his way over to Allen's side, carefully taking one shoulder and guiding the distracted exorcist down so he could lie on his back. Allen was strangely docile as all this occurred, eyelids fluttering and jerking, seemingly too lost in his own mind to protest.

Lavi watched this process, bemused at the softness Kanda was showing the other exorcist, the one he'd so claimed to hate. But the ex-samurai's hands were gentle on Allen's shoulder, and the way Kanda looked at the younger boy was so infinitely sad, it made Lavi's insides ache. There was something here he wasn't seeing, something that he hadn't been informed of-something that Kanda, apparently, already knew.

The several weeks when he and Allen hadn't been speaking suddenly felt that much more vast. Guilt, familiar but unwelcome, curled up in the hollow below his throat.

Kanda turned away from Allen, closing his eyes and pressing his lips together, as though composing himself. Then he sighed and rose from his crouch, slowly making his way back over to the table, looking almost three times his age.

Lavi waited for the samurai to speak, not wanting to push, lest Kanda clam up completely.

Kanda stared into his tea for a second, his gaze almost as distant as Allen's had been. But then he realized that Lavi was staring at him, and his shoulders tensed abruptly.

"What?" Kanda barked finally, glaring at Lavi.

"Don't give me that." Lavi responded, fixing Kanda with a hard look. "What was that? Why is he…" He looked over, and grimaced a little at Allen's face. The boy was pale as a sheet, eyelid flickering madly, his lips mouthing something that probably no one in the house could interpret. He looked, in a word, terrible.

He looked back at Kanda, and met a hard, unflinching wall.

Lavi shook his head impatiently, frustration bubbling up in his chest like acid. He was tired of keeping secrets from the others, and once more he felt a soft pang of grief for The Bookman. While their job had been tedious and difficult, their relationship had been easy-they trusted each other completely, full stop. There had been no place for secrets between them, not like this strained household, bursting with words unsaid. "Listen, if this is going to be a problem, I need to know about it. I need to know why it happens, and how to help him."

Kanda opened his mouth, expression twisted, like he was going to say something angry-

And then he closed it, slowly, and let his fingers wrap around his tea cup.

"...I don't like the idea of telling you this behind his back." He said quietly, his eyes hooded and dark. "But I can't see him telling you on his own, and you need to know."

Lavi acknowledged the little sting of hurt that caused, and then let it slip by. He had come to terms with the fact that while they were getting better, they were still not as close as they had been. He folded his arms in front of him, settling in for a long talk.

"I don't really understand it myself." Kanda began, drawing his thumb along the rim of the teacup, dispersing the droplets that had gathered there. "What I do know is that the Noah, when it was inside of him...it won because it made him forget who he was."

Lavi drew back at that, feeling his heart drop into his shoes. "So-so you're saying-"

Kanda nodded, confirming that horrible statement with a dark, unforgiving look. For once, though, Lavi knew that Kanda wasn't angry with him. "That bastard made the beansprout forget he was an exorcist, and...and everything else he had ever been through."

Lavi sat back in his seat, digesting this information with no small amount of horror. He hadn't been there for the trial, so he hadn't known what Allen had gone through while he had been separated from the Order. But this-he didn't need to look at Kanda to know that the process had been slow, Allen had known about it, and similarly known that there was no way he could have fought it. Allen was too strong-there was no way he would've gone down without fighting every single step of the way.

"I...see." Lavi murmured, pushing away thoughts of the anguish Allen must have felt about his slow, inescapable fall. Then his gaze sharpened. "So then...there are just memories that he...what, didn't get back?"

Kanda grimaced. "Not...exactly. It's a bit more complicated than that. I don't understand what he means, but...apparently, the Noah hadn't destroyed his memories. He'd just...taken them away?" Kanda wrinkled his nose.

"He stole Allen's memories and kept them from him." Lavi whispered in awe, unsure of how to feel about that. "I hadn't even realized that was possible, but then again, the science of the soul is still so new-"

He broke off when he realized that Kanda was glaring at him. "Not…." He laughed nervously, realizing that he'd just gone off on a crazy tangent. "Not that I'm getting any ideas!" It was an interesting thought though…

"You'd better not be." Kanda growled, then waved a hand dismissively. "But the point is, when the Noah left, he didn't just give the brat's memories back. They basically got thrown all over his soul, in random directions."

"And Allen has trouble finding them." Lavi gasped quietly, now more excited than he had been before. He immediately began making a bunch of mental notes, so he could write them down later-this was all so interesting! This was a completely new field of study, untouched by anyone else-the things they could discover-

"It's rare when he forgets people, or entire battles." Kanda was saying, causing Lavi to break off from his mental tangent. He focused back on the conversation, aware that Kanda wouldn't appreciate his distraction. "He forgets names more often, or little things."

"So…" Lavi tilted his head. "Anything after the Noah leaving, he's fine with that, right?"

Kanda nodded, his lips curling in disgust. "He remembers the names of every single little old lady in town. It's disgusting."

"It's not disgusting," A sleepy voice interjected behind them. The other two turned around, finding Allen sat up on the couch, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes. "It's called being polite, Bakanda."

For a second, they all stared at each other, frozen; Kanda impassive, Allen blinking tiredly at them, Lavi looking nervously over at him. Then Allen sighed quietly and got up, leaning over to pick up the pen on the floor as he did so. There was an exhaustion about him, an air of weariness that sunk into the room, tainting the whole atmosphere.

"He needed to know it." Allen said finally, and Lavi relaxed.

"You're damn right he did." Kanda growled in response, scowling at their roommate, though it didn't feel as genuine as usual. "How do you think he felt, watching you pass out like that?"

Allen shrugged half-heartedly, frowning down at the pen like it had caused him a personal offense. After a second he said, "I'm sorry if my...episode...caused you any distress. I didn't…" He shrugged again. "If it happens again, just sit me down somewhere. I can't really do anything about it."

Lavi was speechless for a moment, staring at his friend, who was hunched over, like he was preparing to get yelled at. Yelled at for-what, for having a mental episode due to his psyche getting destroyed by a psychopathic Noah?

"Allen…" Lavi said softly. "I'm not-I'm not mad about your episode. I wish you had told me earlier, but I…" He looked away, regretful. "I suppose we didn't have the opportunity to talk about it before. That was my fault."

"You're not the only one at fault." Allen said firmly, quickly. Lavi looked back up at him, a little surprised by the steel in Allen's voice, considering how defeated he'd sounded earlier. "I...should've been able to tell that something else was bothering you. No-I knew something else was bothering you, but I didn't ask." He took a deep breath, and said, "I'm sorry, too."

Lavi stared at Allen, a little gobsmacked. He hadn't been expecting an apology from Allen, considering that he had been the one to cause their divide in the first place. But now that he'd gotten one, now that he had one, he felt some bitter, angry part of himself ease ever so slightly. Because it hadn't just been Lavi; it had been Allen too. Ignoring each other was so much easier when the other person was willing to participate.

Lavi smiled unexpectedly. He hadn't known he'd needed that until he'd gotten it. "Thank you, Allen. And I forgive you."

They stared at each other for a second, simply smiling; for once, there was no tension in the air whatsoever. Not even the weird kind, which had permeated their house for the past few days as Allen and Lavi's friendship shifted to try and fit in its new mold.

"That's nice and all." Kanda growled, his nose wrinkled like he was smelling something foul, "But we need to talk."

And just like that the happy bubble popped.

Allen and Lavi turned to look at the ex-samurai, expressions twin pictures of confusion.

"What do we need to talk about?" Allen asked, slowly sitting back down on the couch he'd just vacated.

Kanda took an almost imperceptible breath, fingers tightening around his tea cup. For the first time, Lavi realized that he looked...nervous, almost. High-strung. Lavi wondered if maybe Kanda had been picking fights earlier not because he'd actually had any sort of opinion on the subject, but because he'd been looking for a fight. That sounded like him.

"The flu is going around at work."

Allen and Lavi glanced at each other, confused. Why should that possibly-

Then Lavi sucked in a sharp gasp, leaning away from Kanda, feeling a bit faint. Because healthy people could handle the flu; healthy people would have almost no problem fighting it off. But two people whose immune systems had already been weakened by muscle atrophy…

Allen glanced between the two of them, not understanding. "What is it?" He demanded, clearly sensing the gravity of the situation, even if he didn't quite get it. "The flu is dangerous, but no unmanageable."

"Do you think you and I can really afford to get sick right now?" Lavi asked, rubbing his face with his hands-and then he promptly set them down, resisting the urge to pour boiling water on them. Just in case there was any unwanted viruses.

"The rabbit is right." Kanda said heavily. "Right now the flu would be dangerous. For you especially." He nodded in Lavi's direction. "From now on I'm going to start wearing a mask at home. If I get sick, which I might," He glared at the two of them threateningly, "Then I want you two to lock me in a bedroom until I get better."

Allen looked incredulous. "You want us to-to quarantine you?"

"It's the smartest option." Lavi said thoughtfully, forcing his fingers to drum against the table, rather than cradle his face. "As long as we supply him with fresh water, food, and ice packs, he should be okay."

Judging by the mulish expression on Allen's face, he disagreed.

"Listen," Kanda growled, rising from his seat a little bit in a show of intimidation. "I don't need someone mother henning me when I'm sick. If I get it, which I haven't yet, then it'll probably only last a week, at the most."

"That's not necessarily true," Allen responded calmly, though it was obvious that he was beginning to lose his temper. Kanda had this way of pissing him off without even trying, really. It was an incredible thing to watch. "The flu is dangerous, even to normal people. It needs to be monitored, just in case."

Even Lavi felt a little skeptical about that, but sat back and let Kanda handle it. If it got really out of hand he'd interject something, but right now he was interested to see how the samurai would respond.

"Do I look like I'd let some little disease kill me?" Kanda scoffed. Which, typical.

Allen seemed to agree with Lavi, because he rolled his eyes at Kanda. "I've seen it kill a twenty-year-old acrobat who's never gotten sick in his life, so."

That made them all pause.

"What?" Asked Lavi.

"What?" Allen asked in response.

"When did you-how many acrobats do you know?" Kanda demanded, looking absolutely incensed. "Didn't that stupid bastard raise you?"

"I grew up in a circus!" Allen looked defensive, almost a little regretful, as he spoke. Almost like he hadn't meant to say that at all. "There was one time a flu hit the camp, and-" He shook his head. "It killed three people. They were all incredibly healthy beforehand, and after they just..."

That drove them all back into silence for a second, as they digested what they had just been told. Kanda looked as though he'd just swallowed a lemon, his mouth twisted up in a fierce grimace. Meanwhile, Lavi carefully stowed the tidbit in the folder in his mind labeled Allen Walker. It was extremely rare when Allen actually talked about his past willingly.

But more to the point...

"Actually," Lavi said slowly, catching the other two's attention, "I also agree with Allen on this point." He fixed the other teen with a glare before he could get too triumphant. "But we also can't afford to get sick at this point."

"So what do you recommend?" Allen asked, leaning forward and resting his elbows on his knees.

Lavi thought for a moment, chewing his bottom lip between his teeth. There was a lot of danger to consider here; neither he nor Allen could afford to get sick right now, but neither could they afford to leave Kanda alone. As much as he'd like to say 'quarantine him and give him a few days to get over his sickness'...

"We...we quarantine him, as planned." Lavi began.

"I don't get a say in this?" Kanda demanded. "I'm the theoretically ill person in this situation-"

Allen shushed the samurai quickly.

"And then we check up on him, twice a day, wearing disposable masks and gloves." Lavi continued, content to ignore the interjection. "That way, we avoid the risk of getting sick, but we can still check up on him. There is still some risk, but…"

"It's better than nothing." Allen muttered firmly, clenching his fist on his pant legs.

Only then did Lavi turn to Kanda, whose annoyed expression had faded into blank neutrality over the past few seconds. They observed each other for a second, the moment feeling oddly...weighty.

"Does his majesty approve?" Lavi asked dryly.

"Che." Kanda muttered. "I still think I don't need a babysitter."

Exasperated with the samurai's surly attitude, Lavi rolled his eyes. "Your opinion has been duly noted."

Several days later, Allen walked into the kitchen, his arm laden with his wheelchair and groceries. After having daily fights with Kanda his muscle strength was improving a lot; he had only needed to take one break on the stairs today, rather than two. So he was feeling rather good about himself when he walked in on the Bookman Jr. hunched over the table, hair a red curtain around his folded arms.

Allen paused in the doorway a second, before nudging the wheelchair against the wall and shutting the door behind him. He made his way deeper into the house, watching his friend, bemused.

"Lavi?" He asked curiously, putting away the milk into the icebox. The odd silence, the heavy tension, was beginning to make him a little nervous. "Is something the matter?"

Lavi didn't respond for a second, but his breath did hitch oddly in his throat, like he was trying not to choke on something. Or like he was trying desperately not to cry.

Gentler now but with considerable more urgency-something was definitely wrong-Allen sank into the chair next to his friend. He laid his hand on Lavi's shoulder, struggling to find the right words to say to him.

He was saved from this struggle by a piece of paper-a telegram?-being slid wordlessly across the table toward him. He paused for a second, surprised by the strange behavior, but obligingly picked up the paper and read it over.

It took a second for the words to process, but-

"No." Allen gasped softly, a terrible pit opening up in his gut. He turned toward the redhead, throwing one arm around his friend's shoulders. Lavi didn't even seem to notice it. "No, Lavi-"

"Yes." Lavi whispered, staring at his shaking hands, eyes tearless and devoid of all emotion. "The Bookman is dead."