Allen stared out across the river, motionless. He felt as though his insides had been opened up and rubbed raw, vulnerable and aching. Kanda's words-the kids' hostilities-it had all been too much for him. He wanted nothing more than to go back home and hide in his room, pull the covers over his head and pretend the rest of the world wasn't there for a day.

But he could not. There was no way he was going back to the apartment while those-those kids were still in there. He would deal with his problems later. Preferably tomorrow-or preferably never, really.

He sighed, and dipped his head so his nose was resting against his knees, shutting his eyes against the bright sunlight overhead. He had thought things would be easier, after the war. After his trial. After...Neah. It never got easier, though. Things just seemed to get worse and worse. And he just didn't know how to fix it.

Allen was so focused on his introspection that he didn't notice the sound of footsteps creeping up behind him. Not until the grass crunched, announcing the arrival of an unexpected visitor.

Allen's head shot up, his eyes blowing open wide as he twisted around, trying to get a glimpse of the person. Before he could fully turn around, however-

"I thought I might find you here."

Allen stopped, gaping up at a shock of bright red hair, and a single green eye.

"L-Lavi?" He gasped out, half rising to his feet, but paused when Lavi waved him off, and instead sat down in the grass next to him.

"Hi, Allen." Lavi said, smiling tiredly. His hair was drooping limply over his headband, and the bags beneath his eyes were startlingly dark. However he was out of his room, and seemed to be reasonably functional, which was better than the past few days had been.

"Are you okay?" Allen asked, frowning at his friend, then realized what a stupid question that was. He shook his head, annoyed with himself-obviously his friend wasn't okay-before correcting, "How have you been doing?"

Lavi looked out over the water, expression thoughtful, considering the ripples of light across the muddy surface. For a moment he looked so sad, Allen wanted to reach out and pull him in for a hug. Or something. Whatever it took to wipe that melancholy frown off of his face.

"I've...been better." He decided eventually, curling his fingers into the fabric around his knees.

Allen let out a choked, somewhat relieved laugh at that. "You're doing a lot better than I did when I lost Mana." Then he clamped down on his mouth, wondering why the hell he'd said something like that. He didn't want to talk about his deceased father, let alone with Lavi. Plus, what if that was an insensitive thing to say, and now Lavi hated him forever-

But Lavi shot him a hesitant, questioning look-but it was so tired and pleading, as though he were asking for help.

Allen's thoughts quieted, became steady. Okay.

This time Allen was the one who settled his gaze on the far bank, unable to look at his friend when he said, "I, uh...had a depressive episode. For about a year. I wouldn't do...anything, basically. I couldn't. Cross, ah…" He let out a soft bark of laughter. "He holds that year over my head a lot. I wouldn't be alive without him."

There was a moment of silence, where those words sat between the two of them, heavy and dark like molasses. Lavi didn't shift, didn't make a move, almost like he was too scared to break the atmosphere. Or too tired and uncaring.

Then he let out the shuddering breath he'd been holding in. It rattled the both of them, settled them more than any words ever could.

"W-Well." Allen breathed, and then continued more forcefully, "That's all in the past." He turned to Lavi. "I'm sure you didn't come out here just to-to talk about this. Was there something you needed?"

Lavi blinked at him, startled, before his face went from mild and serious to dark and ashamed. He looked aside at the ground, took a fortifying breath, and then turned to look Allen dead in the eye. "I wanted to apologize."

Bewildered, Allen cocked his head to one side. "Whatever for?" Surely he didn't mean for hiding in his room for two days. That was understandable-he'd needed to grieve. Allen had just told him about his major depressive episode when Mana had died, he knew better than anyone how death affected a person.

"I-I heard what...what those two said." Lavi said awkwardly, and his gaze wavered. "I heard you, uh. Knocking. And I just…" He shrugged, and his courage finally waned as his eye found the grass again. "I should've stepped in. You needed help, and I ignored that. I'm sorry."

In a small voice, Allen said, "Oh."

"If it makes you feel any better, I told them all off for you." Lavi was quick to continue, his voice shaky. "Even Kanda. They were all-they were all unfair to you, and I couldn't-." He broke off. "I'm only sorry I didn't step in sooner. So, I'm sorry."

"It's…" Allen began, uncertain as how to respond to that. He was uncertain about his own feelings on the subject. On one hand, Lavi had kind of left him to the wolves. But he was still grieving for the Bookman, and Allen knew better than anyone what grief did to a person. Could do to a person. "It's okay, I guess. You're-"

"No." Lavi growled, with surprising intensity. "Don't make excuses for me Allen, not this time. No matter how I'm feeling right now, you're one of my closest friends, and I should've been there for you." He bit his lip, and said in a voice that was forced steady, "The Bookman is gone, but you are not. I shouldn't have forgotten that."

Allen hesitated, fumbled with his words, a little awed by the strength of Lavi's resolve. For a second something twisted in his chest-the desire to have that conviction, that strength. And another emotion was there, too-guilt. Guilt at forcing Lavi to have to be strong for him, to push through the pain of losing his almost-father to come and find Allen. But that sentiment wouldn't be welcomed, so he finally said the only thing he could say: "I...accept your apology, then." Then, as quickly as he could, "But you also shouldn't be so hard on yourself."

Lavi barked out a laugh, a touch wet, but smiled a wide grin and nodded agreeably.

Allen turned away from his friend to look back out at the water, a warm, fuzzy feeling building up in his chest. For perhaps the first time since their argument, he felt completely comfortable in Lavi's presence. It was extremely gratifying, in a way that made him feel as though he was on top of the world.

He had really missed his friend, although it was….regrettable that it would take such a tragedy to bring them together.

He was slightly distracted, however, by Lavi shifting awkwardly next to him, "But you know….that's not entirely what I came out to do either."

"Oh?" Allen asked mildly, feeling his shoulders tense up around his ears.

Lavi grimaced, sensing the dangerous edge behind Allen's words. "Kanda...he wants you to come back. It's dangerous for you to be out here alone."

Allen paused, grimacing around the sour taste in his mouth. Because it was true, after all-he was the last person who should be out alone. But he just- "Are those kids gone?" Allen asked, not looking at Lavi.

"No." Lavi said, but before Allen could respond, "They-they would really like to talk to you. I think they want to apologize."

"And what if it's a trap?" Allen asked plaintively, tightening his arm around his legs at the thought of it. "They-they wanted me dead earlier. Why would they change their opinion about me now?"

There was a moment of silence, and Allen bit his lip, feeling heat beginning to gather behind his eye. He just-he just wanted to go somewhere he felt safe. He had thought that the apartment was mostly okay, especially with Kanda around, but now-

"Allen."

He was jolted out of his increasingly darker thoughts by a hand on his shoulder, turning him slightly so they were facing each other. Lavi stared into his eye, brows canted into a deep V, and said, "You don't have to worry about that, Allen. Kanda and I are here to protect you. We won't let them hurt you."

Allen stared at his friend-at his earnestness, at the determination that spilled onto the planes of his face-and…

He wanted to believe Lavi.

He wanted so badly to trust his friend, to reach out and take the hand that was reaching out to him. And before-before everything, maybe he wouldn't have. Maybe he would've clammed up and told Lavi not to worry, that he had everything under control. But-

That was then.

But-

(I'll entrust my care to you.)

This was now.

"Okay." Allen whispered. Then, more confidently, "Okay."

Lavi smiled at him, squeezing Allen's shoulder and giving him a terse nod. Then he slowly, arduously, struggled to his feet, and offered a hand to Allen.

"Shall we go?"

(The only problem the two did not take into account was the fact that they were both still recovering from muscle atrophy. So when Lavi reached over to help Allen up, he ended up unbalancing the both of them, and sent them tumbling almost into the river.)

Allen gently rested his hand on Lavi's shoulder as his friend took a short break at the top of the stairs. While his stamina had certainly been improving-the result of his almost manic dedication to his physical therapy, no doubt-he still had a long way to go.

Allen used to get pretty frustrated about his own physical weakness; going from being able to do one-handed handstands to having to rest every time he went up a flight of stairs was...beyond discouraging. But after seeing Lavi's situation, after seeing what two years in a coma had done to him, Allen felt just a little better.

He immediately felt guilty for thinking that, but that was beside the point.

Allen shook his head, and leaned closer to his panting friend. "Are you ready to go?"

"One more second." Lavi muttered, rubbing his forehead. "I really...hate stairs."

"I know that feeling." Allen sighed in commiseration, grimacing as he remembered his own misadventures with stairs. Kanda having to carry him up them was a vivid, embarrassing memory that he was desperately trying to forget. "Let me know when you're ready."

Lavi nodded, though his eye was hidden beneath his hand, still resting gently on his forehead. His panting slowed to low, deep breathing; the tension in his shoulders loosened, unfurled beneath Allen's hand. Finally, he let out a deep, tired sigh, and said, "Okay."

Allen helped him up, and they retrieved their wheelchairs from where they were leaning against the wall. Their apartment was dead silent as they neared it, almost eerily so; usually even conversation at a moderate volume was audible, so this lack of sound was odd. Allen had thought that they'd hear something as they approached, but…

He and Lavi exchanged worried glances.

"Do you think they're okay in there?" Allen whispered, not brave enough to actually go inside.

Lavi glanced at him, raising one eyebrow. "Well...let's find out."

And before Allen could stop him, Lavi reached out and opened the door.

Kanda was leaning against the wall in the far corner of the room, probably so he could see all the entrances and exits. Naeem and Aisha were both seated at the table, their shoulders hunched and their faces downcast. When Lavi opened the door, however, they all turned to look toward them, in almost perfect unison.

For a second, silence reigned.

Kanda was the first to move; he separated from the wall, face neutral, and advanced upon Allen. "You stupid beansprout," He said, though it lacked heat, "You can't just leave like that, it's not safe."

Before Allen could respond, Lavi said calmly, "He wouldn't have left if you three hadn't seen fit to chase him out."

Well, that made things awkward again.

"It's-it's all fine." Allen said hurriedly, smiling through his teeth. "No hard feelings. Let's just, ah-"

"No, he's right." Aisha interrupted quietly, rising from her chair and walking over so she could face Allen. "We were...unspeakably rude to you, considering you welcomed us into your home."

Here she paused and turned expectantly toward Naeem, who was glaring at the floor, his expression mulish. He glanced over at his companion and scowled a bit deeper, clearly not entirely on board with this whole 'apologizing to a Noah' thing.

Aisha stepped down on his foot, hard. Naeem rolled his eyes, and said, "We have decided to give you the benefit of the doubt." He finally looked up at Allen, his gaze hard and unforgiving. "However, we would like an explanation. If you are not a Noah, then what are you? Why did you and a Noah wear the same face during the war?"

Allen stared at Naeem, open mouthed. Because-what? What did they mean, if you are not a Noah? Didn't they understand that the Noah wasn't a physical human being, but a non-physical entity which entered people's bodies and controlled them like puppets?

He turned to Kanda and demanded, "Is he serious? Did no one tell them anything about the Noah?"

"It wasn't my job to educate them!" Kanda snarled, apparently deciding to take Allen's words as an accusation. "I was just trying to keep them alive!"

"That's-" Allen shook his head, feeling annoyance rear up in his chest. He turned back to the two very confused finders, and said, as gently as he could, "The Noah are a parasite."

Aisha looked at Allen, then Kanda, and finally at Lavi, as though searching for a proper explanation for that cryptic statement. Clearly she had never heard that before, even though that's what the Noah were. Why hadn't the European branch explained this to them?

But that brought up an even more unsettling question-did literally none of the finders in the Black Order know what a Noah actually was?

It made a certain amount of sense. If people knew they were actually fighting other innocent people who were just possessed, they might become unwilling to fight. The Black Order wouldn't have wanted there to be any hesitation when taking down the Noah. That ignorance was useful during the war, when killing the Noah was a necessity, but-

For people like Allen, it backfired spectacularly after the war.

Allen turned to Lavi, a little desperate. "Lavi, can you…" Explain, he didn't say. Make it right, he meant.

Lavi looked at him for a second, searching, before nodding slowly in response. He stepped forward, caught the attention of the two confused young finders, and began to talk.

He told the story of the great flood, and the fourteen human survivors who considered themselves to be children of God. He told the story of death and rebirth, of secrets that were hidden deep inside the human body. He told the story of hostile takeovers, of people who lost themselves because of greed and great evil.

He told the story of the Noah.

At the end, when Lavi finished his story, there was absolute silence. Allen couldn't tell whether it was Naeem and Aisha digesting what they'd just heard, or whether they were too shocked to speak. He shifted on his feet, nervously picking at a loose thread on his pants.

Finally, Naeem spoke. "Say it's true-"

Kanda let out a growl and took a step forward. "It is, you-"

"Say it's true." Naeem said again, sending a dirty look toward the swordsman. Aisha folded her arms and leaned back against the counter, wary and watching. "Why-why have we never heard about this before?"

"They never told us anything, Naeem." Aisha interjected unexpectedly, her gaze distant even as she spoke. "During the war...would knowing the truth have changed any of our actions? We never asked, so they never told."

"They were worried about compromising your ability to fight the Noah." Kanda finally stepped away from the wall, moving forward to join the gathering. "This idiot-" He jerked his head toward Allen, "Defeated a Noah, and then tried to save the host. We all almost died."

Allen rolled his eye even as he felt a blush rise to his cheeks. "He was an innocent man. I couldn't just leave him."

That response seemed to baffle Naeem and Aisha almost as much as the story had; they both looked simultaneously at Kanda, incredulous. Allen wasn't sure what had confused them so much, but the twin gazes of bewilderment had him stifling a laugh into his palm.

"He's for real." Kanda muttered, his face twisting like he'd rather that not be the case.

"It...it makes sense, though." Aisha muttered suddenly. "They never said why you defected, just that you had."

Allen stared at Aisha blankly, the statement not processing for a second. But then-

There was a buzzing in his ears, like the sound of a thousand wasps, and he stared at Lavi's mouth as he responded, because-was that what they called defecting these days? Sending the apocryphal to murder him in his jail cell, then getting rescued by their sworn enemies, the Noah? Was that what they were telling people, that he had run away from their prison and become one with the enemy?

No wonder they all wanted him dead. No wonder the people from the Black Order had spat at him and called him a traitor. They didn't know the truth-they barely knew half the truth.

Abruptly, a small laugh burbled up from the base of his throat, interrupting whatever Lavi had been saying. He was helpless to stop it.

"What?" Naeem spat.

"I didn't defect!" Allen said, feeling a little hysterical, and wiped away the tears in his eye. "The Black Order locked me in their shithole of a prison and apocryphal tried to kill me! I barely escaped with my life!"

Kanda and Lavi abruptly stopped what they were doing in favor of staring at Allen, but-he couldn't stop laughing. Because wasn't that fucking rich. That was the funniest thing anyone had said to him in the last several months. That he defected, like some rogue exorcist who had gotten tired of the Black Order's bullshit.

A light touch on his arm startled him so badly that he nearly jumped out of his skin, but it was just Lavi. The Bookman Jr. was giving him a soft, concerned look, but it was enough to stop Allen's laughing fit in its tracks, because-

If he kept going, he would start crying. And there was no way in hell he was going to break down in front of Naeem and Aisha.

"What...exactly happened?" Kanda asked slowly. "The night you escaped from the Black Order."

"Hold on." Lavi interrupted, raising his hand to stop Allen before he could even begin to try to explain. "This is all well and good-I'm interested in the story myself-but there's a far more pressing question I have." He turned to Naeem and Aisha, his face serious. "How the hell did you two find us?"

Naeem and Aisha glanced at each other, faces equally puzzled.

"We…" Aisha began slowly, "There's...not a lot of Japanese people left, especially not in Europe. We followed the rumors."

"You followed me." Kanda said flatly, and Lavi and Allen shared a nervous glance. They hadn't even considered that when they went into hiding-but now that Allen thought about it...the entire island of Japan had been the main target of the Earl's hostile takeover. It would make sense that the only Japanese man in the whole of Germany would attract some attention.

"If they can follow you," Lavi said slowly, "Then Bao Lei certainly can."

"Dammit." Kanda rasped, agitated, and dragged his hand through his hair. "We can't stay here."

"What are you people talking about?" Naeem demanded, his face twisting up. "Why can't-"

"Bao Lei is currently trying to execute me so that she can gain enough influence to takeover the branch in China." Allen explained tiredly, feeling like he wanted to start laughing again. "I'm...not too interested in being found by her, to be honest."

Naeem was staring at him, as though he'd never considered the possibility that there could be people after Allen's life. But honestly it shouldn't have been that much of a surprise; after all, to him and to the rest of the world, Allen was just a Noah scum. He was the embodiment of everything the exorcists had ever hated, had betrayed them and the Order. To the Black Order and Bao Lei, death was too much of a kindness to Allen.

A phantom knife pressed against his throat. He shivered.

"I...see." Aisha said slowly, and looked as though she wanted to say more, but Lavi cut in before she could, all business.

"We need to contact Miriam and leave as soon as possible." The Bookman Jr. said firmly, fingers tapping agitatedly against the table. "If you're here, then Bao Lei can't be that far behind." Then to Allen's surprise he turned to the two finders, his expression grim. "Listen I'm sorry to ask this, but do you think-"

"We'll do whatever it takes to throw them off your trail." Aisha interrupted firmly. "We owe you that much, at least."

"Wait, wait." Allen said, feeling as though the situation was very quickly spinning out of control. He was seriously starting to get tired of that feeling. "It's too dangerous. Going against Bao Lei could potentially ostracize you from the rest of the Order! You should just leave-"

"Not a chance." Unexpectedly it was Naeem who spoke, his handsome face stony. "We've done enough damage-let us help you."

"I-" Allen tried, feeling panic like bile rising up in his throat. "But-"

A hand suddenly clamped down on his arm, stopping him before he could say anything further.

Kanda was staring at him, silent and steady, a rock in the eye of a whirling storm. Allen stared back, and somehow, slowly, found himself beginning to match the samurai's slow breathes. Something in him relaxed, just enough so that he could think.

They did not have a lot of allies right now. They were alone in unknown territory, and their only ally was a strange woman who claimed to be related to Komui. Bao Lei's men were almost certainly on their way, and they would be here within the next couple of days, if they weren't here already. They had to utilize every resource that they could, or risk dying.

They were running out of options, and time. As much as Allen would've liked to have spared Naeem and Aisha from getting involved, they didn't have that luxury.

As much as he didn't like it, it made sense.

"...okay." Allen breathed out, and Kanda's grip loosened. "Okay."

"Good." Kanda stepped away, as though he hadn't just stared down Allen's panic and made it go away, just like that. Lavi was staring at them with one wide, bewildered eye, but the samurai just said, "You two, if you see anyone suspicious, try to throw them off our trail. Hopefully we'll be out of here by tomorrow."

Aisha and Naeem slid to their feet, nodded and responded, "Yes Kanda-sensei."

Then, Naeem hesitated. Aisha was halfway out the door, but she glanced back when she realized that her partner wasn't following her.

The young finder took a deep breath, and moved to stand in front of Allen. "Listen, I'm...sorry."

For a second, Allen was too surprised to speak. Then he realized what was going on, and immediately tried to stop it, cringing as he said, "Oh, please. Don't worry about-it's okay." He forcibly twisted his grimace into an understanding smile. "I was a Noah to you, after all."

"No!" Naeem interrupted, curling his fists at his sides. "No, I misjudged you. And I...I'm sorry for my behavior. You didn't deserve any of it." When he looked up, his eyes were fiery and determined. "Let me make it up to you. Please."

And-

Oh.

Oh.

Allen took a deep, shuddering breath around the something building inside him, something entirely out of his control but so strong it made his whole being tremble. Here was this boy, this child, who had hated him and wanted him dead and Allen had accepted it because it was true, wasn't it, he was a Noah and this was what he deserved but-

But-

You didn't deserve any of it.

Was that true? Did he-

The words were so sweet, and he wanted nothing more than to reach out and take it. Wanted to believe that despite everything, despite being a Noah and killing his father and-and everything-

It was too much.

Allen took another breath, and shoved down the emotions, the thoughts, everything. He packed them all up into a little box and put them on a shelf in the corner, to be studied and dissected at a later date, because,

Not here. Not now, with this crisis hanging over their heads like a storm on the horizon. Later.

"Thank you." He managed to choke out instead.

Naeem nodded once sharply, and turned away. The door clicked behind them, and just like that, they were gone.

"...come on." Lavi muttered. "Let's get moving."

The next day, Kanda woke up with a fever.