Somewhere on Autumn Woods Drive

By Rikku Minouke

Disclaimer: don't own yyh today… or tomorrow… or yesterday

Chapter five

There is just so much to tell you, but one thing is for sure. If I could go back and change things, I'm not sure I would change a single thing because to me, you were my greatest gift. Even if at the time I hadn't fully realized it though.

I lay on my bed staring at the ceiling. My head throbbed lightly from all the crying I had done within the last hour. My parents were both at work but would return a little after four. Which is when I normally would have been well into my shift at Grounds, but after my day I actually called in. Koenma surprisingly was pretty cool about the situation when I talked to him. He didn't ask for details, just made sure I would be back the following day.

I blinked several times, attempting to get the crusties out of my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I let my right hand skim down the side of my face until it dropped to my stomach. There it lay with an open palm.

"Breathe…" I whispered to myself. I took a deep breath trying to loosen the grip my muscles had on my stomach.

My head rested on the pillow top mattress; my king size pillow thrown across the room in one of my crying fits. Another deep breath in to calm my frantic heart. The lids of my eyes sagged in thought as my thumb rubbed a circle above my belly button. The cotton of my shirt slid tenderly against my skin. The face of a man I'd hoped was long gone burned through my mind. A few more tears leaked from my eyes, adding more fuel to the fire in my heart. My hand clenched the fabric at my stomach on its own accord the longer I let his face torment me. How could this one man make me fall this far down?

One last deep breath and I pushed myself up to a sitting position. My head banged a broken melody against my skull. The floor looked like a death trap waiting to be put to work. But I braved it anyways. Scooting to the edge of my queen sized bed, I sniffled in hopes to clearing my nose enough to even my breathing. This was the bed I had found on the curb during move out week two years ago. I remember Yusuke and Kuwabara driving up to my college with Yusuke's green truck to help me snatch it before the garbage men did.

Pushing two books out of the way with my big toe I placed my feet against the hard wood floor. There seemed to be more items on the floor than on my shelf or desk in the room now. My feet touched the ground as my breath left my lungs. Raising my eyes from my black painted toe nails, I noticed it on the dresser by my bedroom door. For a few minutes, if not longer, it felt like my eye lids refused to blink. As if I couldn't afford to lose sight of the one item that caused my tantrum.

The white wand sat on the oak top taunting me. The pink plus sign was like a neon light shining into the night sky. Fresh tears dripped down my cheeks and landing on my knees.

"I'm pregnant…" the whisper sounded like it was too far away to be my own voice. How was I supposed to tell my parents about this? Could I even tell them? Shaking my head, I closed my eyes. Still, the image of that test still presented itself in my mind. A beacon of misery blinking brightly.

Feeling a sob rake through my body, I let it shake my shoulders. His face appeared in the palms of my hands as I stared at them looking for something I couldn't pin point. Sighing heavily, my eyes traced the long strands of red hair, coasting over the pale skin of his face, and drowning in the darkness of his amber eyes. He wasn't even in front of me, the image was a hallucination and I knew it; yet I still felt like he was in front of me. I could hear his self-absorbed laughter as he told pushed me over the edge.

Oh god, he loved to see how far he could push me until I broke. What would be my final straw today before I came crawling back because I had nowhere else to go. Even now, I was tempted to pick up my phone, but I knew better deep down. If I called him, I'd probably hear him laugh and say something like, "That's what you get" or "have fun with that". No…. no, calling him would be the worst idea. He had to stay out of my life. I left college to get away, even moved back in with my parents. This was not going to make me go back to him again.

A child's life with no father is better than a life with that man as a father.

Lifting my head to gaze at the pebbled ceiling I sucked in a breath through my teeth. That last thought confirmed a lot of things though. I was keeping this baby and without the father.

But what about my father….

Shaking my head, I closed my eyes but still felt the sting of the tears forcing themselves out and down my face. Their slow trek down felt hot and unwanted. The skin on my arms twitched beyond my control. It was a weird feeling, my muscles were red hot, but the outer skin was freezing cold. I couldn't control the temperature of my body. Well, really, I couldn't control anything in my body apparently.

I couldn't tell my parents yet, but if I stayed here then they would find out in no time. Keiko will be happy to know that I'm taking Kurama's offer. Even though he didn't realize he'd given it.