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Now, time for some more "heated" Officer Jack and Elizabeth.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
The kids' last day of school was a few days after returning home. Needless to say, they were very excited. They couldn't wait to spend the summer outdoors on the new property, more time off-roading with Jack, and no homework to worry about.
Jack and I were both home when they jumped off the bus and tore across the yard to the front steps. Alex leaped into Jack's arms and Max into mine.
"Kids, Jack and I want to talk to you about something," I started and immediately had their attention.
"Are we going now?" Max asked.
"Going where?" I asked him since I hadn't even told them what we were doing.
"To get a puppy!"
My eyes slowly lifted to Jack to find his lips pinched together and his eyes scanning the yard.
"And, what makes you think we're getting a puppy?" I asked Max, already pretty confident I knew the answer.
"Dad told us," Alex answered.
"Oh, really."
The children giggled, and Jack's eyes slowly tracked back to me.
"Sorry."
"You couldn't keep this one secret?"
"They were excited, and technically, we'd already told them."
"I think someone else is a bit excited, too," I said to him.
"Possibly."
"We already know what we want, too," Alex informed me.
"Well, I guess I have been left out of this loop." I eyed Jack, and he quickly looked out across the lawn again. "Alright, I give up. What are we getting?"
"A Siberian Husky!" Max shouted and jumped to his feet.
"And her name will be Keesha," Alex added.
"When was all this decided?" I asked.
"When you were on the beach," Max answered.
I looked at Jack and waited for him to look at me. Feeling the burning gaze on his cheek, he finally turned his head. "I'm sorry. I've always wanted one, so I started showing the kids photos one night. And one thing led to another, and we started looking around the area."
"And you already found one, didn't you?"
"Yeah."
Okay, this was a whole new look in his eyes. I have never met a man who could show so many different expressions with a simple glance. But now, he looked like a child begging for a pony – or in this case, a puppy. How could I say no to this? And THREE of them! All three were staring at me with those puppy dog eyes.
"Fine. Let's go see her."
"Yay!" Max and Alex shouted and ran across the yard.
"You're gonna get it later," I warned Jack.
"Oh, I hope so," he remarked as he slid across the step until his hip was against mine.
"A Siberian husky?"
"Yes. They are amazing, and I have wanted one since I was a kid."
"I do like them, too. But what if I hadn't?"
"Then we would find a different breed."
"Really? After showing the kids photos and picking one out."
"Well, I was taking a chance that you'd be okay with it. Was I wrong?" he asked sincerely.
"No. You weren't wrong." There was nothing left for me to do except concede. What I wasn't going to do was let Jack know that I loved huskies and had always wanted another one, too. I didn't want to give him that satisfaction, and I did want him to try to make it up to me that night. I had begging in mind as well.
Later that evening, we returned home with our new family member. Jack drove while I held her. And yes, I fell in love with her on our short trip back. She had two piercing blue eyes, she was curled up on my lap, and her head rested on my hand. She was perfect.
Once home, the kids spent the next two hours playing with her. She was adorable and hilarious to watch as she rotated through each of her toys, never knowing which one to stop on. She would chase one of the kids, get sidetracked by a bone, then chase the other. Often, she ran to me, and I would lift her onto my lap, get some puppy kisses, then she was off to her next chew rope. "I see who her favorite is," Jack commented after Keesha ran to me for the fourth time.
"It's still early," I teased, while receiving more Keesha kisses. I placed her on the floor and watched as she started chasing Max through the living room.
Jack slid across the couch, put an arm behind me, and kissed my cheek. "She's perfect, isn't she?"
"Yeah, she's alright." I told him.
"Just alright?"
"Sure, she's sweet."
"Uh-huh. You're sure taking a lot of kisses for 'just alright.'"
"I don't want to hurt her feelings. She's just a puppy," I said straight faced.
"Mom, watch this," Max called out as he ran around a chair with Keesha on his heels.
I laughed because the poor pup was just about to snatch his pantleg when he jumped onto the chair. She placed her front paws on the edge of the seat, hopping up and down, but unable to make it up to Max.
"I think you like her," Jack whispered into my ear.
"Eh." I shrugged my shoulders, and Jack gave up his quest to get me to admit that I liked her. Win for me.
...
Jack was lying in bed, nude, with his leg, thigh, and torso uncovered when I walked into the room. I simply gave him a look and walked straight to the bathroom.
"Beth?" he called out. "Is something wrong?"
I didn't answer him. Instead, I brushed my teeth, let my hair down and ran a comb through it, then slipped into something and threw on my robe. When I returned to the room, Jack was sitting up, his right leg still peeking from the sheets. He's not going to make this easy.
"Beth, what's going on?"
"Why didn't you tell me about the puppy while I was gone? It's not like we didn't talk every day."
"What? So, you are mad about Keesha. Why didn't you say something?"
I flipped the covers back on my side of the bed and fluffed my pillow. "Why didn't you? It's like you didn't want me to know about it until the kids were in front of me, and I couldn't say no."
"That's not what I did at all."
I pulled my robe tight around my neck and crossed my arms. "That's how you made me feel. You talked to the kids without me, you picked a breed without me, you picked the damn dog without me. You even named her without me."
Jack shifted on the bed onto his knees, and the sheet fell around him. Damn! Pick it up, Jack!
"That's not what we did. At least, it wasn't my intention to do that. The kids and I were just talking, and one thing led to..."
"I know. One thing led to another, and then bam, you picked out a puppy."
"Beth, come on, the kids were so excited."
"No, Jack. We're a family, and we're supposed to make decisions together."
"Max told me he thought you had a dog like that when you were a kid. He had seen pictures at your parent's house. So, I thought it would be a nice surprise."
"You could have told me, Jack. I don't know if I would have been fine with it because you never gave me the chance to be."
"Beth, we had agreed...together...that the kids could get a puppy after school. We did that together. It's not like I had the dog here when you got home."
"You might as well have. I couldn't tell the kids no after you told them yes. And please cover up."
Jack grabbed the blanket and jerked it around him. "I don't understand why you're so upset." Jack's voice was rising to match mine. It was the first time I'd ever heard him speak to me like that.
"So, we're fighting now?" I almost shouted the words but kept them low enough not to wake the kids.
"I guess so," Jack said and lowered his eyes to the bed.
"Good."
"What?" he asked, looking at me again.
I uncrossed my arms and let the robe fall open, revealing a new black lace teddy.
"What is happening?" Jack asked as his eyes scanned my body.
"Makeup sex." I rolled my shoulders, and the robe dropped to the floor.
"Damn, Beth." Jack moved across the bed and stood up in front of me in all his glory. "Where did this come from?"
"Vacation."
"What else happened on this vacation?" he asked as he grasped my hips.
"The girls were talking about how great makeup sex is. So, let's find out."
Jack dropped back onto the bed and sat, staring at me. He hooked his finger into the garter strap that led from the bottom edge of my top down to the thigh-high stockings and slid it along my skin.
"Beth, why haven't you worn something like this before?"
"I guess you like it?"
"Umm, yes, very much." He moved both hands to my ass.
"So, you're not angry that I didn't call you to get your opinion on this outfit?"
"Oh, I am very angry," he said and lightly smacked my butt. "Quite furious."
"Shall we make up?"
Jack stood, closed the small space between us, and dragged his finger down my chest and into the deep V that reached halfway to my belly button. He swiftly moved an arm around my waist, gripped the back of my right thigh with his free hand, spun around, and crawled onto the bed, pulling me up the mattress.
I pushed the pillow behind my head and watched as he moved down my body to the straps, slowly unfastening each one. Using the palms of his hands, he rolled the stocking down my left leg and tossed it aside. He then repeated it on my right leg. Hooking his fingers into the straps of the black lace thong, he pulled it down as I lifted my hips, and he tossed it aside with the stockings. God, the way he did everything had such a sexiness to it. My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears. Jack excited me more than anything in the world, and at times, I could barely stand it. This was one of those times.
Moving above me, he held himself up with one arm as he tucked his finger beneath the scalloped edging of the black lace that plunged into the V. He pushed it to the side and dragged his finger down, freeing my right breast. Switching hands, he repeated the motion on the other side until both were exposed. And this is the moment his astonishing lips and tongue took charge. Toe-curling, mind-blowing, fire-burning sensations coursed through my body as he worked his magic. The girls were right, makeup sex was incredible. I'm certain it would have been even more spectacular if the fight had been real, but Jack and I just didn't fight – other than the day JoAnn showed up. Maybe that's why we don't. After he returned to me, we made certain we communicated, and it's only improved with time.
I was only teasing about Keesha, and Jack knew that now. I hadn't cared that he talked to the kids. They were all excited, and I loved that Jack was just as much as they were.
"You looked stunning in that little black lacey thing," Jack said as his fingers tenderly brushed across my back. "You need to wear that more often."
"Maybe I'll wear it to work," I teased.
"Umm, I don't think so. Unless you plan on having a rendezvous with me in the elevator."
"Oh, that sounds exciting."
I felt his lips against my neck as I sunk into his arms. My back was against his chest, and his arms folded across mine.
"I can't wait to marry you." His breath in my ear sent chills through my entire body, and his words radiated through my heart.
I closed my eyes and imagined our wedding day. It would be perfect. The day was glorious, the weather was mild, and I couldn't wait to become Mrs. Jack Thornton.
...
The summer was going by too fast. Keesha was easily house-trained and fit into the family perfectly. The kids loved her and spent hours in the yard playing with her. She had even joined us on many off-roading Jeep adventures we had gone on. On the weekends the kids spent with their grandparents, and Jack didn't have to work, we took long road trips on the Harley. It had been an amazing few months.
Our wedding plans were also coming along perfectly. I had found my dress, which was breathtaking, and gorgeous bridesmaid dresses for Rosemary, Julie, Viola, Allison, and Faith.
Near the end of summer, Jack and I had a get-together at our house and invited all our friends. Jack grilled a variety of meats on his new grill, and everyone else brought a dish to share. I had met Jack's friends several times, but this was the first time I'd spent an extended time with them. Bill was married, and his wife, Melissa, and I had hit it off. She was a stay-at-home mom of two and the sweetest person. Jeff, another coworker of Jack's, had joined us, too. He had just gone through a divorce, and personally, I think the woman was crazy for leaving him. He was very kind and helped with everything he possibly could as we set up tables and chairs.
Lee had arrived early and assisted Jack at the grill. He was hilarious and such a joker. I had shed tears of laughter almost every time I'd been around him. How this man had never been married had me baffled. Jack told me one day that Lee just hadn't found the right woman yet.
Rosemary and Lisa arrived together, as Lisa had let Rosie move in with her temporarily until she got back on her feet. They had sold the house during the divorce, and Rosie was taking her time trying to find a new home. Her divorce had been final just two weeks prior, and the girls and I took her out to celebrate, though Rosie hadn't felt much like celebrating.
"Who's your friend?" a voice asked me, causing me to drop the stack of paper plates in my hand.
"Lee, you scared me to death," I said as I picked up my mess.
Lee knelt and helped me, then handed me the plates he had recovered. "Who's your blonde friend?"
I looked in the direction of his gaze and saw Rosemary. "That's Rosie, my best friend."
"She's gorgeous."
"She also just went through a nasty divorce and hates men right now," I warned him.
"That's okay. Can you introduce us?"
"I'm serious, Lee. She does not want anything to do with men."
Lee turned to me and pressed his palms together. "Please, Beth," he begged. "I must meet that magnificent woman."
"Fine," I rolled my eyes. "But don't say I didn't warn you."
Lee followed me across the driveway to where Rosemary was visiting with a few friends and waited by my side. I had only met Lee a handful of times, but I had never seen him as jittery as he was at the moment.
"Rosie," I said as I tapped her shoulder.
Rosemary spun around and stared at Lee with a dumbfounded look on her face.
"Rosie, this is Jack's best friend, Lee Coulter."
"Hello, Rosie," he said and held his hand out.
I elbowed Rosemary to snap her out of her trance, and she quickly placed her hand in his and smiled. "Hello."
"It's very nice to meet you," Lee added.
I slowly backed away, and before I turned to leave, Rosemary shot me a where-are-you-going glance. I just grinned and left them alone.
"What's happening there?" Jack asked as he pointed at Lee and Rosie with his spatula.
"A possible match made in heaven."
"What? I thought Rosie swore off men."
"Me, too. Not this one, apparently."
"Lee has a way with the ladies, that's for sure. I actually can't believe no one has snatched him up. He's a really great guy. He just seems to attract the wrong kind of woman, and things never work out."
"I wonder why that is?"
"Not sure. He got close a while back. He was dating a woman named Candace and they were pretty hot and heavy for a while." Jack turned the burgers as he talked.
"What happened?"
"Lee didn't know at the time. They were great one day, and she was gone the next. No explanation."
"How awful."
"Yeah. That one messed him up for a while, and he didn't date for like a year. And to make things worse, two years after she left, he saw her downtown. She apologized to him and told him she panicked because they had gotten so serious. But since then, she'd met someone else and had gotten married."
"Oh, poor Lee. He must have been devastated."
"He was. It was the worst I'd seen him. He went on a drunken bender for about a week until I dragged him to the gym. Then he did what I did; we poured everything into our workouts."
"Well, the two of you must have had a lot of demons to banish."
"Why do you say that?"
I squeezed Jack's bicep and patted his firm stomach.
"I guess so," he laughed. "We had to do something to burn off all our energy," he added, smacking my ass.
"Getting it burned off now?" I grinned.
"Most definitely." Jack put his arm around my waist again and swiftly pulled me against him. He covered my lips with his and fervently kissed me. "Hey, meet me at the gym sometime."
"Sure."
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. You'll need to show me what to do."
"I'll be your personal trainer."
"Oh, a trainer that looks like you. I just might have to go every day."
"Ha ha."
"Beth!"
I turned around to find Rosemary walking toward me as if she was on a serious mission.
"Hey."
"What the hell was that?"
"What?"
"Lee. I told you I didn't want to be around any men right now."
"I know, and I told him that. But he insisted on meeting you. I warned him. Why? You don't like him?"
"On the contrary."
"Then what's the problem."
I saw her shoulders drop, along with her gaze, as she relaxed a bit. "I like him. He seems amazing. But I don't want to ruin it with a great guy with him being a rebound."
"He's only a rebound if you make him one."
I could see Jack out of the corner of my eye, and he looked at me and nodded.
"I guess," she finally said.
"Lee is a great guy, Rosie," Jack assured her. "He really is."
"He seemed like it. At least during the few minutes I spoke with him, he did. But then, so did Rhett."
"Rosie, don't do that. You can't compare every guy to Rhett. If you do, you'll see terrible things in them that don't exist," I explained.
"She's right, Rosie," Jack added. "Lee had his heart ripped out once, and he doesn't want to go through that again. And he won't do that to someone else. You can trust him."
"I just don't think I'm ready."
"Then tell him that," Jack stated. "He'll understand."
"Thanks, Jack," she said, then returned to her friends outside.
"I warned Lee," I told Jack. "But he insisted."
"I know how he can get," Jack stated.
We spent the remainder of the day with our friends. There was plenty of food, an abundance of conversations, and tons of laughter. The kids had a blast playing with the other children, and Keesha received enough loving and attention to last her a month. Well, maybe a day – she is a puppy.
My girlfriends were full of questions about the wedding plans and even more comments about my future husband. The single ones wanted to know if he had any single friends. I laughed and kept Lee's relationship status quiet in case Rosemary wanted to pursue things with him. And it had not gone unnoticed by her. We spoke more regarding him later that evening, with most of our guests having left. Jack, Lee, Bill, and a few others were shooting their guns at targets at the edge of the property while Rosemary and I sat on a couple of chairs on the porch and watched them. The kids had taken Keesha inside due to the gunshots scaring her, and Bill's wife was inside with her little ones.
"I just don't know if I'm ready."
"And that's fine, Rosie. If you're not, you're not. Take your time and move at your own pace. If Lee is serious, he'll wait."
"I guess so."
"If he doesn't wait for you, then he doesn't deserve you."
Rosemary looked at me and nodded her head. "You know, you're right. I don't need to rush through my healing process for a man. I deserve one that will move forward on my time."
"That's right," I agreed and held my glass of wine in the air. We tapped our glasses together and finished the little bit that was remaining. "More?"
"Yes, please."
We went inside and refilled our glasses, and I checked on the kids and Keesha. Melissa joined us, and we settled in the sunroom to enjoy more wine and conversations. The kids' laughter filled the house, and we could see our men crossing the yard toward us. This was how life should be: your loved ones in sight, your friends by your side, and a great glass of wine in your hand.
...
I had agreed to meet Jack at the gym after work, and the kids were at his parent's house for dinner, so I drove straight there. He'd already arrived and was working out, so I ran to the locker room to change. Now, as I've mentioned, Jack is very fit and looks great in and out of clothes, and I had never gone to the gym with him before. But Sweet Baby Jesus, that man just about gave me an orgasm as I stopped dead in my tracks and watched him.
He was sitting at the sled leg press, and – here's Janice from Friends again – Oh...My...God! The muscles in his entire body were popping and rippling with each press, and on the final rep, he relaxed and spotted me.
By the look on his face, my jaw must have been draped across the floor. So, I picked it up, rolled my tongue back into my mouth, and crossed the room to him.
"How much were you just pressing?"
"Um, 500."
"500 pounds?"
Jack's laugh was still infectious. "Yes, Baby. 500 pounds. Want to try?"
"I can't do that much."
"I'll lower it, Babe. Come here," he said as he stood from the machine. "Take a seat."
Jack removed most of the weights, leaving only 120 pounds, as I maneuvered onto the seat.
"Okay, place your feet here. Then when you're ready, push up slightly, pull this handle to release the weight, then begin."
I did as he said, and I was surprised at how easy it was. Jack added twenty more pounds before I started feeling the burn in my legs. After thirty reps, I locked the weights and got off the machine. Jack added his weights, totaling 500 pounds, and returned to the seat. I stood back and watched Jack as he began his reps again. The muscles in his legs bulged as he gripped onto the hand grips. Actually, his entire body did, and his face pinched with each leg press. I was amazed and shocked at the amount of weight he was able to do, and I had to control myself as he focused on his counts. In my mind, I was ripping off his clothes and doing him right there in the middle of the gym. But I am a lady – of sorts – and had to hold my composure.
Once again, my expression gave me away when Jack stopped and looked at me. His chuckle brought me back to reality as the crimson returned to my cheeks. God, how embarrassing! You'd think at some point I'd be able to control the heat in my face.
"Are you doing alright there, Beth?"
"Yes, I'm fine," I said as I tried to recover. "My turn?"
Jack stood, removed the extra weight, and guided me through another set of leg presses. Now, I'm not out of shape by any means, but my legs were beginning to feel like Jell-O by the fourth set, and it wasn't because of Jack's close proximity.
"Let's move to a different machine. Want to try arms?"
I want to see you do arms. "Sure."
Jack demonstrated the proper way to do the dumbbell row. He placed one hand and a knee on the bench, then with a very heavy weight in his hand, he lifted his arm until his elbow just passed his back. Geez, where's a fan when you need one? Cold shower? Anything? After his first set was done, he retrieved a smaller weight for me, and I repeated his motions. After a few adjustments, I got it correct and made it through my set.
We moved to the pull bar next, and I watched in awe as Jack easily flew through forty without slowing. I stepped up, and once Jack helped me to the bar, to my surprise, I was able to do a few. But by the fourth one, my arms were shaking like crazy, and I busted out laughing. Jack was holding me at my waist and began laughing with me.
"Okay, maybe this one isn't your thing yet," he laughed.
This went on for the remainder of our time at the gym. Jack would demonstrate a new exercise while I tried not to physically drool. Then I would attempt it, needing a bit of guidance here and there. By the time we left, I was exhausted and sore, and Jack was, well, jacked up. I walked behind him as we headed for the door, and I saw why they have people like Chris Hemsworth work out just before doing a scene as Thor. Good Lord. Jack was more defined than ever and his ass, well, let's say he'd give Thor a run for his money.
...
Jack ran to his parents while I went home to let Keesha out. As soon as I stepped inside, I could hear her going crazy in her kennel, needing to get outside. I sat on the front steps while she searched for the perfect spot, and once finished, she joined me and excitedly jumped all around.
As Jack and the kids turned into the drive, I held onto her collar until I saw the Jeep disappear into the garage, then I let her go. She tore across the porch to greet them, and Max and Alex ran into the grass with Keesha on their heels.
I had never seen Max as happy as he was now, and I knew it was a combination of many things. Having a father figure for the first time in his life, a sibling, a large yard to play, and now Keesha. I remained on the steps, watching him play with Alex and the pup, laughing more than ever, with a permanent smile on his face.
Jack had walked up behind me and sat on the step directly above me. I leaned back into him, resting my arms on the tops of his legs as he draped his arms over my shoulders.
"He's so happy," I told him.
"Alex, too. I've never seen her this way until we met you." He tightened his arms around me and kissed the temple of my head. "You know what she asked me the other day?"
"What?"
"If she could call you Mom."
I spun around and was certain my face was pure shock. "Really? What did you say?"
"I told her to talk to you, but I was pretty sure you would love it. Am I right?"
"Of course," I answered and laid my head against his stomach. "What if Max wants to call you Dad?"
Jack placed his finger below my chin and tipped my face toward his. "I would be honored if he considered me his father." He softly kissed me and brushed his thumb along my cheek. "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"I've thought of this often and was going to wait until we were married, but now seems like a good time to ask. And please, just think about it. You don't have to give me an answer now because I know what this will mean."
"What is it?"
"After the wedding, I would love to adopt Max."
This caught me completely off guard. Honestly, it never crossed my mind for him to do this or that he'd even want to. I just never thought about it. And I knew what Jack meant by 'he knew what it would mean.' Max would no longer have his father's last name. Would I be okay with that? On the one hand, he had never met his father, so that connection was never developed. On the other hand, Max still had a piece of my heart and always would. I didn't know what to do.
"Beth, it will not hurt my feelings if you say no. Please believe me. I just wanted to let you know how serious I am about this family and how much I love you and Max. I would love to adopt him, but even if I don't, I will still consider him my son. Take your time and think on it."
I nodded and leaned into Jack without saying a word. It was a shock, a thrill, a wonderful delight, and a sad heartbreak wrapped up in one package. It would take some time to think this through and a few tough conversations with my son. You see, although I called my son Max, Jr. He wasn't legally a Junior. My husband's name was Maxwell Franklin Cooper. I named my son Maxwell Liam Cooper – Liam after my father William. It was more of a distinction between the two because I always referred to Maxwell as Max. But over the years, to make things easier, I reverted to Maxwell when referring to my late husband.
I had remained somewhat quiet for the rest of the evening, and I know Jack knew why as he didn't press me on the matter. All the reflecting on Maxwell and his son, contemplating what would be good and make sense, and thinking of everyone's feelings that could be affected – including Maxwell's parents – made me really begin to miss him again. I began to feel guilty because I hadn't thought of him as often and had missed him less. I felt as if I was disrespecting his honor by doing so. My life was once again amazing, and now quite exciting, with Jack. Am I a horrible person for being happy? I know Maxwell would want me to be, but it didn't lessen the shame I was feeling.
That evening, once the kids were in bed and Keesha had been taken out one last time, Jack joined me in bed. I had a book in my lap, opened to a random chapter, not reading a single word. I could see Jack out of the corner of my eye. He was lying on his side, his head propped in his hand, and he was watching me. I closed my book, set it on the nightstand, and rolled onto my side to face Jack.
"Are you okay?" he asked me, his voice was much more tender than his appearance should have allowed.
"Yes."
"Do you want to talk about it."
"Yes."
"I assume it's regarding what I brought up earlier."
"Yes."
"Beth, seriously, if you don't want me to, I am okay with that. It's ultimately your decision, and I will respect it no matter what."
"I feel guilty," I finally told him.
"About what?"
"Being happy."
"Oh, Baby, come here." Jack pulled me closer and engulfed me with his whole body. "I never had the pleasure of meeting Max, but I'm certain he would want you to be happy. I don't know any man who truly loves their wife that would want them to be alone and cry over them every night. I know I wouldn't want that for you." Jack gripped my shoulders and turned me until I was looking at him. "Since we are on this topic, if anything ever happens to me, I do not want you living your life alone. Find someone new that makes you happy."
"I don't want to talk about this," I said as I turned back around and leaned against him. "I'm not having this conversation with you."
Jack brushed my hair back from my shoulder and pressed his lips to my skin. "I know you don't want to, but you can't hide from the reality of life. You should know that more than anyone."
I shook my head, trying to get him to stop, but he continued.
"Tell me what you want me to do if anything happens to you, and I'll do it. Do you want me to remain alone? Because if that's what you truly want I will."
I shook my head and rolled my eyes, even though he couldn't see my face.
"Seriously, Beth. We need to talk about this at some point. Let's just get it over with."
"I don't want to."
"I need to know what you want to be done about Max. I want you to raise Alex if anything happens to me. I want you to remain her mother and raise her as your own, if you will."
"Of course, I would."
"What about Max?"
Since Jack would obviously not let this go, I gave in. "I want you to raise him. But I want him to be able to see all his grandparents."
"Of course. I would never deny any of them time with him."
"I know."
"What about me," he asked again. "What do you want me to do?"
I sat up and pivoted on the bed until I was facing him. "Of course, I don't want you to remain alone. You have too much love to give and too much life to live."
"And I feel the same about you. Do whatever grieving you need but live a full life." Jack cupped my face in his hands with his eyes the most serious I had ever seen them. "Promise me you will continue to seek happiness. I hope it is with me, but if it isn't, please don't spend your time in misery."
I nodded as I felt tears begin to sting my eyes. The thought of losing Jack was more than I could stand. I closed my eyes and felt Jack's lips cover mine. I returned his kiss, but with a hunger that needed satisfying. We made love that night, but it felt different. It was as if we thought we might never see each other again, that this was our last time together, and it had me feeling uneasy. I tried not to think about it as I lay in his arms. I could tell he had fallen asleep, but rest eluded me for several hours until early in the morning, when I was finally able to turn my mind off long enough to meet the same illusions in my dreams.