Somewhere on Autumn Woods Drive

By Rikku Minouke

Disclaimer: I don't own YYH, but these cheese puffs are yummy

AN: please don't die Vanessia! I need you! ps sorry if there are a lot of grammar errors I didn't read over it before submitting... kinda wanted to play Minecraft with the hubby tonight.

Chapter thirty three

Holidays and me never got a long very well. Not in the past and probably not in the future. But it took me a decent amount of time to figure out that you should only try to remember the good parts of those days. Then again, sometimes those day parts make future moments all the more better.

Kurama shut the door behind me as we came home from dinner. "I hadn't been to Axel's in years!" I laughed. "Growing up, I used to baby sit for the bartender. I can't believe Rinku is in middle school now." I listened to him chuckle as he took his coat off and placed it in the closet. Biting my lip slightly, I let Kurama help me out of my coat. "Thank you Kurama."

"You are most welcome," I turned to see him smiling at me. Shit, I wanted to kiss that man so bad and I had no doubt it was all over my face. He cleared his throat, making me blink and blush. Nervously, I toed my boots off. "It's still early, did you want to watch a movie?"

"Dinner and a movie? Oh, Kurama, pulling out all the stops now," I laughed but nodded. "Yeah, just let me grab some tums real quick. That chicken was a bit spicier than I had expected."

As I walked toward the bathroom, I heard Kurama call after me, "Did you want a rom-com or did you want something different?"

Shrugging into the mirror, I opened the cabinet to find my secret stash of tums. "It doesn't matter to me, you pick." I snatched the whole bottle and shut the cabinet door. Staring at the mirror for a moment, I smiled to myself. Kurama and I actually went on a real date tonight. We held hands as we walked and shared a dessert. My smile faltered a bit. We did those things normally. How was tonight any different than all the other times we went somewhere together. Was Yusuke right and I just wanted a label? Did labeling what we have all that important?

Sighing I looked at the bottle in my hands. I knew Kurama wasn't seeing anyone. He definitely spent his free time with me. Or Hiei I guess. That still meant he wasn't with another girl.

"Are you ready?" Kurama called and I blinked.

Taking a soothing breath, I watched myself nod. "Yeah, coming!" I painted a smile on my face before returning to the living room. "What'd you pick?" He smiled at me, but didn't answer. Instead he sat on the couch and laid his arm on the back, motioning for me to join him. Suspicion was clear in my eyes as I approached and settled in next to him. Turning forward however, I was happily surprised. "Oh, I haven't seen this movie in years. The Ghost and Mrs. Muir. I didn't know you had this."

He smiled at me. "I don't. It's actually on Netflix," Kurama informed me and I laughed.

"Even better," I told him and I felt his arm slide from the back of the couch to rest on my shoulders. Kurama pressed play with his other hand and I snuggled into his side.

As the movie played it seemed like we just got more and more cozy. My head leaned on to his shoulder at one time and I felt his other hand lay on my thigh to rub tenderly against the denim. This was different than most nights. And I couldn't be happier.

By the time the movie had ended, I wished it could go on forever. The credits rolled and I lifted my head to look at Kurama enough to see him gazing at me. Our faces were so close that it wouldn't take much for me to lift up and kiss him. But I didn't want a recap of last time. "Kurama…" I felt myself whisper and I could feel his chest moving faster, only slightly. It was easy to see he was nervous. "Kiss me."

His body stiffened for a moment and then he pulled back shaking his head. "I can't," he whispered and I'm sure my eyes widened in disbelief.

"Why not?" I asked, louder, shock radiating from my vocal cords.

He sighed loudly and withdrew his both his hands from around me. "It's just not right."

"What's not right?" I asked, completely confused and frustrated. Sometimes he made me want to pull my hair out. "I'm practically begging you to kiss me."

"Yes, I know," Kurama stood up and walked to the sliding glass window to stare outside. I'd gotten used to this, it was something he did when he was thinking. It reminded me of a trapped animal that wants to run outside. "You practically have for months."

"Do you not want to kiss me?" I asked and he turned to look at me with what might have been anger in his eyes.

"Of course I do," he sighed in exasperation before rubbing his hands over his face. "But it wouldn't be right."

"I am not following you," I pushed my bangs behind my ears, trying to calm myself.

"Botan you…" he licked his lips before motioning to me. "You're pregnant."

"…Yeah. I know."

"No," he shook his head like that wasn't what he meant. Now I was starting to understand why he took so long to collect his thoughts. "I don't want to be that guy you hook up with when you're pregnant and then when your hormones are back to normal, you realize you really don't care for."

"I wouldn't do that," I almost laughed at his words.

"Or pick me as a rebound after a bad relationship?" Kurama raised his eyebrows. "I won't be someone's rebound either."

I knew I was letting his words affect negatively. Frustration was clogging my throat and blurring my eyes. "You are not a rebound, Kurama."

"I'm not?" He asked and it felt more like an accusation. "So that first day when I walked into Grounds-"

"Kurama, stop," I pleaded and fought against my emotions.

"- you weren't still hung up on your ex?" Kurama asked. "For good or bad reasons, doesn't matter. Or when you asked to move in with me? That wasn't because of me at all. You were looking for an escape from your problems and I was just convenient, right?"

"It's not like that," I shook my head and felt the tears sitting on the brim, looking over the edge, judging the distance to the ground. "I do like you. You aren't a rebound at all. Even if it may have started that way, it's not like that anymore."

"I don't want to take advantage of your weakened state, Botan," Kurama shook his head. "Even if you don't see me as a rebound now, when the baby is born, what's to say you don't realize then that I was all along?"

"I'm over him, Kurama," I whispered as a few jumpers fell to the denim below.

"Are you?" he asked and I took a deep breath trying to steady my heart beat. "It took me two years to get over my ex after she left me. The two of you were only over a short time before you and I met."

"Kurama," I whispered. "Please stop. He has nothing to do with us."

"I want to believe you," he whispered back and I looked up into his eyes and saw the same trauma there that I knew was in mine. It had been a long time since I'd seen a man cry and it wasn't something that I wanted to relive. "But if I choose wrong, I don't want to…. I can't be the guy who takes advantage of a pregnant woman."

I was silent as I let a sob drop my head down and tears fall free. "I want to be with you…"

He took a deep breath and raised one hand to rub the crooks of his nose. "I want to be with you too, Botan. I just…" he took a shaky breath this time. "I just don't know if I can without..." He paused and I felt my heart break a little bit. "Without feeling right about it."

"Just let me prove to you that this is real," I raised my head and tried to make eye contact but he was shaking his head. "Kurama?!"

"Botan…" he whispered and licked his lips. "I don't know. I'm sorry…" With that he walked away and if I didn't know better I'd say I wasn't the only one completely broken inside.