A/N: Thank you everyone for the support!
Chapter Twenty-Four
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The world faded slowly into focus as Sirius shifted further onto his back and pressed his head back into the pillows. He felt the numbness of sleep ebbing away and a tingling buzzing bubbled in his stomach as the pressure on his hips grew heavier. A groan escaped him as the sensation of something hot and wet wrapped around his cock. He felt his dick twitch as a talented tongue twisted and put pressure up the full length and back down. Craning his head up he pushed the blankets aside and panted through a laugh at the thicket of tawny curls between his thighs that was definitely not his own.
Dropping his head back he moaned, "Rem-u-u-u-s!"
There were no words for how amazing it felt to have Remus' amazing mouth sucking on him. He felt the wet slide of tongue and throat as Remus took him all in, his long straight nose pressing into Sirius' pelvis each time his head bobbed down. Sirius spread his thighs even wider, the rough scratch of Remus' stubble along the inside of his thighs was deliciously raw and sent electricity sparking through his veins. The heat pooled in his gut, and he could feel the pinpricks of pleasure all over. His breathing laboured and his hips thrust up into Remus' mouth, his fingers knotting into the curls and moaning low and filthy.
"Ohh, Remus -yes! F-fuck your mouth is f-fucking perfect!" he growled.
Remus chuckled around his cock, sucking hard on his sensitive head before teasing the slit with his tongue. Fuck, it was driving Sirius crazy! He wasn't going to last!
"Re-Remus please! Fuck, I'm gonna cum!"
Remus wrapped his hand around the base of Sirius' cock and started to stroke, from base to tip, sucking on his over-sensitive head until –
"Remus -f-fuck!"
He gripped onto Remus' head and thrust his hips at a stuttering tempo until his orgasm ripped through him. He felt a rush of embarrassment and arousal as he flopped back onto the bed, exhaling loudly as stars spotted his vision. He blinked dumbly at the hairline cracks in the ceiling and could barely register anything. He flinched at the sensation of Remus slowly releasing his softening dick and licking the head one final time. He gave an almighty gulp and smirked up as Sirius gaped speechlessly down at him. With a grin, Remus climbed up the length of Sirius' exhausted body, pressing close together and planted a kiss to his cheek.
Sirius chuckled tiredly up at him, "Now that's the best way to wake up, ever."
"Mmm I rather enjoyed myself," Remus smirked.
"For the record, you have blanket permission to wake me up like that whenever you like."
Remus chuckled and pressed a chaste kiss to Sirius' mouth. "You're not … uncomfortable with it?"
"Why would I be?"
Remus shot him an unimpressed look.
Tutting, Sirius raked a rough hand through Remus' fluffy hair. "Whatever you're thinking, Rem, stop. You felt fucking amazing and dear God I hope to return the favour as soon as I can move."
Shaking his head, Remus shifted to bury his face into Sirius' neck. He hummed appreciatively as he felt the dark haired man wrap his arm around his shoulders. Giving Sirius a blowjob had gotten him incredibly horny, the reality of that currently pressing into Sirius' thigh, but he wasn't about to demand anything. He just wanted to show Sirius how grateful he was for the previous evening, for remaining with him, for not being afraid of him. His chest felt a little tighter as Sirius relaxed even further. A kiss was pressed to the top of his head. It made his insides flutter.
"Mmm babe what time is it?" Sirius asked, lazily looking at the bedside table where their phones sat.
"Fuck if I know," Remus groaned, wedging himself into the gap between Sirius' flushed body and the wall. He threw an arm over the brunette's chest and held him close, burying his nose into Sirius' black hair.
Sirius hummed and closed his eyes, revelling in his satiated state, the warmth of Remus' body burning through the thin fabric of his tee and boxers. He lazily stroked Remus' back, feeling every ridge of his spine, the planes of his back and the slope of his neck. It was a hazy moment suspended in morning sunlight, birds twittering outside and the distance sound of a lone car cruising along. He couldn't remember the last time he had taken a moment to be still, to breathe slowly and let his mind be beautifully blank.
"We should get up," Remus grumbled in his ear.
"Yeah probably."
"Do we have to?"
"S'pose not. Don't have anywhere to be."
"Do you want to go for a walk?"
"Nuh-uh."
"Do you … want to talk about last night?"
Remus tensed, his hold on Sirius tightening. "No."
"Why not?"
"We talked. I told you about it, it's out in the open, and we never have to talk about it again."
"Remus -"
Remus pushed himself upright and practically vaulted off the bed. He went over to the kitchenette and banged the cupboard doors around getting a mug out to prep a coffee. He tore a hand through his hair and barely suppressed a growl of frustration. Sirius watched him from the bed, knees drawn up to his chest, arms splayed over his knees. He was still sleep-rumpled, very aware that his boxers were still a little damp and his head was fuzzy. He noted the taut line of Remus' shoulders hunched around his ears, how he was jittery and restless.
He paced back and forth in the tight space, like a cage animal.
Sirius fought the urge to go and attempt to comfort the man. He didn't want Remus to shrug him away, already knowing how the action would cut through him. He bit his lip, refraining from asking the man what was wrong. He ruffled his hair and stared off across the room, suddenly feeling constrained.
"I had nightmares for months," Remus' blank voice cut through the silence.
Sirius peered up at him, noting how the man was bracing himself hunched over the kitchen counter.
"He tried to strangle me, sat on top of me, cut me with one of the broken bottles we'd smashed in our tumbling around. Th-that's where all the scars came from … I must have p-passed out … in and out or something …"
"Remus?"
A choked sob broke Sirius' heart. The tall man seemed to crumple in front of him. The kettle came to a boil, but neither man paid any attention to it. Sirius extricated himself from the tangled sheets and crossed the room. He hesitated for a moment before turning Remus around slowly and leaning up to cradle the man against his chest. The angle was a little awkward but that didn't deter Sirius. He held Remus gently, letting him know that he wasn't trapped in that memory; he was here in his studio, wrapped in someone's arms and safe. He was safe from the nightmares, he was safe from the Uncle and he was safe from the community that shunned him after they'd failed to protect him.
Remus clung to Sirius like a lifeline, a hot angry tear racing down his face as he choked on air. He was probably hurting Sirius from how tightly he was clutching him, but he couldn't will his muscles to release his grip. One sob after another cracked out of his mouth and he felt his knees start to give.
"Woah, woah, easy big boy," Sirius chided gently, adjusting Remus' weight against him. "Come on, let's sit down. I'll make you a cuppa."
Remus obeyed, allowing himself to be guided to the bed. He sat down, unseeing, his head in his hands as he listened to Sirius potter around in the kitchen. The scent of coffee wafted over to him, and his empty stomach twisted with want. Sirius set the mug down on the coffee table and settled down on the edge of the mattress, leaving enough space for Remus to breathe.
He shook his head, eyes clenched, not wanting Sirius to see him like this.
"You don't have to talk about it, if you don't want to," Sirius murmured. "Just know that I won't judge you, okay? I care a lot about you."
"You sh-shouldn't ca-care about me!" Remus spat. "I'm damaged goods!"
Sirius shook his head. "No, Remus, you're not damaged goods. You're a little rough around the edges, but that's okay. We all are."
Remus scoffed.
"Listen to me, love," Sirius reached out and touched a hand to Remus' knee. He flinched under the touch, but Sirius was determined. He stroked his thumb across the knobby knee and turned on the edge of the mattress, one leg curled under him. "You are not a bad person. You're a wonderful person, who's had bad things happen to him. That doesn't discount for how amazing I think you are."
"You have a very skewed view of damaged goods."
"Yes, yes, my trauma is horrendous and I'll need therapy for years to come, big whoop. We're not talking about me right now, love. We're talking about you. Have you … have you spoken to anyone about all this?"
"N-no."
"Do you think that … maybe you should?"
"I guess so …"
"I know therapy gets a bad rep, but it can help people."
Remus nodded but chose not to voice his very sarcastic opinion on therapy and psychology.
"I … I went to therapy after I moved in with James' family."
Remus turned wide eyes to the brunette beside him. "You did?"
"Of course. After about a decade of abuse from my parents, I had a lot of traumatic memories I'd repressed. I didn't realise how bad it was until … until I attacked James."
"You attacked James?!"
"Not intentionally. It was a petty fight and -and it escalated -It was like a red haze dropped over me. I only refocused when Monty dragged me off James. His glasses were broken, his nose was bleeding, and he had a bruise forming over his face."
Remus didn't respond; he was too stunned by the event to formulate a reply. "I … I'm stunned. You two are practically brothers."
"Oh, I know. That didn't stop me from wanting to lash out. Nor did it make me feel any less guilt at having -h-having left Regulus behind." Wide grey eyes looked up into Remus' own. "I -I love my brother, Remus. It breaks my heart everyday that I'm not able to break him free from their torment."
"Did …" he swallowed thickly. "Did Regulus get beaten?"
"Not as much," Sirius growled out, his fists clenching. "I refused to let them near him. I did my best to protect him. He'd crawl into my bed later and cry, saying he didn't want me to get hurt."
"Sirius …"
"The first time they drew blood, something broke inside Reg's head. He became a quiet, blank little puppet. Or so I thought. He seemed to be playing their little game, but I later found out he was learning their rules to play against them. To get free."
"You're doing everything you can," Remus assured softly.
"It's not enough."
"It will be!"
Sirius turned to him, grey eyes burning through him. "Then let all the good things be enough for you," he stated. "They won't make everything better, they won't erase the nightmares and they may be far and few between, but look at the good that has come of this."
Remus scoffed, "What good?!"
"If it weren't for all of this, you wouldn't have been shunned back in Wales, you wouldn't have left the country to come and study in London, and you wouldn't have moved here."
Remus cocked an eyebrow, his lips quivering against the urge to smile, "And what? I wouldn't have met you?"
Sirius rolled his eyes, but felt his cheeks heart up a little. "I didn't say that!"
"Well … even you can't deny it's partially true, in a very roundabout sort of way."
"Yeah, yeah."
"Seriously, though. You're still young and you've got … Rem, you have so much to look forward to! I don't want you to lose sight of any of it."
Heaving out a sigh from deep within, Remus slowly hunched forward and brought the coffee mug to his lips and took a sip. Sirius' earnest worlds whipped around his head like a hurricane. He had known for some time that it was probably a wise idea to get a therapist, but there wasn't any scenario he could see in which it would turn-out well for him. Call him paranoid, but he didn't like airing his dirty laundry to others. Then again … perhaps Greyback was the type of dirty laundry that needed to be aired? Biting down on his lip, he chanced a glance at Sirius.
"Maybe I could look into therapy … o-once this pandemic is over?"
"What's wrong with starting now with zoom-calls?" Sirius coaxed, gently.
Remus shrugged. "Just … I think I need to get used to the idea first. Get used to … th-thinking about what happened."
"Yeah, I get that."
"You really do, don't you?"
Sirius gave a shrug, "Somewhat, yeah."
Inhaling deeply, Remus blew out a heavy breath. "Woah this all feels surreal."
"Got to adult sometime, babe."
Remus huffed a small laugh. "Still not used to these pet-names."
"You'll get used to it."
"Cocky sod."
"It's how you like me."
Remus couldn't deny it. The smile would have given him away. "So uh … what did you want to do today?"
"I wanted to go for a walk. I'm used to it now with Arthur. Want to come with me?"
"Uh … I think I'll stay in today."
Sirius deflated, cocking an unimpressed eyebrow. "Remus, you have the whole rest of your life to stay indoors. Why not enjoy the outdoors while it's deserted?"
"Can I just … meet you later?"
Sighing, Sirius shrugged and feigned nonchalance as he got to his feet. "Fine, fine. Either way, I'm gonna grab a shower and go for a little walk. Stretch my legs a little. If you fancy coming with me, you can just send me a text."
Remus gnawed on his lip. "O-okay. I might look up some recipes for tonight."
"We'll make a housewife of you yet!" Sirius grinned, ruffling his shaggy caramel curls.
Batting him away, Remus watched as the brunette man sauntered off towards the bathroom. When the door clicked shut, Remus flopped back onto his bed with a heavy sigh. He skin prickled with the feel of clothes he'd worn for the last three days. His hair had started to feel greasy, and his skin wasn't fairing much better. He knew he needed to go outside and enjoy the fresh air, especially as everywhere was as empty as Sirius said. However, just going near that doorway was starting to make his heartrate increase. He needed to get past that, he knew it, but … but. There was always a 'but'.
He resolved to forced himself outside after he'd taken time for some lunch and some study. Maybe he could take a book to the park and read. It was still bizarre that these were his limited options. Then again, in another lifetime, would he and Sirius have enough guts to have met-up on a dating app and gone for a date? Would he have found the man charming and desirable sipping at pints at a bar? Or would he have felt awkward and uncomfortable, fidgeting and waiting for the other shoe to drop, thereby sending the wrong signals and forcing Sirius to revaluate how he felt about him? It was impossible to know. Perhaps this pandemic was a small miracle in that regard.
The sound of the bathroom door opening made him crane his neck up.
Carding a hand through his hair, Sirius shook a few drops loose before draping the towel over the back of the chair. He snagged his wallet, phone and keys from the coffee table and tucked them into his pockets, before grabbing one of the masks from the narrow bookcase by the door.
"Alright, I think that's everything. Do you want me to grab anything from the shops?"
Remus tutted, "You know, I think you've kept me well-stocked since March."
"I was only asking, Moony." Remus poked his tongue out, earning a bark of laughter from the man before him. "Fine, fine, I'll be listening to music if you fancy meeting-up later."
"Go, shoo, I can feel your restless energy from here."
Swooping into a low bow, Sirius blew a kiss, strung the mask up around his ears and sauntered out of the door. It banged lightly behind him, leaving Remus alone once again.
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~0~
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Tuesday AM
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~Spoilers BookClub Ltd. ~
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Sir Lupin (10:37):
Okay, so Sirius has just gone out for a morning jog and … Is it sad that I miss him?
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Dorcas (10:38):
I think it's cute? It's like if he went to work for the day, and you miss him not being wrapped up in bed with you.
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Sir Lupin (10:39):
Okay but … he's coming back.
Like, I can guarantee within the hour, he WILL be wrapped up in bed with me.
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Dorcas (10:40):
Aw, babe, don't overthink it, yeah?
You finally get to spend lots of hot, sexy, naked time with your boyfriend. You're gonna miss it ;P
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Sir Lupin (10:42):
Dorcas, it's not like we've had sex yet. For OBVIOUS reasons!
We haven't even slept naked yet …
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Dorcas (10:43):
Surely … you CAN, right?
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Sir Lupin (10:44):
Well, yes, skin-to-skin isn't contagious.
I just -I want to. So badly! I don't think I'd be able to help myself!
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Dorcas (10:45):
Down boy!
If you want it, I'd say go for it. As long as you use protection.
You've both been together almost a full week now.
Might as well enjoy your freedom to do all this naughty business while you can :P
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Sir Lupin (10:48):
Don't be jealous, Missy 😉
Should I feel guilty about this, though?
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Dorcas (10:50):
Honestly, at this point who gives a shit?
I can guarantee within a year of this ending, people will be shrugging as though an eighth of the planet hasn't fucking died in a matter of months. As long as they can go out and be annoyed, right?
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Sir Lupin (10:52):
*Snort* Yeah, I wouldn't be surprised. Sounds like something the planet would do.
So, you think I should go for it?
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Dorcas (10:53):
Seriously, did you two not flirt at all before he came over?
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Sir Lupin (10:54):
We did …
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Dorcas (10:54):
So, send him a snap of your dick.
Have him come running back to you.
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Sir Lupin (10:55):
DORCAS MEADOWES!
I DID NOT RAISE YOU TO SAY SUCH LANGUAGE!
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Dorcas (10:55):
You … did not raise me at all, for starters.
And I'm sorry, but are you saying I have offended your delicate sensibilities?
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Dorcas (10:56):
Let me try it this way
Sir Lupin, would you divest yourself of your livery for the bountiful appendage of your lover?
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Sir Lupin (10:58):
¬_¬ I hate you so much.
Anyway, moving away from Padfoot's prick
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Dorcas (10:59):
That's not what you're gonna say
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Sir Lupin (11:00):
DORCAS!
Have you heard from Lily today?
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Dorcas (11:02):
She said she was getting into a new rhythm. I think she said she was going for a run since it's warmer now?
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Sir Lupin (11:03):
How has she been? She was a little frazzled the other day.
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Dorcas (11:04):
She's doing better. I'm sure the flirting with James helps
But she seriously needed to take some R&R time for herself.
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Sir Lupin (11:06):
I just want this all to be over. It's been three months already!
When will this nightmare end?
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Dorcas (11:07):
Oh, love, I thought having Sirius there was helping?
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Sir Lupin (11:08):
It is! But you've seen the shoebox I live in.
Now imagine two people squashed into that space everyday.
It's no wonder he has to go for a run or to the shops. We're constantly tripping over each other.
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Dorcas (11:10):
Didn't he offer for you to move out?
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Sir Lupin (11:11):
Well, yes, but not with him.
With his younger brother.
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Dorcas (11:11):
I mean … would you potentially consider that at all?
I know things are a bit toxic at the moment, pandemic and all that.
But do you honestly want to keep living in that shoebox?
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Sir Lupin (11:12):
I'd happily consider it! But I feel as though I'd be indebted to Sirius …
What if things go wrong down the line?
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Dorcas (11:13):
Remus, things go wrong and that sucks, but you wouldn't be moving-in with Sirius.
You can only ask him if that would jeopardise your tenancy if things went awry.
Frankly, if you don't ask, you don't get.
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Sir Lupin (11:14):
Eurgh, I hate when you're right, but you annoyingly make loads of sense ¬_¬
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Dorcas (11:15):
Babes, just ask him. It's the brother you'd have issues with if shit hit the fan.
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Sir Lupin (11:15):
That's true. Maybe I need to get to know the brother.
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Dorcas (11:16):
Did you get to know your current neighbour?
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Sir Lupin (11:16):
We're not living together. We share a hallway and a front door.
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Dorcas (11:16):
So? You must have interacted at some point.
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Sir Lupin (11:17):
Of course, just not a lot.
Besides, if I lived with Sirius' brother, we would be sharing everything. The only things that would be entirely separate would be the bedrooms and, potentially, the bathrooms.
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Dorcas (11:18):
I guess, try and get to know the brother, or just take your chances with it all?
If you just keep to yourselves, what's the harm in sharing a flat with him?
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Sir Lupin (11:19):
I'm really wondering if I should just say 'yes' and be done with all the faffing about.
What do you think?
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Dorcas (11:20):
I think …
Maybe just accept a good thing when it lands on your doorstep?
I doubt you'd get as good an offer if you were to search independently.
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Sir Lupin (11:21):
That's true :/
You reckon I should go for it?
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Dorcas (11:22):
Well, this current place nearly killed you. I'd say you couldn't do much worse.
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Sir Lupin (11:23):
Not unless I shack up with a homicidal younger brother.
Eh, I had a good run.
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Dorcas (11:23):
You don't run.
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Sir Lupin (11:24):
That's neither here nor there ¬_¬
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Lily (12:18):
Hey lovelies!
Sorry I've been quiet; I had a busy morning!
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Dorcas (12:19):
What've you been up to, love?
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Lily (12:21):
Oh, well, where to begin?
I had breakfast, did a little pilates and then went out for a jog.
Then on the way back, you'll never believe what I found!
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Sir Lupin (12:23):
What did you find?!
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Dorcas (12:23):
WHAT, WHAT, WHAT?!
DON'T KEEP ME IN SUSPENSE!
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Sir Lupin (12:24):
OR ME!
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Lily (12:25):
I found this little cutie bustling around next to a bin.
[JPEG]
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Dorcas (12:25):
Oh wow! That's such a cute little kitten!
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Sir Lupin (12:25):
Aww, poor little thing scrounging around in the cold.
Were there no missing posters?
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Lily (12:26):
Not as far as I saw :/
If I see any, I'll take him to his owners of course!
But he's just so teeny, it nearly broke my heart to leave him there
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Dorcas (12:27):
Oh, of course! Look at those teeny little paws 3
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Sir Lupin (12:28):
Do you think you're going to name him?
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Lily (12:28):
I don't know, is there a point?
If I do find his home, then I wouldn't want to confuse him.
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Dorcas (12:29):
He's a baby, cats and dogs get renamed at all ages of adoption.
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Sir Lupin (12:29):
It's true, even animals who are almost at the end, can be renamed once they get adopted.
Go on, Lils, give the little kitten a name.
Why not?
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Lily (12:30):
Okay, I'll think about it. Come up with a good name. I don't want something spontaneous and stupid :/
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Sir Lupin (12:30):
You'll think of a great name, Lils, don't worry
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Dorcas (12:31):
Have you shown James yet?
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Lily (12:31):
I did :P
For someone who's a dog person, he was VERY cutesy when I showed him the photo x
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Dorcas (12:32):
Of course he did XD
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Lily (12:34):
Also, just reading back through your messages …
I'm not overly thrilled with the idea of you going to live somewhere else, Rem.
However, I do have to say you staying in that matchbox isn't doing my mental health any favours :/
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Sir Lupin (12:36):
Trust me, Lils, it doesn't do much for mine either.
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Lily (12:37):
Honestly, if you're able to coordinate everything with the brother and you both self-isolate etc. it would probably be better for you in the long-term.
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Dorcas (12:38):
No biting his head off this time?
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Lily (12:39):
No No, I've learned my lesson.
I really AM sorry, Rem xxxx
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Sir Lupin (12:40):
Thanks Lily x
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Lily (12:40):
But seriously, I think you should go for it. The longer you stay where you are, the more risk you're putting yourself under :/
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Dorcas (12:41):
And hey, if Sirius' brother moves in two weeks before you do, then he'll have finished his isolation anyway!
You would just need to go from A to B.
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Sir Lupin (12:42):
So … I should go for it?
As anxious as it makes me feel … I think it might be for the best?
Just imagine having my bedroom in a separate room from my kitchen 3
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Dorcas (12:43):
Go for it, love. You deserve some good things once in a while.
If this pandemic has taught us anything, it's that.
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Lily (12:44):
Seriously, Remus, go for it. Definitely coordinate everything with Sirius and his brother.
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Sir Lupin (12:45):
Yeah, I'll send him a message. Hopefully he can come back ASAP and we can iron things out.
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Dorcas (12:45):
Good luck, love! 3
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Lily (12:46):
Oh, Rem, you'll be fine. Sirius adores you.
Brace yourself, I have a feeling this is going to speed off very quickly so just be prepared.
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Tuesday PM
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~Rocketmen~
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Moony (12:13):
Hey, not sure where you are at the moment, but I had something I wanted to talk to you about.
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Padfoot (12:18):
Hey babe, I'm just on my way past a couple of Offie's, did you want anything picking up?
A talk, eh? I'm not in trouble am I?
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Moony (12:20):
Haha no, no you're not in trouble -unless you've done something to warrant it?
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Padfoot (12:21):
What can I say? Trouble just seems to find me, Moons :P
But don't worry, I just wanted to pick up a pint of milk and some chewies.
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Moony (12:22):
Oh, any treats for me?
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Padfoot (12:23):
Well, that depends babes, do you fancy fruit salads, drumsticks, refreshers or sherbet lemons?
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Moony (12:24):
You know what? I've not had sherbet lemons in SOOO LONG!
Those please!
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Padfoot (12:24):
Grabbed and grabbed!
So, what do we need to talk about?
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Moony (12:25):
Oh, it's not serious, it can wait until you're home.
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Padfoot (12:25):
Home?
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Moony (12:26):
I … yes?
Well, not home I suppose. Here. Where I am.
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Padfoot (12:26):
Oh, Moons … The things I want to say to you but don't want to scare you off xx
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Moony (12:27):
Should I be concerned?
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Padfoot (12:27):
Definitely not x
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Moony (12:27):
Oh … okay. Good.
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Padfoot (12:30):
Hey Moony?
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Moony (12:30):
Yes, Paddy?
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Padfoot (12:31):
I'll be home as soon as I can xxx
A/N: I know it's shorter than normal, but ... I hope you like this regardless x