Sakura was in a battle of wills.
She tried to focus on the road ahead of her, the reins in her hand and the gentle rolling motion of the horses as they plodded down the road. She tried to ignore the prickling on the back of her neck that came from the certain knowledge she was being watched, and most of all, she tried not to look at the man who was watching her.
Hiro lounged on the back step of his own caravan, which happened to be the one directly ahead of Sakura's. He had a tasselled mat and two fat velvet pillows to rest upon, his attendants regularly brought him snacks and drinks, and when the trees finally thinned and the desert sun came out from behind the clouds, a shade sail was lowered to protect his noble skin.
He was slightly too far, and the convoy slightly noisy, for him to try talking to her (thank god), but he seemed more than happy to just sit and stare. It was driving Sakura mad, trying to focus on the horses and their surroundings instead of the man just a few dozen feet directly ahead of her. They weren't planning to stop today, except for short pauses to rest the horses, so there was no end in sight to her torture.
"Bored," came a voice from within her caravan, and she couldn't quite stop the fond smile from reaching her face (I miss you, tanuki mask…). Hopefully Hiro hadn't noticed.
"Read something," she called softly back through the canvas flap that separated the driver from their passenger. Kakashi had kept his promise all morning, staying holed up within the confines of his mini apartment.
"I've read every official memo, scroll and guidebook twice now," the man sighed. "And I'm not allowed to read fun books anymore, so I didn't even pack them."
"I've got some medical texts you can read," she told him, fishing under the seat for her scrolls. "A couple of them even have pictures."
A head of silver hair popped through the flap. "Am I still technically inside the caravan if I join you up here for a bit?"
"I suppose," she said, because she didn't want to protest while Hiro was watching. "But please read quietly and try not to distract me, Hokage-sama."
"Why are you talking like -oh." Kakashi recognised the man who was watching them, giving an awkward wave. "Hello, Hiro-dono."
Hiro returned the wave with a languid smile. "Kakashi-dono. Lovely view, isn't it?"
Sakura ground her teeth. They were deep into the desert at this point, with nothing but sand for miles.
I'll give you a 'view'...
While she amused herself with fantasies of slapping Hiro's stupid smile off his stupid face, she unsealed the storage scroll of books she had brought. "Here you are, Hokage-sama. The Endocrine System, Volumes I-IV is particularly interesting." She slid Volume I across without taking her eyes off the road.
"Thanks." She could tell from his tone that the prospect of reading a dry medical textbook was less than appealing, and once again she fought to keep herself from grinning.
"Chapter One," he began resignedly, before catching his breath. "Is this…"
"Please read it silently, Hokage-sama."
The Endocrine System, Volumes I-IV were indeed a riveting read for the average medic, but she had removed the spine and cover and glued her copies of the Icha Icha series inside them months ago. It was the only way to read them in public without looking like, well, Kakashi.
"What if you wanted to learn about hormones?" Kakashi whispered, barely suppressing a very undignified giggle.
"Then I would read Icha Icha Paradise."
They reached their next camping point in the mid-afternoon, having made excellent time thanks to their anxious pace. Sakura practically leaped off her seat to begin untacking the horses. She'd given Kakashi 'permission' to leave the caravan, as long as he didn't leave the outer limits of the camp at any point.
Once the horses had been fed she went to the larger mess tent that served the non-VIP members of the convoy and got a bite for herself. After that, she didn't really know what to do with her time. She could check in with the perimeter guard, or even help out at the medical tent if she was really bored. Technically, she was still working as the Hokage's bodyguard; but it was one thing to shadow Kakashi as a faceless ANBU agent, and quite another to do it as Haruno Sakura. Tanuki never felt awkward standing in the corner of the VIP mess tent while the nobles and officials ate dinner. Tanuki never looked strange coming in and out of the Hokage's personal chambers. But as herself, it was all too…personal. She recalled Hiro's comment about Kakashi keeping kunoichi in storage. Better that nobody get the wrong idea about their relationship.
Or perhaps the 'right' idea.
As if thinking about the men had summoned them, Kakashi and Hiro both exited the VIP mess tent together. Before she could hide, Hiro sighted on her like a hawk. "Ah, Sakura! Just the girl I was hoping to find."
"My lords," she acknowledged them stiffly, ignoring the rudeness of Hiro using her first name. "Is there something I can help you with?" She directed this to Kakashi only.
"As a matter of fact, there is," Hiro said, rubbing his upper arm. "My wound from last night has been giving me pain, and my physician has been completely useless. Kakashi-dono tells me that you're the very best in the business."
"Did he?" she arched a brow at Kakashi, who avoided her gaze.
"So naturally, I've come to request your expert services."
She shook her head as politely as she could. "I'm sorry my lord, but I'm afraid I'm here as a bodyguard to the Hokage, and cannot accept any work that would clash with those duties." It was more or less bullshit, considering she'd only just been thinking about assisting at the medical tent, but if the choice was between following Kakashi around all evening or 'servicing' Hiro, she knew which she'd prefer. "But I'm sure the medics enlisted to this convoy are more than capable."
"Oh I'm sure the Hokage can spare you for a little while, can't you Kakashi-dono?" Hiro clapped him on the shoulder like they were old friends. "If Sakura is the best medic, don't I deserve the best?"
To her surprise, Kakashi nodded. "Of course, Hiro-dono; how can I refuse a medical emergency?"
Sakura scoffed. "If it's just pain, it's hardly an emer-"
"-Sakura, you will accompany Hiro to the medical tent and examine his arm. Now, please."
It was the same ruse from that morning, but instead of saving her from Hiro, he was suddenly throwing her to the wolves.
This is worse than Beginner's Sword classes…
But wasn't this what she wanted? To create some professional distance between her and her client? Kakashi still wouldn't look her in the eye, so she had no way of knowing if this was his reasoning. Perhaps he just wanted a powerful man to owe him a favour.
"As you command, my lord." She bowed so low she could have kissed her own knees. "I live to serve."
She sat alone with Hiro, trying to hide her seething resentment for him, Kakashi, and the whole situation. Hiro had suggested they retire to the 'privacy' of his caravan, but she'd pretended not to hear him. He had, however, emptied the entire medical tent for their personal use, and then winked at her like it was supposed to be impressive that he'd kicked people with actual injuries out of their sickbeds.
Nobles…
"Lift your sleeve, please."
He obeyed, showing her a crisp white bandage that had clearly been refreshed only a few hours ago. Instead of undoing it, she made a show of forming diagnostic seals and gently probing the area.
"Hiro-sama, this injury has already been treated with healing chakra." She had assumed his medic was a civilian, and that Hiro wanted her to 'magically' heal the cut along with any pain or chance of scarring. But clearly his physician was a medic-nin, and had already done a fine job. "There's nothing more to heal."
"It really hurts," Hiro winced. "Maybe Ponzu missed something when he healed it."
"I know Ponzu." He'd been a decent medic before he went private. "I doubt he made such an error, and I certainly can't see anything wrong. Perhaps the muscle is just sore from travelling."
"That might be it…" Hiro agreed reluctantly, and then his eyes brightened as if a wonderful idea had just occurred to him. "Maybe if you massaged it…?"
Sakura dropped her jutsu and gave him her blankest expression. "You want me to massage your arm?"
"Well if it is travel soreness, then I'd be sore all over," he reasoned, "so it might be best if I lie down on the bed. That way you can be thorough. Wouldn't want you to overlook something important."
"You know what, Hiro? You're right." She smiled brightly. "Lie down on the bed and I'll do a thorough examination."
Kakashi had only found himself heading in the direction of the medical tent because he was bored. Or distracted. No, not distracted; 'distracted' implied something was distracting him. He was simply bored and wound up in this part of camp purely by coincidence.
And then, purely by coincidence, he'd found a really nice rock to rest on for a little while.
He was relaxing on a random rock and listening to the general chaos of camp in a nonspecific way. And there was nothing in particular on his mind, or weighing on his conscience.
And if he happened to be glancing toward the medical tent every few seconds, then that was just because it happened to be in his line of sight.
Sakura probably hated him now. Not that it mattered. She was nobody in particular to him, after all. An old friend. A former student. A colleague. She was a colleague, and yes, he had hugged her that morning and could still smell her scent on his bedsheets, but that didn't mean anything and wouldn't mean anything and that was fine. Because she was nobody.
And obviously that was a fucking lie, but he'd come too far to screw everything up now. He'd managed fine when he thought she was far away, and would manage fine knowing she was actually closer than she'd been in months. And that she still cared about him, even now.
Hiro's request to be seen by his 'pet nurse' still rankled. Bad enough when Sakura was Tanuki, and the only things Hiro knew about her was 'female' and 'ninja'. Now, he knew she was brilliant, and beautiful, and loyal. She was a valuable prize for any collector; and would be even more valuable to Hiro if he thought for even a second that Kakashi cared about her.
A scream rang out from the medical tent, and Kakashi was on his feet seemingly without conscious thought. But before he could take more than three steps toward the tent, Hiro burst out like it was on fire.
Half the camp had rushed over at the sound of the scream, including the medical staff who had been kicked out of the tent and left to loiter nearby. They all watched, bemused, as the nobleman gave yet another noble shriek and then sprinted off up the path. A few attendants hurried after him, perhaps to make sure he didn't try to run all the way back to Konoha.
After a few seconds, the source of his terror emerged from the tent. Sakura wore a satisfied smile and a slug the size of a cat on her right shoulder. Katsuyu's sluggy little face was puckered and turned toward the crook of Sakura's neck as though she were ashamed.
"It's not your fault," Sakura assured her. "As a VIP, Hiro-sama deserved the best treatment possible; especially after I failed to find the source of his pain on my own. Though I must say, he does seem to be much better now." She shrugged, and Katsuyu bobbed with the movement.
Some of the onlookers began to laugh, and the medics who knew Katsuyu came over to greet her before the summoning ended. Kakashi took the opportunity to leave unnoticed.
Two years ago, he would have laughed. Hell, two years ago he probably would have helped. But he had learned so much about politics since then. The civilian nobles and shinobi elders he dealt with on a daily basis weren't sweet fools like the monarchs of the Crescent Moon Kingdom. They were sharp, and even idiots like Hiro were dangerous. They had power, and they were more than comfortable wielding it.
The day Tsunade first asked him to replace her, he had been formally introduced to the feudal lord and others from the village council. They had appraised him like a piece of livestock, circling him and remarking on everything from his hair to his posture, as if it had any bearing on his intelligence or ability to fight. Kakashi was surprised they didn't lower his mask and check his teeth.
After the physical examination they went on to ask a seemingly endless stream of questions; some perplexing, most invasive. Do you have any blood relatives? Are you attracted to women? Are you currently dating or otherwise courting anyone, and if so, what is their family name? Would you ever consider a political marriage?
He knew his Hatake chakra made him fairly desirable as a potential sire to shinobi children, and though his Hatake name didn't come with as much wealth of renown as it used to, it was still an 'old' name, and old families were respectable by default. There was a reason three out of five previous Hokages were Senju, after all. He thought he'd understood what it would mean to be Hokage: look respectable (i.e. stop reading porn in public, keep dog hair off the robe, and maybe brush his hair more often) and protect the village (i.e. physically stop it being destroyed, ensure the future generation could thrive, and project strength in any dealings with the other villages). The marriage questions implied there were more ways he could choose to 'look respectable' and 'protect the village', if he chose; but if Tsunade could dodge it for all these years, then so could he.
And then they had asked about Sakura.
He wasn't sure how they even knew they were close friends, considering at that point it had only been a month or two since the war ended and Sakura's nightmares had begun. They asked about the nature of their relationship. "Just friends," he had answered; but perhaps too quickly, because their next question was "are you having sex?" and Kakashi had to take a full five seconds to calm down enough to dignify it with a response. Tsunade, who had stayed in the room during the interview, excused herself around this time. He wished he could have done the same.
"She is seventeen," Koharu, the elder kunoichi who always seemed to be scowling, remarked.
There was a pause after this. "Is there a question there?" Kakashi had finally asked. Perhaps he should have been ruder about it, tried harder to get himself rejected as a candidate.
"If you were romantically involved, she would be suitable enough."
"Suitable for what?" Kakashi had blurted out, instead of something smarter like 'well we aren't romantically involved so this whole line of questioning is moot, and also these aren't questions.'
"As a wife," Koharu had said, like he was a particularly stupid child. "Or at least as a mother to any future children. She is young, strong, and genetically submissive. An ideal candidate."
"Her family name is not particularly distinguished," one of the feudal lord's representatives (a noble in his own right) sniffed. "But you could always marry someone befitting your status, put your heir in her, and then produce more children with the Haruno girl if that were your inclination."
His father had mentioned the possibility of this occurring, back when Hatake Sakumo was himself a young widower with genetically exceptional chakra. He'd told Kakashi there would be people that wanted to use him to strengthen the village in ways other than fighting. Too young to notice girls, and too full of terminal duty to question authority, Kakashi hadn't understood why his father had phrased it like a warning. Why Sakumo assiduously avoided dating of any kind, long after Kakashi's mother had passed.
Kakashi wished he had paid more attention.
"Let me be absolutely clear on this matter: I have no intention of marrying nor procreating with anyone, now or in future. I will live and die as a sworn bachelor. And as for Haruno Sakura," he hoped he looked more confident than he felt, "she is my former student and current subordinate. I have no feelings for her beyond duty."
He knew Sakura wondered why he kept her at arm's length after that. He knew it hurt her when he pushed her away. He knew she didn't understand. Part of him hoped her feelings for him were a temporary flash, a response to trauma and kindness. That she would shake it off and move on to something, someone easier to love. Then he could put his own feelings in a little box and bury it in his soul.
But the universe hated him, so here she was. Brilliant. Beautiful. Loyal.
But never, ever, his.