No one in the history of the universe (no matter which one) cursed greenery as much as she did, Shiori was sure of it. These monstrosities were growing here just to make her existence a living hell, because when konoha nins were seeing a tree, it's obvious they had to jump on it, otherwise it would end with their sudden and painful demise. They were from Village Hidden in Leafs so they couldn't just walk like normal human beings, they had to imitate these fucking squirrels!

Another jerk interrupted her train of thoughts. The girl shifted in her cousin's arms to have a better look at the night sky and their companions. The Road to Konoha was unusually quiet. Rin held on the sidelines, avoiding all, but especially Obito, who wasn't too happy with the development. The boy had no idea what he did to hurt her so, because she was hurt. It was particularly clear when she shrank from his touch. It was wrong on so many levels he couldn't even start to count them, and what was worse, he didn't know how to fix it.

While Obito and Rin were sulking and experiencing their own moral revolts, their last teammate savored the rare silence. Kakashi practically oozed the essence of contentment even with their sensei gone. Minato went ahead to notify the authorities of their small discovery in the form of a girl with particularly red hair and unhealthy green face. He and Kushina seemed to not worry about dense atmosphere between children, most likely being all too familiar with teenage drama.

On the other hand, all Shiori could think of was her sore head and tender stomach. She wanted nothing more than to stand in one position long enough to put to rest legions of elephants waltzing in her guts. She was sleepy and emotionally drained, it wasn't so surprising, as for the five-year the last few days, or years, depending on how you looked at it, were very exhausting.

As if sensing her little cousin growing distress Kushina put a hand on her back and started drawing circles, needing to calm down the child. Shiori sighed once more, nuzzling herself into the warm body under the stars, which were like a beautiful, surreal blanket above their heads. She could feel older Uzumaki's heartbeat and hear the soft, relaxed and utterly content breaths. That's when, half-asleep, realization hit her: occasionally people were like stars – they had to fall to make somebody's wish come true.

Ω

As she was roused from a heavy slumber, she was first aware of a pair of warm lips on her forehead and a male voice.

"Shiori-chan, you must wake up. There is someone you need to talk to."

"Is it truly necessary, Minato?" Asked the lips. "I'm sure it could wait until morning."

A pair of big, calloused hands took her from the secure embrace and put her wobbly legs on the floor. The girl dragged her sleepy gaze to the stone-faced, blond jonin and his fiancé. Kushina seemed nervous, but Shiori couldn't understand why; the woman was perfectly happy before and yet her hand trembled when she laid it on the child's head.

"Shiori-chan, this is Hokage-sama."

This few words were more than enough to wake her up. Those golden eyes inventoried their surroundings; the vast, neat and totally impersonal office with three elderly people standing over a hunched figure, sitting by the desk. Hokage's face was obscured by a big hat, but the sensation of his gaze on her was more than a simple impression. For the first time after her death, the woman in the child's body was feeling like a truly inexperienced and completely helpless baby. She would give everything for some explosive seals, hell, even a Molotov cocktail in her grasp would be a considerable bust for her self-confidence right now.

"So, this is Yori-sama's grandchild" whispered one of the men, loudly enough so everyone in the room could hear him perfectly.

The man wasn't yet the shriveled creature, impersonating a mummy and walking with a cane, nevertheless Shiori had no doubt that in front of her stood no one other than Danzo - one of the biggest douchebags she had ever heard of.

The woman remembered his character far better than the present Hokage. About the Third, besides the general impression of dislike resembling the one she held against Dumbledore, she knew only that he was killed by Orochimaru. In her current lifespan she gathered nothing about Danzo, but many things clearly implying that the Third was called a god of shinobi for a reason. Well, if people that were able to move at the speed of flying bullet; casted spells, compared to which Harry Potter should hide and be forgotten; and generally were tools of total destruction, named someone a "god", then that someone had to know few things about badass-ness.

Shiori hadn't even noticed when she hid behind Kushina and attached herself to her legs like a burdock to dog's tail.

"Come closer, Uzumaki-san." Ordered the voice under the red cap. Shiori had been expecting the rasp of old age but his voice was more like a sergeant; tough and noticeably accustomed to giving orders.

Then the brim of the hat lifted, revealing tired eyes observing her with the gaze of a stranger that detached judgement deprived of sentiments. Since she was carried into his office the Hokage made some opinion of the child. The girl didn't like it but she understood his reasons. Though she was brought in by one of the best Konoha's shinobi and the last Uzumaki, there always was a possibility the child could be dangerous to the Village; his Village. The Hokage had to make an observation, a casual assessment. Was she friend or foe? His stare was as uncomfortable as a chorus-girl corset and had the same effect on Shiori's breathing, restrained and shallow. There was no sympathy behind those eyes.

Kushina's hand was on her head again, however she didn't push the girl forward, she hid her even more, not liking where it was going.

"Hokage-sama, I still don't think this is necessary. She's just a kid and…"

"We both know this isn't true, Kushina."

The older Uzumaki plastered a false smile to her face, trying to hide her discomfort and at the same time transfer a message to Minato that he was a miserable snitch, who in the best case would be sleeping on the couch for the next month.

"Well, she's a little odd, grumpy and far too serious but…"

"I met her before in Uzu," again the Hokage didn't let her finish. "But I guess she doesn't recognise me."

It changed when he took off his hat.

The girl, disregarding his demand behind Kushina's legs, gawked at him wild-eyed, as a damned soul might look at Satan passing in his majestic grandeur through the circles of hell.

"You had to be fucking kidding me." She murmured.

The Third fully shared her sentiment, because he thought exactly the same thing an hour ago hearing Minato's report. The old Uzumaki hag was unforgettable, and so were her granddaughters.

Ω

Yori-sama's stare wasn't intentionally emotionless, her face just lacked the flexibility. Her sickly-yellow eyes rested on one point, remaining like that far longer than they should. Others adjusted their paths to not cross hers and stand further back than was necessary. It was like the extended eye contact commanded a larger degree of physical separation. If it didn't work, unfortunate souls faced stubbornness worth a wild hog and a tongue so sharp, they could nearly be sliced in two if the woman believed them to be worth of her time, let alone bothered to utter a word to them at all.

The men lifted a cup of tea trying to stay as motionless as possible. One move and heaps of paper would bury him alive, since papers of all kinds, from thick books and old scrolls to loosely flying notes on subjects variating from fuinjutsu to astronomy were everywhere in the house; on the floor, tables, chairs and cupboards. Hell, he would give his left nut that there were some sealing scrolls even under the bathtub.

The old woman seemed to not pay attention to any of it, putting last touches to prepared toasts. In addition to the sound of a knife slicing tomatoes, he heard the cracks and groans of the decrepit staircase complaining as a pair of feet came thumping down the ageing stairs, skipping three steps at a time.

"Why you didn't wake us, granny?!" lamented a rosy-haired girl, entering the kitchen like a typhoon at its peak. "We will be la… Sarutobi-sama! I'm so sorry I haven't seen you before."

Hiruzen laughed diminishing her fears, yet he quickly regretted as a nearby stack of documents began to sway.

"No harm done, Suzu-chan," the Third assured holding his breath, not daring to even exhale on the rickety paper tower. "It's good to see you. I must say that your performance in the last chunin exam was marvelous."

"I know, I totally kicked their…" Suzu couldn't say what she kicked because a full plate was placed right in front of her nose and one piece of the toast landed in her mouth.

"Fetch your sister." It was a voice that knew no objections.

Before Sarutobi could blink, the girl disappeared only to stroll to the room a second later with a smaller redhead slung over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes that was unceremoniously thrown into the seat next to him.

As the child's head slumped into the folds of her brightly pink nightshirt in white rabbits, Sarutobi wondered if she wasn't some misplaced Nara. Her facial expression was corpse-like, not just sagged but completely lacking Uzumaki's usual vigor, as if she had left her spirit cuddling under the blanket. The girl's eyelids drooped and there was a slight lolling to her head. Even the little hands barely touched the breakfast and altogether her limbs bore the appearance of being too heavy for her, as if she was struggling against gravity fare more than everyone else.

As Suzu was madly running around, still munching her toast and trying to pack various scrolls into a small backpack, her little sister finally noticed the man sitting next to her, turned towards him her large, mesmerizing eyes and blinked.

"Hello, little bunny, how are you this beautiful morning?" He tutted just like he was doing every day, greeting his own son. They had to be in similar age because even a slightly older children didn't have such innocence in their eyes.

Those eyes blinked slowly one more time and turned to the old hag.

"Is he intellectually underdeveloped?" She deadpanned, Suzu almost tripped choking on her toast and their grandmother looked at him as if considering the answer.

"Nah," the old woman replied after a moment. "Hiruzen-chan is simply stupid."

The golden-eyed girl regarded him dubiously but said nothing and with a jaded expression began to eat away her breakfast, but the other girl wouldn't have it.

"Granny, you shouldn't teach her to be bad-mannered like that. And you, Shiori-chan, apologize now."

"Why?" mumbled the child, loudly swallowing a bite.

"Because you were rude."

"I, rude? Never," she stated, carefully wiping her mouth with a handkerchief, not wanting to leave even a crumb. "I was only making sure that my assessment of our guest was correct. It turned out that my hypothesis was false to a certain extent."

The older sister wanted to say something but the little one effectively interrupted her.

"And now we'll be late, again."

Suzu as if struck by thunder looked at the old clock on the wall and bolted, throwing the girl onto her shoulder then running upstairs, only to return a moment later with an already dressed child, whom once again was treated like a sack of potatoes, what - judging by her apathy - was apparently a normal circumstance. The young kunoichi also had to be used to it because without a second thought she rushed outside, putting the shoes on the way and closing the door with a bang.

The kage's brows knitted in a frown trying to understand what exactly happened and why mountains of papers hadn't yet collapsed in all this madness.

"Without a doubt that one is something else".

Hearing him the Uzumaki matron scoffed.

"Don't waste my time on meaningless chit-chat, kiddo. Have you decided which one do you want?"

Dissatisfaction plowed his face when he pulled from his breast pocket a scroll and unsealed it, summoning a stack of folders.

"We still think that someone directly from Mito-sama line would be the best."

"Then use her grandchildren," she sneered, making Hiruzen glance at the knife lying dangerously close to her wrinkled hand. "If I remember correctly my dear little sister has two, right?"

"Tsunade and Nawaki are also of Senju blood…"

"In your place, Hokage-sama, I would remember who is giving you a leash keeping that monster of yours in check" Threat as well as disdain in her voice wasn't even veiled. "The treaty my father singed with Hashirama is old and times changed."

"What are you suggesting?"

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all," She cackled humorlessly. "But better forget about my granddaughters. Suzu is brilliant and loyal to a fault and what's more, in a few years she will be the one leading Uzushio. Have in mind she is still in favor of supporting Konoha, what's extremely rare these days, so you should kiss her ass while you still can. As for Shiori, well, let's just say she would start poking the seal before its even completed. Besides, she is ill-suited to be a kunoichi, far too arrogant. Yet someday she will be a great seal master. She has all the technical stuff in her pinky and she knows it. Hell, she is even worse than the one of your brats, that pretty one."

Sarutobi cringed at the thought of his favorite pupil and the youngest Uzumaki princess. These two put together would be awful, but looking at the current mood in the Uzushiogakure it apparently was one of the last of his problems. After Tobirama's death relationship between both Villages had significantly deteriorated. Without Senju Uzumaki the clan stopped believing in the superiority of Konoha over other nations, thus doubting in the protection promised to them. Uzushio was a small Hidden Village, nevertheless what they lacked in manpower they certainly made up for with their fuinjutsu users. Unfortunately, in recent times the village was becoming more and more alienated, sending to Konocha fewer sealing experts and formulas. Even simple exploding tags weren't as common as twenty years ago. If someone knew what to listen for, they could hear whispers of rebellion and change of allegiance, and something like that couldn't occur without resistance. The Land of Fire would drown in blood of civil war that had not been seen in decades.

"Orochimaru," he muttered mindlessly.

"That's him. The boy reminds me of Tobirama-kun when we were younger. They have the same arrogance and air of superiority. I only hope your genin won't end like him."

"He's a jonin now," the man corrected.

"And you think that matters?" The woman regarded him with pity, coming closer. "Jonin, genin, even kage, one way or the other everyone dies."

Sarutobi did not know whether he should treat her words as a threat or good natured warning. He supposed it was both.

"But enough of this nonsense." One wrinkled, old finger resembling withered branch tapped the stack of folders containing data about the majority of Uzumaki children. "Witch one do you want?"

"I suppose Kushimoto's daughter will be sufficient."

Ω

Shiori was thinking about the same moment in her life, wanting nothing more than kick herself, hard. That morning she hadn't the foggiest idea what was the third hokage name, and even if she had, her brain would refuse to associate the name with the rather stupidly looking man. Hokage wasn't a person but a label, idea of higher power somewhere far, far away. He was like a pope or president of a foreign empire.

Not to mention she behaved like a total ass.

"I called you intellectually underdeveloped." She whispered with a fright, causing a wheezing sound out from Minato's throat.

Sarutobi barely stopped rising the corners of his mouth. At least she wasn't an imposter.

"Sorry, Hokage-sama, she doesn't know what she's saying." Kushina apologized clamping her hand over the girl's mouth. "Please, don't pay attention to her. She is always rambling, juggling so many difficult words in that big brain of hers that most times whatever comes out is complete gibberish. She really didn't want to offend you, sir."

"Oh, I think she wanted. And only thing she regrets is the fact of being at my mercy."

Shiori mentally face palmed. Her poker face had to be lacking or the hokage was a fucking mind-reader. In Uzu she shamelessly prided herself on extraordinary intelligence and now it backfired with a force of an atomic bomb. She wanted to be allowed to learn the more advanced secrets of sealing arts; the more she knew, the easier it would be to obtain the refuge in another Village. Now the woman was like a true toddler, subjected to the whims of politicians and killers. It couldn't be worse.

"If the child is as intelligent as you think it is, we should provide proper up bring."

It wasn't Shiori's hand that face palmed her in the forehead. Danzo's words triggered a panic attack not only on a small Uzumaki redhead. Kushina in the throes of protest hid the girl rather forcibly behind Minato's legs, at the same time hissing in the face of the village shadowking. Any normal woman would be ignored, but Kushina… well, with rising crimson locks and wild snarl on her face there was no forgetting what was made of her at their own request.

"Shiori-chan is family," her growl held unwavering attention of all present. "My last family and she will be under my care."

"Don't forget your place, Uzumaki," unfortunately Danzo was not someone who was easily intimidated. Shiori suspected it was required while maintaining a private army.

Heavens hold their breath, when the furious woman was one step away from physically expressing her rage. The tension flowed down a sewage of perdition only thanks to the blond man's forty-karat smile, who put his hand on Kushina's arm.

"Kushina exactly knows what she's doing, Danzo-sama. She's the only living Uzumaki we know of, so she is the best suited to teaching Shiori-chan everything she needs to learn."

"There is also a problem of the child's training." Interjected a woman who until now remained silent. "Once Tobirama sensei mentioned tradition of suspending shinobi training among children with Uzumaki blood until they are seven years old."

Finding an unexpected ally in Utatane Koharu, Kushina relaxed, barely.

"We have far more chakra than others so it's really hard to control it properly. With young, poorly developed chakra coils and massive chakra amount, attempts to use it often ended tragically, hence the sanctions. The older we get our progress is growing faster."

"The child is too precious to…"

The fact she loudly snorted, Shiori attributed on uncanny likeness between Danzo's voice and Gollum's hisses. Whatever was to blame, it was Kushina who saved her from an avalanche of glares that would fly towards her already traumatized person.

"It's not your call! What will happen to her, Hokage-sama?"

The man was tired. His office often was full of tension but now the few words people said felt like sand gritted in cogs between his ears. Hiruzen looked around at the faces, how the tightness of their jaws and shoulders were reflected in one another. His own guts had become tight and the usual ready smile was anxious to decorate his face. The hokage once more focused on the little girl holding Minato's pants for dear life. She stood in the room like the floor would give out under her tiny body and swallow her all. Shiori desperately tried to hide how horrified she was. She could willfully control her body movements to be not as stiff. She could make herself smile somewhat even if it looked pasted on. But her perspiration was ruling itself and in no time she had two staining patches under her armpits. No matter how devious the kid was, she was a five-year-old trembling mess and Hiruzen couldn't in his right mind distress her more.

"Take her home, Kushina. For now" the last part was added as a reminder they weren't done.

Minato didn't wait till the Hokage would change his mind. He grabbed both redheads and used Hiraishin, taking them home.

Ω

With all his brilliance Minato was a dumbass. He knew it when the yellowish, smelly portion of vomit landed on his shirt. It was only confirmed by those tortured golden pools clearly saying "you're an idiot". Kushina not only shared this view, she seemed to get it even further being pissed off. Maybe she was pissed off generally and not particularly at him? He certainly hoped so, otherwise he was as good as dead.

His hopes crumbled when she forcefully snatched the sick girl from his arms. The hopes dug into the floor, when she turned to disappear in the bathroom with such force that her enflamed curls smashed him in the face. His zombie status in their relationship was proven by next hour. The girls came out from the bathroom only to disappear in the depths of their bedroom – the room Minato probably wouldn't see for a long time.

The hard welcome that met the kid wasn't his fault. Honestly, he had no idea what was so alarming in Shiori that merited the presence of those old war mongrels. What was most disturbing, no one even tried to ask about the attack on Uzushio. It reminded him more of damage control meeting than anything else. Minato's mouth ran dry and his stomach turned in an unfriendly way. He felt as if his brain was either firing off a million very bad thoughts at once or offering nothing at all.

The man put down a notebook in which he had been doodling mindlessly for nearly an hour sitting in the kitchen. He stood and stealthily began to approach the bedroom, stopping by the entrance but hearing nothing. Perhaps they were already sleeping? He quietly opened the door. The room was silent, save for a pair of breaths, whose owners were snoozing like two logs. He crossed the room until at the foot of the bed he was able see them.

Shiori was on her belly, with a small frown upon her forehead and wrinkled nose. Despite it she looked so cute (especially wearing Kakashi's old shirt in shuriken pattern) that he nearly squealed. Minato had an inkling he would be wrapped around her little finger in no time. He had a weakness in form of Uzumaki charm. Genuine or precisely calculated, it was meaningless.

Kushina was a different tale.

She was exhausted, both physically and mentally, clutching the smaller girl as if she was going to disappear. The lovely locks tangled without their usual nightly braid that tonight was made only on Shiori's head.

Minato had never known his parents. He was one of many orphans in the Village so not having family was nothing special for him, but for Kushina it was hell. It was like seeing someone's emotions bleed-out before you with a wound that would never heal. After Mito-sama's death it was even more apparent. After all these years she was still clinging to every soul she met, looking for someone to fill the unfillable.

He sat on the floor leaning against the bed. He was curious if fate would allow him a few hours of sleep before making him to get back from the world of stillness to cacophony of everyday life?

It appeared fortune granted him his wish, making him sleep even when hours later Shiori awoke to soft sheets. The girl slowly and reluctantly blinked, closed her eyes, and blinked again. Streaks of sunlight pierced the window blinding her. She sat up and all she had known was her stomach that felt like a black hole. Getting food was her fixation, thinking of anything else was just a waste of time. She dragged her feet off the bed, being careful not to accidentally wake up the still sleeping adults. She rubbed her knuckles onto golden eyes, watching her legs dangling above the red carpet.

Next to her knee Minato's stunning face was sloping back, and even drooling did nothing to diminish his magnificence. The worst was he wasn't only roughly handsome. His heart was as gold as his hair and his eyes showed the kind of gentle concern Shiori would kill for. The last night she awoke from a nightmare to his hand laid tenderly on her head, and instead of flinching like she usually did, she was calmed by it. He left his hand there and spoke with such a kind voice. He soothed her more by the way he spoke than the actual words. It felt as if she was enveloped in a blanket of his compassion and now, few hours later she was ogling him.

She winced at the thought. Theoretically speaking he was at least twenty years younger than her; and practically her hormones were still dormant so she shouldn't think like that. She justified her thoughts as admiration the perfect male specimen of homo sapiens, and sunk out from the bed.

The reborn woman loved sweets in her every life. It was an integral part of her being so; no wonder her eyes immediately focused on a big jar of cookies on the highest shelf in the kitchen. There was no way she could reach it even from a chair. Shiori was crestfallen.

She couldn't climb using chakra because she hadn't known how. She tried, of course, but it was far harder than it seemed. The big downfall of being Uzumaki – your control sucked. That's why the clan was so proficient with fuinjutsu; force capable of influencing nearly everything. Something making you a hacker in global net of physic laws. For example, gravity. Einstein said it was a consequence of the curvature of space-time caused by the uneven distribution of mass or energy resulting in gravitational time dilation, where time lapsed more slowly in lower gravitational potential. So forcefully changing at least one of the factors should…

It's funny how a brain could be so busy with billion ideas at once that it wasn't able to comprehend actions of the body. Shiori didn't know when, or how but suddenly she was sitting on the kitchen floor designing an antigravity seal. More suddenly she was giving it a first try. She stepped on a piece of paper torn from the notebook found on the table and activated the experimental formula. The next moment she was lying on the kitchen linoleum battered like a piñata.

It was even funnier how her brain refused to register a few flips in the air and the contact between her face and the ceiling.

It wasn't funny at all when Kushina came into the kitchen and screamed like a police siren. However, thanks to it, the girl had the possibility of seeing the most hilarious sight. Minato bolted into the room smeared in his own saliva, his head held on odd angle, with only one leg partially hidden in his pants. The scream had to interrupt the poor, stiff, semi-conscious man when he just started to dress.

"Shior-chan, what happened?"Asked the woman.

"And why is there blood on our ceiling?" Added Minato after a moment. His rigid neck helping him spot the red stain.

"It was an experiment." Mumbled the girl trying not to be strangled by her cousin dressing her bleeding nose.

"No wonder Suzu-senpai never wanted to leave you alone. You attract more mishaps than an Uchiha love-struck teenage girls."

Kushina glanced on a pile of ash that once was the disastrous seal and at the little redhead that made it. In Uzu from all her family she liked Shiori the least. She talked funny, never wanted to play and treated everyone like idiots. She was a stuck up know-it-all that drew the whole attention of her beloved senpai; in other words, she was everything Kushina hated and had what she wanted the most. Now the girl was her last relative and the kunoichi couldn't love her more.

"What were you trying to do?"

"I was hungry so I wanted to have that, Kushina-san." She answered pointing at the cookie jar without even a pinch of remorse, not caring about presenting herself as a little glutton. In the end she was Uzumaki and they loved food.

"Cookies," at least that she could understand contrary to the second part "and dangerous experiments, eh? It's good Minato can stay with you when I have a meeting with the barrier corps. Otherwise half of Konoha would have exploded."

The protests from the still sleepy man were of no avail. One pissed look and he was left with the moody child for half of the day. Most of the time everything was going smoothly. Shiori read silently munching cookies as if she wasn't there. Sometimes she asked him a thing or two about space-time seals theory, listened without a word, nod and scribbled something in the notebook she evidently adopted. Everything was perfect until he had to go and discuss the strategy for the frontlines with other jonins. He couldn't take her with him. A war council was no place for a child, even for Shiori. He also couldn't leave her at home. The curious spark in her golden plates clearly announced the next experiments. With who could he leave her?

The room was abruptly far brighter with a brilliant white smile. He had an excellent idea!

"If you are thinking about teleporting remember I puke, a lot."

Well, it was really good day for a little walk.

Ω

Shiori felt like a cuckoo's egg. The attack on the unsuspecting man was carried out in a flash – no pun intended. An older fellow with a prominent nose and head full of gray hair was walking on a street when bang, he held the little girl in his arms.

"Could you watch her? Thanks, sensei!" and the blue-eyed jonin was gone.

The man opened his mouth but nothing came out. Normally he would be in seven heavens if someone threw at him a woman, but the woman had to be at least legal, otherwise it would be just babysitting. The bushy brows knitted in a frown with realization that he was suckered like a total amateur.

"What the hell, Minato?! It's my last day before going back into frontlines! Come back, you son of a bitch, or I will put your balls into a nutcracker and…" He felt silent seeing the blank stare.

"Bad words."

"Oh, fuck."

"Another one." She loved to be a kid.

Ω

She was a rather open minded woman, with all this reincarnation into a manga shit and everything else she had to be, but some things even she couldn't grasp.

"Jiraiya-sama, why is using a three faced circulating loop necessary in the Dark Sealing Method, and why you are changing me into a pervert?"

As expected, her question remained unanswered. All the processing power of Jiraiya's brain dealt with uploaded by eyes data concerning shapes of women's anatomy. Shiori's glance wandered down assessing her curves or rather their lack. It would be at least eight years before she would start gaining assets needed for drawing his attention. Hell, she could be a fuinjutsu genius gifted for a mankind by gods themselves, but without a pair of boobs she was only an obstacle – the constantly whining one. Every man had his needs and urges he wants to fulfill, especially if it's the last day in anticipation of sinking in the nightmare of war. Shiori understood this, really, but she would be damned before being worse than some bimbo.

However, first she had to get down from the tree.

Some subtler methods she applied earlier did not work, so face set on feigned innocence she started tugging his wild mane rather forcefully.

"What's now, kiddo?" He asked, not taking his eyes off a rather well-endowed brunette getting out of the hot spring.

"I must go down, Jiraiya-sama," no reaction. "I need to pee."

The next second she was on the ground. From there the little legs carried her slightly further to the bathhouse fence where nothing stood in the way until a little scream escaped her.

"A snake, there is snake in the water!"

The pandemonium it unleashed was second to none. Women were running and screaming, some were tossing kunais (however Shiori hadn't the foggiest where they hid them), others were throwing jutsu on left and right, but after a moment every one of them got out from the water and disappeared in the changing room.

The greatest Konoha's pervert was furious. It was obvious in the way he loomed above her.

"What, in the name of Tsunade's boobs, have you done?!" he screamed, sending her look designed to peel her hide.

"I have told them there was a snake in the water?"

Jiraiya nearly pulled his hair out.

"But WHY?!"

"I was bored?"

"You're going to sabotage me all day, aren't ya? That's why you are constantly hungry, thirsty and want to braid my hair."

"Maybe?" The pouted pink lips and shy demeanor wasn't compatible with a spark of mischief in the supposedly innocent pools of gold. The kiddo was cute like a button but at the same time she was the Antichrist. The toad sage had to get rid of her.

And that's why now Shiori was dangling by a collar from an outstretched arm of someone she had been unceremoniously thrown at, again. With the last ounce of self-control, she was restraining the waves of vomit wanting to be introduced to the world. Tamagoyaki's smell and tea fumes attacking her nose weren't helping.

"What is that thing, Jiraiya, and why you are giving it to me?" Hissed a voice behind her.

The girl was torn between gawking at the toad summoner laying on the restaurant floor, tangled in some snakes, and the new man whose most prominent features were sharp with intelligence, glowing yellow eyes; black, glossy hair and cheekbones she was dying to touch.

It was official, she was in the presence of freaking Orochimaru. She felt like a rookie illusionist meeting Copperfield, Houdini, Gandalf and Voldemort in one person. It was literally the most brilliant man in Naruto verse. Heck, she couldn't be more awed by Einstein, Edison, Tesla or anyone else. In other words – she was drooling.

"Minato, the traitor, framed me in taking care of the kid; and you know it's my last day in the Village, so…"

"No." the phrase was full of disdain and definiteness.

"Come on, have mercy." Begged the taller man finally removing himself from the reptilian hugs.

"I came back two days ago. Do you have any idea how behind I am in my research because of this stupid war? Months. I need peace and quiet. Something that is not associated with children for a reason."

"I promise, Orochimaru-sama, I will be silent." Shiori put her most angelic face at the same time trying to not look too eager.

"You want to stay with me?"

An enthusiastic nod answered him but the true question was why so he asked.

"Why?"

"He was peeping in the hot springs."

Orochimaru was preparing a nasty tongue lashing but when he turned to his old teammate the man was nowhere to be seen.

Dissatisfaction plowed his brow as he dropped Shiori like some big, ugly bug.

"You will sit, breathe and do nothing else. Understood?"

Another portion of nods from behind the table later Orochimaru once more plunged into reading some files. The girl sat on a bench opposite to him and watched with admiration the long steady hands and the slender fingers of the famous genius, to artist and dreamer. An artist the Snake Sannin was, although his talent expressed itself in the most complicated experiments in the territories of applied science she had ever seen, rather than in the usual forms of art. Sure, he wasn't too humanitarian in his research, but it was society glorifying murderers - varied only the cause in the name of the they killed. For her pursuing the truth was more noble than because my kage said so. But hey, she wasn't one to judge.

Shiori was mesmerized for half an hour, later, she began to get bored.

Reading files upside down wasn't easy but it was something to do. There were papers about few different studies. Shiori had time to read the end of the hypotheses of a new wind ninjutsu before Orochimaru began evaluating some kind of toxin. The woman never was a chemistry expert but she knew an error when she saw one. The handwriting was unlike the previous one, so the most likely sannin's assistant made a mistake in the calculations and now she was nearly bouncing, eager to share the knowledge. But she promised to be silent.

"What?"

The girl absently shrank, almost completely disappearing under the table. She leaned out cautiously, allowing him to see nothing more than nest of red hair and big eyes.

"There is a mistake." Each word appeared to flow into the next and was spoken so quietly that it caressed the man's ears nearly having no meaning.

"Where?" Orochimaru seemed to be set to one-word sentences as if more effort was a waste of his precious brain-power.

Shiori leaned out more and pointed it with her chubby finger.

"Concentration of Alpha-Amylase is wrong."

"What else?" Two words, they were making progress. Nevertheless, she didn't know what exactly he was talking about. There was no other mistake she noticed but no talking also wasn't the best solution.

"The jutsu?" She tried, and not detecting growing scorn the woman continued. "I have been wondering if instead of moving the air molecules, we could completely take them away?"

Orochimaru frankly assessed her.

"What do you mean by take away?" A full sentence. Shiori wanted to cry from the happiness and pride.

"Create a sort of vacuum. I know that in natural environment it's impossible, but if we add to this a proper area barrier..."

Ω

Minato was going to die; he just knew it. What outstanding idiocy came over him to leave Shiori with sensei? The man was as responsible as a pyromaniac with a flamethrower. Who else would give a child to Orochimaru? The man scared even him! Kushina was scared for Shiori's wellbeing and intact of her genotype, while he and Jiraiya were also terrified by castration hanging over them.

When the rescue party crossed the threshold of the laboratory, to where not even Jiraiya would come voluntarily when sober, they gaped and at once fell silent. The coral haired girl was sitting on a table, wearing far too big goggle and lab coat, putting a sample under a microscope. She was alright; what couldn't be said about the snake summoner. He was looking genuinely happy, what was - mildly speaking - disturbing. His placid demeanor disappeared immediately when he noticed the uninvited guests.

One slender brow went up.

"Can I help you?"

"Kiddo!" Jiraiya seemed to be the most cheerful, no longer having to worry about his manly assets. "I'm sooo happy that you are ok!"

Shiori hid behind her new guru, master and god; afraid to be cuddled in too sturdily arms.

"You left me," accused him a tiny voice. "And went peeping into the bathhouse."

The revenge was sweet; the only problem was that in the form of Kushina's rage it was extremely loud.

"We're living in the world of hamsters."

Orochimaru grimaced but couldn't disagree with the girl.

"Too true."

All bow to mrsmiawallace88 because only thanks to her, you were spared from my feverish sentences (officially, I'm submitting a complaint to whatever god that invented flu).

Also, like always thanks to everyone who's read/reviewed/alerted. To the next time ^^

P.S. (Watch out, self-advertisement ahead) If you like Black Butler manga check my other story.