The adorable little girl, Uzumaki Shiori, that in reality was reborn and not a very nice soul, frowned, looked at her reflection in the mirror and began brushing her teeth.
The toothbrush was the sword of freedom for her. Brushing teeth - an act of rebellion.
In recent times someone was always preparing her a bath (daily running water! - hard to believe how such a detail could put her into a pure bliss); ironing her clothes (brand new ones!); and Kushina was cooking her every meal (and what meals it were! – soon she would start to gain weight). Someone even cleaned her shoes (not any shoes, but well-made, fitting shinobi sandals made from shiny red leather). Kushina and Minato were doting over her and Shiori loved the attention, but some things a woman had to do herself, and one of them was brushing teeth.
The brush slid smoothly over white, tiny pearls.
Yesterday, Kushina dragged the girl for a shopping journey. Minato wanting to redeem himself in the eyes of his fiancé, joined them as soon as he finished training team seven. Before all his sins were forgiven the poor man had to experience hours of wandering after them carrying tons of bags, not to mention pay for their content. It was one of the most bizarre experiences the reborn woman remembered. Shopping with Kushina reminded her massacring shop shelves alongside a tornado. Not that she had anything against it; Shiori liked to shop like any other girl, especially if the crux of it was providing her with many new things, starting from clothes and finishing on the sparkling crayons.
The girl washed out her mouth and thoroughly wiped her face with a towel.
A few years ago, if someone had told her that she would be quietly standing in the bathroom of two of the most important future corpses in the main plot, not even thinking about freaking out, she would feed them with Prozac. But then again it was how her life looked like now.
Deluding herself that she can save everyone wasn't in her nature. Getting a chance, the woman would try to change something, but not in a brainless, heroic and straightforward way. So far her main goal contained living a long, good, happy life. She already died once (or maybe more like once and a half, counting being sealed for a few years); getting into hot water just to improve plot that eventually would end well, was pointless and more importantly - far too dangerous.
She scowled, looking at her reflection. The mirror was a little unusual - slightly convex, reflecting much more than any normal mirror would. It gave a perfect view on trees and roofs outside the window. Shinobi's paranoia at its finest.
The girl mopped her face with a towel and went to her new room, that, judging by the old toys she discovered in a closet, previously also had to be occupied by some kid. From a cupboard she took out a new dress. Shiori was accustomed to the practical, rarely nice clothes, but this dress was from one of the more exclusive shops; being even specially adjusted to her measures. Truth be told, clothed in a fain, blue dress and with the halo of her red hair she looked like Paddington Bear. What was apparently lovely, given the squeak Kushina made seeing her in the kitchen.
"I knew the dress would be perfect. You look so cute, Shiori-chan. I only wish you'd truly be as sweet as you look, without your usual snooty attitude."
"Well, you can't always have what you want, Kushina-san." She enlightened her cousin, sitting at the table and putting a napkin on her lap.
"And why you still call me san, dettabane?! You even call him your Mini-nii!" The older redhead waved a fork toward Minato, who had just entered the room, giving him a slight stinky eye. It seemed he wasn't entirely forgiven yet, at least not for taking Shiori's affection.
"Because he is a total hunk. Good for you, Kushina-san."
The blond haired jonin sweat-dropped, not knowing if he wanted to know.
"Should I even ask?"
"Probably not," answered the kid whose eyes were glued to the shishamo Kushina was taking out of the frying pan.
"Shiori-chan has a crush on you." Gloated the woman putting food on a plate. "Not that I can blame her."
"A cr- cr- crush?" stammered the man trying to surpass the wildly growing panic with a smile. Minato daily sent thanks to heavens that Rin wasn't infatuated with him (fear that Jiraiya sensei very effectively planted). He never was good with rejecting of one's romantic affections, especially if it was someone he cared about. Those indecently big, golden pools looking at him dejectedly would kill and bury him few feet under the ground.
"Don't get your knickers in a twist, Mini-nii. I just said that you're pretty." Shiori reassured him, calculating which piece of fish she should take.
"Hey, that isn't an excuse. I'm also pretty," protested Kushina.
"But he's prettier."
"True," no one could deny it. The first time Kushina saw him she thought he was too pretty to have any other favorable traits. It wouldn't be fair. As it turned out, life was rarely fair. Although in this case the woman was very pleased because of it.
"You know," mumbled Minato, far more relaxed, but not even a slight less blushing. "Men are handsome, not pretty."
Two redheads eyed him boldly, then glanced at each other.
"Neah," announced their united voices.
"Yeah, well…" Minato really needed to find another subject to talk about, his face and its prettiness had always been a rather sensitive topic. "What are you two going to do today?"
"I wanted to show Shiori-chan the Village - you know, beyond market district. And maybe take her to the library." The little girl's ears hearing it twitched like a dog's.
"I thought you have to meet with Iō-san today?" asked the blond, helping to put the last plates on the table.
"I promised to take a look at his new weapon, but I can't leave her. I'll wait until you're back."
"I can stay alone," protested the child but no adult noticed it.
"I'm afraid today it'll take longer. I must help Kakashi prepare for his evaluation, otherwise he will have my head."
"I can stay alone." Once again she was ignored.
Kushina poured them tea and sat with Minato across the child still talking.
"Well, Kakashi isn't patient. Sometimes he's as bratty as Obito."
The girl wanted to repeat herself but in the last moment decided to change her approach.
"I want to stay with Orochimaru-sama!"
That they heard. While Minato choked on his tea, the older Uzumaki's jaw landed on the floor.
"Shiori-chan, I don't think it's the best idea," Kushina started hesitantly. "Orochimaru-sama is a very busy man…"
"But we worked together on completely new jutsu, and studied the poison from Iwa. He promised to share the results with me. I can help."
Minato made his face straighter than a poker player.
"No one doubts it, Shiori-chan. But you must understand that he is a little different."
"Yeah, so am I."
All at once, a blanket of silence fell over the room. It was creepily unnatural, like a morning without a coffee.
"You can't seriously think that further alienating him from friendly human contact will be good for him?" Continued the child furrowing her eyebrows, her disbelief was off the charts to the point that she even distrusted the sincerity of Minato's good intentions towards the Snake Sannin. "Monsters aren't born, Mini-nii. They're shaped by circumstances and people's actions."
If the previous silence was overwhelming, in this one it was possible to hear tectonic movements of continents and Shiori's intestinal peristalsis when she threw herself on the food.
Minato's brain, however praised to the skies by many people, wasn't able to fathom how anyone in one minute could be a little devious, five year old glutton and the moment later throw life wisdom effortlessly like some ancient sage. He looked at Kushina questioningly, hoped that she would have the explanation, but the woman only shrugged, mouthed she was always like that, and began to eat away the breakfast.
Shiori munched happily a rice ball while eyeing Minato's thoughtful expression. There was no way she would be deprived of the opportunity to spend time with the most brilliant mind she had ever heard of – monster, or not.
Ω
For the first time in forever Obito was glad Minato sensei was spending more time with Kakashi than with him. That get rid of the idiot's possible attention, because no matter how sporadic it was, Kakashi always gave him it at the worst moments. So it was obvious Kaka-baka would appear, against all odds, from thin air, when Obito would be putting his daring plan into action.
However, now he could safely knock on the door.
"You're late Mina… Obito?" Kushina was clearly not expecting him at her doorstep. "What're you…? You know what? It doesn't matter. You'll stay with Shiori, ok? Good boy!"
Patted on the head Uchiha blinked. The redhead woman was gone before he could open his mouth, and now he was left with the little oddity under his care. The said oddity was looking out from the living room with bored stiff expression. It couldn't be better!
"Obi-nii?"
"Hello, Shi-chan!* That's me, your best big brother ever." The boy smiled, putting into shame even Cheshire Cat.
"Why are you so happy?" He was far too cheerful, bordering on nuts. The reincarnated woman saw something like this in every Hitchcock movie; it was highly alarming. "What do you want?"
"Whaaat?" Obito was theatrically flabbergasted. "Why do you think I have some interior motives?"
"Obi-nii, you have all the subtleness of a public bedpan."
The boy's smile dropped immediately after being compared to a chamber pot.
"That wasn't nice."
"Yet you still want my help."
"I have a pipe that needs cleaning," he admitted embarrassed.
Shiori was staring at him, entirely red as a tomato. Her eyes and mouth were frozen wide open in an expression of dumbfounded shock.
"Need… you want to… a what?" She mumbled, hoping that her brain would restart in this century.
"I know you're five and it's odd to ask someone so young for a favor like that, but you're my best shot."
"Excuse me?" Her state of shock only deepened, what was clearly visible on her face, so no wonder Obito was more mortified with every second.
"Everything is dirty after we came back and it stinks terribly because of that thick slush when I fall, so my grandma wanted to help hence this morning she grabbed the tap but the cock was completely dry not even a drop and she told me we need to call a plumber but a good one cost a fortune and we're a little short for money because she was sick again and we spent almost the entire savings on medications not that there was a lot but we can't live without water and I thought that if you fixed that water mill maybe you can fix our pipes?
The girl blinked. How could anyone say all that on one breath? He should suffocate! Then it came over her.
"You want me to repair the plumbing in your home?"
"Well, yes? What else could I want."
Shiori kicked her mental ass, rubbing the base of her nose. She had to get her brain out of the gutter; everyone thought that she was five years old, for the fuck sake. And the boy wasn't even contaminated by sexual frivolity of twenty-first century. Thank the providence Obito wasn't a Yamanaka or Shiori would have broken his mind-reading brain. She would never hear the end of it.
"So?"
"So?" parroted the girl still mostly in her thoughts.
"Will you help?"
"Yeah…"
Only later she understood she voluntarily signed up for more work.
Ω
Shiori sat piggyback on Obito's shoulders. Every centimeter of Konoha was filled with a crowd of people. It became clear that whatever they were doing, much of it was associated with screaming. The village wasn't as loud as Uzu (nothing was), but it also wasn't a place of anonymous, always rushing strangers like the big cities she lived in her previous life.
"We're here." said Obito, stopping in the center of a street.
The girl blinked looking around. At first, she thought that she was so occupied scrutinizing people, she hadn't noticed when they went into another area. However, it looked like they still were not too far from Shiori's new home.
"Obi-nii, you don't live in Uchiha's district?" asked the dumbfounded girl.
Obito snorted hearing it.
"This is Uchiha's district or rather street. Many of us live nearby, but it isn't necessary. When Konoha was build we were one of the first settlers, so we live in the center. There is an old compound of the clan head on the outskirts of the village, but it is used mainly for training. Only Fugaku-sama's family and few grumpy, old geezers lives there."
The girl had supposed Uchiha had been always ostracized, seems it wasn't the case. The building to which Obito was unlocking the door was old but well-kept and there was not even a single Uchiha crest on the outside.
"Also, the clan is too big," continued the boy, putting Shiori on the floor after they entered. "It would be weird. We would end squeezed together like these loony Hyugas or even worse, since we outnumber them at least twice."
At this, Shiori gaped. She understood that Uchiha died less often, having those damned dojutsu. Red eyes on – all boost cheat working. But to be so numerous without another, enough powerful clan to balance the forces in play? Decades ago, the Senju family fulfilled this role, but it was almost completely annihilated during the second great shinobi war. Existing situation was dangerous for Konoha and for Uchiha clan. They had power – yes, but also big, red mark on their back.
"They let you breed like that?"
"Hey, we aren't animals, we don't breed! Besides that, what has it to do with our… breeding?" The boy didn't know if he should be more irritated on the behalf of his clan's independence or the breeding term. "And what's wrong with you today, Shiori-chan? You're odd. You know, odder than usual."
"My new knickers are too tight. They cut off the oxygen out of my brain." She deadpanned. "Further, breed is better word than reproduce; and I just thought that after the fiasco with Madara, the Uchiha would be out of Hokage's favor."
"Madara? I don't know any Madara." Obito scratched his head trying to pretend he didn't hear Shiori talking about reproduction. He never was in all this hail to the Uchiha thing some of his cousins believed. Well, he could care less about the clan as a whole, but if it was something so big as the girl implied, it was strange he never before heard about this Madara fellow.
"He was once your clan's head, Obi-nii. Alongside Hashirama he founded Konoha, but later he went all gaga. My granny said he was the most devious being she had ever met," Shiori left the part untold where the old Uzumaki looked at her dubiously and muttered: until you were born.
"What happened to him?"
"Officially – he was killed by the First but Granny doubted it. She said he was way too clever and whacko to die like that."
"She thought he's still alive? But he fought with the First Hokage, you know, THE shinobi god?" Protested the boy. For him Hashirama was the hero above all others. His superiority was an unquestionable fact.
"Yori-obaa-sama called Madara a genius and she was more nuts than me. So if you ever meet the ancient Uchiha, know he's scheming something against your village, friends and family. Promise me, Obi-nii, you will not believe anything he says, and run away as fast as possible. OK?"
Obito blinked crossing his eyes to focus on a chubby pinky finger in front of his nose. Shiori had to stand on her tiptoes to reach so high. He didn't know her long, but after the first ten minutes when she awoke, he never really thought about her like about a child. For him she was that weird thing, locked in a child's body, pretending to be sweet and innocent, and what was worse – being lame at it. But now, with puffy cheeks and so serious eyes set in pure determination on some fairy tale, Obito was sure she was just a snarky five-year-old Uzumaki. It was more than enough.
The boy smiled and made a pinky promise.
"I, Uchiha Obito, solemnly swear to never believe a word of the old psycho, Uchiha Madara, and run away from him immediately when possible."
"Good, and now show me those pipes."
Half an hour later, Shiori was laying under the sink in Obito's kitchen, pounding with a hammer against the old boiler. The reborn woman was torn between shimmering anger at indoor plumbing about what she knew next to nothing; and bursting pride, that her not so humble self may have just kicked the plot in the sack. How good it was, to had a devil-of-grandmother from whom you could learn so many things, no other five-year-old should know, and who at the same time was too dead to tell you bullshit? Sure, it wasn't certain the girl changed anything, but it was possible; and what's more important, it was possible with a minimal effort.
"How's it going?"
Shiori's stupendous death-glare clearly meant she wanted nothing more than dress him as a lettuce and feed him to the snails.
"Just splendid," she hissed. "If you don't count the fact that I have no idea what I'm actually doing, and that you haven't cleaned here completely. If I get dirty, I'll tell Kushina-san that you made me cry."
"But, Shiori-chan, she'll kill me!"
"I always knew my grandson needs a firm, female hand."
Shiori jumped and slammed her face into the pipe with such force that the echo spread through the plumbing in the whole house. In order to preserve imperative of narration, thanks to her hurt head water gushed from the tap.
Rough, wrinkled hands drew the child out from under the sink and put her on the table.
"I'm sorry, daisy. I didn't want to scare you."
"Obaa-chan, what have you done?! Kushina-san is going to slaughter me!"
In the next crazy five minutes the small Uzumaki was introduced to Obito's grandmother, Uchiha Nobuko, whose main purpose in life was embarrassing her own grandson. She was Shior's kind of woman.
The girl rolled a green apple in her hands she got from the Uchiha boy as a bribe, eyeing it with caution.
"Is it poisoned or do you think you can buy my silence with one fruit? I'm not so easy, Obi-nii. Not to say, even Kushina-san isn't so stupid to miss this." She pointed at the purple bruise on her forehead of the size of the mentioned apple.
"Come on, Shi-chan." Begged the dark-haired chunin on the brink of panic. "Don't be like that."
"Look, we will take your hair a little to the front and everything's going to be alright. See?" Shiori regarded her reflection in handled by Nobuko-san kunai.
"You owe me a favor, Obi-nii. A really big one." She announced and bit the apple.
Since imperatives of narration had to feel cozy in their superiority, one tiny, shiny tooth has been stuck in the apple.
"Now, even Minato sensei won't help me… I'm doomed!"
"Who cares about your doom?! I'm toothless!"
Ω
"Shiori-chan?" The girl was unlike any child Minato knew. She invented her own kind of genius that the blond jonin with all his brilliance, and Kakashi – prodigy second to none - couldn't understand most of the time. Her madness was similar, that's why the man didn't even try to comprehend why Shiori looked like a mix between his two male students, just five sizes smaller.
"Don't ask, Mini-nii, please." Mumbled the child crossing the corridor. Obito's goggle and Hatake's mask covered nearly her whole face. She looked like a creep.
"Why do you look like a creep?" Asked Kushina with plate of apple-pie in her hands as if waiting for a right moment to add some witty comment.
Shiori hoped the Uchiha managed to escape far enough; who was she kidding? She wished Kushina would catch him and skin him alive with tea spoon. She took off the mask and lifted the goggles from her forehead.
The girl expected a meteor shower or maybe some earthquake, not handing the cake to Minato and following its gale of laughter. Kushina howled, slapping her hands up and down almost compulsorily, she couldn't even breathe. Fat tears rolled down her freshly pinked cheeks. It was several minutes before it subsided and Shiori loathed every second of it.
"Are you done?"
"No" true to her word, the redheaded woman started laughing again.
Shiori considered coloration of her cousin's pretty curls with the apple cake, but someone knocked at the door.
Ω
A few hours earlier, when the Snake Sannin saw Jiraiya's famous pupil at the door of his laboratory, he never thought he would be standing where he was now.
Orochimaru didn't like Minato but he also didn't dislike him per se. He had some respect for the younger man, especially looking at what kind of person he had grown to be, despite the questionable didactic skills of the toad summoner. Through the years of constantly being in Jiraiya's presence the blond demonstrated outstanding resistance to stupidity and perverted ways of life Jiraiya loved so. In other words: Minato wasn't an idiot.
It changed whenhe invited Orochimaru for dinner. Dinner in Namikaze's and Uzumaki's house, he would like to add, consisting homemade food prepared by no one other than Kushina, for which culinary marvels Jiraiya wrote memorials. The last time Orochimaru ate cooked mill was years ago, when he didn't have that irritating title and all troubles it implicated. Carefree years, when he wasn't necessary for functioning of the village and people didn't flee at his sight. Obviously, it mildly boosted his ego, but his time for experiments became very limited and cooperation with his peers were an even more horrendous task than before.
And of course there was the child.
After Tsunade did what none of her teammates had balls to do, and leave it all to hell, larger clusters of working neurons in one person were nearly nonexistent. Sarutobi sensei was constantly busy, meeting with his old pupils only to give them new orders. From the few people whose presence Orochimaru was able to tolerate without longing to commit a bloody murder, only Jiraiya was left, but now even the toad summoner was absent most of the time, since at least one of the Sannins had to always be at the battlefield - it was priceless for the morale. Everyone else was dead; expect the child the lame-excuse-of-a-teammate threw at him two days ago.
The child, standing now right in front of him, wasn't only highly intelligent and knowledgeable beyond what he could hope to find in any youngster in Konoha. He saw in those golden eyes the same yearning of knowledge he had, and saw years ago in another redheaded woman. The child had the same brilliant mind as her grandmother and Orochimaru would be doomed if he wouldn't shape it according to his own design. The young Uzumaki was also respectful, boarding on awestruck, concerning everything he had done. The girl worshipped him but in no way blindly. She understood him.
"Good evening, Minato-kun, Kushina-chan, Shi… where is the child?"
"What are you doing, shrimp? Orochimaru-sama is your guest too, dettabane!"
Regardless of Kushina's words the girl was hiding behind Minato, hanging from his back with a grip worth of Tsunade's super-strength.
"I'm sorry, Orochimaru-sama, I don't know what has possessed her." Minato was starting to sweat. He didn't invite to his home one of the most renowned shinobi in the world so he could see a zoo that was his new family. Actually, the smaller Uzumaki behaved like a rather stubborn koala.
"Child, stop," instructed Orochimaru. His voice was calm, precisely measuring each syllable. It was the kind of voice that didn't even blink.
Instantly the girl released her grip and was off Minato's back but she was far from acting normal. Shiori's face was covered with her hands and she openly refused to remove them. Kushina crouched down and whispered something into the child's ear.
"I'm five. I can act ridiculous; besides I don't act even half as ridiculous as I look." Her voice was slurred that it might as well emerge from the basement.
It was the last clue Orochimaru needed.
"All young ziphodont mammals have to lose deciduous teeth. It's natural, not ridiculous." He said leisurely.
Shiori studied the dark-haired man with piercing scrutiny, contemplating his point. The consideration had to end well since she showed them her toothless smile and bowed.
"Excuse me for causing the scene, Orochimaru-sama."
The man couldn't respond because another head full of red locks appeared right before his face.
"You actually talked her out of this? You talk her language!" To say Kushina was thrilled would be a huge understatement. "Orochimaru-sama, you don't know how glad I am you're here, dettabane! Sometimes I have no idea what to do with her. I will be grateful for any parental advice. Please come in!"
For some reason the words in Orochimaru's hindbrain changed a bit and sounded suspiciously like "the one to be devoured can enter." When the woman grabbed his hand and dragged him to the living room he realized that maybe he heard correctly. Wait? Had she just asked HIM for a parental advice?
Shi wrote by kanji 師 means expert and specialist
As always thanks to everyone who's reviewed/alerted/read, as well as to mrsmiawallace88.