Batman, the self-appointed king of the gods and all-round general nuisance, looked around at the assembled group of immortals in front of him. "Well, now that things have calmed down a bit, I think it's only fair we start delegating some responsibilities here on Mount Olympus, and beyond," he said. "I think you'll all agree, by virtue of me being the hero who rescued you all from the stomach of our father, that I'll be the head god here."
"You know, some of us were forming a plan to get out of Daddy's stomach before you showed up," spoke up the Joker, who was technically the first born and rightful heir to the throne of Olympus. "It's not our fault we ended up in there. We were babies when we were swallowed, and unlike you, Mommy didn't spirit us away to safety after making Daddy eat a rock instead."
"Which hurt when it landed in his stomach, by the way," spoke up Killer Croc. "It hit me on the head."
"That explains a lot, Croc," said Joker, nodding.
"Look, let's not bicker and argue about who could have saved who, or who Mommy's favorite clearly was," retorted Batman. "The point is, I'm the one who actually got you out, overthrew our father, and defeated the Justice Titans. So I'll be in charge from now on. It seems fair, doesn't it?"
"It would be fairer if we could vote on it," retorted Poison Ivy.
"Democracy is for mortals – we don't believe in that stupid system of governance up here," retorted Batman. "Mostly because everyone would just vote for themselves to be leader. Don't bother denying it, because you know it's true," he said, as everyone began loudly objecting. "You're all the worst bunch of egotists who've ever existed."
"Present company included," replied Joker, smiling at Batman.
"Yes, and since I'm such an egotist, I'm declaring myself king of the gods," retorted Batman. "If anyone objects to that, they'd better be able to take me in single combat. And I think you all saw how awesome I was at single combat against our father, with the lightning bolts and the bats and all. So does anyone want to challenge me? Anyone?" he asked, looking around.
"I'll do it…" said Joker, standing up.
"No objections, so motion passes," interrupted Batman, seizing the crown from the table and putting it on his head. "And as king of the gods, I'll be delegating jobs for the rest of you. Ivy, you've got the earth, plants, harvest, all that mother nature stuff."
"Works for me," said Ivy, shrugging.
"Croc, you'll be god of the seas," said Batman. "Since you seem so fond of water. And rocks."
"Ok," said Croc, nodding.
"And Joker, you get the Underworld," said Batman.
"The Underworld?" repeated Joker. "You mean that place where all the dead people go? You want me to rule over a bunch of dead people?"
"That's right," said Batman, nodding. "Any objections?"
"Yeah, a big one," retorted Joker. "Dead people aren't a good audience! They have absolutely no sense of humor! I mean, you know me, bro – I'm a happy guy! Why would you wanna surround me with all that darkness and gloom and death?"
"I'm hoping it will have a counteracting effect on your naturally over-the-top cheerfulness and annoying disposition," retorted Batman. "So that's all settled – you'd all better head off to your respective realms."
"And what will you be doing up here, little bro?" asked Joker.
"I'll be ruling over everything," replied Batman. "Overseeing it all from afar, up here on Mount Olympus, along with my queen Catwoman. I'm at the top of the managerial hierarchy, which means I can choose to involve myself in your realms if necessary, but I really don't think it will be necessary. You're all responsible adults, and you should be able to take care of your designated areas. And those of you who aren't responsible adults have been placed where you can't do any further damage," he added, smiling at Joker. "You can't screw up in the Underworld – they're all dead anyway."
"Oh, you think the joke's on me, huh?" demanded Joker. "Well, don't be so sure of that, little bro. I can still cause chaos from the Underworld, don't think I can't!"
"I'm sure you can," said Batman, smiling smugly. "But only on earth, which is the only realm which borders the Underworld. The gates leading to Olympus are locked at all times, so you won't be able to reach me," he added, nodding at the golden gates surrounding them. "And I think Ivy will object to you intruding too much on her realm – I suspect she'll have ways of keeping you out."
"Yes, I certainly will," agreed Ivy, glaring at Joker. "The roots of my plants go down to the Underworld, and I'll make sure they block you from leaving it."
"That's the spirit, Ivy – give him a little challenge and something to fight against, as futile as it is," agreed Batman. "You play your little pranks and have your fun down on earth, where I don't have to deal with it, all right, Joker? Great, everyone dismissed," he said, standing up and heading off with Catwoman on his arm.
"That jerk!" snapped Joker. "If he thinks he can break me by sticking me down in the Underworld, he's got another think coming! I'll show him! I'll make the Underworld the party capital of Greece, and he won't be invited!"
"That's great, J," sighed Ivy, standing up. "You go do that. Although frankly, those of us who were stuck in a stomach with you for decades are really sick of the sight of you, and are really grateful you're being sent somewhere where you can only annoy people who are already dead, rather than making us all wish we were. Now I have to go oversee the harvest – laters," she said, heading off.
"Good luck, J," said Croc, patting him on the back before following her. "You're going to need it."
"I'll show you sad sacks," muttered Joker. "I'll show you all! The Underworld won't wipe the smile off this face, just you wait and see!"
The years passed, and it was true that the smile wasn't wiped off the Joker's face as he ruled over the Underworld. But it got harder and harder to smile every day he was stuck down there, surrounded only by the dead, who couldn't see the funny side of things, even though death was the greatest joke ever played by the gods on humanity.
One day, Joker was surprised to receive a visitor from Olympus. This had literally never happened before, and he was even more surprised when he read the message the visitor brought. "Bats wants me to visit Olympus?" he asked, re-reading the message because he didn't believe it.
"He just wants an update from everyone – it's been a hundred years, after all, so he thought it was time for a check-up on how things are doing," replied the messenger.
"I'll say it is – who the hell even are you?" asked Joker.
"My name is Robin – I'm the messenger god," replied Robin. "I'm the son of Batman and Catwoman."
"Oh, so that's how you got the cushy job," said Joker, nodding. "Gotta love nepotism. It's nice of my little bro to tell me I'm an uncle now – he didn't even invite me to the baby shower."
"Many of the gods have reproduced," said Robin. "I'm just one of a number of offspring. And you can meet us all at this briefing, if you'll be attending."
"Sure, sounds like a laugh riot," replied Joker. "And I'll show everyone on Olympus how this whole Underworld job hasn't broken me. I'm still the same smiling, laughing, hilarious guy they all remember."
"Good for you," said Robin, with a patronizing smile. "We'll see you then," he said, flying away from the Underworld and back up to the surface as quickly as he could.
"Guess I'm an uncle multiple times over," muttered Joker, returning to his throne. "Thanks for the update, jerks," he added, kicking at some rocks. "I guess it's fine for them – they can meet people to have offspring with up on earth. It's a little harder for some of us to do that down here – everyone's dead and all."
He sighed heavily. "Well, I guess I'll meet people at this do," he said. "But if they're the offspring of the gods, they're probably all a bunch of self-satisfied, pompous, sanctimonious squares. I probably won't even want to know them."
He was about to be proven wrong.