Crystalline Entity - Alternate Record

by Cpt. Lynx

This is the story of how Darth Imperius, the Emperor of the Eternal Alliance, found himself on Terra. Burdened by the ghosts of his past, will he be able to fulfil his purpose and find happiness, or will the darkness consume him? As a fair warning, this contains dark and mature themes in much greater detail than the other version, so discretion is advised.

11. Day 10-1: Of visions and relationships

A/N.: Hello guys, it's been a hot minute.
I'd like to apologize for the long radio silence from me, but life happened. Both globally, and in my private life, a lot happened. I won't bore you with details, but there is one most important part, that also impacts this here story: My dear friend who was my co-author for this, decided to cut off contact for reasons that are their own. I won't lie, it took me a while to get over that. But I want to finish this story, even if they do not. This is the upgrade my of original project, after all. I won't abandon it, but it did take me a bit to get back into the groove. I still have some backlog of material to draw from, but as the backbone of this story won't get continued, I'll eventually have to write without their help. I'll do my best to not let it be obvious, even though I always considered them to be the better writer between the two of us. That said, I've grown more confident in myself and my abilities in the past year, so I'm certain I can carry on satisfactory.
Now, I don't want to keep you from the sweet stuff you came for. More of me at the end. Have fun reading.

Edit: I forgot to add something near the end. I was worrying about this while writing it with my friend, too, that we're leaving Ceru out too much. Can't have the small guy missing too much, though.

---

Snow.
The first thing I see is the blanket of white all around.
Then, I feel it. I feel there, feel the heavy coat wrapped around me, the pulse of my adaptations, and a thermal generator buried in one layer of this coat or another.
And I still feel the biting cold, cutting as deep as Hoth, if not deeper.
The air tastes... thick. Lethargic. Cold. There are traces of pre-space pollutants in the air, some only a few months old.
But all around me is frost, a vast, featureless expanse of ice and snow - permafrost that feels brand new.
I freeze - in both senses of the word - looking around and questioning why the heck I am here. Where even is here? What planet is this?
Why?
Why send me to such a still, cold world?
Wait... is it still? Oxygen is in the air, and I can feel life out in the blizzard, it's just thin... far thinner than Hoth. Why? Surely life would've found a way by now, but there's no green I can sense. And the smog that's still in the air tells me that there is intelligent life somewhere on this planet.
What is this place?

To find out, I travel - with my mind. Shielding my body against the cold, I reach out with my vision. But I find my sight is limited, and the Force only grants me so much comfort. Or does it? Everywhere on this world, the Force seems... slow. But a planet with life should be alive in the Force? How weird. How odd.
Then, there is no other choice but to travel myself. A sigh escapes my lips, the breath condensating immediately. So much for a quiet and restful night...
Well, no point grumbling about it, I guess. The Force does what it wants to do. And such a detailed vision will be important. I pick a direction towards the faint traces of life I can feel, aided by the particle trail of smog.

Grumbling under my breath at first, and quickly learning not to let too much warmth escape that way, I stalk the vast whiteness. I do not know how long I wander for. All senses of time fail me in this weird place. Has it been hours, days, or even more?
Yet eventually, I see something.
Through the blistering winds, there is a tower. Built of brick and mortar and wood and steel - a great project for a civilization not touched by the Force and still hundreds of years before hyperdrive. It is crooked, buried almost to its tip in ice.
Turning my gaze below, I see a city buried by snow.
Buildings ruined by gales, by cold, and machines halted in their tracks. Not to mention the bodies...
There must be millions down there, and while there are many who were killed by starvation or violence, there is one leading cause of death.
Cold.
And now it is locked in ice and snow so deep their tallest buildings only barely pierce it.

So life is gone. But what is the cause for this? What changed the climate so dramatically? And most importantly, why am I being shown this? The Force knows I could do without this biting cold. I shiver.

The winds blow northwards in response.

And so I follow, slightly cursing the existence of snow. I am a man of the desert, damnit! And snow is like sand, but worse.

Hours blur by, and eventually I can only conclude that time is dilating in the dream. For whatever reason, this vision requires me to walk for klicks upon klicks through a featureless frozen hell.
Every now and then, I notice some sign of the civilization that lived here. Blown out houses, broken down machines, all covered by snow to various depths.

Ah, screw it. I accelerate. If I have to walk great distances, I might as well sprint. Could get my muscles to warm up as well.
As the clashing wind blows against my face, I cross what seems to be a frozen bay, and see dozens of ships lying shattered at the bottom. The oceans are frozen solid...

An arctic cataclysm... why?

As I run, I probe the will of life on this world. I still feel that some things are alive, somewhere. Occasionally, the heartbeat of some hardy critter will flicker at the edge of my perception.
I clear hundreds of metres in one stride and the klicks of frozen wasteland fly by, until I eventually, finally, find the will of this world, huddled deep in the core to avoid being choked out.
It has abandoned life... but why? Is it... the sun? The trees I see sometimes indicate a temperate world existed where I stand not too many months ago...
But the sun in this system could never support such a planet. It is too dim... to cold...
Did something happen to the sun? I gaze at it, probing it.
I see the star, burning slow and dim. It is as though something has ripped out the fusion from its heart, and though it is trying, it has not yet reignited the full force of its fire. But that is not all. The upper layers of the planet's atmosphere are clouded with debris, flying about in the jetstreams. Soot from some massive volcanic event...
My eyes narrow. Something must be responsible for this. The answers most likely lie beyond this world.

Still, the wind guides me forth, so I continue running. And as I travel north, I find patches of green... sort of. Hardy nonvascular plants, the kind native to any arctic, dot the countryside in places sheltered from the extreme winds, breaking apart the monotony of this frozen counterpart of a desert. And sometimes, I spot one or two small mammalians nibbling at this meagre greenery. Life endures yet, though evolution will never be enough to save these creatures.
I pause for a moment to look at them, pity on my covered face, and analyse their genetic structure.
Without drastic changes, they cannot survive.
There is not enough green.
There is too much white.
The sun beats down through a compromised Ozone layer, while giving no heat worth thinking about.

I could fix the problems, but that is not why I am here, is it? I need to find answers. And so, my search for them continues.
Yet just as I am about to resume my trek, Nox pops into existence beside me, wearing the same kind of garb.
I see him frown, then I feel the temperature around me drop as Nox draws in energy. He hums.

I glance at him.
"Damnit, Nox. Use your own energy."

"Which I am doing. Do you think I would strip this place of what little energy is left?"

I blink, realising what is happening. This small amount of energy around us is the cap here. Nox bringing in his own pushes the little energy this world has left away.
"Nox, stop."

"Why?"

"It could hurt this world."

"This world is dead. We are not."

"But-"

"We are gods, Xerath. Our survival, even our comfort, is worth more than those few stragglers that somehow managed to survive this apocalypse."

"That's wrong, Nox. Every life is precious and needs to be protected. If we can help it by not disturbing the balance until we know more, then we won't. Even if we have to be uncomfortable."

Nox clenches his teeth and stops his channel.
"Grrr... fine! Have it your way. But if I freeze to death, I'm blaming you."

"Yeah yeah, whatever. Let's continue marching on and find out why I got whisked here. Can the Force actually leave me in one place for a week? I'm beginning to see pattern I don't like..."

And so, we run forth, following the guiding winds.

We make our way to the north, where there was already permafrost before this time. I see something in the distance. A plume of smoke. Somewhere in a cold deeper than any I've ever experienced, something is on fire.
Could be a volcano. But even that would be more preferable than this stinging cold. So we run in that direction.

We run through frozen mountains, dead forests, and past steel wrecks of a kind I have never seen. Oh, they are primitive... but one of these monsters would tower over a Sith Heavy Walker, and to move it would have to belch smoke like a portal to Makeb's core.
And some parts of them aren't destroyed - they're missing. Right where I would expect a complicated engine part, there is an empty space. And signs that the snow has been moved recently.
More survivors.

These behemoths of steel were clearly built with a winter like this one in mind. They are under-insulated... but that a society would build them at all without premeditation is unthinkable. At least one powerful group of people saw the apocalypse coming from far enough away to make some type of preparations for it.
But these are just vehicles. Where is their destination?

I trust in the Force and let my senses guide our path, running onward.
As we journey towards the smoke, the taste of smoke gets fresher. Pollution, borne of primitive fossil fuel generators.

I slow down. Maybe the cold isn't so bad, after all...?

But pollution of this kind... almost demands that there be people at its source. Well, that much is obvious. Yet does searching for them justify this awful smell and taste that invade my senses? But I do want to learn why I am here...
"Nox?"

Said man rolls his eyes and produces breathing masks for the two of us.
"I know what you wanted to say, and I'm not going alone. You'll have to endure this crap as much as I do. Would be easier if the blasted Force would just tell us what it wants though, instead of letting us run for hours through this blasted wasteland..."

We press onwards, and in a comparatively short time, we reach the edge of an icy crater a city resides in. The two of us look down into the city, which reminds me of the frozen one I passed on my way here. But where the other one was dead and frozen stiff, this one lets the sound of industry emerge - no amount of technological separation can hide the sound of metal pounding against metal, of things being heated and cooled. Plumes of smoke in many sizes rise from dozens of locations, from homes to mines to chemical plants to metalworks. From each of these places, I can feel warmth.
But none are so prominent as the structure at the heart of the city. Made in the same fashion as some of the massive vehicles I have seen here, it is a tower, burning away into the cold. Coal and oil flow in, and from it emerges heat and power. It stands tall and defiant, the solution to a problem with the world so deep that spacefaring civilizations would find it easier only because they can evacuate planets.
Yet this civilization has no such luxury, so here they remain, still wrestling with the world for more days together.

Nox nods down into the crater of the city.
"Life... always finds a way to endure. No matter how much suffering it brings..."

I place a hand on his shoulder.
"That's why we gods exist - to make it better."

One can almost hear the smile in Nox's voice.
"Hmph. Indeed. But still, the question remains... why are we here? What does the Force want from us?"

The wind still blows, urging us onwards. It licks by the field of the pumping machines that pull fuel from deep beneath the ground, past the expanse of steam-powered greenhouses, and into the courtyard around the great generator, where wooden benches stand.
With a synchronised shrug, we follow the wind of the Force. I followed the Will of the Force ever since I knew of it, no point in stopping now.

As we watch, the wind intensifies, the cold deepening, and sirens call throughout the city as more fuel is pumped into warming the world. We walk through the city. Not one of the nearly a thousand mammalians pay us any mind. I'm not sure if it is because we are invisible to them, or irrelevant.
But I also find it strange that the sapient species of this world might soon outnumber the rest of the animal population. Well, I suppose it would not be the strangest thing on this world. But if that happens... it will be even harder on the people here, with less sources of food.

As we walk through the city, I take a look at the citizen. Everyone there seems understandably depressed. Even though they have been through worse and believe in their ability to survive here... that doesn't much soothe their pain.
We walk by one, and though not by his clothing, but by his walk and mind Nox and I know he is the leader. He finished administering for today and is going out to put in several hours of work at a machine that digs into a wall. He works fourteen hours a day, just like many others.
Understandable. During such times... every moment matters.
I glance at Nox, who looks back in the same moment. The question if we should follow the leader is asked without words. The Force has led us to this city. But what now?

Without much more direction, we just wander around, taking in the utilitarian architecture of this place. Not a single resource is wasted, everything has some function or another.
And eventually, we wander into the centre of the city, where the heating tower stands. All manner of things power it - likely every source of energy this society knows how to wield. A team of people walk up to it, tools in hand, and get to work, replacing the parts of a segment that had been shut down.

"Not the most fun place, is it?"

As one, we turn to the voice that seemingly addressed them.

There is a woman sitting on a bench, staring at the smoke rising from the generator. A woman that looks like a human. She looks like any ordinary human woman, her features nonremarkable. And yet something is off about her... I can't quite get a read on her. It's as if her appearance shifts ever so slightly with each new angle I try to look at her. The only definitive feature I can truly make out is her long hair, the darkest shade of black I have ever seen. It almost seems to suck in the surrounding light, so dark is it, reminding me of an interstellar void.
"It has its interesting bits, the one-to-five strange wonders every species has some of before they ascend to the stars. But even if this place is centering, and necessary, it's... hardly fun."

As she talks, a large machine walks by, stepping daintily over the tops of buildings and kneeling down. Several engineers go up to service it.
It's autonomous. A fully mechanical droid, all the way down to the processor. It is dumb, but all that dumb is done by the interfacing of tiny, physical things, without any electricity.

Nox and I glance at the towering mechanical droid, before looking back to the woman. As my gaze returns to her, some light gets caught in her hair, and it almost seems to glow like a nebula. But it's gone as soon as I saw it, leaving me wondering if it really happened or if it was just a trick of the eye.
As I still process that, I speak a bit more slowly than usual.
"We can see that. They have built some impressive things, given their limited possibilities."

Nox crosses his arms.
"And yes, 'fun' certainly is not what we'd call this place."

"But where are my manners?"
Remembering myself, I make a small, respectful bow.
"I am Xerath Kallig, and this is my... brother, Nox. Though I have the feeling you already know that."

She nods.
"I do, little prince. I would know who you are regardless of who that was, with a few exceptions."

I tilt my head, the arced brow hidden behind my thick garb.
"'Little prince'? What do you mean? And would you mind telling us with whom we have the pleasure?"

"I do not have a name so much as people tell me what my name is. Every time someone first knows of me, I am given another. So I have many."
The mysterious woman replies cryptically.
"But all you need to know about me right now is that I am a mother."

I blink surprised.
"Oo...kay? Well, if you say so. You will have your reasons. And... at the very least, I can understand and relate to the sentiment of being given names."

"I'm sure you can. It's one of the more odd properties of godhood."

"Indeed. People sure seem to love giving titles to others. Anyways... am I correct to assume that you called us here?"

She nods again, her expression remaining enigmatic.
"Indeed you are. I'm sure by now you've guessed that you are in the same galaxy as your body."

Nox nods.
"The connection is too strong for greater distances."

I draw a hand to my chin.
"But this galaxy doesn't have interstellar people yet... so what happened to the star here?"

"An accident and an opportunity."

Nox ignores my muttering, it seems.
"Then we are in fact at another place, and not in a vision or a memory?"

"Indeed you are. This is only yesterday on this world."

"So we still are somewhat in the past? Interesting."

I speak again.
"You said an accident happened, that is also an opportunity. An opportunity for what, exactly?"

"To create a new people. What do the two of you know about the way psychology can shape the Force?"

I blink.
"Well, the beliefs of Force users can have a direct impact on how their powers manifest."

She nods along in agreement.
"Indeed. As you've seen on Terra, the public consciousness of a civilization is important as are the views of individuals."

"Though we do believe that it was the sword stuck in that planet that shaped the Force into the way the Terrans know."

"And that seed grew and blossomed into a view of the Force well beyond the scope of the Chainbreaker's changes."
She gestures towards the generator.
"This disaster is an opportunity to shape the minds and spirits of an entire people."

I tilt my head in confusion.
"What chainbreakers?"

Nox crosses his arms.
"This disaster is an opportunity to wipe out an entire planet."

"That is the purpose of this galaxy to the Force, little princes, is to try and create a new breed of civilizations, which use the Force in new ways."

Nox scowls.
"So this is a proving ground of suffering? Is our galaxy not enough?"

"You've talked to the Chainbreaker, and one of the minds it holds. And yes, many have died and will die here. But it is needed."

Now I cross my arms as well.
"Why? What would justify the suffering of so many worlds?"

She regards us with a grim expression... I think.
"Greater suffering should we fail."

Nox nods.
"I suppose you mean this 'calamity' we've seen talked about in visions?"

"I was once the patron goddess of the greatest civilization of Force users in the history of the universe. The night that came for us ground them to dust, and only me and my husband remained. And, of course, the Chainbreaker."

"The... 'unfortunate incident' the sword talked about..."

"If we are to endure when next the night arrives, we will need the finest civilizations that the Force can muster. And I intend for this to be among them."

"And you think almost wiping a planet clean of live will accomplish that?"

"Well, to start, the challenges of the cold have taken many cities like this. The incapable, who needed to lean on crippling ideas to maintain power, have been killed. What we have left are cities like this, where everyone depends on everyone. There is community, and faith in each other."

"Is there now? All we feel is depression and hopelessness."

"And these communities are approaching something. What my son calls 'the bottom of the night'."
She nods at Nox's interjection.
"That is where it begins."

Before Nox can speak up again, I beat him to it.
"What do you mean with the bottom of the night? The place where this night rests?"

"This planet has birthed a great storm, which shall sweep north and finally cleanse the world of all unprepared life. Liquid nitrogen will fall like rain, winds will howl without cease louder than the thoughts of any man or woman, and the cold will seize the hearts of every person. But in that despair, that unity in suffering that transcends all personal power and status, where all play their part and are known to play their part, something can happen."

The glower in Nox's eyes burns through the thick protective goggles.
"Yes. Extinction."

She... smiles.
"The brink of it, yes. When a city, a world, a people all burn as one to keep each other alive, and then despite everything the world does, the generator, the monument to the survival of everyone, when the city will not die... something can crystallize in the soul of an entire people. Something altogether different from any work of life I have yet partaken in."

Nox's eyes narrow. I don't need our connection to feel his seething hatred.
"You... You are the reason life is damned."

"I aim here to build a people stronger than any of its members. And with this... we have hope for survival. I just need time..."

His voice is dangerously calm.
"And how many souls will be damned in this time? Billions? Trillions? Even more yet?"

She sighs, similar to some disappointed mother I have seen in the streets of the occasional city.
"No cost is greater than the cost of inaction, Nox. Have you heard of the trolley problem?"

"Yes."

"I have flicked the switch. I intend to kill as many as are needed to save everyone else. At least when I kill, they live on in the Force. Against the Night, we have no such luxury."

"You said this Night ground the most powerful society of Force users into dust. We have felt how powerful they were in the visions. And if they have fallen as easily as you say, then what hope is there even?"

Her voice seems to echo around us, coming from multiple places at once. All of them are filled with grief.
"They were unready."
"They were infiltrated."
"They were poisoned."
"We will be ready this time. I just need time... There are thousands of years yet before we must face them."

"When you know what lead to their downfall, why not build another society like that, without their flaws?"

"You don't think I tried!?"
She is on the verge of tears. A mourning mother.
"Every step I took was a careful one, trying my hardest to build new peoples... but I can't just make the Chosen again. Sundering reality like that is unthinkable. I need... to work with this universe to survive the Night. I can't just break it whenever I like..."

I hold Nox back and speak in a soft tone. Something within me doesn't want to see this woman sad.
"I'm sorry... But... have you tried working with the people again?"

"I'm talking to my first mortals in centuries, Xerath. I believe it is time to intervene again. Soon."

Even if my expression is hidden by my garb, the empathy in my body language is obvious.
"I am aware there is a lot of what we don't know yet... but it seems like you treat all these people... all these civilisations like experiments. Are you sure that there is not another way... that doesn't include this magnitude of suffering?"

I try my best to let her feel... a certain warmth coming from me.
"If the Force has taught me one thing... then it's that there is always a way when you're willing to look."

She nods, seemingly a bit more composed now.
"Every people must be perfect. Every piece on the board in position. Even I cannot wish willpower into existence. It must be cultivated, tempered, and structured. I would know - my domain is the power of the Force."

I take a step closer.
"But bringing people to the verge of breaking is not effective. I should know. This... this is an experience I would wish for none."

"And when placed on the scale of an entire universe, you quickly learn that though the Force is vast, it is also painfully finite."

That makes me pause and both Nox and me blink.
"The Force... is finite?"

She nods slowly.
"There are limits to what it can do. To what I can do."

I take another step closer.
"But you are not alone."

"My son can channel no more anger or passion than there is in the universe, his sister no more goodwill, my husband no more balance, and myself no more willpower. This Force is as big as the people that make it."

That revelation gives Nox pause.
"Then... what would happen if there were no life left on this plane?"

She speaks with grave certainty.
"Eventually, we would die. Slowly, but surely."

"Hmm... Just you, or the Force as a whole?"

"All that would remain in the end would be what you yourself could sustain. And every shred of power that escapes you would never ever return. A return to the wielded Force of old, the one before my time. When the immaterium was dead."

"'Immaterium'? Do you speak about the Cosmic Force?"

She nods.
"Yes."

"I see."
Nox falls quiet, and I perk up, though not in a positive way. My earlier empathy and warmth is dampened by sadness.
"So, if I understand this correctly, you control the Cosmic Force?"

"I am one of four beings who are in stewardship over it."

"Your family. Then... then who of you were it that kept me out...?"
My voice begins to thicken with emotions, tears welling up in my eyes.

"We all did, Xerath. We need you out here, and if you entered our realm you would not return."

"So what I want is irrelevant in this matter, then? Have you not seen me suffer enough?"

Nox steps up to me and places a hand on my shoulder.

"How long do you intend to spend in the immaterium before she is ripped from you again, this time permanently, and by a force that will wipe her mind from the face of reality itself?"

"Oh no..."
Nox vanishes, returning his full focus on my mind.

I, meanwhile, have tears running down my cheeks, almost freezing dry. I'm chocking on the turmoil of emotions as I cry out in anger I haven't felt in a long time.
"I would spend all the time you took from us! And if the end would come, in the thousands of years you mentioned, then I could at least face it happily! Not like right now, where I face that very end myself... alone... without ever seeing her again..."

"Xerath."
She places her hands on my shoulders.
"You will see her again."

I can't help but frowns.
"When you finally allow me to lay to rest, or what? How much more often do I have to die until then?"

"And you won't have to see her ghost twisted into malice by the Night. And you won't need to die."

"Then what?! What are you getting at?!"
I am livid. But at the same time... also weak. I don't even have the strength to leave her grasp. Even more, I am shaking rather much. It is not because of the freezing cold.

"She will return to you soon."

This calms me considerably.
"She... she will? Then... then she is safe in the Force? Is she alright?"

The sadness and desperation make way for bubbling hope.
"When... when can I see her again?"

"In a few months."

"Why... why only then? Why not sooner? Why not now?"

"That is when she will be ready. Her ghost is very weak, capable of mustering the energy to watch over you only once in a while. This time, she has been preparing for years, and she wants to talk to you."

"I... see..."
The relief is obvious in my voice and demeanour. My legs are shaking as much as my voice.
"Can... can I help her somehow? Or could you?"

"Accelerating this process would be... delicate. If you wish to help her, I recommend waiting until she arrives. Empowering a Force ghost is not done lightly, and Tenebrae never learned anything about it - except for rituals used to empower his own. Speaking of: Tenebrae, the Force has now caught up with you. You can hide no longer."

I blink.
"Tenebrae is gone. I bound and absorbed him."

"Tenebrae is quite crafty as you're aware. I know his willpower when I see it."
She taps the side of my head and pulls out the ghost of a pureblooded Sith. He has certain similarities to Dramath.

"What is the meaning of-"
Tenebrae stops, looking at the plain-looking woman in front of him with an expression of shock, horror and disbelief.
"...you..."

I jump back a solid meter.
"You... you survived? How..."

"Yes, me. Unfortunately for you, you've played your part perfectly. Your power is his now, and your life belongs to the Force."

I feel Tenebrae pull on his power, but with a blink from this 'mother', he is cut off.

"None of that now, don't you know who I am?"

"No... no! Not like this, I'm not done!"

"Yes, you are."
With a flick of her hand, Tenebrae's ghost is sucked away into the sky.

"Nooo...!"

"I'll deal with you later. Now, Xerath. When Kory speaks to you, she will be weak, and she will need an anchor to keep her in the materium for longer than a few hours at most. That will take much out of you. Love was barely enough to let her stay together in the Force. Are you up to this task?"

I still am slightly taken aback that Tenebrae was still around, and that he was foiled so... easily.
"I... I always had a pull on the dead. Acting as an anchor for one ghost more should not make a great difference."

"Those ghosts were mostly whole on their own. You will need to give her energy - plenty of it. But she is all there - you just need to make sure she doesn't fade."

"I see. I have a lot to give, and she would be worth all of it."
I speak with conviction and newfound hope.
"Whatever it will take... I will never let her go again."

"I see. Then I think that you will be okay."
She steps back.
"Oh, you are being woken up. I should send you two back soon. Do you have any other questions, before then?"

"Are you sure... there is no other way? I mean, in regards to this Night thing? Do all those people have to suffer like this?"

"People seem to suffer regardless of what I do, Xerath. I've tried so many times..."
She sounds so... tired. Defeated, almost.
"I tried very hard to do better, but for now, we are... out of time. This is the last growth of new civilizations I can prepare before we must face our demons, and all I can do is stick to what I know. Before the Chainbreaker, I was a goddess of suffering and slaughter. It is still what I'm best at."

I take a step forward and now place my own hand on her shoulder.
"But... that's why I'm here, isn't it? I am Xerath of the End, destined to break the cycle of warfare. Maybe... all you need is a new perspective? I'm sure... that we can figure out a way."

I smile at her, radiating empathy and warmth.
"As I said earlier, you are not alone."

She smiles slightly.
"Indeed. My husband and I wrote that prophecy, after all."

"Exactly. And, even if there are a lot of things I would have liked to not have experienced... I can't really hate my life anymore. Not after you brought me to Terra, after I met Leanna and the others... not after I know that Kory will come back. So, finding a seemingly impossible solution to a seemingly impossible problem has always been my strong suite. I am somewhat confident in my ability to continue doing so."

She smiles, brighter now.
"Then I've still got it."

I blink.
"Got what?"

"That knack for soul-forging. Your belief in that makes you strong. Just like the belief in each other and in the power of technology I am instilling in this world's inhabitants will make them strong."

I shrug.
"Well, I mean, there's not really any other way, is there? You won't let me die, after all, so I am incapable of not succeeding. And yeah, about that belief in technology ... that quite clashes with the belief of me and my galaxy... makes me feel very unwelcome on Terra on a subconscious level."

"I am aware. I knew this would be a problem once I started harnessing other sides of the Force. Other views."

"But what does that mean... Like, when I get this right, you are basically the Will of the Force... along with your family? But the Will I am familiar with rejects Terra... but it is also made by your will? I... I'm confused, to be honest."

"It is confusing. But know that you are both right and wrong. The Force is shaped by the people that use it. Until I created other views, the Force knew no other views. But now, as their people developed, their will became part of the Force."

"Yes, you mentioned that before..."
I draw a hand to my chin.
"So how does this work now? Is... is their view of the Force better? Should I adopt that view? Because, quite frankly, I don't know if I could, even if I wanted to."

"Their view on the Force is different."

"Technology and the Force... they're not supposed to be the same, not supposed to work together. Or are they?"

She smiles enigmatically.
"What did you do last time you encountered two irreconcilable philosophies on the nature of the Force?"

"I... I found a middle-ground and forged my own..."

"Here's a tip, Xerath. Throughout the universe, there are dozens of views on the Force. And they are all partially true. Because it isn't accurate to say that the Force is. What the Force is, is belief. It is science, it is magic, it is holy and unholy. When someone believes something about the Force, that becomes reality in a tiny corner of the immaterium."

"So, the Force is reality... but it is the reality people believe it is?"

She laughs.
"The Force is not reality, though I appreciate the compliment."

I blink.
"It is not?"

Her voice dims, sounding solemn.
"We've been doing a decent job in the place of the previous rulers, but... I wish they were still here. If they were, breaking the Night would be that much easier. They always were better at it than us..."

I blink again.
"The previous rulers?"

"The Auriar. A few dozen deities rooted in the basic logic of reality. During our war, we shattered them, casting their fragments throughout the galaxy."
She sighs.
"I don't know where to find them anymore, unfortunately."

"Huh... May I ask... why you waged war against them?"

She gazes through me, recalling undoubtedly sorrowful memories.
"Because we were corrupted. At that time, the Force was infiltrated by the Night. A proxy in the war."

"Ah... So this Night used you to destroy their greatest enemy?"

She nods sadly.
"Indeed."

"I'm sorry..."
My brain works at the speed of the organic supercomputer that it is, trying to formulate a new plan.
"But... you said their fragments are cast throughout the galaxy. Which galaxy? And could we possibly find them?"

"Yours. And you could, but I do not know where you would want to look."

"I see... Would this... Chainbreaker... that is the sword in Terra, right? Would it happen to be a relic of these Auriar?"

She nods in confirmation.
"It is. It was made by their children, the Firstcomers, to prevent us from destroying ourselves by summoning the Night."

I blink.
"Uhm... what? Your enemies... have built something... to save you?"

"But I could not do that story justice in the time we have. You have been having dreams, yes?"

I nod slowly.
"Fair enough. And yes, I received some visions lately."

"They are the story of the Chainbreaker, ancestor of all Mandalorian Iron."

"Ooh... I see. Then I'll continue to await those visions. But it's story aside... what I meant to get at... do you think it could know where the shards of these Auriar are?"

"No, as I said."

"Well, you said you don't know where to look. Hence why I asked if that Chainbreaker could know it..."

"They might... but we cannot be sure."

I nod.
"It said the time of waking draws near... or something similar. If... if it isn't hostile... it wouldn't hurt to ask, would it?"

"No. I hardly think that the Chosen inside it would harbour you any ill will."

"The Chosen?"

"Yes. The remnants of the empire that fell..."
She has a wistful look in her eyes.
"If only I hadn't been so blind..."

I tilt my head.
"Right... but... huh? Why would a remnant of one of your people... be inside a sword built by your enemies?"

"As I said, I can hardly do the story justice."

Then, I shakes my head, and squeeze her shoulder.
"Regardless, from what I've heard so far, it wasn't your fault. You were blinded, deceived..."

I smile at her warmly.
"I... I may not know you well yet... but I think that you've always tried your best. And... I've been told that is all someone could demand from you."

She is impassive to that.
"Alright. Then go, Xerath. Your friends want you."

The planet fades away from underneath me.
"Wha-!"

"Have fun!"

The two of us wake up thirty minutes after we went to sleep, to the annoyed glares of everyone else. Kara speaks.
"I thought you might've grown some decency, Scarlet One. It seems I was mistaken."

I wake up, shaking like a leaf, my teeth clattering. I wrap my arms around myself.

Meanwhile, Nox's illusion manifests in the empty seat.
"What seems to be the problem?"

"You influenced our dreams."

He nods.
"I did. Though you act like that was a bad thing?"

"And you thought that was a good idea why, exactly?"

He glances down.
"You are... burdened. All of you have things that weight on your mind, disturbing your sleep, if it doesn't cause outright nightmares."

Then, he looks back up, gazing directly at Kara.
"Yesterday, you told me that it is the responsibility of the powerful to accommodate the weak. So I did. I... I wanted to grant you a good night's sleep, with pleasant dreams..."

He averts his eyes again.
"...after you were so accommodating of me yesterday... earlier... I just... I just wanted to help... I suppose..."

Meanwhile, I am still shivering like I'm freezing to death. The blasted cold still clings to me, and I don't have layers upon layers of thick garb with me.

"And mental manipulation was your way to do that?"

"... Yes?"

She sighs, pinching her nose in frustration.

Leanna looks very strangely at him.
"After everything you heard about Terran culture, after you saw me blow up at Xerath for coming near my emotions, after all that, you decided that this was a good idea?"

"...To be fair, I did not expect you to notice instantly. But... if you put it like this... well... ...maybe I should have figured you wouldn't like it..."

Glares.

He crosses his arms defiantly.
"But why are you even mad at me? I'm a god! You should be thanking me that I even bestowed such a boon upon you, and yet you act like I'm evil! Well, I kind of am, but not in this instance!"

"Who are you to decide what a boon is?"

"First, I. Am. A. God. That word seemingly lacks the punch in your culture that it should have, but whatever. Secondly, your minds are hurting, and I gave it a respite. That is, objectively, a boon."

"So by making us more worried, you are... helping our mental state? By doing something we recognize as enemy activity, you are being helpful?"

"Why are you even worried? So far, I have done nothing that has ever harmed you!"
His image stands up angrily.
"And yet, from the very beginning you were hostile to me for my very existence! Then I even try to do something good for a change and help you out, and you get mad at me again!"

Kara facepalms.
"Yes. Because you did something you should know by now not to do. Didn't we just have a conversation about how none of us wanted you to mess with our heads?"

He crosses his arms.
"You don't know what's good for you..."

"Oh I see. You don't really care about what we think. You just think we should like you."
She frowns.
"You don't want friends. You want worshippers. And we're not having it, okay?"

"If I wanted you to worship me, you would. Trust me."

"Would we now?"
She arcs a challenging brow.
"Or would we just be blanked out puppets, hollow shells going through the motions?"

He looks at her impassively, so angry that he appears calm.
"I am rather knowledgeable about minds and how to influence them. Would you like to see an example?"

"NO."

"Then trust me when I say, you would worship me if I wanted that. But I don't. I do not want to influence your thoughts."

"Then why did you?"

"I influenced your dreams. Those are two different things."

"They are not."
Kara crosses her arms.
"Dreams are caused by the mind. They exist in the mind."

"They are. Dreams are born from the subconsciousness, while thoughts come from the consciousness."

"But both are of the mind. One influences the other."

"And if you will, what I gave you were visions. Or magical hallucinations, how you call them."

"Ah yes, drugging us sounds much better."

He clicks his tongue in irritation.
"Tch."
Nox looks around the group with a simultaneously burning, and ice-cold gaze.

The gaze is returned from all around.

"Very well. I believe we are done here. You showed how much you care about Xerath by completely ignoring him as he is shaking in his seat, and how much you despise me. Further venture is no longer necessary."
Without waiting for their reactions, both he and I vanish in clouds of red particles.

Nox continues to keep track of what happens inside the cabin, and I feed upon that sense.

Kara shakes her head.
"Ugh, bastard. Xerath, are you okay?"

Looking over, she notices that I am gone as well.
"Oh. That can't be good."

Leanna stands up and looks around.
"Oh no..."

Leanna seems very unhappy. Nox, and thus I too, see a wave of concern and anger.

"It seems we must await their return. They will not be reached if they do not want to be."

Leanna swivels over at Amelia.
"But we have too! He was so afraid, and we didn't notice."

"And how do you intend to do that?"

crack
"I don't know, somehow! We just need to figure out where they went!"

"How will you do that?"

snap
"There has to be a way..."

Nox smirks to himself. Then, he turns to me.
"Hey. We're no longer on this damned frostball."

He heats the air around us up a bit for good measure.

"R-right..."
My shaking slowly eases.
"Right... we're back on Terra, aren't we? But..."

I glance around.
"...not in the train?"

I look up at Nox.
"Nooox... what happened?"

I noticed what was going on, but thought it was part of the dream. I was still freezing as well, so I thought...

Said red man scratches his cheek.
"An argument. The others did not appreciate my help. At all."

"What'd you do?"

"I granted them pleasant dreams."

"So you messed with their heads, after they told you not to do that?"

"You know as well as I that there are tons of people who would kill for such a boon."

"Yeah, that is true. But none of those are on Terra. Or, at least not here."

Nox looks down, a rare impression of hurt on his face.
"...I... I just wanted to help... and instead I made them hate me..."

"Oh, come on, they don't-"

"They do. I read their minds, remember?"

"Oh. Right..."

"This was the final nail. I don't think we'll be able to travel with them any longer."

I sigh deeply.
"Well, I'm sure they'd forgive you, if you apologize."

"I should apologise? But I didn't do anything wrong!"

"Well, in their eyes, you did."

"So, this is how it is? Should I apologise to them for existing next time, too? Xerath, it is obvious they do not want me around. That they despise my very being."

I look down as well, sad.
"I suppose that's true... that's why I didn't want them to know in the first place..."

"But now it happened. So, what do we do now?"

"Well, depends. How are the chances that you'll apologize?"

"About as high as the sun of that snowball restarting tomorrow."

I sigh.
"I figured... Well, then I suppose all we can do is to carry on, on our own. Just like we always did..."

"I'm... sorry, Xerath."

I arc a brow.
"So you do want to apologise now?"

"No, not to them. But I am sorry that it turned out this way. You deserve better."

I shrug.
"Kory will return to me. That is all that matters."

"But what about Leanna?"

My face turns into a grimace.
"It... it will hurt, but it's better like this. She deserves someone better, anyways. Someone who isn't one wrong word away from dying."

crack

"What was that?"

"Ah, probably the barrier around Leanna's powers. She's quite concerned."

I bite my lips.
"She is? Maybe we should go back? ...No. It's... it's better like this. Let's... let's stay the night here, and actually get some sleep, hopefully without interruption. All of these things have tired me..."

Nox looks on with a quite soft expression.
"Understandable."

I lie down, while Nox continues to closely watch the situation with our group. And so in a forest near Stonecrest, the god sleeps tonight.

Nothing bothers me. There are no more dreams tonight. Finally. Rest. And yet, I let my half-formed third string of thoughts run through Nox, keeping tabs on him.

He seems to observe the group and tend to my mind while I rest.

Leanna has disappeared. The room is now filled with worry. The window is open.

He searches for Leanna.

She is searching through the forest I am sleeping in, Ceru bouncing along beside her.
"Come on, we can find him. Big, ball of magic friend Xerath. Lead me to him, dread pirate Cerazu."

"Parr..."

He blinks. That was unexpected, and yet... it's so her. His illusion appears behind her.

She spins around immediately.
"Nox, where is he."

"Asleep."

"Where."

"Irrelevant."

She turns away.
"Come on Ceru, we'll find him."

"So you will ignore both me, and his wish?"

That makes her pause, and she slowly turns back again.
"His wish? What wish?"

"Don't you think he would have returned to you if he wanted to?"

"If he didn't think we would welcome him, no. Which is why I'm out here in this stupid forest at night trying to find him."

"And once you find him, then what?"

"Probably? He's asleep by now, and the answer is snuggling."

"And that just when he's trying to distance himself from you again..."

"And why is that?"
She steps closer to Nox's illusion.
"Why is he not in the car anymore? Because I don't believe that our argument and this are disconnected for a second."

"Some things have changed in the last half an hour. Our argument only was the last nail. You see, while we were asleep, Xerath and I got dragged to some frozen hellhole of a world in this galaxy, were made to run through half a country worth of snow, where we found a large, primitive city and a goddess of the Force. We... learned quite some interesting news. And when you woken us up, he was shaking because of the lingering cold. Not that you guys even cared about him."
His glare burns hotly.
"No, you were fixated in your hatred for me."

"No, we were dealing with you, the person who had invaded our minds."
She scowls.
"Don't you dare pin this on us. If you had respected our boundaries, none of us would even be awake right now."

"For once in my life I tried to help others, and this is the thanks I get. I wasn't even doing much, and yet you react like I would try to control you or something. But if anything, I have to thank you. You proved that there really is no use to help others."

"Well maybe the first time you try something you aren't necessarily good at it yet?"

"I am perfect."

"Define perfection."

"Flawless. Without mistake."

"Alright, what is a mistake?"

He scoffs.
"A mistake is when someone does something wrong, obviously."

"Then if anything is objectively a mistake, objectively a flaw in the universe, it is you. You, who are a blemish, a hole in the Force itself, something that should not be. But I think there is more to this than that. Perfection means different things to different people, and to different situations. Consider a piece of metal. What would be a perfect piece of metal?"

He narrowed his eyes, ready to act upon her first words, but her following sentences make him relax again.
"It depends on the task the metal has to fulfil, but generally speaking, a metal without impurities."

"What impurities? Can only metal made from a single type of ore be perfect? What about alloys, or metals designed to be impure to serve some decorate function? If you can choose one of these options, why are some tasks more important when deciding what is and isn't perfect?"

"I mean impurities in the sense of sands, dirt, or other particles that do not belong in a metal."

"And yet sand at such high temperatures is converted into glass. And dirt can be used as an anchor for Earth magic."

"Yes, and do you want a grain of glass in your sword?"

"No, but I might want one on the surface of a mantle piece."

"Of course, it depends on the application, as I said, but generally, impurities are particles that you do not want in a given metal. If you actually want to weave earth or glass into some decorative metal or whatever, then it ceases to be an impurity."

"Then we return to the question of what impurities are - there is no list of things that you would never have in a metal. It's subjective. It depends on what you want the metal to do."

"That is exactly what I said, yes."
He rolls his eyes.
"Congratulations for understanding that."

"And I think that applies to people too."

"To people perhaps, yes."

"Being perfect involves doing the exactly correct thing every time, right? But also it doesn't. Because a person who is perfect every time is consistent down to the smallest detail. And that is predictable, and enemies could take advantage of that. But also it does, because that would be accounted for. But if you are perfect, you should have no enemies - or would that be all of them? Would perfection be about everyone loving you or everyone being jealous of how perfect you are? But if you are perfect wouldn't that mean you are all powerful, capable of anything at the flick of the wrist - or is that powerless, because maintaining your perfection means you can only ever choose the most perfect possible action? Even if you didn't want to? Does being a perfect, flawless piece of metal that performs exactly to specifications every time make your life inherently worth living? Or does that even matter to a person who has already dismissed all these arguments as being too small to understand the nature of your being?"

He looks at her, thoroughly unimpressed and impassive.
"Are you about done?"

"Mostly. Point is, I think the very concept of perfection makes no sense. It's subjective, and telling other people that you are perfect only says that you think you are perfect, which reveals something else about your character to them. Because like a piece of metal, being the best possible thing at one thing precludes being the best at other things. In just the same way that a metal cannot be both light and heavy."

"That is, in fact, what I mean. I am perfect to myself. There is nothing I see as a flaw. From my point of view, there is nothing I would change, no mistake I make. And, quite frankly, that is the only view that matters."

"I see. I won't insult your intelligence by verbalizing the thing you already know I just thought. But regardless of that, why do you think you are perfect?"

"Because, well, I'm a god. I'm divine. I see the flaws of our world... and know that I am not one of them."

"And what makes a god perfect? If your sight were not perfect, for example, wouldn't that mean you wouldn't see your imperfections? Defining your way into perfection doesn't work, Nox."

"On the contrary, it works perfectly. Heh."

"Was that a joke?"
Even as filled with conflicting emotions as she is, she can't keep the slightest hint of a smirk from her face.
"If so, it kind of worked."

He shrugs, but has an ever so slight smile on his lips.

"Have you ever heard of the ontological argument, Nox? It's used primarily by a small Esarian cult. It's my only exposure to the idea of perfect beings before you, and it is... dumb."

"Your world has a tendency towards that, but go on."

"Basically, it goes like this:
The one true god is defined as a perfect being.
It is possible that the one true god exists.
If it is possible that the one true god exists, then the one true god exists in some possible universe.
You following so far?"

He rolls his eyes.
"Yes."

"So, since the one true god is perfect as we agreed earlier, if he exists in one possible universe he exists in all of them. Therefore, the one true god exists in our universe."

"That's a logic leap right there. But I think you're not done."

"Nope. That's done. According to the followers of this religion, this is a complete argument that proves their god must exist by necessity - because otherwise the universe just wouldn't be logically consistent."

"Huh. Well, the last one is where it gets stupid, but okay. I wouldn't call them wrong, because I exist."

"And do you exist in an unchanging, perfect form in every possible universe and time period, such that existence itself cannot be divorced from yourself?"
She speaks with an annoyed voice, asking a rhetoric question.
"Is the answer to every question eventually 'Nox'?"

"No. Which is why I said their last part is stupid."
He shrugs.
"Though it may eventually be."

"And I consider arguments like this to be evidence of the contradictory nature of perfection. The mistake isn't in believing the last term follows naturally from the first, the mistake is that perfection means anything at all, logically."

"That's good for you."

Leanna seems to just about be done with Nox's dismissive nature.
"And what I think right now is that I could be looking for Xerath right now to provide him comfort, but someone who claims to care about him doesn't want me to. And he wants me to apologize to him for hurting his feelings after I decided that something he did was a violation of the boundaries I had set. I would probably make an initial outward pleasure response if you groped me, Nox. Does that mean rape is okay if you're doing it because you want the other person to feel good?"

"Now let's get something straight. Xerath is about to move on from you, so yes, I don't want you to sneak up to him while he sleeps. Second, I don't want nor care about an apology. You simply have made it obvious that we do not function in a group dynamic. And as for the last one, I believe I told you yesterday that strength is the only universal truth, yes?"

"You believe that, yes."

"I do not believe, Leanna. I know."

She shakes her head.
"No one ever knows, and no one will. You can be sure, but you will never know."

"You believe that, yes. But your mortal views do not apply to me, Leanna."

She chuckles.
"How does perceived power let you escape philosophy? No test that can be performed can determine whether or not reality is just a dream you are having. The only thing you can be sure of is that you exist. Everything else is just data. Having more data doesn't solve this problem."

"And yet, if you speak of data, then I am the admin. Reality may not be a dream, but it is whatever I will it to be."

"If reality is a lucid dream for you, isn't that a point against you?"

He cocks a brow.
"No? It just proves that I am a god."

"The more in control you are, the more likely it is that reality is just you. You didn't take control. The world was already yours."

"Now you understand. The world is mine."

"But only if the person having the dream is you. As far as I'm concerned, you might be in that position. You might be certain you exist, but I can never be."

"You talk with me, do you not? Is that not proof of my existence?"

"No."

"Then what would be such proof for you?"

"It is proof that I am receiving information about a person named Nox. That information exists. But I cannot determine the source. Every method you can use to prove that information to be valid is also information, and also subject to these rules of cognition. Who's to say that the Force as you imagine it is nothing more than a dream? That all your power in it is illusory, and any information you can glean from it cannot be trusted? You might just be a mind floating in a void beyond your comprehension, or in a science experiment where someone is trying to determine what a person does when given your kind of power? And try as you might, you can never escape. I can imagine beings of unlimited power as well, but no matter how much power I deign to give them, they can never escape the confines of my mind."

He sneers.
"Following that line of thought, who's to say the same doesn't go for you? These same thoughts apply to you. Except that you really are a science experiment. Your entire artificial world is. And yet you think you know things, when you do not even begin to understand."

"I agree. It could indeed be the same for me. I do not claim to know things, other than that I know that a person named Leanna Dawn exists, and that you have no reason to believe that she does."

"And one more thing: I can escape. I simply choose not to, because Xerath needs me. He is more important to me than my freedom to walk this mortal realm."

"Escape to where? Because when an all-powerful being escapes inside a dream, they only end up in another level of the same dream."

"Anywhere I please. This galaxy, another one, another dimension, another universe, it matters not."

"And if all of that is the same fiction?"

"Fiction? Pfft. Hardly."

"I'd imagine that characters in a story would also be indignant and unable to see the flaws in their reality when confronted with them. After all, those flaws could simply be written out of their minds. Or maybe you could wake up? Then what would happen to all the power that existed only in the dream?"

"Then what if I perceive you to be a flaw? Do you want me to write you out? Do you want me to test your hypothesis?"

"Is that a threat, Nox?"

"My patience is running thin, Leanna."

"As is mine. I didn't want to be held up like this - someone running away is never a good sign for their mental health."

"Yes, Xerath's mental health is critical. But being around you people made it even worse. He is now ready to move on, and yet you want to run to him again?"

She suddenly shouts, startling a flock of birds into flight.
"He's not ready to move on, you're forcing him to!"

In response, Nox raises his voice as well.
"Am I, though? What do you even know about our bond?! I am not forcing him to anything."

"That you are the embodiment of all the rage at the abuse he has suffered, the part of him that internalized it all. You are the part of him that wanted to lash out, to rage against the world. Revenge, however, can only save people who will never heal. You have held him together. I thank you for that. But isolation and anger is and always will be a stopgap, and not the real solution. He needs connection, even if it hurts him now, it is the only way he can heal."

"False. If it hurts him now, he will end."
He glances away.
"It is safer to cut ties while they're young like this and move on."

"And what about Kory?"

"She will return shortly."

"Won't her return trigger the same problems you want to avoid with us?"

"No. Because unlike you guys, she accepts him how he is. There has been not one instance where she has hurt him through her own words or actions."

"Or did she die well before Xerath was this delicate?"

"Well, that too... Regardless, she is the only one he needs, aside from me. She was always his goal, as I'm sure you know."

"His goal was finding a quiet life on a fringe planet without any sand and with Kory. Or with me, or something else depending on the time period. If you don't let him make connections, he'll never be stable enough to have that. I guarantee that Kory will destabilize his apathy just as I have. As has the potential of a happy, unstressful life."

"Oh yes, that she will. But unlike you, she won't hurt him."

"What makes you sure? Those 'perfect' powers of yours?"

"Precedent. In the short amount of time you know him, you already have hurt him often. In all the years Kory and Xerath knew each other, she hasn't hurt him once. At least not through her own actions."

"Again, there are more things that were different between those times."

"Yes, that may be true. But do you know what is not different? Your mentalities."

"Exactly."

"Do you have any idea how incompatible Xerath and I are to Terra? Our entire mindset, even our existence, goes completely against every ideal and idea you have. Do you know how wearing that was- is on Xerath?"

"So again - your plan is to insulate him from anything that might move him away from his presently unstable state?"

"Exactly."

"To leave him in the ditch that needs only a kick to send him rolling down the hill?"

"Yes. For there is no other way."

"No other way you can see."

"Exactly. And I can see all."

"Unless you have mathematical proof that you've seen them all, you have no way of knowing that."

"Do you want me to project my calculations? I constantly calculate the future, considering every possible variable. There are no options."

"Every variable you can see."

"Well, there is the possibility of your powers being able to mend his broken mind, if you manage to awaken them. But the chances are that you will end him before that happens, and that risk is something I am not willing to take."

"Fine."
She sighs.
"I'm done here. I'm going to go find him."

She starts walking away.

"If you want to die, then go this way."
He points in the direction where I rest.

"Sounds fun. Ceru?"
The pango nods in that direction.
"You want to kill me? Sure. I'm sure Xerath would love to hear what you did."

"No, not me. He will."

She starts walking.
"Really? He wants to kill me?"

"He doesn't want to, of course. But he will if you walk up to him now."

"Why?"

"Instinctive reaction. He has slept so often in hostile wildernesses that it became an instinct to attack anything that disturbs his sleep."

As I can only track this conversation with but a fraction of my attention, I have to begrudgingly admit he's right. My instinctive reaction to being startled awake in the wilderness is a lethal attack.

"Alright. If those are the odds I must face."
She keeps walking.

"So you do want to end him, after all, huh?"

"I want to help him. You said that my powers might help? What other chance will I have to awaken them?"
She looks back at him.
"If history is any indication, the pressure upon him will continue to mount. I choose to try and save him now."

"And what exactly are you trying to accomplish? You walk up to him to die. How do you think he would react to that?"

Nox, and by proxy I, notices that the Force seems to be with her.
"Eventually, the kick will come, and your method will no longer be enough. And I feel that this is something that your vision cannot predict."

"Perhaps. But now is not the time."

"There will never be another time."

"Because what would happen now is that you walk up to him, die by his hand, he revives you, but will be consumed by the guilt. Is that what you want? Is that your goal?"

"Or something else."

"No. My calculations are certain for this."

"I believe that I can help him, right now, and that there is no better time."
She keeps walking.

"And I know you can't."

"Then we will have to see which of us is right."

His illusion reappears in front of her.
"That is a risk I cannot take. Your action now will end Xerath. I cannot let that happen. Approach him when he is awake if you must. But not now, not when he is asleep and exhausted."

"Fine. I will be there when he wakes up."
She continues walking.
"What would be the minimum safe distance?"

"Outside of his immediate perception. A hundred meters to not trigger a response, and a few hundred more to make sure he is not disturbed."

"I see."
She picks a tree and leans against it, right at the edge of my perception.

He nods.
"That should do it."

She sits, and starts performing breathing exercises.

"I sure hope you know what you're doing..."
Contrary to his confrontational behaviour before, he seems... almost forlorn now.

"I believe I do. I have to. We have to save him, and your way... won't work. He needs people."

"My way won't heal him, that is correct. But it will preserve him. Something that is not certain with your way."

"But in order to preserve, he must be healed."

He balls his fists.
"We only have one shot at this, Leanna. If his mind is damaged too much more... he will be gone. No amount of power would be able to bring him back."

She seems sad, but is unyielding.
"I know."

"That is the largest risk we have. If your way doesn't work, we can't say 'well, we tried, let's do something else'. He will be gone. Not even dead, completely gone. Vanished without a trace. And with you, and especially the others, the chances of that happening are way too high for my liking."

"Maybe they are, but the chances of him dying without connection are close to one hundred percent."

"False. Simply because that by detaching himself from his emotions, the pushes he receives do not phase him nearly as much. But from being so emotional like you want him to be? Kara's comment about him possibly endorsing slavery almost was enough to make him crumble already."

"Which supports my point. His balance right now is delicate, and putting supports underneath his rickety shelf will only go so far."

"It will go farther than whatever you are trying to do."

"Not when he will necessarily face things more stressful than anything a man can bear without a clean conscience."

"His conscience only troubles him since he met you in the first place."

"No, it always troubled him. He just buried it so far down he never knew how much it was eating away at him."

He rolls his eyes.
"Oh, of course, you know the man you know since a week better than I, who is a part of him."

"The sanctuary of stoicism is an illusion, Nox. Denying your emotions will only stoke them into more destructive forms. And this is the weight of psychology talking, not me."

"Which you know so much of, that you despise and reject shadow magic - your aspect of the Force that deals with this very topic."

"We don't need Shadow magic to learn indirectly. Science is the art of finding truths that aren't obvious."

"Hmph. That it is. But also, isn't."

"Besides. I have a feeling that if he doesn't get help for these problems, he won't be at his best."

"That may be true... but again, they only became problems after meeting you."
He looks away and sighs.
"I feel like this argument is pointless. We can't convince each other of the other's point. Let's end it here. You need sleep, after all. And the decision ultimately lies with Xerath, anyways."

"And as I said, your solution will be insufficient for troubles ahead."

He looks back at her, almost sad and dejected.
"What I have is not a solution... not a healing... because there is none. In our view of the Force, we embrace the mental parts of it as well. There are powerful abilities and rituals to mend a mind. But none are enough to help Xerath. I would like to believe that you can help him... but it is not certain. I will rather fall back to a method we know that keeps him at least stable, rather than risking his existence for a method that we don't even know exists."

She closes her eyes.
"I have to try."

She starts breathing, slowly, in and out.

"Good night, Leanna. I will notify the others of your status."
He phases away.
"Rest well."

Then, his illusion appears in the train cabin.

Everyone spins in the direction of the bad vibes manifesting in the cabin.

He nods at them, face and voice impassive.
"Leanna found Xerath and will talk with him tomorrow. Both are safe. You need not worry."

Kara seems as miffed as she was earlier.
"Really? Because I remember that the last time you promised us something, you lied."

"Where did I lie? And if you don't believe me, do you wish to see them?"

"You told us you would stay out of our minds as best you can, that you would 'try your best'."
She spits the last part out accusingly. Then, she sighs.
"I hope we can see them tomorrow."

"Leanna, most likely. But Xerath? That will be his decision. As for that other part... You are upset that I disregarded your boundaries. I understand that."
He looks down.
"That... was not my intention. I... I really only wanted to help."

She turns her face away.
"Just... leave us alone for now, okay?"

He nods.
"Very well. Good night."

And he disappears again, but still keeps some attention on them and their actions afterwards.

Kara sighs and rests her head in her hands.
"Right when I thought you might have a decent human underneath..."

Nox mutters to himself.
"But I am not human..."

He gets the feeling that she didn't mean biology, or a specific species. She'd use this expression for many xenospecies as well, if given the opportunity.
He is aware of this fact, and yet his statement stands. He is not human - he is a god.
And yet godhood doesn't seem to impress or enthuse any of them. Kara specifically seems to be irritated at character traits she has memories of mortals exhibiting.
They just lack the true meaning of the word, he thinks. If the elementals are their closest thing to gods, then it's no wonder they don't take that word seriously. But she... she is an understanding person, right? Surely she will understand his point of view if explained calmly?

Perhaps.

And so, in this night, where Leanna and I sleep in a forest, separated, and the other three now hopefully less worried, Nox spends the time to cater to my mind, but also think about the events of the day, with me being a silent observer.
In all his calculations, he considered his own view as a constant... true and unchangeable. But what if it is really just another variable? What if... what if he had actually been in the wrong? Yet that is impossible, isn't it?
However, the fact remains that the group was not pleased with his effort to help them. Far from it. They hate him now. They have given him another chance and he had upset them again.
So what? They are against his very existence, projecting their virtues upon him, not bothering to understand the vastness and greatness of his being.
And yet... why does he feel so unsatisfied? There is... much to ponder in this night.

So now, there is a time for rest. Except for Nox. He remains vigilant and pondering, as well as caring for my mind. This time, however, he doesn't try to influence the others dreams.

Leanna doesn't sleep the whole night, her focus honed to a razor's edge.

When Nox notices, he appears before her again.
"What keeps you up, Leanna?"

"I'm waiting. Can't sleep."

"I see. And I suppose you don't want help with that, do you?"

"No."

He sighs.
"But you need the rest. Xerath would worry tomorrow morning, when he notices you haven't slept well. Well, he will worry even more."

"I will not be tired."

He arcs a brow.
"Are you sure? Are you sure that's not something the both of us could tell?"

"Yes. You could tell I stayed up all night worrying about him."

He looks at her... almost softly.
"Xerath will not go anywhere. You both are safe. And when he wakes up, he will wait for you, if you are asleep. And if not, I will make him wait. But you do need the rest."

"That is all true. But I feel that my time is better spent like this."
She takes another breath, magic rising and falling, Ceru nuzzling into her to both cheer her up and feed on the magic.

He nods.
"Very well. If this is your decision, I won't force you to sleep. Just know that Xerath will worry about you."

"He will. But he will also get to see that I was worrying about him."

"That he already will by the fact you jumped out of a train to track him down. There is no need for you further beat yourself up."

Another breath.
"Perhaps if I could."

He arcs a brow.
"Could what?"

"Sleep."

"My offer to help stands. If... if you want it."

She smiles ever so slightly.
"I slightly appreciate the offer, but no."

He nods.
"Alright. Suit yourself."

He then looks down.
"And I suppose you don't want company, either, huh?"

"Not really."

"Figured. Especially not mine..."
He raises his head to look into the distance.
"Still, just close your eyes and try to get some rest, even if you don't fall asleep. Perhaps also try to think about other things you don't worry about, to help you relax."

"Been trying."

"Well, I won't bother you any longer, then. There is nothing you want me to do, after all. Good night."

"Good night."

He vanishes again, left to his own thoughts running in circles. And yet, he still watches over us, especially Leanna. He doesn't do anything direct, but he ensures that she is undisturbed by wildlife.

Knowing nothing more will happen, this half-thought of mine retires as well, having been run to exhaustion. But on the upside, I think the exercise strengthened it.

Eventually, the sun rises. I begin to wake up as light assaults my eyes.

I stretch and begin to slowly sit up with a yawn. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and notice Leanna, slumped against a tree. I rub my eyes again, and sure enough, she's still there.

She raises her head, and when her eyes meet mine, she smiles at me.
"Good morning."

I stand up and walk over to her.
"Leanna?"

Another yawn.
"What... what are you doing here? Shouldn't you be in a train? Oh, and good morning to you, too."

She picks herself up.
"I jumped out to look for you, of course."

"'Of course', you say..."
I look her over worriedly.
"Have you hurt yourself by that stunt? Are you alright? You look a bit paler. Have you slept enough?"

"I stayed up all night."

"What? Why?"

"It's something I've done before. I couldn't sleep, so I waited."

Nox's disembodied voice calls out.
"She didn't want to."

"Is that true?"
The memories of my not fully formed train of thought come back to me.
"Yes... Nox offered help with that, but you refused? Why? It's... it's not good to stay up too long unaided."

"I... don't really trust him at the moment."

"Ah. I suppose that is natural... But why? He wouldn't do anything that harms you. He knows how much I care for you."

"There are more ways to harm. I trust only you with my mind."
Her tired, blue eyes glitter softly at me.

I smile softly.
"Thank you for your trust, then."

My face then goes back to worry.
"But still, that you didn't sleep is not good... I just told that to Amelia recently..."

She pulls me into a hug.
"When you disappeared, I was so worried..."

I freeze, not quite returning the hug, but not rejecting her either.
"... but why? Why would you jump out of a moving train to follow me in the dead of night? What would you have done if we moved further away?"

"Because I care about you, Xerath. I was afraid the same kind of thing that happened in Raven Pass was happening again."

"Well, in a way, I suppose it does."
As much as a large part of me protests, I step out of her warm and welcoming embrace.
"We are not compatible, I'm afraid. Your views, your virtues... many of them run counter to what I believe in, to what Nox believes in. But the worst thing is, that you guys, but especially Kara, project your values onto us, and then are upset when we do not share them. I mean, I told you about my childhood. Do you have any idea just how much it hurt to have Kara insinuate that I'd condone slavery?"

"But it's not projection. We explained the boundaries, and Nox stepped over them again."
She nods.
"I do. She wanted you to understand how she felt when you suggested that she got where she did because she was just inherently better at what she did than other people. It sucks... but I don't need you to change your mind about these things, Xerath. None of us do. We just want you to respect that we have our own opinions."

"Not just Nox, the same happened to me, too. And how Kara argued was completely past my point."
I shake my head.
"If we argue like that in the frequency we have so far, I won't even make it to the point where Kory will return. And is it my fault when your opinions go against my and Nox's observations of reality? Is that a reason to attack us?"

"Do you think that friends don't argue?"

"I think that friends don't insinuate that someone is okay with slavery!"

"Perhaps not. But that was a very heated point."

I shake my head again.
"Exactly. Unnecessarily so. And in the end, it hurt me massively. I... I can't keep on taking such hits."

"Then I'll try to help."
Her voice is resolute.

I can only utter a single word in response.
"How?"

"However I can."
She gazes deeply into my eyes, tired, but dead serious.

But what can she do?
"By continuing giving me your pity? I'm not some cripple that needs your help as a crutch. I'm a man that'd need your love, but I know you're not ready to give that."

She blinks.
"You say that like being a cripple is a bad thing."

Tears dwell up in my eyes. I can't stand her looking at me like this right now.
"I was doing okay before I met you all, and in my desire to be close to you, I only get hurt. I can't keep on going like this, Leanna. And yes, being a cripple is a bad thing when you're supposed to be a perfect being. I am god and emperor. I have no time to be a cripple. There are so many threats out there, and only I am capable of facing them. I am destined for that. It is my life's purpose. And if I need to cut you off for that, then I reluctantly will."

"You... you can't keep going on the other way either!"
Now she is crying.
"If you keep hating yourself inside, you'll... you'll die. You'll never be happy again... For the stability you seek... you would need to rip everything out. Expunge it all."
A sob rocks her, interrupting her. Yet she continues undeterred.
"No love, not even for me or Kory. And I WON'T LET THAT HAPPEN TO YOU!"

Her cracking voice and hoarse shout takes me aback, but I need to stay resolute. No matter how much it hurts, this is for her as well, even if she cannot see it right now.
"Being together with Kory was always everything I ever wanted. This wish will be finally fulfilled. I will see her again, and have another chance to be happy with her. As long as she is there... I can endure whatever I will have to face."

Her head droops, tears flowing freely, as her voice is choking on emotions. She sounds... defeated.
"...was I not good enough, then...?"

My face twists in sorrow. This is so painful. I hate to see her like this, knowing I'm the cause of it.
"You are! You are... you are just like her, just like Kory... beautiful and pure, caring and kind, nourishing and fun... you are perfect. That is why I fell in love with you from the moment we met. Why there can be no one else but you two. And that is also why I have to let you go. Kory will return... I was told that her love for me kept her ego together in the Force... we will be together... how can I fit you in there, now? You deserve so much more, Leanna..."

Fight returns to her eyes, anger falling upon her beautiful, yet tearstained face.
"You know what? I am tired of you deciding whether or not I deserve you."

I blink.
"No, I... I just... I just think you could do so much better than me..."

She steps up right before me, closing the distance I created just a moment ago.
"Could I? Could I do better than someone who loves me?"

"There are countless people who do... And if your only criteria to love them as well is, how much time you spend with them, then I'm nothing special."

"Well I've spent some time with you."
She cups my cheeks.
"And so far, I like what I see."

She blushes slightly, then leans in.

"L-Leanna?"
I blush as well, but don't move, frozen.

Closer, ever closer. The world seems to slow to a crawl as my surprise takes hold. And yet through it all, she shines forth, like a beacon in the night. Pink lips shift from smiling to a centred position, and she continues to lean forward, until the last moment comes.
An instant of motion more and we will be in contact, her destination unmistakable.
She... she wants to kiss me? After pushing me away so many times? Is she really ready now? Am I? But what about- no, this is about Leanna and me. I close my eyes and search my feelings, feeling the strong bond between us. My love for her is true, and I close the final distance.

She sighs softly and closes her eyes, gentle hands rolling over my cheeks as she kisses me with the kind of passion and care I have grown to expect of her. The feeling is... it's incomparable. The feeling, the sounds, the taste, the smell, the song in the Force's light, all of it is there, and beyond any taste I have yet received.

My arms snake around her - one around her waist and the other gently holding her cheek, softly wiping away the tears. And I absolutely melt into her embrace.
There is purity and love itself in my arms - and she is kissing me.
My thoughts were swirling, but now there is only Leanna. Once more, my senses get assaulted by her in the best way, and I can only bring himself to care for just Leanna. No insecurities, no worries, only the feeling of her against me, and her incredibly soft and delicious lips on mine. I lean into her some more. My endless love for her pours into her.

The feeling of her deepening the hug, of only the quilted gambeson separating my hands from her softness... Force she feels so good... so good... I can feel the little cracks in the armour of her soul grow.

After an eternity, and all too soon, we must part, and Leanna breathes deeply. The breath cascades over my face like the spring wind on a garden world.

Interestingly enough, I also feels somewhat short of breath. I open my eyes to look at her, brightly flushed.
"...woah..."

Her luminous eyes shine back at me, shimmering with joy.
"When you said you thought I could do better, I just knew. There was a pang of regret right then."

She smiles like a star.
"I kept asking whether I should kiss you and it didn't help me decide. But in that moment, I asked whether I shouldn't, and the answer couldn't have been more obvious."

I blink, not quite able to comprehend.
"...what...?"

I blink again.
"So... what... what does that mean? About you? About us?"

"That I think everything you've been saying is irrelevant, and you absolutely should be given a chance."
She is flushed herself, but shyly smiling up at me through half-lidded eyes.
"And... that kiss was fun, maybe we could do it again sometime?"

I gaze into her eyes, shining with pure love and adoration.
"I wouldn't mind if we wouldn't do anything else..."

I lean in closer again after a moment, my clogged brain now receiving the hint for what it was.
"Like... right now?"

"Sounds excellent."

And contact, the spark of life passing through me as soon as I taste her lips. It's just so much... it's truly awe-inspiring that she can exceed expectations. All my daydreams, all my visions, none could've prepared me for how her lips feel and taste...
Her neck might've encouraged me to worship it. Her lips practically demand it, and from the soft flutters in her heart, she won't refuse.

"Mmm..."
I sigh into our kiss. Leanna truly is my goddess, divine in every sense. I wouldn't mind worshipping her, nor her lips... or whatever she deems me worthy enough to share. Even though it is just a chaste kiss, it feels better than anything else I have ever experienced. How could a simple touch of lips possibly feel so good?

Perhaps part of it is the pressure I feel against me. Not the normal kind - this kind is soft and welcoming, the kind where I can just sink into the fabric and whatever gorgeously soft skin lies beneath.
Perhaps it's her soul - the Force sings with joy around her, the will of her heart bear to me. Even for a moment, being surrounded by such a symphony of love and affection and everything else that is good about the world is intoxicating.
Perhaps it's the anticipation. The fact that in the last two weeks I've waited all my life for a moment I believed would not exist, refusing to check the future for fear my fears would be confirmed.
And now the future that couldn't be is my future, if only for a moment. The unthinkable future... became the present. Some tears slide down my cheeks.
Maybe it's the fact that my brain is crashing, and strangely enough it isn't a threat to my well-being. My willpower in this moment has evaporated, for I want for nothing... and the disparate elements of my mind are not taking the opportunity to slide apart - perhaps an echo of the healing power she might wield one day. Instead of will, love takes the burden of my mind upon its shoulders - and it acquits itself well.

This moment is so perfect... I want it to never end.
My hold on her tightens a bit as I press into her just a bit more.
And yet, eventually, we have to part again. Even if it is more for Leanna's sake, I do also feel a slight shortness of breath. I idly wonder why that is, but most of my focus is set on the woman of my dreams inside my arms.
I wipe away my tears, smiling brightly at her.
"I love you, Leanna. I love you so, so much..."

She smiles back, but then blinks, and blanches.
"Oh no! Was that bad? What about Kory? Oh, I shouldn't have done that, should've kept it to myself, let her have you much less polluted... I feel so greedy..."

I cup her cheek and gently stroke my thumb over her delicately soft skin.
"I... I don't know. But what I do know, is that I love you as much as I love her, and though I do feel a bit guilty to her... I don't feel like this was a mistake. At all."

I then grow a bit worried.
"Or did it feel wrong to you?"

"No, not at all... and that makes it worse... because I don't want to stop."
Her eyes widen.
"Is this what you meant when you said you were worried about corrupting me?"

"Perhaps."
I scratch my cheek with the hand I retract from her waist.
"I mean... to be honest, I don't know what to do about this, either. I love you, and I love Kory, and I know she'll come back in a few months..."

"Yeah... what do we do?"

"I have no idea... I think it depends on you. What do you feel... about me?"

"I don't know yet. I know you feel nice to be around, and I want to give you a chance. I want to see what being with you is like."

I feel... a bit dejected.
"I see... That is... understandable."

"And I know love grows out of those feelings when they're with the right person."

"However... I'm not sure... if I can settle for a maybe? Like... I love you. I am ready to abandon everything and or spend my entire life with you. Or, at least, I was before I knew Kory will come back. Now I'm not sure what would be the right thing to do, either... All that I know is that I absolutely, positively love you. And at this point, after this... these wonderful kisses... I'm not even sure I could go back to being without you..."

"Then... you liked it that much?"

Is she for real? This was the best moment in my entire life!
"I was crying from happiness and told you I'd be fine to do nothing but that. Yes, I did like it that much."

She puts a hand on her chest and breathes in, then out.
"I'm glad. I'm so glad you're happy. You deserve it."

Another rub of her cheek.
"But so do you. Are you really sure that I can make you happy? Are you really sure you want to be with me? Because if you say yes... I don't know if I'll ever be able to let you go..."

"I think you can. You've already done very well."

"Soo... to conclude, you do want to be with me, but don't quite love me yet?"

"I want to try. And if you continue on the path you've been going on, you'll end up inside my heart."
She smiles, warmth reaching every recess of my mind.
"Deep inside."

I blush some more again.
"I... see... Then... I suppose.. there is a point to it, after all. Just... again, I don't know if I can settle for a 'try'..."

A finger trails down my spine.
"We have time. We have until she arrives to figure out what we're going to do."

"I want to be with you for real, because you love me. I... I want to be your special someone, for now and for ever..."
Then, my gaze droops.
"But... I... I also want the same for Kory... with Kory... isn't that unfair?"

"We'll figure this out. Okay?"

I shiver positively at her touch.
"Then... then what does this kiss make us? Doesn't a kiss usually mean that people become a couple?"
I look up at her, torn.

"...Yeah. It does. And that's what I want."

"It is? But then... what about...?"
I am quite lost, not sure what to think or feel.
"I mean, I want it too... but only when you are certain... when you love me... But also, I don't think I could resist you... especially not if you'd kiss me again..."

"Well... this is how I want to find out whether I love you."

"I... I see... But then... what about Kory? I... I don't know..."

"Like I said, we'll figure something out. If I don't know by then, I can step out and let her have her fun. And I'm sure that if something else happens, we'll be okay."

"But I don't think... that if I accept you now... I could ever let you go again... I love you too much for that."

"Oh."

I chuckle lightly at the absurdity of this situation. Even in my most daring dreams, I could not have anticipated something like this.
"Quite the predicament we found ourselves in, isn't it?"
I lean my forehead against hers.

"I suppose so."

"Why is love so complicated? My ascension to godhood felt easier than this."

"Guess that means you're still human in the fun ways."

"I suppose so."
I close my eyes, chuckling softly.
"Well, good to know I haven't lost all my humanity, then."

"Well, I'll let you decide if you want the third kiss that makes you mine for the rest of time."

"I certainly want to... but I'm not sure if I should..."
I open my eyes again and lean back, just enough to stare into her shimmering sapphires again.
"I... I once heard someone say that love is like a battlefield... and if it is, we need a strategy and a tactic."

The disembodied voice of Nox sounds out, clearing his throat. Then, he appears beside us.
"Ahem. Pardon the intrusion..."

She looks over at him.
"Yes?"

"At the risk of saying something you will hate me even more for... would it be an option to share Xerath with Kory?"

I look at him, mouth agape.
"What? How could you even suggest that, Nox? That would be disrespectful for both of them."

I turn to Leanna again.
"Right? This would be preposterous..."

She seems to consider it, however.
"It wouldn't be the worst idea we could try. I'd have to consider it after meeting Kory, though."

I blink.
"W-what...? Leanna...?"

She then softly shakes her head.
"But also everything he just said was wrong."

She gazes deeply into my eyes, affection plain to see.
"If we were to do this, it wouldn't be me and Kory sharing you, it would be us sharing each other. That I would consider, if she's also fun."

Nox blinks.
"Huh."

I do the same, simultaneously.
"Huh."

Nox vanishes again, having said his piece, leaving me to awkwardly scratch my cheek and shift my weight around.
"Well... uhm... what? How... would that even work? I mean, I have no doubt that you will like Kory either. But what do you mean with sharing each other?"

She seems serious.
"Each of us kiss both of the other two."

An image is planted into my mind, and I blush furiously, cover my face with the hands that held Leanna and squat down.
"Aahhh... No... no... I... I couldn't... I couldn't ask that from you..."

She tilts her head cutely, patting my head.
"And if I ask you?"

"Well... at this point, I don't know if I could refuse any request you might have..."
I peer up at Leanna.
"Anyways, do you... do you even have such interest in women?"

She ponders for only a moment.
"I think so."

I blink.

She puts a single finger to her delicate chin.
"Not sure, but I've met beautiful people in both types."

She then smiles dazzlingly at me.
"You among them."

Any of that does not help my vivid flush.
"W-well... uhm... thank you... And that... would certainly explain why I felt like I had to consider Kara as my rival for your affections... well, even more than just my wacky instincts, anyways..."

She seems to be a mixture of amused and concerned.
"Do you feel worried now?"

"Well, is Kara a rival for your affections?"

She shakes her head.
"I consider her attractive, but I'm more interested in you at the moment."

I nod slowly.
"I see. Well, she certainly is easy on the eyes... but still, I am worried. Though not more than before."

"Speaking of... would you be okay with showing me more things that worry you? I want to put some of your fears to rest."

I nod.
"I would. But first things first. I... I still don't know what to do. I mean, I'm sure you and Kory would get along flawlessly. You are both incredible and unique women, which is why I fell in love with both of you. But... I can't help it... even if you say the possibility exists that you... that we could... basically enter a three way relationship... it... I don't quite know how to feel about it."

She nods slowly.
"We both have plenty to think about."

"Like... I don't know... but... it feels like I'd cheat both of you just thinking about the possibility...And yet... and yet..."
I gaze her in the eyes, earnestly, with a soft blush.
"And yet I know that I yearn for your touch as much as I yearn for her return."

I tear my face away, staring away to the rising sun.
"I'm so selfish, and deplorable, aren't I?"

"Isn't that what I just said?"

"Ah... you mean when you said you felt greedy yourself. I... I suppose it was..."
I sigh deeply.
"How can we feel so selfish and greedy, when all we want to do is to make the other person happy?"

"Because we want it all to ourselves?"

I stand back up from my squat.
"Yeah... sounds accurate. But... I want both of you, now that I know she will return. Isn't that deplorable?"

I gaze at her from the corner of my eyes.
"Don't you dislike me now?"

She firmly shakes her head.
"No, I don't. Because if this goes through, I might as well. And if she does too... who is selfish?"

I blink.
"If... if it works... then... then no one would be... Then... then... we could... but that'd be unthinkable... but you kissing me was, too..."

She smiles, her radiance cutting through the fog of my doubt like rays of sunshine.
"Like I said, I'm sure we can figure something out."

But the clouds hang heavy over my mind. I can only regard her with some uncertainty.
"I... I'd like to believe you... but still... Are you sure... I mean, are you really sure about this? About us?"

I wrap an arm around myself.
"This... this would be a point of no return. And I... I'm not as good as you think I am. I'm jealous... and possessive... are you really sure you still want me regardless?"

Her smile remains, beaming at me resolutely.
"I'm sure you deserve a chance. And I'm willing to pay the price of admission."

H droop my head, tearing my gaze away from her dazzling smile.
"But what if you figure out I don't, after all? What if you find out you don't love me, that you can't? I... I don't think I'd be able to endure that..."

"Shhhh..."
She starts gently scratching my head.
"It will be alright. Even if I don't, we'll find a way through, okay?"

"But how? I can't..."
I take a deep breath, taking in her delectable scent.
"No... no... you're right. I... I believe in you. If you say we'll find a way, then I'm sure we will."

I smile at her, radiating with love.
"I love you, Leanna. And I would want nothing more than to be with you."

She blushes lightly at that, but continues scratching my head.
"That's all we need for now."

I unwrap the arm from myself, instead wrapping it around her. I blush slightly and lean my face a bit closer.
"Then... how about we seal this with one more kiss... or several more?"

"That seems fine."

A little more of a blush, but before I can really react, she leans in, and once more my world explodes.

I hold onto her gently, yet firm. And how this simple touch of lips can be the best feeling I ever experienced, I do not know. What I do know, however, is that I now could never go without it again.
Just a little, chaste kiss, the kind of thing even Jedi might not frown upon... and yet it is the most sensual thing I've ever experienced, and that isn't even for lack of experience.
She is just... glorious. Like a nice, warm shower after a month wandering Tatooine... no, even that is far to banal an experience to compare to this one.

She is a goddess... that is the only explanation. And she's my goddess now, too. I wrap myself around her more, pulling her closer. I am completely under her influence, I know... and yet, I don't mind it one bit.

Bright and joyous, the warmth of purest dawn is just before me, wrapping around me, smothering me with love. And though I just cannot seem to open my eyes, I can feel the shining in hers from behind her own squeezed shut stars.

And across her soul, little cracks let loose beautiful and bright touches of the way she is on the inside, worming their way effortlessly into the deepest and least often lit recesses of my heart.
Though that it is specifically my heart that they enter should be mentioned. The boundaries of another are respected.

While I am getting started becoming addicted to Leanna's love, I feel Nox's focus shift elsewhere, seemingly pleased as well.

At one point, we have to part for air. I slowly open my eyes, a fierce blush adorning my cheek as I smile at her lovingly through half-lidded eyes.
"I wonder... does this feel as divine for you as it feels for me?"

"Umm... I don't know? It feels really nice..."
She is also blushing, though perhaps not as much. It's a little difficult for me to tell, though - that I got her to blush for me is a towering achievement.

"I see. Because, I can confidentially say that this is the best experience in my life yet. By far."
I cup her cheek, gently brushing her skin with my thumb.
"You are absolutely amazing in every way, Leanna. I love you."

She smiles, almost shy at my never-ending stream of honest praise.

I lean in again, not quite getting enough of her taste.
Odds are, I never will. Each time it seems better - perhaps it has something to do with the fact that she still hasn't said no, and if I do well, she never will.
At least, as long as it's convenient to do so. For from the sound of her breaths, she might not be enjoying this as much as the person reveling in the rapturous power of true hope and love, but she is quite happy with how things are going, to say the least.

What? She isn't it enjoying as much as I am? I have to change that. I lean closer still.
"Would you mind another one?"

"Not at all."

The pressure of her besom is just amazing... this day could hardly be better.
The realisation of this important part of information makes me blush even more, as my bloodflow is getting... divided.
Force, she is so soft, so warm, so everything...

I then close the distance and catch her lips once more. And this time, I try to return as much love and affection as I am receiving. This is my chance to prove to her just how much I really love and treasure her. I can't afford her to leave me, so I begin to work that she never wants to.
But how to accomplish such a feat? To replicate her angle would be to say that only Leanna is good enough for Leanna. That's no good... I must be good enough for Leanna!
So I'm obviously not going to reflect her powers or anything... but if I would use the same approach, that could work, right? I know Battle Meditation, so I could apply the same principle, just with my unending love for her, focused solely on her. Sprinkled in with the sheer joy and happiness she brings me. I do so, albeit only slightly, as to not overwhelm her, and the effects are immediate. Feeling her spirit curl that little bit in response, hearing her sigh... it's music to me. Well, her voice generally is. But her sighs and other sounds of happiness are even more so. I could ask for no greater gift than her appreciation.

But once again, I pull back as I notice that she needs a break.

She gasps for air as we part, cheeks flushed.
"You're learning quickly, I see."

Force, she is so incredibly alluring...
I continue to hold her lovingly and smile at her, using a hand to gently brush through her hair. Though her comment makes me smirk.
"Indeed. I always was a fast learner. Especially when I have an excellent teacher."

"I..."
She takes a panting breath, the hot air of the exhale brushing over my lips, fuelling my desires even further.
"...can see that."

I lean forward and rest my forehead against hers, barely resisting the urge to just kiss her again immediately.
"Force, you are even more addicting than Spice..."

"Than... what?"

I glance away, not moving my head.
"A substance I shouldn't have used."

She blinks.
"But if I'm worse...?"

"I won't be able to quit you."

"You're talking about some narcotic?"
She seems to be hesitant to believe me.
"Am I that bad?"

"Ah, so you know about them, after all?"
I move my head a bit away to properly look at her and raise a brow.
"Leanna dear. I literally told you before that just being around you fills my entire being to the point that I cannot think of anything else but you. I mean, you must've noticed my absentminded, almost delirious state the last days on the train whenever you let me hug you, right?"

"Uhhh... yeah...?"

"So, yes, that is like the effect of a narcotic. Just even stronger."

"Oh..."
She trails off, realisation dawning on her flawless face.

I run a hand along some strands of her silken smooth hair.
"Your scent, your taste, your touch, your voice, even your feelings... I cannot get enough of it."

Even though she blushes somewhat at my comment, she grows concerned.
"Am I... bad for you, then? Addictive...?"

"Well, yes, but actually, no. Yes, you are addictive. Highly so. However... that doesn't mean you're bad for me. It might make it more difficult for me to focus on anything else that isn't you, but... that was a problem I had before these kisses, too. On the contrary, even, I believe you are good for me. You make me feel a happiness I didn't even thought could exist. And... I believe that you will be able to truly heal me... if you want."

"Of course I do!"
She shouts out with firm determination. Then, she pauses, as her mind catches up with her mouth.
"I just... don't know how, or if I can yet..."

"Not yet, maybe. But the walls containing your power are already cracking. And what little escapes already... is like balm for my hurt mind and heart. You soothe me like I didn't thought possible."
I cup her chin and lift it gently so she looks at me. I give her my incredibly gentle and loving expression, that is reserved for her.
"So don't fret over it too much, okay? You said it yourself, we will find a way."

"You... you really want this, don't you?"
She breaks into a massive smile.
"I knew I made the right decision."

I slightly tilt my head.
"Want what? You?"

"Oh yeah."

"Well, I mean, of course I do. I told you I would love nothing more than to spend my entire life with you... However much of it I have left. I would be ready to marry you on the spot."
I scratch my burning cheek.
"And, well, I thought it was obvious..."

She beams at me.
"Well, since this is probably a bit of a... change for both of us, why don't we just stay here a while? The train won't arrive for a few hours. We'll just need to tell them that everything's okay."

Nox's voice pops in.
"I'll take care of that. I just hope they'll believe me."

I smile softly.
"I'm sure they will. You have a lot to say, after all, don't you?"

"Well, yes. But that also includes Leanna, and I hate it to repeat myself, so I'll wait until the group is back together for that."

"Alright. Suit yourself. And thanks for telling the others."

"No problem... Enjoy your time."

Leanna nods at the direction the voice came from.
"Thanks."

The disembodied voice falters for a moment.
"Uhm... sure."'
Then, he fades.

I then return my focus back on the goddess of love in front of me.
"Soo... what did you have in mind?"

"Well..."

She guides me to a tree, sitting down and patting the ground beside herself.
"I thought we should probably start by laying out the do's and don't. So, let's start with you. Is there anything you want me to know is something you want or don't want me to do that wouldn't be obvious?"

I sit down beside her, sliding close.
"Uhm... I... I don't know? Like... I don't even know much about romantic relationships in the first place. Never thought I'd get into one either, after Kory... so I never really considered anything, either. So, uhm... what about you go first instead? So I can get an idea on what you even mean? Like, what are some things that you would want me to do or not to do?"

"Well, to start, if you don't like something, say so. You don't need to indulge my anything without reason. I expect to have the same commitment from you as well."

"Well... yeah. I mean, the basis for relationships of any kind is communication, is it not? If... or when we will find something that I don't like, I will tell you. I do want to make you as happy as somehow possible, but I think you wouldn't like it if it would go at the cost of my own happiness."

She nods, kind of proudly.
"Exactly. You get it."

I smile slightly and lean my head on her shoulder.

"Now then, back at the Forest of Sorrows you tried impressing me through your prowess in combat while unstable. Just... don't. There are much better ways to impress me that don't involve skill at dealing death."
She smiles softly at me.
"Being able to fight is fine. I just... don't revel in it, okay?"

I nod.
"Alright. It's just... from where I'm coming from, martial prowess is a major point that impresses people. Which I suppose is a given with how many wars we have... Regardless, I should've known that you, being the living incarnation of kindness, wouldn't appreciate it as much."

"Perhaps. But it's okay, now you know."
Fingers massage my scalp, deep and perfect.

Without the others around, I don't have the need to hold back my chittering.
"Krrrrrkrrrr..."

"As an extension of that, one thing I do enjoy is times like this. Peace and quiet, shared with a close friend or lover."

"I do, too. Especially with you."

She plants a kiss in my hair, and knowing that she is kissing me as a... What is this called, girlfriend? Knowing that sends me into paroxysms of joy.

I lean into her some more, sighing happily.
"...I love you, Leanna..."

"And for now, my final point is that I am prepared to tend to your needs in many ways, so once again, if you need something, ask me."

"Alright."
I take a breath.
"Then... well... the first thing that comes to mind, which you must've noticed as well, is that I want... and need... a lot of affection. Especially of the physical kind. I love your touch, your caress, and your kisses even more so. And, well, I am... afraid... of a lot of things. Especially things centring around you... like losing you, in any way of the word. That... that could make me very jealous and possessive... and afraid that I'm overbearing or... or... what's the word? Clingy?"

She nods without any sort of judgement.
"Alright."

"So, uhm... I don't quite know what the right approach would be, but... I'd hate it to see someone else flirting with you, and you responding well to it..."

"Okay.
She simply accepts my statement for what it is, and then finally gives a comment of her own.
"I don't know how much control I have over whether I enjoy someone else's company, but faithful I can do."

I nod with a small smile.
"I cannot ask for more. As long as you make it clear where your affection lies."

Then, my smile droops a bit.
"I am yours now. And, well, I'd want the same from you. However, at the same time, if I become too overbearing, or possessive, or whatever, then please point it out to me."

I run a hand through my hair.
"I... I am very uncertain and insecure about this whole relationship thing, because I want to do everything right for you. You deserve nothing less than the best, and since you decided that I am the best for you... I want to do right by that."

She smiles encouragingly.
"I think you'll do okay."

"I sure hope so. I mean, I'm not known for blunders, or screwing things up... but you make things quite different."

"Oh? Do I... distract you?"
She smirks at me as she leans into my shoulder, her softness brushing against my arm.

I swallow as I feel my cheeks heating up again.
"Yes. Very much so. There is not a single moment when not at least one of my thoughts circles around you in one way or another."

She blushes slightly, but gives my cheek a kiss.
"How does that make you feel?"

"Mostly? Nervous. I noticed that I worry much more than I used to. I also noticed how my focus shifted. Like, when thinking about doing something, the inevitable thought is 'what would Leanna think about this? How would she react?'. But also, it makes me... more happy, I suppose. I finally have something pleasant to think about that involves me as a person, not just as one of the many titles I hold."

A soft thumb slowly rubs my cheek.

I lean into her touch.
"You are my dream, Leanna. Truly a dream come true. And I'm afraid this is too good to be true. That this dream will end soon, and life will rip you away from me. Like... like Kory was ripped away from me..."

"Well, what can I do to make you less worried about that?"

"I... I don't know. It's kind of an existential dread..."

"Hmm... There must be some kind of solution..."

"Well, if there is one, I'm sure you will find it. You are uniquely skilled at putting my fears to rest, after all."
I place a soft kiss on her cheek.

"Maybe temporarily, while I'm vulnerable relative to you, you could live in my head?"
She cutely taps her chin.
"Not sure how well that would work though..."

I arc a brow at her.
"What do you mean?"

"You'd... I don't know, store your body somewhere and live inside me. Therefore, at all times you are right at the flashpoint when something happens to me. You have the ability to protect or revive me from most dangers, your main problem is getting there in time. What if you're already there? And then once it's no longer necessary, you could return to your body. But again, I don't know if that's a good idea or not..."
As she finishes explaining her idea, she pokes her fingers together.

"Well, I suppose I could try to plant a shard of me within your mind... but there are a set of problems with that, regardless. Problems that make me think this wouldn't be worthwhile. Besides, getting to you in time isn't that much of a problem either, as I can be essentially where I want to be... within a limited range. Also, I noticed that I keep track of your presence much more closely than I'd need to, and the beacon of light that is your soul is really hard to miss."
I scratch my cheek.
"So, I suppose what I'm saying is, that if anything would happen to you that'd prevent me from going to you... I don't think that even having a shard of me around you would help much. Never mind the fact that I'm not confident in dividing my mind at it's current condition..."

She sighs, which is also adorable.
"Alright. I tried... a little."

I kiss her neck.
"Your attempt is noted and appreciated."

Annnnnnnnnnnd there was no way I'd be able to resist latching onto her neck. Her hair spilling all around me, the scent and taste of everything bright and beautiful... yeah. Without a misfiring colicoid instinct to bother me, why do anything else?
I... I definitely should've seen that coming. But at the same time, does it matter? Does it really matter when this perfection taken flesh is just right beside me?
And so, I am quickly captivated by her again, showering her neck with gentle and tender kisses, that slowly turn more passionate again.

She does nothing but massage me while I work, passion bursting at the seams.

As I'm not stopped, my passionate kisses turn more sensual as well, as I am once more like in a trance. She is just so enticing. Nothing else compares.

Though blushing up a storm, she is perfectly alright, and she allows me to wrap around her. I need this, and she is okay with providing.

As I continue to kiss and suck on her neck, my arms snake around her, and with increasing time, begin to roam.

She keeps my arms in bounds, but is fine with them moving around on her back. A little touch here and there to keep them in check. Nothing that is sufficient to really distract me.
Over time, it progresses further. From sensual to something almost... desperate. I need more of this taste, more of this feeling.
I need more of her. With a rather sudden movement, I lean in with my weight, pushing her over and pinning her down, yet never breaking my advance on her neck.

Flushed and embarrassed, with a slight bit of panic in her voice, she pushes a bit at my chest.
"X-Xerath, that's enough!"

I blink, her raised voice snapping me out of this state.
"L-Leanna? Oh my goodness, I'm sorry!"

Yet she recovers quickly.
"No, I'm sorry... maybe I should've acted sooner."

I lean back into a sitting position, helping her up.

She takes a breath.
"You're okay, Xerath."

Holding my hand, she gets back up.

My brows furrow in worry.
"Are... are you sure? Have I... have I not overstepped my boundaries? Are you not upset?"

Still holding onto my hand, she pulls me into a hug.
"I'm sure."

I gladly return it, but stay away from her neck for now.
"Alright, then..."

She is not displeased by this choice.

"I just... in such instances, I need you to moderate me. It seems I am incapable of doing it myself..."

I hear the smile in her voice.
"We all need a little help sometimes."

I lean back just the slightest bit to look at her perfect face.
"Well, and I need you. Specifically."

Her eyes seem to twinkle at me.

I hold her gaze, smiling lovingly and adoring at her, before leaning in closer once more.

"Let's get you feeling good about yourself again."
Her voice seems to gently stroke the edges of my mind, soft and smooth as Leanna herself.
And her lips are upon mine again, assailing every sense, bewitching every notion.

I lean into her, wrapping around her in both body and mind. Just like I feel so much of Leanna flooding my senses, I let her feel my undying emotions for her. My love for her truly is absolute, she must realise by now.

And she is just... there. Almost immediately, her soul bends. I don't understand what is happening until the click, as all of the wrappings I have sent her slot instantly into place. We fit together, like two pieces of a puzzle, my soul linked with her's, even if only for a little while.

I smile into our kiss, and all too soon for my tastes, we have to separate.
"Did... did you feel that just now, dear?"

"Yeah..."
She blushes deeply.
"It's... uhhhh..."

I smile patiently and lovingly, waiting for her to finish her thought.

She slowly stares into the middle distance, trying to find words. Everything is there. To think that Leanna could've done this with anyone, and I was the first..

Something about that makes me feel both happy and mad.
But also... only someone with heavy Force abilities from my galaxy could've triggered it this soon.
Yes, but still... to think that anyone else could've taken my place, compared to how she is the only person alive I am compatible with... it does not help with my belief that I do not deserve her.
Either that... or she didn't have a destiny. The Force didn't force her down this road - she's making a choice.
But my mental state and state of emotions is not part of my own destiny, either. There is just... just simply no one I could've ever loved like Kory... Aside from Leanna.

Leanna combs fingers through my hair, sensing my inner turmoil.
"Is something wrong?"

"I... Well, for one, I wait for you to finish your sentence. But that's not what you picked up on. It's..."
I sigh.
"It's stupid, but... I think I don't like the fact you could have had... this with just about anyone."

She tilts her head, slightly arcing a cute and curious brow.
"Isn't that how it is with everyone?"

"I don't know, but it isn't for me."

"It isn't?"

I shake my head softly.
"No. I told you that you are the only one for me, didn't I?"

She seems dejected by that.
"Then... I didn't earn you? It was just destiny?"

"No. I don't think this falls under the category of destiny. It's... it's a matter of how rare of a person you are. You are similar to Kory in all the right ways, with your own quirks that make you unique... but the thing is, I never have met someone like her after she was gone, until you. So, uhm, you have earned me, by being the best person one could ever wish to know. But your qualities are also incredibly rare. There just isn't anybody like you. That's why there is only you for me..."

Her brow furrows.
"But the way you said that... obviously that's kind of true for me too, since I wouldn't want to be with certain kinds of people. It's just that... I'm not made for one person. I'm just a person."

"Well, at least to my eyes, you are far more than just a person. You are a goddess. And one day, you will ascent, I'm sure."

That makes her smile ever so slightly.
"Well, I hope that when I do I can make people happy."

"Undoubtedly. Your love for life burns like a beacon in the night already. I shudder to think how your light will manifest once it escapes its confines. Thus, I know that I could never love someone else like I love you. And, as I said, I'm not sure about the prospect that you... could."

She scratches my head.
"I think you'll be alright. After all, if I was only able to love a specific type of person the way you do... that would probably imply that I've been through some trauma involving that..."

"Huh. I... I didn't think of it like that... Then, in that case, I'm glad that you don't."
I nuzzle into her.

"Besides."
She caresses my head.
"I think either way it will be just fine."

I sigh softly.
"Well, if you say that, then it will be most likely true. Still... I'd like an answer to my previous question."

"Oh... uhhhhhhh..."
Unable to deflect, her fierce and incredibly beautiful blush returns.

I smirk at her.
"Don't think I've forgotten. Because I do not."

She tries to find words.
"Like... like... I don't know what to compare it to... It felt like you were open... and so was I..."

I nod.
"And then we clicked?"

She glances down, averting her gaze.
"...yeah... I'm not sure what to say about it..."

My brow creases in worry.
"Did you... not like it?"

She looks back up, alarmed.
"No! No, no no no no that's not it..."

I gently rub her shoulder.
"Then what?"

She sighs, seemingly disappointed in herself.
"I... don't know..."

"Okay. Well, at least you did not dislike it. Then, did you like it?"

She bites her lower lip.
"I did... but I'm not sure what to say..."

I nod in understanding.
"I see. Well, it is a rather alien experience. But I expected this to happen sooner or later, to be honest."

She blinks in surprise.
"You did?"

I nod.
"Do you remember when I mentioned that we have a unique and powerful bond? This is one of the things I was getting at. We... we are compatible on a very deep level, to the point that I believe you could be my soulmate, if you believe in such concepts."

"Oh."
Her face is very neutral as she takes this in.
"So I can expect... more of this in the future?"

I nod again, being a bit hesitant.
"Most likely, yes. Does that... make you uncomfortable?"

"A little... but I think I can get used to it."

I smile slightly.
"I see."

I sigh happily and nuzzle into her.
"You make feel whole, for a lack of a better word. I love you more than words can describe. And I believe you have already gotten a taste of just how strong my love for you is."

"Yeah, I have..."
She smiles at me, blindingly and pure.
"You sell yourself short. You have plenty of love, Xerath. I think that can be expressed elsewhere as well. I just need to get you loving life through myself."

"Well... you already made me... enjoy being alive again. I'd say that is a phenomenal development in it's own right. I love my life, now that you are in it."

She beams, making the sun jealous.
"That's a great start!"

I can't help but grin in response to that.
"It certainly is, isn't it? And especially now that I know that Kory will return... I have no reason to seek my death any longer."

She pulls me close.
"I'm so sorry you ever had one."

I nestle into her.
"Well... it's quite hard when you value someone so much, and then lose that someone. Especially in such a gruesome way. But that is in the past now. For the first time in my life, I have the prospect of a radiant future, and that is all thanks to you. I love you, Leanna dear."

She blinks, noticing something.
"You're calling me dear."

I tilt my head.
"Yes? I've been doing that since earlier. This is actually the third time I did it. Do you... not like it?"

She shakes her head.
"No... it's just a surprise..."

"I... I want to be more affectionate with you. And since we were already rather affectionate with each other before, I figured this would be a good way. Oh, that brings me back to our original topic from earlier: are you okay with public displays of affection?"

"Like kissing? Not really. I need plausible deniability, or a ring on my finger to hold your hand. At least on Terra, where people will look at me."

I feel somewhat dejected.
"I see... Yet you were fine with me kissing you in front of the others?"

"They were friends, and would not judge nearly as much."

"That is true. But still, why care if people judge you?"

"Well, for one I care about what other people think. For two, there's my family."

"Oh... right. They might hear of it if you cause a 'scandal'. So... so what? Do you want to keep our relationship secret?"

She nods.
"Yes, at least for now."

He gaze down.
"I see... Understood."

"It can be our special thing for now, and you can parade me around at a later date, okay?"

"It was 'our special thing' from the very beginning, and will always remain that way. But that doesn't change the fact that I am incredibly proud of you, and dislike the concept of hiding our relationship."

"Well, what do you want with this being known?"
She looks curiously.

"Well... it's less that I want it known, and more that I don't want to keep it hidden. I don't want to parade you around or anything - you are not a trophy. But I do not want to let the opinions of other people - strangers at that - dictate how I have to live my private life. Especially now that I actually have one. People will always talk and judge. And if your society is so prude that even showing the slightest bit of affection for even your mother in public is frowned upon? Then I believe it is time to change that."

She smiles, both proudly and timidly, red in the face.
"I think I can get behind that."

I smile at her, then nuzzle her cheek.
"Really? That'd be great. You know, I just... I don't quite understand that mentality. Like, it is expected to love your family, right? So, if everyone knows that everyone should love their family... why is it even frowned upon to publicly show affections?"

"It's seen as... improper."

This does not compute.
"But why? I mean, of course there are certain acts of intimacy that shouldn't be done in public... but light kisses? Hugs? And even hand-holding, of all things? They are absolutely harmless."

"People see public spaces as public, so anything done in them is also public. Which means that - specifically women - expressing affection publicly is likened to... expressing that affection to everyone."

I blink, unbelieving.
"That... that is among the stupidest things I have ever heard. And trust me, I have heard a lot."

I shake my head and sigh.
"Sorry... I sometimes forget how young your society still is compared to mine. Of course there will be instances like this that would seem... 'primitive' to me. But then again..."

I smile brightly at her.
"This society also managed to bring you forth, so maybe it's not that bad, after all."

She doesn't sound too thrilled.
"...perhaps..."

I sigh deeply as my smile drops.
"You know... I am quite torn on something."

She blinks.
"What is it?"

"Terra. On one hand, I would love to stay, carve out my own reclusive life somewhere... maybe influence the cultural and scientific development somewhat, perhaps even teach about the Force... And on the other hand, I feel like I don't belong here. Like I should get away as soon as possible and not disturb the development."

She pats my head.
"We'll figure it out. I don't know whether you belong yet, but I do think you can stay a while. Okay?"

I lean into her touch.
"Okay. And at the very least, I know that I belong with you. You... you feel like home, dear."

"Is that good enough for now at least?"

"It's better than anything I hoped for, so yes. I am highly content in the moment."
I scratch my cheek.
"The problem is that I also always ponder about the future, trying to plan my next steps, you know? And here... it's just so uncertain. That is annoying."

She nods softly.
"I understand."

I lean into her.
"Good."

I smile up at her, my eye twinkling as I gaze into her eyes.
"I am confident you always do."

She smiles back, her own eyes seeming to glow with a fascinating, alluring light.

"Truly, you understand me better than anyone else I have met in my life. I wouldn't be surprised if you'll understand me even better than I do myself in the future, once your powers awake. I value you, and the bond we share. You are a true treasure, Leanna, and I love you."

A light blush dusts her cheeks, playful scarlet framing her features, and as I watch, I can see Leanna's eyes seem to flicker with a real light, more blue and beautiful than anything I've ever seen, and for the instant it is visible it captures me. For I can do nothing but stare, as though hypnotised.
Well, even more so than they always do anyways.
In an instant it is gone, but I remember the feeling easily. Another shadow, perhaps, of what she might become.

I softly brush her cheek.
"I both anticipate and dread the day you will awaken to your full potential."

"Dread?"
She looks worried.

"Well, you might even surpass me. And for how bright your light will shine... I am worried that it will attract the darkness. And that I won't have your attention, your affection and love for myself anymore."

She cutely tilts her head.
"What makes you think that?"

"You love everything, don't you? And if you live up to what I see in you... and you will most likely surpass even my wildest anticipations... then you will have the power to help anyone on a very large scale. Which would require you to split your attention. Which me and my possessive streak would not like..."

"Oh..."
She mulls this over.
"So... what do you want me to do?"

"I..."
I run a hand through my hair. not bothering to keep it in place.
"I have no idea. As I said, I also anticipate your awakening, because I know how much you love to help others. I believe that you will be very happy to be able to help so many people at once..."

I sigh deeply.
"It's weird, isn't it? I am a full blown god myself... and yet I still feel like I'm not enough for you and hold you back... Or, will hold you back? I don't even know anymore at this point... emotions are confusing."

"Yeah, they are."
She smiles as brushes my shoulder.
"But that's part of the process, right?"

"I suppose."
I pause for a moment, feeling a wave of exhaustion coming over me.
"Hey, Leanna?"

She smiles at me, as warm and nourishing as she always does.
"Yes Xerath?"

"Can I lie down for a moment?"

"Sure. Where would you like to lie down?"

"You."
As I say that, I move and lie down, resting my head on her lap.

She blushes, but starts massaging my head. Scritches and such abound.

"Krrrr..."
I enjoy her divine movements for a while, before speaking up again.
"You know, it used to be so simple... Well, relatively, at least. Focus on an enemy, train, gain powers, defeat enemy, rinse and repeat. Learning new rituals, or leading an archaeological expedition, or building lightsabers... none of that were as confusing as figuring out my own emotions now."

I smile up at her.
"Which is why I'm even more glad to have you. I don't know how you do it, but you help me make sense of everything."

Her voice is soft and soothing.
"That's good."

I relax in her caring massage, and my neck touches the cool metal of her armour, which causes me to freeze and bolt up straight again.

Leanna immediately understands the problem, and lets go of me, before obviously offering a hug. I sense that I don't have to go for it if it will make me feel trapped.

I take a deep breath, and then re-position so I can accept the hug. Her embrace is not like a trap, but like a safe haven, after all.

Finally, she speaks.
"Shh... it's okay, you're not back there. You're here with me."

"I know. I know... but still..."

Her voice is soft and gentle and understanding.
"I know."

"Even if it's you... those reflexes still kick in..."
I'm disappointed in myself.

She shakes her head.
"I'm not chastising you. You aren't wrong for having these attacks. Just take your time, relax, and tell me if there's anything I can do to help with that."

She thumbs the armour plate.
"Was this the problem?"

"I'm not sure... It could've been the contact in general, but I think that it being cold metal didn't help, either."

"I can take off my armour if you want to try again without, but if you'd rather not, I understand."

"Thanks. But... maybe not right now. Let's... take things slowly."

She smiles like the patient and divine goddess that she is.
"Of course."

I can't help but smile slightly.
"There are a lot of other things you deserve to know, that you can help with, after all."

"You'll be comfortable with airing them now?"

"Some of them, at least. You... despite my repeated warnings, you still decided that I'm worth it to be romantically pursued. You deserve to know. I... I'll just have to trust that it won't change how you view me."

She nods.
"Alright. Do whatever you're comfortable with. I can't ask for more."

I nod.
"So... where do I even start?"

I take a deep breath.
"How about one of the things I actually brought up once?"

"Alright."
She sits patiently, waiting for him to say his piece.

"Remember when I told you that I'm a murderer, and think that I belong in jail?"

She nods, humming softly in affirmation.

"You responded by telling me that you basically view every kill as a murder... but that's not quite the same for me and my galaxy. I guess it's not the same for you, but in our legal systems, we differentiate between kills and murder. Most notably, if someone is killed in an accident... or because of self-defence. Like, if someone kills an attacker in self-defence, it is not murder, and not punishable. This law also protects soldiers, in a way. A murder is specifically attacking a victim with the intent to kill. Even worse if said victim was defenceless. That is a highly punishable crime. Though there were special rules for Sith, back when I was an apprentice. A group of Sith in Kaas City hunted down civilians and killed them for 'sport'. And hey, under imperial law, they were in the right."

She frowns, but doesn't say anything, not wanting to interrupt me.

"The bounty hunter they hired to track and mark the targets then turned to A'den and me, and we agreed to help him out, using his device to mark Acolytes instead. Even for Sith it is illegal to attack other Sith. So those sickos got arrested and their murders stopped."

I shake my head.
"But I digress. So, with this differentiation in mind, I am quite sure that all of the kills you noted where either in self-defence or in the defence of someone else, so under my law, they wouldn't count as murders. But me?"

I turn my face away.
"I... I'm not so innocent..."

Her tone is without judgement of any sort, filled with some sort of curiosity.
"Alright, how so?"

"When I was on Nar Shaddaa - a city moon controlled by the hutts - I was tasked to retrieve an old artefact from a rival Sith Lord, who lead a cult of the poor on that world. In order to get this lord's attention, I was to usurp control of his cult, and the method I chose was to cure people on the streets from a common sickness on that world. The problem was that said cure was stored in the lab of the manufacturer, who sold it at a price the poor couldn't afford. So, I broke in."
I cast my gaze down, ashamed and guilty.
"There... there were several guards. I... I killed them without even sparing them a second thought. They... they weren't soldiers, or thugs... they were just normal people trying to make a living... and I obliterated them... I didn't even give them a warning, a chance to surrender... nothing..."

She nods.
"What were your other options?"

"You mean... instead of retrieving this cure?"

"Instead of killing them. So instead of retrieving the cure, and of accessing the cure through other means. Which other options did you know of when you made that choice?"

"Well, I was presented with two options: retrieving the cure, or to eliminate the most brutal gangs that terrorise the streets of the slums."

"There weren't any other options you were made aware of?"

I shake my head.
"No. Those were the only two viable options to quickly gather the support of the people."

"Okay, and with infiltrating the complex, there were no other ways to reach the cure?"

"Of course there was! I- I could've talked to them. Convincing them to surrender. I mean, they were just normal guys with blasters, they were no threat at all for me. But in that moment, I didn't even consider it. I... I just... I just killed them... Murdered them in cold blood..."
Despite my best efforts to keep them in check, tears trickle down my cheeks.

Her hands cup my cheeks.
"Could you have? It was their job to protect the cure, so other people couldn't get at it. How were they convinced to do this?"

"They were paid to do that. They were simple guards."

"Exactly. And what would happen to them if they were to fail in their task?"

"They'd get fired?"

"And what are the consequences for being fired?"

"Unemployment. Less income. Possibly poverty. But on the other hand, nobody could blame them for being unable to protect the cure against a Sith."

"Okay, what would the most likely outcome of poverty be for them?"

"Nothing good. Death... or worse. Still. The corporation that produces that medicine was known to be an acceptable employer. They wouldn't have been fired over failing to keep a Sith away. So, don't try to argue that I somehow did a good thing there, because I didn't. I murdered them cold-heartedly. I felt their fear, and I enjoyed it..."

"And that was a very dark time for you, wasn't it?"

"Yes. But that doesn't justify my actions."

She gently rubs my cheeks, brushing away the tears.
"Xerath, I believe that we can always do better. That you recognize what you did now means you've improved as a person."

"Well, yeah... but still. I should atone for my sins, be locked away for them. But instead, I am revered, called a 'hero' when I'm not..."

"But what would've happened if you had taken another path? Let's go over them. If you had spared them, what would've happened?"

"I could've gone in there, told those guards that I need that cure... kriff, I probably could've even just bought it! If I had spared them, then they'd survive. They didn't want to die... they were just trying to make as honest a living as possible on that corrupt moon..."

"Everyone is. I don't think buying it is the correct option, though."

"No, there was also the corrupt scum that would use any methods to get ahead. Well, it was their property, and they can do with it what they want. That's kind of the thing with property. That I broke in there and stole the cure is criminal, too, but far less relevant than the murders I committed..."

"What a society considers criminal is not always a good metric."

"Please elaborate."

"I don't think stealing the cure is a crime. If anything, not stealing it would be."

I arc a brow.
"Wow. This is getting dangerously close to hypocrisy."

She blinks.
"What?"

"Weren't it you that told me about bringing worth to an economy when we first met?"

"Only if that economy helps people."

"That I should think about the people that work hard to produce something? And you think that firm just snapped the cure into existence? They have costs to cover, too. Personnel to pay. How are they supposed to do that when their source of income gets stolen?"

She holds up a hand.
"That company was creating a cure for a dangerous disease. They were withholding that cure from people that needed it. An economy is only worthwhile if it exists to help the people that work in it. The businesses in Meadowhill and throughout most of Esaria are not comparable to the ones on Nar Shadaa."

"Of course they are. Do you think it would be alright if people stole your hard earned possessions because they think they need it more than you?"

"If I didn't need them and they did? Yes."

I sigh.
"Of course you do. I should've guessed you'd have such a stance, after you threw around so much money to help me. However, I do not agree."

"Do I think that stealing the cure would have consequences? Yes. But if you didn't, thousands and millions of people would suffer from this disease, wouldn't they? And aren't you as responsible for that if you had the power to stop it?"

"I reached only a few people, though. Besides, that cure was not cheap to produce. If they can't afford to produce the cure because it gets stolen, they have to stop production. And then what? Then the disease spreads even to those who were formerly able to afford the cure, because there is no more cure."

"Why is the cure so expensive?"

"Ingredients, time, equipment needed, personnel needed, rent... there are many factors."

"Or should I say, why is it being produced by someone for whom expense is an issue?"

"What do you mean?"

"Why couldn't the kingdom produce what is needed to solve such a health crisis? If the disease is annihilated, there will be no more need for the cure - and it need no longer strain the people and the economy."

"Because there is no kingdom on Nar Shaddaa, no government."

"That sounds like it isn't good."

I shake my head.
"It isn't. The entire planet is controlled by a crime syndicate - the Hutts. And they are not known for their kindness. Nor a caring government. Frankly, that they even manage to control as much territory as they have is an amazement."

A deep frown settles on her lovely facial features.
"How awful."

"Yes. It is. The whole city is filled with neon signs to hide the filth."

She blinks.
"'Neon'?"

"Ah. Imagine bright, colourful lights, everywhere."

"Okay?"
She still seems confused.

"Hmm hold on. I suppose it is quite hard to imagine without reference. I could try to either create an illusion around us or send you one of my memories. What would you prefer?"

"Well, which do you think would be better?"

"Sending you a memory should be easier."

"Alright then, do that."
Her mind seems to open to me, just a bit.

I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers. I don't need to, but I want to. I then send her memories of Nar Shaddaa, of when I first arrived on that bright moon and saw the wide city.
I make carefully sure that nothing else slips through. Just the optics of the city, the Promenade, and the flying casinos.

She blinks, seeing the memories as though they are her own.
"It's so... different."

I smile slightly.
"That it is."

When I have shown her everything I wanted to, I stop the transmission, greeting her back with a warm smile.

Her eyes are wide, her expression fascinated.
"Your galaxy is an interesting place."

"It certainly is. And that was just one moon among many worlds."

Her eyes grow even wider in amazement.
"Wow..."

I can't help but smile brightly.
"Who knows, maybe I can show you around one day? Not just through my memories, but for real."

She returns that smile.
"That might be nice."

"Oh, and the others would absolutely love you. Not nearly as much as I do, of course, but you know what I mean."

"Well, it's not like I had any good reason not to visit your galaxy given the chance."

I lean into her.
"I suppose."

Then I nuzzle her cheek.
"Soo..."

"What is it?"

"Well, my first dark secret is out..."

"Yeah, it is. And I think you did okay. Though it would've been better if you had worked to secure a continuous supply, I don't imagine you would've had the kind of pull on your master at that time to buy out a company."

"No, I suppose I didn't. Though Zash was a great master! Until she wasn't... but then she was a great ally again. And, well, I was kind of on a schedule. Helping the people was just a mean to an end, after all."

"Besides, you also offered something other than the cure."

I blink.
"I did?"

She smiles at me. This warm and lovely smile I fell in love with.
"Hope. You came and helped them."

"Ah. Right. Well, it certainly impressed them, alright. They even went so far to call me the 'great healer'."
I scratch my cheek.
"But there are much better healers then me. Especially back then."

I glance down
"And I impressed... or intimidated, that kind of depends... a hall of people through a ruse, too. I... This isn't one of the secrets, but I feel kind of guilty that I tricked people into following me. I mean, they believed in me... in my powers... that I did not possess. I guess that's also why I was uncomfortable with them bowing to me."

"I get that."
Again, she doesn't judge me, only speaking with a neutral curiosity.
"Did you end up fulfilling your promises?"

"I think so. I... I've been out of touch with my cult for several years by now, but my last information was that they were doing well, continuing in my name, spreading my ideals, and just generally helping the people."

"I see."
She smiles once more.
"That is good."

"Yeah. And, well, now they are right to worship me. I really am a god now. But still, I feel bad that started it all with a ruse..."
I shake my head.
"Anyways..."

I gaze her in the eyes.
"What are we going to do now? Anything special you'd like to do?"

"Is that all you wished to confess?"

I nod.
"For now, at least."

"Alright."
She nods in understanding.
"Well, I had thought from the way you said it that there was much more you wanted to say than a single thing, but I won't push. Soooooo..."

She brings a hand to her chin.
"Well, is there something you've always wanted to do?"

"You."
I blink as my thoughts catch up, and I blush as I realise what I just said.
"Uuuhhh... I mean... uhm... n-not really..."

She is similarly flushed.
"U-uhh, yes, alright, let's try something other than that..."

I peek at her shyly.
"Well... sorry... But... the thing I want to do most right now is just be around you. Preferably being as close as possible."

She nods, powering through her embarrassment. She seems to have found something else to focus on.
"Alright, is there anything involving that that you want to do? "Like, specifically."

"Kissing you. I... uhm... found... that I really like that..."

The colour and temperature of her cheeks flare again.
"Alright. Well, what do you enjoy so much about it?"

"Hmm... Just... the feeling of it all. The way you feel in my arms, the way you taste, the way your emotions pour into me, having your scent so close... Scent! That reminds me of something, actually."

"Hmm?"

"I, uhm, got a present for you, that I wanted to give to you when we get together."

She is surprised.
"Oh, you do?"

"Yes. But I'm not sure if you'll like it..."
I reach into my pack, pulling out the sealed box.
"I certainly hope you will, though."

I smile lovingly at her and hand her the box.
"I love you, Leanna."

"Oh?"
She accepts the package, staring at it.

"Well, go on, open it."

She opens the package. She blinks.
"You bought this?"

I smile shyly.
"I did. You... you seemed like you wanted it."

She stares down at the perfume, before smiling broadly.
"Thank you, Xerath."

I am pulled into a hug.

My smile broadens as I return the hug. I gently run a hand through her hair.
"So, I assume you like it, then?"

Her bright smile is audible in the way her voice sings with happiness.
"I love it."

"I'm glad. I was really debating on whether or not I was going to buy it, you know?"

"I do, I think. You think a lot."

"Heh. That I do. And in this case, I was wondering if it was a good idea to get you a perfume, given how much I love your natural scent. But when I remembered how you looked at the flask... I just had to get it."

She blinks, looking back up at me.
"Wait, I smell like something?"

"Of course."

"No one's ever told me that."

"Just about every being has their own scent. Well, normal people would have to spend quite some time together to be able to pick up on it. It would only be faint traces. But since my sense of smell is several times finer than a human's, I can smell you easily. And I adore that scent."

"Why? Wouldn't it just be something like body odor?"

"Yes. That is what I mean. I think."

"And isn't most body odor that's noticeable kind of gross?"

"Yes, exactly. The one that is noticeable. To a human nose, only the strong scents of sweat and similar things are noticeable. But there are a lot of other scents that a person leaves. Scents that are much subtler. And you have an exceptionally lovely scent, Leanna. One that almost works like an aphrodisiac on me."

She looks at me curiously.
"Really? That's weird. Why would that be?"

I shrug.
"I'm not quite sure. I'd assume because it is your scent. I mean, the same goes for your taste as well."

"Huh."
She regards me with even more curiosity, her brows arced.
"What do I taste like to you? Didn't you say that basically nothing tastes noticeable to you?"

"Not quite. I can taste things just fine. I just generally don't care."
I ponder over the words for a moment.
"But if I had to put your taste into words... huh... I could only describe it as you... Like, enticing, pure, and loving. If love had a taste, yours would be it."

"...oh..."
She turns very red, and her voice quietens in embarrassment.
"...maybe I should just stop being surprised by these things you keep telling me."

I smirk.
"Please don't. You are absolutely adorable when you flush."

She peeks at me.
"...is this why every time you kiss my neck you get stuck?"

"Yes. And why you burying my head in your shoulder lead to me kissing your neck in the first place."

"I see..."
I can see the gears in her head turning, as despite being embarrassed, she worries about something else.
"And how does it make you feel...?"

"Hmm... kind of delirious. In that state, I want more of you, no matter what. I want to explore you, kiss and caress you. This desire is so strong that I can literally not think of anything else."

Concern is plain on her face.
"Are you... okay with that?"

"Well, yes. You said you didn't have a problem with that behaviour from me, so I accepted it. And besides, thinking about nothing but you are the most pleasant thoughts I had at the same time."

"Alright... I can't imagine what that's like..."
She tries to wrap her hand around it, but can't quite. Instead, she shakes her head, coming to a conclusion for herself.
"But if you enjoy it, that's good."

I smile earnestly at her.
"I do."

I nuzzle against her.
"I feel so lucky to have you."

She pats my head.
"I'm happy I can make you so happy."

"Me too. I'm happy that I can make you happy, too."
I glance at her slyly.
Speaking of happy... would you like more kisses?"

She mock ponders.
"Hmmm, I think I can allow that."

I smile.
"Oh my, how generous of you."

I lean in.
"Then I suppose I have to make extra sure to earn your continued approval..."

"Indeed. You should."
But she is beaming, and when she leans forward that shines through me.

One slightly strange myth I've come across in my travels is that of love's archer. An entity with a bow that, when the ethereal arrow pierces the heart of someone, they fall in love.
Leanna seems to have that, but it's more like a turbolaser.
Well, I already love her, so that's okay. But the chances that I'll ever fall out of love are absolutely zero, especially like that. But if she puts such an effort to curate my love, maybe I should, too. As such, I begin pouring my emotions into her as well. All the while I caresses her, one hand stroking her hair, the other her back.

I hear her hum from the back of her mouth, and her soul strum against mine.

I sigh into the kiss, as I pull her closer. My hands begin to roam her back, for the first time going to her lower back, whereas before I always stayed at the upper back.

She shifts them back up.
'...not there yet, okay...?'

'Of course. Sorry...'

'...it's alright...'

Throughout it all, the kiss was only interrupted for a second or so, the stream of joy flowing into me going nice and strong.

Like before, I make sure to let her feel just as much joy. This isn't just about me, after all. Leanna must feel good, too. And while I do worry that one day I won't be able to match her, for now it is entirely doable.

She breathes out, smiling brightly, yet somewhat shyly, as she glances at me with pinkish cheeks.
"You're doing great, Xerath..."

I smile at her while she has to catch her breath, once more bewitched by her adorable expression.
"I'm glad. And you as well."

I then blink suddenly as I notice something.
"Huh. There might be a few things I'll have to adjust slightly in the future."

Leanna blinks, surprised and curious.
"Hmm? What are they?"

"Ah, some genetics of mine."
My cheeks heat up.
"As it is, my... ehm... saliva... and other... body fluids... are rather acidic. And if our... activities expand... it would be beneficial if you wouldn't get hurt."

She blinks again.
"Really? That's a weird thing to have... why would you adapt into that?"

"Colicoids. They... for some reason, everything about them is acidic. Probably because they have acidic spit to hunt, and in order to eat things like stones and stuff, they need a strong gastric acid. I suppose they have evolved even more acidic fluids so that their bodies can adapt and they don't accidentally dissolve themselves."

"That's weird. And you just left yourself like that?"

"Well, I mean, I didn't have the option to change until recently. I have my godlike powers only since a month, after all. And before, changing my genetics wasn't really an option."

She nods.
"Alright, makes sense."

"So, after years of living like this, I guess I'm just used to it. And really, it was never much of a bother. I just had to get special cutlery, but it's not like I can't afford it."

"But now that you have this ability, what else might you do with it?"

I shrug.
"Not too much, actually. Aside from that misfiring instincts that I changed, and this now... I don't think there is much that really needs adjusting."

"But is there something you'd want to change?"

"I mean... I could change myself back into the human I used to be..."
I look at my hands.
"But at this point, I'm used to being this hybrid freak. It is my body, and I don't feel the want to change it all that much."

She smiles at me, soft and welcoming as ever.
"You're not a freak. You're just a person."

"I'm now..."
I glance away.
"But I think you can only say that because I still look human. If I had more insectoid appearances..."

"You'd still be a person. I would just have a little more trouble."

I sigh.
"I'm just glad my genes are finally stable since my rebirth."

I then arc a brow at her.
"Well, there are still some things that I think would disgust you, coming from my colicoid side. I'm glad there aren't more. It really could've gone differently, and mutated my outward appearance as well as my anatomy."

She tilts her head curiously.
"Really? How would that have affected your ability to converse?"

"Probably quite much. I mean, my mutations were unprecedented, they could have gone any way. I could've lost the ability to speak, for example, if my vocal chords would've been mutated just a bit more. Or my skin could be covered in chitin plating, instead of having it under my skin like it is now."

"I see."
She shrugs.
"I don't think I would've met that Xerath, though."

"Probably not. That Xerath probably wouldn't even have survived that long."

She gifts me with another brilliant smile of hers.
"But I did meet this one. And I think he's perfectly human."

I lean close into her.
"Well, I hope that even future showcases of weirdness won't change that..."

I shake my head.
"After just about a week, you decided that I would be a good potential mate..."

"I...uhh..."
She pauses, red in the face.
"...'mate'...?"

I blink.
"Yes. Mate, partner, lover, husband. Whatever you want to call it. Why, was my choice of word weird?"

"Uhhh..."
Colour continues to rush into her face, tinting even ears.

I look at her curiously and patiently. I don't quite know what makes her blush like that.

Seeing how I await an answer, she tries to find some words.
"Well... mate is a... uhhh... a term typically used from a general biological perspective... So... when two animals have a child, they do it by mating first."

"Ah... right..."
Now I blush as well.
"... was I wrong, though...?"

Her voice is small, as she tries to find something else to focus on that isn't my face.
"...no, and that makes it worse..."

A lot of thoughts flood my brain at this revelation, yet I can only vocalise is a single question.
"...why?"

Now she looks back to me, still embarrassed, but seemingly detached enough to function again.
"Because I try to remove the offending thoughts and I can't because they aren't incorrect enough."

"Ah. Yeah, sounds familiar."
I clear my throat. Enough embarrassment for now.
"Well, anyways... I wanted to get at something else earlier. Namely, I still have this nagging feeling, that I'm not good enough for you, that I don't deserve you, and such. But... but you believe in me. Despite what I told you so far, you supported me without any judgement. Even if I don't always agree with your reasoning. Regardless, the point is, that you know what you want, and I'm tired of feeling insufficient. I'm a god! My love for you is endless. So what if the majority of your academy loves you? There's no chance anyone else would be able to do so much for you as I can, as I do. I... I want to make you proud, Leanna. I want to make sure that you have made the right choice. And I want to think that you did the right choice, too."

She smiles at me, also seemingly relieved with the change in topic.
"Whatever makes you happy."

"Which is you. And... I'm starting to believe that I make you happy, too. That I am not insufficient for you. Though, again, I also dread the day you fully awake your powers..."

She gives the scritch.

"Krrrrrr..."
I glare half-hardheartedly at her.
"You really know how to disrupt my train of thoughts, don't you?"

She blinks innocently at me.
"Is that a bad thing?"

"Not necessarily. It can be beneficial if I'm trapped in a downward spiral... But generally, I'd rather you talk to me, instead of shutting me up like this."

"Well, I'm not really sure how to make you feel better when what you're worried about is the ways I might change when I acquire powers neither of us understand."
She glances down for just a moment, before meeting my gaze again.
"It's... not easy to project even what I need to make assurances about."

"Well, it's not about the ways you will change when you acquire those powers, but how our power dynamic will shift. You might become even more powerful than I... then the argument that 'I'm a god' won't be enough to convince me that I'm good enough for you..."

She blinks.
"Are you... worried about not being much more powerful than me?"

"I suppose... in a way..."

A small breath escapes her lips, before she smiles patiently at me.
"Xerath, I'm not here because I think you're a god. Whether you were just a guy or not, your relative importance isn't very important to me, except insofar as your mental well-being affects others. If this works out, I imagine we'll be finding a large number of creative uses for what you can do, but lacking those isn't a deal breaker - and neither is me also being able to do somewhat related cool stuff as well."

I smile slightly.
"I know it's not a problem for you. It's... more of a problem for me. Maybe... Huh. Maybe the weird colicoid instincts have something to with that, too."

She shrugs softly.
"I don't know about that one. At the very least, I don't think it's terribly out of place among some of the other things you were raised in."

"Yeah. Well, like, when I told you I somehow expect to have to fight off rivals for your affections and such? I think my instincts also tell me that you would like someone that can care and provide for you. And if you become stronger than me, you wouldn't need me around anymore."

"Well, I suppose your instincts aren't the most... civilized things in the world."

I chuckle nervously.
"I suppose they aren't... Well, I mean, not only are they influenced by colicoid DNA, but by feral colicoid DNA..."

"True. I know it won't help them, but I don't appreciate being protected - I appreciate protection. Regardless of source or target."

I nod.
"Yeah... Then I suppose it doesn't exactly help that my main goal is protecting you, specifically, huh?"

She nods, smiling slightly.
"No, it doesn't."

Then she continues with a curious expression.
"Still though - if you find these traits weird, why not write them away? Why keep them if you don't want them?"

"Because it is who I am. If you had the chance, would you want to change things about you?"

She answers without much hesitation.
"Yes."

I blink.
"What? There... are there things you don't like about yourself?"

"Yes, there are."

I look at her disbelievingly, shocked.

"And if there are, why not try to change them?"
She notices my expression.
"I've always wanted to fly, Xerath. I can do it with a wind crystal a bit, or fake it with your help, but it isn't the same as flying under my own power. I want wings, to feel as at home in the sky as I do down here."

I relax.
"I... I don't think that's quite the same."

She suddenly puffs out her cheek in the most adorable little pout I have ever witnessed.
"Or the fact that ever since those stupid corsets I still can't get my stomach to have any definition. For all the exercise I do, I deserve a six-pack."

I blush again.
"Well... it is your body first and foremost, but if you want my opinion? I... uhm... I think I'd prefer you without extensive muscle definition... You are... more hug-able that way..."

She smirks at me somewhat coyly.
"Oh, you like me soft, do you?"

My blush deepens, and I can only nod shyly.

Even though she her sound appears disappointed, she smiles satisfied.
"Well, I suppose I can settle for strength without the aesthetic."

I smile, embarrassed but happy.
"Mhm."

Then, I shake my head, and the blush right off.
"And, well, regarding those wings? If you really wish that, it would be my command. You know you only need to ask, right?"

"Well, there is also the problem that walking around with big wings would be really problematic. They'd be a design challenge to get working - but if you're game, I'd really enjoy working with you on something like that."
Her eyes sparkle in their blues at the prospect.

I smile softly at her.
"Your wish is my desire, Leanna. And, although you are already perfect to my eyes... to imagine you with wings is a picture most divine. It would make it obvious to the people that you truly are an angel."

She smiles brightly, but then softly shakes her head.
"We'll work on it another time, though."

I nod.
"Of course. Whenever you want."

"For now, I'd like to ask why you don't get rid of something you think is bad for you when doing so is a flick of a wrist away."

"It's not necessarily bad, just... weird."
I scratch my cheek.
"And my protectiveness isn't even born out of my mutations, I always was that protective."

I then shrug.
"And besides, instincts are an intricate matter to tamper with. I was only able to easily cut the last misfiring one away because it was so obviously out of place. But all the others I have are a healthy construct. Or, well, as healthy as it can be, anyway."

"Alright. Do what you think is best - but don't worry more than you need to, okay?"

"Also... I suppose it's a similar thing as with my scars, too. It is who I am - a part of me."
I then nod at her, laughing sheepishly.
"Well, worrying is kind of my speciality. I, uhm, always overthought everything and anything. Kory was much more spontaneous, while I always wanted to plan everything at least two steps ahead."

I smile at the memory. That smile quickly fades.
"And it was a good thing I already had that trait, because it ensured that I survived the vicious Sith politics. Though I had to even take it up a notch."

Her expression is as soft and gentle as ever.
"I understand."

"Good..."
I lean into her.
"I feel really lucky to have such an understanding... girlfriend? That is the word, right?"

"Yeah, that's the one."

Warmth. A welcome change from my vision last night.

I snuggle even closer to her, a shiver running down my back at the memory of that cursed place.
"You continue to prove to be so understanding, it makes me feel like it will be alright to tell you all my secrets."

She smiles at me, bright and patient.
"All at your own pace, Xerath. Do it when you're ready."

I nod, my cheek rubbing against her with the motion.
"Of course. I don't want to overload you with too many at the same time, either. Just... I think I'll be ready soon."

I glance at her, eyes shimmering with love.
"I knew from the beginning that I can trust you... but now, you have proven to have earned that trust. I know that with you around... it will be alright."

She kisses my forehead, a euphoric light blooming from the point of contact.
"I'm glad I can make you feel comfortable."

I sigh happily.
"What you do goes far beyond comfortable..."

I then look at her again.
"Speaking of being comfortable... how do you feel now? With us being officially together and all?"

"It seems perfectly alright. I have few problems, and several things I enjoy."

I tilt my head curiously.
"Hmm? What problems? And what do you enjoy?"

"Well, helping you deal with your various traumas is... stressful."

I turn my gaze down.
"Oh. Well, I suppose..."

Then I add quietly.
"...sorry..."

She cups my cheeks, forcing me to look at her again. I am greeted once more by patience and understanding.
"You have nothing to apologize for. These things aren't your fault. If I'm annoyed at anything, it's the things and people that did so much to you."

I was about to say something, but her last sentence prevented me from doing so. Instead, I just smile slightly.
"I... see... But still... if only my mental fortitude were even stronger, I could deal with those things on my own... Instead, I have to stress you now..."

"But just taking the stress yourself isn't healthy. I think that this is a better solution, regardless of how it stresses me."
She smiles at me.
"I have plenty of space for stress. I can take it."

There's still some worry and insecurity within me.
"Are you sure?"

She nods resolutely, not hesitating even a moment.
"Yes."

I can't help but smile at her.
"Alright, then. I'll trust your word. And I'll also do my best to abate you of some of that stress."

"That's the kind of thing friends and family do for you."

"It is?"
I look at her with a slight head-tilt.

She seems a bit confused.
"I mean, yeah?"

"Hmm... I think I can see that, yes. Still though..."
My cheeks tint somewhat.
"There must be something I can do beyond what mere friends and family do to abate your stress, isn't there?"
I gaze at her through half-lidded eyes, love shining brightly with a sprinkle of passion.

She blushes.
"Oh, you have an idea? Speak your mind."

I lean in closer.
"Well, these kisses work quite well for that, don't they? And perhaps... we could expand upon them in the near future?"

"Perhaps."
She leans in herself, and contact.

And as before, my brain short-circuits. But now is not the time to become mush-brained! I just said I wanted to abate Leanna of her stress, so that's what I want to do. I let my emotions seep out and into her. Even if her reception is still muddy, the sentiment comes across and should make her feel better as a result.
My arms snake around her, pulling her close, my touch seemingly invigorating her.

The light surging forth across my chest tells me that we are close.
Oh dear are we close.
And yet, in some crevice of my mind, something tells me that we still aren't close enough. But that voice is vastly overshadowed by the current contentment and pure joy I feel. All my doubts need for now is the fact that she is KISSING. ME. BACK. And oh Force does it feel good. Many times more addictive than spice, and without any drawback - except dependency. And the temporary dysfunction of my logic. But that is a small price to pay for salvation. One I do not mind at all. All I can really focus on is Leanna - how good she feels, how good I feel, and how good I can make her feel.

'...that's it, that's the spot right there Xerath...'

I instantly memorise what exactly I am doing in this moment, and continue doing it.

She catches that quickly, correcting herself.
'...I mean, I was just being encouraging...everything else you're doing is also fine... ...you're doing a great job in general...'

'I see... I am glad to hear that. However, I once heard that in such... private situations, if a woman says that a particular thing feels good, one should stay at doing that thing for the time being...'

'...true, but that goes both ways...'

'I suppose. Though there are inherent differences between men and women...'

'...but that's only during a specific subset of the activities two or more can perform that we aren't in right now...'

'That... is true.'

The kiss slows. She is blushing vibrantly.
I take that as a sign to give her a break. As she catches her breath, I smile radiantly at her.
"You are incredibly gorgeous, you know that? And such a vibrant flush makes you even more adorable."

She looks away, unable to meet my gaze.
"Uhh... ...you're making it worse..."

My smile only brightens in response.
"Well, good. I'm just glad I manage to make you blush like that again. You seemed to become immune against them after a few days around me... which I thought was a shame."

She looks back at me, surprise flashing across her sublime features.
"You... didn't like that?"

I slowly shake my head.
"Not... quite. As I said, I like it when you grow flustered. Or rather, when I make you flustered."

She seems lost, as if not quite knowing what to do with this information.
"...huh..."

I blink.
"Do you not find it enjoyable when you make me blush?"

"Like, a bit, but not really. It means I embarrassed you."
She tilts her head slightly, adorably, in curiosity.
"Do you enjoy it when I embarrass you?"

I nod and shrug at the same time.
"Well, somewhat? Like, sure, I'm embarrassed... but at the same time, it is one expression of my care. After all, if I - or you - wouldn't care, we wouldn't get embarrassed, right?"

"...I suppose."

"And that was what I was afraid of, when you stopped getting embarrassed by my compliments and other attempts to court you."

"...OH."
She pulls me into a hug. DEEP into a hug. And since I was just about to reach up and cup her cheek, her sudden movement results in my arm being awkwardly squished between us.

Right against two very soft things.
So naturally, I blush. While I usually would kill for a chance to have my arm in contact with that part of her, it doesn't change the fact that it is in a very unnatural position right now. If I wouldn't be so happy right now, it might even hurt.

Leanna on her part seems unaware of my physical distress, being more focused on the mental one.
"I didn't realize getting used to your teasing would cause you such distress..."

"I wouldn't even call it teasing, either. Like, what Kara does is teasing, right? She says things with the purpose to embarrass others. But it was never my goal to embarrass you. It was just a... preferable side effect."

"So, flirting. You thought that because I wasn't blushing anymore, I wasn't responding well?"

"Well, yes. I was... constantly telling you my honest feelings, and you just seemed to... get used to it? Especially since you showed embarrassment at it in the beginning, I knew you were the kind of person to get flustered... until you didn't..."
My voice grows a bit smaller at the end.

She kisses me on the cheek in response.

I blink at her, my cheeks tinging.

She smiles brilliantly.
"I'll have you know that I never stopped enjoying you telling me how you felt."

"Really?"

"Yes."

"That's a relief..."
I close my eyes and lean my forehead against hers.
"Then I assume you'll like it when I continue doing so?"

I can hear the bright smile in her voice.
"Of course."

I place a soft kiss on the bridge of her nose.
"I love you, Leanna. You are the light in my life."

She giggles slightly, the sound making bells pale in comparison.

I act faux offended.
"That wasn't supposed to be funny."

She softly shakes her head, her threads of golden silk following the movement.
"It wasn't. I thought it was cute."

I smile at her.
"Then I'm glad. Speaking of cute, your giggle is, too. That was, by the way, one of the first signs I noticed that I was falling for you."

She blinks, surprised.
"It was?"

I nod.
"Mhm. I noticed how much I enjoyed hearing you laugh like that. It sounds so melodic and happy. I love it."

She smiles at me.

"Your smile was the next thing, too. It's so radiant and bright, which made me want to ensure it will become your default expression."

The blush returns to her cheeks. But her eyes glow with life.

I use my un-trapped arm, which I had wrapped around her, to cup her cheek.
"And don't even get me started on how your eyes sparkle. One could easily mistaken them for the finest gems. Though, personally, even gems and crystals don't quite compare."

Snap
A part of the barrier around her grows weaker.

Somewhat startled by the sound, I glance at it.
Bright, golden passion bubbles underneath - not yet able to escape, but it yearns to reach out and touch the world.

"You hold so much love inside you... for everything, really. A wondrous, golden light, that one day will brighten up the world..."
I gaze deeply into her eyes.

"You should know by now that I do not exaggerate. I mean every word exactly as I say it. Thus, when I say that you are perfect, then I mean it exactly as that. I love everything about you, Leanna, and there is not one single thing that I would want to change."
I smile at her, my expression alight with pure, unfiltered love and adoration.

She blushes deeper, but her eyes seem to crinkle with joy.

I lean in for another kiss. At this point, I don't even care if I would dislocate my trapped arm.

She accepts, and my mouth and soul are bathed in fire. Her blush is heating up the world around me. It's warm... warm...
But not scathingly warm like the desert sun, and much more gentle... nourishing.
As before, I try to return the favour, even if only a fraction of it comes through to her.

It is the right temperature. What for?
It is correct. Accurate. The proper temperature.

Never would I have guessed that I would be getting my temperature fix from a lady. Not at all. But now every other temperature seems sorely lacking compared to those produced by Leanna.
And somehow, I get the feeling that this will mark the beginning of a trend. I don't mind it.
Especially after that blasted experience yesterday, her warmth feels so right. I got chilled straight to the bone, and Leanna thaws me up.

Her smell, taste, and sheer presence envelop me, deeper than it ever has.
I feel our souls slide into place with each other, and I for one am experiencing transcendence.
This feeling... there are no words that could come close to describe it. So I don't even try, instead just enjoying this moment as long as I can.
I also get the feeling that not even the word 'perfection' does Leanna quite justice anymore. I mean, if she is already perfect now, what will it be when she becomes even better?
An imagine comes to my mind, of a Leanna with wings, warm as she is and wrapped around me like a blanket.
She will be more divine than I ever could hope to be.
But does it really matter? Right now, I can hardly bring myself to care. There is so much of Leanna to take in.
After all, the feeling of her lips is right there, and it already demands worship.
A god who worships... how interesting. How ironic.
But since she is also a goddess, it should be alright. She is my goddess... my personal angel.

Her light flows like liquid beneath her skin. I need only dip my soul in to touch it.
Then maybe I should just do it.
Entranced by her, I do try it. I reach out tenderly, testing the waters first, so to speak. These are delicate subjects, after all. I dip my toe in the metaphorical water.
Yep, that's Leanna's soul. It's effectively liquid joy, and swarms around my probe with full knowledge of what it is and who it is from. It feels like thousands of kisses are smothering the test - thousands of Leanna's kisses.

I retract, not knowing if I am even able to withstand that much joy.

They let me leave. The memory of that feeling, if it is not topped, will likely remain with me for the rest of my life - but Leanna's particular brand of pleasure has a peculiar property. I don't need more. Not yet. The memory is enough. For now.
And she also has another peculiar property. It will be topped. Every time I thought it couldn't be better, Leanna does make it better.
And the best part is - I can imagine it happening soon. In a few months at most.

Leanna pulls back, breathless.
"I... felt something... strange."

I am flushed from the experience.
"Oh... sorry. That was me."

"What... did you do?"
She seems curious, regaining her breath rather fast.

"Uhm... I reached out my soul to yours. Throughout this kiss, the barrier holding your light in has weakened, and it was so close... I just had to test if I could reach it... and how it would feel."

"So you reached into my soul?"
Leanna blushes deeply.

I hesitate.
"Uuhh... yeah? Should I... not have done that?"

She continues to radiate more heat than a radiator on Hoth.
"...uhhh..."

I just look at her, uncertain but patient.

"...what happened...?"

"It's... hard to put into words... But, if I had to try... it felt, as if the small probe I stretched out received a thousand of your kisses at once. Your soul noticed that there was a probe, and that it was my probe."

"...oh..."
She glances away, embarrassed.
"...sorry if I scared you away..."

I blink.
"What? What do you mean with scaring me away?"

"The feeling...didn't linger long..."

"I suppose it didn't. Well, I didn't want to intrude even more... and quite frankly, I'm not sure if I am ready for such amassed, unfiltered joy."

She is silent.
"..."

I am worried now, which undoubtedly is reflected on my expression.
"Have I done something wrong? Was that feeling uncomfortable for you?"

She softly shakes her head, looking back at me for a moment, then turning to the ground again.
"...not really... ...it's just...it was too much for you..."

"Yes. So?"
I tilt my head, not quite seeing the problem.

She meekly glances up at me, her face still pointed downward, her expression disappointed.
"...I was too much for you..."

I blink, realising her argument.
"For now."

I cup her chin, turning her face to look at me.
"As you know, I'm not used to being happy. Like, at all. And now I have found this enticing goddess of love, and I'm somewhat overwhelmed. But I assure you that it's in all the best ways."

I smile.
"And, just like with the other things, I'm sure that it won't take long until I'm comfortable enough with even that immensely massive joy and affection."

She starts smiling again.
"...Okay. As long as you're okay."

"I'm more than okay, Leanna. Thanks to you, I feel fine. But now the question is, how did this feel for you?"

She ponders my question for a moment.
"...strange. I didn't know what was happening. But it was comfortable."

I release a breath I didn't realise I was holding in a sigh of relief.
"Then I'm glad. I think it won't be long now, then, given the eagerness of your soul."

She blinks curiously, tilting her head adorably.
"Long until what?"

I smile lovingly.
"Until you can say that you love me, too."

She doesn't stop blushing.

I continue to smile lovingly, staring fondly into her glorious eyes.

Eventually, she takes a deep breath, composing herself.

My smile only widens, as her every mannerism seems irresistible to me.

She looks at the sky, most likely to gauge the time. It's a bit later in the morning.

"So, what would you like to do now?"
I lean in again, ignoring my numb arm, and lower my voice.
"Perhaps another kiss?"

She wears a playful smirk on her rosy lips, most likely in an attempt to overplay her equally rosy cheeks.
"I assume that's what you need more than anything else right now. But you are quite needy. Not that I mind."

I smirk as well.
"Well, if you weren't so good at this and so addictive, I wouldn't need so much of you."

Then my smirk melts into a more warm smile.
"But still, I asked what you wanted to do right now."

Likewise, her smile melts into a more shy smile.
"I think that's fine. I wouldn't mind another."

"Well, in that case..."
I trail off as I lean in once more, closing the remaining distance between us.

Light.

The feeling of passion floods across my lips, emanating from hers. It goes without saying that this is so much better than her neck - but also, by different means. She smells and tastes so different here - and yet no less delectable. More so, in fact.

Still, before I can fully loose myself in her embrace and taste, I set out to return the favour and reach out my emotions.

Today... today is bright... so bright...
And yet so perfect... For me, who spent my life in darkness, this light may be bright... but it is not blindingly so. It's... perfect. It's... Leanna.
It's bright in every way that's right.
But as I have seen, not perfect. Not even close to everything she will do when the light breaks free.
Or... is it perfect now, and she will be something even more?
Well, one thing is for sure... I want whatever she's offering. And I make sure to let her know and feel that, as I hold her close to myself.

As if in response, her hands curl down my spine.

My breath hitches at the sensation, and I let my free hand trace a circle on her back, as the arm presses her into me. My grip is both firm and gentle at the same time. Grips tighten all around. My arm presses deeper in. And she continues to either not notice or not care.

There is the nagging feeling of ever wanting more... but for now, this is enough. A state of pure bliss I hold for as long as we can. Which is not that long, since Leanna needs air eventually.

She lets out a breath. The warm air flows over my face, the smell more intoxicating than a vapour cloud on Quesh.

I lean back somewhat, giving her room to breathe. I smile at her lovingly, somewhat flushed.
"You are amazing, Leanna."

She is equally flushed, but smiling happily.
"Whew... and as I said, you're insatiable. I think we should probably stop for now, though."

"Alright."
I loosen my hold on her, taking a step back to free my numb arm.
"And, well, I kind of am insatiable... but what made you say that?"

The colour on her face does not subside.
"Well, upon being given permission to kiss me, you have done so... uhhh... a lot in the past half hour."

I scratch my cheek, as my other harm hangs uselessly to the side.
"Uhm, well... to my defence... your kiss is the best feeling I ever experienced in my life... by far. And I kind of wanted to do that since about half the time I know you..."

She smiles slightly, bemusedly.
"Is that an 'oh no, how is a kiss the best thing ever for you' thing, or a 'You think I am the physical embodiment of love' thing?"

"I'd say a bit of the first, and most of the rest. I really doubt that the kiss of anyone else could compare to you. And I'm not keen on finding out, either."

If her flush was receeding, it was now returning with a vengeance, and she glances away for a moment.
"...I see. So, you want to think about my wings?"

"That would imply I haven't already. I already had a picture in my mind..."
I seem to try to match her facial hue.
"...of how you would seem with them, wrapping around me like a blanket of love..."

"Oh."
She smiles.
"That does sound nice. But I meant designing them."

"Yeah..."
Suddenly, a thought occurs.
"Though I also had an idea. Not quite on your wings, but related."

She arcs a delicate brow in curiosity.
"Oh?"

"Would you like to fly with me?"

She beams like a star. Or does a star shine like Leanna?
"Of course!"

No, I think Leanna is brighter.
I hold out my hand to her.

She grabs it without hesitation, her warmth flowing through the connection.

"Just for your information, I have not utilised full flight yet myself, either."

"Oh, that's fine."

"But it shouldn't be any different from hovering."
I smile at her, as she continues to brush aside my doubts as easily as she breathes.
"Just another thing we share as a first moment, then."

She nods with a smile of her own.
"Sounds good."

"Alright then. Here we go."

I lift us off the ground at a steady and slow pace to begin.

Leanna's legs dangle as she hugs me close.

I deploy a stealth around us already just in case, so that we won't be seen. I hug her close into me as we gain altitude.
As we climb higher, I gain confidence in my control, and I begin to move us around.
We swoop together, among the clouds, and Leanna's laugh rings out, purer and more joyous than any sound I've ever heard.
My own laughter soon joins in. I always liked the wind whipping around my face when travelling at high speeds, and this is even better than riding a spooder bike. And with Leanna in my arms...
Well, I'd need to ride a speeder with her in my arms to compare, but right now... is this what freedom feels like? Just one more proof that I do not need anything but her.

The more time passes, the more air whips in my face, the more confident I grow. And with increased confidence comes increased speed and manoeuvres.
Leanna scoops her hand through a cloud.
I smile lovingly as I watch her. We spin and weave, rolling and ducking across the endless sky. All the while, my enjoyment finds her ears in the form of clear laughter.
She is terribly close, and her hair blows in my face, filling my mind with thoughts of love. And so we soar the skies.

"Leanna, do tell when you want to land again, okay?"

"Of course."

I smile brightly.
"But it seems that time is not yet, is it?"

"Nope."
She smiles brightly and brilliantly at me, most likely making the sun in the sky jealous were it sentient.

And so, we continue to soar among the sky, slowly loosing speed and altitude. Leanna, in her high, most likely doesn't notice it at first.
But after several more minutes, I begin to strain. Constantly changing all the vectors and manipulating air pressure and temperature this way is rather draining.
"Leanna? I think we have to..."

My eyes droop as I'm hit by a wave of fatigue, and we drop in altitude significantly.

"Oh!"
She looks over at me, concern flashing on her face.
"You should've told me much sooner, Xerath! Get us down!"

We fall for a moment, wind whipping past us, before my invisible grasp wraps around us once more, slowing down our descent.
"You... were... so happy... ...Just... needed... to push on... a bit more..."

She strains to be heard over the violent winds.
"Not as much anymore! You were suffering!"

"No, not suffering. Just... exhausted..."

Concern. Great quantities of concern dominate her expression.
"Exhaustion isn't good, Xerath."

We land safely, and as soon as we touch down, I collapse into her arms.
"I'm... used to it... Just... need energy... Need food..."
As if on cue, a loud sound rings out, sounding like a predator on the prowl. It seems to originate... from my stomach.

She smiles softly.
"Let's get you something then."
She lets me lean on her as we walk back to where we were.

I tiredly glance at her from my slouched position.
"You... don't find... that sound... weird...?"

She softly shakes her head.
"It's a sign that you need help."

I look at the ground.
"Food, specifically... But... anyone else... who ever heard it... was afraid..."

She stops walking for a moment to cup my cheek, tracing my jawline with her thumb.
"Why should I fear you, Xerath?"

I flush at the intimate gesture.
"Not me... but that sound... Made them think... predator was about to attack..."

She just continues to smile softly.
"The sound is a sound of you."

"...I suppose... Not many... know it... at first, though..."

"I can be attentive when I try."

I smile slightly at her.
"That you are. And... I suppose... having no animal that makes... a similar sound around... helps in identifying... the problem..."

She lowers me to the ground, as we just reached the clearing.
"Okay, did you bring any food?"

I shake my head.
"I... did not."

Her smile doesn't waver.
"Well, it's good that I thought to bring some."

"Really?"
I look up at her.

She sets up.
"I'll need a bit to cook, but just settle in. It's going to be fine."

My stomach growls loudly again.
"Nngh... Thank you..."

I lay down on the spot, closing my eyes. I don't have the energy to do much else.

She gets a fire going, and starts cooking.
"I'm not the best at this, but I'm sure you don't mind."

"...you know I don't..."
Blast it, why does my voice sound so weak? Okay, for the next time, I need to figure out a more energy conserving method of flight, or have breakfast first. One of the two.
"...and you'll... still be better than me..."

She seems to be able to sense my inner turmoil.
"Shhh..."

"...I mean, because I can't cook... like, at all..."

I receive her soft smile in return.
"It's alright."

"...al...right..."
I trail off as I doze off. Blasted limiter, I burned through too much energy too fast. Now my body needs some rest. Well, might as well turn my focus inwards then, until Leanna has breakfast done.

Just in that moment, I happen to notice Nox focusing his attention somewhere. He's not keeping it hidden from me, so I can see what's going on.

A cloud of red particles appears in the train cabin of my group and Nox's illusions forms.
"Good morning."

He returns to see Amelia pacing. He looks at the group.
"Have you... slept well?"

She turns to him. I can notice the slightest hind of darc circles under her eyes.
"Good... morning."

Kara and Zack stir. Amelia shakes her head.
"I do not think so."

His head droops.
"That is unfortunate. Then my assurances weren't worth much, were they..."

"I agree."
For as emotionless she likes to seem, the way her brow is furrowed in thought and worry is rather obvious.

"Well, I came to report on Leanna's and Xerath's behalves."

"And?"

"And they have a lot to talk about, but Xerath will return."

Her expression lightens.
"I see. Excellent."

"And when he does... well, I have something to tell you all then."

That gets her curious.
"Do you?"

Nox nods.
"I was... thinking... throughout the night. I came to some interesting conclusions. Something that I won't repeat, so I'd prefer it to say it when everyone is gathered."

He looks at her... not unkindly.
"For now, however, you should try to get some more rest. Your worry is no longer necessary."

"I will take that under advisement."

He nods.
"Please do."

He looks around once more, making sure that he hasn't woken Kara and Zack up.
"Then... I will take my leave again. See you later."

As immediate as his arrival was, so is his departure, and he vanishes in a cloud of red particles.

I then feel his focus linger on Kara for a moment, before he turns inwards himself, sinking deeply into thought.

Well, and before I can ask Nox on that, the scent of food - any food - wakes me, and I open my eyes to a plate of simple camp food.
A lot of it.
"Nngh... That... looks good..."

I look up at Leanna.
"Thank you..."

She smiles.
"It's okay, at least. Eat up!"

"And... you were carrying that around... while you ran... for me?"

She nods.
"Yes."

My eyes tear up as I beam up at her.
"I would hug you right now, if I could move."

Concern moves into that soft smile of hers.
"Then don't. Wait until it's better."

"It won't, until I eat something, or rest for several hours."

In response, she simply lifts a skewer to my mouth.

I blink.
"You..."

Then blush.
"You want to feed me?"

"Yes. You can't move, you said so yourself just now."

I nod, then opens my mouth.
"Aaah..."

And the feeding commences. I feel surprisingly vulnerable, but... it's okay. It's just for her. She accepts me.
The entire time, I smile up at her, even though my face is flushed.
"I love you, Leanna. Thank you... for everything."

She smiles as well, turning a bit red herself.

"And... I'm sorry that you have to take care of me like this..."

She softly shakes her head.
"You don't have to apologize."

"But it is my mistake. I could have prevented this - on several levels."

"But that's not what I said. I said you don't need to apologize."

"But why not? If one makes a mistake, is it not custom to apologise?"

She smiles heavenly.
"Because I do not mind."

My cheeks dust some more.
"I see... Just one more reason why I love you so much..."

I weakly reach a hand up to her face.
"And you really wonder how people can fall in love with you? How I could fall in love with you so fast?"

She shyly glances away.
"I don't see how this is a big deal..."

"Well, to me, it certainly is. You are kind, caring, nurturing and accepting. You... you feed me like this... without a second thought or hesitation..."
I beam up at her with glimmering eyes.

In response, she shoves more food into my mouth, shyly trying to cover her embarrassment.

Even though I wanted to say something and was shut up by food, my adoring eyes never leave her. There is no hurry, after all.
As soon as I swallow the mouthful, I speak again.
"You are the one for me, Leanna. I know. And I am incredibly glad to have met you, to have you in my life."

My other arm sluggishly moves to my cheek to scratch it.
"Or, well, the one of two? I mean, you know what I mean, right? At least I hope you do..."

She exhales in bemusement, smiling gently.
"I get it. You're alright."

"Good..."
I lean up for more food.

And it is provided by my local goddess of goodness. And food, it seems.

I chew, being hungry as if starved. At this point, all pretences of grace I hold up while eating are gone.
"I... I hope these eating habits... don't turn you off..."

She shakes her head again.
"Just eat, Xerath. Don't worry."

"...Okay."
Reassured by her, I continue to eat, and as I get some strength back, even more ravenously and ferociously.

She smiles at this, and lets me take over as much of the process as I want.

I like being fed by her... but it's not fast enough for my starving metabolism. And so, I tear into the food, absolutely demolishing everything she has prepared in a very quick time.
Only when I reach the end of the food do I slow down, actually giving some attention to the taste.
It's... okay. Not as bland as ration bars, but it doesn't taste like much, actually. Well, suits me just fine.

I smile at her again.
"Thank you again, Leanna."

She blushes.
"You seemed like you needed it."

And so, I finish the rest of the prepared food.
"I certainly did. Thank you again. But... if I may ask... why do you blush right now? Did I do something embarrassing?"

She shyly glances at me.
"I'm just... no one has thanked me for food and meant it."

I blink, unbelieving.
"Really?"

She nods, both a bit saddened and still embarrassed.
"Yes."

I half stand up in a fluid motion, any grease on my person vanishing, and I plop down next to her, pulling her into a hug.
"That is almost criminal, if you ask me."

"I...if you think so..."
She seems quite flustered.

"Well, first of all, the act of preparing food itself deserves earnest thanks. And second of all, your food isn't bad."
I kiss her cheek and stroke her back.

Warmth blossoms across her.

Then, I smirk at her, eyes twinkling.
"Say, do you want a taste?"

She blinks, confused.
"Of what? You ate it all."

I lean my face in, blushing somewhat.
"But there is still a taste left..."

She adorably tilts her head.
"...where?"

I arc a brow.
"My lips?"

Her eyes widen in realisation.
"You... want a kiss then?"

I sigh.
"I'm trying to subtly ask for a kiss, yes..."

"Alright."
She smiles and leans in, giving me a kiss.
'...didn't really want any food for myself though... ...but...this is fine...'

I hold her close to myself.
'Good. I'm glad.'

Even the shape of her back feels incredible along my hands. Before I can send her another mental message, I am filled by thoughts of her again, and everything mushes over. My hands roam her back again, but staying in the area she kept them earlier.
It feels like warm, wonderful light is washing over me wherever I touch her...
I pull her in even more, unable to get enough.

Eventually, I notice that Leanna is breathing through her nose, and the kiss continues long after she ran out of breath last time. Under the pressure of such love, I can't help but groan. She's just so good...
I'm surrounded by the smell and the taste and the feeling of love. And so, I have to voice my enjoyment, a groan escaping my lips, flowing into her.

She only gives more joy, happy that I am happy.

And so do I, pouring my newly strengthened powers into her, letting her feel a fraction of my bliss through her dulled senses.
"Nngh..."
'Leanna!'

'...you okay...?'

'Better... than ever...!'
I gaze into her eyes, face fully flushed, and with the most happy and adoring expression to date.

Scritches, kisses, back rubs, and the all-seducing light of Leanna.

I feel... overwhelmed, in a good sense. I am happier than I ever hoped I could be. And yet, a slowly rising part of me... still wants more.
I still have to break the kiss, though, else I'd fully succumb to the depths of her light. Or would it be heights?
What did those young spice-heads say...? Higher than a kite? I certainly feel like that right now.
I lean into her, letting her care and cater to me, chittering at her scritches.
"Krrr... I love you... so much, Leanna..."

"This is much better, isn't it?"
She continues to work me into a gooey puddle.

"You are.. simply the best... No language I know... can describe just how much I love you..."

"Do you understand it?"

"Yes. But... there are no words..."

"Can you communicate it to me satisfactorily?"
She draws a circle on my spine.

"I am already trying, by relaying my emotions to you through the Force. But your senses are not attuned to it, so you don't receive most..."

"Will you be able to someday?"

"Probably, if you get more attuned?"

She gives me a small smile.
"Then does it matter if you can't find words?"

"I suppose not in the long run... And yet I want to communicate how massive and encompassing my love for you is, but just... can't."

I gaze at her with glimmering eyes.
"I love you, Leanna. I need you, and I want you."
Like she taught me, my voice is brimming with emotions.

I feel her soul seize, and a smile breaks out across her face, brighter and more touched than any before.
"Xerath, that was so sweet..."
She is blushing violently, but it is clear she is very happy.

In return, I smile brightly as well.
"I'm glad you like it... like me..."

I then reach up to softly stroke her cheek.
"You are so adorable when you blush like that..."

Burning, gorgeous heat ripples across my hand.
"And so, so warm... It's as if you have the right temperature to warm my heart."

I continue to smile at her.
"It's no wonder that you managed to thaw my heart so thoroughly so fast, then."

I can feel my heart beating inside me, as fast as always despite being some kind of constantly molten mush. And she is utterly smoking, as always.
Wait, smoking as in she is so warm, or in smoking because she's so hot?
Yes. Cataclysmically.
Because for the first time, I really notice which part of me is rising to demand more. And that realisation makes me flare up as much as her.
"Uhhh..."

I avert my gaze.

"What is it?"
Her voice is sweet against my ears - maybe not what I need now... but it's so delicious...

"I... uhm... I just... just realised something..."

"Yes?"
She's so innocently curious.

"S-something very... embarrassing... I... uhm... I want you... in more than one sense of the word..."

"Well... you already did..."

"Well, yes, but... I mean, one additional sense... that I wasn't that aware of before..."

"Yes...?"

I look down, ashamed in myself.
"You already give me way more than I ever thought possible, and yet I somehow still want more...? Can't I just be glad I receive what you give?"

"Shhh..."
She scritches, then continues.
"Desire is okay, Xerath. Wanting more is natural."

"Krrrr... Okay... but... still..."

Her presence is soothing as always, managing to put my fears to rest again.
"It's okay, Xerath. Just as long as you don't take things too far before I'm ready."

"I..."
I turn my gaze back up at her, blushing brightly.
"I desire you, Leanna. I... how did Amelia word it? Right... Before... I just thought about having a family with you... but now... I want the process to start a family..."

"Ah..."
She turns as ruby red as... what colour is that? Neon sign? Synthetic kyber crystal? Or straight up a star?

Anyway, I nod.
"Mhm... Hence... my embarrassment... I... I know you're not even nearly ready for this.. and neither am I, I think... and yet... I noticed this desire rising..."

I bury my face in her shoulder, only noting a moment later that was the opposite of what I should've done to cool off, and lean back out again.

"Well... what now...?"

I look back, only glancing at her every now and then.
"Well... uhm... I don't know? I mean, I am able to function normally again, and won't be hungry until lunch, so... We, uhm... we could... spend some more time together... like this... getting used to each other's... touches... and k-kisses... or we could... I don't know... go back to the others? Despite Nox's reassurances, they are quite worried."

I glance down.
"They... they don't really trust him, do they?"

"Not really..."
She sighs, clearly conflicted about this.
"I know he means well, but..."

I offer a continuation of her train of thought, as she trailed off.
"... But the methods he uses are not something you can easily agree with?"

She softly shakes her head.
"No, and he hasn't seemed to have discovered his empathy..."

"Well, it is not surprising, given the nature of his being. Empathy... is not something he is made of, after all."
I brush a hand through her hair.
"You know, I love you guys for the fact that you see me as more than just my powers. In fact, you pretty much ignore them. But Nox... he's not me. He's made completely different than me, or you guys. A lot of concepts just... just don't work on him, I guess."

"I think he'll be able to find something inside him."

I can only shrug.
"Perhaps. But if he does, it will be something new. He... he hasn't locked away emotions like I did. He simply never had them in the first place. And speaking of Nox, as he mentioned there is something he wants to tell everyone, including you. And having talked about him, he is getting impatient."

That seems to draw a raised eyebrow from her.
"Oh? Nox is anxious?"

"I... I'm not sure if he's anxious... but at least he is impatient to speak with you."

"Alright, what does he want to say?"

"Something he wants to tell you all together."

She nods.
"Alright."

I smile slightly.
"Then... do you want to go back? The others are about up as well, and you should probably eat something, too."

I brush her cheek.
"You haven't eaten since dinner, either, have you?"

She nods in agreement, both to my proposal and my question.
"Yes. That's probably best."

"Alright. Then, just more question... You said you wanted to keep our relationship hidden from others... from society... But does that include our friends, too?"

She ponders, clearly uncertain.
"...maybe. Give me some time."

"Alright. So I won't tell them. Though I'm quite sure Kara will be able to deduce it quickly, anyways."

She glances away, probably mentally bracing for the teasing that will hit us.
"Yeah..."

I scratch my cheek.
"I mean, we never really hid our affections very much in the first place..."

She meekly protests, glancing up at me with tinted cheeks.
"But they were explainable..."

"And now they aren't? I told you, and everyone around us from the beginning that I love you, once asked. That was always the reason why I was so affectionate with you."

"So... uhhh..."
She buries her face in her hands.
"It's just..."

I gently stroke her head, brushing through her glorious hair, waiting patiently for her to finish her thoughts.

She takes a breath through her hands and continues, peeking out from them.
"I don't have a reason... I'm just really embarrassed... because then they'll have good reason to..."

Her hands go up to fully cover her face again.
"To believe we've... done things..."

I arc a brow in confusion.
"To believe we have done things... which we have done? But do they not have reason enough to suspect so already?"

"Yeah... but then it would be even worse... I couldn't face that unless it's the truth..."

"But it is the truth, is it not?"
I gently pull her into an embrace.

She burns hotly in my arms.
"It's not... not yet... Not what I mean... we haven't done that..."

I tilt my head.
"But we kissed, didn't we? Is that not what you mean?"

She softly shakes her head.
"Not what I'm talking about..."

I blink, confused.

"It's... uhhhh..."

Once more, I wait patiently, gently holding her in a loving embrace.

"It's, you know... the thing you just found out you wanted. They'd suspect that..."

I blink and tilt my head.
"But... why? We just got together today. Why should we... jump so many steps ahead already? I mean, I know that there are people more... open... about those things... but don't they know we are not like that?"

"They know we spend a great deal of time together away from prying eyes. That's... enough for Kara."

"Well, then maybe she shouldn't let her fantasy run rampant then."

'Though her thoughts are entertaining.'

'Not helpful, Nox.'

She softly shakes her head.
"No, it's just how she likes to be... I just don't want to be the target of it right now..."

I arc a brow.
"Understandable. But if I understand her right, we will be her target anyway. As you said, we do spend a lot of time alone away from prying eyes. What we actually do in that time is a secondary concern. At least for her."

"But given more reason, it will be worse."

"So, what do you suggest? Spending less time together like this?"

"...ugh..."

He shakes his head.
"No. If you have a problem with this habit of hers, you should tell her so."

"But I don't want to take it from her."

"Me neither. But also, I want to be together with you. Openly. At least in front of those we trust..."

"Is it really open if we don't let one of them be herself? One thing I know is... I can deal with mockery if it's based on truth."

"So you rather want to keep yourself locked away? Us?"

She nods slowly.
"Yes... at least for now."

I turn away from her, ending our embrace.
"...Is it really a trusting group if we don't let one of us be themselves...?"

She notices my shift in behaviour rather easily.
"...you're so troubled by doing this? ...oh no..."

"Well, yes. But I also think a step further. Or rather, a person further."
I look back at her.
"You jumped out of a moving train - which was already quite reckless - and ran through a forest on the chance to find me. You convinced me to stay with you, because you want to be with me. That is what you want... right?"

She nods resolutely.
"Yes. Because I didn't want you to leave, to hurt yourself and lock yourself away again, to leave me alone..."

She pauses for a moment to take a breath.
"At the very worst you are a good friend, Xerath, and I didn't want to never see you again."

I take a step back closer to her, gently taking her hands in mine.
"And I will not. I will stay at your side, for as long as you want me to. I am bound to you, after all. I believe that together... we can work out anything. And... I understand why you would want to keep our relationship hidden from the public, why you wouldn't want to openly waltz around like a couple... I get that. But I don't understand why you feel the need to hide it from our friends. Why do you want to hide it from those that trust and support us?"

"Because I don't want people saying things that aren't true more than they have to, even in jest. Especially not about that..."

"So you rather hide yourself? If you have a problem with Kara's teasing, just tell her. I'm sure she'll understand."
I raise her hands and give them a soft kiss.
"And besides. If she makes you uncomfortable, I'd rather continue just travelling with you than with her."

"Yes, my problem is with her teasing, but if I tell her to stop she won't be as happy... but if I don't let you express yourself you won't be happy... and I like her, and think she can help us..."
She blushes as I continue to press my lips into her hands.

"I like her too. But I like you much, much more, Leanna."

Every finger receives a loving kiss.

"I just... want a way to do this that lets everyone be happy..."

"Well, do you know one?"

Her shoulders slump.
"Not right now..."

"Me neither. If we go under the assumption that we telling Kara to stop teasing us will make her unhappy, then I can't see a way to go at this. But the thing is, she's a grown woman. She can handle cutting back the teasing of two easily flustered friends without being insulted, I'm sure. Otherwise..."
I look away.
"... I'm not sure if it would be such a good idea to keep her company..."

"Well... let's think... what would you being unable to display your affection except in total privacy do? We'll start with the answer you can just give, okay?"

"Well... most likely, it would frustrate me, leading me to pent up affection... and me constantly trying to create moments where we can be in privacy. Possibly even going so far to bend reality around us so we can have privacy even in the presence of others."

"So... like we did when walking down the road floating?"

"Sort of. But possibly even more extreme."

She tilts her head slightly, both curious and confused.
"Like... what?"

"Faking interactions, for example. Entire conversations."

She blinks.
"What?"

"Well, imagine us all being in a close room together, like the train cabin. Kara talks to us, but actually only to an illusion, because I'm too busy being affectionate with you."

"Huh..."
She seems to search for words.
"Well then..."

"Does that sound like something you would want?"

At least on this her answer is fast and firm.
"No."

"Yeah. Me neither. That's not the purpose of travelling in a group."
I sigh.

"So... are there ways around that? Even under such a paradigm, there would be... times where we would have only each other..."

I am growing increasingly frustrated by this conversation. I love Leanna and her endless compassion, but not wanting to tell Kara that her teasing is bothering her... You have to draw the line somewhere.
"Yeah, sure. Not feeling the need to hide our lo- relationship from our friends. I mean, it's not like we aren't entirely obvious in the first place or anything."

"Yeah, but that means we get mocked for being in love... not so much... that..."

Mocking? Mocking us for such a stupid reason, even?
"Has the thought occurred to you that maybe it is wrong to mock us for such things in the first place?!"

My eyes widen in realisation.
"I-I'm sorry... I-I... I didn't mean to raise my voice..."

She cups my cheek.
"It's alright. And I did, but I don't think that's true. It's mostly harmless - I'm just... susceptible to it."

I lean into her touch.
"As am I, dear. But regardless, I can handle some friendly teasing. But I will not be mocked. I won't stand it... not again..."

"It'll be alright."
She gestures for us to sit.
"Do you want to talk about it?"

"What is there to talk about? Ever since I was brought to Korriban, I was mocked by just about everyone around me."
I ball my fists.
"I will not accept such a thing to occur again."

"I think that what Kara does isn't the same as that..."

"It isn't. Hence why I think your usage of the word 'mocking' is off."

She nods in understanding.
"Alright."

"What Kara does is teasing. Which I haven't really personally experienced before. Or, at least, I wasn't affected by it. But now I am... which can have detrimental effects... which I also told her."

"Alright, so nothing there is good."
She ponders for a moment.
"So... I could let her go, but..."

"But we both don't want that."

She shakes her head, her cheeks flushing again. Embarrassment or frustration, I'm not sure. Probably a mixture of both.
"I'm... not interested in being told that I'm sleeping with someone I'm not. Even in a joke everyone understands is a joke."

"Then tell her so."
I tilt my head.
"Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, is it not?"

"But that might make her uncomfortable, trying to stifle her normal reactions to things..."

"And what about your reactions, and mine? Do they matter less?"

"No, which is why I want a way around."

"Which would be?"

"I don't know yet! But letting it out is permanent, and keeping a secret is temporary."

I'm somewhat surprised by her sudden raise of her voice. She's growing equally frustrated with this conversation topic, it seems.
"Assuming that we could even keep it secret in the first place. Which I doubt."

She sighs.
"Perhaps not..."

"Well, I mean, the others know quite well how I feel about you. And given how increasingly affectionate you were with me, I'm sure that intelligent people like them have already figured out that us getting together will only be a matter of time."

She bites her lip.
"...maybe..."

"And one thing you should know is that I do not lie. Kara will most likely ask what happened while we were gone, and even if I'm evasive, she will prod, I assume."
I drop her hands, running a hand through my hair and sigh, tilting my head back into my neck.
"Goodness, I still don't quite understand where even the problem lies we discuss..."

"Alright. I'll just take it... it's only teasing, I'll be fine."

I glance at her, while my face is still turned skyward.
"But if you don't like it, you have to tell her."

"I don't, but she won't like not being able to tease."

I shrug, turning fully back to her.
"So what? And you won't like it being teased. Isn't this what you all where on about with setting boundaries and stuff? Why should you have to suffer embarrassment for her amusement? Especially if you don't like it?"

"Because I can handle it. If I can't, that makes me a bad friend."

I tilt my head.
"Oh? Then I'm also a bad friend because I told Kara off? From my perspective, it would more make you a bad friend when you put others in situations they don't want to be in."

She grows flustered, stumbling over her words, then trailing off.
"I-no, I'm..."

After a moment, just before I can voice my growing concern, she continues.
"But I can deal with it... I can do it to make a friend just a bit happier than they would be..."

"But if it comes at the cost of your own happiness, I cannot accept it lightly."
I take a step closer and wrap an arm around her, pressing my lips on the top of her hair.
"I am yours now, Leanna. And that means that your happiness is my highest priority. Thus, if Kara's teasing makes you uncomfortable, I will tell her off, if you won't."

"..."
She's silent for a moment, rigid in my embrace, then takes a deep breath.
"Alright. I can do it. I'll tell her why. Hopefully she won't be too disappointed."

I gently rub her back.
"Though... I can't help but feel that there is more to it... A seemingly so mundane thing is occupying you so much..."

I gaze into her eyes, concerned.
"Is there something... else? A more underlying issue, perhaps?"

She slowly nods.
"I've taken a lot of steps off of my intended path in my life, and most of them aren't ones... certain people like. When I go somewhere I'm not supposed to, some people will say that I could only reach it with help I shouldn't earn."

My hold around her tightens as I listen intently.

"And you're... a bit like the apogee of that - those people will see you, your devotion... they'll see exactly what they want to. I've only been tied down because I've found the ultimate prize - an otherworldy emperor who will grant me anything I desire. Nothing less could stop a lady like myself from laying with whoever is convenient to getting what I want. They see that I have climbed mountains no lady should, and see that as all the proof needed that I am cheating - and that I do not broadcast a man who controls me can only mean I am controlling many men, and through unsavoury means."

My eyes narrow as a charged breath escapes my pressed lips.
"That... is among the greatest stupidity I have ever heard. Everything you have reached, you have done through your own strength."

My eyes narrow dangerously.
"And anyone who slanders your name will face my wrath."

"Beauty and prowess, when they see it together, makes no sense. At the start of my life, I was praised for it - but now it is a way to slander me in court. It is not stupidity, it is a weapon, one of a great list through which pressure is applied to accept an engagement when one arrives. For if I submit, the insults end. And all I'll need to do to avoid them is act out my role for the rest of my life."

"No, it is stupidity. And if that is how your courts work, then they are filled with idiots."
My hairs stand on end as the air around us begins to get charged with static.
"I will not stand anyone that dares to insult you. Beings consumed by greed and jealousy, that cannot grasp the fact you are no one's pawn... are worthless."

My voice drops dangerously low.

She strokes my hair in an effort to calm me.
"And the reason I dislike the teasing that may come is that it echoes those sentiments I rarely heard to my face, but always felt from every smug noble boy that thought he was better than me."

I bristle.
"Inbred incompetency. They couldn't understand perfection even in the very presence of it."

I look at her, my eyes burning with rage.
"Give the word, and they will end."

"Maybe don't. We can deal with this more... calmly."

"I have little patience for incompetent cowards and backstabbing snivels. Even less so when they targeted you of all people. By all accounts, the sword would be too good for them."
A savage sneer crosses my face, my eyes getting a golden glint.

"But killing them wouldn't fix the problem."

"It will when all the filth has been removed."

"I don't want that. Just killing them isn't good enough - it's too similar to their methods. To wipe their kind from existence, we'll need to break their power."

"Or we'll just wipe them from existence."

There's a subtle shift in her voice.
"To show without a shadow of doubt how wrong they are, not with the sword of a man, but by exposing them to what a society can do when it isn't bound by such rules."

"That would require them to possess meaningful intelligence and empathy, both things which they lack."
My arms drop from around her, and I ball my fists.
"Using deplorable methods to use others for their gain and securing their influence... being so self assured of being the 'elite'... they are worthless."

'And then, we'll tear out their powers one by one, until they are left with nothing, and they can either get to work with the people they once looked down on, or they can die, knowing that their way of life is about to end.'

Leanna shakes her head.
'What? What was that?'

I smirk at her, my eyes now completely golden, aglow with power.
'Hmmm... I like that train of thought. Show them how utterly worthless they really are. That they do not deserve anything they have, for they have squandered it.'

'N-no, that wasn't me... it came from within but- but I didn't think that!'

'You should not fear sowing discord on the way to paradise. The old world has created a great many people - and if some should prove unsalvageable, it is not your fault that they must be worked around.'

I blink, my eyes turning back to their normal hazel. I am suddenly concerned. That's not Leanna speaking.
'Wha... Who are you?'

'Who am I? Just a messenger. A voice for the desires she sometimes will hide.'

'You sound like her, but different - darker. You sound like Nox. So I ask again, who and what are you?'

'Light comes in many colours, Xerath, and while the golden yellow is quite pretty, there's nothing wrong... ...with a little bit of red.'

An image of a lady appears in front of us - an illusion in the real world, not even there in the sense of light, but in that I know that is where she would stand, and how. She looks quite similar to Leanna, but her hair is darker, black with red on the inside, and her eyes a piercing red, compared to Leanna's sparkling blue. Yet despite her words, her expression is no less kind, even if her smirk hides righteous anger.
There is anger in her, a lot of it, but it is a very focused kind of anger. A fury directed at those who would deny happiness to others, and the desire to strike at them for what they have done - to her, and to anyone else.
'Good morning.'

I blink, stupefied.
'Uuhm... good morning?'

Then, a fourth voice joins in the mental exchange.
'Why hello there. Who would've thought that little miss perfect here had a dark side to her, after all?'

Leanna is, understandably, flabbergasted.
'What is happening?'

The apparition smiles.
'Well, I wouldn't say I'm a dark side so much as a darker side. And love, you're starting to grow into your light - I think. I woke up a few days ago from a sleep I never entered, and from what I can gather... you'll be hearing from a few others soon enough if you keep going and keep your ears open.'

She ruffles Leanna's hair - kind of. Her hand phases through it. Her eyes are a deep red - a gorgeous, sparkling scarlet with all the life of Leanna's own. And she smiles just as brightly.

Nox appears fully now, too, not wanting to be outdone by this apparition. And both he and I blink at her.
'Huh.'

'Well, that certainly was a twist of events not even I could predict.'
Nox's burning gaze sweeps over the apparition.
'But I don't think it's a bad event.'

'Oh you don't, do you? How fortunate for us.'
Her tone seems a bit more... flirtatious, I'd say. Similar to Kara, in a way.

'Hmm? How so?'
Nox arcs a curious brow.

'If you considered me an intruder, it's likely you would've spent a great deal of effort trying to get me out of her head. Which would be awful. I wouldn't be able to sleep soundly.'

He chuckles.
'I suppose. But I think you are as much an intruder as I am. Which is to say, you aren't.'

The apparation smiles.
'Precisely.'

'Buh?'
Leanna is completely overwhelmed by the current events. But how can her sound and expression of such confusion be this adorable?

'Oh don't you worry dear, we're going to take very good care of you together.'

Nox shrugs.
'Well, minus me. I'm barely tolerated as it is. Taking care of her is more of his thing.'

He throws a thumb at me.

'Oh, I've no doubt of that.'

At the mention of me, I wrap an arm around Leanna.

'And as for you, Xerath, in case you're curious, she and I are the same person, more so than you and Nox are. So we... share feelings, shall we say.'

'Well, then you should know I'm always curious.'

Nox, meanwhile, seems more interested in the apparition than normal Leanna.
'Hmm... interesting. I assume that you are an aspect of her buried power, then?'

'Right in one, though I did say that earlier. An aspect of her she... doesn't voice as often. But now it is voiced, and we are richer for it.'
She stretches.
'Oh, I cannot wait to touch the world myself!'

'Well, since you are not a void like I am, that shouldn't be such a problem. But still, how would it work? If- err, when Leanna awakens her powers and embraces those parts of her, will you vanish, then?'

'I was always here, and will be as long as she is, but I will be separate if and when she is not of anger, which may be often. For when she is angry, we are one and the same in every sense.'

'How interesting.'

'Even if she doesn't embody the depths of anger she can experience, as you see me do now.'

Nox nods.
'Indeed. And I must say, this anger suits you.'

Leanna slowly speaks up.
'It's... so strange. It's like I'm seeing double. My voice is... her's, like a part of me is borrowing it. But it's also mine, I can still speak. It's like we're... sharing.'

I rub her shoulder.
'Yeah. It takes some getting used to.'

'Sharing everything. I can feel what she feels, because it's mine. She can feel what I feel, because it's her's. She's incorporeal, but she can feel how I am right now, hugging you.'

The apparition smiles.
'And it is very nice, let me tell you. I wouldn't mind trading places for a few minutes. Then again, it wouldn't accomplish much.'

I softly glare at the not-Leanna.
'Yeah. I'm not very interested in hugging you.'

Nox's voice is uncharacteristically silent, quiet.
'Though I may be...'

'It's the same to me either way, except he's not exactly embracing the anger I voice. Just us, in entirety, with anger excluded due to me being... separate, at the moment. And yet only partially.'

''Seperate at the moment'... so you will disappear eventually, after all?'

'Yes and no. As I said, I am only a messenger. I voice her anger repressed, so if it is not I am not needed. But repress it again, and I return, as though I was never gone - because I never was.'

Nox's face looks slightly displeased.
'I see.'

'But take note, when not repressed Leanna becomes more like I am now. Or, at least when it is specifically her anger that is not repressed.'

I protectively wrap my arms around my blonde angel.
'Of course, I want her to be able to freely express her emotions... but I'm not sure I want her to embrace her anger like that. No offence...'

'None taken. And you shouldn't be worried - she is as a conduit for all emotions, in every flavour. And no one can be a conduit for all at once. So she will have moods - and I'm sure you've noticed that my anger is far more... pleasant than most. That is because some of what we share are a set of core emotions, which might never be expressed alone.'

'Oh?'

'We share love and joy and wilfulness, and unless these become repressed they will never have their own voices, but be shared by all.'

'I see. How curious.'

Nox chimes in again.
'Curious indeed.'

'So my anger, however destructive, will always be tempered by other things - though against things that wish to restrain it, I can absolutely rage unrestrained.'

Nox smiles slightly.
'I'd love to see that in action one day.'

She smirks.
'I am the version of Leanna who laughs as she is covered in the blood of the wicked, for they are cut down and will never harm another again. It's no wonder you'd be interested in that.'

'Heh. Indeed. But that's only part of it.'

'Oh? Do you have other predilections regarding such things?'

'Well, I wouldn't call it predilections... It's just that I think we are similar, you and I.'
Nox walks around her in measured steps, exuding an air of royalty.
'We both are beings born from dark emotions. We both are beings that are connected to our host, and yet somewhat independent. We both are beings that simply came to be, waking up from a sleep we didn't know we entered. Honestly, I never thought I'd ever meet someone even remotely similar to me, and yet here we are.'

She smiles.
'It truly is a marvel, isn't it?'

He smiles slightly.
'Truly.'

'I should think this might be one of the reasons we were brought together, in fact.'

He laughs.
'Indeed. It can't be ruled out. Even if the Force has no power over me, they can still influence the circumstances surrounding me.'

He then looks at the apparition softly.
'But to think they even accounted for me- for us in this meeting of fate...'

'It is possible. And even if it isn't the case, I think we should make the most of any situation - Regardless of content.'

'Indeed. Adaptability is the key to survival and success. Almost as much as strength is.'
His eyes, that usually burn with the intensity of twin suns, are now shining with an unusual warmth.
'As such, let me ask you something.'

'Ask away, I will hear you.'

'How do you feel, so shortly after your awakening?'

She blinks, caught off guard. She did not expect that question, but doesn't take long to speak.
'Well, I feel much as my other half does - confused, interested, and quite affectionate. Add in a fair bit of well-justified anger for me, though.'

He nods and cups his chin.
'I see. Well, you said yourself it was just a few days ago, so that is to be expected... It was quite similar for me. Only that I wasn't able to do what you already showcase being able to do so shortly after reaching consciousness.'

He shakes his head.
'Regardless, the point I'm trying to make is that I can feel your ego - or at least the beginning of one. You said yourself that you are more or less the same as Leanna. But the thing is, you don't have to stay that way. Like me, you could be your own person... I think.'

'Perhaps I could. I could be many things.'
She smirks.
'But you wanting me to be my own person... wouldn't be for any personal motives, would it Nox?'

I can feel that he is thankful for his scarlet skin, because it would mask the blush on his cheeks he'd have, if he had a real body. Instead, he just scratches his cheek.
'Uhm... I'm... not sure... what you're on about... mean, I suppose it would be nice to finally have someone around that actually understands me, and doesn't feel the need to constantly judge me.'
He pointedly glances at Leanna.

'I suppose that we have not been the most friendly towards you. But as I am now, I understand you no better than she does - which is better than a few hours ago, I suppose.'

He looks back to the apparition.
'No, they weren't. Though I expected it. I always knew people would view me as a villain if they ever learned about my existence. They merely proved that. Maybe you don't know me better as Leanna does, but you know the anger I feel better than she does. Than the others do.'

'Perhaps.'
She nods slowly.
'But if ever I am not around, she will too.'

He nods as well.
'Probably.'

I chime in.
'Though I would personally prefer if it wouldn't come to that.'

Nox nods along.
'Me neither.'

'I see. Well, unless you have further desire to speak, I need not. I have spoken Leanna's anger. That is enough for now.'

Nox reaches out a hand, but stops himself halfway through.
'Well... alright...'

She half smirks, half smiles at him.
'You seem hesitant. Do you wish to speak to me more?'

He looks away.
'I... would not be opposed to that...'

'How would you wish to? Here, or away from these two, so we wouldn't distract them?'

He nods.
'The second one. They still have their own things to discuss.'
He folds his hands and fidgets with them.

'Come then. We will find a place.'

She takes one of his hands.
'Lead the way.'

He blinks.
'Oh. Uhm... Sure. But... so far, you are 'only' a projection directly into Xerath's mind. Then... where to go?'

'Inside? Away from their vision, so the target of my projection is you specifically?'

'Ah, yes. That works.'
He turns away.
'And you better be grateful. No one aside from Xerath has ever seen my corner in his mind - my core.'

There is a bemused smile on her red lips.
'Of course I shall.'

And so, he leads her forth, into the deep, dark recluse of my mind, into Nox's sanctum, their presence vanishing around Leanna and me.

"Well... that was interesting..."

I blink, still holding Leanna.
"That... it certainly was."

I look at her.
"How do you feel, dear?"
I reach up a hand to cup her cheek, lovingly brushing a thumb over her skin.

"Weirded out, but otherwise okay."

"Yeah... something like this is quite the shock. But I think that you at least have it easier than I had it back when Nox appeared..."
I trail off as I get lost in memories.

"What happened then?"

"Well, I thought I was going insane, hearing a voice inside my head and all. Something like this wasn't exactly precedented, and I had nobody to talk to about this. I just felt this growing presence at the back of my head, until he was fully aware and reached out to me."
I look down for a moment.
"But for a long time, I wondered if I was actually going insane."

"But you weren't."
She smiles at me.

I then look back up at her again, with a smile.
"No, I wasn't. And that's why I hope that you, knowing you are not alone with this, don't feel like you're going insane, too."

She nods.
"I'm just worried about how you might feel that Nox is angling for a date with part of me."

I blink.
"You could tell?"

"Yes. He was... very awkward, the way he is around Kara - except even more, since she hasn't made him angry at any point."

"Heh. I suppose that's one way to put it. But the thing is, he doesn't want a date. Or, at least, he doesn't realise it yet."

"Indeed. I do wonder when he'll figure it out. But you aren't perturbed by this?"
She regards me with curiosity.

I tilt my head.
"Well, should I be?"

She smiles slightly.
"You're a jealous person, Xerath."

"After all, from my point of view, this part of you is just like Nox - even if it's only at the beginning. This part has the potential to be it's own person, if both you and her are okay with that. And if that will be the case, I wouldn't see any issue. Or, at least that's Nox's and my current hypothesis. Your power is alien enough that we can't be fully sure."

"Okay..."
She shakes her head, focusing on something else.
"Well, one other thing that's weird is that more are expected."

"Hmm... She said she was the messenger of your repressed anger, right? Then if others are expected, that would mean that you repress other emotions as well, right?"

"At least to some extent. So... would all of them potentially become people?"

"No, not at all. As she said as well, if you embrace those emotions - in her case anger - then she will vanish."
I scratch my cheek.
"Which is why I said I wouldn't want her to vanish, because that would mean you would embrace that anger... And also, I think that for them to become people, it would require some intervention on our part. And if that would be even feasible depends on how strong those repressed emotions are. You are an incredibly selfless person, so I would've assumed that if you can even feel anger to such capacities, it would be the strongest of your repressed emotions. Now, this is just a guess, based on what little you have told me about your past yet... but I would anticipate that maybe love and.. and l-lust... are also two of those repressed emotions... since you feel the need to hide them."

She sputters.
"Y-you do?!"

"Well... unless you don't feel them at all? Or what else can you think of that you repress?"

"I... don't know. But love... you really think I restrain myself there?"

"Well, not in the sense of you loving the world and every being in it. But you are rather guarded in giving out your personal love, I think."
I tilt my head.
"Or am I wrong?"

"I suppose..."

"You suppose I'm wrong?"
I blink again.

"No, that I am a bit restrained... but after all I am doing for you, you think I'm guarded?"

"Well, yes. There is still much you keep to yourself. Things I assume you're not yet comfortable doing with me or talking about with me. But it is to be expected, I think. You said it yourself, that you wanted to test if you can love me, and that is why you agreed to be together with me."

"There are things I haven't told you, yes... but is that guarded, or just based on the fact that I haven't known you for very long?"

"Is it not the same? Most people are automatically guarded around those they don't know well, or long."

"Yes. But that's normal, isn't it? I don't think that's repression at all."

"Indeed. That part maybe not. But what about you desperately wanting to hide our relationship, even from our friends? I think that is very much repression."

She glances away.
"I want that for other reasons."

"Well... I don't think the reasons why one represses emotions is less relevant than the fact that they do. Unless you mean to say you don't repress your love?"

"I think that maybe I could express it more, but I wouldn't consider it repressed."

"Hmm. I see. Well, maybe it will come out then, or maybe not. And if it does, it would most likely be weaker, unlike your anger."

She nods in agreement.
"Probably."

I hug her close.
"And for the meantime, just don't worry too much. I'm sure things will work out naturally. And don't feel pressured with anything."

I place a soft kiss on her forehead.
"I love you, Leanna, and I appreciate everything you do for me."

She smiles, and pulls my mouth down, laying into a complete kiss.

I happily comply.
As usual, brightly burning light of love and joy surges across me. And as previously, I try my best to give her a taste of that feeling as well, letting my powers envelop her in a blanket of adoration and happiness.
I hug her closely, focusing as much as I can to make her feel as good as she does for me.
She tastes so good, she smells so good, she feels so good she is so good.
And as I work, I am rewarded as her kiss becomes slightly more forceful, as she tries to dip deeper into it.

I am careful not to overextend my powers, but I still have quite the room to increase my efforts. And if she wants more, who am I to refuse my queen- my goddess?

The careful, loving pressure surrounds me, and fixes itself on the point of her lips. It's right there... and it's soo good... I want more of it... I need more of it... of her.
And so I press even closer to her, my lips becoming more assertive as well.

And so a little battle breaks out, with two people on one side and none on the other, both trying to claim more joy for themselves and their partner.
I feel the flowing power of love just beneath Leanna's skin, stroking against me with how close I'm pressing.

Huh... maybe I was wrong, and she doesn't repress her love after all?
But there is no time for such idle thoughts, as all of my focus gets eaten up by Leanna.
My arms wrap around her tightly, roaming her upper back, at some point also trying to slip lower.

No dice there. Her own hand moves it back, then returns to my face.

Well, any disappointment I may have felt is quickly melting away under the sheer pleasure of our kiss.

A finger trails down my back. A thumb caresses my cheek. Lips...

Once more, a groan escapes me. Has she really never done this before today? How can she be this good?
But my hands are not permitted to go lower, so instead one goes higher, brushing through her hair and lovingly holding the back of her head, pulling her ever closer.
The silky smooth substance flows over my hand, feeling as though it is caressing me as much as I am brushing it.
My love for her envelops her ever more, for every new sensation I experience just only deepens my devotion to her.

She sighs lightly, the puff of air passing across my lips as she grows warmer, the heat worming easily across the gap and into me.

Is that an opening to deepen the kiss? But we only just started dating today... I wouldn't want to rush her.
Instead, I pull back, letting her take a breath as I smile at her with flushed cheeks.

She looks up at me with twinkling eyes, smiling and flustered as her warmth and sheer presence cascades over me in waves.
"Thank you for loving me. It really is wonderful..."

I nuzzle my nose against hers.
"Funny. I wanted to say the same. Because, you know, I only try to let you feel as good as you make me. On that note, was your first kiss really today? I can hardly believe that someone new to it would be that incredible."

I smile lovingly.
"Or perhaps this is just another part of you being the living incarnation of love?"

"Yes. You're my first. I imagine I'll get better with time."
She shyly glances away, twirling a lock of hair between her fingers.
"I'm kind of... unskilled."

I blink.
"Unskilled? Dear, that is not a word I would use. Your kiss feels like paradise. And if you'll get even better... I shudder at the puddy I will be in your hands."

She blinks as well.
"So, kisses aren't normally that good?"

I can only shrug.
"I have no idea, I don't have any experience either. But judging that I am a god that actively tries to make you feel as good as possible, and you are a goddess in the making, with your powers bleeding out unconsciously... I'd say that no, they usually aren't."

"Okay then."
She nods with a smile.
"Well, thank you."

I glance at her shyly.
"So... you like it?"

She positively beams at me.
"Yes, I do."

I smile in response.
"I'm glad... Although... I'm a bit curious..."

She arcs a delicate brow.
"About what?"

"Well... is there a reason you refuse for my arms to travel to your lower back, dear?"

Colour returns to her cheek as she blushes.
"Because below my back is my... my posterior, and touching that is rude..."

I tilt my head.
"But you were fine with that back at the festival, when we danced?"

"As long as you're only going there, it's fine. I didn't feel like that was what you were doing, though. I felt like you were utterly lost in the sauce and trying to do everything at once."

I blink, as I imagine drowning in a large pot of sauce.
"Lost in what sauce?"

"Out of it, too busy enjoying things to think."

"Ah. Yes. Well... I... can't exactly deny that. But even so, I try to be as respectful to you as I can be."
My face heats up as well.
"And... would it be really rude if I would touch your... your posterior...? I mean, we are together now, aren't we? So isn't that something that couples do?"

She glances at me over burning cheeks.
"Couples deeper into being couples than we are..."

"I see. So... it is one of the things you'd have to be more comfortable for? I see... I will consider your... ahem... lowest backside on the same level as my neck, then. That should prevent me from touching it."

She smiles softly.
"It's not that bad... but yes, please don't yet."

I nod.
"Of course, my love."

Her smile grows.
"Thank you."

Still, I have to make sure of something.
"But... your lower back would be alright, then?"

She nods.
"Yes. As long as you stay there."

I put an arm around her lower back and smile charmingly at her.
"I promise."

She smiles. Resting my arms on her lower back feels... so right.

"This... How does it feel for you?"

"It feels nice. Comfortable."
She rubs a thumb against my cheek.

I lean into her touch.
"Great. Because, it feels the same for me, too. Except stronger. It feels... right. Almost as if this is how they are supposed to rest."

"Well, I suppose it's good that I let you."
She smiles at me bemusedly and happy.

I smile as well.
"Indeed. But with you, I have seemingly lots of moments like these, that feel to me as if they are supposed to be like this."

She blinks, arching a brow.
"You do?"

I nod.
"Mhm. Like, when we slept together, with you in my arms, back at the lake in Embermyst. That was another moment like that, where it just felt so incredibly right."

"Hmm..."
She runs another finger down my back, humming melodically in thought.

I shiver pleasantly at the sensation. My back is still a sensitive area, but with her... it feels nice.
"I know I repeat myself, but I love you so much, Leanna. And I'm so incredibly glad to have you, that you decided to be with me."

I pull her close, resting my head on her shoulder.
"You make everything feel worth it."

She kisses my cheek.
"That's beautiful, Xerath."

I gaze at her with love and adoration.
"And so are you."

She giggles happily.

I smile, happy that I made her laugh like that again.
"I used that opportunity well, didn't I?"

She smiles brightly, mirth shining in her eyes.
"You did indeed. And I'm glad."

I smile softly.
"Me too. You react much better to being told you're beautiful than the first time."

She giggles again.
"Maybe I did. Though there are still some places you can't touch, let it not be said that you don't get perks for being my boyfriend."

I chuckle.
"Well, I wouldn't dare to say that. After all, these kisses are very, very large perk from the start. Never mind to being able to spend so much time together with you. After all, just being around you makes me feel more at ease. And holding you like this... only increases that feeling."

Her brow creases, furrowed with worry.
"And ease is the... only thing you feel?"

I shake my head.
"Oh, far from it. But, I think you understand that for me, feeling 'at ease' is already quite the achievement."

"I can imagine. But... that ease isn't hurting you now, is it?"
She is worried, but hopeful. Is what she's doing working?

"Oh no, not at all. I like this feeling very much. I like having you around."
I scratch my cheek.
"It gets to the point that I don't even want to be without you..."

"Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Well, that depends on your willingness to stay with me, I suppose. But, the bottom line is, that I want to have you around me for as long as somehow possible. Basically all the time. And... well... if that is a good or bad thing... kind of depends on you... I guess..."

She's still worried about me.
"And you're comfortable with that?"

"Well, I'm comfortable with you around, so, yes?"
I scratch my cheek again.
"Shouldn't I?"

"Well... needing someone isn't always something that people think is good."

"True. But... I think... depending on you... isn't too bad. And, well, at this point, I really need you, because I doubt I could go back to the way I was before... even if I wanted to. Though even then, I don't mind... because it's you. And you are worth it."

She smiles again.
"Alright. That's good enough for me. Just tell me if you're ever not okay, as we already talked about."

I nod.
"I will. And I think you noticed that I don't hold back with my opinion, either. Like with our discussion, earlier."

I glance down. Truly not my best moment.
"Though now that my anger has dissipated again, I'm afraid if I was too assertive...?"

She softly shakes her head.
"I think that it was a bit uncalled for, but it's alright. Do you think you could hold back a bit, and try to understand a bit more? I'm willing to listen to you, so you don't need to be assertive to not be pushed over."

She smiles gently.
"Not with me."

I squeeze her a bit.
"Thank you... Okay. So, I can try to listen to your point more. It just... it just made me a bit angry, I suppose."

She plants a kiss on my forehead.
"You'll be alright. Why did it make you angry, though?"

"Because it seemed like you didn't value yourself enough. Like, you wanted to cut your own comfort in order to accommodate Kara's habit of teasing. And... I guess I have trouble understanding that, because your comfort and happiness are my highest priority."

"I see."
She smiles.

That's it? Nothing more?
I blink at her.

Seemingly able to sense my confusion, she elaborates.
"I understand that. And it makes me happier."

"It does? You do?"

She nods, not breaking her smile.
"I do."

"I see... But... yeah. I believe that if there is something about someone else's behaviour that you don't like, especially when it's directed at you, then it is your right to say that and point it out."

She nods.
"Makes sense."

"After all, for Kara it's just harmless fun, but for you, there is a deeper, underlying issue. And I'm sure that she will understand it when you explain that. Or even if you don't, and just tell her to not tease you that much, she should comply, because it makes you uncomfortable and you don't want it. That should be reason enough."
I rub her lower back.
"And it does not make you a bad friend at all, I think. In my opinion, a friend should be accepting of their friends, and if there is something that makes that friend uncomfortable, then they should stop doing that if possible. Because if they know that there is a thing that makes you uncomfortable, and they continue doing that just to make you even more uncomfortable... I think that would be a bad friend."

She nods again.
"Yes."

I scratch my head. She lost me now.
"Soo... if you agree with this assessment... then what was your original point against it?"#

"That by keeping it a secret, Kara wouldn't know and I would bear it, allowing her to have fun without being a bad friend."

"But... I mean, she teases us about this already, doesn't she? So, where would be the difference?"

Colour pronounces her cheeks once more.
"That she wouldn't be permitted to tease about... that..."

I tilt my head.
"But... she already did?"

I sigh.
"I'm sorry, but I don't quite get it. Could you elaborate a bit more, please?"

"Okay. With you becoming my partner, I decided to include you in the decision-making process."

I nod.
"That is appreciated. But also logical. After all, this relationship concerns both of us."

"So, with the increased risk of this sort of thing, and your involvement in it, I had this discussion with you. Because I was speculating about keeping our relationship a secret to continue having lowered frequency of teasing of that nature."

"I see..."
I cup my chin.
"I think I understand your point now. However, I don't quite agree with it."

I hold up the index finger I just brought to my chin.
"First of all, I am not someone that is used to teasing like that. At all. It literally never happened before, or if it did, I didn't notice it as such. Because of that, I already told Kara quite quickly that I'd appreciate it if she could tone it down, because it is detrimental to my mental health."

I raise a second finger.
"Second, I doubt we could even keep our relationship a secret, because A, they will most likely ask what happened when we get back, and I imagine especially Kara will prod until given a satisfactory answer. And B, because we are not exactly subtle in our affections. Especially not me."

A third finger comes up.
"And last but not least, I don't like the idea of keeping our relationship secret in the first place. I understand it that you don't want to flaunt it in public, with the risk of your parents finding out and all that, so that's okay. But I don't like the idea of hiding how I- how we feel about each other in a group we are supposed to trust."

She runs a hand through my hair.
"Sounds like you spent a lot of time thinking about this over a very short time."

I shrug.
"A side effect of having a hyper-active mind. I think thrice as fast as normal people, after all. Maybe even a bit more."

She regards me with curiosity.
"Sounds interesting, and challenging."

I nod.
"Yeah. I have about three different strings of thought at any given time, though I mostly keep the third one in reserve for casting. Though even so, my mutation made my brain more effective than it was before as well, even if there are sometimes some... uhh.. some shenanigans. So, while a normal person thinks about one thing, I think between two and four."

I look softly at her.
"And recently, most of those thoughts has been you."

"I figured, based on other things you've told me."
Even so, she is red.

I brush a thumb over her cheek.
"Your blush is so adorable."

She smiles slightly, and blushes more.

I smile as well.
"And your smile is so radiant, too."

Then I clear my throat.
"Ahem. But I think we digress. Do you have anything else to say to my assessment from before?"

"Well, I think it makes sense. Like I said, I am going to talk to Kara. But I do think that secrecy would've served us somewhat. Even if it wasn't the best solution once I had all the information."

"So, you agree now that we don't have to hide it- hide us from our friends?"

She nods.
"I think that it is best."

I pull her closer once more.
"Splendid."

Then I nuzzle her cheek.
"You know, I love it when we can agree on something."

She smiles at that.
"It's much, much better than the alternative."

"Indeed. I'd hate it to argue with you. Nothing good ever comes from disputes."

"Some things do. Like this: we'd have never come to this if we didn't air our disagreement."

"Well, yeah, but we discussed it in a normal manner. We didn't have a quarrel over it. That's what I meant, sorry if that was unclear. Like, we didn't fight, did we?"

"I mean, we did have a dispute, but we didn't fight. That's the way it should be."

"Exactly."
I just hug her closer to me, basking in her warmth.
"I feel really lucky to have you, Leanna."

"Krrrrrrrkrrrrr..."
I lean my head on her shoulder, dreamily gazing up at the side of her face.
"Soo... what should we do now?"

"Well, we should get back to the train soon, I think."

"Yeah, it would make sense. Should we go back now, then? Or would you like to rest around here for a bit more?"

"I think we can go back now."

"Alright. Then let's do that, once Ceru is back. I heard Amelia was quite worried."

She glances down for a moment, then looks back up.
"Yes."

"Poi!"
Suddenly, Ceru pops out of the undergrowth and hops over.

He closes the distance in a series of nimble jumps, sounding excited.
"Poi! Poi poi!"

"Ceru!"
I haven't seen the little guy in a while, I'm glad he's still well.

As he draws nearer, he doesn't slow down at all. Instead, with one last, large bounce, he barrels straight against my chest.
"Poi!"

I whip my arms up, cradling him to stabilize our posture.
"Ceru! Where have you been, my small blue friend?"

"Poi! Poi poi poi, poi. Poi poi, poi!"
First, he grins at me, then looks between Leanna and me, then to the forest, and then back to me, grinning again.

"So, you left Leanna and me alone because you knew we had a lot to discuss, explored the forest, and came back now since we finished our business up?"

The cool ball of gelatinous magic grins and nods at me.
"Poi!"

Then, he nuzzles against me.
"Poi. Poi..."

I pat his smooth... head?
"I'm sorry I worried you, Ceru. And yes, I'm also glad to be going back. Also, thanks for accompanying Leanna on her quest to find me."

He squirms in my grasp, as if he'd want to hop a bit, appearing bigger than he is.
"Poi! Poi poi."

Leanna giggles.
"Yes, I'm also very thankful for keeping me save, dread pirate Cerazu."

He grins.
"Poi!"

I smile at the two of them.
"Alright then, let's go back to the others. We've worried them enough already."

"Yes, let's."

"Poi!"

I take a step back, holding Ceru in one hand, and using the other to hold Leanna's hand, and together we vanish in a cloud of purple particles. I make sure to teleport all of her cooking equipment and our other camping stuff with us, placing them back in their previous places. When we leave, there is no trace of us having spent the night there.

---

A/N.: Where above I apologized, I'd now like to thank you for your continued interest in this project of mine. And I've now got a few questions for you, who are still reading. First up, any thoughts on Red Leanna so far? Was her appearance a surprise for you? I know she was for me. And beyond that, there were quite some things covered in today's chapter. I'd love to hear some feedback to all of it, as always.
Next, speaking of Red Leanna, my friend and I also developed her separate interactions with Nox. Would you guys be interested in reading them? And if so, how? So far, I've covered Nox through the lens of Xerath, given the story is through his perspective. But that'd be difficult once things happen with Nox that he's not relaying to Xerath. So, options I thought about would include sort of side stories focusing on that, maybe at the end or beginning of a chapter. Alternatively, I could include them as mid-chapter breaks where they happen. Or perhaps you guys have some idea. Either way, I'd love to hear from you.

And last but not least, I started writing my own original project. A sci-fi love story between an interstellar marine and an alien. May sound like James Cameron's Avatar, when you break it down like this, I realize, but I'm not quite going for the same angle. It's still very early in development, I just got 4 pages done, but there are ideas for more than a book. Who knows, maybe I can publish it one day. ^^
Anyhow, if you'd be interested in reading that, too, let me know. I'll look into finding a way to share it, or at the very least let you know the progress.

That's enough from me now, I think. Thank you again for reading, and I hope I'll catch you all next time. And as always, I'd love to hear from you, but until then, stay safe out there. Peace.