The trees were blushing with color when my second year of Hogwarts began. I stood on the platform with my luggage, Soren already well on his way back to the castle. Mum and Naomi stood talking to Lily's parents, who had arrived just moments before. She was chatting excitedly with Severus, who stood a few feet from a very sour looking witch. His father was nowhere to be seen.

I watched Lily and Severus speak. They looked so happy to see each other, so validated in each other's company. I could only imagine what kind of summers they had had; Lily had gushed in her letters about her family's excursions abroad and how much fun she had. Even her rotten sister Petunia seemed to have enjoyed herself. She stood by herself, arms crossed, trying to look angry, but her curiosity and envy was plain to see as she gaped at the Hogwarts Express in all its grandeur.

Lily finally seemed to notice me. Her green eyes lit up as she weaved her way through the throng of students and parents, crushing me in a hug. "Amber!"

I hugged her back, relieved to see my friend, but unable to tell her how sad I was to see her sister alive and well, when one of mine was gone.

It was all I could think about, how it was my fault, how I could have so easily prevented it. And I couldn't tell anyone. Even Lily, who loved her horrible sister, would never speak to me again.

Lily pulled back, searching my face. "I'm so sorry about your sister, Amber."

A fresh pang of grief stabbed me, but I forced a smile. "Thanks, Lily. It's been… tough."

Lily rubbed her arm, looking distressed. "I can't even imagine life without Tuney… I know she can be a real mean sport, but she means well. I know she does."

I watched Petunia's awed expression as she walked slowly along the length of the train that would take us back to school. "I think she's just jealous that she's not going."

Lily sighed. "I know. She even sent a letter to Dumbledore last year, asking him to take her in. She really wanted to come with me." Her eyes clouded. "I guess not everyone can go."

I thought of Virginia, and tried to shut out the image of her face. "I know."

Lily grabbed my wrist, pulling me over to Severus. The pale boy's hair had grown even longer over the summer. It was black and greasy as ever. His thin lips pressed into a disapproving line as Lily towed me over.

"Sev, Amber is going to sit with us again this year." Lily decided, face glowing. "We have a lot to catch up on."

"Oh, goody." Severus muttered, looking blackly at me.

I felt a nudge under my left arm. Naomi peeked up at me with her great green eyes. "Mum says it's time to go."

I frowned. "The train doesn't leave for another fifteen minutes. We've got lots of time."

Naomi shrugged. "She says she wants to leave before the rest of the crowd does." She stared at Lily, and then Severus. "Are you guys her friends?"

"Yes." Lily said at the same time that Severus said, "No."

I couldn't help the snort of laughter. Severus looked like a wet cat.

Naomi looked confused.

"I am, love." Lily said warmly. "You must be Naomi."

My youngest sister's mouth dropped open. "How did you know?"

"Amber tells me a lot. And that includes you!" Lily winked at her.

Naomi looked thrilled to be the center of attention. "Really?!"

Lily pulled a chocolate frog out from behind Naomi's ear. She squealed, snatching it from her hand. "Thank you! That was so cool!"

Lily smiled. "You're so lucky, Amber. I wish I had a little sister."

I thought of my two younger sisters. Virginia was gone, but I couldn't forget her. Not even if I tried. "I guess."

Lily tugged on Naomi's braid. "You'd better get back to your mum, little duck. Don't keep her waiting."

Naomi flung her arms around Lily's waist, and then mine. "I love you, Amber!" She squeaked as she tore through the crowd. I watched her find Mum, who gathered her close like a mother hen with her chick. She didn't glance at me as she took my remaining sister and walked away.

"You're so lucky." Lily sighed. When I didn't respond, she asked, "Is everything alright, Amber?"

I shook my head to clear it. "Yeah. I will be."

Lily gave me a wistful smile. "We're going back to Hogwarts. We're second years, now."
The thought of no longer being a crummy little first year filled me with some excitement. "I did grow a few inches this summer."

Lily laughed, running back to hug her family quickly. I averted my gaze.

The train gave a warning whistle. Steam shot in a high white cloud into the rafters of King's Cross Station. Lily hurried to climb aboard with me. Severus followed her like a silent puppy.

"I think you're the only friend he has." I muttered as he turned to wave to his sour-looking mother, who was already leaving the station without a backwards glance at her son.

Lily looked sad. "You're his friend, too."

When Severus turned back towards us and caught my gaze, his black eyes narrowed into angry slits.

"I don't think so." I mumbled as we made our way down the narrow aisles of the train. It was bustling with students, chattering excitedly, all of them still in their Muggle clothes.

"I hope the trolley comes through soon." Lily said hopefully as she chose an empty compartment. "I'd love a chocolate frog."

Severus sat down beside her before I could. I stowed my suitcase above the seats, wondering if I would have had to do this for Virginia if she had been here. If she had been alive.

I shut my eyes, trying to block out the rising guilt and pain. She's not here. She's in a better place. Even if it is my fault that she isn't here in the first place.

"You okay?" Lily said, sounding concerned. "Are you feeling sick?"

"I'm fine." I lied, swallowing hard to fight the lump forming in my throat.

Lily didn't look convinced.

"Hey! There you are!" Angelina Azadian breezed into the compartment. Severus looked like a wet cat who had just clawed his way out of a lake.

"Angelina!" Lily beamed. "It's great to see you! Did you have a good summer?"

Angelina carefully eased herself down beside me, brushing her long raven-colored hair over her shoulder. Her tan skin was even darker, touched by the sun. "I went to see my relatives in Israel. My grandparents live there."

Naomi had spent the better part of the summer with my own grandparents in Inverness. Because the grief and chaos at home was too much to expose her too.

Stop. I bit my lip hard, so that I left indents of my front teeth on the soft ridge. Stop thinking about what happened. You're on your way to school now. Put that aside.

Lily and Angelina's voices blended together into a soprano garble. Severus looked miserable. I could see where he got his looks from. He was the spitting male image of his bitter mother.

"So, Amber!" Angelina said brightly, my name catching my attention. "What did you do this summer?"

Lily's eyes widened. She looked alarmed.

The summer I had been trying so hard to forget came surging back full-forth, front and center. I swallowed hard. "I spent the summer at home. I worked on our farm a lot. Gardening. Animal stuff."
"Oh, nice!" Angelina gushed. "You do look tanner! You were a little pale before, but now… Well, it really compliments your hair!"

Self-conscious, I pulled the long sweep of dirty blonde hair down, tugging it. "Thanks."

"So, Angelina," Lily quickly jumped in, "who do you think you'll have the most trouble with this year?"

Relieved, I listened to Angelina leap at the subject change and digress about Professor Sprout and the rumor that second years would have to take care of mandrakes. I knew from my reading of all of our textbooks over the summer – twice – that mandrakes could heal paralysis and petrification.

The train rolled along, Lily and Angelina gabbering back and forth, their conversation like a ping-pong match. One would talk, another would answer, questions relayed to and fro. Severus listened to Lily's words like they were music. He never glanced at me or Angelina.

The door to the compartment rattled open. James Potter stared down at us, grinning when he caught sight of Lily and Severus. "Well, look at this. Already getting therapy for your future marriage with the Ravenclaws? Though I thought you'd have better taste in guys, Evans."

Severus's face flamed red. Lily looked furious. "What is your problem, Potter? This compartment is full. Go find another one."
Sirius Black popped up next to James. "Never thought Snivellus could turn any color other than white."

I rolled my eyes as Severus turned even redder. "What do you two want? Leave us alone."

Sirius pushed the door open wider. "Actually, we're looking for you, Harkstone. We need to borrow you."

"Indefinitely." James added.

Lily snorted. "Leave her and us alone. Get out before I call for help."

"Oh, no!" Sirius mocked. "Anything but that!"

James cackled. Severus looked like he wanted to hit them.

"Get out." He snarled. "Screw off."

Angelina gasped. James and Sirius roared with laughter.

I rose to my feet, pushing them out of the doorway. "I'll be back later, guys. Sorry."

Lily looked thunderstruck. "You can't be serious! You're actually going with them!?"

"We have business that we need to attend to with her." Sirius explained, grinning wolfishly. "Private business."

Lily looked extremely confused. "Amber? What's going on?"

I worried the opal pendant nervously. "It's fine, Lily. I'll be back soon."

"When we're done with her." James corrected. "Bye!" He slammed the compartment door shut.

"What the hell do you two want?" I growled. "I don't have anything to say to you."

"Yow!" Sirius laughed, flanking me with James on the other side. "The kitten has claws!"

"I'm not a kitten." I shot back. "I'm more of a…"

"Lioness?" James offered. "Scary as hell, big, and blonde?"

Sirius appraised me. "Yeah, I guess that would work."

I rolled my eyes. "Seriously, what do you two want? Where's Remus?"

"Your boyfriend's already waiting for us." James grinned at my shocked expression. "Don't worry, we're cool with it. You two are cute together."

Sirius roared with laughter as I punched James in the arm. "Not funny, Potter. We're just friends. You're disgusting."

James winked. "You two are pretty close for just friends."

"We're twelve!"

Sirius shrugged. "Maybe someday?"

"Maybe never." I whacked him on the shoulder. "You two are so stupid."

"If we're stupid, then why are you blushing?" James asked, ducking as I swung at him again.

Sirius opened the door to a compartment holding two boys. One was small and pudgy with eyes too large for his Charlie Brown cheeks. The other had scars running across his face and green eyes that reflected light like a wolf's.

"Remus." I said, smiling, some of the weight lifting off of my shoulders. He and Lily had been the only ones to write to me this summer. They were the ones who kept me sane.

Remus smiled back. "Good to see you, Amber."

"Oooooooh…" James and Sirius drawled. I whipped out my wand and pointed it at their heads. "Say one more thing, and I'll hex your hair pink. Permanently."

"Aw, c'mon, Amber." Sirius cajoled. "You're no fun."

"I had a hard summer." I retorted tartly. The chubby boy stared at me, his pale blue eyes huge.

"You'd attack them?" He squeaked, his voice breaking between octaves.

I shrugged. "I've done it before, and I'll do it again."

His mouth dropped open.

"She's a good duelist." James admitted. "Charms master, right Remus?"
"She's as good as I am." Remus agreed airily, half-smiling.

I plopped down next to him, elbowing him. His green eyes twinkled with amusement.

"Okay, so now that the lovebirds have settled down…" Sirius teased.

I jabbed my wand at him.

"Okay, okay. Sorry. Anyway, now, back to business." Sirius double-checked the door to make sure it was locked. "We need to have our first Marauders meeting of the year."

A rush of excitement chased away my irritation. "What? Are you actually going to use the name I chose?"

James nodded. "You might be a girl, but that was a pretty good choice."

I scoffed. "So, just because I'm a girl, I can't think of smart things in the first place? Nice, Potter."

"What Sirius was saying," Remus slid in carefully, "is that we need to talk about what we will be doing this year."

"Like sneaking out of the castle again." Sirius said enthusiastically. "I want to break into the kitchens. You know, gain the house elves' trust. Kreacher is a right disgusting git, but I've learned about house elves from him. They just want to please their masters. Obey them. They really can't disobey."

"Your family has a house elf?" I said, eyebrows lifting.

"Well… yeah." Sirius looked at James and Remus, and then the chubby boy, who I finally recognized as Peter Pettigrew. "James' family has two. What about you, Remus?"

"We had one. Cissy. She passed on about a year ago."

"Oh." I said, thinking of death, thinking of Virginia. I clutched the opals, the only thing I had left of her, tightly in my right hand.

"Yeah." Remus sighed. "She was a good elf. Very simple, but lived to please."

"I can't wait until Kreacher kicks the bucket." Sirius muttered darkly. "He's disgusting. Wears a ratty loincloth he hasn't washed since Dumbledore was our age."

"He can't be that bad." James reasoned. "House elves just want to please their masters."

Sirius snorted. "Not Kreacher. He's a pig who was transformed into a house elf."

"Really?" Peter breathed in awe.

Sirius shrugged. "I dunno. Probably. He dotes on Regulus." He folded his arms, cross.

"Who's Regulus?" I asked.

"His younger brother." James said. "He's a first year. He's actually on the train right now."

A first year. Just like Virginia would have been.

I bit my lip. "Why aren't you sitting with him? He's probably frightened."

Sirius looked incredulous. "Are you daft? He's the precious favored son. Mum and Dad throw pearls before him. He's got to redeem the family line, apparently, since I'm a Gryffindor. My entire family's been Slytherin."

"You pesky little traitor." James mocked gleefully.

But I couldn't share their amusement. I could hardly breathe. Virginia, like Regulus, was a first year. The favored child. Sirius, like me, had shamed the family by being sorted into a different House than literally the rest of the bloodline. Even Dad had let it slip, during his drunken explosion.

Suddenly, I wanted to get out the compartment. Now.

I rose abruptly, still squeezing the pendant tightly. The boys looked at me curiously. "Are you alright, Amber?" James said. "You look pretty green. Paler than usual, too."

"Motion sickness?" Peter offered. "I get it a lot."

Sirius wrinkled his nose. "Better not, git. Otherwise you'll be sitting with Evans and Snivellus and that Muslim girl."

"She's not Muslim." I snapped. "Her name is Angelina Azadian, and she's Hebrew. Jewish."

"Jeez, sorry, Amber." Sirius held his palms up.

"It's Harkstone." I flashed. "You don't get to call me by my first name."

James exchanged a look with Sirius. "What's wrong with you? Are girls always this crazy?"

"I think she's just strong. And powerful." Peter bumbled.

"Shut up. All of you." I could feel tears rising, hot and betraying, and I didn't want to give them the satisfaction of seeing them. "If you have something actually important to tell me, then I'll be elsewhere on the train. Otherwise it can wait until we're at Hogwarts."

Sirius and James started to speak, but I turned on my heel and tried to open the door. It was stuck fast. "Alohamora!" I snarled, my wand surging with heat as I cast the spell. The door whipped open so hard the glass cracked in the window.

I stormed down the deserted aisle of the train. My head spun, my palms clammy. The walls were closing in. I had to get away.

I walked to the end of the car, scanning for empty compartments, but all were filled with boisterous students. I opened the door at the end of the corridor and hopped to the next car. I repeated this until I found myself at the tail of the caboose, looking out over nothing but train tracks speeding below.

I stared down, leaning against the wrought iron railing. It would so easy, too easy, to throw myself over the edge and hit the ground hard enough to snap my neck. I would join Virginia. Maybe if I died, she could come back.

I shook my head hard against the dark thoughts, shutting my mind to them. No. Virginia wouldn't have wanted it. I had told others the same thing, to live in her memory, to honor her life, her wishes. What kind of cowardly hypocrite would that make me if I selfishly leapt to my death now? Naomi would be alone. My parents would have lost two of their three children. Lily would have lost her best friend.

I shut my eyes, gripping the railing so tightly that my knuckles whitened. I took several deep breaths, trying to clear the spinning between my eyes. Calm down. Calm down. It's okay. Just breathe.

The door behind me opened. I whirled around, expecting a stranger, but it was only Remus. He looked grim.

He closed the door behind him. Remus came to rest against the railing next to me, staring at the passing scenery. He didn't say anything, just stayed beside me, a solid, steady presence. I could feel the tension and loneliness ebbing away.

"I just needed some fresh air." I said after a long silence. A gust of wind blasted my hair, and I tucked a loose strand behind my ear.

Remus nodded. "I know. Sometimes you just have to get away."

"I know." I glanced over, studying him. Unlike Lily, I knew Remus understood tragedy. He knew what it felt like to be absolutely back-handed and backstabbed by life. Remus understood drawing the short straw, being dealt the bad hand. And yet, he managed. He aced his studies and was a good friend. He was a boy who acted far beyond his years because he had been given hardships that most children our age couldn't comprehend.

Violence. Death. Lily knew the sting of rejection, but this was on a whole other level of difficult.

Remus knew.

"You don't have to tell me anything." Remus said. "I didn't even tell you about my condition."

"I kind of figured it out." I added, managing a small smile.

Remus chuckled. "With my massive hints."

I smiled this time, remembering that night. The range of emotions had been unbelievable. Excitement. Terror. Surprise. Joy.

And then…

Grief.

"Something happened over the summer." I said, my smile disappearing like the landscape blurring past us. "Something bad."

Remus frowned. I could feel him watching me from my peripheral vision. "Are you alright?"

"Yes." I passed a hand over my face, squeezing my closed eyeballs. "No. Not really."

Remus was silent, listening.

I swallowed hard against the familiar ache in my throat. My hand gripped the opal necklace like a talisman. "My sister… she was sick. And she… she died."

"Amber." Remus said softly.

The tears came now. I swallowed against the hot, painful torrent. Every single time, it hurt so bad. "That was why I had to leave school early last year. Because she had passed on."

"Was it sudden?" Remus asked gently.

I shook my head. "I guess so. My parents were a mess."

"Understandably." He looked sad. "I'm so sorry, Amber. Why didn't you tell me?"

I shrugged, unable to tell him that the reason why she had died was because of me. Because of the Whomping Willow. The Murder Tree. I wanted to chop it down. But I couldn't, because Remus needed it. Because it protected people from the monster inside of him.

"I didn't want to burden you." I said softly, wiping my eyes with my sleeves. "You have enough going on."

Remus handed me a tissue from his pocket. "It's clean." He promised.

In spite of myself, I laughed once. I blew my nose and quickly hexed it with incendio. It burst into flames and scattered quickly behind us. Like Virginia's ashes.

I could feel my face crumpling. "She died… and there was no time. I never really got to say goodbye. And my parents…"

I finally confessed what kind of summer I'd had. It was like the lancing of a boil. The gruesome details poured out. Remus listened, never interrupting, but more than once looked like he wanted to hug me. But he never did.

I omitted the part about the Murder Tree and my role in her passing.

"You can't carry that kind of weight by yourself, Amber." Remus said gently as I blew my nose again on a new napkin. They kept reproducing from his pockets. "It wasn't your fault."

My stomach clenched. All I could say was, "I feel like I could have prevented it."

Remus did touch me now. He put his hand on my shoulder and met my gaze squarely. Green eyes into brown. "Listen to me, Amber. There was nothing you could have done. Your sister was sick. She was dying. It wasn't you."

I stared into his face, never really realizing how intense his eyes were. How animal. Yet intelligent and kind.

"I wish I could believe you." I whispered, my heart aching with guilt.

Remus sighed. "I know. Everyone deals with grief differently. It takes time." He hugged me. Briefly, but in those moments, I felt some of the awful burden lift. When he let go, it didn't come back.

"You're an incredible witch, Amber. And I know Virginia would be proud of you."

"She would have been a first year." I murmured, thinking of Regulus. "Like Sirius's brother."

Remus sighed. "He can be a real git sometimes. He doesn't think before he speaks." His brow wrinkled. "Actually, sometimes I think he thinks too much."

I gave him a quizzical look through my drying tears. "You're talking about Sirius Black?"

Remus shrugged. "I don't think you give them enough credit. James and Sirius are smart. Brilliant. What other eleven year olds do you know who can perform a successful Unbreakable Vow?"

I rubbed my right wrist, remembering the thin, white thread of fire that had bound the four of us together for life. "No one."

Remus was busy fishing in his pocket for another napkin when I asked, "What about Peter Pettigrew? What's his story?"

"Oh, him?" Remus handed me a fifth tissue. "He's a nice guy. Timid, shy, and a little too starry-eyed when it comes to Sirius and James. And you."

"Me?" I said incredulously. "Why me?"

"You saved his life last year, remember? When he fell from the stairs and fractured his skull and broke his arm?"

"Oh, yeah." I flashed back to that day, remembering the blood of spreading blood and the cries of pain. "I saved his life?"

Remus nodded. "Madame Pomfrey said if he'd gone any longer without medical attention, he would have died. Too much damage. He fell almost twenty feet onto marble."

I shivered. "That's awful. What was he doing up there, anyway?"

Remus looked uncomfortable. "He told me Sirius and James had sent him to do it. An initiation into the group. Like a dare to prove his worth."

My jaw dropped open. "That's so stupid! Don't they know how dangerous that is? He could have died! He almost did!"

Remus nodded in agreement. "I know, but they like danger. Those two are fearless. And Peter proved himself. He talks about you like you're the next McGonagall."

"What about Peter?" I pressed, curious as to how such a nervous, flighty boy could ever have fallen into the ranks of these three boys. "Did you all make him commit an Unbreakable Vow?"

Remus smiled, rubbing the back of his neck. "Nah. Peter's too loyal. He'd never flake on us. Plus, who would he tell? We're the only friends he's got and probably ever will have."

I raised my arm to strike him, but Remus dodged and ruffled my hair playfully. "Come on. I didn't mean it in a mean way. It's just the truth."

"I still think you deserve this." I slapped his left shoulder blade, satisfied by the loud smack. Remus half-winced, half-laughed.

"Also," I said, as we turned to head back into the caboose, "please don't tell the others about my sister. Only Lily knows, and I didn't tell her the dirty details like I told you."

Remus smiled. "Thanks for trusting me, Amber."

I bumped into him on purpose, knocking him off balance. "You know, you really aren't as bad as you seem, Remus Lupin."

Remus opened the door, bowing slightly. "After you, my lady."

I grinned and waltzed through the door. And crashed right into a body.

A black-haired young boy, no more than ten or eleven, swore so vilely that the hair on the back of my neck rose and my face warmed. He rubbed his arm where we had collided, glaring at me furiously. He was at least four inches shorter than me, but his expression told me he didn't care at all about height or age differences.

"Watch where you're going, moron!" The boy snapped.

"Hey!" Remus drew himself up, looking outraged. "Don't speak to her that way! Apologize!"

The boy glowered at Remus. "You going to make me?"

"I might." Remus drew his wand and pointed it at the boy. For the first time, I could see the shadow of the wolf on his face. His anger was more than human. It was beastly.

I could feel the power emanating off of him like heat from a furnace. The boy apparently could feel it too. He changed his demeanor instantly. He cooled his face so that it was pleasantly surprised rather than disgusted. "You're right. I'm sorry. I should have watched where I was going."

"Apologize for what you said." Remus growled.

The boy dipped his head respectfully at me. "I'm sorry for calling you a moron."

Disturbed by his ease of transitioning of one persona to the opposite, I chewed my lower lip uneasily. "Thanks. Apology accepted."

The boy's face was carefully devoid of emotion, but I see anger and loathing in his gray eyes.

I gasped softly. Remus's head whipped towards mine. "What? What is it?"

"I know this boy."

The gray-eyed boy lifted a thin black brow. "Do you?"
"Yes." I smirked. "I should have known. Regulus Black."