5. MEMORY

"Liar?" Light says, raising a brow. "What are you talking about?"

"It's precisely that," Ryuzaki says, his black eyes narrow, and his nose wrinkles to form a scowl. "You don't actually feel admiration for these things, do you? Or rather, are you so caught up in your lies that you've started to believe them, Yagami-kun?" There's a bite in his voice that shakes Light. Only someone with the ability to read minds could have deciphered Light's words with such ease. "Was the human you as blatantly obvious?"

Light grits his teeth. You're fucking it all up.

Ryuzaki continues, "If you're that envious of Shinigami, why not give up your quest? You can't die. You might as well be a god of death even without the notebook. Though I can see it in your eyes; that's not how you wish it so. 'How can I call myself a god if I don't have the equipment to be so?' is what you're thinking, isn't it, Yagami-kun?" He takes a slow step toward him until their faces are inches apart. His cold breath tickles Light's skin. What comes next causes electricity to shoot through Light's spine. "What are you without the Death Note?"

As if someone has hit him over the head with a hammer, Light feels a rush of emotional memories flow into him. He winces and massages his temples, attempting to quell the onslaught of images to no avail. He sees a young boy standing on a bridge that hovers over a rushing river. The boy's glazed eyes stare at the water, almost entranced by it. His reflection stares back, as if inviting him. The boy brushes his bangs out of his face and steps up onto the side of the bridge to attain a better angle for what he is preparing to do. His heart thunders in his chest, and his tiny hands shake as they press down on the concrete to hoist his body over the side. He grips the edge with both hands, turning his knuckles white, and plants his feet firmly below him. The boy's reflection mirrors his actions, but the look in its eyes doesn't waver. It's still beckoning him to join it. And soon he will. The boy hinges forward, ready to release his hold on this life.

"Light!"

The boy snatches the side of the bridge and vaults over to the other side just before his mother appears from around the corner. She presses her palm to her chest and exhales a deep sigh, as if expelling every horrific thought that could cross a mother's mind.

"Oh, thank God. I thought I'd lost you."

"Sorry," he says with a sheepish grin.

"What are you doing here?"

He nods to the river. "I was looking for fish and frogs."

Her eyes glance at the water, but she shuts them and tenses. "Don't ever go anywhere without my permission again. Do you understand?"

"Yes, Mom."

She bends down to his level. "You're a big brother, remember. Sayu needs a role model. Once your father and I are gone, she'll only have you. Try to set a good example for her, okay?"

"Okay."

She pulls him into her, and he breathes in the scent of her perfume. A mother's arms and smell are supposed to help a child. A mother's love is the cure for any wound. So why does the wound continue to fester inside his heart?

Light opens his eyes. The memory fades into the back of his mind. He licks his dry lips and sucks in a strained breath. He wishes he had witnessed a different memory. That one, taken when he was about seven or eight, has somehow crept back into him after resting dormant for years. Why must it appear now?

His gaze returns to Ryuzaki. Sweat dampens his forehead and the nape of his neck. Of course, it's this bastard's doing. Light grabs him by the collar and snaps, "What the fuck did you do to me?"

"Me?" Ryuzaki's eyes widen, but his voice remains steady. "What ever could you mean, Yagami-kun?"

He's mocking him.

"Don't fuck with me."

Ryuzaki raises his hand and curls his fingers around Light's wrist. With a sharp squeeze, Light winces. Something cracks. He jerks his hand away. The ache lingers, but the bone doesn't appear broken.

"Choose your words wisely, Yagami-kun. They may get you into trouble with much stronger opponents than me. And you know very well what I'm capable of." His eyes darken. "Remember that."

"Then why did I see a memory of myself when I was a child? A memory I had a long time ago when I was human. Why would it show up now after so long? You had something to do with it."

Ryuzaki shrugs. "I'm just as clueless as you are."

But Light isn't ready to let this go. Upon his resurrection, a plethora of memories flooded back into him. But most of them are memories he adores and he prides himself in having. Those memories remind him of the life he had built and the world he intended on creating, had it not fallen apart at the last moment. Those were optimistic memories. Pure. Radiant. Godly.

Light exhales, expelling all the tension in his body. If he's to work beside this creature, he needs to suppress his anguish for now. "I'd appreciate it if you don't say something like that again. I understand we're not friends, or even partners at this point, but we're following the same path. Let's not jeopardize each other's mindsets, shall we?"

The creature's mouth flinches involuntarily. Light expects a retort or a quip, but Ryuzaki says, "Very well." It's a soothing tone that almost sounds hopeful. So hopeful, Light mistakes it for belonging to the real L.

Light returns his attention to the Shinigami pair and the task ahead of him. "This may be belated, but we never got your names."

The fished-eyed one raises its hand. "I'm Nym, and that's Nexys." It points to the jewel-clad slug, who bows its fat head in response.

"My name is Light." He glances at the creature. "And this is…Ryuzaki." Even saying his name sends an uncomfortable tingle through him. "Anyway, you two said earlier that gambling is our best chance of obtaining the money to cross the lake. Where should we go?"

"There's a gambling site not far from here," Nexys says, fingering his chain of gold. "You could start from the bottom and work your way up to the best player."

Light grimaces and shakes his head. "I'm a bit pressed for time. I'd like to know where I can find your best player."

"I think the best player in the entire Shinigami realm is Deridovely." Nexys looks at Nym to confirm his speculation is indeed accurate. "He's usually found gambling in the foothills."

"How far away are the foothills?"

Nexys considers. "It's about a day's trek from here." He notices the look on Light's face. "In human days. Since you don't have wings to fly, the quickest passage is through the Desert of the Lost. That should save you about half a day."

The name itself sounds ominous. Light licks his lips. Should he chance it or play it safe? He feels Kami's eyes watching his every move and listening in on his every conversation. If Light plays it safe, he may disappoint the god king. And disappointing a god of death has not helped him in the past.

"Desert of the Lost? Sounds like my kind of place," Ryuzaki quips, chewing on his thumbnail. "We'd best head for it." Taking Light's wrist without permission, he starts half-dragging him away.

Light wiggles out of his grasp. "How are we supposed to find the desert if we don't even know where to go?"

Ryuzaki frowns. "I know where it is."

"Do you now?" Light says, crossing his arms over his chest. "Please explain how you acquired that information?"

"I saw it on the cliff."

Light purses his lips. Ryuzaki must be referring to the cliff he had scared Nym and Nexys off of. He remembered looking out and feeling like he was on top of the world. Like he had been reborn as God. Perhaps he was so distracted by himself he didn't bother to think about any desert.

"Fine," Light says. "Let's go." He turns back to thank the two Shinigami for their help.

"Hope you make it across safely," Nexys says, releasing a chortle that sounds like a hyena.

Light's eyes narrow in suspicion. The chortle lingers with him as he catches up to Ryuzaki, who is already several lengths ahead.

A/N: Yay, another chapter where absolutely nothing exciting happens! Though there's a shitstorm heading for Light that I can't wait to show you guys in the next chapter (insert evil laugh). I'm slowly starting to get these characters' personalities where I want them to be—particularly "L"'s.